Strange Friend

[sutnyod]

Hi,

Here a story of a Thai friend of mine. She came to me earlier in the year and was overjoyed: her childhood friend, now married to a countryman of mine, has invited her to her to visit her new home in Farangland. I was happy for her, too, and we started immediately to prepare the trip; she providing all documents and scraping together the money for the plane, me to make flight reservations and appointments at the embassy here. Her friend would take care of all expenses in Farangland.

I have to say that my friend is not married; she runs a small business in a small village. The capital for that she got by working double-shift in a factory in Bangkok, not eating and sleeping much and saving like crazy. However, when she returned to her village, all the men were married off.

Anyway, I told her about the snow in my home country, about how a pine forest smells, about the food and the people and the customs. She was curios and looking forward to see everything with her own eyes soon. We also joked about her finding a nice man. Why not? Who knows what is in store?

When the tickets were ready to be paid and the appointment near, she called again and said she is not going. I should cancel everything. What has happened? She told me her friend has said that if she goes to Farangland, she and her husband expect her to marry a male friend of theirs. Without the knowledge of my friend the two of them had given him pictures of her. My friend was completely upset; she felt betrayed by her friend and felt that she got herself into a commitment (without her knowing of course) that she could not keep. She does not know this man, what if she does not like him? What if she does not like the country, the weather, the people, what if she gets homesick? She does not know the language!

Next thing I hear is that the couple had visited Thailand and grabbed another unmarried woman instead of my friend.

I told my friend I would not consider such people as friends anymore and good riddance anyway.

In my eyes my friend is a completely ordinary Thai woman who behaved like any other woman would do. However, what happened to her illustrates how other people think of Thai women and that makes me really sad.

[donna]

what a sad story, and what a seriously weird couple we have here. how dare they match up a woman to one of their friends without her knowledge. this surely must be illegal and almost amounts to mail order brides.

good for you for not considering them friends any longer. i would be disgusted with them and tell them so.

[dominique355]

Is that really so bad? After all, your friend didn't have to marry this guy. No one can force her, and it still takes her "I do" to get legally married (in most countries). Why not just tell her friends oversea that she was not up to marry anyone so quickly, but she sure would love to travel.

And after all, may be, just may be, this other guy was even a nice guy.

[Suszzy]

weird....

that couple up to no good..i think!!

[canadiangirl]

Is that really so bad? After all, your friend didn't have to marry this guy. No one can force her, and it still takes her "I do" to get legally married (in most countries). Why not just tell her friends oversea that she was not up to marry anyone so quickly, but she sure would love to travel.

And after all, may be, just may be, this other guy was even a nice guy.

How would you feel if someone did this to you?

I would give these "friends" a piece of my mind, and that's the last they would ever hear from me.

Their government, however, might hear from me. Most Western countries have laws about mail-order brides "agencies", and human trafficking. Not sure if the situation above falls completely into one or the other, but it's certainly dishonest. If anything, the media wouldn't take a kind eye to it, I'm sure.

But then again, I'm a b*.

I'm just glad your friend found this out before she spent her money on going to farang land!

[britmaveric]

Your friend is very lucky. She should be thankful - this came out before she traveled.

[Nienke]

What a horrible story.

I second what britmaveric says: your friend is very lucky that she found out BEFORE she went.

Is she going to report this? It might this couple does this more often to Thai women.

Nienke

[livingitlovingit]

Here a story of a Thai friend of mine. She came to me earlier in the year and was overjoyed: her childhood friend, now married to a countryman of mine, has invited her to her to visit her new home in Farangland. I was happy for her, too, and we started immediately to prepare the trip; she providing all documents and scraping together the money for the plane, me to make flight reservations and appointments at the embassy here. Her friend would take care of all expenses in Farangland.

I have to say that my friend is not married; she runs a small business in a small village. The capital for that she got by working double-shift in a factory in Bangkok, not eating and sleeping much and saving like crazy. However, when she returned to her village, all the men were married off.

Anyway, I told her about the snow in my home country, about how a pine forest smells, about the food and the people and the customs. She was curios and looking forward to see everything with her own eyes soon. We also joked about her finding a nice man. Why not? Who knows what is in store?

When the tickets were ready to be paid and the appointment near, she called again and said she is not going. I should cancel everything. What has happened? She told me her friend has said that if she goes to Farangland, she and her husband expect her to marry a male friend of theirs. Without the knowledge of my friend the two of them had given him pictures of her. My friend was completely upset; she felt betrayed by her friend and felt that she got herself into a commitment (without her knowing of course) that she could not keep. She does not know this man, what if she does not like him? What if she does not like the country, the weather, the people, what if she gets homesick? She does not know the language!

Next thing I hear is that the couple had visited Thailand and grabbed another unmarried woman instead of my friend.

I told my friend I would not consider such people as friends anymore and good riddance anyway.

In my eyes my friend is a completely ordinary Thai woman who behaved like any other woman would do. However, what happened to her illustrates how other people think of Thai women and that makes me really sad.

Hi Everyone

Firstly, I love the Ladies Forum here, it's great to be able to chat and share and I appreciate being a member, thanks one and all.

Secondly, Sutnyod, your story is sad to hear, the couple sound more than a little suspect, and given that they have already 'ensnared' another Thai woman adds weight to the question of what thier own motives behind the arrangements are.

