Wife Beater

[drunken monkey]

Hi guys and girls

I was sitting outside my house the other day, and this lady comes running down the street crying her eyes out. She runs in to my neighbours house, and about 2-3 minutes later, her husband came and punched her straight in the face. I dont know if he broke her nose, but it was bleeding badly. He then grabbed her by the hair and started pulling her back down the street again.

Had this been back home I would have stopped it, no doubt.

But here I really dont know if I should mind my own bussiness, or interfere.

Does anybody have some advise or similar experiences??????

This is a serious thread so save the jokes to another thread, thanks

the monkey

[350torana]

The behaviour of the wife beater is terrible . No doubt in the west he would be in serious sh$t . But, unfortunatly, this is not the west. As harsh as it might sound, don't interfere and walk the other way for your own safety

[french fannies]

Don't get involved.

[igotworms]

Better to call the police anonymously...any intervention on that situation could have brought you upon a concealed weapon of some sort. That's defintely a shitty situation.

[Nam Kao]

All the men on my soi beat their wives, Its just part of the culture.

My wife didnt want to marry me after she saw me hitting a heavy bag.

She said "You kill me 100%" I said dont worry - me no box wife.

[taxexile]

best not to get involved , in may this year i went to the aid of a woman being beaten with a 2x4 outside my wifes house in bangkok , thinking i was being the gallant gentleman, the hero, james bond and rambo.

i ended up looking like mr. bean !!

turns out the guy doing the beating was the local mafia/fixer/thug from our soi and the woman had come into the neighbourhood to sell drugs. the thug beating her was protecting his territory. he operates with full knowledge and protection of the police.

he wanted to have me done over and only intervention by my wifes family and a grovelling apology by myself spared me from a beating or worse.

things are not what they seem in thailand and when in doubt my advice would unfortunately be to always turn a blind eye.

[kitty]

As much as i hate to say it as if it was me i would want help....

don't get involved...

1. The woman will proberly kill you for trying to give her fella a beating

2. He'd proberly kill you

3. Either way you'd be on for some sort of shit..

On Koh Phangan i was in my bungalow at 4am when i heard the most awful screams....

i thought a kid was being chased by kids but sat nervously on the bed...they continued and sounded like a woman was being murdered. I'd never heard anything like it in my life, dressed in only a bikini and only being small i ran as fast as i could to the screams,luckily my neighbour came out to(a massive muscle man), we ran to the bunglaow the scream came from....i jumped up and looked into the window, a thai girl was being shoved hard onto the bed ,cut on face,screaming and looking petrified...I ran to the door knocked as hard as i could...at this point steve the muscle man hides behind the bungalow

........LUCKILY for me the guy was an ozzy not a thai...i shouted at him,(and steve to come out from behind the bungalow)calmed the situation and found out she was a prozzy, he'd lost (whatever)200baht and was saying she took it,when he searched her he found a little flick knife...i talked to her(she was hysterical) and she promised she not take,i honestly thought he was being a dick, waking the whole neighbourhood and showing he was with and hurting a prostitute for a neasly 200baht...i took her out,told him he was a knob,he said he'd get her killed and took a picture of her....i've never felt someone shake so violently, she looked young and cute like it was her first time...i walked her to the end of the road and helped her get a cab..

...I then realised i was in my bikini and promptly ran back to my room...

Incase your thinking...."and?"

Well if i'd of looked in that window and seen 2 thai's i would have thought twice about getting involved............definatly.

[britmaveric]

Stay away from this problem only bound to cause yourself grief. Domestics are messy, only way I would get involved if it smacked me in the face.

[SoCal]

Stay away from this problem only bound to cause yourself grief. Domestics are messy, only way I would get involved if it smacked me in the face.

How can one always be sure it is "domestic?"

I guess it is the safe and recomended thing to turn a blind eye to rape as well?

Just trying to see where you "men" draw your lines.

[chonabot]

Even though I can see the logic behind the posters syaing " Look the other way etc"

I'm afraid that this mechanism is not in my make up. I was brought up by my parents to NOT look the other way. I understand the Thai ways fairly well and realise their way is different , but I couldn't just walk away. I have witnessed a few altercations like the ones above and have intervened each time. I'm still around.

These are the things that define us as people , men or women.

Peace

[Goat Roper]

Stay away from this problem only bound to cause yourself grief. Domestics are messy, only way I would get involved if it smacked me in the face. 

How can one always be sure it is "domestic?"

