Violant Thai Woman

[tropo]

I tend to agree, you always see the man grabbing the woman and pulling her back in those soap operas. Force is shown as a sign of true love.

If your being hit and not hitting back the person will continue and repeat it. It's interesting to hear so many men say they have been hit and done nothing to retaliate. In each case the abuse continued and probably got worse.

I'm sure there are a lot of men who have hit back, it would be interesting to hear from them.

What about all the men who said they didn't hit back but did.

I refuse to believe there are so many pussies out there who submit to this abuse without retaliation.

[sbk]

check "borderline personality disorder" in google ... it will explain a lot !

The OP's wife is hardly "borderline", she has taken it to extremes.

borderline personality disorder has nothing to do with being on the border of anything but is the name of something quite specific.

[WaiWai]

Cultural factors do affect psychology.

Two studies by Weisz et al. support the hypothesis that culture “influences the ways in which youth express

psychological distress” (p. 18). In both studies, over 90% of Thai children came from a Buddhist household, where selfcontrol

and emotional restraint are highly valued behaviors (Weisz et al., 1993). Accordingly, both studies found that Thai

youth exhibited more internalizing problem behaviors (e. g., anxiety and depression), when compared to American youth.

However, the second study indicated that Thai youth also exhibited aggressive behaviors at a rate similar to that of youths in

the United States Thus, no cross-cultural differences could be found with regard to externalizing problems, but differences

were found with regard to internalizing problems.

datatrends.fmhi.usf.edu/summary_30.pdf

Whatever the cause, it is definitely time to move on and take steps to protect the children and yourself.

Taking your wife to the hospital sounds like a good idea to me.

Let us know how you get on. Are you in Pattaya now ? If you could mention your area, some other members in the vicinity might contact you to offer support.

[LinkPopularity]

check "borderline personality disorder" in google ... it will explain a lot !

The OP's wife is hardly "borderline", she has taken it to extremes.

pointless remark; thing is that the OP will recognize the symptons when reading about it and so he'll be able to understand better what he's dealing with

most other remarks here are pointless

OP,

your wife has a mental condition, read about it, it's real and very serious, check the different sites, as well the personal one's; with stories like yours and personal experiences, as wll from patients as from people who had to deal with a borderline in their live and also the professional one's, there you'll find your answers, not on this forum

good luck,

M

[tropo]

check "borderline personality disorder" in google ... it will explain a lot !

The OP's wife is hardly "borderline", she has taken it to extremes.

borderline personality disorder has nothing to do with being on the border of anything but is the name of something quite specific.

I understand it's a medical condition, however don't you consider the terminology to be extremely misleading?...especially when the condition could result in serious physical harm, manslaughter or suicide.

[YangYaiEric]

My ex-wife pulled a knife on me 3 times over a period of 3 years and at other times was verbally abusive. Explains really why she is now the ex-wife.

The first time I thought it was my fault or my behaviour causing the problem. After moving the family back to the home my country the behaviour continued. Moved back to LOS thinking she would be happier here and she became even worse. All in all the marriage lasted 5 years. Most of it was stable but to this day I can not find any rationale for her behaviour. There are some clues but I'm no psychologist. Often she would not do the housework or watch TV all day. I come home from work and it's obvious nothing has happened all day. My guess is some sort of depression but I could never find out the cause.

When she went crazy it seemed like the temper tantrums of a child, except with the threat of serious physical injury. As for the knives, in each case I managed to disarm her. I do remember after the second occassion I removed all knives from the premises. On the third occassion about 6 months before we were officially divorced I had to sleep barricaded in the bedroom. We separated shortly after but she demanded financial incentive to leave. I paid, what else could I do ?

I am now remarried and never have experienced the same behaviour. It seems my previous wife may have suffered from depression or had a violent character or grown up in a situation where this behaviour was learned or acceptable. My current wife is also from a rural Isaan village but is completely different. I blame myself for marrying the wrong girl. Perhaps if I had been more fluent in Thai when I married previously I might have discovered some tell tale signs but when communication is limited I think it is difficult to get a full picture of a person's mental state. Caution is necessary and long "engagement" periods recommended.

I agree with most of your comments sibeymai, especially about the 'long period of engagement' before thinking of marrying a Thai lady.

