My Maid Quit Today, And I Can't Figure Out Why...

[mikethevigoman]

I'm about to have a multiple personality moment so humour me;

The nice me says;

- She may have moved up to a different job and you helped her.

- She may have had to give up the work because as everyone has observed hubby needed her more or was jealous.

The bad me says;

- Sure you were nice with gifts, but what kind of mess did you leave in the bed? Silicone based lube is a devil to get out of sheets. (My friend told me that, I swear, cuz I sure aint getting any play.)

- Did you have alot of different special friends partaking of carnal delights? Some maids get upset by that. Neighbours gossip etc.

- Sure, you claim to be gay, but if you wear a gold chain and have a Gino chest, walk around in a thong and are noticeably packing, she might have perceived you to be a closet hetero lining her up as your concubine. (I watched reruns of Dynasty after school.)

- Is your source of income a cause for concern? If you are part of some sort of Columbian cartel, she could have been scared of a Scarface event, especially if you kept asking her "Are you talking to me?"

- Any feuds with the neighbours? What about creepy neighbours? My friend used to have a guy that always would open his door as she left for class in the morning to "get the paper". The ickazoid was usually scantily dressed with his bits visible.

You know slugger, if this is your fault, then Thailand could use alot more farangs like you. Kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration should never give you cause for concern when someone leaves. Don't sweat it. Plenty of ladies would take the job.

Or the husband turned gay and will come after the job !

[Mobi]

Weho,

You will never find out the real reason, and it's not worth your time and getting stressed out and worrying about it.

Even if you managed to track down the maid, or her husband, or anyone who knew them, they would be most unlikely to tell you the true reason why she quit, so just stop worrying about it.

Things like this happen all the time.

I used to have a driver in BKK who was very happy and was quite well paid and treated well. He was with me along time and was 'part of the family'; he went up country with us and wasaccepetd by the wife's family etc. One day he told us he had to quit. In his case he told us the reason. His wife had walked out on him (he was in his late 40's so no youngster), and he wanted to go and find her. We told him he could have a leave of absence, but he said he was so upset that he had no desire to work any more and insisted that he quit. So I gave him a 'bonus' and he left that day. 2 years later he called us and asked if he could have his job back. By that time we had moved to Pattaya and didn't need a driver any more. He's now working as a taxi driver.

Your maid could have a thousand reasons why she quit. Maybe she was trying to get away from her husband and start a new life. Who knows?

I doubt if over- paying her had much to do with her quitting, but in Pattaya the going rate would be closer to 5k plus food than 9K. And it's not necessary to be over generous. Just be there for her when she has a family crisis - which always happens sooner or later.

Bear this in mind when finding a replacement.

[mellow1]

Over the years here we have had numerous workers.Many came and went because they simply do not want to work,and thought working for a Farang, this would be acceptable.Some cannot perform without constant supervision and finger pointing.A job I do not need.We pay 200 Baht/day,which is higher than the Average pay here in Isaan.We were very lucky in finding a husband and wife team about 2 years ago.The wife cleaning house and the husband cutting grass,etc.This couple were in their fifties,but did a very good job,they were also very nice and pleasant to be around,and basically integrated themselves into the family.This all came to an end when these people where killed by a truck, which overturned on them,due to being over loaded,and the load crushing them.Now we have found another woman,who is nice,does the job,but misses a lot.Another gardener has been found,but also misses work a lot.The cycle is starting over,and weeding out the non performers is part of it.

9,000 Baht/MO is what my nephew makes he is a graduate from the local University,and is very fluent in English,works 12 hrs/day,6 days/week,a very nice and considerate person who can also perform.

I have no idea why this woman would quit such a lucrative job,but then again,how, many people conduct their lives around here, baffles me.I can plainly see why they would remain dirt poor,without hope of bettering their lives.

Seeking an explanation for the various odd behaviors is a waste of time,being hurt by it, also.just find someone else,try not to be overly generous,and in time you will find another maid.Good luck.

