My Low Tolerance For Drunks

[jaideeguy]

Living in LOS, one has a lot of contact with alcoholics, both Thai and falang. It's deeply ingrained in the Thai culture and it seems that most of the falangs I know drink too much for my liking [mostly out of boredom, lack of confidence or to drown their sorrows??] I do drink my self....a little wine with and after diner and pride myself for my self control and I totally disrespect lack of control in others when they drink too much.

It seems to me that a lot of people I see drink to loose control and I do my best to avoid those situations and those kind of people and have drifted away from a few friends because of my intolerance of drunks.

My wife occasionally displays the Thai lack of control in her drinking habits as well. Last night, she invited a few [heavy drinking] friends over and they were drinking beer in the usual Thai fashion of on ice and always topping off the glass even after one swallow…..a Thai custom that I really don’t like, as I like to ‘control’ my own rate of consumption. I had my usual couple of glasses of wine and socialized with them until I became bored with the increasing slurring of speech, loudness, repetition, stupidity etc and I politely excused myself early.

The party went on til I was ready to sleep and my wife came in slightly inebriated and I was intolerant and started to verbally express my disapproval and maybe got a little loud and insulted her [saying that she was setting a bad example for our kids] and our guests who were within hearing range, which promptly broke up the party and I feel like an ass for my outburst and spoiling the sanook. In my rage, I did get a little physical by restraining her, but never hit her as she was begging me to do.

It is now, the morning after and I had a terrible night’s sleep with my guilt keeping me awake and feeling like I lost face as well as making my wife loose face.

Is it MY problem that I am intolerant of such behavior?? And do I have a problem with ‘control’??

[Bluelotus]

Drinking too much is not the only Alcohol related problem , smugness and a sense of superiority are just as vile as laughing too loud or general drunken revelry , perhaps something in your past has predisposed you to have a distaste for tippling .

[Lite Beer]

I worked as a Taxi driver in the UK for 13 years.

After all that time of ferrying the drunken morons around I am the same as the OP. I cannot stand drunks.

When I was working for a taxi company I used to do every thing I could to get out of the Fri- Sat night shifts.

[jaideeguy]

Yes, there was something in my history that gives me a distaste [not to be confused with smugness or superiority] for drunks.....my Xwife.

Mainly, my distaste for drunks is that they bore me and we all know about the dangers of an arogant drinker that thinks he can handle driving. Not to mention the antagonistic attitude that many drunks wanting to pick fights [verbal or physical].

many lives have been lost and

many marriages have been broken because of not being in control w/alcohol.

the list goes on

[jaideeguy]

The trick is knowing when to stop!! I'm 60 and learned that trick in my 20's and am thankful for learning it. Others have to learn the hard way and some don't learn until it's too late......

[jumnien]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink. I stopped drinking many years ago and until I stopped drinking, I thought everyone did. Now I have new playgrounds, new playmates and new playtoys and alcohol just isn't involved in any of it. Life is great!!! As soon as you stop your life revolving around alcohol you will see that the others whose life does revolve around alcohol will simply drift to another spot on the planet where alcohol is central. You will effortlessly lose the objects of your grief...

[PeaceBlondie]

My first compliments from my lover's family included my social status (local ajarn), followed by my sobriety and lack of smoking. I detest drunkenness, and when they are drunk, I detest my drunken friends' stupid behavior. I have lots of friends, and almost none of them ever drink.

You cannot reason with drunks. You can reason with your wife, husband or child when they are sober, sometimes. But some drunks never really sober up. I have no respect for drunks, just pity and arrogant compassion.

[sweetchariot]

I think you need to chill out. Is she doing this every night of the week? I used to go out every night of the week in the UK, but now I have settled with someone I love, I go out once or twice a week. My alcohol tolerance therfore has dipped somewhat, and the friends that I do go out with are drinking every night of the week.

Subsequently I get pissed on my occassional jollies, but I ask my g/f would she prefer this, or me going out every night?

I would be interested to know your respective ages, as it sounds to me that she is having fun with her friends, which a) you don't have, and b.. are not in your age group.