I would just like to throw in my own take of the Thai/Farang relationship. Most, and I stress 'most' of these relationships are based on the Thai lady being a former Bar Girl. These girls usually come from a violent background, where physical abuse is quite common within their family structure. Their lives as Bar Girls are, by definition, debasing and demoralising, and many of these girls often take drugs to try to deal with their miserable lives. So, when they do meet and marry a Farang, she already carries alot of emotional baggage into the relationship, which often leads to feeling of emotional stress trying to fit into the stereo-typical role of good mother and caring wife; a role which she simply cannot accomodate over a long period of time.

I have seen several examples of this scenerio with old friends married to ex-bar girls; the relationship looks 'normal' for a few months, and then reality raises its ugly head, causing serious rifts in the marriage. Many of these marriages do not last, precisely for the reasons outlined above. Another issue is the age-gap involved in most of these marrages. Many older Farang men usually end up marrying a much younger Thai girl, the age-gap being approx. 10 - 15 years. Such an age-gap, in my opinion, raises many negative issues that arise later on in a marriage.

I've been married for 20 years to a wonderful Thai woman. Although she wasn't of the ex-Bar Girl type (she actually came from a solid middle-income conservative Thai family), I must admit though, that things weren't always smooth sailing. The first couple years were the roughest; especially with the language barrier causing MANY misunderstanding on BOTH our parts .

Going back to the OP's problems, I think he should have realised his mistake early on in his relationship with his wife, and called an end to the relationship based on her totally irrational behaviour. However, we can never know the REAL truth behind a husband/wife relationship breakdown; who was ACTUALY at fault? You guess is as good as mine!

Better luck next time Mate! (if there ever IS a next time!)

YangYai

[LinkPopularity]

check "borderline personality disorder" in google ... it will explain a lot !

The OP's wife is hardly "borderline", she has taken it to extremes.

borderline personality disorder has nothing to do with being on the border of anything but is the name of something quite specific.

I understand it's a medical condition, however don't you consider the terminology to be extremely misleading?...especially when the condition could result in serious physical harm, manslaughter or suicide.

borderline refers to the fact that it's between a psychological problem and a psychiatric problem

to make a long story short:

psychological : caused by an experience, can be solved with therapy

psychiatric: dysfunction of the brain; can only be solved with medication (or not)

while borderline disorders are caused by a psychological problem they results in a temporarily psychiatric problem, making it all very hard to diagnose and cure

Edited November 3, 2007 by LinkPopularity

[lor]

Many thanks for all the replies. Most of the advice is to run but also follow legal procedures to divorce and get custody.

This could be hard becasue my wife and I have two children. One is mine (A little girl aged 8) and the other she had before we met. He was only 4 when we married. Now he is 13. I love him like my own son and he also loves me. One time she was hitting me a few months ago, when we still lived together and he started screaming that he hated her, why did she always do that? He said he wanted to leave her and go live with me. <y little girl was just sceaming hysterically. It was heart breaking, that's why I finaly decided we had to fininsh and I left the house. It wasn't for me it was for the children.

If I tried to run and leave the country there is no way I would be able to take my/her son with me. He does have an English passport, as does my daughter (They have both English and Thai passports) but his surname is different. The checks at the airport are now very strict, many times if you try to travel with a child who is not yours and has a different name you will be stopped.

To try and build up a legal case here I will have to get evidance of many beatings. There are a lot of witnesses but it is unlikely they will come forward. I can document them from now on by reporting each one and getting a medical report but I am well aware that the next one may be the last.

I do not understand the posters who call me a "pussy" for not hitting back. It would be so easy to lash out at her, It takes so much more strengh not to respond. If it was a man I would not hessitate but a woman I will not hit. In any case, I am sure that is what she wants me to do. Here in Thailand one bruise on her and I am picked up by the police.

As for where I am. I am in Jomtien, near Pattaya. I have no friends here just the people I know who come into the bar.

I could sell the bar and live somewhewre else but this bar makes money. Without it the expensive school the children go to could not be paid for. It also pays the rent for their house and another 20,000 baht a month to their mum for food. If I sold the bar and moved away where she could not find me I would not see the children and soon the capital would go and they would then have no home or school.