[popshirt]

Weho, you are a nice and generous person and you were very good to your maid.

I also think the comments (except some of the emoticon-laden ones) contain good advice.

Money and gifts continue to be mysterious and problematic for me too after years in Thailand. In my opinion the less said and seen about money is best but difficult to achieve because Thais will continually ask what something cost, what you paid for it, you paid too much, blah blah. To a westerner this is none of their business, but that is a cultural difference. One thing I have learned is that being overly generous does backfire for a number of reasons, one being that Thais think you are stupid for wasting money that way. Even if they are the recipient! And they rarely talk about a gift after it is given; if it is a wrapped present, they will not even open it in your presence. "Gratefulness", as we understand it, is not part of the equation. Rather, itis YOU that is gaining face by giving. That is why small gifts are as significant as larger ones IMO.

Forget about the gay thing, that only jerks the chain of westerners as you can see from some of the posts here.

Good luck in finding a new maid. Time to move on.

[kmart]

The OP obviously spoils his domestics rotten! And they don't even appreciate it... Make sure you severely thrash the next one; make her work 24/7, and pay her in coloured beads. Hope this helps.

[t.s]

..

It's conforming in some way to know most maids apparently don't last over a year, so I guess I did well with almost two years.

not sure where you get that number, but every maid i have had in thailand has been around three years, the last 2 had saved up enough to open small businesses.

most of my friends have had the same maid for years also.

my vote goes for the husband.

Edited September 27, 2007 by t.s

[Sheryl]

Most husbands don't care if your a homo....but, I think he probably doesn't believe that you really are gay and that could have been a problem.

Exactly my take on it. As another poster mentioned, the way you were treating her approximates the way a Thai man would treat a mistress or "mia noi" -- and in no way resembles the way even the kindest of Thais would treat an employee of any sort.

A Thai hearing about all that you were giving her would immediately assume that something other than maid service was being provided (or would soon be demanded). Even if her husband was sure you were gay (doubtful, since he had only her word for it, having never met you), the gossip of others would be enough to make him lose face.

In order to defend his "manhood" he had to insist she quit.

In the future, I suggest a middle path between what you were doing and what some posters have suggested:

- Provide a fair but not excessive salary for the work involved, increase it by a little bit after 3-6 months and then annually if her work has been satisfactory (and make that explicit when you hire her).

- Do NOT give gifts other than hand-me-downs (things you already have and no longer need). Buying gifts for a woman definitely suggests a romantic relationship.

- If in a particular month she did some exceptional extra work, OK to give a small bonus that month but be sure to explain why so it is performance linked.

- If she comes to you with problems about money and they seem legitimate, you can consider a no-interest loan against part of her salary but do NOT just give her extra money. For loans, never set it up so that she is going to get no salary for a period, always make it partial so that each month there is still some money coming.

Contrary to what some posters have said ("keeping them in fear" etc), in my 2 decades plus in Thailand I have found that Thais, just like anywhere else, decent people respond well to fair treatment. That's fair, not lavish. People who don't respond well to fair treatment are not the type you want to employ anyhow. Lavish treatment, on the other hand, will make decent people uneasy and be exploited by the less decent. And will quite likely be misinterpreted, if not by the employee than by friends, family and the general society.

[jbowman1993]

A few thoughts:

When I first went to Singapore, Singaporeans told me us "ang mo" (farang) treat our maids too well. When I came to Thailand I heard and saw similar. Sounds to me like you have treated her very well, with decency. kindness and respect.

