Have You Become A Recluse/hermit

[TheDon]

I think all Farangs over 60 are pretty much hermits, well they look like hermits

[PaddyThai]

Most interesting post.

I agree with he point made earlier that you could have just as many friends in your homeland as here.

I expect, if you lived in small town in rural Thailand you would more likely befriend the local Farangs you would see in the market etc.

You may not have so much in common or particularly like each other initially but for language and cultural reasons you would probably meet up from time to time.

I have yet to retire to thailand, but this thread has made me think how much I will miss my friends and acquantences.

[lioness]

I spent the first few years in Thailand with my Thai partner, at that stage I couldn't speak Thai nor he English. I didn't know any Falang. I managed just fine as most times I like my own peace and am happy with my own company.

However I met an American guy and his Thai wife, then he introduced me to a Welshman also with a Thai wife, now we all meet up once a week and we just talk and talk and then talk some more. We can all speak to our Thai partners of course, but there is something special about being with people who see the funny side of things the same way you do, relate to things as you do and so on. This couple of hours a week is something I look forward to.

And if my American friend is reading this I do want to say how very much I value your friendship.

[pampal]

I am a bit of a loner usually, but living in BKK has made me more social, if that means anything

[geronimo]

When I said good-bye to the west and moved to asia 15 yrs ago, I started to become more and more of a loner. Back in the west, I had a full, complete circle of friends, I mean friends that you can trust.

Since I've been here, in 15 yrs, I have only had a hand full of friends that I can really trust...counting Thai as well as falang, and the numbers are dwindling as some leave, some die, and some screw up.

I've noticed that good trusted friends are hard to find over here.....why is that?? are we all over here to 'escape' contact?

An old timer expat friend once said tio me when i first arrived that' you're completely on your own over here in asia' and it seems that he spoke the truth.

Do others feel the same??? has your circle of real friends [not aquaitences, drinking buddies or people you just meet for a short time] shrunk to just a hand full [at most]???

I've been here for 23 years and I have two western "friends". Of course I know a lot of Thai people but not enough to call them friends. Yes I have become a recluse but in a way I prefer it that way.

[Naam]

I think all Farangs over 60 are pretty much hermits, well they look like hermits

you must have seen me when i crossed my property line because of an appointment with my dentist

[uptou]

I find this is where the used singha bottles come in handy,If you want to go for a pee,you dont even have to leave the armchair.

[Naam]

after retiring from a hectic professional career years ago i found it quite relaxing to live a "reclused" life, i still enjoy that kind of life style and have no intention to change it. once in a while Mrs Naam is staging a small revolution. then i take her out of the house and the country for a week (we are presently in Macau) and that's it for some months to come

You've taken your wife to Macau for a holiday and you're posting on Thaivisa - what's wrong with this picture!

why should there be something wrong? Hotel Venetian, nice suite, broadband connection, my lap top, half a bottle of portwine Mrs Naam occupying the bathroom for hours , television boring, result = reading and posting on Thaivisa.

Ahh a perfect way to recluse. That Port sure sounds good -have a sweet vacation!!!

the good times are over Beardog. we returned last night and Mrs Naam holds the key to the bar... if you know what i mean

[advice]

very good replies on this thread, I was impressed by the responses... nice to see nice people, discussing real issues.

I have read this whole thread (by myself! ) and it strikes me that many of us are in the same boat.

I like to be reclusive, I have always been that way, but like to go out and mingle and have a laugh when i can make the effort.

Asia is definately a lonely place if your a foreigner, but the same would work the other way.

I like my own space, my own life, but would definately like to find a few friends that do more than drink and bar hop. Its the same ole same ole and that is pretty boring..

Anyway down to The Beer Garden for the usual oohs and arhhs....

[Shuddee]

I've always had a close circle of no more than five or six friends...all throughout school and college. When my working life began back home, I maintained some of these friendships and found some new ones. Now, I think the issue for me is, mostly, how do I know who I'm with? I mean, it's all just so multicultural and multinational...which can be good. But how do I know if what this farang says about him/herself is the truth, concerning their history, education, background, etc.?