Someone said the bar was the problem, jealousy etc. That is her excuse now, but in England I did not work becasue of ill health and stayed at home. Their was no excuse then. The truth is she will find any reason for what she does.

It is hard to say why I stayed in the relationship for so long. I loved her very much, I stayed for the sake of the children and in the end I left for the sake of the children.

Someone asked what she is like around other people. They all say that in the last 6 months since I left her she has changed. She was very good at hiding it before but now they all say she is sick, she looks terrible, she talks strangly about conspiricies etc, she talks in circles and never listens to anything people say to her. I have a mental health background, I know she has had a breakdown. She is paranoid and delusional. In England one phone call she would be sectioned for her own good, but here in Thailand what can I do.

She says she wants a lump some of money to get away from me and go back to England with the children. I am going to try and get her this money any way I can. I hope she really does go back to England because once there I will have more control and can get her the help she needs. Here the only thing I can do is slowly build up a dossier and play the legal system. Unless of course I just think of myself, sell up and run abandoning her and the children to poverty.

Sorry for typos but last time she kicked me in the head hard! Since then my right hand shakes. The hospital are checking it. Could just be nerves, I hope so.

So my options as I see them are to look after myself and run or stay around trying to build a slow case against her or encourage her to return to England by herself with the children. I think a mixture of the last two will be my course of action. Maybe others would run but with my illness I could die any second, I am used to living with the prospect of death at any time but I must admit that the added stress is really getting to me. Maybe that's why my posts ramble on a bit. I apologise for that.

Once again, thank you to every one for your advice. Even the ones who say thump her. I have a feeling you may be right and it might have stopped it escalating but my experience shows that we would probably have just developed into a violant family where the fist solves everything.

Chris

[Mobi]

Chris, I think you said somewhere that you couldn't afford an expensive lawyer, but I really urge you to do just that.

I believe a top rate Thai lawyer from a good law firm would give you options and advice that no one else can give. You really need to know where you stand and what action you, as a farang, can take to safeguard yourself and your children. It's not just the law, but the application of the laws and practises that are critical. A good lawyer may even be able to act as a go between.

It may cost you a bit, but it will save you a lot in the long run.

Take care mate

Mobi

[ThaidleHands]

I could sell the bar and live somewhewre else but this bar makes money. Without it the expensive school the children go to could not be paid for. It also pays the rent for their house and another 20,000 baht a month to their mum for food. If I sold the bar and moved away where she could not find me I would not see the children and soon the capital would go and they would then have no home or school.

Your children have a much greater need of a stable home free from violence (and therapy to undo the damage already done), than they do for an expensive school or any element of the material "good life" you may want to provide for them. Get them as far away from as you can, as fast as you can, by any lawful means.

[GuestHouse]

My sympathies to the OP, I don't have any experience that I could offer but the first rate responses to this thread seem to give some great advice.

They also, for the most part, show TV members at their best.

An observation I do have is that if you filed a report with the UK police stating that your wife attacked you with a knife and injured your son, then that report will be on file and available if you file for divorce in a UK court.

[YangYaiEric]

You are not alone lor.

As my wife was lunging with a knife, or swinging the vacuum pipe or hurling coffee mugs at my head I would back away, defend myself with an arm or duck.

The strangest thing in all this is with a knife coming at me, or a pipe swinging over my head she saw fear on my face and that egged her on, she started screaming at me telling me I am not a man, I am not a real man because I was scared. I remember wondering what a real man would do??? Was she telling me to hit her back?

Of course there is no way I could hit her, but I could get close enough to keep the knife away from my body and get her in a hold of some sort until she calmed down.

I remember wondering what a real man would do??? Was she telling me to hit her back?

I would consider spanking her

I've been down this path. The reality is that if you have an out of control woman screaming insults at you and threatening you with violence, you are not going to stay calm and controlled.

Then you take into account that she is 5Ft. 2, , 45 Kilos, and you are 6 Ft plus, 90 kilos it would be very easy, in the heat of the moment, to inflict serious injury on her, even if was not intended.