Now flip it round thru Thai eyes:

1) You have been paying this lady more than she should be earning. You have been buying gifts for her. It's not normal. Sure "pi's" look after "nong's" in Thai society, but not usually like this. Why would you do that?

i) How would a Thai man treat his mia noi, mia gep, or gik? Probably with gifts and extra money?

ii) How would the Thai husband feel. Jealous and suspicious? After all you aren't behaving normally? Someone suggested above he may feel he has lost face. This could be a reason, but the concept of face has many levels, and Thais are often much more sophisticated than we realise in our barbaric and superficial understanding

iii) possibly other people have been gossiping that she has received money and gifts and she feels she has lost/is losing face. Some Thais do gossip out of jealousy, and can sometimes be quite spiteful.

iv) often people don't want others to lose face and this can sometimes be more important than losing your own face. Maybe she feels that her husband might lose face. Could be her decision

v) Could be a combination

2) You foreigners think too mutt... You always want to explain things in a single lifetime. Sometimes things just are. Sometimes it could be the echo or ripples of a former lifetime or something else, or just kharma. Perhaps she cheated on her husband in a former life, and went unpunished. In this life she is innocent but it catches up could be a crude example

Bottom line is it's probably cultural. You have behaved abnormally thru many Thai eyes. Don't forget in the same way we sometimes struggle to understad Thai motives, and misinterpret things, Thais struggle to understand us and misinterpret accoring to their own values. Particularly lower class Thais who have had less exposure to farang ways, and less of an education to help them appreciate differences. (BTW I dislike the class system and am in no way patronising here)

OK cultural issues aside:

3) Maybe you just haven't found what she nicked off you yet . I've had a couple of maids that decided things in my house would look better in theirs. Or in a pawn shop/ second hand shop, where the shop owner and Thai maid both gain. It's win / win. After all you're a farang and pick money off trees don't you...

One of the few who actually seems to have an understanding of the culture and society of the country they live in. Thanks for the post.

[Weho]

MAID UPDATE:

1. I had a Thai call the maid this morning, and she made it clear the husband won't allow her to come back here, no reason given, other than "the kids need me".

2. I found a new maid, already... someone who used to be a maid in our community, whose farang boss had to move back to Europe... she comes with good references.

I was under the impression paying her well would make her more reliable and hard working, which she was... but I think it's best to stay in line with what others get paid, so the new maid will get less... But I know that in a week or two at most, I know I'll start giving her small gifts. But i'll be more aware of it this time, not that it will make much difference.

[bina]

not from a maid's perspective but my thai husband's perspective : a 'naam jai boss is good but someone overly 'naam jai' is angling for something. anon's boss will buy him a beer now and again, but that's it... i had to explain that anon doesnt want a boss as a friend, he's working for money and his personal life is his own (israelis are nosy and get involved and want to know what 'you', the employee are feeling, thinking , any problems at home? sort of stuff) anon told me to ask his boss to stop asking if everything is all right, why is he annoyed or whatever. ; if i had ever had a boss that would bring me small gifts and things other then a salary and maybe, used clothes or things, anon would have a jealousy fit in two seconds...

i also tend to 'spoil' the guy that works for me: (non thai in this case) and it makes anon very jealous, but here in this culture, it is considered 'proper' (gifts for holidays not including holiday bonuses, after work help/advice, invitations to coffee at our house). anon finds that improper and gets sour about it. here in the middle east, that is very proper.

so probably a jealous husband syndrome.

bina

[mrbojangles]

But I know that in a week or two at most, I know I'll start giving her small gifts. But i'll be more aware of it this time, not that it will make much difference.

Weho, is the new maid married? If so, take notice of what others have said and don't give the gifts. IMHO

Also, what are you actually paying this one?

[sonicdragon]

MAID UPDATE:

1. I had a Thai call the maid this morning, and she made it clear the husband won't allow her to come back here, no reason given, other than "the kids need me".

2. I found a new maid, already... someone who used to be a maid in our community, whose farang boss had to move back to Europe... she comes with good references.

I was under the impression paying her well would make her more reliable and hard working, which she was... but I think it's best to stay in line with what others get paid, so the new maid will get less... But I know that in a week or two at most, I know I'll start giving her small gifts. But i'll be more aware of it this time, not that it will make much difference.

