If anything it should have been the other way around. They are nothing but trouble these foreigners, darkening the doorstep of this wonderful country. Taxi drivers should be given martial arts training to deal with these unruly foreigners. Nothing but trouble that lot.
Fish make the best pets.
Do not wander off and annoy the neighbours.
Not noisy.
Can go away on holiday and not need to get someone in to feed them every day.
I agree with the many posters that have suggested a new computer. Not because it's the easy way out, but because after 18 years, your current computer has served you well, but it is time for an upgrade.
No need for anything expensive. You will have a much better user experience with even a current base model computer.
Nothing lasts forever.
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