Chiang Rai Member Search Doesn't Turn Up Much.

[klikster]

@Kitsch22 - Damned fine post. And a superb description of what TV is and what it ain't.

@K. Limbo - You seem to have the ability to see clearly past the smoke and mirrors.

[villagefarang]

I must be bored to be answering this but here goes again.

What TV is for the owner and what it is for the user, is quite different. So only looking at it from George's point of view is not relevant to the discussion at hand.

Some use TV as a showcase, to display their ability to be obnoxious and boorish. Others use it to display their ignorance by asking for information that could lead to ridicule. Others rant or pontificate. Some simply make no sense at all.

Except for the hard drinking community that centers around the bars or the nightlife, there seem to be few options, for new or not so new comers, to find others of interest. Granted TV is not known for providing that function but it doesn't mean that it can't.

People here are not particularly helpful or understanding either, but as a recent topic pointed out, we can be considerate and helpful to each other without breaking out in hives. Avoiding others in public is not a sign of strength and self-sufficiency but of insecurity bordering on rudeness.

For those who are able to misconstrue even the simplest things, a few clarifications that should be self-evident. I do not like parties or group games. I do not sing, take coach trips or organize either activity. I do not join clubs or societies. I am the only farang who lives full-time in this village but try to be nice to those who visit.

I have been assured by one acquaintance, who seems to know a lot more people than I do in the Rai, that I am very wrong in my assumption that there are any interesting people lurking in the shadows. So like the fisherman who is assured that there are no fish in the stream, I will continue to enjoy fishing regardless of the outcome.

Just because things are not now, does not mean they cannot be. Change is the essence of life.

[Limbo]

I have been assured by one acquaintance, who seems to know a lot more people than I do in the Rai, that I am very wrong in my assumption that there are any interesting people lurking in the shadows.

Isn't this the theme of a book or a film? Somewhere your words ring a bell...

"Alone on/in the world" or something similar?

My view on the expats of Chiang Rai is seemingly very different.

I share a lot of interests with a lot of my local fellow bignoses and I learned

to love them during the years that went.

Many of them I consider to be friends and I respect almost all of them.

After living in a very narrow community in the capital of the Netherlands

they opened a new world for me.

I met people from all walks of life, with fascinating careers behind them.

I learned about life, thanks to their stories, thanks to them being the persons they are.

Thanks also because they accepted me the way I am.

I don't know if you have any particular interests, but if you have you

would probably enjoy the company of people you share these interests with,

at least if you would think along the lines considered as given.

Think for instance that you would like to ride around on an old Vespa.

Wouldn't it be nice to enjoy the company of people with the same passion

(and knowledge about the technical aspects)?

In stead of only "I need this and this, how much is it?" to have a ride with

the lads and join their parties once in a while?

No, as you indicated, you wouldn't.

Think for instance that you would like fishing.

Wouldn't it be great to hear tips from Imagedude, the absolute champion

sportfisherman of Kieng Doi during one of the fishing sessions with friends?

No, as you indicated, you wouldn't.

I hardly dare to mention it, but think for instance that you would like football.

In stead of joining Dave and his legion (no, as you indicated, you wouldn't) you would be

standing alone with your ball on a field.

OK, you can decide everything by yourself, the colour of your home kits, your away kits,

the brand of your shoes even the size of your ball. Enjoy, but better take your ball to

a back garden with a wall. Kick the ball against the wall and imagine to be Beckham.

(for your information: Beckham is a very famous football player)

Think (may God forbid it!) that you would be interested in art, culture and literature!

It would force you to meet other people, if not physically then in the art works, that mostly

aren't made by angels either. What a dilemma: burning books and other works of art in

an attempt to find inner peace by imagening being the first and only by denying history and beauty.

It has be done before.

I understand that it isn't easy for you to find likeminded people.

I wrote before in this thread about expats seeing themselves as different, yes even better than other 'farangs'.

That doesn't make life easier.

It is also very difficult for fellow expats to react on your postings as these mainly suggest that nobody is worthy

to do so because of reasons you don't want people to know.

A person who posts here that nobody meets his level and presents himself as the lonely fisherman fishing

in an empty river, asks for compassion and empathy.

Tell a little bit more about yourself, it might help.

Life is worth living! People are only bad by nature if you believe in the inherited sin.

As new year is coming up, the light is already anticipating on it a couple of days, the days are getting longer,

new life is germinating: be part of it, be part of the change you mention and, sorry to say so, really seem to need.