Your behaviour which you describe sounds more like a drunk than an intolerant, yes she has lost face, but you have lost something more - respect. Sounds more like jealousy than intolerance, and without knowing your specific situation, I would say that you are on the downward slope to singledom.

My g/f does not drink (at all), but likes to gamble. I disapprove of this severely, not least due to the legal consequences, but would NEVER start a debate/ arguement in front of her friends, and when we get home and have such a debate i would certainly NEVER manhandle her.

I don't see the problem in someone getting pissed now and again, it's when it goes on every night you need to worry / reassess.

Sorry about the rambling, I think I am still pissed from my Saturday night out, haha. Fortunately I did not get a taxi from 'Litebeer' who proclaims to be the fountain of wisdom on this forum, but gets shot down in flame every time he professes said wisdom on the visa forum.

Swing low............6 days to go

Edit/ stupid smileys appearing when I type a 'b' with a bracket.

Edited January 27, 2008 by sweetchariot

[gjones]

Living in LOS, one has a lot of contact with alcoholics, both Thai and falang. It's deeply ingrained in the Thai culture and it seems that most of the falangs I know drink too much for my liking [mostly out of boredom, lack of confidence or to drown their sorrows??] I do drink my self....a little wine with and after diner and pride myself for my self control and I totally disrespect lack of control in others when they drink too much.

It seems to me that a lot of people I see drink to loose control and I do my best to avoid those situations and those kind of people and have drifted away from a few friends because of my intolerance of drunks.

My wife occasionally displays the Thai lack of control in her drinking habits as well. Last night, she invited a few [heavy drinking] friends over and they were drinking beer in the usual Thai fashion of on ice and always topping off the glass even after one swallow…..a Thai custom that I really don’t like, as I like to ‘control’ my own rate of consumption. I had my usual couple of glasses of wine and socialized with them until I became bored with the increasing slurring of speech, loudness, repetition, stupidity etc and I politely excused myself early.

The party went on til I was ready to sleep and my wife came in slightly inebriated and I was intolerant and started to verbally express my disapproval and maybe got a little loud and insulted her [saying that she was setting a bad example for our kids] and our guests who were within hearing range, which promptly broke up the party and I feel like an ass for my outburst and spoiling the sanook. In my rage, I did get a little physical by restraining her, but never hit her as she was begging me to do.

It is now, the morning after and I had a terrible night’s sleep with my guilt keeping me awake and feeling like I lost face as well as making my wife loose face.

Is it MY problem that I am intolerant of such behavior?? And do I have a problem with ‘control’??

You have obviously not observed the right class of alcoholics and have a chronic case of superiority complex

[percy2]

pride myself for my self control and I totally disrespect lack of control in others when they drink too much.

I was intolerant and started to verbally express my disapproval and maybe got a little loud and insulted her

In my rage, I did get a little physical

Sounds like you don't need alcohol to lose control.

Careful.

Cheers

[jaideeguy]

Seems to me that it is the [out of contro] drinkers that always imply the superiority attitude of the sober [in control].

I don't claim to be superior....just in control of my indulgences.

I admitted my mistakes in my OP in causing a situation where my wife [and I] lost face and take full responsibility for that.

as a post script...

all the drunks, including my wife have woken up with [well deserved] hang overs and i greeted each one with 'sorry about last night' and was forgiven.

My biggest mistake was to critisize a person while drunk.

[PeaceBlondie]

No excuse for manhandling a woman, though, unless she is attacking you physically.

[Archimedes]

I see nothing wrong in friends getting together enjoying some drinks, laughing and getting drunk occationally.

The real problem only starts when it turns into a cyclic behavior.

Edited January 27, 2008 by Archimedes

[sweetchariot]

pride myself for my self control and I totally disrespect lack of control in others when they drink too much.

I was intolerant and started to verbally express my disapproval and maybe got a little loud and insulted her

In my rage, I did get a little physical

Sounds like you don't need alcohol to lose control.

Careful.

