Trip Back Home To Meet The Parents In Kk For Song Kran

[Gary A]

Like most Thai ladies, my wife is close to her family, BUT, not close enough for them to tell her what to do. We lived together for about a year and a half before I asked her to marry me. We then talked about sin sot and she told me that was up to me. I then turned the tables and told her that it is a Thai custom so it is up to her. I told her I wanted her to have a big face. She thought about it for a few days and told me that she decided it is not necessary. She has no children but had been married to a Thai man previously. I paid no sin sot.

[bkkblueeyes]

Ilsan people the slyest and sneakiest people I have ever meet in thailand.

Both guys and girls alike. I’m not friends with a few ilsan dudes anymore as they really tried to scam away money.

Ilsan girls are 2 faced and will bitch behind there Husbands or Boyfriends back. And if given the chance will sleep around and get away with it.

I just told my wife about this thread and she shakes her head.

Now Im friends with only one ilsan girl whos family moved to Rayoung cuz there business did well and will never dream of staying there as there money will get scammed away

My advice is run like hel_l and get back to BKK and find A nice girl not form Isan.

My wife is from Bkk and her family feed me , Giving Us a 2 story house, and get Club allowance to play with my friends. And extras .

The majority from scam artist in Bangkok are Ilsan

There so incredibly Sly!!!!!!!!!!

[ronthompson]

bkkblueeyes : when u wake up tomorrow look in the mirror and u will see what I believe is a kept male, So glad u found a family that will give u food and shelter as well as spending money. But is not that what u are telling me all Issan women are doing?

I feel sorry and sad that your experience with people of Issan has been so poor. I wonder if I could put all the people of your country in the same category as I want to place you.

Every culture has good and bad people, Change your circle of friends and perhaps u will meet some good people.

[Gary A]

It's always interesting to listen to Thailand experts. I have found that they think they know everything but they actually don't know SH!T. Most do know at least the most common ways to spell Issan or Isaan.

[MrPaddy]

'Clubbing allowance' lol...good one.

Bet you are a dj right ?

[chuckd]

Ole Blue Eyes sounds like a 14 year old troll. My experience with the ladies of Thailand is somewhat different.

When I got together with my current wife, I informed her I would not pay sin sot but I would be certain she is taken care of. I felt I owed nothing to her family so that's what I would pay...nothing. She had been previously married with a son. I had been previously married with a daughter.

I have now built her a nice house in her village with 3 bedrooms for each of them and us. It cost over 2 million but is not the most expensive farang house in the village. It is comfortable, however.

Now I am thinking of adding a small building on the front of the land for an internet shop for my daughter and wife to run. I'm gonna sit around, drink beer, get fatter and die. Sounds like a plan to me, as soon as my contract in Saudi ends.

Her parents are hard working, frugal, honest people and have never asked me for a thing. I like it that way and she seems very happy with the arrangement.

My suggestion is not to lie about your funds. Tell them straight up what you will try and do if everything works out, but don't get nailed down to specifics. Be as vague as possible about what you will provide, but as specific as possible about what you will NOT provide.

[bkkblueeyes]

Okok

As i do have 1 nice ilsan friend who dose do me any bad.

But I don’t have any other !! I turned my back on them,

I recon of cuz there are good people there. Sure you are right.

But I stand by what I said as this man is in a shake down.

And they are very sly!!

You really don’t need to feel sorry for me because only 1 guy tried to take cash but failed miserable

You want to plaice me in a category? Please do.. im not perfect. But I aint sly!!!

As for being Korean Australian. My Marjory of Friends here are Korean and few westerns I spend my time with. And for Thais Here ive also enjoy a night out with them~

Its too bad thes Islan people have gave me a bad mind for them. Girls who are married to Farang offering them self’s to me or my friends. That’s bloody sad man!

Don’t worry some Aussies and Koreans really give me the shits as well.

As you said there are good and bad in every Culture but the good I can bleed for easy.

And I’m sure all us TV members are smart enough not to get owe self’s in over owe Heads.

Peace

P.S I really don’t care how the plaice is spelt.

