A Community For Gay Families, Pros & Cons?

[stegtre]

I have struggled with a desicion on this issue for the last two years - if I attempted to create a specific Gay community, would it benefit the people and families I hope to encourage to live with in it? I am a gay father with two kids and I can see the positive aspects of such a community where I live. What will be any negative consequences that you can foresee?

I am thinking of creating this and would appreciate if anyone already has a similar experience or has any other opinions to share with me? I am about to start a gay community for singles, families and couples on small island in the south of Thailand. I am aware of the muslim majority and have done some lobbying for that but it doesn't seem to be a blocking factor. The local community as a whole is tolerant and encompasses many different ethnic and indigenous groups. Any feedback would be appreciated, thank you.

[sausage500]

Hello!

I wonder if you are really aware of the muslim majority in the area where you live? Are you a Farang? if so, can we ever hope to understand the complexities of not only the Thai culture, but all the various ethnic and religious groups it contains?

Of course I can see that as a gay father there is not only a need for connection and empathy on a day to day level, and that that itself is every individuals' right, but I wonder if you have really thought through the difficulties you may encounter with this project? If it provokes a negative reaction, how will you deal with this? Doesn't the South of Thailand have enough to contend with already?

[Solosiam]

Why would you need a community, specifically tailored to your sexual preference?

Seems like a recipe for disaster for bringing up children, shouldn't they have an experience growing up in the real world, instead of some strange gaytopia, you have decided is best for them?

[Scott]

There are of course both pros and cons. One would depend on what you mean by "develop a community", are you talking about building houses, setting up a Moo Baan (village) or what.

I have personally always been a little scared of places like this--mostly for security reasons. It's just too easy of a target for groups who are against gays. Personally, I prefer gay-friendly areas that aren't necessarily exclusive.

I also have some problem with the idea of gay "families" and children being there--not because I have anything against either, but because, having raised my own family, I really, really don't want to be around neighborhoods with kids, but I find the retirement villages where everyone has to be over 50 and no children WAY too boring. (Some of us queens are impossible to make happy)!

All that said, if it's well thought out and properly planned, could be an interesting concept.

[geriatrickid]

Let's say you build this wonderful community and gay families actually move there. There you are in some isolated hamlet and then someone has a petty dispute with a local not from the community. Then the rumours start. Pick any type, but be sure to include words like "helpless child" "gay" "young boys" "old men" Doesn't matter if the stories are false and that you have taken all sorts of measures to counter them. The rumours keep on growing. Finally, some newspaper gets a hold of it and publishes an article about the "gay community". Lurid comments are printed, Unfounded speculation is made. Even pictures printed, invading personal privacy. Then the investigations start. Maybe you eventually get cleared, but by the time it happens you will have had lots of stress, the kids will be traumatized and most of the families will have moved away.

I predict that the community will bankrupt you financially and the stress will kill you. You are better off being part of the general community and setting up social networking. The kids deserve it too.

Edited August 31, 2007 by geriatrickid

[jumnien]

As the son of a gay father, I've always enjoyed being part of his gay friends and community and lifestyle. I have never bonded with the other children of gay parents we run into. I think its important for kids of gays to find their own community and not be pidgeon-holed into a "gay family" ghetto. Of course, this is just my opinion and feeling; I'm not trying to say how others would feel or opine.

[PeaceBlondie]

The doomsday scenario painted by geriatric kid in post #5 is possible to happen in the West, but far less likely to occur in Thailand. I'm not clear what the (two?) opening poster(s) mean about this gay community on a Thai island down south. A gated moobahn? An entirely gay village, built almost from scratch? Or just several families in the same mixed neighborhood? Maybe I'm thick, but I don't see a special need for a gay community here. I lived in the gay part of Houston (Montrose) out of convenience, but so did my straight, adult son live in Montrose far longer than I did.

I do not know if Thai Muslims are as tolerant about gay sex as the Thai Buddhists are.

[Scott]

Some years back (I believe before the 1997 crash), there were a couple of guys--Thai, I believe, that were building a gay community area. It was a condo, if I remember correctly. Anybody remember that or know what happened?

