Mona Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Hi everybody! Maybe I should have posted on the very instructive topic 'thai men... are they genuine?', but my question is a bit different. Well, to start with, I am brand new in Thailand. Single Caucasian in her mid 20's, posted in Bangkok for a while. I have been working in South East Asia for a couple of years (traveling pretty often for my job), and though I don t have extensive experience with every culture, I have enough grasp to feel the difference in every single country regarding relations (any kind, from business to friendship, etc.). What I could read from the other topic on Thai Men really gave me a big slap in what I may have to expect from relations with local bf... ??? Well, I am not there yet, but better safe than sorry and girls, I am so happy I read your experience okay, no I come to my question: How do you girls come to a thai guy you would be interested to know? Is it acceptable in Bangkok that a lady makes the first move or is it just a weird aberration? What advice could you give me to avoid faux-pas (sounds like Thai people are very particular on formalities, at least the way you introduce yourself and keep to their first impression, etc.)? How do you know if they are already engaged or married (or gay? :cool: ) without being too direct? And ask them out or so? I don t want to sound childish or so (though I may be actually...) , I already burnt my fingers with Asian men and would be most happy to hear from you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 How do you know if they are already engaged or married (or gay? ) without being too direct? And ask them out or so?I don t want to sound childish or so (though I may be actually...) , I already burnt my fingers with Asian men and would be most happy to hear from you If I want to know if a guy is gay I just ask. Often, though, you can tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wei Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Most of my Thai gfs says that many gay Thai men are married and have kids cos they can't stand the family pressure. Guess you will just have to be extra careful and go with your girl instinct. Also, are we talkign about thai men in general or just those you met in the bar? THink it will make any difference with those more educated and has a profession? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Also, are we talkign about thai men in general or just those you met in the bar? THink it will make any difference with those more educated and has a profession? Intelligent men do go to bars, you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nat Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Hi all A bit on the defensive mrentoul? I'm sure Wei didn't mean that comment in a bad way (well at least I hope not)! Think we might all be in trouble then I've found the gay guys in thailand fairly open with their sexuality. If you can't tell they're gay already, they'll probably end up telling you before you get a chance to ask (from my experience anyway). Nat x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Just about all my friends outside work are gay, or women friends of theirs. No one has a problem about other people knowing, though it's not always an in-your-face thing, esp if they are the submissive rather than the dominant type. They are all good-looking creatures and, even better, they are always introducing me to their friends. I see girls turning up at gay discos, possibly in the hope of meeting guys who like both girls and boys. Not everyone is adamant about his or her sexuality, especially here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wei Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Nat is right, I didn't mean it in the bad way. Yeah some of the gay guys who look gay might be fairly open with it, but what I meant are those who look so NOT gay, don't act gay, never want to let people know they are gay, that we should look out and be careful with. Most of the time, they are using a gf/wife as a cover up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 but what I meant are those who look so NOT gay, don't act gay, never want to let people know they are gay, that we should look out and be careful with. They sound like westerners to me. I've never met a Thai like that. People here are very accepting of these things. It's not like the West. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D80 Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 There are Thai men like that (what Wei just described). One of my Thai teacher was exactly like that. It's just that they keep their secrets pretty well that not many people find out unless they tell you. A guy friend of mine is gay and he had to lie to his parents that I was his girlfriend so that they wouldn't know (!). I had to play along for quite a while. He still hasn't told his parents! For the post, for Thai women, when they want to go out with a particular Thai man, they don't usually just ask them out (in my experience anyway... my time might have already past hehehe). They'll drop little hints instead, like paying more interest in the guy, being extra nice to him, that sort of thing. Usually their friends will help letting the guy know and the guy will usually ask the girl out if he likes her. It's quite rare for girls to be the one asking guys out first out of the blue. Otherwise, you could probably just introduce youself and talk to the person to get to know him better. I would say, wait a while before asking him out anywhere then carry on from there. But if it's just guys in a pub/club etc, you could probably be more casual like just chatting to them since it is in a more relaxed atmosphere. It's probably quite difficult to know whether they are married or not as most won't wear wedding rings. Usually, Thai women get that sort of information from people around the guy, like his friends etc before making a move. If you could, then that's probably the best way. Otherwise you'll just have to ask and hope he's telling the truth. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
