Nuts

A tongue-tied man goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he has ever seen. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks, 'Ess-tues me, sir?'

'Yes?' replies the clerk. 'Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?'

'Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound.'

'SSit!' The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and then asks, 'Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?'

'Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound.'

'SSIT! tas' pensive,' replies the tongue-tied man. 'Welp, how bout your pikanns?'

'Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only four fifty a pound.'

'Welp, Ssit. Just div me a pound of dose dhen.'

'All right then,' says the clerk as he begins bagging up a pound of pecans.

Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, 'Tirr, I just wanna tay tank you for not making fun of de way I talk, tauz I tan't hep it.'

The clerk replies with a smile. 'Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that. I don't make fun of anybody. I don't know if you noticed but I have a rather large nose.'

The tongue-tied guy replies, 'Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your d**k since your nuts are so high.'