Why do you want to give her small gifts ? It's really not a good idea at all. It seems very strange to me.

[elkangorito]

I also wouldn't discount the fact that Thais, being non-confrontational (generally), will let a problem 'fester' until exploding point, at which time, all hel_l brakes loose.

This sounds like many of my farang friends...afraid of 'speaking' up when it is really needed, simmering for weeks, then EXPLODING!!!

Maybe a male maid (butler) would solve any future problems? Actually, come to think of it, this would simply introduce a different set of new problems.

But I know that in a week or two at most, I know I'll start giving her small gifts.

What is this desire to impress people, all about?

Edited September 27, 2007 by elkangorito

[midasthailand]

My maid of almost two years abruptly quit today, and I can't figure out why. Perhaps someone can shed some light on Thai culture, and help me figure out why she quit. Here are the basic facts (as impartially as I can make them).

Before she worked for me, she was a janitor in a school, making 5,000 baht a month, working six days a week, like a slave, for an awful boss. I've been paying her 9,000 baht a month... in addition, I buy her stuff EVERY DAY. For her kids, for her... I've never gone to the market and didn't bring her back something to take back... I would guess it's about 150 baht per day extra that I spend on her. I bought her a washing machine... one day she said her electric went out, and I gave her 4,000 baht to get it repaired. I let her sleep an hour or two PER DAY whenever she wants. I never yell at her or order her around. In short, I thought she had it pretty good.

The husband called and said she works too much, and her young kid cries in the afternoon, cause she doesn't leave her til 5 pm. She was working for me Monday to saturday, 8 Am to 5 pm, but i always let her leave on Saturday by 1 pm.

There is no way I could believe she wasn't happy here... it has to be a problem from the husband.

Do you think he was being all "macho", cause maybe the wife was bringing back more home than him? Do you think he didn't want the wife working for a homo? I honestly can't think of anything.

if she came to me and told me this, I would have told her leave instead at 4 pm, and take saturdays off... but I didn't even have a chance to counter anything.

Why would a maid so abrupty quit?

The only other thing I can think of was that she was cooking breakfast and lunch for me, and I sit in my air conditioned office or go swimming during the day... could he be jealous of that?

I think I've given the full story here, but I haven't a clue what the REAL problem could be. I'm certain it's not from the maid, but it has to be from the husband. I thought I was really helping take care of this nice lady.

To quote Aretha Franklin, "sometimes it hurts like hel_l..." I'm really quite upset about this.

Any thoughts on what I might have missed, or if I might have done something wrong or insulting? I can't think of anything even remotely close...

Having read all the other responses to your original post I feel there is one possibility that has been overlooked. My wife and I lived in Bangkok for three years in the late 90's and had a wonderful maid who we paid much more than the other maids in the complex. We treated her like one of the family and she was very happy. After 2.5 years she turned up to work one morning with her mother in tow and told us that she had to quit, no reason given buts lots of tears shed. I don't know if the labour laws are still the same, but in those days you were required to pay one months salary for each completed year of employment as a bonus to staff leaving your employ.

Some weeks later I visited our ex-maid after her mother had returned up-country and spoke to her at length. It turns out that the mothers husband had gambling debts and the mother forced the daughter to quit and give the bonus to her.

So maybe your lass has a husband with gambling problems?

[Weho]

My maid of almost two years abruptly quit today, and I can't figure out why. Perhaps someone can shed some light on Thai culture, and help me figure out why she quit. Here are the basic facts (as impartially as I can make them).

Before she worked for me, she was a janitor in a school, making 5,000 baht a month, working six days a week, like a slave, for an awful boss. I've been paying her 9,000 baht a month... in addition, I buy her stuff EVERY DAY. For her kids, for her... I've never gone to the market and didn't bring her back something to take back... I would guess it's about 150 baht per day extra that I spend on her. I bought her a washing machine... one day she said her electric went out, and I gave her 4,000 baht to get it repaired. I let her sleep an hour or two PER DAY whenever she wants. I never yell at her or order her around. In short, I thought she had it pretty good.