[bergen]

bkkblueeyes : when u wake up tomorrow look in the mirror and u will see what I believe is a kept male, So glad u found a family that will give u food and shelter as well as spending money. But is not that what u are telling me all Issan women are doing?

I feel sorry and sad that your experience with people of Issan has been so poor. I wonder if I could put all the people of your country in the same category as I want to place you.

Every culture has good and bad people, Change your circle of friends and perhaps u will meet some good people.

mr. wellkeptcluballowanceandextras: and change your attitude and maybe some (Isaan) people will like you?

[Gary A]

Okok

As i do have 1 nice ilsan friend who dose do me any bad.

But I don’t have any other !! I turned my back on them,

I recon of cuz there are good people there. Sure you are right.

But I stand by what I said as this man is in a shake down.

And they are very sly!!

You really don’t need to feel sorry for me because only 1 guy tried to take cash but failed miserable

You want to plaice me in a category? Please do.. im not perfect. But I aint sly!!!

As for being Korean Australian. My Marjory of Friends here are Korean and few westerns I spend my time with. And for Thais Here ive also enjoy a night out with them~

Its too bad thes Islan people have gave me a bad mind for them. Girls who are married to Farang offering them self’s to me or my friends. That’s bloody sad man!

Don’t worry some Aussies and Koreans really give me the shits as well.

As you said there are good and bad in every Culture but the good I can bleed for easy.

And I’m sure all us TV members are smart enough not to get owe self’s in over owe Heads.

Peace

P.S I really don’t care how the plaice is spelt.

I hope English is not your native language. I would guess that you were lucky to find someone to take care of you. I doubt that you would ever make it on your own. As for myself, I never expected for anyone to feed me, give me an allowance or put a roof over my head.

[RueFang]

Tell her that your money is all tied up in investments for a year or 2 and cannot do anything yet. See if she is willing to wait.

I am so confused why so many people think this is such a great idea. If there is suggestion that a huge wad of money is going to be available in a few years, she would still hang around because it means that she's financially set for life having a rich farang bf/husband. Doesn't matter if it's not available now, she still knows it's there for the taking down the track.

... from what I have seen once you open your wallet it forever stays open...

Spot on, very true. You will forever have family emergencies and if you open it once they will throw that at you every time you refuse others, thus end up having the family hating you, causing a rift between you and your gf. Better not to open the wallet at all so everyone knows where you stand. This actually happens to my Thai mother-in-law. Many years ago, she started lending money to people and charging a tiny bit of interest on the pay back, but it's come to bite her on the butt as now people come to the house all the time asking to lend money and she has dozens of people owing her with no way to get it back....and she's Thai don't forget, so it would be worse for you, so don't even go there.

You stayed in one of the best hotels in town.....go to a nice clean restaurant and pay for everything no problem. You offer the Dad a bottle, not of 100 Pipers, but Black Johnnie. Good on you as it shows you can afford these things.

Then they say they are worried you can not "take care of their daughter"? No, my friend this is to me a set up.

You can't ignore this..they know 100% that you are a rich farang (the brand alcohol, hotel, etc) and there's no way they would say you're not good enough/can't support their daughter if they weren't after your cash. I mean who the hel_l mentions building a brand new house for their parents when they already have a western style house so are obviously not paupers themselves. They're taking the piss and you should trust your instincts. Crocodile tears buddy, don't be suckered in by the fact she appears to be a good girl. Plenty more non greedy, non money hungry women out there.

[rick75]

^^Me neither but it sounds like a sweet deal.

Edited April 22, 2008 by rick75

[khunandy]

Okok

As i do have 1 nice ilsan friend who dose do me any bad.

But I don’t have any other !! I turned my back on them,

I recon of cuz there are good people there. Sure you are right.

But I stand by what I said as this man is in a shake down.

And they are very sly!!

You really don’t need to feel sorry for me because only 1 guy tried to take cash but failed miserable

You want to plaice me in a category? Please do.. im not perfect. But I aint sly!!!