I guess it is the safe and recomended thing to turn a blind eye to rape as well?

Just trying to see where you "men" draw your lines.

Yep, steer clear of these kinds of things here in LOS, a few years back my wife and I were walking across a saphan loy(road bridge) and right in the middle of the bridge there was a guy kicking the shit out of a girl with about four onlookers standing by, I grabbed the guys arm, pulled him off and tried to calm him down when two of the onlookers(guys) grabbed me from behind and tried to take me down, I finally got away with no damage but my wife was told in no uncertain terms that this was none of the farangs(me) business and that the guys wife (who was getting her ass kicked) had stolen money from him to gamble with, nope won't do that again. Thai language has a word for what I did, don't know the Thai spelling but phonetically the word is "Seuak"

[chonabot]

Agree totally , you tried to intervene and were "discouraged" from doing so.

The next time it may be a totally different scenario though...

ps I always avoid suphan loy for this reason

[britmaveric]

SoCal- tough call mate and you need to size situations up on a case by case basis. If a lady was calling for help I doubt I would deny the call, just need to be more than careful in Asia when a situation like this occurs.

[Goat Roper]

Agree totally , you tried to intervene and were "discouraged" from doing so.

The next time it may be a totally different scenario though...

ps I always avoid suphan loy for this reason

Not sure there will be a next time for me, at least I sure hope not. It is difficult to "walk on by", ones instincts and upbringing tend to kick in but this could get you killed or maimed here in the LOS. I think I'll let someone else sort the next one out.

[SoCal]

Hey Chon- same as you, just can't sit back. Same goes for a parent smacking the tar out of their kids. That to me is worse than a woman.

Brit- wasn't aimed directly at you, but just in general.

Like Chon, just can't stand back and watch, or turn away. That said, I am 6'3" 240lbs, and still cautious about how I go about it, as it all doesn't matter when looking down the barrel of a gun.

[Goat Roper]

Make no mistake guys, intervening here is dangerous business and ones physical size does not matter.

[britmaveric]

Goat- know what u mean seen some small Thai(s) kick the sh^te out of some really big lads.

[Dickie]

Do nothing, it's a domestic.

[chanchao]

There's a limit though... Like I totally understand beating your wife when it's absolutely called for. In fact in some cases to NOT get physical with your significant other after she pulled some stunt she could even explain as you not caring about her!! (Think about that for a second before putting in the obvious reply that violence is always wrong no matter what).

But there's a limit of course, like long before she gets seriously hurt you've kind of made your point. Someone should do something BEFORE someone gets seriously hurt, as in requiring hospitalization. Doesn't anyone ever see Thais defuse a situation? Of course they're mostly Thais who understand the situation and understand the reason for the argument, but they DO make attempts to calm things down. (And this is rarely by physically stopping the guy; if the crowd gets to large then the loss of face also increases.. I guess if you don't understand the reason for the fight, and don't understand how to calm things down in Thai, then best not to get involved. )

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Ijustwannateach]

I disagree with you, Chanchao- I don't think beating is ever a good solution, and if someone regards getting attacked as a sign that their spouse cares I think that person needs psychological help, not reinforcement of their problems.

Anyway, I'm afraid I agree with most of the posters on the thread- don't get involved. Asians have a long history of keeping what are perceived as family matters IN the family. Even to need to go outside the family (to a hospital for mental health care, for example) is a loss of face. Get involved in this sort of situation even as a local, much less a foreigner, and you're putting yourself downstream of some big doodoo.

Once in Japan I saw a guy acting kinda rough with a woman in a public subway station... and I groaned to myself because I was about to go on vacation (flying out the next day!) and I didn't want to do anything that would inevitably get me put into the clink for a few days (since it's always the foreigner's fault there in a conflict situation). Naturally, everyone else was pretending not to see anything at all. So I followed them a little and glared at the guy, Japanese style- out of the corner of my eye. I finally decided that I would wait until I saw if the woman was trying to get away, and if she could and she didn't take the opportunity, it was her own problem- but that if tried and the guy wouldn't let her go, I'd have to say/do something. Fortunately for my vacation, but not for the woman, she collapsed sobbing onto the floor next to a ticket machine while the guy went off to buy something at a kiosk. If she'd really needed to get away she could have. That's the closest I've come to getting involved in a domestic spat in Asia.