The husband called and said she works too much, and her young kid cries in the afternoon, cause she doesn't leave her til 5 pm. She was working for me Monday to saturday, 8 Am to 5 pm, but i always let her leave on Saturday by 1 pm.

There is no way I could believe she wasn't happy here... it has to be a problem from the husband.

Do you think he was being all "macho", cause maybe the wife was bringing back more home than him? Do you think he didn't want the wife working for a homo? I honestly can't think of anything.

if she came to me and told me this, I would have told her leave instead at 4 pm, and take saturdays off... but I didn't even have a chance to counter anything.

Why would a maid so abrupty quit?

The only other thing I can think of was that she was cooking breakfast and lunch for me, and I sit in my air conditioned office or go swimming during the day... could he be jealous of that?

I think I've given the full story here, but I haven't a clue what the REAL problem could be. I'm certain it's not from the maid, but it has to be from the husband. I thought I was really helping take care of this nice lady.

To quote Aretha Franklin, "sometimes it hurts like hel_l..." I'm really quite upset about this.

Any thoughts on what I might have missed, or if I might have done something wrong or insulting? I can't think of anything even remotely close...

Having read all the other responses to your original post I feel there is one possibility that has been overlooked. My wife and I lived in Bangkok for three years in the late 90's and had a wonderful maid who we paid much more than the other maids in the complex. We treated her like one of the family and she was very happy. After 2.5 years she turned up to work one morning with her mother in tow and told us that she had to quit, no reason given buts lots of tears shed. I don't know if the labour laws are still the same, but in those days you were required to pay one months salary for each completed year of employment as a bonus to staff leaving your employ.

Some weeks later I visited our ex-maid after her mother had returned up-country and spoke to her at length. It turns out that the mothers husband had gambling debts and the mother forced the daughter to quit and give the bonus to her.

So maybe your lass has a husband with gambling problems?

There's no bonus to be paid in this situation... but now that you mention it... I have no idea if she is a gambler or the husband is, but... she plays these lottery games, and would write thousands of numbers on sheets of paper, and then yack on the phone with someone else, going over the numbers... I think it's lottery, but i'm not sure. It always seemed strange to me, but didn't interfere with anything.

The general consensus seems to be a jealous husband. To answer someone earlier, I was paying her 9,000 baht per month, plus some daily small bonuses. I know I need to try to restrain myself from giving out these unnecessary small bonuses... I guess that's what has caused the problem... I'm dreading spending the time to try to train a new maid. Bottom line is we need to know more about the Thai culture, which is quite different from where we may have come from.

[stumonster]

she plays these lottery games, and would write thousands of numbers on sheets of paper, and then yack on the phone with someone else, going over the numbers... I think it's lottery, but i'm not sure. It always seemed strange to me, but didn't interfere with anything.

maybe she won

[ThaidleHands]

MAID UPDATE:

1. I had a Thai call the maid this morning, and she made it clear the husband won't allow her to come back here, no reason given, other than "the kids need me".

Translated: "My husband is sick of the kids and said he was going to walk if I didn't quit my job."

Speculation? Certainly. But well in line with the pronounced Thai male tendency to take only the short and self-interested view. That perhaps he scuttled his family's financial well-being for immediate gratification in matters of face, comfort and leisure is, if not in the bulls-eye, at least towards the middle of the range of possibilities.

Sympathy in this situation must lie with the maid, and I hope the OP will provide a solid if qualified recommendation in a few month's or year's time when the husband finds a different pretext to completely abandon his repsonsiblities. Meantime we can at least console ourselves she isn't -- like so many other Thai females -- being browbeaten or coerced into something unsavoury to satisfy her family's debts, addictions or thirst for luxury goods.

