What Do I Do

[Insight]

Forget the knife incident - this is very much a Thai thing .It is mainly for show.

I don't think it's a Thai thing. I think it's more along the lines of an Insecure Psychopath thing. I can't put myself in Mac's shoes as I don't have kids, but if somebody drew a knife on me for any reason, I'd be drawing a line through any relationship we had.

I hope you work something out with your daughter Macb. With all due respect, I'd leave the wife out the final equation as much as feasibly possible.

All the best...

[MrSquigle]

I did not read the bit about shaking the child and hurting its head and the knife etc.

Basically with this and all the other stuff I did read....you are a fool if you stay and leave your daughter with her any longer. Go to the police as suggested, get the report etc for future use, get your wifes witnessed authority giving you the child and be gone.

Nice guy or not, time to harden up a little bit.

[Talisman]

Hi Mac: A few more thoughts for what they are worth!

You!

You are clearly one of the good guys: we can all see that! On the jai dee spectrum you are very probably off the scale! The trouble is that your good nature, and generosity have quite clearly been taken advantage of by your adopted family! You know that more than anyone!

That doesn't mean you're an idiot, just a bit naïve: you gave a lot, and they took the lot! It just seems bad luck, that the recipients were not as generous in repaying your good nature, with even a little bit of respect and TLC, which costs absolutely nothing!

So does that tell you anything, I look after 13 members in the family nearby and pay electric for three houses sometimes four why because I have a good heart: What do I get back nothing.

It tells us everything: Mac you are in deeper shit than you probably realise! In a past life you were on the job for thirty years: if you were made aware of such an incident in the UK, where an older immigrant having a poor grasp of the language and culture, was looking after:

13 members in the family nearby and paying electric for three houses sometimes four why because I have a good heart! What would you have done?

The words vulnerable and victim come immediately to mind!

Mac: I do not want to over dramatise: but the very fact that your police pension is only payable monthly, is possibly very good for your well being! And please tell us that neither she, nor the family are beneficiaries of any life insurance policy???

The relationship!

Mack: forget about love! When a woman categorically states, after thinking it through carefully: IT'S OVER: she's not negotiating, just stating a fact!

The Worldly Goods!

Property in the third world: you heard this before, and it's to late to worry about it now: NEVER HAVE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE, THAT YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO WALK AWAY FROM, IN THIRTY SECONDS FLAT, IF YOU FEEL THE HEAT IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!

ANYTHING meaning any material thing: not loved ones! Good luck with the lawyers, or amicable agreements, but I honestly think that the most likely value of the property is going to come down to BARGAINING POWER! Which leads us to the most important thing: your daughter: Back in a minute, but I really wouldn't snatch the kid.

Edited November 28, 2007 by Talisman

[mailman]

Well Mac, you have gotten many responses from concerned board members. Many have never met you or Bee,

but all have good intentions and want to see you move forward on this.

What did Isaan Lawyers say? It may be worth a 2 hour ride to Korat to see them? Unless you know what can be done in your situation, your blowing in the wind! Knowledge is power. It sounds like you and Bee are finished, you will not live in Huarat after this is settled, all else is up in the air. I'm not sure if you are still in shock at what has happened, have accepted it and want to move on or are somewhere in the middle probably.

Hope you sort it out soon. It sounds like you have some good friends in Ron and MGC and they know the situation, so hope you are taking their thoughts seriously.

I have no doubt that once this is settled, you will be able to start again, although you may be a little more cautious.

[LoveDaBlues]

When your wife had the baby and said she loved the baby but not you......wasn't that a bit of a clue?

It's pretty obvious they no longer need your money.....now they no longer need you. Sometimes the truth hurts. After they sell the gold etc. and run out of money she'll just find another farang....there's plenty around.

Best of luck out of this situation. This could happen to any of us so don't feel bad. However I think you allowed it to go on much too long......just my opinion.

[mpdkorat]

Why oh why put acquisitions into an other person's name? another lesson learned the hard way. It's the last time he's gonna do that.

Noobs make sure to read this thread.

If he lived in Bangkok, Phuket, or, Pattaya I would agree.

But, what would be the point in having the house in your own name if it is in the wife's village? How could you sell it? Who would buy it? Would you still want to live there after the divorce?

Personally, I would never live in the wife's village for this very reason.