I have had a woman punching me in the face and the only way I could restrain her was to hold her in bear hug from behind. She continued to struggle like crazy and it was very hard to keep hold of her. Eventually we were both exhausted and she stopped struggling. She asked me calmly to let her go. I said I would release her if she promised to stop the violence. She promised. I let her go, and she punched me smack in the eye. I grabbed her again and forcibly removed her from my room and locked the door. Later, when the drama had subsided, she showed me bruises all over her body where I had grabbed her and held her. That is the problem - she could have easily gone to the police and claimed I had physically abused her, when all I was doing was trying to protect myself.

I would never deliberately hit any woman, however bad she was, but others may be more inclined to. I would not particularly blame them if they did because everyone has a breaking point, and self preservation also comes into the equation.

It is a very difficult and dangerous problem.

Are you a Man or a Mouse?

[WaiWai]

Chris is in Jomtien. I do hope some members in that area will p.m. him. This must be tough and he needs some support.

I just re-read your first post to figure out your living arrangements. Your wife should not be able to get through the bar and into your room so easily. Chris, why not hire a "minder" ? Someone tough, but not stupid . Perhaps install a video camera, too.

I don't understand why nobody is taking your wife to the hospital.

Edited November 3, 2007 by WaiWai

[GuestHouse]

Isn't this point, which I pointed out, breaking at least two forum rules?

If abuse, phisical or emotional is the root cause of the problem and in many cases this has arrisen within the previous 'working environment' that the abusive woman comes from then I'm absolutely sure that it is not breaking any forum rules to discuss the impact of that experience. There are valuable lessons to be learned both for men marrying women from that background and a salutary reminder that that particular business is one in which the women working their do pay an emotional price for the work they do.

Jelousy and not trusting men seems to be a common thread in this discussing - hardly surprising given the view that particular background gives of men.

So yes very relevant and as someone says above 'let's not loose this because of some Political Correctness'.

[DamianMavis]

DamianMavis - You are probably right. What can I say. The total insanity has only started since I left her and moved into the bar. Before that she was irrational and violant etc but most of the time she was a loving wife, faithful, and a good mother. I told you about a few instances from our 9 year marriage. The rest of the time was mostly good. The bottom line is I loved her, I wanted to believe her excuses and her apologies. I fooled myself into believing the outbursts would never happen again. I was wrong and if anyone else in in the situation where they think it will get better learn from my mistakes. People do not change. A wife beater will always be a wife beater and a husband beater .....

Chris

Ya ok man, but do what you gotta do to get the children to safety.

You are not alone lor.

As my wife was lunging with a knife, or swinging the vacuum pipe or hurling coffee mugs at my head I would back away, defend myself with an arm or duck.

The strangest thing in all this is with a knife coming at me, or a pipe swinging over my head she saw fear on my face and that egged her on, she started screaming at me telling me I am not a man, I am not a real man because I was scared. I remember wondering what a real man would do??? Was she telling me to hit her back?

Of course there is no way I could hit her, but I could get close enough to keep the knife away from my body and get her in a hold of some sort until she calmed down.

I remember wondering what a real man would do??? Was she telling me to hit her back?

YES, followed up by rough sex, that is "what a real man would do"... doesn't everyone KNOW THIS?! She probably just wanted to get laid. I've dated lots of women that would anger me to get me to have sex with them. Just like the little female dog in heat that nips and persters the big boy dog until he turns aorund, pins her down and goes at it. I'm not saying break her jaw, just show her you are a man and dominate her. God western culture has really castrated us hasn't it?

Damian

[lor]

WaiWai - A quick respose. Everybody is scared of her!! All my staff are afraid to stand near me in case she stands outside and sees them. They think she will kill them. When she came in the bar no one will obstruct her.

There is a video camera in the bar but not in my room. Now my room is kept locked and I keep my mobile near ready to call the police.

No one take sher to hospital because she has no close friends. The only friend she has says the answer is by praying to Buddha and she went through a phase just after we seperated by dressing in white all the time and praying, she still carried on beating me then went straight back to praying!

I do not know how to contact her family. None of them speak English but they are well aware of her violence. All her sisters have been present at times when she beat me. Her Brother in Law was there once when she tried to stab me but no one seems to think of taking her to hospital. In any case even if they asked her to go she would refuse as she has no insight at all. She feels there is nothing wrong with her and it is all other people against her.

