I agree that being the under the radar type is very helpful and not getting into altercations with locals or officials is really important as it never ends well.

I also think that being stoic and employing the ideas it teaches is super useful when you are in a foreign country like this... I once heard an old timer back in the day say "Living here is like lying down in a stream and letting it all flow over and around you, or you'll end up nuts".

Many people are just seeking peace to be honest, and even though I have foreign friends that have also been here a long time, I enjoy solitude and don't consider it isolation, as I just hang out and do things together with the wife.

Thirdly, having interests and routines can help and avoiding drinking to excess too much (although I do fall off the wagon from time to time, haha)... guess it depends on your age, as some expats that have been here a very long time, might only be in their mid-50s now.

If you are younger, then having a job like teaching at a uni/college can be something that provides a bit of money and keeps you busy... plus makes things much easier with having a work permit (useful to have).

Above all, don't be a dick or break the law (as you can easily get snitched upon) and don't get involved financially with people as money has a nasty habit of vanishing fast here... don't big it up and attract the wrong kind of attention.

Edited May 28May 28 by Sir Dude

9 minutes ago, Sir Dude said:

I agree that being the under the radar type is very helpful

Why live life being fearful of others?

10 minutes ago, Sir Dude said:

not getting into altercations with locals or officials is really important as it never ends well.

Normal social functioning folks don’t have any concerns with this as they typically aren’t reactionary types.

13 minutes ago, Sir Dude said:

I also think that being stoic and employing the ideas it teaches is super useful when you are in a foreign country like this.

Why would anyone go live in a foreign country and cage themselves up is beyond me, can’t even begin to comprehend such a disposition.

This is an exceptional post, something for everyone to learn from.

I’ll combine replies here. That 81-year old marrying a 23-year girl is wonderful! (Just kidding!)

36 years for me. I spent a couple of years getting it all out of my system. And during all that, I met a sweet girl who had never even held hands with a boy. She had a very respectable job right out of university and we courted for four months before we knew what it was.

I suppose you could say she saved me from myself.

I made all our money and savings but in the last five years, she’s killing it financially. We live a simple life and don’t go out much.

I do believe we have a responsibility to make where we live better for everyone. And sometimes that’s political, though in the background.

My activism here started in 2005 with Freedom Against Censorship Thailand (FACT) and overlapped into the Nonviolent Conflict Workshop. Both are now moribund though they served their purpose.

However, I had my spies in govt and my name came up in Cabinet, govt and even police meetings. I kept my front gate locked for awhile. My wife said she did not want to be Mrs. Gandhi!

Don’t agree with dress for success. I’ve always dressed like a Khao San backpacker. Flip-flops even to teach; I mean, c’mon, we leave our shoes outside the classroom door anyway!

My theory is, only dress up if you’re asking for money. No need to impress.

I know how to be respectful while remaining equal. A smile and gentle voice goes a long way.

Wouldn’t trade my life for anyone’s. I think I’ve stopped going ‘home’—every year for 30 years. Family can come visit me. I’m just another homeless tourist there.

Good health to you all!

First figure out how to be happy being alone and once you have that semi-figured that out, make some friends and enjoy whatever interests you. Many on here will never get out of their own deficient head and fix the issue which is "them".

It isn't that complicated as the OP suggests. Being obnoxious on this forum and hating on Thais is a tell. Fix yourself and then enjoy life.

2 hours ago, Rockyroad said:

New hobbies, new language. I think every 5 years you need new things to do regardless of where you are. Cities or rural you need movement and progress. As Indians say life is a gym.

Progress does not often come from stagnation, but still, why break a recipe that works? Some people never change much. Same food, same drinks, same rituals every day, and they seem fine and happy.

I am a bit jealous of those people.

I have school friends who still have the same girlfriend, now wife, changed work once or twice, drive the same car brand, live in the same house, and in the same neighbourhood they grew up in. They talk about me, who have lived out of a bag, like it was some kind of adventure worth a lifetime.

But honestly, if I could, I would change some of it if not all. Or? Who knows, life is what it is!