I agree 100% it would be very difficult for him to continue living in the house in the wifes village. The marriage is over in my opinion, it sounds like there never really was one. Careful Mac you do not make the same mistakes again. Many of us do. I have PM'ed you. I wish you and your daughter all the best mate.

[Neeranam]

I just want to give some advice to anyone thinking of marrying a Thai girl, especially from Isaan - NEVER do until you've been in Thailand for at least three years. The sad story of Macs, I see happening at least 5 times a year in Khon Kaen, usualy through Thai Love Links. Sometimes it takes a year or two for them to make "the kill". NEVER come to Thailand and marry a woman you met on the internet, unless you can afford to lose a lot.

[Talisman]

The Child

I think the UK legislation has this spot on: it’s not perfect, because sometimes the people who implement it are not perfect! And when it comes to contact orders, many embittered mothers refuse to comply with court orders: that’s called “ implacable hostility,” and it occurs when mothers prevent the father from seeing the child, thereby using the child as a weapon of revenge!

Forget all that: the law is spot on, and the whole ethos is found in the first paragraph of The Children Act 1989: THE CHILDS WELFARE IS PARAMOUNT!

Not of first importance, or great importance, but of PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE!

You cannot own a child or even have parental rights over a child: You simply have duties to the child’s welfare!

Your daughter is ten months old! A court would say that NOTWITHSTANDING ANY OTHER FACTORS: in the case of the parents separating; it would be in the best interests of the child’s welfare to be resident with mother, and to have the maximum amount of practical contact with the father! Mothers are by far the best option for caring for young children, and certainly for a young baby, as in this case!

For a father to snatch such a child, would be viewed as child abduction: not only a criminal offence, but also behaviour that would result in very limited supervised contact, if contact was allowed at all. In Thailand the situation would be very much worse, as you are farang and the mother is a Thai national.

Both you and the mother are still talking: for the sake of your future relationship with your daughter: that has to continue, even when that talking becomes negotiating, as I feel is about to happen!

I disagree with another poster, who suggested you are too old to be a father: you are not1 But you are certainly not the right age, or sex to have sole care of a baby: you are not the mother, simple as that!

However: if you and the mother were to decide that you alone should bring up the child: as that is what would be in the child’s best interests, then it is certainly feasible that either with bottle feeding, or employing a wet nurse: then yes it could be done, but surely nothing comes close to a mothers love and nurture!

NOTWITHSTANDING ANY OTHER FACTORS!

Waving a knife around and shaking a baby, is VERY VERY worrying indeed! You were there, and only you know whether the knife threat was foolish posturing, or deadly serious! Shaking a baby IS DEADLY SERIOUS!

In an ideal world the best option for the child, is likely to involve residence with the mother, with you having unlimited contact, and that’s down to cool negotiating out of all unfinished business, which will almost inevitably also involve property!

In the present situation: IF THERE IS ANY RISK TO THE CHILD WHATSOEVER! You simply have to involve the police, at the highest, and least corrupt level possible! ABDUCTION should really be left to absolute life or death situations.

My heart goes out to you Mac: Please try and factor in as much cool negotiating time as possible, and that’s going to involve elements of gamesmanship! You really are way to close to the action to remain objective at the moment! Try and get away for a little to get a game plan going!

You are in all our thoughts.

Regards.

Mark.

[paulsmithson]

What a heartbreaking and sad situation for any man or woman to be in.

I lost a fortune to my farang wife when I was 40- she tried to poison me first-then put ground glass in a meal for me then finally her boyfriend rammed a motorcycle I was on.

I took fifty quid and a suitcase full of clothes and left! She had emptied the bank account--got to keep the house cos of my kid!

I was almost suicidal at the time-but life goes on and twenty years later I am living here-independently wealthy again and loving every minute.( and now married to a Thai - they are not all bad!)

Do not ever give up Mac! Life is very much like those childhood fights---keep fighting and you just might win-stop fighting and all you will get is a bloody good kicking!

[OlRedEyes]

Now I am going to seek someone who will really love and care for me as I do for them:

My perspective: As long as you seek someone to really love and care for you, you'll probably fall into one-sided relationships. You are effectively a sitting duck for gold-diggers.

It's only once you don't need anyone to love and care for you that you will approach new relationships with a balanced view. Then you have a better chance of finding that relationship.

Good luck to you and your daughter. Someone mentioned that you cannot simply just put your daughter first. I agree, you will be of little use to your daughter if you are broken.

