My Life And My Families Lives Have Just Been Threatned.

[Wranklefrankie]

Hello,

I understand if some readers think this to be childish mellow drama, and I apologize to you in advance, but this is very serious, and would appreciate serious feedback.

I would like to hear what this forum thinks of a situation that has occurred, and if it is inappropriate to discuss here, please let me know.

I have a Thai wife, and two girls, 1 at 4 years, 1 at 7 months. We live in Phuket South of Chalong, and have for 3 years. I also have a live in maid that has been with us for 1 year, and she is family, and very close us. We think the world of her, and I consider her to be irreplaceable.

I have very few friends on the island because I adore privacy, but have managed to become friends with a man who is more like a stray dog I brought home rather than a friend. We have been "friends" for around 1.5 years, and he is a real drag, but I remain friends with him because my wife likes his wife, and my 4 year old likes his 4 year old, but I really don't care for his friendship, I just tolerate it.

I am at work in Australia, and during this time, he came to my house uninvited, and attempted to negotiate sex with my maid. I consider this to be a horrible act, and will not stand for it. I am out of country at the moment, and there is little I can do. Not that I would do him harm, but I would definitely cease our friendship. So far, it has been emails, and phone calls. I am very upset about this and have spoken to both my wife and my maid, and when I spoke with her, she filled me in on the disgusting details of exactly what he said to her. This man is sick.

His wife doesn't seem to mind him with other women as long as it doesn't reflect on her, and he takes advantage of this as much as he can. But, with no job, and limited funds, he is forced to use whatever means available. His wife, the Bar Owner spoke rudely to my wife at his daughter’s birthday and called her and myself names.

Sorry for the details, but to understand my position, I needed to explain. The point to this topic is this:

I called her to tell her (bar owner and wife of friend) that I was angry with the way she humiliated my wife, and she threatened to sick the mafia on me and hurt me or my family. Also, she has threatened to involve a very powerful farang here in the South to hurt me, and bring harm to my family.

I know this sounds like school drama, so you can save the comments. I am truly worried about this and have no idea what to do about it. I bring this topic up here because of all the useful information I have seen and read. I have not contacted the police, but we have recently moved to a new house and have not told anyone where.

Is this a common thing in Phuket? Is there a Mafia here that will hurt me if she asks them to?

Does anyone know of a Thai(s) that can provide 24 hour security for my family? I have been to her bar, and I have seen the Men she is referring to. These are very powerful men, and I know that one word from her and it could be bad for me. I think I am in real trouble here and it is all because my friend tried to bang my maid. Of all the people to choose, on this island, in this Country.

Thanks

[MrSquigle]

What do you class as 'very powerfull men' and at the end of the day, she is just a bar owner, no hi-so claim to fame, but yes certainly could have the bad element associated with her.

If you have moved, then just ignore them and avoid contact at all, it will die a quiet death.

I had problems with my neighbours a few years ago, short story is that it ended with a large group of them, about 10 roughly, trying to grab me over the fence, all drunk and inviting me outside where they were going to tear my head off.

Police were called, also via someone who knows someone, the owner of the neighbours house was called. Nothing happened after this and I learnt that a phone call was made to the neighbours from the CSD and they kept their traps shut after this.

3 years later, I am still here but they have moved on. So if you know anyone higher up the tree than her, make a call. If not, just maintain a quiet existance for awhile. Unfotunately in this country it is all to easy to make these threats and sometimes they carry them off, also having alcohol involved by ownig a bar is not a good thing as can escalate the problem through no fault of your own.

[LivinLOS]

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry).. People push.. then push back.. Doesnt even sound like Thai with connections pushing. Is this guy a farang hitting on your maid or a Thai ??

Try this for size.. Buddy had his psycho missus pay off duty cops to come round, flash a badge to gain entry to house, stick a gun in his face whack him around and told him he would be dead if he stays, that they had killed others and would get him gone. He still stayed.

He was then told that he was going to have a bag of pills planted if he kept living here and end up doing hard time.. Again he got through. Thats farang v paid, bad / rogue police..