31 minutes ago, atpeace said:

First figure out how to be happy being alone and once you have that semi-figured that out, make some friends and enjoy whatever interests you. Many on here will never get out of their own deficient head and fix the issue which is "them".

It isn't that complicated as the OP suggests. Being obnoxious on this forum and hating on Thais is a tell. Fix yourself and then enjoy life.

Good advice but many people see the world as wrong not them.

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Progress does not often come from stagnation, but still, why break a recipe that works? Some people never change much. Same food, same drinks, same rituals every day, and they seem fine and happy.

I am a bit jealous of those people.

I have school friends who still have the same girlfriend, now wife, changed work once or twice, drive the same car brand, live in the same house, and in the same neighbourhood they grew up in. They talk about me, who have lived out of a bag, like it was some kind of adventure worth a lifetime.

But honestly, if I could, I would change some of it if not all. Or? Who knows, life is what it is!

Yeah if happy leading a basic life that's ok. But we are all different. God has a plan for all of us.

6 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

Yeah if happy leading a basic life that's ok. But we are all different. God has a plan for all of us.

Im not so sure god have individual plan for us or our planet, wouldn't trust it, better to keep what we can under control, and then let the destiny play its game on us, and be ready? Or ?

7 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Im not so sure god have individual plan for us or our planet, wouldn't trust it, better to keep what we can under control, and then let the destiny play its game on us, and be ready? Or ?

Genes, society, luck are 75% of your life. You control 25% and hope for the best.

3 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

Genes, society, luck are 75% of your life. You control 25% and hope for the best.

If we are lucky to control 10% Im satisfied, even that is hoping to much. I would like to test this idea philosophically, if it holds water.

9 minutes ago, Hummin said:

If we are lucky to control 10% Im satisfied, even that is hoping to much. I would like to test this idea philosophically, if it holds water.

How would you test it?

6 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

How would you test it?

You says we control 25% of life. I think it is less than 10% when we look at the big picture.

We do not choose our genes, parents, childhood, country, language, body, health baseline, economy, accidents, laws, war, timing, or luck. Even daily life is mostly already taken: sleep, food, work, bills, health, family, systems, weather, and obligations.

What is left is the Stoic part: our response, discipline, judgment, habits, and what we choose to repeat.

So no, we do not control much. But the little we do control matters a lot, because repeated over years and decades, it becomes direction. As retirees/expats without work in Thailand, we may choose more of our daily life: what to do, when to do it, and how to spend the day. But for everything we do, or do not do, we still take time and energy from the other end.

24 minutes ago, Hummin said:

You says we control 25% of life. I think it is less than 10% when we look at the big picture.

We do not choose our genes, parents, childhood, country, language, body, health baseline, economy, accidents, laws, war, timing, or luck. Even daily life is mostly already taken: sleep, food, work, bills, health, family, systems, weather, and obligations.

What is left is the Stoic part: our response, discipline, judgment, habits, and what we choose to repeat.

So no, we do not control much. But the little we do control matters a lot, because repeated over years and decades, it becomes direction. As retirees/expats without work in Thailand, we may choose more of our daily life: what to do, when to do it, and how to spend the day. But for everything we do, or do not do, we still take time and energy from the other end.

You choose Thailand. That's more than a 10% change

24 minutes ago, Rockyroad said:

You choose Thailand. That's more than a 10% change

How does choosing Thailand change how much you control life by more than 10%?

You still have to do the same basic things to keep yourself alive. Eat, sleep, manage health, money, relationships, rules, timing, luck, and whatever life throws at you.

Thailand may change the frame around your life. Lower costs, different culture, different risks, different opportunities. But it does not mean you suddenly control life. And you are still a «guest» in thailand on temporary stay?

Do not misunderstand me, I am not mocking your opinion. I am testing it.

Maybe we should make another thread for this?

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

How does choosing Thailand change how much you control life by more than 10%?

You still have to do the same basic things to keep yourself alive. Eat, sleep, manage health, money, relationships, rules, timing, luck, and whatever life throws at you.

Thailand may change the frame around your life. Lower costs, different culture, different risks, different opportunities. But it does not mean you suddenly control life. And you are still a «guest» in thailand on temporary stay?

Do not misunderstand me, I am not mocking your opinion. I am testing it.