[sentogawa]

While it's fun to speculate that the father may be a jealous, degenerate gambler intent on sabotaging a healthy employer/employee relationship, perhaps the simplest answer is that, perhaps:

the kids would be better off with their mother around?

... too much of a stretch?

Or it could be the homo thing- not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sorry. old Seinfeld episodes die hard- not that there's anything wrong with that either.

[rtaxron]

Quote: She was working for me Monday to Saturday, 8 Am to 5 pm, but i always let her leave on Saturday by 1 pm.

What else does she do all day from Monday to Saturday after she has served you Breakfast and Lunch, have you got a mansion?

Surely there is only so much work a housemaid can do in 5 and a half days?

[Daewoo]

the kids would be better off with their mother around?

... too much of a stretch?

I am hardly an expert on Thai thought process, but my hypotheses would be that;

You paid her about double what she would normally have earned for her position in society...

Her outgoing spending was the same as if she was only earning 1/3 what you were paying...

The family had been saving the difference (unlikely) or bought the things that they desired (most likely)...

The husband wanted her at home more so he would have less work at home looking after the kids, and decided that they didn't need the extra money anymore...

The husband tried to make her quit but she objected, so he called and quit for her...

Just my thoughts, but Thai's seem to think more about immediate/short term enjoyment than about long term goals... your generosity had provided them with an opportunity for her to 'roll back' her hours and enjoy the standard of living they desired...

I might be a bit of a soft touch, but I can't see why you should give a maid any less than you feel comfortable with... if you are happy, and after 2 years she has enough that she can do something she likes more, or that suits her family better, be happy about it and help another... It's good karma man...

Cheers,

Daewoo

[mumx4]

My guess is that it's the crying child, he couldn't handle it hence telling her to give up work!!

Don't worry it's definately not you, from my experience all Thais coming from low salary earnings are always appreciative of expat employer's helping out.

I know how hard it is to find a good maid "beleive me" but you will find another, just be patient & take your time with it she will come....

[tijnebijn]

It isn't the homo thing for sure , nor that you paid too much .

Many maids do make more than 9k , believe it or not .

In my eyes it must be a selfish move from the husband , probably not controlling the money either,

not able to go out and get drunk with his mates , instead of babysitting and the mia making the money

he should make . I am sure they are going to have a harder time now they changed positions .

Anyway I am very positive that there are many woman or homos (sorry) who will be very happy

and thankful you are able to give them a job with such a nice host .

My advice would be , to pay them a little bit less first and tell them that after a while , doing a good job

it will give them a guaranteed pay rise , it does help , they feel like they did it themselves .

Good luck anyway Weho.

[xyborg]

<br />

the kids would be better off with their mother around?<br />... too much of a stretch?

<br /><br />I am hardly an expert on Thai thought process, but my hypotheses would be that;<br /><br />You paid her about double what she would normally have earned for her position in society...<br />Her outgoing spending was the same as if she was only earning 1/3 what you were paying...<br />The family had been saving the difference (unlikely) or bought the things that they desired (most likely)...<br />The husband wanted her at home more so he would have less work at home looking after the kids, and decided that they didn't need the extra money anymore...<br />The husband tried to make her quit but she objected, so he called and quit for her...<br /><br />Just my thoughts, but Thai's seem to think more about immediate/short term enjoyment than about long term goals... your generosity had provided them with an opportunity for her to 'roll back' her hours and enjoy the standard of living they desired...<br /><br />I might be a bit of a soft touch, but I can't see why you should give a maid any less than you feel comfortable with... if you are happy, and after 2 years she has enough that she can do something she likes more, or that suits her family better, be happy about it and help another... It's good karma man...<br /><br />Cheers,<br />Daewoo<br /><br /><br />

<br /><br /><br />

My wife certainly takes a long tem view, never wants to borrow any money to buy anything always cash only or we dont have it.

[tijnebijn]

<br />

the kids would be better off with their mother around?<br />... too much of a stretch?

