Help Please

[malt48]

When I first went to Surin to meet the future in-laws I took no gifts. I was to pay future mother-in-law a 10 baht note before I was allowed into their house. This was because I took my teruk's virginity I think....but one never knows in LOS. At the doorway there were a couple of candles burning...and my feet were washed in a bowl of water by my teruk, at the doorway. After that, all was OK. I was accepted as part of the family (well, one never knows for certain about this, ea?)

Father in-law loves the Christmas lights I gave him later in our relationship. Mum loves the creams, sisters love the Aussie T-shirts, Kids (thousands of them!) love the mars bars.

For first meeting with an internet girl I think:

No knives (agree with all you guys) or sharp instruments.

Gold... oh . how nice...then you are expected to be the family bank from that point on.

Maybe a voucher from the local vet for the buffalo who will soon be sick, or a voucher for the surgeon who will remove grandmas cataracts. (oops sorry, joking here).

Honestly....no gifts fot for anyone....take a swag of mars bars or different sweets for the family/village kids...you will be swarmed by these delightful kids . Do this and gain a lot of merit. I assume you are not a phedophile

A good slap up meal...goes well.

Ask for a trip to the local temple...and get a basket of goodies for the local monks....wow, you are a 'good man and I lub you forever'.

Hope this helps and good luck....I have been married to a good Issan girl for 17 years and couldn't be happier...

AussieCollin

Hi Colin.

Thanks to you & the few others that have given some positive answers. I do appreciate.

It's 4:30 Sunday morning here now & I'm just heading off to work, so time is a bit limited. As soon as I get in this afternoon I'll give you a little more background on me & the relationship, that is if you are interested. Was impressed sufficiently with your response to reply as soon as I read it. I realise some of my questions may appear odd to those of you that have lived there for some time but I do assure you that I am genuine & accept and appreciate all "reasonable" advice.

Thanks again.

Malt48.

[Vegemite]

Hello Malt48,

sorry if I offended.

Did you mean that you were going to spend 5 days in Thailand or 5 days upcountry?

The reason that I ask is because the first time that I went upcountry was a mix between adventure and culture shock.

5 days in a village is probably the maximum for me but 5 days in Thailand, is definately not enough.

Have thrown in a couple of pics of upcountry shops and one of a bit of a rice farm.

Can send more if you are interested.

All the best.

Edited October 7, 2007 by Vegemite

[Ygg]

Hi,

Good luck, I think its a good idea to bring some gifts. I would not spend a lot, but its always nice to get a present. If you really like the girl (and you must if since your going to see her) spend more on her. Get her some thing nice and for the rest of the family some thing cheap but nice will make them happy. Who knows what, you probably got some good ideas from this post. How about an IPod for the girl. My girl liked hers. I brought a lot of stupid little things like Magnets, or trinket things from my city. It was nice to be able to give them her friends or who ever.

Try to be yourself and do what you think is right. To many people have there own opinions that may be good for them, but there not you. You can find yourself being miss led or reading to much into things. Who know where this will lead. But no matter what, its a nice costum to bring a little gift, any one would appreciate that.

Jim

[Thaddeus]

Who know where this will lead. But no matter what, its a nice costum to bring a little gift, any one would appreciate that.

Jim

Whose custom? ... it certainly isn't a Thai one. The Thai custom is to show how well they can make visitors welcome, end expect nothing in return.

It's life Jim, but not as we know it.

[kamalabob2]

Malt48: EVERY post and piece of advise was valid in a way. My question is how long are you going to be in Thailand on your FIRST trip? I should have read a few books much earlier in my 6 years of traveling to Thailand. As one of the posters suggested going to visit her "village" on your first trip is really not proper. If a Thai woman brings a Farang home to meet the family it means it is a REAL serious relationship. Meeting the family on a "first date" is perhaps standard in some Western Cultures, but NOT in Thailand. Perhaps you could gain some valuable information from checking a few books out of your local library. These are valid books: "Culture Shock Thailand", "Culture and Customs of Thailand", "Thailand Culture Smart" They are worth your time. More fun to read would be a couple of Jerry Hopkins books "Thailand Confidential" or "Bangkok Babylon". I believe that successful author is married to an Issan woman. Even the book/tape/cd set "Thai for Lovers" has guidance on dating and the ramifications of meeting the family of a Thai woman.