This sounds like storm is a teacup. Thais instantly roll out the 'I am mafia' line.. The only problems is sometimes (rarely) its true.. In this case they would have very little reason (one complaining phone call.. sounds like bunched panties) to spend the money or favours / face expenditure on retribution.

[ade100]

My two cents worth:

Trying to look at this through Thai eyes, it sounds like the wife/bar owner has lost face. Then when you phoned her up she lost face even more. I would try to fix it with nam jai. Buy her something, do her a favour, apologise if you caused her any offence. You may not feel like apologising but the safety of your family is much more important.

I am sure you have the social skills to diffuse the situation and not to have to turn your home into a high security prison. I am also sure she doesn’t really want to hurt your family, she is just very upset.

[Wranklefrankie]

Although I do appreciate the input, I don't appreciate

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry)..

My normal reactions are forbidden here, so I must say I am reporting you to the moderators.

I can assure you that I am no puss, and to be called that on this site from someone is very annoying. Knowing there is no way to defend such an accusation, and I refuse to get involved with name calling. Sticks and Stones...friend.

I am not used to the 'Mafia' and I must say that to hear about some of the things that go on here, like murders, and violent crime, I am right to be a bit intimidated. Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap isn't just the name of a song.

Thanks all for the input, and a special thanks to LivinLOS for sharing.

[madjbs]

My two cents worth:

Trying to look at this through Thai eyes, it sounds like the wife/bar owner has lost face. Then when you phoned her up she lost face even more. I would try to fix it with nam jai. Buy her something, do her a favour, apologise if you caused her any offence. You may not feel like apologising but the safety of your family is much more important.

I am sure you have the social skills to diffuse the situation and not to have to turn your home into a high security prison. I am also sure she doesn’t really want to hurt your family, she is just very upset.

I would probably agree with this, although without being there it is hard to know exactly what happened. Try to avoid elevating the dispute; it could just make it worse for the future. It might be hard to stomach considering what the guy did, but if you have made it clear already that it won’t be accepted then try to rest the matter.

[Super Hans]

Although I do appreciate the input, I don't appreciate

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry)..

My normal reactions are forbidden here, so I must say I am reporting you to the moderators.

I can assure you that I am no puss, and to be called that on this site from someone is very annoying. Knowing there is no way to defend such an accusation, and I refuse to get involved with name calling. Sticks and Stones...friend.

I am not used to the 'Mafia' and I must say that to hear about some of the things that go on here, like murders, and violent crime, I am right to be a bit intimidated. Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap isn't just the name of a song.

Thanks all for the input, and a special thanks to LivinLOS for sharing.

Relax. Calling someone a puss isn't the world's worst insult.

[sweetchariot]

OMFG. Another mafia believer.

Mafia in the west signifies organised, violent crime.

Mafia here signifies more than three idiots, with a homemade gun, that is more likely to kill them, than anyone they were aiming at.

Some of these guys are pis-ed off with you, that doesn't make them mafia, however they are dangerous.

Move your family up north for a while, and perhaps think about a permanent move.

Why have I never had any of these problems here? Maybe because I understand and respect the culture a little more.

[wasabi]

As someone mentioned in this thread the situation is easy to resolve. Most likely the lady is bluffing but it's not worth risking your family to call the bluff. I too have had my life threatened in Thailand and had to deal with someone who claimed to be mafia. The problem stemmed from divorcing my Thai ex-wife. When the supposed Mafia person contacted me they wanted to hear my side of the story. I am able to speak Thai so this may have helped. I explained it was a misunderstanding and I didn't want any problem with anyone. I said I had tried my best with my ex wife, never hurt her and am sorry it didn't work. I asked what I needed to do to make the problem go away. To my surprise he started laughing and said Thai women are crazy and not to worry about it. No money needed to exchange hands or anything, that was the end of it. I think he liked that I showed him respect and was willing to do what it took to make the situation better. Instead of escalating this situation you need to put a stop to it. Call her say you were wrong, and next time you go to the bar you'll buy everyone drinks or something. Someone has to be truly mad to stab a conciliatory person in the back.