Maybe we should make another thread for this?

I hated the constant grey skies, cold, drizzle and negativity of my home country. By moving to the Tropics I changed the weather and the culture. That should be worth more than 10% control over my life?

3 hours ago, Kinnock said:

At first she's your long haired Thai dictionary, then cultural ambassador, plus cook, housekeeper, business partner, lover.

Why would I need a Thai dictionary?

10 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

A lot of people do not really talk about this, but it is worth noting that foreigners who have successfully lived in Thailand for twenty, thirty, even forty years without completely imploding financially, emotionally, medically, legally, or spiritually usually only manage it because of a fairly simple survival formula. Call it staying below the radar, or just not being a muppet.

Thailand can be an amazing place to live, but it also has a remarkable ability to punish stupidity with extraordinary efficiency.

The long term survivors usually seem to understand a few very important rules early on.

One, be very careful with other foreigners you do not know extremely well, especially in business. Some of the biggest horror stories in Thailand do not involve locals at all. They involve two blokes from Birmingham going in on an “amazing business plan” or “investment opportunity” together after three beers and a som tum.

Two, do not create unnecessary problems with locals. The possible ways this can spiral into a complete disaster are so numerous and unpredictable in a place of very fragile egos that it is almost an art form in itself.

Three, never go out of your way to challenge authority. It does not matter whether it is immigration, police, officials, or the bloke guarding a car park with a whistle and a superiority complex. Thailand is not really a place where stubborn public confrontation involving foreigners tends to end in cinematic victory.

Four, do not do obviously illegal or reckless nonsense just because you once saw another chap get away with it in Pattaya in 2011.

And five, perhaps most importantly, avoid engaging in the sort of deeply Darwinian “chancing it” behavior you constantly read about in Thailand related news stories.

You know the sort of thing. In other words, anything that would seem like a stupid idea to carry out in your own country probably manages to become doubly stupid in Thailand.

The veterans who last here long term are usually not the loudest, wildest, or most “legendary” characters. They keep their heads down and generally do not have overly active social media accounts.

Quite often they are just the ones who quietly learned the basic laws of survival in a developing country early enough in their careers to avoid becoming one of the stories that ends up as a GoFundMe, a Bangkok Post headline, or worse, not a story at all.

By burning the boat?
The long term survivors usually (most but not all cases) can't afford to move back home so have to adjust n the ways described here for survival

1 hour ago, Rockyroad said:

You choose Thailand. That's more than a 10% change

You really have to admire your level of confidence required to make ten posts in a deeply insightful conversation about Thailand without ever having been there, especially when every contribution somehow manages to combine maximum cringe with completely meaningless cliché wisdom that apparently only a select few are intellectually equipped to appreciate. Considering how much you clearly still have to offer on the topic, I am honestly a little disappointed you have not already given everyone another ten posts of the exact same brain dead quality, especially knowing how patiently the rest of us are waiting for more.

35 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

I hated the constant grey skies, cold, drizzle and negativity of my home country. By moving to the Tropics I changed the weather and the culture. That should be worth more than 10% control over my life?

We are talking about somthing abstract and philosophical here, something that is not really possible to measure individually.

What matters is where people start in life: their genes, energy, health, childhood, social understanding, family, culture, and heritage.

Some people start with better cards than others. Some have more discipline, more support, better timing, or fewer obstacles. Others have to spend half their life just catching up.

And not to forget courage, or the felt desperation for change. Sometimes that is what gives people the drive to do something most people never dare to do.

And to be fair, changing from one climate to another is still changing from one extreme to another, maybe even more extreme in some ways. Thailand is not perfect 12 months a year either.

52 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

I hated the constant grey skies, cold, drizzle and negativity of my home country. By moving to the Tropics I changed the weather and the culture. That should be worth more than 10% control over my life?

Constant grey skies, cold and drizzle, where was this place?

Staying sharp with keeping to earn enough money to pay for the realistic long-term sustainable costs that often are ignored or forgotten until it is too late. Other than that by using your brains and logic. That's all needed, Thailand is like kindergarten for life and newcomers.

