For the ladies married to Thai men (or long termers)...how much Thai do you speak at home? Do you speak exclusively Thai. Exclusively English or a mixed bag of the two...I have to admit I'm pretty slack when it comes to sitting down and actually studying Thai...I've picked up all of my Thai from living with the family and from my Thai conversation book. I often wish I could go to classes in Thai (for some reason I just can't learn effectively from my husband!) to understand the nuinces of the language more, but alas, I'm living in the boonies! My husband and I speak a hybrid Thai/English that actually annoys me quite a bit!! I feel if he spoke exclusively Thai to me, I would pick up the language faster. I understand a significant amount of Thai, can speak conversationally but I still feel like it's very basic. People always tell me my Thai is great but I think if I only said sawasdee ka they'd be impressed to see farang speaking Thai!! When I complain to my husband about how much english he speaks ( ) he says he's worried I won't understand what he's saying...I answer with, I'll get the main idea and be forced to learn new words but we're stuck in this horrible 70/30% Thai/Eng world where his english is getting worse and my thai is not improving. There's no kids in the equation yet but I wonder about what crazy language they'll be speaking if we keep speaking Thaiglish. What do you do?

I have the same issues in speaking with my husband. We have for some reason changed languages, whereby he speaks English to me with the occasional Thai word, when he doesn't know the English. And I speak Thai to him with a mix of English in it. I am not sure how this came about, but I think it's for the understanding. I feel that he will understand me better and more importantly quicker if I say it in Thai, and he the same for me in English. I guess when you just want to get on with asking something simple, it's easier than having to go into an English lesson mode to explain. We are both equal in our languages about intermediate level. We don't seem to progress from this, probably from lack of effort. We do have an 18month old daughter, so this has changed things slightly, I try to use my English with her and my husband his Thai. But we are not very consistant with it. So don't know what she will be speaking as she gets older.

as we live in the UK we only speak English (we agreed when we moved here 3 yrs ago that for hubbies benefit we would converse soley in english to improve his own language capabilities)

We have agreed that once we move full time back to los we will start to speak mainly in thai as I want to attend full time thai classes for about 6months so need to immerse myself in the langauge as he did in England

Since our son was born I speak only Englush & he speaks only thai to him so we are hoping that this way he wont pick up any hybrid tinglish & can be fully bilingual.

My husband and I speak almost solely english with each other. Mainly because when we first married we lived next door to his brother and his sister-in-law as well as at the main taxi stop (boat and truck) to Hadrin (as there were no roads back then and it was only by boat ). We found that we had more privacy by speaking english (and his english was fairly fluent, my thai was non-existent) as most of the taxi guys had only a minimal understanding of english. I abhor pidgin so never used that with my husband but used only proper english. How is he going to learn the right way if he never hears it?

Anyway, I learned many years ago, never get someone you are in a relationship with teach you anything --mother, father, sister, husband. It always gets personal. I learned mainly from my sister-in-law right next door, her little boy (who is now 22 and married with a daughter! :0) and the taxi guys and local fishermen. I am fluent in fishing and transportation

RueFang, one problem with classes, they will teach you the Central dialect, all well and good if you plan on moving to Bangkok someday but if not, you are better off learning the local dialect. It is much better to understand what those around you are saying to each other, believe me

have to agree with sbk about the "no tinglish" rule. I hate it & refuse point blank to use it. drives me bonkers when I hear it

When in my home country we spoke my language. After the move I switched.

But I have also never formally learned Thai and had no way of learning from my husband. On the contrary: once I was advanced beyond the cute blabber of a newbie, my husband tried to stop me from learning and became very jealous.

My language skills now are so that I can fool people on the phone. They think I am Thai.

Edited September 20, 200718 yr by sutnyod

Really interesting answers! Nikisue - we do exactly the same..mostly Thai but use English for the words I don't know or Thai for words he doesn't know. Boo, sbk - I also can't stand pidgin either - occasionally I'll do it but it's just a slip...I'll always correct my husband too (to the sounds of I don't need an English lesson right now!!)

"It is much better to understand what those around you are saying to each other, believe me" I have said this exact thing to my husband because he won't teach me southern - his reason being that I won't understand anyone when we travel! Go figure that reasoning !

Sutnyod - impressive phone skills!!