[stegtre]

Thank you everyone for the feedback.

I feel I expressed myself poorly in my original post and would like to clarify; therefore, I've enlisted an English friend to assist!

My intention is not to create an independent community ONLY for gay people, rather a community fully integrated with, and respectful of, the local population – indigenous ethnic groups, Thai Buddhist, Muslim and farang, where gay people can feel relaxed and accepted without fear of intimidation.

My concept includes a tiny amount of real estate as well as facilities for all the community and a statement of intent encouraging diversity and acceptance for all, gay, straight, lesbian, bi, trans, Thai, Muslim, Farang etc etc, you name it! Said statement stands staunchly against sex tourism and the exploitation of anyone by the tourist market, and focuses rather upon projects such as eco-friendly litter cleaning, preservation of the beautiful island we all live on, continued local support for a children's charity for displaced Myanmar refugees, and promoting respect for the Muslim community through dress and behaviour.

Established couples and families of all sexual preference and ethnicity would be particularly welcomed as this is a family island. Social networking for all, including the children, would of course be essential and beneficial. I hope this makes my concept clearer and welcome further feedback please.

On a secondary note, it is very difficult to gain an exact grasp of how certain words sound in English, to an English-speaking national, and then again to one who is not. I came up with an idea for a name for the project, which the friend who is writing this thought was hilarious (but she is English). Another friend in Hong Kong thought it smacked of both religious connotations and sounded slightly tacky.

Opinions please! on the name Holigay (and then the name of the island where I live) and what it conjures up for you.

Thanks for reading.

Edited September 7, 2007 by stegtre

[samtam]

I think you're in danger of putting a label on something and "differentiating" it, when you state you are intent on being fully integrated, and encouraging acceptance for all. As far as I'm concerned the latter part is already in existence in Thailand, where there is tolerance and understanding of most things. Your proposal would draw comparisons with religious communities of the worst kind, such as Wako, Jim Jones's in Guyana etc. I'm not clear why you imagine "established couples and families of all sexual preferences, ethnicity etc" would be drawn to your Holigay.

Surely this is all a wind up?

[peekint]

I think the concept of Gay Families is one that needs a lot of elaboration in your concept, as well does the concept of community.

Personally, I would not feel safe in the current political and social environment estabilishing a physical "Gay Family" ghetto in the midst of a majority Muslim community. I don't think the time is right.

Someone asked about the Gay housing estate set up by a developer outside Bangkok some years back. It sold out very well, and so did his second project. However, I don't know about it's longevity as a "Gay" development, or its post-sale history. It would be an interesting piece of investigative reporting for someone. My experience is that, with the exception of the highest-end developments in Thiland (Green Valley, for example), the communities tend to disintegrate and deteriorate quickly because of inadequate zoning and planning restrictions. Independent of it starting out as a "Gay Community", these same defects would act on that community and push it toward disintegration and cause an exodus. (You, know, the guy next door to your 5MM baht house adds a large sheetmetal lean-to to his and opens an auto body shop, etc.)

I think a "conceptual" community is much more likely, bringing Gay families together spiritually, intellectually, and, on occasion, physically through some kind of organization. If members begin gravitating to a particular location, the Gay Family Ghetto may arise spontaneously, much like the Castro did in San Francisco.

That's a bit of my concept of starting an LYC in Chiang Mai - to create a community of couples (bi-racial, in the case of LYC, but I see no reason why they couldn't also be single-race) and wanna-be-couples that share ideas, support, entertainment, sports activities, etc.

Keep thinking out your idea, but look at the END first. What needs does this community meet? Of whom? What things are essential? What things are nice? What things are optional? What things are burdensome? Then look at your plan to achieve those ends and adjust it accordingly.

Best of luck!

[endure]

I think that the last thing that Thailand needs is an Asian version of the Castro - or any western ghettoized community. One of Thailand's major attractions is that, within the mores of local society, people are left alone to get on with their lives. If you need a ghetto to reinforce your identity the west is full of them. Please don't try and import them into Thailand.