I am contacting the police in England about getting a copy of the report and also the hospital where I was admitted after another beating from her. I wish she would go to hospital. I still feel so sorry for her, she is in so much pain, I wish I could help her. But that time is now past, I must only think of myself and my children.

DamianMavis - "YES, followed up by rough sex, that is "what a real man would do"... doesn't everyone KNOW THIS?!" I am sorry but you and I live in different worlds. I can not even relate to what you say.

Chris

Edited November 3, 2007 by lor

[Mobi]

They also, for the most part, show TV members at their best.

YangYaiEric Are you a Man or a Mouse?

Yes... for the most part......

[YangYaiEric]

WaiWai - A quick respose. Everybody is scared of her!! All my staff are afraid to stand near me in case she stands outside and sees them. They think she will kill them. When she came in the bar no one will obstruct her.

There is a video camera in the bar but not in my room. Now my room is kept locked and I keep my mobile near ready to call the police.

No one take sher to hospital because she has no close friends. The only friend she has says the answer is by praying to Buddha and she went through a phase just after we seperated by dressing in white all the time and praying, she still carried on beating me then went straight back to praying!

I do not know how to contact her family. None of them speak English but they are well aware of her violence. All her sisters have been present at times when she beat me. Her Brother in Law was there once when she tried to stab me but no one seems to think of taking her to hospital. In any case even if they asked her to go she would refuse as she has no insight at all. She feels there is nothing wrong with her and it is all other people against her.

I am contacting the police in England about getting a copy of the report and also the hospital where I was admitted after another beating from her. I wish she would go to hospital. I still feel so sorry for her, she is in so much pain, I wish I could help her. But that time is now past, I must only think of myself and my children.

DamianMavis - "YES, followed up by rough sex, that is "what a real man would do"... doesn't everyone KNOW THIS?!" I am sorry but you and I live in different worlds. I can not even relate to what you say.

Chris

For GOODNESS SAKES man, what is wrong with you? Are you such a whimp to let a girl rough you up, and leave you behaving like a blithering idiot?? Get a hold of your senses and get the H#LL OUT of this disasterous relationship PRONTO!! Cut you loses and live a normal life !

[coldcrush]

ViolAnt, she really messed up your speech, do you have a fat lip thats giving you a lisp. Sorry but run for the hills, cancel all priviledges.

Heres is where to start, quite a popular choice these days:

Jerry Springer

In all good faith though, get away and sort the problems out with some counselling.

Edited November 3, 2007 by coldcrush

[Samuian]

Are you a Man or a Mouse?

Are you Arnie or just macho?

It sounds to me this lady has, as many others, specially from the "Industry", a massive mental disorder.

Hurt feelings, vanished dreams, bubbles that burst over time, been raped by a family member in her earlier years (very common)...

many factors, I myself, after many years of marriage nad divorce, found myself in such a situation trying to build a new relationship.

Very, very difficult!

Especially if one does live here, no way to run away, no escape!

I found myself being stalked, blackmailed including all kinds of physical violence - but it is her who suffers!

It only happens if alcohol combined with "Energy Drinks" has been consumed massively..

Outburst of tears, being (genuinely) sorry for what happened, suicide attempts, violence against herself....

The verbal and mental ability to turn every event, every happening is being conducted, or caused by me or someone else - it's never her!

Very, very difficult especially Thai society seems just to look on, neighbors, friends (except westerners) never ever get involved, but stay back and at best smile...

Lucky we do not have any children!

I stay back as much as I can - but it is as it all comes down that she is the one at the controls and thats it...

has NOTHING to do with not being "a Man", or a wimp, it's about being humane, not insane!

He/she who can deal with such a situation and calm things down, avoid any form of further escalation, is imho a genuine HERO!

It always takes 2 to tango!

Sometimes I have the intense feeling that SHE is the victim and need help.... support, someone to talk about events which took place in her life..

I can "see" a strange Cocktail of a messed up childhood, her Mum "abandoned" her at an early time for another man, her grandma has taken her Mums place...way to early in the Industry and tries to "hide" the fact, more than half of her life .... only money can make her temporaryly happy - cause this was always the "reward"....

heavy...stuff!

