An Alzheimer's Poem

[villagefarang]

An Alzheimer's Poem

Not everybody reads the blogs so hope you don't mind my posting this is the forums. Thought there might be others dealing with the same thing.

Mother, Mother can't you see ...

Mother, Mother can't you see, the stranger before you is really me?

Your second son, the distant one.

I have traveled so far to see your face, please don't deny your loving embrace.

Have read all about it and understand your condition, still can't help looking for some sign of recognition.

If I could peer into your troubled mind, I can't help but wonder what I would find?

Is my dear Mother hiding somewhere, or is there nothing behind that stare?

I've heard it called the long goodbye, for me it's just a terrible way to die.

Pain and pills, depression and despair, after living a good life it just isn't fair.

I know you don't mean to hurt those around you, but the pain we all feel would surely astound you.

Father is doing the best that he can, but he's not a saint, he is merely a man.

My visits are often extended from six weeks to six months, while the rest of the family is hard pressed to manage six days, even once.

Ideas and suggestions of what I should do, all things I've thought of and nothing new.

My dear Father is an archetypal old fashion male, getting him to do anything is a very hard sale.

I'm under pressure to get more done, but he is the Father and I the second son.

Mistakes we have made opportunities missed, all written down would make a very long list.

Perhaps life's entrance is meant to hurt, a poignant reminder we are all headed for dirt.

We think of our bodies as strong when they're frail, no matter how one lives in the end our systems simply fail.

Writing today has led me to weep, reminded what we sow is what we will reap.

Let passion and love fill your life everyday, be bold and live well don't let fear get in the way.

[BigSnake]

TOUCHING

[TEFLMike]

An Alzheimer's Poem

Not everybody reads the blogs so hope you don't mind my posting this is the forums. Thought there might be others dealing with the same thing.

Mother, Mother can't you see ...

Mother, Mother can't you see, the stranger before you is really me?

Your second son, the distant one.

I have traveled so far to see your face, please don't deny your loving embrace.

Have read all about it and understand your condition, still can't help looking for some sign of recognition.

If I could peer into your troubled mind, I can't help but wonder what I would find?

Is my dear Mother hiding somewhere, or is there nothing behind that stare?

I've heard it called the long goodbye, for me it's just a terrible way to die.

Pain and pills, depression and despair, after living a good life it just isn't fair.

I know you don't mean to hurt those around you, but the pain we all feel would surely astound you.

Father is doing the best that he can, but he's not a saint, he is merely a man.

My visits are often extended from six weeks to six months, while the rest of the family is hard pressed to manage six days, even once.

Ideas and suggestions of what I should do, all things I've thought of and nothing new.

My dear Father is an archetypal old fashion male, getting him to do anything is a very hard sale.

I'm under pressure to get more done, but he is the Father and I the second son.

Mistakes we have made opportunities missed, all written down would make a very long list.

Perhaps life's entrance is meant to hurt, a poignant reminder we are all headed for dirt.

We think of our bodies as strong when they're frail, no matter how one lives in the end our systems simply fail.

Writing today has led me to weep, reminded what we sow is what we will reap.

Let passion and love fill your life everyday, be bold and live well don't let fear get in the way.

I think those are wonderful words

[Naam]

a most beautiful poem Villagefarang, although it drove tears into my eyes thinking of my beloved mother-in-law. thanks for sharing!

[villagefarang]

Thanks a lot guys! Your responses are greatly appreciated.

[sylviex]

Must be extremely difficult and painful for all of your family.

I strongly believe the option of euthanasia should be available to all of us.

Edited April 6, 2008 by sylviex

[rak sa_ngop]

I scanned a few lines but decided it was too distressing for me to read the whole poem, especially on a Sunday afternoon.

Thanks anyway.

[FBN]

An Alzheimer's Poem

Not everybody reads the blogs so hope you don't mind my posting this is the forums. Thought there might be others dealing with the same thing.

You're right; few people read blogs!

Your kind words to mine has been an inspiration as well; I did read this one!!

Thanks..

[villagefarang]

You're right; few people read blogs!

Your kind words to mine has been an inspiration as well; I did read this one!!

Thanks..

Perhaps one needs to be sober and have an attention span longer than thirty seconds to read a blog. Not much we can do about that, however. Thanks for reading.

[villagefarang]

Must be extremely difficult and painful for all of your family.

I strongly believe the option of euthanasia should be available to all of us.

Not sure how euthanasia pertains to dementia in general, as these patients are not necessarily aware that there is anything wrong. In that case it would most certainly not be their choice. It is the caregivers who suffer most so maybe you were talking about euthanizing us? Some days that can seem like a welcome option.

[villagefarang]

I scanned a few lines but decided it was too distressing for me to read the whole poem, especially on a Sunday afternoon.