<br /><br />I am hardly an expert on Thai thought process, but my hypotheses would be that;<br /><br />You paid her about double what she would normally have earned for her position in society...<br />Her outgoing spending was the same as if she was only earning 1/3 what you were paying...<br />The family had been saving the difference (unlikely) or bought the things that they desired (most likely)...<br />The husband wanted her at home more so he would have less work at home looking after the kids, and decided that they didn't need the extra money anymore...<br />The husband tried to make her quit but she objected, so he called and quit for her...<br /><br />Just my thoughts, but Thai's seem to think more about immediate/short term enjoyment than about long term goals... your generosity had provided them with an opportunity for her to 'roll back' her hours and enjoy the standard of living they desired...<br /><br />I might be a bit of a soft touch, but I can't see why you should give a maid any less than you feel comfortable with... if you are happy, and after 2 years she has enough that she can do something she likes more, or that suits her family better, be happy about it and help another... It's good karma man...<br /><br />Cheers,<br />Daewoo<br /><br /><br />

<br /><br /><br />

My wife certainly takes a long tem view, never wants to borrow any money to buy anything always cash only or we dont have it.

Tehn she is one of few that I know of .

Good for you though

[siam-i-am]

Do you think he didn't want the wife working for a homo?

thai's arn;t that shallow ,seams to me he was jelous she was probably earning more than him.

If her old man was Bi then it was jealousy

[torrenova]

To the poster who mentioned the woman quitting to get a bonus.

I was of the understanding that a payment was only due if the employer terminated the employment. Just wanting to quit would, in my understanding, mean nothing more than payment of salary to date and even then, non completion of the current salary period (likely to be a month) could mean that the current salary was forfeit or reduced.

[CNXagent]

Weho,

I fully understand how you feel about your maid quitting without any notices.

My maid quit after 3 years too.

Her behaviour is more strange than your maid.

On 9th April, she needed to 'go back home in up-country' because her brother was released from prison. Then he will be deported and she will not have any more chance to meet her brother .She would like to visit him and then return before SongKran festival.

She is 'suppose' to return on 12 April.

I asked if she has enough money to go back and she replied that she can manage. So, I gave her extra of 1,500 baht.

Her salary with me is 3,500 baht each month. But there is additional of 1,000 baht for washing my car.

If I have entertainment at home and she need to stay up late, I pay her over-time like 100 to 200 baht each time. This over time happens about once or twice each month only. So on the average, her salary is about 5,000 baht each month.

Then there is also the 13 month bonus that I gave her each April for SongKran.

I renew her work permit each year and that cost another 3,800 baht which I fully paid for her.

I also buy her toiletries like soap and samphoo , instand noodles , cakes etc nearly every week. Sometimes, I give extra like 200 baht for her to buy new clothings. When I go to the market with her, I will slip another 100 baht for her to buy her favourite food / fruits etc.

............

On 12 April when she did not return by night time, I called her. She told me that she will return only on 14 April. So, I advised her to book her bus ticket to make sure that she can return on time.

But she never return.

I called her number, but she was out of reach. ( She changed her sim card !! )

...........

I was frustrated as my breakfast is prepared by her according to my taste. Now, I need to prepare it myself.

My bedroom need tidying , my car need washing and my floor need mopping etc etc...

My lunch and dinner is not the same anymore. I need to prepare everthing by myself. When she was with me, she knows exactly what I want as she is well train and I just need to put those things on the table and she will chop and prepare my meals according to my taste.

..........

Had to train up a new maid. But her standard is not comparable to my former maid. Kicked her out after one month.

Train up another 2 maids, now hopfully, they can give me some peace at home when they handle the house chores. But again they were not up to the former maid standard. 2 maids vs 1 maid and still not on par.

..........

I checked around and finally have news about her whereabout. I went all the way down there to meet her and spoke to her.