So I recommend you the coming days to concentrate on the question:

"Did Adam bite in the apple that was presented to him by Eva or didn't he?".

And after this, come back to the world and be happy to respect your fellow humans even if they are not the same

as you are! Wouldn't the world be extremely boring if we all would be the same (no, you didn't read it, I didn't write 'like you').

Limbo

[villagefarang]

It simply isn't honest or realistic to say that we like everyone equally. Yes I prefer individuals to organizations or any of the group activities suggested. I prefer conversations with those who are sober over those who are not.

I certainly don't begrudge anyone their fondness of groups or being a regular at a bar. I spent 20 years in Bangkok, going out every night, but I have put that kind of life behind me.

I understand how single people live and also group dynamics. I also understand the sensitivities of those with vises and their suspicion of those who are vice free. That is why I prefer now to spend my time with those who are more settled in their lives. Such people seem to be relatively hard to find here in the Rai.

I was told quite bluntly during one conversation that my optimism was misguided. He claimed to know pretty much everyone in town and that I was wasting my time. That reference seems to have offended but was not my intention. As I continue to come across interesting people from time to time, I decided not to take his advice to give up. They are out there but not necessarily gathering in groups.

I am not a lonely or unhappy person and do not need people around on a regular basis. I am gracious to everyone but I am not so needy as to be willing to spend a great deal of time with people I neither like nor share common interests with.

If there are those who find it disrespectful of the human race, that I do not like everyone equally, then I apologize for my honesty. I will not lie or deceive, however, to please others but I will be pleasant and charming to all I meet, as it is small to be rude and dismissive.

I ask nothing for myself and have not made personal attacks or references to any individuals but my motivations for this thread seem to be misunderstood. Perhaps everyone is happy with the status quo and I should stop stirring the pot.

Edited December 29, 2009 by villagefarang

[Limbo]

I prefer ... I prefer ...

I certainly don't ... I spent ..., but I .......

I understand ... I also understand ..... I prefer ...

I was ... I was ... I continue ... I decided ....

I am ... I am ... I neither like ...

I do not ... I apologize .... I will not ... but I will ... I meet...

I ask ... and I should stop stirring the pot.

Happy new year!

Limbo

[villagefarang]

Tell a little bit more about yourself, it might help.

Limbo

I was asked so I told. Sorry

[sceadugenga]

Solitariness is not a natural human trait. We may think we prefer our own company but some who choose to live in the villages get an occasional feeling of unease when deprived of people of their own culture for too long.

After only four days back in my country of origin the most common question I've been asked is "what do you actually DO there though?"

It's with considerable pride I answer "nothing".

Personally I get all the contact with others I need through books and computers but I don't try to delude myself that I'm "normal" and that the more gregarious among us are not.

In the next few weeks my social calender is bursting at the seams, friends and family want to to put me on show and hear all about the elephants and the quaint folk who wear coins on their hats. ("Do the women really consider it good luck to have sex with a stranger at New Year?")

By the end of next month I'll be back in my village and you'll hear the sigh of relief all over Thailand.

[chang35baht]

Tell a little bit more about yourself, it might help.

Limbo

I was asked so I told. Sorry

Can you really say you said anything about yourself in your post previous to this. You've almost turned this topic into one of your blogs. A topic that you've said on a few occassions that I don' t know why I am answering, persisting 'but'.

You probably wouldn't find me interestting because you would't get the chance. I live in a Thai village, I work on my rubber farm, I play golf, I go fishing(all Thai styles off), I drink with my friends 2-3 times a week. And I must confess on bended knee that it may be in a bar. Sometimes in a restaraunt too, where we meet to shoot the shit and put the world to rights. We even allow our wives to follw us and interject if the politics (Thai and Western) get to serious. Yes people who drink have independent minds also and are capable of intelligent thought.

And yet I feel my life is settled even though I manage to indulge in all of the practices you steer away from.

You've let this topic drag on far to far and yes it's your fault for not listening to anything that has been posted.

Maybe that tells us more about you than your willing to let us know.

Frankly I'm bored with this topic and wish you would stop replying and that would end it.

You've asked for what you want but more or less told us that you probably won't like what you may get.

You don't go to places where the average person congregates because in you own mind now, if not previously, you are above average. There are always plenty of funerals in the village. Keep looking for interesting people there.( Be careful, they drink there also). This is no dating agency.