Thanks anyway.

Sorry for nearly messing up your Sunday afternoon.

[Mosha]

We were lucky with dad. He never forgot who his kids were. My brothers wives were another matter. "Who is this tart?" was the oft asked question. Dad a brother and sister all died with Alzheimers. Luckily for my dad and his sister, the local health authority in Dewsbury West Yorkshire classified Alzhemers as a terminal illness, so we got help from the social services. We were told by the doctors that watching him deteriate would be like thinking of someone going down the stairs. They got that wrong. It was like someone jumping from the top step and landing at the foot of the stairs. A terrible illness and badly underfunded.

[villagefarang]

We were lucky with dad. He never forgot who his kids were. My brothers wives were another matter. "Who is this tart?" was the oft asked question. Dad a brother and sister all died with Alzheimers. Luckily for my dad and his sister, the local health authority in Dewsbury West Yorkshire classified Alzhemers as a terminal illness, so we got help from the social services. We were told by the doctors that watching him deteriate would be like thinking of someone going down the stairs. They got that wrong. It was like someone jumping from the top step and landing at the foot of the stairs. A terrible illness and badly underfunded.

Thanks for sharing. Every story is different in the details but the suffering is much the same. Sorry for your loss.

[sylviex]

QUOTE (sylviex @ 2008-04-06 15:02:28) Must be extremely difficult and painful for all of your family.

I strongly believe the option of euthanasia should be available to all of us.

Not sure how euthanasia pertains to dementia in general, as these patients are not necessarily aware that there is anything wrong. In that case it would most certainly not be their choice. It is the caregivers who suffer most so maybe you were talking about euthanizing us? Some days that can seem like a welcome option.

Some patients are anxious/depressed/frightened much of the time.

However, I was thinking that I wished we could all, while healthy, be able to request that we be euthanased if ever diagnosed with terminal illness/ Alzheimer's disease / other specified diseases or conditions.

One of the main reasons would be the wish to spare the family from suffering and expense, and free them to move on with their own lives.

[Scott]

Thanks.

[LaoPo]

Thanks a lot guys! Your responses are greatly appreciated.

Thank you, for sharing this beautiful Poem with us !

Alzheimer is a terrible disease not just for the patient, for family and/or the caregiver(s) as well...

Caregivers often being the spouse or close familymember(s)...

LaoPo

[Mosha]

Before my Aunty had to be placed in care, she no longer knew who her husband was. When the family tried to persuade her she got really crafty, and used to plat along. I think she thought they had lost the plot. They all wenyto to Howarth, my cousin kept saying"

"Yoü know who this is, don't you mum?"

"Of course it's Clifford, your dad."

Later in Howarth Clifford was going to a gift shop with his Son in law and grand daughter. My Aunty said

"You know June it's not right."

"What's not right mum"

"That bloke with Bill, he's got Clifford's best suit on"

You learn to laugh at the memories, although some of the things dad did I can laugh at. 2 memories still hurt 11 years after his passing. 1 is the last day I had dad living at home with me. I was married but seeking a divorce, so was looking after him alone, while holding down a job. The other memory is a matter of hours before he died. He was fighting for every breath. "Help me Stephen" were his last words to me. I have never felt so useless in my life. Typing this has even brought tears to my eyes.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Thanks for sharing. It sure is a bastard of an affliction.

[LaoPo]

I strongly believe the option of euthanasia should be available to all of us.

I fully agree.

Hugo Claus, a brilliant Flemish novelist, poet, playwright, painter and film director chose to pass away with Euthanasia last month:

"Claus suffered from Alzheimer's disease and requested his life to be terminated through euthanasia at the Middelheim Ziekenhuis in Antwerp on March 19, 2008. Euthanasia is legal in Belgium." *

He knew it was a 'monster of a disease' and being so brilliant in writing and using words, he simply couldn't accept that his brain would not function anymore the way he wanted...

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Claus

If it would struck me, I'll opt for the same.

LaoPo

[Mosha]

I refuse to believe it is not hereditary. My dad and siblings forming my belief, that one of dad's kids may have it lurking in our future.

[villagefarang]

I refuse to believe it is not hereditary. My dad and siblings forming my belief, that one of dad's kids may have it lurking in our future.

I would agree with the hereditary part. My grandmother and her two daughters (my mother being one). The wife and I joke about just letting me roam the fields and letting some farmer throw me in the back of their truck and bring me home. Not sure I want to live that long, however. We joke about it now but know it will be awful when the time comes.

[Mosha]

When dad first went into hospital, they didn't have any room in the mental illness wards, so they stuck him in ward 10 at Dewsbury hospital. Unfortunately that is the post op recovery ward. On a night dad was cheerfullly trotting around the ward pulling drip feeds out. How he didn't kill someone We will never know.