Cheers

Quality post Percy2

Funny, but when I am drunk I am probably more in control than you when you're sober.

Fits of rage and physical violence? Hmmm..........pour yourself a brandy and relax for once in your life.

[Macx]

My sympathies.

Look on the bright side: 1) she drank at home, 2) she went straight to bed afterward

I don't drink much myself, just beer and wine with dinner, but I see the advantage of a having a drinking sala set up away from the house. When guests come for a drinking session, it's nice that their drunken antics are far away from the kids.

[Gary A]

We have happy drunks, they are just silly but frequently get into trouble because they often become romantic. Then we have sad drunks who feel sorry for themselves. Their behavior is disgusting but normally harmless. Worst of all are the mean drunks. They are scary, unpredictable and think they are bulletproof. They often get hurt.

Hard core alcoholics normally are able to control themselves because they get a lot of practice.

Edited January 27, 2008 by Gary A

[gjones]

Jaideeguy, you hate drunks, have a very narrow minded opinion on people who drink and you cannot control yourself whilst sober.

You call yourself Jaideeguy (good heart) but you need cool off a bit mate, have a stiff one and relax after work, it helps

[rixalex]

You do seem overly up-tight and haven't created a fuss about something and nothing.

[sriracha john]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink.

Correcting yet another one of your incorrect assertions... it could a full-time occupation if someone was so inclined.

The fact of the matter is that the majority of Thai males drink alcohol..

http://www.ias.org.uk/resources/publicatio...103-04_p16.html

http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/publica...en/thailand.pdf

and probably a hundred other links if someone was so inclined.

[jumnien]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink.

Correcting yet another one of your incorrect assertions... it could a full-time occupation if someone was so inclined.

The fact of the matter is that the majority of Thai males drink alcohol..

http://www.ias.org.uk/resources/publicatio...103-04_p16.html

http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/publica...en/thailand.pdf

and probably a hundred other links if someone was so inclined.

Females are people too!

Seems your getting a little careless in your reading, not to mention a bit nasty, after cocktail hour.

Edited January 27, 2008 by sunrise07

[garro]

I am a reformed drunk and understand why you would find the behavior so appaling.

I also suspect that your low tolerance for the behavior is likely more to do with fear than anything else.

Habitual drunkeness is usually a sign of something missing from that person's life.

At least that has been my experience anyway.

Perhaps if you plan to spend more time around drunks you should learn more about addiction.

Otherwise I suggest you avoid them.

If you can't accept your wife's drinking then you can tell her to stop or you will leave.

[bangkokrick]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink. I stopped drinking many years ago and until I stopped drinking, I thought everyone did. Now I have new playgrounds, new playmates and new playtoys and alcohol just isn't involved in any of it. Life is great!!! As soon as you stop your life revolving around alcohol you will see that the others whose life does revolve around alcohol will simply drift to another spot on the planet where alcohol is central. You will effortlessly lose the objects of your grief...

Wow sunshine do you live in Thailand? In my experience the Thia's drink more than the Brits and thats saying something. By the way i am a Brit, so i am allowed to say that we drink a lot, without fear of recrimination.

Cheers, Rick

[jumnien]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink. I stopped drinking many years ago and until I stopped drinking, I thought everyone did. Now I have new playgrounds, new playmates and new playtoys and alcohol just isn't involved in any of it. Life is great!!! As soon as you stop your life revolving around alcohol you will see that the others whose life does revolve around alcohol will simply drift to another spot on the planet where alcohol is central. You will effortlessly lose the objects of your grief...

Wow sunshine do you live in Thailand? In my experience the Thia's drink more than the Brits and thats saying something. By the way i am a Brit, so i am allowed to say that we drink a lot, without fear of recrimination.

Cheers, Rick

I really think that of the 65 or so million people in Thailand that well less than 30 million drink more than on relatively rare occasions. If you are looking to hang out with people who don't drink much or not at all, there are plenty around!