Believe me when I say this will be my one and only post on this thread, and quite frankly I do not care about peoples thoughts on my post.

Enjoy Yourself if you can VF,

Happy new year.

C35B

P.S. I'm just of to play tennis now with interesting people.

Edited December 30, 2009 by chang35baht

[villagefarang]

One is thankful for small favors.

Happy New Year to all.

[villagefarang]

Solitariness is not a natural human trait. We may think we prefer our own company but some who choose to live in the villages get an occasional feeling of unease when deprived of people of their own culture for too long.

After only four days back in my country of origin the most common question I've been asked is "what do you actually DO there though?"

It's with considerable pride I answer "nothing".

Personally I get all the contact with others I need through books and computers but I don't try to delude myself that I'm "normal" and that the more gregarious among us are not.

In the next few weeks my social calender is bursting at the seams, friends and family want to to put me on show and hear all about the elephants and the quaint folk who wear coins on their hats. ("Do the women really consider it good luck to have sex with a stranger at New Year?")

By the end of next month I'll be back in my village and you'll hear the sigh of relief all over Thailand.

Normality is highly over rated. Anyone can be normal. Hold on to your individuality and uniqueness Scea.

Enjoy your celebrity status, have a laugh and soon enough that sigh of relief will come.

[klikster]

I drink with my friends 2-3 times a week.

And even the occasional stranger.

One of the best conversations I ever had in Chiang Rai. Happy new year, C35B.

[kandahar]

If a member doesn't put his location in his profile it won't show up in a location search. It's up to the members to place the information there.

I understand that. I was just wondering why people don't and thought it might be nice to see who is in the Rai.

Hey VF. Good morning.

I see that early on is this thread, you got some pretty honest answers to your initial inquiry. The ol' forum can bring out some good folks, can't it?

I've thought about this a bit and here is my take on it. I don't put my info into any of these profile pages on the Internet because I'm just kind of a private guy. I usually don't want to share much about myself unless I know who I'm sharing it with. Truly, as the Internet gets bigger and is exploited by bad people more, I feel less inclined to put much out there. Even typing in this forum is against my better judgement. But I do like to contribute to good things so I make some exceptions, hoping the good outweighs the bad. That's just me. I'm sure other folks have different reasons.

As I think it about the why's and why nots, I also realize that I don't have time to be meeting with folks that might see that they share one interest or another with me and want to form a friendship. I'm busier than a cat with diarrhoea. I don't have much time for socializing. Maybe one day, things will slow down and I'll have more time for it.

It seems to me that some people really want the rest of us to know what their interests are. Those folks tend to put quite a bit in the profile pages and I get the feeling that they are pretty proud of the things they put out there for us to learn about them. I don't pay much attention to those things. I much prefer to just get to know someone well and then decide for myself. The picture I form in my mind from reading about someone is often not at all what the real person turns out to be. That's just another reason to steer away from listing the things that I think define me. You never know who is going to see it or if they will interpret what I wrote in the way I meant it to be taken.

I have asked local friends here if they are on TV or read it and I have yet to find anyone that says they have signed up and not one that admits that they do read it often. Most have replied with negative comments about the forum, ussally telling me they don't look at it after they have discovered the types of comments and replies that get posted to an innocent question or request for help or advice. They just get so disgusted with the direction that it takes that they can't bear to read it. Kind of like watching a hanging, you know? Can't watch it because you know the outcome is gruesome. Those people haven't even signed up. They initially read some of the posts and then forgot about TV.

In answer to another of your questions, I am out here. I'm in CR. Lots of others are also. Good people, for the most part. The ones I know and am friends with here are really great. This forum would be a better place if they contributed to making it better instead of avoiding it. But I understand their position on this subject.

That said, I have to say that the CR forum isn't nearly as negative or hateful as some of the others. Seems to me we have a pretty good collection of contributors here. When I asked for help previously, several good people got involved and the outcome was positive.

[villagefarang]

Kandahar,

Good post. Can't find a thing I disagree with. I have had very similar responses to questions about TV. Most question my sanity for posting here. Others have never heard of it. They seem to accept me regardless.

Hope your civil and well thought out post won't get you in too much trouble with the old guard. I too lament that good people get put off by the insensitive replies. Anonymity can bring out the worst in people. Similar to the dog safely behind his fence, lashing out at everyone that passes. Harmless but annoying.