We speak English exclusively, I wish I could speak and read Thai but unfortunately I don't see this happening anytime soon. At the university everyone speak English, at home everyone speaks English, many of my neighbours speak English (and this is in Nakhon Si thammarat, imagine that)

at the moment shopping is when that I need to speak Thai, it's unfortunate that I can't communicate with the rest of his family but I rarely see them anyway.

When I lived in China, most of my friends barely spoke English, and as I was single then, I was out there trying to meet new people, so I had no choice but to acquire the language (not fluently but enough)

Really interesting answers! Nikisue - we do exactly the same..mostly Thai but use English for the words I don't know or Thai for words he doesn't know. Boo, sbk - I also can't stand pidgin either - occasionally I'll do it but it's just a slip...I'll always correct my husband too (to the sounds of I don't need an English lesson right now!!)

"It is much better to understand what those around you are saying to each other, believe me" I have said this exact thing to my husband because he won't teach me southern - his reason being that I won't understand anyone when we travel! Go figure that reasoning !

Sutnyod - impressive phone skills!!

Got any smaller nephews or nieces? Kids are great, they speak more clearly and simply than adults and don't get all weird when you make mistakes.

If you are ever over my way, let me know, I can help you with your southern

I think husbands make the worst language teachers. We used to communicate solely in English and while trying to learn Thai, my husband would switch back into English as he couldn't grasp the meaning quickly enough. So I used to go over to neighbours who spoke no English and pick up Thai there. One was particularly good in that she would pick up on all my mistakes and correct them. A lot of people just laugh and are not much help. In retrospect I think this woman was a lot of help. Kids are good too but often can't correct you or are too embarassed to. Then I discovered somewhere during immersion that a lot of what I picked up was Northern Thai. So next I turned to Thai television for help and tried to decipher what I knew was in fact Bangkok and what was Northern and to pick up more BKK Thai. Thai TV is not the most riveting but when you use it for language it is bearable.

I think by that stage I had enough to work on and gradually built up from there. The next phase was childrens books to learn how to read basics which taught me a lot of words and to be able to distinguish words which are sometimes lost in conversation or with slang.

After that you need to listen to many different types of people and how they use their language and which words they choose.

I must admit I have never mixed the 2 languages that would really stunt your progress in any language. If you have to use English you should just be asking the word for it in Thai.

Then of course when you have made years of effort on your own to learn the language and you meet someone and they complement you on how good your Thai is; your husband will be the first one to take the praise for teaching you such good Thai.

When I met my husband his English was very minimal and my Thai was the same. He has had no formal training in English. He could speak more English then I could Thai but we used a dictionary A LOT in the begining. We also only spoke it English so that he could improve. Over three years later, his spoken English is great I can understand him 100% but he speaks at the speed of light so other foreigners need to ask him to slow down or just get used to it. Plus I am also a very fast talker so that has not helped him slow down either.

As for my Thai, I am convinced that if we lived in BKK my Thai would be much further along that it is. Everytime we travel to BKK or CM I can't get over how slow and clear they speak. My husband is from the South and his family, friends and him speak with a very thick Southern dialect (As you may have noticed Ruefang ). While it would benefit me to be able to speak 'Bangkok' Thai I find it easier to pick up on the South dialect as that is what I hear everyday and we have no plans of leaving the South. Also I want to be able to communicate with his family and his mom can't understand me when I don't speak South. However it is wayyyy too fast for me. I can understand the gist of what people are talking about and I can use Thai for everyday use. And yes, with the thought of children in a couple of years I want my Thai skills to be much better then they are at this point.

I also hate pidgin English neither my husband nor I speak that way, yet we have a friend who everytime she sees him reverts into this babyish pidgin talk that makes me, and everyone listening, want to puke. Lately I do find that we do have our own pronunciation of words like the stress will be in the wrong place and this is from me hearing him pronounce the word wrong and then getting used to saying it that way so I am trying to correct that.

Living in Korea for a year also really did not help me develop any of my Thai skills! I am thinking of asking my husband to start speaking to me in Thai but I am also in agreement that partners make the worst teachers!

I also find that I rely on him to much and I want to stop that as it also stunts my progress. When I am not with him I am often shocked to see how much Thai I can actully speak. Aside from my work we don't really know anyone where we live who speaks English. I have seen how much his English has improved just by using it eveyday so I am hoping this will be the case with my Thai now that we no longer have to put all our energy into him learning English. It's my turn.