It's a matter of trust for me. I still maintain my friendships back home via the Internet, and I'm always willing to give my fellow farang a hand in directions or telling my story about here. Sometimes, however, I just prefer to be amongst Thais only, and dammit, that wish that I knew the language better almost always creeps in when I begin to mingle.

[Orangutan]

It's great being in Bangkok "on the under", and discovering other people who are also reclusive and just enjoy a more solitary lifestyle. I think that their are a lot of retired guys living here who were use to being active working/deals, and now live a mundane life...some guys are happy with that.

I don't think Thailand is a lonely place, but you can be alone if you want...for me it depends on what mood I'm in.

Yes after living here a few years I get tired of the same ole s__t!

-O

[AnotherATM]

I'm slow today

Yeah! I thought he meant alcoholics anonymous as well.

[Marvo]

Maybe social laziness steers me towards being a little reclusive. The plain fact is, I just feel allergic to the shallowness I frequently find in aquaintances I make and the relationship stays at just that - an aquaintance.

I love the sentiment and sincerety expressed by everyone in this thread though. Hey, we all sound like the great, interesting, deep, spiritual bunch of guys and gals that we've all we been waiting to meet all our lives. We should all get together for a group hug.

Welcome back from the hols Naam btw, it hardly felt like you were away .

[TheDon]

Ive seen plently of old farangs who have developed invisible friends.

[peppersasen]

Sawasdee... I actually joined this forum after finding this thread. I had no idea that being an expat could lead to reclusion. I hope it's not against the rules to post on old threads in this forum (because sometimes it is on other forums). But isn't being a recluse supposed to be voluntary? Your involuntary reclusion just seems like an unfortunate side-effect of being a farang, not because you're actually trying to avoid something. I read through the thread and it sounds like some of you would actually like to have a wider social circle (just that your spouse doesn't get along with someone you get along, and so on).

I am a voluntary recluse avoiding a society I dislike. I only leave the house to meet friends I trust (I have also become very picky with who I hang out nowadays--last year I hung out with a shallow bunch, this year I sail with a more mature crowd). I haven't been one for long, but I am enjoying my first day of hermithood today.

[JAFO]

Interesting thread for sure, I never saw it but really is a good one. I have been here for awhile and I think it is fair to say that when you come here you are alone(Unless you come over under a companies umbrella and the family is in tow).

I chose to move here after I had completed an assignment. I really like it here. It has been a challenge. I will honestly state that it is very difficult at times to meet quality people(Foreigners). I have met a few but they generally seem to harbor serious anger towards their previous spouses in the US, relentlessly bag on Thai's and the country and either were or have become heavy drinkers or have mental health issues. I would say of the dozen or so foreigners I have met only 1 or 2 are level headed and we talk on and off. The rest I no longer talk with.

I was fortunate that in my 2 year assignment I did make some very good Thai friends and find I associate more with them. They have been very helpful in assisting me get my Thai Car and Motorcycle drivers license, a motorcycle legitimately in my name, a condo in my name etc. The downside I had to work around their schedules as they work and I do not so I am left to my own means to get around. But for me that's why I am here, to learn, enjoy myself and relax. I have been dating a very nice Thai woman I met 6 months back and this has opened up an entire new circle of friends and activities. We go many places together and she enjoys showing me cultural things, temples and new places I can go.

Answering the OP question, I do not find myself a recluse or a hermit but definitely living a far different social life then I did in the US. Is it all bad, Absolutely not!!!!!. Does it have moments where you wish you could share a few moments or an evening with a few of your friends you left back home, Sure. I think it is healthy. I usually pick up a phone and just shoot them a call. They are always very happy to hear from me and want to know what I am up to as we already know whats happening in the US.