Good luck with your projects and when things slow down, which they inevitably do, drop me a line.

Looks like we are off to see the flowers this morning before it get too warm or too crowded.

[jubby]

" Anonymity can bring out the worst in people. Similar to the dog safely behind his fence, lashing out at everyone that passes. Harmless but annoying. "

I don't really see the Insensitive replies so much, Maybe 'Insensitive replies' are something we Brits are good at. Along with some of our Northern friends. Maybe its a "Northern" thing. I just see it as "straight Talking" . Believe me ; We're just as likely to be insensitive in person

Its a shame people don't join the Forum because they are too sensitive. Its a great source of information and great for days when I need to talk to myself in English or atleast a sort of English

[Limbo]

You don't go to places where the average person congregates because in you own mind now, if not previously, you are above average. There are always plenty of funerals in the village. Keep looking for interesting people there.( Be careful, they drink there also). This is no dating agency.

Believe me when I say this will be my one and only post on this thread, and quite frankly I do not care about peoples thoughts on my post.

Enjoy Yourself if you can VF,

Happy new year.

C35B

P.S. I'm just of to play tennis now with interesting people.

This will be my last post also in this thread.

I have the greatest understanding for people who get in trouble here, often it will be a financial problem, but

we see also people posting here, who clearly see it as a way to solve or at least ventilate psycho-social problems.

They, especially when they are living at an isolated spot, look for friends, enemies, sparring partners, whatever.

Thaivisa becomes for them a replacement for the real world, where they, anonymously, can be themselves in line

with their own self concepts.

I don't say that VF belongs to this category, but i think we all can see somebody asking for attention by saying that he

doesn't want attention as he is a kind of person who is a 'classe apart' compared to the rest of us and therefore has no

interest at all to meet any of us.

Strange, isn't it? There is a very strong contradiction in it, that clearly escapes the attention of the person concerned.

It could happen to all of us, so we should show tolerance.

There will allways be persons who try to use this forum as a kind of therapy and this is not a good thing, as they should

look for more professional help.

I think that everybody who wants to feed this thread further, must realize that it could do harm as it might prevent

a fellow expat from finding the right direction.

So please try to restrict yourself and contribute to the weather thread or the "where can I buy fireworks" thread.

Limbo

Edited December 30, 2009 by Limbo

[villagefarang]

" Anonymity can bring out the worst in people. Similar to the dog safely behind his fence, lashing out at everyone that passes. Harmless but annoying. "

I don't really see the Insensitive replies so much, Maybe 'Insensitive replies' are something we Brits are good at. Along with some of our Northern friends. Maybe its a "Northern" thing. I just see it as "straight Talking" . Believe me ; We're just as likely to be insensitive in person

Its a shame people don't join the Forum because they are too sensitive. Its a great source of information and great for days when I need to talk to myself in English or atleast a sort of English

Jubby, you have tried to explain the whole British humor thing to me before. Guess some things just don't transfer across different cultures.

There are always things that fall into that basket of we agree to disagree, and this seems to be one of them. Since this communication style seems so prevalent in certain circles of the Rai, you are obviously better off being less uncomfortable with it. Perhaps even makes you feel at home.

It simply isn't something one cares to learn how to deal with. My annoyance seems to push buttons with those who are annoyed with my being annoyed. Sad that they get so flustered with those who are different, but such is life.

(Minimal use of "I", in an effort not to annoy.)

[jubby]

Hmmm. Thanks . I think.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall get themselves in the sh*t !

I've met quite a few , probably slightly more than you , of the expats in Chiang Rai. Although breifly as I don't get into town much. One thing I can say is they/We are all strongly individual . More so than your normal if I can use that word without offence, average non-expat back home ; wherever home is. Extra ordinary maybe. Thats the way I like it. Live and let live is my Motto . My Visits being brief , So I don't tend to rub anyone up the wrong way, or so I hope and Visa-versa.

Now what am I trying to say here. I've forgotten already. memory like a Fish .

Some of us like a few Drinks, Some of us like to play Golf. Some of us Ride Mountain Bikes & Phantoms & some of us have Mia noi's Disgusting really. The Golf that is

Can't we all just get along. Lifes too short etc. etc.

This will be my last post on this topic also

Edited December 30, 2009 by jubby

[sceadugenga]

I used to play Bridge in another life. Any bridge players out there? We could get up an afternoon club.