Edited September 21, 200718 yr by meme

If you girls are living in the area your husband is from I can suggest one activity that will rapidly improve both speech and comprehension: help out at local functions of your husband's relatives: weddings, funerals etc. I always pitch in and help wash glasses and dishes since they don't need my input on the cooking. Your Thai will rapidly improve...because it will have to!

As for learning Southern Thai, well, I made a conscious decision to learn the local dialect, I didn't really see a point in learning Bangkok Thai when I am only there once a year and no one around me speaks it, except with strangers. You want to become a member of the community and be reasonably independent, learn the local dialect.

And no, I still can't really understand my mother-in-law. Just too fast for me. Probably a blessing, really

If you girls are living in the area your husband is from I can suggest one activity that will rapidly improve both speech and comprehension: help out at local functions of your husband's relatives: weddings, funerals etc. I always pitch in and help wash glasses and dishes since they don't need my input on the cooking. Your Thai will rapidly improve...because it will have to!

As for learning Southern Thai, well, I made a conscious decision to learn the local dialect, I didn't really see a point in learning Bangkok Thai when I am only there once a year and no one around me speaks it, except with strangers. You want to become a member of the community and be reasonably independent, learn the local dialect.

And no, I still can't really understand my mother-in-law. Just too fast for me. Probably a blessing, really

That's funny, actually since our wedding of 400+ people(which was small of course) in his village, I realized I would now have to help out at an event sooner or later, as so many people helped us out. Good idea.

And yes the more I think about it the more I think I am making the right decision to learn the local dialect.

Good post by the way RueFang. I have been thinking a lot about this lately.

Edited September 21, 200718 yr by meme

Agree with not letting the spouse teach you. My wife bugs me all the time to do so, and basically it becomes personal as I always tell her you a pronouncing this or that wrong....

I do speak English to our little one as well, but when out of the house or with other Thai's, I do switch to Thai....and my daughter gives me incredibly strange looks, and then she gets on with it...

So we speak English to each other at home mostly, me Australian English, her NZ English. Oh, the "muss-cimunication" problems we have

When I am not with him I am often shocked to see how much Thai I can actully speak. Aside from my work we don't really know anyone where we live who speaks English. I have seen how much his English has improved just by using it eveyday so I am hoping this will be the case with my Thai now that we no longer have to put all our energy into him learning English. It's my turn.

Since my Thai was very basic - could speak a few words clearly bu tcould not understand - my ex boyfriend had always been very demanding when it came to learning to speak and write Thai. He didn't put much effort in explaining or translating things or speaking more slowly or with a central accent although he knew how to do it. That undermined my confidence a fair bit. I practiced a lot everyday outside home. That's when he completely refused to speak Thai with me because I didn't understand him but I could understand most people. I think he also wanted to learn English from me as quickly as possible because he works in contact with western tourists and although he's become fluent after 7 years he still can't use the past tense or make himself understood clearly.

Now that we are not together anymore and I'm working and living in an international school with 99% English speakers my Thai has improved a lot and I'm teaching myself to read and write. Little markets in the middle of nowhere are great places for practice. And yes, kids are often the best teachers, in my case those who are not motivated to learn English..

sbk-got a few nephews close by but it is soo hard to understand 99% of what they say...even Thai's can't understand them! Unfortunately I've never been your way..perhaps one day Good suggestion about helping out at parties. I always have a burning desire to do that but I feel really shy about doing it! It's crazy cos I've lived here for a few years but I still don't like being the centre of attention and take great lengths to avoid it! Quite ridiculous I know, and very limiting behaviour for me.

Sally - I really like it when people correct my speech..I'm always telling my husband to correct my pronunciation or usage, but it's rare that he actually does. As for Thai t.v I can understand the main thread of what they're talking about but I find on the news they talk pretty fast and on the dramas they're too busy screaming or slapping each other to actually speak ! I've found listening to (decent) Thai music really helps though...perhaps my speech will end up all poetic!

Meme - "Lately I do find that we do have our own pronunciation of words like the stress will be in the wrong place and this is from me hearing him pronounce the word wrong and then getting used to saying it that way"...I've noticed that we do this too! Only a couple of words, but I really have to watch that! You are so going to get a southern drawl from your husband!!

Samran - my whole family are kiwis except me and my siblings! Never did pick up the plarnt, darnce or chilly bin lingo though.