And what has taken over a long period of time, can't be resolved or wiped away within a matter of Days or months - this takes a long time, trust, love and devotion....but let it "run" as is - will certainly end in a disaster - one way or the other!

Many in this thread do say: "You are in Danger!" but what about her? She is in great Danger too!

Because this kind of behavior, this mental disorder has a reason, a deep rooted cause - this is to be found and carefully removed...

If you don't feel to have the energy, willpower to go through, get professional help!

[TEFLMike]

I tend to agree, you always see the man grabbing the woman and pulling her back in those soap operas. Force is shown as a sign of true love.

If your being hit and not hitting back the person will continue and repeat it. It's interesting to hear so many men say they have been hit and done nothing to retaliate. In each case the abuse continued and probably got worse.

I'm sure there are a lot of men who have hit back, it would be interesting to hear from them.

What about all the men who said they didn't hit back but did.

without retaliation.

I refuse to believe there are so many pussies out there who submit to this abuse

Hmmm. If I had retaliated, I would have been thrown out of the house by the police and authorities, without a leg to stand on. It was going through County Court. I had to keep a low profile as my solicitor insisted upon.

[YangYaiEric]

Are you a Man or a Mouse?

Are you Arnie or just macho?

It sounds to me this lady has, as many others, specially from the "Industry", a massive mental disorder.

Hurt feelings, vanished dreams, bubbles that burst over time, been raped by a family member in her earlier years (very common)...

many factors, I myself, after many years of marriage nad divorce, found myself in such a situation trying to build a new relationship.

Very, very difficult!

Especially if one does live here, no way to run away, no escape!

I found myself being stalked, blackmailed including all kinds of physical violence - but it is her who suffers!

It only happens if alcohol combined with "Energy Drinks" has been consumed massively..

Outburst of tears, being (genuinely) sorry for what happened, suicide attempts, violence against herself....

The verbal and mental ability to turn every event, every happening is being conducted, or caused by me or someone else - it's never her!

Very, very difficult especially Thai society seems just to look on, neighbors, friends (except westerners) never ever get involved, but stay back and at best smile...

Lucky we do not have any children!

I stay back as much as I can - but it is as it all comes down that she is the one at the controls and thats it...

has NOTHING to do with not being "a Man", or a wimp, it's about being humane, not insane!

He/she who can deal with such a situation and calm things down, avoid any form of further escalation, is imho a genuine HERO!

It always takes 2 to tango!

Sometimes I have the intense feeling that SHE is the victim and need help.... support, someone to talk about events which took place in her life..

I can "see" a strange Cocktail of a messed up childhood, her Mum "abandoned" her at an early time for another man, her grandma has taken her Mums place...way to early in the Industry and tries to "hide" the fact, more than half of her life .... only money can make her temporaryly happy - cause this was always the "reward"....

heavy...stuff!

And what has taken over a long period of time, can't be resolved or wiped away within a matter of Days or months - this takes a long time, trust, love and devotion....but let it "run" as is - will certainly end in a disaster - one way or the other!

Many in this thread do say: "You are in Danger!" but what about her? She is in great Danger too!

Because this kind of behavior, this mental disorder has a reason, a deep rooted cause - this is to be found and carefully removed...

If you don't feel to have the energy, willpower to go through, get professional help!

Samuian, what I meant by my 'Man or Mouse' comment in NO WAY inferred that the chap should use physical violence on the lady in question. Being a 'man' in this situation entails making a positive decision about his current circumstances, rather than meekly surendering to physical abuse by his estranged wife. My advice to the OP is to cut his loses and GET THE H$LL OUT ASAP!

[rixalex]

YES, followed up by rough sex, that is "what a real man would do"... doesn't everyone KNOW THIS?! She probably just wanted to get laid. I've dated lots of women that would anger me to get me to have sex with them. Just like the little female dog in heat that nips and persters the big boy dog until he turns aorund, pins her down and goes at it. I'm not saying break her jaw, just show her you are a man and dominate her. God western culture has really castrated us hasn't it?