She is working in a foodcourt. Her salary is just 4,500 baht. She need to work from 9.00am to 9.00pm. She need to pay for her own room - 1,500 baht.

So, she only left with just 3,000 baht !

(Confirmed one this salary news )

............

I made an offer for her. Increase her last salary by another 1,000 baht. If she returns, she can get back her bonus of 5,000 baht with me too. ( Actually , I had intended this amount for her for Songkran this year)

............

She made all kind of excuses. Told me that she need to wait for her salary which her present employer held by ( as a form of deposits ) . Her salary will be 2 weeks late.

She will need to give 2 weeks notice.

She will think over carefully my offer for her and let me know etc etc etc.

.........

2 weeks later, she told me that her salary is still not paid. I did not want to wait further. So, I told her that I will pay her what was due by her present foodcourt operator and she can just quit her job there. Since she has given the required 2 weeks notice, she has done nothing wrong.

Again she promise to return by needs another few days to sort things out.

.........

One week later, I called her and she let someone speak to me instead ! Keep on giving all sorts of silly excuses like not around, busy etc etc.

That is the worse behaviour I ever experienced.

I am even more puzzled than you.

She was not behaving like that when she work for me for the past 3 years. She is honest, clean and hardworking.

Now, after 6 months, I am still in search of that elusive maid that can really work .

BTW, I am firing one of my maid this saturday. So, there goes and only one maid to handle things at home. There will be more interviews and training..........

[onethailand]

If she's made the excuse once, don't bother. The Thai (or actually, as you had to apply for a work permit for her, I assume she is Burmese) way is not to say no directly.

No telling what caused her to leave - but it's clear she won't (or can't) come back to work for you. Raising her salary won't do - nothing will. The fact that she is working for less as well should tell you something.

Edited October 4, 2007 by onethailand

[ThaiPauly]

9k for a maid is way over the top. No doubt she was earning much more than her husband and he got jealous, (bite of your nose to spite your face thing)

Simon

I have to concur...you are way beyond generous.......plus the Thai males "Face" being rubbed in her earning power, they may have had a fight the previuos night and she rubbed his nose in he fact that she was earning more than him and so he pulled the plug on it..no matter how much it hurts them financially

[JonnieB]

My maid of almost two years abruptly quit today, and I can't figure out why. Perhaps someone can shed some light on Thai culture, and help me figure out why she quit. Here are the basic facts (as impartially as I can make them).

Before she worked for me, she was a janitor in a school, making 5,000 baht a month, working six days a week, like a slave, for an awful boss. I've been paying her 9,000 baht a month... in addition, I buy her stuff EVERY DAY. For her kids, for her... I've never gone to the market and didn't bring her back something to take back... I would guess it's about 150 baht per day extra that I spend on her. I bought her a washing machine... one day she said her electric went out, and I gave her 4,000 baht to get it repaired. I let her sleep an hour or two PER DAY whenever she wants. I never yell at her or order her around. In short, I thought she had it pretty good.

Too good I would say. I didn't even read beyond the point I highlighted above. You were too generous and "jai dee" (as most farangs are wont to be when it comes to Thai domestic staff) when it came to your maid. By overpaying her (doubling her pay) and buying stuff for her and her kids, you disrupted the proper relationship between an employer and domestic staff. I would bet that back in farangland, you never employed domestic staff. There is a proper line (distance) that must be maintained between people who employ domestic staff (in any country). The basic rule is you cannot get involved in their family/domestic affairs. By overpaying her salary and buying her extras, in a way you were trying to make her life situation easier (interfering in her life). You must set a standard but fair salary and stick to it. It is up to her to decide if she wants to work for this wage or not and then it's up to her to arrange her life around this salary. In dire emergencies, salary advances can be considered but other than that, her problems are her own.

By definition, most domestic staff are poor and have myriad domestic and financial problems. As an employer, you are helping out just by employing the person. To do more leads to nothing but problems.