Ave - it's funny because when I did a short stint of teaching for 3 months, I picked up more Thai then ever...the teachers were really great at correcting me and introducing a lot more new vocabulary. I think my main problem is that I don't get to interact with a lot of different people. We have a biz at home which is great for talking with teenagers but they're so shy too! I just need to get out more I think, without my husband!!

Ave - it's funny because when I did a short stint of teaching for 3 months, I picked up more Thai then ever...the teachers were really great at correcting me and introducing a lot more new vocabulary. I think my main problem is that I don't get to interact with a lot of different people. We have a biz at home which is great for talking with teenagers but they're so shy too! I just need to get out more I think, without my husband!!

RueFang,

definitely, especially Thai teachers of Thai language, they can be so eager to teach us. I guess we also have to try to find common ground culturally if we want to learn from them. Most of the western teachers who have been living in Thailand longer than me, with Thai partner or not - can hardly understand or speak any Thai at all. That suprises me a bit because I feel that I could not survive like that, I need to learn the local language if I want to get to know the environment around me and feel part of it. I wish they made an effort to say the simple words at least. They just switch off like cats instead.

I'm so pleased to find out from this site that there are so many people around here who enjoy practicing their Thai or at least try.

I don't excel at anything in particular but I'm very musical and feel passionate about languages although I lack in accuracy at times and have bad short-term memory. But I believe that also people who are not very musical can educate their ear to different tones and melodies.

I've just been to a local shop to buy some milk, spent half an hour chatting to the owner and got back with several new words. He even started teaching me to read some sentences. It was a bit tiring to follow every word but good exercise for my brain.

I usually carry a pocket notebook with me and note down any new word. I keep asking like a child. That's the best way for me to learn. AFter that at the first opportunity I get I use that word or simply read it out loud and go through the notebook to review words and expressions learnt in the past. An English colleague of mine who uses her Thai at work like a bilingual learnt through listening to audio cassettes. Her Thai is impressive.

Whenever I feel that I should give something new a try I immediately recall this tune: "Shyness is nice, shyness can stop you, from doing all the things in life you'd like to...And if there's something you'd like to try, something you'd like to try...ask me I won't say no, how could I.."

Hubby and I speak 'reverse' languages as another poster said - he speaks English and I speak Thai. That way both of us are satisfied !! Son speaks fluent English, central, southern and Issan. I understand 65% southern so I can get into to a conversation but I reply in Central - otherwise I get confused. My accent (Central) suffers a bit in the south but it's universal so everyone can understand each other. I certainly would not want to only speak southern as it would severely limit me. A woman I know here speaks fluent southern but when she goes to BKK nobody can understand her!!! Not for me, I enjoy being able to talk to everyone (My Central 'Klang' Thai is fluent)

We met and married in the states and he lived there for 34 years, so we always speak english at home. Most of our friends, family etc. all speak english and speak english to me (free practice so I don't really use it unless I'm out shopping by myself. It's also rare, in the area I live, that you run into someone that doesn't speak some english.

I agree spouses or family do not make for good teachers......no patience and critical when correcting. Doesn't keep them from complaining you don't know enough though. Anyway, I know more than he thinks I do, mainly because I'm very self conscious of speaking thai when he's listening. I can learn more in a few minutes with someone I just happen to meet.

I can also read and write a little. I've just noticed a local language school in the village close by, so may check them out. My main problems are tone and putting the words I know into an intelligent sentence......but at my age I don't know if that' going to happen.

Beachbunny

P.S. I want to add that I agree about not speaking pidgin english. I can not stand it when I hear foreigners speaking pidgin english to any thai person they meet, or worse yet to their spouses. I would never humiliate, degrade, or embarrass my husband by speaking to him in that way. Even when he had only been in the states for 7 years and still had a problem with some words, I never, never spoke to him that way. How would he ever learn proper english.

Edited September 25, 200718 yr by Beachbunny

i speak english with oldest daughter, hebrew with the other two and thai with my husband who actually needs to learn hebrew in order to get his visa residency in five years... up til now he worked in 'thai gettoes' (with the foreign workers in agriculture) where the bosses speak pidgin thai/hebrew a really funny combination. now working with israelis so having to learn, but he refuses to speak!!!

my kids speak simple hebrew with him except for the oldest who has learned simple thai !!!

we enjoy using thai as our 'secret' language since english doesnt work anymore... and it makes peoples' jaws drop when they hear me speak thai on the phone or with him.... 'what are u speaking? thai. oh, taiwanese?? no , thailandi. oh... etc etc...

bina and anon