[Dave the Dude]

Hi Mac

It was good to meet you this morning at the FC (and thanks BFG for that). I am glad I can now put a face to a name and it was refreshing to see you are pretty calm about this all. You have made the right decision to bugger-off for a while and stay with friend. I wish I had the support of friends you have when my marriage went down the pan.

Sorry it was a fleeting visit but a Funeral Pyre awaited. Honest!!!!

Hope to meet up again soon

All the Best

David & Sri

[oxymoron]

The following choices have been put to her today which she just laughed at:

1. our daughter comes first: If you want to leave put the house in the daughter's name sign truck to me and give me Gloria I will take care :

2. I live elsewhere and see my daughter once a month

3. I find another location and a maid and take Gloria.

I have been living a lie, I am not being cared for or looked after at all.

I make beds I do laundry I have to cook for my self and help with my daughter yet I am told I do nothing

MacB sorry to hear about whats happening to you. But unfortunately you brought it on yourself. You are TOOOOO good. There will be lots of good advice given because many of us who have read you posts over the past months knows this.

Forget about what you have said above, at times like this is is difficult for a man to negotiate with any woman and you have NO Chance with a Thai.

Just pack your bag Go Away for 2 or 3 months your child will be OK the grandparents extended family will see to that, let her sweat without you or money and wait for her to chase you up, on your terms. I had to do this 16 years ago and now we have been together 20 years and all is great. I can only speak for Thai and Indo Chinese women as I have a TW and my Thai stepson the Chinese in both cases you must be "the man" otherwise they will eat you up and spit you out.

[jayenram]

Mac

I have not been very active on the forum for the last few days, but after having heard from the F*t G*t about the situation, I want to say that I'm very, very sorry that your relationship with Bee has ended like this. Of all the rocky relationships I've seen and still see, I never considered that yours was one of them.

I'm not going to attempt to give any advice as I don't believe I have the knowledge or experience, but I sincerely hope that you are able to sort it out one way or another to the benefit of yourself and your daughter.

Keep your chin up, Big Man.

Y

[pumpuiman]

For what it's worth, I think you have to decide if you love your wife or not. If you can live without her. Go. You did mention some time ago that your daughter had a British passport. Take her to the Uk for Christmas and reasses the situation in the newyear. Get her out of an atmosphere of hostility as soon as possible.

Pumpuiman, you should be shot. tempting him with a woman who may not even want him. Women are not commodoties

I have merely offered to introduce him to an honest hardworking single Isaan girl who doesn't drink or smoke, never set foot in a bar, is a great cook, family oriented and is in her 30's (and remarked to my wife that she is attracted to farang men)

I haven't offered to pimp her out, and fukc you for the implication.

Courtship with her would be a long and arduous process....I know....I went through it with her sister...and married her.

She's my sister in law, and I love her.

I don't know if they'd hit it off....but who knows. She's a smart girl, she can think for herself...she's not a commodity......that's the point.

I should be shot?

[lampard10]

I should be shot?

or introduce her to me.

When people, jusat like the ones who have answered this post, have stated how terrible the Thai women are, I have usually retaliated with venom, sticking up for them like no other. I stated that I had found, not the perfect one, but near enough, andone so alike to me we could be twins. I also stated that only death would part us. Maybe that was the problem. We were too alike. I sat and comiserated with the lads, and was joined by another in the same situation, who shall remain nameless, but is well known here. I was lucky in some respects, I had nothing when I met my wife, and all she had was her wages from her job as a chef. I guess now that I have made her gain tons of respect, she does not need me any more. One more thing where my story differs. Her family will have nothing to do with her any more, and all of them have sided with me.

[leisurely]

Heartfelt apologies pumpuiman, it should have been Zorro1 on the receiving end of my ire.

Back on topic, I do think that you ought to wait a while to meet someone else MacB, you said in one of your posts that you wanted to find someone to love and love you in return. I'd give it some time before you set out along that path again.

[zorro1]

Heartfelt apologies pumpuiman, it should have been Zorro1 on the receiving end of my ire.

Back on topic, I do think that you ought to wait a while to meet someone else MacB, you said in one of your posts that you wanted to find someone to love and love you in return. I'd give it some time before you set out along that path again.

oh dear you are a tad confused and throwing around insults a little" leisurely" It wasn't me that said that either. Now your gonna have to re read the whole thread and apologise to me as well

[leisurely]

OK, Zorro1, but I do think your response of where was Pumpuiman when you went through that was a bit off. I am just going to observe now that I've taken it so far off topic.