The fact you may have in actuality done nothing wrong has nothing to do with the situation here. Also cut off all contact with your 'friend' via a similar face saving method. Say that you have offended him and your own personal set of values can't allow you to continue being friends. Hey it might be the pus_sy way out but you'll live to tell about it.

[PhilHarries]

Why have I never had any of these problems here? Maybe because I understand and respect the culture a little more.

Or maybe you have been just plain lucky, who knows?

As others have said the wrong course is to escalate the confrontation. This leaves you with two options:-

1. Lie low, avoid all contact and hope it all blows over. Whereas this can and does often work it does leave an open festering dispute that can flare up anytime they choose.

2. Next time you are in Thailand, hopefully soon, go see the people concerned and admit to a misunderstanding, have a few drinks and leave it at that. Thereafter, apart from daily pleasantries, avoid all contact. If the guy comes round make excuses like you are busy or just going out etc. This may sound like the pussies way out, and a few years back I'd have been all for the smash 'em and crash 'em approach, but you have to live there. Also, by the sounds of it, you are not there 24/7 so your family are vulnerable and they are your prime concern.

Just my thoughts on the issue.

[LivinLOS]

Although I do appreciate the input, I don't appreciate

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry)..

My normal reactions are forbidden here, so I must say I am reporting you to the moderators.

I can assure you that I am no puss, and to be called that on this site from someone is very annoying. Knowing there is no way to defend such an accusation, and I refuse to get involved with name calling. Sticks and Stones...friend.

I am not used to the 'Mafia' and I must say that to hear about some of the things that go on here, like murders, and violent crime, I am right to be a bit intimidated. Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap isn't just the name of a song.

Thanks all for the input, and a special thanks to LivinLOS for sharing.

OK maybe that didnt come over too well online..

By calling you a puss I meant your just acting way to soft, worrying over whats not that unusual if you have any Thai conflict. It wasnt intended as strong as you read it.

Look, people that really act out on violence themselves (personally) almost always do so at a flash point, they rarely threaten, they act. Now you have some screechy thai female who (and here I am really guessing and generalizing) may be your usual low-so bar owner with an OG (over gold) personality all used to her staff giving her the big face treatment as she is now an employer. Secondly theres very little advantage in her actually doing anything, it costs either money or expenditure in favors to get any thing serious done and so what you have sounds like normal basic friction. This has nothing to do with cultural understanding and lots more to do with low class people from a country where laws dont get enforced much. I find it hard to think you have lived here any length of time and not had to deal with some of Thailands rough and tumble ??

Ignore her, go on with your life, increase your security and keep you eyes open. Alternatively have you not got the tel number of any Thai who can exert influence ?? I dont mean someone walk in with a bunch of toughs (tho that would be one possible) I mean more no tel number of a family friendly cop or similar.

[MrSquigle]

The problem for OP here is that any kind of threat, no matter if real or not, when you have your children involved and futhermore, when you are not here yourself to protect them....then it becomes a huge concern to yourself and even the smallest problem becomes a big one when looked at with your kids.

As for the poster that says this never happens to him...'cos he understands thai culture so much more' ..... please.

[zorro1]

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry).. People push.. then push back.. Doesnt even sound like Thai with connections pushing. Is this guy a farang hitting on your maid or a Thai ??

Try this for size.. Buddy had his psycho missus pay off duty cops to come round, flash a badge to gain entry to house, stick a gun in his face whack him around and told him he would be dead if he stays, that they had killed others and would get him gone. He still stayed.

He was then told that he was going to have a bag of pills planted if he kept living here and end up doing hard time.. Again he got through. Thats farang v paid, bad / rogue police..

This sounds like storm is a teacup. Thais instantly roll out the 'I am mafia' line.. The only problems is sometimes (rarely) its true.. In this case they woulds have very little reason (one complaining phone call.. sounds like bunched panties) to spend the money or favours / face expenditure on retribution.

Are you for real ? wow your mate is my new hero even If he has a wildly vivid imagination! Now focus on the posting will ya? Did your hero mate have his kids living there? let me guess he had the Brady bunch but that wouldn't bother him now would it. Did he have his wife there? derrr don't think so apparently she might be the one trying to knock him off

[zorro1]

I take that last posting back. didnt read your 2nd response

[Cuban]

Wait a day, go back to the person concerned, ask if they are still angry and if the threat is still standing?