[villagefarang]

Eighty seven now and slipping deeper into her disease, if that is possible. No wonder some have called it the long goodbye.

[eek]

I feel for you villagefarang. Over ten years ago my grandmother died, but I lost her years before from Alzheimers. Like most people, our family members did not want to put her in care, thinking it was wrong, but after taking turns to look after her we realised that we just were not capable of the care she needed. My grandmother was not docile, she was still physically strong, and with the illness she often became aggressive and abusive. I actually became frightened not just about what harm she could do to herself, but possible harm she could do to me. It was soul destroying actually. She wouldnt know what time of day it was and I would wake up to her screaming trying to get out the locked front door because in her mind she was trapped. Sometimes she would be so abusive, that with my lack of sleep and being worn out, the tears would just flow down my face. The next moment she would look at me and cup my face in her hand and ask who made me cry, thinking i was some girl she had just found. She would tell me gently not to worry and that i could come stay with her. Occasionally she would become lucid, remember. Although i wished for that, it was also hard, because she would be frightened, asking me whats going on. Id rush out a lot of words, only to lose her again half way through.

There were some wonderful moments though. Times she regressed, thinking she was a young girl again. She spoke to one of my family members as though speaking to her dad. She had a small voice and was swinging her skirt and acting coy. I never would have believed i could get to see my grandmother as she was when small. Moments like that will stay with me forever.

[eek]

Eighty seven now and slipping deeper into her disease, if that is possible. No wonder some have called it the long goodbye.

A Doctor once simply explained it to us that if you compare the brain to fairy lights...normally they are all on, but with Alzheimers the connections break. Some occasionally flicker on again, and thats why there is occasional lucidity. But over time the connections break off.

With all the research into Alzheimers, im hopeful for the future. I think its a terrible illness. Robing people and their families of many good years together.

I also dont believe its hereditary.

[lannaman]

Eighty seven now and slipping deeper into her disease, if that is possible. No wonder some have called it the long goodbye.

So sorry to hear this Villagefarang.

My mum died in '95 at the age of 85 after about 18 months in and out of this condition. Towards the end she was in it 95% of the time. My last visit to her was for about 3 weeks, she only knew me two days out of 20, so difficult for me to leave for LOS. Two weeks later she died. She spent her last four years in a home, and had the most excellent and understanding care.

So sad for this lovely and intelligent lady's life to end this way!

[lannarebirth]

It's a beautiful poem villagefarang, thank you.

Like most people, our family members did not want to put her in care, thinking it was wrong, but after taking turns to look after her we realised that we just were not capable of the care she needed. My grandmother was not docile, she was still physically strong, and with the illness she often became aggressive and abusive. I actually became frightened not just about what harm she could do to herself, but possible harm she could do to me. It was soul destroying actually. She wouldnt know what time of day it was and I would wake up to her screaming trying to get out the locked front door because in her mind she was trapped. Sometimes she would be so abusive, that with my lack of sleep and being worn out, the tears would just flow down my face. The next moment she would look at me and cup my face in her hand and ask who made me cry, thinking i was some girl she had just found. She would tell me gently not to worry and that i could come stay with her. Occasionally she would become lucid, remember. Although i wished for that, it was also hard, because she would be frightened, asking me whats going on. Id rush out a lot of words, only to lose her again half way through.

There were some wonderful moments though. Times she regressed, thinking she was a young girl again. She spoke to one of my family members as though speaking to her dad. She had a small voice and was swinging her skirt and acting coy. I never would have believed i could get to see my grandmother as she was when small. Moments like that will stay with me forever.

Thanks for that eek, I could have written it myself word for word. For the past 5 years my MIL, who stays with us, has been sliding deeper and deeper into the abyss that is Alzheimers. We can't find what we feel is appropriate care for her here, so we do it ourselves.

These past 2 months we have been remodeling our home to provide a safer environment and grandma has had to be admitted to a local care facility. The facility is adequate, and the people are compassionate but the protocol seems to be to overdrug the patients to keep them docile. That in addition to her very strong anti psychotic, anti impulse drugs she normally takes. It is heartwrenching and between our house being torn apart and the daily time at hospital my wife is as physically and emotionally strecthed as she has ever been.

[eek]

Im sorry to read that lannarebirth, and wish you all the best. I can imagine a little of what it must feel like. It must be very draining. Most importantly (imo) find ways to laugh. For me and family members that was our glue. It helped keep our sanity and relieve tension. Good luck with the remodelling, i hope all turns out well and that your MIL settles in well. Take care.

[villagefarang]

It is sad, but somehow reassuring, when others stories sound like your own. I guess it makes us feel less alone in the torturous abyss that is dementia. Lannaman, eek and lannarebirth, thanks for sharing.

Edited December 6, 2009 by villagefarang