That based on before having all the smartphones and apps and deliveries and extra things it has on top of that today. Anyone with a peanut size brain should be able to relocate here on their own. If it was hard for someone, and not about money, they are disfunctional.

Edited May 28May 28 by Spider5511

I've lived in Thailand for 25 incident free years. The first thing I learn't in Thailand was to mind my own business. I have my wifes family and several Thai neighbours as friends. If I see something which is illegal, I don't stand there taking photos and pointing my finger I just move on. In other words I know nothing. There's many people in this country say the wrong thing and in doing so have to face up to the repercussions.

12 hours ago, ezzra said:

Being able to tell the different between a real woman and a lady boy,

Lesson #1. Know and practise the 7-Eleven test.

I've only controlled 3 things, my emotions (trial & error), my finances (less trial & error), and my dogs.

TBH, that's actually enough for me. Need control of those 3, for my mental sanity. Anything else that comes my way, easy to adapt, adjust, or remove from my life.

USA & TH, as stated, just locations, and not much different from each others. USA has wet & hot weather, along with good & bad everything TH has.

Depending which you chose to live in, you may need to up your finance, or already have enough. LPOS, so the latter works for me.

I must admit, one of the biggest mistakes people make in Thailand is getting involved in drug trafficking. Not doing it should go without saying, yet people still do it anyway. What makes it even more baffling is that many of them would never even consider doing something like that in their own country, which should already tell them how terrible an idea it is to do it abroad, especially in Thailand.

When people talk about things you should completely avoid doing in Thailand, this is right at the top of the list. If you get caught, it is practically a life destroying sentence. Even without the death penalty, you can end up spending years in a Thai prison under extremely harsh and inhumane conditions, to the point where some prisoners probably wish they were dead. And it is not just Thailand. The same applies in the Philippines and Indonesia, and even more so in Singapore, where drug trafficking can still carry the death penalty.

Just in the last few days, there was a case involving a twenty four year old Turkish man who was found dead in a hotel room in Thailand after allegedly swallowing drug capsules to smuggle narcotics into the country. According to reports, investigators believe some of the packets ruptured inside his stomach, killing him before he could expel them. It is a grim example of how these situations can go horribly wrong long before anyone even makes it to a prison cell.

Yet despite all of that, people continue to take the risk. It honestly blows my mind.

3 hours ago, Hummin said:

How does choosing Thailand change how much you control life by more than 10%?

You still have to do the same basic things to keep yourself alive. Eat, sleep, manage health, money, relationships, rules, timing, luck, and whatever life throws at you.

Thailand may change the frame around your life. Lower costs, different culture, different risks, different opportunities. But it does not mean you suddenly control life. And you are still a «guest» in thailand on temporary stay?

Do not misunderstand me, I am not mocking your opinion. I am testing it.

Maybe we should make another thread for this?

It is an interesting topic.

Been here 35+ years and all the rules you mention are spot on. I keep well below all the radars out there. Worked for me this long, can't too bad of a strategy.

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Why would I need a Thai dictionary?

No benefits of learning basic Thai and being capable of having semi- conversations with Thais? I'm just too lazy to be bothered but really wish my Thai language skills were much better.

22 hours ago, 123Stodg said:

They involve two blokes from Birmingham going in on an “amazing business plan” or “investment opportunity” together after three beers and a som tum.

AI slop. The last thing two Birmingham mates are going to do is order a som tam.

Why (and there is no antagonising intent here) did you not write this yourself, as you would have done before 2024?

18 hours ago, worgeordie said:

40 happy years living here, When I arrived here did not head straight to Pattaya,

infact never been there

This!

I lived for 15 years in Thailand, but also never went to Pattaya durign that whole time.

I am now back in Germany, only doing my yearly visit with/to the family, and had a few days in Pattaya as a true tourist.

Conclusion from that visit: if Pattaya (or Bangkok) would have been my first impression of Thailand, I would never have chosen it to spend a whole chapter of my life there.

Sure Pattaya can be / undoubtedly is fun, but "too much" of it. I love Thailand because it is a relaxed, laid-back and almost simple place (in Isaan), instead of an orgy of neon lights; at least I would not be able to have this much hectic rush every single day.