As for being Korean Australian. My Marjory of Friends here are Korean and few westerns I spend my time with. And for Thais Here ive also enjoy a night out with them~

Its too bad thes Islan people have gave me a bad mind for them. Girls who are married to Farang offering them self’s to me or my friends. That’s bloody sad man!

Don’t worry some Aussies and Koreans really give me the shits as well.

As you said there are good and bad in every Culture but the good I can bleed for easy.

And I’m sure all us TV members are smart enough not to get owe self’s in over owe Heads.

Peace

P.S I really don’t care how the plaice is spelt.

Why such bad English, your previous posts have been different and in good English

It is obvious that you have hijacked bkkblueeyes ID to post the crap you have.

Best log off before you get your little butt kicked!!!

[Lite Beer]

I was wondering that.

[Dave the Dude]

Okok

P.S I really don’t care how the plaice is spelt.[/size][/font]

By the way, Plaice should be spelt PLACE.

[pentri]

After spending a considerabel amount of time in Thailand and having a serious relationship with a Thai lady, these are some of the impressions that I have formed while there.

Most relationships between Thai ladies and the foreign men in their lives are predicated upon money. For the most part, there is no other reason that would prompt a young woman to take up with an "older" man(in many cases a considerably older man). Why would she defy her god-given instincts for romance other than to defer to the harsh necessities of life? Although there are all sorts of women pursuing foreign men, some with a basicaly good value system, as well as some who are unscrupulous, even the most decent of them all are concerned about the monetary side of such a relationship. Thai romance with farangs is an economic affair. Essentialy, the vast majority of men who have found their Thai loves have purchased them. The air of romance in these relationships is just a veneer of conventions.

Knowing how women think, I can say that if they really are in love with some guy they will give themselves body and sould to him for free! That is how their hearts are. Great looks and a hot body work their magic- over men or women! On the other hand, for great looks or access to regular sex, men will essentialy offer up their sould- so why not their hard earned money, too? These relationships need not be bad to enter under such circumstances, I think, as long as you honestly know what you are letting yourself in for, and understand that you need to lay out a game-plan that will protect you or, at least, limit your liabilities.

My relationship did not work out, and I had some good ingrediants to make it work: eventhough there was a twenty five year difference in age between me and my girl, I am young looking for my age, have an athletic body and am decent looking, have an education and, most importantly to a Thai lady, I have money. I just refused to accept to play the game under someone else's rules. My girl was very beautiful, had a great personality and was fun to be with. Her only problem was that she was obsessed with spending: wanted new jewerly all the time, new car(not happy with the old new one we had, wanted a purchased home(instead of the rented beautiful four bed-room we had in a beautifill neighborhood). She had a maid and nice cloths. Originaly the family wanted sin sodt, but I refused to pay sin sodt for a divorced woman with a two-year-old. The family relinquished the idea after they saw that I treated the girl well and that we seemed to be very happy together. The fact that I agreed to support the father might have helped( Anyway, his support was not a significant burden to me).

In these relationships you may oftentimes find women who adhere to the concept of marital duty- even though they do not love thier husbands: they will stay loyal and try and be a good wife and mother, but the farang has to live up to their standard of economic duty. Some of these women are of low intelligence, some of very high intelligence and craftyness, so there is variation in what a man can get away with.

Be realistic about all this and you will be able to get a better of idea of what you will be able to tolerate just to have her in your life. Remember, you don't have legal rights there, for the most part. You buy, you lose. The general adage in Thailand for farangs is, "Don't buy anything there that you can't take with you, or that you are not prepared to lose". Sound harsh and cynical? Life is not a bowl of cherries! Also, remember that in Thailand there is a high divorce rate among farangs married to Thai women: some of it due to the farang tendency for habitual inebriation, but oftentimes it is due to "failed economics".

Good luck!

[PaddyThai]

Let's try to look st it from the Thai families perspective.

They have raised there daughter, sent her to college and now she has a job in Bangkok. She has met someone and may marry them. Whether they are Farang or not is immaterial for now. They need to know is this guy only interested in short term fun-time with their daughter or can he prove he's committed to their daughters welfare and happiness. Normal procedure would be for them to encourage marriage and satisfy themselves that the guy is not still just here for short time fun by getting him to show his sincerity by giving Sin sot.

