Why Won't The Wife Organise Dinner?

[Naam]

I wake up in the morning, get the kids up, clean them, change the rubbish bins, pack the car send the kids of to their appropriate destinations (school etc.), work all day, pick the kids up, deliver them elsewhere, back to work, finish for the day, head home, usually only having eaten nibbles & maybe a little noodle dish.

Hungry as anything, I approach the house, settle down for a few moments of rest, & then inquire with the wife as to what we may be eating for dinner. Kids are hovering in the background, obviously hungry.

Sorry, she replies (on a daily basis). "I have allready eaten. You will have to organise some food for yourself."

a good beating once a week should solve that problem

[cmsally]

OK, time for me to own up, my husband does all the cooking!

Although we are both very busy, so it is only on some days of the week.

The other days we will coordinate for one of us to buy dinner to bring home.

There are many reasons for this - one is he is such a good cook he sets a benchmark and although I can cook, when the family gets used to his cooking no one will eat mine. Same goes for the maebahn, no one especially my husband will eat what she cooks. Although I think she is a pretty reasonable cook.

So in our family it is just accepted that husband is great cook so no one will settle for second best so in that dept I am redundant. Even if buying food I have to be careful and buy from passable places that he considers edible.

Offhand I can think of many families where the men do the cooking, it just seems to be that whoever cooks best gets that job.

However I do all the paperwork, bills, accounts etc (which my husband hates) and any clearing up after his cooking .

So giving someone the cooking hat when they consider themselves not good at it might not work. But there's so much food for sale here it would be hard to go hungry.

All you have to do is call your wife during the day and ask her what's for dinner. Tell her you don't have time to arrange and ask her to buy something suitable and then work from there. Getting angry about it won't get you anywhere . I once said to my husband if he wanted me to become a good cook he could send me on a cooking course to BKK with that funny guy on the TV who I believe has a cookery school. My husband thought about it for a moment and said he would rather go himself, he might pick up some new tips and recipes. Can't say I didn't try.

[qualtrough]

Wow, after reading this, all I can say is...I am so lucky!

Ditto. I am waiting for my sloppy joes, potato chips, and corn on the cob to be delivered to me so I can eat in front of the screen today. The OP and his kids are getting a raw deal, but it may be difficult to get to the bottom of the real issue (s). I wish him luck.

[meadish_sweetball]

Feel free to continue the debate as to whose responsibility it is to prepare the daily meals.

It's always tough to judge from scarce info and not having met either of you. Anyways, it sounds to me like she is pissed off with you but won't say what it is 'because you should realize that yourself'.

This may be her method of telling you she is not happy with something you have done (or not done) recently.

As for whose responsibility it is, my answer would be that it is the responsibility of the person you have agreed upon in your family. If you have not discussed this issue, sounds like it is time to do so.

It is not automatically her responsibility just because she is a woman. Even if that is the cultural norm. You are two adults living together, you can set whatever rules you like.

EDIT..However, since she was first to come home, it would make sense that she should do it. And the question is also, IF she is pissed off at YOU, why does she let the kids take the hit?

[mellow1]

Whenever my wife goes into town I tell her to buy food to eat, so she doesn't have to cook dinner.

Our kitchen is separated from the house by a hallway. It has 3 large window with screens and a fan.

When cooking supper at 3 or 4 PM its hotter than hel_l in there. I wouldn't want to be in there either, its just gets too hot for me. Why shouldn't my wife feel the same?

[rixalex]

I don't think she's pissed off. I've met many Thais that live in this manner of eating at eratic times without worrying about fitting into the regular meal times of other people. It just doesn't occur to them. Thoughtless none the less, especially with kids involved.

[Naam]

there's only one treatment a wife deserves who does not prepare or arranges to prepare food for her husband and children. KICK HER ASS!

[DamianMavis]

"Mr. Mavis, while I can see where you are coming from, you are a little off the mark there. That is normally the advice I am dishing out to some small business owners when things start to go pear shaped & they need to pull their fingers out to rectify the situation. Appreciate straight talk none the less. "

Ok, truthfully you would know better than I. But the posts up until now made it seem like the way I read it. Hope it all works out.

Damian Mavis

[Aussietraveller]

Soundman,

I do not want to make light of your situation, but i am sure i am not the only one who would like to know if you got fed tonight?

Hope things work out..