If they say yes - tell them you are going directly to the police. (Have your car parked such that you can drive away at once.) See how they react - but do not remain and argue the toss with them.

Go directly to the police and record the threat to your life on paper.

People be-little the Thai police for most day to day issues - however they do have their uses.

[LivinLOS]

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry).. People push.. then push back.. Doesnt even sound like Thai with connections pushing. Is this guy a farang hitting on your maid or a Thai ??

Try this for size.. Buddy had his psycho missus pay off duty cops to come round, flash a badge to gain entry to house, stick a gun in his face whack him around and told him he would be dead if he stays, that they had killed others and would get him gone. He still stayed.

He was then told that he was going to have a bag of pills planted if he kept living here and end up doing hard time.. Again he got through. Thats farang v paid, bad / rogue police..

This sounds like storm is a teacup. Thais instantly roll out the 'I am mafia' line.. The only problems is sometimes (rarely) its true.. In this case they woulds have very little reason (one complaining phone call.. sounds like bunched panties) to spend the money or favours / face expenditure on retribution.

Are you for real ? wow your mate is my new hero even If he has a wildly vivid imagination! Now focus on the posting will ya? Did your hero mate have his kids living there? let me guess he had the Brady bunch but that wouldn't bother him now would it. Did he have his wife there? derrr don't think so apparently she might be the one trying to knock him off

Yes he did.. he was a single dad taking care of his infant kid that he had to take away from his drug abusing psycho GF..

Second close buddy of mine (and ex poster on here) was the fella whose wife was kidnapped by gun toting goons, bag on her head and drugged and taken away to sign docs stating land transfers etc.. The main person behind it made no real attempt to hide thier identity (she was taken and held captive in a house he owned !!) as they were connected government type, police couldnt / wouldnt help much. 2 nakhon hitmen were contracted to hit the mate, one was arrested but one remained free with the contract open. Police advise was 'dont go back to your house'..

All (much) of this was in the gazette if you think its made up.

Those are the kind of times to worry.. Some silly mamasan saying she sick mafia on you ?? Just cos shes lost some face through actions not of your creation.. Not a time to be running for the hills IMO. Sit tight, increase your vigilance, of course.. But dont freak out about her.

[nonthaburial]

these Mafia stories seem to be gaining popularity !!!! read todays stickman posts, another mafia thread about Pattaya bars. Although strictly edited by Stickman,I would think that the bars indicated would be well known to Pattaya residents if the accusations were to be valid

Any guesses ???or just another storm in a teacup !

[qualtrough]

Although I do appreciate the input, I don't appreciate

He sounds like a puss and you sound worse (sorry)..

My normal reactions are forbidden here, so I must say I am reporting you to the moderators.

I can assure you that I am no puss, and to be called that on this site from someone is very annoying. Knowing there is no way to defend such an accusation, and I refuse to get involved with name calling. Sticks and Stones...friend.

I am not used to the 'Mafia' and I must say that to hear about some of the things that go on here, like murders, and violent crime, I am right to be a bit intimidated. Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap isn't just the name of a song.

Thanks all for the input, and a special thanks to LivinLOS for sharing.

A guy calls you a puss, an extremely mild insult, and you threaten to report him to the moderators? I think I see your problem clearly now. A guy hits on your maid and you tell all and sundry that he is some kind of sex fiend. Why couldn't you have just told your wife to drop him from the social calendar? That would have been very easy and taken care of the problem. Instead you chose to make a big case about it and ended irritating someone who wasn't even involved in that man's action in the first place. If you are smart you will learn a lesson about that, a lesson will applications beyond Thailand. As for the threat, most likely idle. Mind your own business, don't stoke the fires, and get on with your life.

[LivinLOS]

Although I wasnt going to mention it as I have no desire to stoke any argument or friction.

But surely your maid is an adult ?? So some guy may have made a crass sexual come on.. But surely she was able to turn him down ??