The above sounds a somewhat reasonable attitude to me. Where my logic falters is their request that you build a house rather than request you marry their daughter.

On this forum we never hear the Thai point of view and I am only being speculative above.

FYI, I knew my wife for a number of years before we married. In the past 17 years or so of marriage I have NEVER been asked for a single dime. My Mother in-law gave us land to build a house which is in my wife's name.

If my daughter dates a guy for a while and they seem to be keen to marry, I would be very keen to know can he take care of her material needs (which are many - High fashion clothes, world travel etc.). As a father this would be of considerable importance. The fact that he's a nice guy studying art and finding himself while he dates my daughter would be less important.

[Lite Beer]

Let's try to look st it from the Thai families perspective.

They have raised there daughter, sent her to college and now she has a job in Bangkok. She has met someone and may marry them. Whether they are Farang or not is immaterial for now. They need to know is this guy only interested in short term fun-time with their daughter or can he prove he's committed to their daughters welfare and happiness. Normal procedure would be for them to encourage marriage and satisfy themselves that the guy is not still just here for short time fun by getting him to show his sincerity by giving Sin sot.

The above sounds a somewhat reasonable attitude to me. Where my logic falters is their request that you build a house rather than request you marry their daughter.

On this forum we never hear the Thai point of view and I am only being speculative above.

FYI, I knew my wife for a number of years before we married. In the past 17 years or so of marriage I have NEVER been asked for a single dime. My Mother in-law gave us land to build a house which is in my wife's name.

If my daughter dates a guy for a while and they seem to be keen to marry, I would be very keen to know can he take care of her material needs (which are many - High fashion clothes, world travel etc.). As a father this would be of considerable importance. The fact that he's a nice guy studying art and finding himself while he dates my daughter would be less important.

Paddy.

After meeting him for 2 hours they told their Daughter to dump him unless he builds them a 1M Baht house.

My Isaan Wife has worked them out.

Have you been reading too many Barbera Cartland novels?

[PaddyThai]

Lite beer,

You're probably right. At best if they did end up marrying the tension between him and his in-laws would cause problems.

[lannarebirth]

As others have noted it just doesn't sound right. Too much, too fast. I think I'd be looking for an exit strategy.

If you're intent on the relationship, I think the "tied up in investments currently" ploy is probably pretty good. Additionally, I'd make it clear, that since it was their daughters security that was so important to them, that when your investment capital is free the money will be spent on a condo/house for the two of you raher than the parents who already have a home. Let them know you'll spend at least 1 million per their wishes. Yeah, that ought to work.

[jfchandler]

I responded with my intentions more broadly above... But suffice to say here...after the latest comments.....:

In principal, I'm fine with the idea of putting money into a future home for my wife and I, once we are married...preferably a condo rather than a house for ownership purposes.

But, after the spectacle with her family last week, (which Paddy has accurately summarized below) I'm not inclined to do anything for her family at this point, and am seriously re-evaluating the relationship with her.... Because, if her family's going to be a pain every day in the future, the chances of a good marriage are BAD!!!

The TGF and I have our first face-to-face post-KK meeting Wednesday afternoon, where SHE very urgently now wants us to get together so she can talk to me... What she plans to say, in the wake of all this, I'll only find out tomorrow. I'm waiting with baited breath...

Paddy.

After meeting him for 2 hours they told their Daughter to dump him unless he builds them a 1M Baht house.

My Isaan Wife has worked them out.

[RY12]

even the most decent of them all are concerned about the monetary side of such a relationship. Thai romance with farangs is an economic affair. Essentialy, the vast majority of men who have found their Thai loves have purchased them. The air of romance in these relationships is just a veneer of conventions.

While this is usually right, there isn't something intrinsic in the thai-farang relationship that proximately engendered these types of superficial relationships, ...the reality is that these farang men had these types of relationships even before they came to thailand, it's all they're capable of, and thailand just happens to be a depository with a high proportion of them... they're ain't nothin wrong with thailand itself.