Damian

I too have experienced this type of woman and while i'll admit to having enjoyed the fruits of this unbalanced type of behaviour, in the back of my mind i was also thinking "this just isn't right or healthy'. Whilst still in the throws of passion i was also already making plans for a swifty and permanent exit and to get as far away from the train wreck as possible. So Damian, whilst on a one off basis this might resolve the situation, accepting this behaviour long term is not something i'd recommend.

And to the OP... echoing many others thoughts - although you have laid your own bed the fact is that this woman is just evil and life is too short to waste your time trying to help her - you've already done far too much wasting. Truly put behind you any feelings of sympathy for her and start trying to piece back your own life. Best of luck and i sincerely hope things get better for you and your kids.

[WaiWai]

WaiWai - A quick respose. Everybody is scared of her!! All my staff are afraid to stand near me in case she stands outside and sees them. They think she will kill them. When she came in the bar no one will obstruct her.

There is a video camera in the bar but not in my room. Now my room is kept locked and I keep my mobile near ready to call the police.

I see.

Someone mentioned earlier that you *could* have her committed to a hospital, though, so long as you were able to get her there. This sounds to me like the best solution for all concerned.

That's why I hope some of the people in Jomtien will contact you. Surely 3-4 guys could manage this ?

[DamianMavis]

Chris (Lor), that is obvious considering you allow a woman to beat you regularly, you and I are in 2 totally different universes, I have extremely strong boundaries and nobody goes past them. But just to be clear... I would'nt hit back at a woman that hit me, I would simply cut her out of my life INSTANTLY. Like I said, different universes. You need to find some strength man.

SAMUIAN, You care way too much more about the criminal than the victim. Whoa I don't even know what else to say, it's just too crazy.

Damian

[sutnyod]

I mostly agree with you, but ctually you quoted me out of context because you cut off my quote.

Okay. Point (and no offence ) taken. However, I also had problems with that 'showing of remorse'-part. Violent people DO show and DO (probably) feel remorse shortly after an 'episode'. How is the OP to know whether the remorse is really deep or just shock? I take it you meant 'remorse' more in a long term, as in: I am ready to face my problems; or as in 'remorse when in a state of reason'.

[stateman]

I don't want to stereotype all [/color]

Wasabi, what is the meaning of "jai yen"?

scroll down briefly and don't see a response to this point yet, so i will. otherwise plse skip this post.

"jai yen" is cool temper. also if u use on someone puffing, it means to cool it.

"jai rawn" is hot temper.

jai means heart, which in thai culture treats the temper as coming from one's heart which can control one's temper (like mind over matter ).

yen is cool.

rawn is hot.

[stateman]

YES, followed up by rough sex, that is "what a real man would do"... doesn't everyone KNOW THIS?! She probably just wanted to get laid. I've dated lots of women that would anger me to get me to have sex with them. Just like the little female dog in heat that nips and persters the big boy dog until he turns aorund, pins her down and goes at it. I'm not saying break her jaw, just show her you are a man and dominate her. God western culture has really castrated us hasn't it?

Damian

This may sound odd at first, but if the wife was indeed sexually abused when she was young by the pimp (on top of her being schiz.), then it might make sense that that was the way she was brought back to submission. It seems to be worth a try!

On the other hand, I do feel that this may be how the manhood gets chopped off afterward in some cases we read in the newspaper! Whew, scarry, as you are talking about doing it with someone who is not stable! Who can guarantees you safety when you doze off afterward.

I take it that the pimp in the past likely walked away so he wouldn't expose himself for retaliation when he was prone!

[stateman]

It sounds to me this lady has, as many others, specially from the "Industry", a massive mental disorder.

Hurt feelings, vanished dreams, bubbles that burst over time, been raped by a family member in her earlier years (very common)...

many factors, I myself, after many years of marriage nad divorce, found myself in such a situation trying to build a new relationship.

Very, very difficult!

Especially if one does live here, no way to run away, no escape!

I found myself being stalked, blackmailed including all kinds of physical violence - but it is her who suffers!

It only happens if alcohol combined with "Energy Drinks" has been consumed massively..

Outburst of tears, being (genuinely) sorry for what happened, suicide attempts, violence against herself....

The verbal and mental ability to turn every event, every happening is being conducted, or caused by me or someone else - it's never her!