[johnsurin]

I should be shot?

or introduce her to me.

When people, jusat like the ones who have answered this post, have stated how terrible the Thai women are, I have usually retaliated with venom, sticking up for them like no other. I stated that I had found, not the perfect one, but near enough, andone so alike to me we could be twins. I also stated that only death would part us. Maybe that was the problem. We were too alike. I sat and comiserated with the lads, and was joined by another in the same situation, who shall remain nameless, but is well known here. I was lucky in some respects, I had nothing when I met my wife, and all she had was her wages from her job as a chef. I guess now that I have made her gain tons of respect, she does not need me any more. One more thing where my story differs. Her family will have nothing to do with her any more, and all of them have sided with me.

As the big guy above says about thai women. Why do people jump on the bandwagon and say how terrible they are.

Are most of the farang living in thailand not divorced in their retrospective countries and have moved to thailand to find love?

Not all I grant you that (myself included). However don't people find that women are the same all over the world? Wherever you might be, less we not forget one thing.... Lots of women are good and lots are bad. The best tthing to do is realise thay are just snakes with t*ts, and as quoted before:- NEVER invest in anything you are not prepared to walk away from if the proverbial sh*t hits the fan.....

Goodluck in getting everything sorted with your daughter macb. However I'm afraid I must say it looks like the marriage is over, how could you ever forget what the wife has said to you. Those words must have hurt so much and I hope you have much better luck in the future as somebody like yourself truly deserves it.....

John.....

[LoveDaBlues]

I just want to give some advice to anyone thinking of marrying a Thai girl, especially from Isaan - NEVER do until you've been in Thailand for at least three years. The sad story of Macs, I see happening at least 5 times a year in Khon Kaen, usualy through Thai Love Links. Sometimes it takes a year or two for them to make "the kill". NEVER come to Thailand and marry a woman you met on the internet, unless you can afford to lose a lot.

I have a friend who met his wife on TLL. They've been together 6 years. I know 2 other farang/Thai couples who met on TLL and have been married for many happy years.

I met my Thai wife (we're legally married) on TLL back in March of 2005. We're having our first child on Dec. 7 (C-section). Yes, you can be scammed by a girl from TLL; just like you can be scammed by a BG or a bank teller or a noodle seller or etc. etc. etc. etc.

The word 'NEVER' is seldom appropriate and in this case poor advice IMHO.

[99BigLad99]

I just want to give some advice to anyone thinking of marrying a Thai girl, especially from Isaan - NEVER do until you've been in Thailand for at least three years. The sad story of Macs, I see happening at least 5 times a year in Khon Kaen, usualy through Thai Love Links. Sometimes it takes a year or two for them to make "the kill". NEVER come to Thailand and marry a woman you met on the internet, unless you can afford to lose a lot.

What a complete load of bull you have posted there just ask a few guys that I know that are happily married for many years to Thai girls it makes no difference what so ever how long you live in a place if some one is going to scam you you will get scammed anyway

By the way Mac is now up at my place for a while - dont know how long for but things will sort them selves out in the end no doubt to a satisfactory completion.

[macb]

Hi Mac

It was good to meet you this morning at the FC (and thanks BFG for that). I am glad I can now put a face to a name and it was refreshing to see you are pretty calm about this all. You have made the right decision to bugger-off for a while and stay with friend. I wish I had the support of friends you have when my marriage went down the pan.

Sorry it was a fleeting visit but a Funeral Pyre awaited. Honest!!!!

Hope to meet up again soon

All the Best

David & Sri

Hi mate:

Was good to me you as well: I am now in petchabun

hope to see you soon

take care

Mac

Edited November 28, 2007 by macb

[TopDogger]

it does sound like there may be a thai man about as its a classic scenario when the wife dosent want the 50-50 baby

////////////////

don't overlook this comment.

Well if there is a Thai man I don't know when she sees him we been together 24/7 although I don't like her so called step-brother but then I told her that : When I first met her sisters etc one of the brother-in-laws said to me pay (Step Brother) 2000 bht per month he will stay village and protect Bee I thought this strange, he said he had boxed her first Thai husband but when put to the Wife she said he had not anyway I notice all sorts of things and remember them

hmmz.. I recently found out that a girl I've been trying to shag for nearly 2 years is actually married, It was more of a fun flirting thing than anything as I'm not 100% single. Turns out her brother who i've had a few beers with on more than one occasion is actually her husband..