Cheers

[soundman]

Since everybody is having a little giggle at some aspects of my "situation" (no probs at all BTW ), I have just re-entered my office after having devoured two boiled frankfarts, wrapped in sugary bread bought from 7/11, with a slice of something close to cheese & some genuine HOT English mustard bought 18 months ago at Villa supermarket on Pahoyothin near Soi Aree.

The kids enjoyed kao put goong & moo yahng! Lucky little beggars!

Now, just relaxing in front of tv for about an hour and consuming four cans of Leo Beer, interspersed with meaningful conversation on the internet with heaps of people that I can try and relate to through their avatars!

Cheers boys & girls,

Have a pleasant evening!

Soundman.

[mikethevigoman]

Since everybody is having a little giggle at some aspects of my "situation" (no probs at all BTW ), I have just re-entered my office after having devoured two boiled frankfarts, wrapped in sugary bread bought from 7/11, with a slice of something close to cheese & some genuine HOT English mustard bought 18 months ago at Villa supermarket on Pahoyothin near Soi Aree.

The kids enjoyed kao put goong & moo yahng! Lucky little beggars!

Now, just relaxing in front of tv for about an hour and consuming four cans of Leo Beer, interspersed with meaningful conversation on the internet with heaps of people that I can try and relate to through their avatars!

Cheers boys & girls,

Have a pleasant evening!

Soundman.

Dare we ask, wheres the wife ?

[Andiamo]

Just wanted to add my twopennorth worth - slightly off topic - just to say this thread has also been interesting to read to see how different people organise cooking and food at home and to say it's great to see that not everyone "fits the mould" of what is expected.... (CM Sally, Bina etc).

Hope you don't starve tonight Soundman and it all sorts itself out and turns out to have been a storm in a teacup!

[Andiamo]

Since everybody is having a little giggle at some aspects of my "situation" (no probs at all BTW ), I have just re-entered my office after having devoured two boiled frankfarts, wrapped in sugary bread bought from 7/11, with a slice of something close to cheese & some genuine HOT English mustard bought 18 months ago at Villa supermarket on Pahoyothin near Soi Aree.

The kids enjoyed kao put goong & moo yahng! Lucky little beggars!

Now, just relaxing in front of tv for about an hour and consuming four cans of Leo Beer, interspersed with meaningful conversation on the internet with heaps of people that I can try and relate to through their avatars!

Cheers boys & girls,

Have a pleasant evening!

Soundman.

HOT Mustard EVEN - you are pulling out all the stops eh!

Ciao

[plasticpig]

Multi tasking in Thailand, big problem so most cant handle it.

[soundman]

Dare we ask, wheres the wife ?

I'm drinking beer - so who cares?

Nah - she is at home half way through a 73 disc Korean movie series!

[mikethevigoman]

Dare we ask, wheres the wife ?

I'm drinking beer - so who cares?

Nah - she is at home half way through a 73 disc Korean movie series!

Why arent you watching it with her !

[Bpraim1]

Hahaha, Soundman, this all happened because your scared of your wife and she wears the paints.

She doesn't scare me, I'll butt out her smokes anytime I want to eat in peace.

Don't blow your smoke in my face and I won't blow my food in yours.

All laughing aside, sorry man, hope it gets better. Nothing like working your ass off and come'n home to a nice warm meal.

[soundman]

Hahaha, Soundman, this all happened because your scared of your wife and she wears the paints.

She doesn't scare me, I'll butt out her smokes anytime I want to eat in peace.

Don't blow your smoke in my face and I won't blow my food in yours.

All laughing aside, sorry man, hope it gets better. Nothing like working your ass off and come'n home to a nice warm meal.

Jeez, I'd forgotten - you've met her!

Don't let a little social victory like blowing your food all over everybody else's plates & getting away with it go to your head! Thai's have long memories! Next time you may be biting into your som tum & be lucky enough to find a "dta carp" lying in the mix.

Cheers man!

[Bpraim1]

Good thing I don't eat Som Tum.

Anyway How is life, besides no dinner?

Sounds like you need to do some shopping, after the hotdog in suger bread and cheesey/hot mustard sauce.

Sure you are only drink'n beer. Last time I eat a concoction like that, I was well gone on some left handed cigarttes.

[coldcrush]

My Wife is cooking fresh Tom Yam now, with fresh prawns and squid, nice and spicy. Sorry to hear of your bad fortune SM, however see you later I gotta go eat and drink a chilled beer served by my beautiful Wife and excellent cook all rolled into one!