Very, very difficult especially Thai society seems just to look on, neighbors, friends (except westerners) never ever get involved, but stay back and at best smile...

Lucky we do not have any children!

I stay back as much as I can - but it is as it all comes down that she is the one at the controls and thats it...

has NOTHING to do with not being "a Man", or a wimp, it's about being humane, not insane!

He/she who can deal with such a situation and calm things down, avoid any form of further escalation, is imho a genuine HERO!

It always takes 2 to tango!

Sometimes I have the intense feeling that SHE is the victim and need help.... support, someone to talk about events which took place in her life..

I can "see" a strange Cocktail of a messed up childhood, her Mum "abandoned" her at an early time for another man, her grandma has taken her Mums place...way to early in the Industry and tries to "hide" the fact, more than half of her life .... only money can make her temporaryly happy - cause this was always the "reward"....

heavy...stuff!

And what has taken over a long period of time, can't be resolved or wiped away within a matter of Days or months - this takes a long time, trust, love and devotion....but let it "run" as is - will certainly end in a disaster - one way or the other!

Many in this thread do say: "You are in Danger!" but what about her? She is in great Danger too!

Because this kind of behavior, this mental disorder has a reason, a deep rooted cause - this is to be found and carefully removed...

If you don't feel to have the energy, willpower to go through, get professional help!

"get professional help!" says it all - both from the mental medical side and legal side!

This is not for a spouse to deal with himself. It is bound to flare up again, and potentially any time could end up to be 'the last time'.

I differ from the OP who thinks about getting the wife to UK. I believe the help for her is here in LOS. The psychiatrist and psychologist trained in Thailand are most suitable to deal with her in her own language and culture. They are trained using the text books from the West and have much experience dealing with such illness among the Thais. Again, many obtained their advanced education from the US and such. I rather see that she would suffer greatly if committed to a mental hospital in the UK - it is like being marooned in another land and treated by someone from another culture, using another language. Don't make sense!

I wish someone living around Pattaya or Cholburi would lend a hand to check out a hospital or college in that area and get some contact in the mental field for the OP. Someone who can be a psychological support person/group in person in the area for the OP will be of much help also. Male might work fine, lest the wife would suspect such a session as him seeing a mistress!

Also I bet that the wife won't voluntarily get mental help. I imagine a pre-contact by the OP and forcibly commit her. Legal advice is needed here so it won't be a case of kidnapping and causing a loss of personal freedom filed against the OP. The new constitution just passed has a broad latitude in protecting personal rights. This is where a lawyer comes in. This is also where building up a string of evidence by the OP can help protecting himself against a potential long jail term unjustifiably.

--

WaiWai - A quick respose. Everybody is scared of her!! All my staff are afraid to stand near me in case she stands outside and sees them. They think she will kill them. When she came in the bar no one will obstruct her.

There is a video camera in the bar but not in my room. Now my room is kept locked and I keep my mobile near ready to call the police.

I see.

Someone mentioned earlier that you *could* have her committed to a hospital, though, so long as you were able to get her there. This sounds to me like the best solution for all concerned.

That's why I hope some of the people in Jomtien will contact you. Surely 3-4 guys could manage this ?

"Surely 3-4 guys could manage this ?"

Hold you horse, dude! This could lead to all involved getting charged with kidnapping and causing loss of freedom. Go to jail in this case doesn't seem to be a good plan to me! Seek legal advise and proceed with care!

"How is the OP to know whether the remorse is really deep or just shock? I take it you meant 'remorse' more in a long term, as in: I am ready to face my problems; or as in 'remorse when in a state of reason'."

I bet the remorse by the wife is short-lived and happens in-between 'episodes'. Not a long term solution. After a lengthy treatment, maybe some real remorse!

Edited November 3, 2007 by stateman

[tropo]

I don't want to stereotype all [/color]

Wasabi, what is the meaning of "jai yen"?

scroll down briefly and don't see a response to this point yet, so i will. otherwise plse skip this post.

"jai yen" is cool temper. also if u use on someone puffing, it means to cool it.

"jai rawn" is hot temper.

jai means heart, which in thai culture treats the temper as coming from one's heart which can control one's temper (like mind over matter ).

yen is cool.

rawn is hot.

Thanks for the explanation