Edited November 28, 2007 by TopDogger

[Boo]

troll posts by previously banned members using new logins will not be tolerated & has been removed.

please try to keep on topic

[Thaddeus]

I sat and comiserated with the lads, and was joined by another in the same situation, who shall remain nameless, but is well known here.

Hello ........

Thanks Mart (seriously, not a jibe, it needed to come out)

For everyone's benefit.... he means me.

I have been living on my own now for a little over three months, just me and five dogs. I do know, as does Martin, what Mac is going through at the moment and after bumping into him at the FC yesterday, I was relieved to discover that he is handling it quite well.

I didn't make any mention on TV of my situation for one very good reason, I already have enough supportive friends in the real world and the typical 'told you so' posts in here would have worsened my mood at the time.

Mac is a great bloke, one of life's real gentleman, he will get, as he deserves, all the help and support that he needs from his friends outside of this screen.

The first few weeks of my situation was a living hel_l, now it's getting better, much better.... wifey and I are able to talk about our options for the future as two rational people (well, one and a half)...... once the rage/anger/hate/desperation has started to subside, it becomes much easier, it's only a matter of time.

(just a short note for the 'told you so' posters ...... please, cheer other people up some time .... sitting on something sharp until you bleed would give most other people a good laugh)

[milesm]

perhaps you can take something from a Dan Fogelberg song entitled, "Next Time"

One too many days I've felt forgotten

And one too many nights I've slept alone

And every time I watch the fruit turn rotten

I tell myself I'll try a little harder next time

Whoa oh, next time

Sacred are the ties that love entrusts us

Even if they fray before they bind

And I'm afraid I never did you justice (should be in your case, "and i'm afraid you never did me justice")

So I'm going to feel my love a little stronger

Make it last a little longer next time

next time

Well next time I ain't gonna fall on my knees

And come out of love empty-handed

But next time I'll be even harder to please

Oh when will the next time be

When will the next time be

Well next time I ain't gonna fall on my knees for nobody

And come out of love empty-handed

But next time I'll be even harder to please

Oh when will the next time be

When will the next time be

One too many days I've felt forgotten by you

And one too many nights I've slept alone

And every time I watch the fruit turn rotten

I tell myself I'll try a little harder

Play my cards a little smarter next time

Oh next time

macb, i hope all works out for you and your daughter.

[macb]

For what it's worth, I think you have to decide if you love your wife or not. If you can live without her. Go. You did mention some time ago that your daughter had a British passport. Take her to the Uk for Christmas and reasses the situation in the newyear. Get her out of an atmosphere of hostility as soon as possible.

Pumpuiman, you should be shot. tempting him with a woman who may not even want him. Women are not commodoties

I have merely offered to introduce him to an honest hardworking single Isaan girl who doesn't drink or smoke, never set foot in a bar, is a great cook, family oriented and is in her 30's (and remarked to my wife that she is attracted to farang men)

I haven't offered to pimp her out, and fukc you for the implication.

Courtship with her would be a long and arduous process....I know....I went through it with her sister...and married her.

She's my sister in law, and I love her.

I don't know if they'd hit it off....but who knows. She's a smart girl, she can think for herself...she's not a commodity......that's the point.

I should be shot?

I appreciate your caring mate and it is not a problem with me at all.

[macb]

Well folks I am up in Petchabun with my mate MGC and his`wife and family.

Lots of folks to thank but ANDY LEE and PA and Ron Thompson special thanks :

My little daughter is my concern but at the moment chill out relax and think things through, but Bee is out of the equation now,just need to get a good conclusion.

I will not see my daughter growing up full time unless she is with me but all to sorted I will do my best sfor her

[lampard10]

Well folks I am up in Petchabun with my mate MGC and his`wife and family.

you found it with MY directions?

[MrSquigle]

Just a question, how can you 'do the best' for your daughter if she is not with you, if she is left in a village to grow up and go to school when she has the ooportunity to do better and more importantly when the mother does what she does ??

If you have friends, good friends, would any of them offer to help you take care of her for a short time until you settle and sort your shit out ?

Edited November 29, 2007 by MrSquigle