"Steven"

[The Wizards Sleeve]

Its hard to know what to do for the best. As with most of the people on here i think its best not to get involved but only recently after my friend left my house one evening he saw a guy on a motorcycle beating a women and didn't get involved. It turned out that the guy had tried to grab her handbag and she had resisted and he was beating her to get her off him.

[Storekeeper]

I haven't experienced this yet and don't look forward to seeing an event like one of these. It's gotta be difficult to be brought up one way and end up being in a country where the best choice may be to look the other way. I'd probably really feel like a slug if I turned my head and the woman ended up killed. Great thread.

[sbk]

It is a really tough call. If you live in the country like I do, usually the neighbors or the woman's family will intervene (often the fear of the woman's family will keep any abusive guy in line too) In the city so many people are transitory so they don't have that support system to fall back on.

No woman "deserves" to be hit (nor does a man or a child) and certainly no healthy woman thinks her man 'loves her more" because he hits her.

I guess, if it looked like it was escalating and nobody was intervening, I would call the police.

[tuky]

Surely Chanchao is taking the p1ss!!!

Violence never solves anything, just compounds the problem.

[Mikey7]

Cannot believe anyone would suggest that beating a woman is acceptable. Whether you think they deserve it or not it is a wholly unfair contest. IOf you feel the need to fight, pick on someone your own size you wimps. As for becoming involved it might be a good idea to ask the local policeman what you should do before you are faced with the situation. There are some who will say mind your business and some who will tell you to call them. Just depends on the local attitude of the individual policeman. If he tells you to mind your business and you don't it means you will be getting involved ithout local support which can be extremely dangerous for you as well as the person you are trying to help.

[chanchao]

> Surely Chanchao is taking the p1ss!!!

> Violence never solves anything, just compounds the problem.

Well it worked on my dog?

Ok I'm slightly taking the P, but when a person displays completely unacceptable behaviour that's dangerous to herself and/or to others, then action is required beyond "Is there something you want to talk about, honey?" I've experienced this with an ex-girlfriend, and ultimately this is part fo the reason she's ex.

Example: She's locked herself in a room, has a knife or some other dangerous object and is threatening to cut herself. This is your cue to kick in the door, forcefully remove the knife and shake her violently and provide some kind of shock/impulse that will hopefully bring her back to reason. A bucket of water would be just as effective as a slap somewhere, but in these cases you tend not to have a bucket of water handy.

It's kind of the same with hitting kids: I don't approve of hitting kids either, but when a kid KNOWS he should not run across the road without looking (or even go near it, for that matter), or play with fire, etc, etc. then a correction MUST follow, either physically or otherwise. Note that many parents who 'never hit kids' then resort to 'other' punitive measures that may very well turn out to be more cruel, and not immediate. (Locking a kid into his room, lengthy denial of normal priviledges (playing, etc.) Personally I think immediate physical punishment is better, followed by a good discussions of the reasons for this.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[chanchao]

Then again, I don't have kids yet so I may change my opinion on this when I do. And hitting the missus (or she hitting me, for that matter) has not happened in years, since she went off the Diane-35 pills.

[Khun Larry]

All the men on my soi beat their wives, Its just part of the culture.

Seems that way.

If you do anything he will come back with 10 additional cowards and kick your ass fair and square.

[chanchao]

> Cannot believe anyone would suggest that beating a woman is acceptable.

> Whether you think they deserve it or not it is a wholly unfair contest.

> I Of you feel the need to fight, pick on someone your own size you wimps.

Winning a fight or causing her harm is not the point. Preventing more serious bodily harm to either herself or to others is. Say you have an argument. Both of you are very emotional. Then she grabs the car keys and wants to drive away, most likely in a most unsafe (to herself and others) way. It is your DUTY to not let that happen, whatever it takes.

Suppose because of your rule of 'not hitting your wife' you let her proceed, as she's doing it out of her own free choice to drive away. Then I'll bet you that by inaction you've just escalated the situation because she WILL accuse you of not caring enough about her to physically stop her from doing something dangerous. And you know what, she'd be right.

Welcome to Thailand.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[chanchao]

A couple of years ago I witnessed a guy hitting and physically restraining a woman, presumably his wife/girlfriend. She was ATTEMPTING TO RUN INTO A BUSY HIGHWAY, in a (mocked?) "suicide" attempt. Mocked or not, that was such highly dangerous and unacceptable behaviour that in my opinion the guy handled the situation admirably. In the end she calmed down and they left together. 10/10 score in my book. He did not aggrevate the situation by hitting her, he showed her he cared and did the right thing.