[OlafStapleton]

When I said good-bye to the west and moved to asia 15 yrs ago, I started to become more and more of a loner. Back in the west, I had a full, complete circle of friends, I mean friends that you can trust.

Since I've been here, in 15 yrs, I have only had a hand full of friends that I can really trust...counting Thai as well as falang, and the numbers are dwindling as some leave, some die, and some screw up.

I've noticed that good trusted friends are hard to find over here.....why is that?? are we all over here to 'escape' contact?

An old timer expat friend once said tio me when i first arrived that' you're completely on your own over here in asia' and it seems that he spoke the truth.

Do others feel the same??? has your circle of real friends [not aquaitences, drinking buddies or people you just meet for a short time] shrunk to just a hand full [at most]???

As you life go down toilet, you trust other person less and in return become less trusted.

More to do with you outlook on life than anyone else.

Back in old country I get wife, wife dispose of all my friend, replace with her friend

Wife leave, take all her friend back, leave me with none.

Best to keep wife and friend apart for good life.

Come to Thailand

I visit same soy many time each week, have more friend here than ever.

Sit down and soon friend surround me, some I not know but soon friend, talk to everyone man and woman.

Some I trust, some I don't trust.

Must always keep some time for wife and family but some time for friend not mix up.

Edited July 27, 2011 by OlafStapleton

[simon43]

I've generally been happy with my own company - I can maintain educated and interesting conversation at any time of the day or night

One of my hobbies (amateur radio) would normally lend itself to making many new friends on the airwaves. Alas - not in Thailand! Although I speak reasonably good Thai, almost every time that I attempt a conversation with other Thai radio amateurs on the VHF band, they accuse me of being a pirate operator, because they erronously believe that only Thais are allowed to obtain Thai radio amateur licences...

So I tend to shun the VHF band and use my shortwave rigs to widen my circle of radio friends by chatting with other 'hams' in places like Japan/Australia etc

Anyway - since there seem to be quite a few of us recluses here in LoS, perhaps we should organise a 'meet-up'? (although I guess no-one will want to attend...)

Simon

[lovelomsak]

I think I have been a bit of a recluse for years. Lived alone,travelled alone.Its lonely sometimes but safe.

I chose Thailand as a very good place for a recluse. I can be alone and still have everything at my finger tips. Money takes care of everything here.No need to ask or give favors.

[phomsanuk]

Been here 10 yrs, can count my "friends" on one hand.

[Tonto21]

Yes, I agree with the OP, I think as we get older having one or two friends is a luxury not many have….And I mean friends, not someone yousee once in a blue moon down the pub.

I think I'm lucky, I like my own company, sometimes the G/F, (bless her) can't fill that need for a blokes night out……With a good mate, she has half a shandy and falls into a coma.

I think meeting other farang, (in my experience) and forming even a common understanding is not easy…..Farang don't trust farang. I have had few email contacts about mountain biking, (people contacting me) as soon as I mention If they ever fancy having a ride in Mea Taeng I would be happy to show them some fantastic trails…….They stop talking to me!.....................What did I say? Did I give off unwittingly some gay code for bring the KY?

I think its ironic back home, (UK) finding mates was never a problem……Women, well I think most men after the age of around 40 could just not be assed to go through all that <deleted>, women want a man to go though. You know ask a woman what she wants in a man..<deleted> me! It will be a phonebook size novel…. Ask a man what he wants in a woman, more than not, he'll be over the moon if she turns up in the buff with a pizza and a 6 pack of cold beer…..Job done. Thailand, women are everywhere, just pull one of the street…….It's the guys, (farang) you have to watch what you say too….Bunch of hormonal flaks, show boats and BS artists. Of course this character assassination does not apply to TV subscribers…We are ALL victims.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Tonto21

[Thongkorn]

People can be hermits in a City , They never speak to any one or acknowledge anyone, and you can be lonely in a crowd, State of mind i think.

[Trembly]

Without thinking too hard about it I'd say that I've always been able to count my true friends on one hand wherever I've lived.