[chiang mai]

To the OP: my advice would be to defuse the situation as quickly and in as low key way as possible, even if that means that you lose face in the eyes of the Thai's, it's not worth doing anything else - if you are back here soon it would be best to do this in person. Probably no need to move your family away and similarly, no need to add layers of conspicuous protection which frankly will only provoke further. Thai's can be very emotional at times as you probably well know and losing face is a serious issue. Probably best if in the future you let Thai's sort these things out between each other rather than trying to protect the virtues of the maid, even if she is your friend - they have a knack for dealing with such things and our involvement only upsets the balance.

[Wranklefrankie]

A guy calls you a puss, an extremely mild insult, and you threaten to report him to the moderators? I think I see your problem clearly now. A guy hits on your maid and you tell all and sundry that he is some kind of sex fiend. Why couldn't you have just told your wife to drop him from the social calendar? That would have been very easy and taken care of the problem. Instead you chose to make a big case about it and ended irritating someone who wasn't even involved in that man's action in the first place. If you are smart you will learn a lesson about that, a lesson will applications beyond Thailand. As for the threat, most likely idle. Mind your own business, don't stoke the fires, and get on with your life.

This is the problem with posting on this site. There always seems to be someone who is over opinionated, and makes it known before they even finish reading the original Thread. You made up your mind before you got to the end. As for calling people names on a forum site, it is just ummm... "against the rules" and meaningless because you know there is nothing I can do about it. Just because we live in Thailand doesn't mean we have to give up our dignity. I have never felt the need to even involve name calling because the purpose for this forum is to discuss topics, not to call people names. If you want to call people names, there are other places for that.

Had you taken the time to finish the topic before blurting out your opinion, you will have figured out that I am not telling all about he and my maid. I am merely saying that "I AM NOT AT HOME, SHOULD I WORRY ABOUT THIS THREAT". He knew that to hit on her would p]ss me off, he knew because I told him. For one simple reason, "SHE HANDLES MY CHILDREN, BATHES, AND KISSES THEM" Now, if you can't put that together, well you need to reread the original thread, and realize that it was only mentioned to prepare you for the point. I am sorry if the details where too much for you attention span, but I am "away from home, and this all happended during the time I have BEEN AWAY". I left Nov 08, it happended Nov 12. I am not trying to smear anyone here, but I do want some reassurances that I am just overly worried and that this will blow over. It is extremely hard to hear my wife tell me how afraid she is right now. Beleive me, I am not scared for me. If you knew me, you would know that if it weren't for my family, I would not be writing this in this post. Before I had a family, I would have just ....well I would have nandled it with money and thugs. But I am a father now, and I cannot accept a rsik such as this to my family, so, I come here for answers. This is a big step for me considering my thought pattern before my babies.

I have also just lost 120,000 baht because the landlord wouldn't let us break our lease. I had to move my family from one house to another from here. I spent 12 days, Oct 26-Nov 7, in the hospital prior to leaving for work due to 2 Large Kidney Stones, and Bangkok Phuket Hospital ain't cheap. $240,000. This has been very difficult, and it is all happening right now. I have had to fork out an additional 135,000 for a new house, and all that comes with it. Believe me, I have nowhere else to turn for answers. So please, if I sound a bit sundry, accept my apology, and if I have irritated anyone thus far, please accept my apology. If you are further irritated, please feel free to Move to a NEW TOPIC.

None of you know me, and I know NONE of you. I look to you for answers and reassurance because some of you have wonderful insight. I just don't think your opinion would be the same if you knew me or my family. We live very low profile, we are good Buddhists, and we don't cause trouble.

Thanks all for your feedback. I am relaying some of it back to my family, and we appreciate all of the helpful answers and support.

[LivinLOS]

I still say that threats of an over glorified mamasan that says she will set 'mafia' on you for something you didnt cause is 99% talk.. Try not to be too paniced and relax. Has there been any evidence she is actually trying to cause physical harm or is this purely her word / threat ??

Tho I struggle to see such a need to react simply because someone hits on your maid.. As an adult I would expect her to be able to say not to slime balls and certainly would not be making calls to Thais while not in the country to set them straight about thier husband !!