Thirdly, from my personal point of view, the story is sad for reasons other than you have all expressed. Forgive me na ka, but it seems to me that the most regrettable part of the story is that your Thai friend never even considered visiting farangland and broadening her horizons and experience independantly. In fact, what stops her even now?

I appreciate that you may well answer 'money'. Which brings me to my fourth point, and another I find frustratingly sad on a day-to-day basis living here. Do any of the Thai women really, truly understand how excruciatingly difficult it can be for a single farang woman trying to resettle here, support herself day-to-day and earn a crust, learn the language, integrate in the community and adapt in immeasurable ways? I have excellent Thai friends here, both men and women, yet one and all they seem to think because of my white skin it must be a breeze. I arrived here to assist after the tsunami and had no funds behind me, and am often aware that only tenacity, hard work and my love for a more natural lifestyle are what keep me going. If I voice this, I am only ever told to 'get a Thai man'!!! in order to make my life easier. Yet not having met anyone who inspires me to pursue a relationship further, I have no wish to merely 'use' a Thai man in the same way, as you intimated, many farang men 'use' Thai women.

Am I alone in this?

[kat]

I agree, it is a sad story, and I feel bad for your friend. But, she sounds like a real fighter and doesn't need our pity. In terms of the couple "grabbing" another Thai women, I need to play bureaucrat for a moment and say that we don't really know if that was voluntary or not, nor what the circumstances are in that case.

However, your friend should call the Foundation for Women and ask them for numbers of support programs, and let them know about this couple to stay on the safe side. In terms of the government offices, I don't think they will do anything in this case because it's hard enough when there is an avalanche of evidence. If I were her, I'd play detective for awhile and pretend to still be friendly with them until I understand fully what's going on, and then get the evidence I need to effectively report them.

I'm a little busy right now, but I will try to find some other possibilities for you to call.

Kat

[November Rain]

They're not friends, they're marriage brokers. Your friend was lucky to find out in time. Shame she never got to see & do those things she was so looking forward to, though.

[Jet Gorgon]

Nasty duo. Hope your friend gets another chance to visit farangland, although she's probably set against it now.

[masterjedi]

What a nasty pair of individuals. It sounds like they prey regularly on single Thai females in awkward situations. What makes me even more sad is that these idiots make the rest of us seem bad when we could have the most genuine and honest intentions to our Thai friends.

[paulsmithson]

Met a farang here.married to a thai and running a marriage bureau in her name.

His attitude to thai women stinks, he thinks that because a thai woman is gorgeous yet poor she would be happy to marry a farang many years older and with minimal assets.

I pity his own wife, He has no interest in learning to speak thai. does not eat thai food, has nothing good to say about the people nor the country.

What fools think that money is everything to the poorer thai girls.

[kevc]

Is that really so bad? After all, your friend didn't have to marry this guy. No one can force her, and it still takes her "I do" to get legally married (in most countries). Why not just tell her friends oversea that she was not up to marry anyone so quickly, but she sure would love to travel.

And after all, may be, just may be, this other guy was even a nice guy.

There was a story last year in The Bangkok Post about a widowed young woman in a far out village that was taken to Japan by a long time friend of her family that used to live in the same village. The idea was for her to work in the freinds restaruant, when she got there she was locked up in a brothel servicing upto twenty sickos a day.

So yes it is really is so bad

[nonthaburial]

What a nasty pair of individuals. It sounds like they prey regularly on single Thai females in awkward situations. What makes me even more sad is that these idiots make the rest of us seem bad when we could have the most genuine and honest intentions to our Thai friends.

Although its not a good situation, I would hesitate to describe this episode as a REGULAR occurence. As we all know there are two sides to every story. so please lets not blow this out of proportion at this stage.

[little_muppet]

ouchh... i am thai but i just know something about this from farang ppl.i never seen or heard something like this from my surrounded environment. but i have heard about bad attitude toward thai ladies many times..... """"wishing there is no word " sterotype""""

[panita]

I think many thai lady just try to think positive. So they hope for their better life at farangland.

[Virin]

Few years back, I noticed one of my female workers looked exhausted most of the time, she's in 20's, her weight was 70-80 kilos. She only smiled when I asked, her colleagues told me later she was trying to lose weight after she came back from visiting her family in a village in Isaan.

Her cousin married a man from Europe, this couple often came back to the village, they are well known as matchmaker for farangs and girls in that area, they went back Europe with new girls every trip. This girl told her colleagues she wanted to marry farang, to live in farangland, to build a new house in the village, to wear lots of gold same as her cousin, she was embarrassed as most of her friends in the village married farangs and their families bragged to each other whose son in law would have more money. Her cousin told her to lose weight before the trip to Europe. This girl worked with me for another year with no weight lost, I never heard about her again since she left.

Somebody told me there are many couples (farang husband-Thai wife) earn money from this type of business, new girls are always introduced to farangs as a cousin of Thai wife, hmmm they must have so many young cousins across the country!!!!

Edited December 1, 2007 by Virin

[sbk]

Yes, it does sound like a scam but I have to add that many Thai people come from large families. My husband has 41 first cousins and countless second cousins. He counts the cousins of his parents as close relatives so their kids would also be counted as cousins. that number would then put the number of cousins up into the hundreds.

So, it is possible

[little_muppet]

always same story from Issan area. donno why????