I don't think that it is necessarily to do with the fact that I've always had a hearty appreciation of solitude.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Trembly

[KeyserSoze01]

After a lifetime of background noise, friends, family and associates all wanting a piece of me, I thoroughly enjoy living in a country where I know no one and don't speak the language. Once I learn the language, the blush will be off the rose and the background noise starts again. Most expats I have met in various countries all have skeletons rattling around in their closets and / or are running away from something. I choose my friends very carefully. Acquaintances are a different story.

[ozsamurai]

Let me pre-cursor this by saying I am only in my early 40's and have been an expat for near on 25yrs, the first 20 in Japan and now LOS. Now the Japanese are in general MUCH friendlier than the Thai people, courteous and it is a safe place in general, but, even with all this in its favor, after the 10yr mark, like a lot of long-timers, you get tired of the transient nature of friends. You make efforts to establish a bond, and eventually they move back to Scotland or something. You just give up as slowly you get older and no longer match the age group of those new faces. Being established in a foreign country with a foreign language you have mastered means that a great deal of the fresh meat' will only provide a distraction rather than a good friend, there is only so many times you can help people move, get a bank account, buy a PC, furniture etc before it becomes a chore.

To me the biggest contributing factor to my hermitage has been the weather, I'm Aussie, country bred, I can take the heat, but Thailand is uncomfortable to me... period. It de-motivates me to even go to the supermarket, knowing I'll be sweating like a pig carrying kids, groceries et al. Hardly what you would call a break from sitting at home in the AC watching cable and living vicariously through TV. People of my age are a rare find anyway if I do make the effort, and more baggage comes with them than I care to handle. I'd still give it a go, but how fun would a hermit gathering be?

Oz

[David006]

<br />I have a lot more trusted friends here. Mainly due to quitting drinking and joining AA.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

Neeranam, I don't think that you should count people who you pay to fix your car as trusted friends.

:clap2: :clap2:

must admit took me a few secs...lol

[Ulysses G.]

I have been lucky. I met a few good guys when I first got here and we have traveled and partied and been through thick and thin together. We still get together for meals frequently 20 years later.

[IMA_FARANG]

Yes, maybe but it doesn't bother me.

For one thing I have always been a rather independent type person, in that I live "internally"...in my mind...rather than "externally"...in someone else' opinions and views.

Also, all my working life I was working outside my home country (the U.S.) often where I didn't speak the local language...so being retired now, and being here in Thailand and speaking only very limited Thai is not a new experience to me.

So it is all "just the way I am" for me now.

[tartempion]

That's exactly why I moved to a lost Thai village.

I live here with my Thai wife, dogs, books and internet.

We travel a lot, say 6x/year from 3 days to 3 weeks away.

I don't need friends, Thai or farang alike.

In a previous life as a management consultant I helped several hundred companies and discussed problems with a thousand directors, VP's, CEO's.

Only a handful where decent people, 5 out of 1.000. What a shame.

Thus no regrets I left all that behind

[JAFO]

Lots of good feedback from folks. There is no right or wrong. we are each different.

I too do not need a "circle of friends" to keep me alive, I can do things alone without any issue. In fact a lot of things I enjoying doing alone, fishing, riding my sport bike to name a few. I do not drink very often so I have no need for bar buddies. Meeting the gal I am dating has been extremely fun. There is a lot to see and lots to do and I like not being in a daily rut. My parents did that. It was actually quite sad. They trapped themselves into a rigid daily routine and became the miserable "bickersons". I will avoid that at all costs. It does sneak up on you. Pretty soon your are grumpy all the time and want to go nowhere or do anything.

I have always been an extremely active guy. Here I still mountain bike ride, moto ride, fish, travel, go to gym 3 to 4 times a week. I spend very little time on the internet and never "game" as I have watched many a friend or acquaintance become addicted to it like drinking or cigs etc. For some it may work and that's quite fine.

In an interesting way, a hermit meet up might be kind of fun and funny.