Here are the stats that Sri Racha J was kind enough to submit as proof:

The latest survey in 2001 found that the number of drinkers increased from 13.7 million in 1996 to 15.3 million in 2001 or increased 2.3 per cent per year.

Among these 15.3 million drinkers, 13.0 million are males (55.9 per cent of the same age group) and 2.3 million are females (9.8 per cent). The highest prevalence is among people at 25-39 years of age (39.3 per cent), and young people at 15-24 (21.6 per cent).

Believe it or not, there's a lot of folks not drinking.

Edited January 27, 2008 by sunrise07

[sriracha john]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink.

Correcting yet another one of your incorrect assertions... it could a full-time occupation if someone was so inclined.

The fact of the matter is that the majority of Thai males drink alcohol..

http://www.ias.org.uk/resources/publicatio...103-04_p16.html

http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/publica...en/thailand.pdf

and probably a hundred other links if someone was so inclined.

Females are people too!

< yet one more incorrect sunrise assertion snipped >

Speaking of careless reading... obviously you didn't read the links provided... which there is no surprise there, but if you had you would see that in many scientific samplings around Thailand, the majority of Thai females between the ages of 15-21 drink.

[bangkokrick]

Most people in Thailand do not drink or rarely drink.

Correcting yet another one of your incorrect assertions... it could a full-time occupation if someone was so inclined.

The fact of the matter is that the majority of Thai males drink alcohol..

http://www.ias.org.uk/resources/publicatio...103-04_p16.html

http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/publica...en/thailand.pdf

and probably a hundred other links if someone was so inclined.

Females are people too!

< yet one more incorrect sunrise assertion snipped >

Speaking of careless reading... obviously you didn't read the links provided... which there is no surprise there, but if you had you would see that in many scientific samplings around Thailand, the majority of Thai females between the ages of 15-21 drink.

Ouch!

[mikethevigoman]

Living in LOS, one has a lot of contact with alcoholics, both Thai and falang. It's deeply ingrained in the Thai culture and it seems that most of the falangs I know drink too much for my liking [mostly out of boredom, lack of confidence or to drown their sorrows??] I do drink my self....a little wine with and after diner and pride myself for my self control and I totally disrespect lack of control in others when they drink too much.

It seems to me that a lot of people I see drink to loose control and I do my best to avoid those situations and those kind of people and have drifted away from a few friends because of my intolerance of drunks.

My wife occasionally displays the Thai lack of control in her drinking habits as well. Last night, she invited a few [heavy drinking] friends over and they were drinking beer in the usual Thai fashion of on ice and always topping off the glass even after one swallow…..a Thai custom that I really don't like, as I like to 'control' my own rate of consumption. I had my usual couple of glasses of wine and socialized with them until I became bored with the increasing slurring of speech, loudness, repetition, stupidity etc and I politely excused myself early.

The party went on til I was ready to sleep and my wife came in slightly inebriated and I was intolerant and started to verbally express my disapproval and maybe got a little loud and insulted her [saying that she was setting a bad example for our kids] and our guests who were within hearing range, which promptly broke up the party and I feel like an ass for my outburst and spoiling the sanook. In my rage, I did get a little physical by restraining her, but never hit her as she was begging me to do.

It is now, the morning after and I had a terrible night's sleep with my guilt keeping me awake and feeling like I lost face as well as making my wife loose face.

Is it MY problem that I am intolerant of such behavior?? And do I have a problem with 'control'??

There is no excuse for being an @sshole on drink, most people know what they are like when drunk so if they choose to do it again after the initial time then they are idiots and best avoided,especialy women as there is no reasoning with a drunk woman and from what you said this proves it,. its a tough call but i couldnt be around someone like it ,. i dont suffer fools, . and thats what they are if the booze turns then into a nuisance,

[mikethevigoman]

Seems to me that it is the [out of contro] drinkers that always imply the superiority attitude of the sober [in control].

I don't claim to be superior....just in control of my indulgences.

I admitted my mistakes in my OP in causing a situation where my wife [and I] lost face and take full responsibility for that.

as a post script...

all the drunks, including my wife have woken up with [well deserved] hang overs and i greeted each one with 'sorry about last night' and was forgiven.