Good luck.

[paulsmithson]

Face as a concept with the Thai.Well if you live here the same concepts apply to you.The guy crossed the line and made you lose face, You were right to be angry and will gain respect from the Thai for that.

Just because we live here does not mean we have to eat shit!

I always stood my corner here and with some pretty mean people at one point in time.

I am still here.

Next month I shall be employing the services of a local police hard man I know to help me collect some long overdue debts on behalf of a very old and good Thai man who is my friend and who I like very much.

For sure my actions will increase my local standing here in this area.

Right is right, sometimes needs to be backed by might,

The Thai will piss all over you if you let them---- but they are a long way off being mafia.

That role is reserved for the police and only of the highest ranks!

[misterme]

I think I am in real trouble here and it is all because my friend tried to bang my maid.

Actually, the situation you are in is a result of your reaction to this incident, not 'because your friend tried to bang your maid'

By accepting responsibility that your actions may have inflamed the situation to the point it's at may be a good starting point.

Sometimes face to face works best. You may need to eat humble pie when you get back. Sincerity goes a long way... agressiveness doesn't fly as well.

Good luck in ironing out if you intend to try.

...I do want some reassurances that I am just overly worried and that this will blow over. It is extremely hard to hear my wife tell me how afraid she is right now...

...I have also just lost 120,000 baht because the landlord wouldn't let us break our lease. I had to move my family from one house to another from here. I spent 12 days, Oct 26-Nov 7, in the hospital prior to leaving for work due to 2 Large Kidney Stones, and Bangkok Phuket Hospital ain't cheap. $240,000. This has been very difficult, and it is all happening right now.

Sorry to hear of your situation, but no one can give reassurances to the future. Understand you're upset and your wife is frightened.

As for the broken lease and move, that was a decision that you made. The landlord shouldn't coddle you for braking the lease... that's exactly what the deposit is for, insurance in case his tennants up and leave all of a sudden. BTW, it may have cost less than 120,000B to re-locate her temporarily until you come back and re-assess the situation. Could have been like a vacation, instead of an upsetting move.

Opinions on your medical situation. I fly alot. I see Thai people flying for medical treatment in Bangkok all the time. Next time skip Bangkok Hospital and try more affordable options with no loss in quality.

[Checker]

All Thais love to think they have mafia connections . . . It's a real fantasy of theirs.

[logbags]

In the 24 years I have spent around Phuket if I had a baht for everytime I heard someone was going to kill somebody or get the mafia to get someone I would be a rich man. The worse thing you can possibly do is show you are intimidated or even worried.

I'd also like to know who this so called hard man farang of the south is, all I've ever met are bar stool warriors and shit talkers. The real hard man or real mafia type you would never know as they walk the walk not talk the talk. If it's who I think it is I wouldn't be too worried.

I would suggest you just let it all blow over, Thais are good at making threats but more often than not it is all just face saving talk as somebody mentioned. The fact this guy is trying to chat up your maid shows he is a nobody and a two bob bar owner is hardly a person of influence or power.

As a home owner your wife can buy herself a gun. Under Thai law anybody entering your house uninvited at night is fair game. Many of my Thai relatives have a pistol they keep handy. It is not only farangs who have to deal with this sort of crap.

[Kiwi/Thai]

Ha ha!! Just figured out who you are and can guess who the other party is also. Sleep easy as these guys couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery. They aren't as well connected as you have been led to beleive. All talk and way too much of it.

[Ping]

Over-reaction/impetuosity/immaturity - all are chins begging to be smacked.

[kangeroo]

Before i moved near Korat i lived in patong and had a few problems with Thai bar owners the reasons are really not important . loss of face is the problem , take it easy give a nice box of whiskey and a few smiles even a invite to a nice feed helps . and if that does not work .RUN LIKE hel_l.

[Oleg_Rus]

loss of face? what face?

It's a 21st century, not middle ages. Go to police, write report, period.

Mafia my ***! Bunch of idiots who watched too many action movies to digest.

If there wouldn't be law in Thailand, the whole country would be run by angry tuk-tuks and booze punters.