[MiG16]

i only just saw this thread (not ventured into General in ages), read through the pages, and hesitated about replying. mainly cos 1) others have already pointed it out, infact many others have said so, and 2) your subsequent responses showing an 'its no big deal' attitude........

BUT

its nagging me now and just have to say it.

to me this is not about whose role it should be, or how you share chores in the household, but theres something that is quite worrying. unless its a once off incident (which doesnt seem to be the case?)

the protected/privileged lifestyle that a few have cited is still no excuse. if she managed to find food for herself, i dont see why she couldnt have done so for you and the children? its easy enough to buy something in thailand.....even those that dont earn a lot in bkk can afford to buy one of these take-aways. or if she didnt buy anything for herself, but just isnt hungry then the least she can do is provide some form of basic food available in the house (sandwiches?, rice with an omelette? ) buy something simple, make something simple....the options are there. to say she doesnt care as long as shes eaten....I just cant imagine someone saying that to their own family.

even when people live in shared house (not even friends at the starting) they extend that gesture of kindness.

dont want to be overly critical, but thats how I feel.

ok rant over

ohhh and I dont cook by the way certainly not for myself ...but I would and have cooked for people at home when I have to. (teenage cousin visit for a weekend for instance!)

[mcgriffith]

Ditto to what cmsally said about her situation. When I was married years ago my wife was a Princess from an upper class Peruvian family. She was brought up with a kitchen maid, a room maid, a chauffeur, a "mayordomo" (sort of a capo di tutti capo servant), etc.

When she came to live in the US, I worked, she was a stay at home mom with our young son. I worked all day, came home beat-to-death tired.....and I still did all the cooking! The missus couldn't boil an egg without making a mess. She however had other wonderful qualities so it was no skin off my nose to cook.....

Whatever works for you, is right. I don't necessarily agree that it is her task based on gender to do the meals.

Sounds like take out Thai (healthy and nutritious) is the way to go here.

McG

[Tywais]

Nah - she is at home half way through a 73 disc Korean movie series!

There's a short term solution. Hide the CDs and tell her one CD - one meal.

[Kf6vci]

I seem to recall that your wife runs a construction company and maybe some other family interests. Also that you have a few house staff. Maybe it's time to interview some staff with cooking skills. It is a little worriesome that she doesn't seem to care that no one else has eaten though. Time to give the job to someone else.

If she works, I would suggest you organise deliveries. Get a motorcycle taxi to bring you food from one of the many street vendors you like. The order Pad Thai / Pad Pak or whatever x 5 but it might cost 150 Baht. Would that be a problem?

Buy an automatic rice cooker and one of those woks with integrated hot plate (or do you have a complete kitchen)?

A "chef" might be another solution. A lady might come in to prepare dinner.

Or take a trip to a restaurant on the street. Many offer excellent meals for 20-30 Baht. It won't be cheaper cooking yourself at these prices!!

[Mobi]

All the practical suggestions on how the OP can get decent food on the table for himself and his kids are wonderful, and no doubt will be put to good use.

But it doesn't solve the underlying problem of a wife who not only doesn't give two hoots about her husband being hungry, but also doesn't seem to care if her own kids are not fed properly.

And as for watching Korean DVD's when her family comes home hungry - well - I repeat - IMHO there is something terribly wrong here that needs to be addressed.

You can't just paper over the cracks and say "Buy take aways". Mrs Soundman does not sound like a loving and caring wife to me

[kmart]

Trade her in for a domestic model. Swap the Ferrari for a Volvo Estate.

[cmsally]

Maybe she's a Korean soap opera addict ! Some Thai women can watch these things for hours. My neighbour used to have packs of them, but I thought the craze had passed; it was a big thing last year. Maybe she could be encouraged to make Korean Barbecue and Kimchi !!

[Grover]

Maybe she's a Korean soap opera addict ! Some Thai women can watch these things for hours. My neighbour used to have packs of them, but I thought the craze had passed; it was a big thing last year.

Careful, if your wife is watching these soap operas all day long, she might be unknowingly fantasizing to behave like one of these petulant soap opera actresses in real life.

[jackr]

Sorry, but she needs a good kick up the bottom by the sounds. Taking care of her own meals but doesn't think to feed her husband and kids

[plasticpig]

Trade her in for a domestic model. Swap the Ferrari for a Volvo Estate.

Yes, but i would go for a better Farrari, with less miles on the clock.

not one thats had to many oil changes.