My biggest mistake was to critisize a person while drunk.

I agree with you and but actually it isnt the alcohol but the person drinking it, .what some of these sober posters must be like after a few drinks makes me wonder, !, .this is leaning towards critisising a smokers debate, .ive noticed before there are lot of drinkers on this forum, and i dont have any problem with that whatsoever, i drink my self but i do know when to stop although i dont get stroppy and abusive, make love not war is my motto ( please pm for phone number ! )

[GuestHouse]

I am a reformed drunk and understand why you would find the behavior so appaling.

I also suspect that your low tolerance for the behavior is likely more to do with fear than anything else.

Fear is I am sure one of the reasons why I and many others do not like being around drunks, but I think it is more than just fear.

Alcohol acts to remove inhibitions people do not become violent because they are drunk, the are by nature violent and the alcohol removes the self control that prevents them being violent under normal non-drunk circumstances.

But violence is not the only problem, the un-predictable behavior behavior of drunks is discomforting and perhaps frightening added to which drunks very often transgress the social rules and 'personal space' - This may be physical, or verbal or simply behavior that goes beyond what is acceptable.

Now while I agree that it is perhaps a good idea for someone working (caring for) people suffering with alcoholism to learn more about addiction, and I'm sure it would be of help to anyone in a committed relationship with an alcoholic to likewise get themselves educated on their partner's problem. I think its absolutely wrong to expect the rest of us to fit around an alcoholic's problems.

[clivemh]

Hi I live in Patters, with my g/f, I was a driving instructor for 18 yrs so never got drunk as it was my livelyhood, I still very rarely get pissed,but I found it was my g/f's friends making her into an alcoholic, they would come round whilst I was at work armed with bottles of whiskey and beer ,while she would prepare food, this is all normal for Thais. Then on another day it would be the opposite, I told her she was an alcoholic if she had to have alcohol everyday, and I didn't need an alcoholic for a future wife!

The solution is she has dry days, as many as possible, and it seems to be working when she only drinks at weekends.

You see alcoholics are very good at hiding details, and she needed more whiskey as time went on to get her pissed, and when I came home she would be sucking on a sweet, to disguise her breath smell, but if you look in their eyes they don't lie.

I do believe she is starting to dry out a bit, because she knows if she gets worse then there is a chance we will finish.

I am not vain, but I know acohol is a drug, and drugs are addictive, and taken for long enough have detremental effects on you and those around you.

Edited January 27, 2008 by clivemh

[garro]

I am a reformed drunk and understand why you would find the behavior so appaling.

I also suspect that your low tolerance for the behavior is likely more to do with fear than anything else.

Fear is I am sure one of the reasons why I and many others do not like being around drunks, but I think it is more than just fear.

Alcohol acts to remove inhibitions people do not become violent because they are drunk, the are by nature violent and the alcohol removes the self control that prevents them being violent under normal non-drunk circumstances.

But violence is not the only problem, the un-predictable behavior behavior of drunks is discomforting and perhaps frightening added to which drunks very often transgress the social rules and 'personal space' - This may be physical, or verbal or simply behavior that goes beyond what is acceptable.

Now while I agree that it is perhaps a good idea for someone working (caring for) people suffering with alcoholism to learn more about addiction, and I'm sure it would be of help to anyone in a committed relationship with an alcoholic to likewise get themselves educated on their partner's problem. I think its absolutely wrong to expect the rest of us to fit around an alcoholic's problems.

My point is that as drunking behavior bothers the OP so much, and he the fact that he seems to be around them a lot, that he either learn more about the condition or avoid them. I'm not expecting the 'rest of us' to fit around the problem. In the same way as I would recommend that someone who was spending time around people with any other health-related problem learn about it. This prevents misunderstanding and ignorance and may reduce the fear that people like the OP feel.

So while it may be 'absolutely wrong' for 'the rest of us' to fit around people with problems. A little compassion and understanding can be of great help for those who have close contact with people who are unwell.