califdann Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Ask the Thai guy what is the custom in Thailand about going out with a farang lady. Then take it from there...... BTW, where in Thailand are you at? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Hi Mona, It has taken me a while to reply to this post as I have been taking a stroll down memory lane, so to speak & reliving some of the horror storys on my relationships with thai men (there have been a few, I confess! ) . My current b/f(soon to be hubby) was a slighltly different story to the rest (not alcohol fuelled lustings) as we spent a lot of time together in daylight hours, talking & getting to know each other & then backing this up by meeting up in the evenings in a group & flashing lots of knowing looks & flirting outragously (mostly on my part, I can't seen to help my self). Anyway, what I have found in my trawl through the memory, is that subtle eye contact, making polite but intimate (i.e. just aimed at him) small talk & then seeing what vibes come back, if they are positive signals then suggest a visit to a museum or ask said object of desire to take you around some of the sights (what with you being new to the big smoke & all), that way you can then have more time, alone, to see if he shows keen! Men are generally the same here as anywhere but it does help to be a little more reserved with the thai guys as most of them would get very intimidated if you got drunk & asked them if they were up for it, so to speak. Just do as you would do at home if you saw a guy you liked & trust your instincts. Go forth & prosper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valentinoxxx Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Boo Thanks for the prompt reply to my PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 I tried the direct approach with a girl at work a couple of weeks ago and it failed disastrously. It seems Thai girls take a while to come around. I only asked her to the cafeteria, not for a <deleted>. Still, she sounded horrified. Maybe she comes from a good Chinese family. On the same night a guy tongued me on the stairwell, and that was our first meeting. Make of that what you will. PAUSE. Hey, I think I was joking about that tongue job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D80 Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 mrentoul, do you know this girl as a friend before you asked her? If not, then it is pretty normal that she says no. With ordinary Thai women, things usually have to progress pretty slow. From what I have experienced, the first stage of getting to know each other is usually done while with other people as well, like going out together as a group. It takes quite a while to have a one on one date. But if you've already known the girl and have dropped hint that you are interested in her. The reason she declined your invitation is most likely to be that she's not interested to take anything further than being friends. Quite a few of my friends come from very strict chinese family but most probably won't be horrified by the invitation although they would probably not go with you. Some chinese families I know only allow their daughters to see men from the same background. Which means farang or Thai (not chinese Thai) would be out of the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Thank-you...it all sounds so familiar! I think your advice is sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nat Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Hi Mona Boo's advice is the way to go - eye contact and small talk is a good (not intimidating) way of letting a guy know you're interested. I was quite fortunate with my man, we were making eye conatct and he asked if it was ok if he spoke to me - thought that was cute. He was very polite and we spent quite a bit of time getting to know each other. However, I did make a fool of myself one night by drinking a bit too much and spending most of the evening over the toilet bowl. My man was really sweet and looked after me without "trying" anything - that's when I realised that he was a decent guy. There are heaps of different guys out there, but if you're after a relationship getting to know each other is important - as anywhere in the world. Good luck and hope you find one of the good ones. Nat x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Sorry valentinoxxx, I wasn't in the forum that day, are you sure you haven't got me mixed up with someone else? Also I don't know who you are & although it's nice to get pm's from you I just thought you had me mixed up with another! Next time I will reply in a prompt & timely manner. :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAGA Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Hi everyone,please let me joy in this forum.I'm a Thai man live in Bkk.I would like to have foreign friends.I'm not fluent in English but I'll try,I really would like to practise my English.Don't worry I'm not a bad guy.Could anyone be my friend? :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Gaga, maybe you can tell us a little more about yourself. As you can probably read on this form, a few of us have been messed around by thai guys before, so that's probably why you haven't had a response. But I'm sure we are all open to making new friends. So give us some more info: How old are you? Are you a student or do you work? If so, what school, job do you do? etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rambutan Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Boo didn't get it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 I had no reason to get it. If it was a joke, funny, but are you that bored that you have to take the p!ss on a forum where people usually put serious questions or requests? I try not to abuse forums like this but maybe some other people do! ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrentoul Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Edited by me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAGA Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Hi,Boo I understand you.I would like to make newfriends.(Just friends not girlfriend) I'm 24 years old.I graduated from KMITL for 2 years.Now I work for myfriend's company,it isn't a big company.Now I have a girlfriend.She is Thai.I have been her boyfriend for 7 years that a resson why I would like to make newfriend not girlfriend.And I can tell you why I would like to make foreignfriend. I study at AUA level 11 but I have to stop AUA class to start TOEFL course teach by a Thai teacher for 6 months. now I cann't talk in English verry well.I think it will be good if I can practise English by making a foreignfriend. I asked my AUA teacher how to make new foreignfriend and he suggested me joyying here. Thank a lot for responding and you can ask me more. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAGA Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Hi ,mrentoul Have you read my message? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAGA Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 Thanks every one, I think I should go from here. Good bye. :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaylord Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 Interesting??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpg.bc523c85a8d558dbc282dca7a2e602c9.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now