I've only been married for one year to my Issan wife and there was no problem that I did not bring any gifts when I first met her family. They went out of their way to make me comfortable and I enjoyed the food and sharing a beverage with the family.

However, when it took so darn long for her to cook a meal at the family house I looked into the kitchen area. Only one gas burner. I asked her what gift would help her parents the most and she said a "Double Lucky Flame". She explained they would not spend more baht on cooking gas, but would be able to cook two dishes at the same time. I seem to recall a AT402 Double Lucky Flame with regulator and hose was about 1800 baht. Not Crocodile or Imarflex, a genuine Lucky Flame Stainless Steel Gas Cooker on a stand with a shelf would be "big face" and genuine help for her family. The existing single burner model went to a sister. Maybe your Internet girlfriend's family already has a top loading washing machine, tile on the floor and a working Fridge. If the fridge says Singer you can bet it was bought on "the knock".

If it was my first trip to Thailand I'd be on a beach such as Phuket, Koh Samui or even Pattaya. Going straight to Issan first go around is harsh and you would miss so much of the "Thailand Visitor Experience". It seems to me that 8p.m. is the curfew in the village unless you want to watch Thai Soap Operas. or sing Karaoke.

Wait until you see how they use kitchen knives to cut wood in the Village and see how kids handle candy and snack wrappers.

Issan is great, I'm happy to live here full time and raise a family, but I would FIRE a travel agent who suggested this area on my FIRST or SECOND or THIRD or even SEVENTH trip to Thailand.

Your heart might be in the right place but as EVERY previous poster has in a way stated, things are NOT the same as Western Society.

I might add on your first or 2nd trip to any Internet shop in Thailand you will see a woman (or 3rd sex) chatting, doing some video communication or e-mail to one or MORE Farang. They want to keep "options open" and who could blame them.

Those of us that enjoy living here might be wondering about your hotel accommodations near the village. If you read some of the books I suggested things might go much smoother for you when you eventually visit the family. I sincerely wish you good luck, but I would hold off on that flight to Issan until I had spent considerable time with her. EVERY VILLAGE and TOWN has dozens of educated women who are 1) single, 2) divorced, 3) would dump the Thai Boyfriend, 4) would leave the Thai Husband for "Farang with a good heart". There are no shortages of eligible, willing and qualified potential Thai girlfriends.

[Cuban]

I would suggest that you drive there. That way you are independant should you need to escape the confines of the village for whatever reason. You control where you visit when exploring the area - otherwise you might be expected to get up - feed - visit the local ATM - shop at wholesale market - feed - buy drink - feed - sleep - repeat for the duration of your stay.

Presents. Before even considering to buy gold in your home country you need an education in Thai gold, both it's quality and what styles are considered good. Frankly as others have posted what is sold as gold in farang-land is carp in the eyes of a Thai that probably has a few Baht of the real stuff.

Christmas is not a present exchanging event in Thailand, in Issan in particular. Suggest you bring a few tee shirts etc and picture postcards and photo albums (PC/ digi camera) this does more for communication that some item that your country values with a high price that means nothing out in the sticks.

With a car/pickup you can drive the family to the town for something to eat, Lao Buffet typical venue of choice, I suggest you ENSURE you take all related children as this will reduce the amount of whiskey that the family drink. If you want to buy a gift for senior family members it would make sense to do this after you have met them and understood what they might need.

Maybe a trip to the nearest city to see a film and eat in a fancy place, take a camera spend the time getting good family photographs. Every town has photo shops with PCs for your SD card and framing services. If you want to be remembered your picture could be on the wall and seen every day.

You may be wrapped up in an online relationship - but remember this is your first day and you don't really know even if she smells nice. If you have a car you can always drive down to Pattaya to enjoy a dip in the sea, plenty of fish there...