I think you'll find that a good portion of the people on this isaan forum DO have genuine romance with their partners. Correct me if I'm wrong guys? I for one am 2 years younger than my isaan lady and we're both in our early twenties, G-d knows my broke @ss couldn't have 'purchased' her even if i wanted to!

For the most part, there is no other reason that would prompt a young woman to take up with an "older" man(in many cases a considerably older man). Why would she defy her god-given instincts for romance other than to defer to the harsh necessities of life?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but female romance IS money and power (power being defined as broadly as possible)... that is the majority of what makes a woman attracted to males no matter where they're from. Sometimes being attracted to "power" can be broken down into being attracted to 'confidence', which is what makes teenagers attracted to eachother when there's no money involved. Physical appearance matters too for women, but if it's not supplemented by an attraction to that person's power or resourcefulness, no woman will be attracted to them for long.

[PaddyThai]

even the most decent of them all are concerned about the monetary side of such a relationship. Thai romance with farangs is an economic affair. Essentialy, the vast majority of men who have found their Thai loves have purchased them. The air of romance in these relationships is just a veneer of conventions.

While this is usually right, there isn't something intrinsic in the thai-farang relationship that proximately engendered these types of superficial relationships, ...the reality is that these farang men had these types of relationships even before they came to thailand, it's all they're capable of, and thailand just happens to be a depository with a high proportion of them... they're ain't nothin wrong with thailand itself.

I think you'll find that a good portion of the people on this isaan forum DO have genuine romance with their partners. Correct me if I'm wrong guys? I for one am 2 years younger than my isaan lady and we're both in our early twenties, G-d knows my broke @ss couldn't have 'purchased' her even if i wanted to!

For the most part, there is no other reason that would prompt a young woman to take up with an "older" man(in many cases a considerably older man). Why would she defy her god-given instincts for romance other than to defer to the harsh necessities of life?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but female romance IS money and power (power being defined as broadly as possible)... that is the majority of what makes a woman attracted to males no matter where they're from. Sometimes being attracted to "power" can be broken down into being attracted to 'confidence', which is what makes teenagers attracted to eachother when there's no money involved. Physical appearance matters too for women, but if it's not supplemented by an attraction to that person's power or resourcefulness, no woman will be attracted to them for long.

Very wise for a young fella.

[bkkblueeyes]

Okok

As i do have 1 nice ilsan friend who dose do me any bad.

But I don't have any other !! I turned my back on them,

I recon of cuz there are good people there. Sure you are right.

But I stand by what I said as this man is in a shake down.

And they are very sly!!

You really don't need to feel sorry for me because only 1 guy tried to take cash but failed miserable

You want to plaice me in a category? Please do.. im not perfect. But I aint sly!!!

As for being Korean Australian. My Marjory of Friends here are Korean and few westerns I spend my time with. And for Thais Here ive also enjoy a night out with them~

Its too bad thes Islan people have gave me a bad mind for them. Girls who are married to Farang offering them self's to me or my friends. That's bloody sad man!

Don't worry some Aussies and Koreans really give me the shits as well.

As you said there are good and bad in every Culture but the good I can bleed for easy.

And I'm sure all us TV members are smart enough not to get owe self's in over owe Heads.

Peace

P.S I really don't care how the plaice is spelt.

Sorry everyone had a few people over and opened the beer early.

Someone got a hold of the computer.

They where just drunk and silly trying to create some mischief.

Ease up thou there just young knuckle heads.

And always I never address P.S at the end off any letter.

Thanks for understand.

Unless you all think I have a split personality.

[blue eyes]

does this work?

NO

Edited April 23, 2008 by blue eyes

[blue eyes]

Please everyone look at the name of the poster.I am as you see "blue eyes" not bkkblueeyes They look to me to be a troll.This is the last I will talk about the troll.

[jfchandler]

I concur... thoughtful...perceptive...accurate view of the woman's mind from a youngster.

I don't recall I was thinking that way...in my early 20s....Back then, it was... "Women what???"

So kid... use those smarts to get your "broke ass" on track and moving!!!!

Cheers....

I think you'll find that a good portion of the people on this isaan forum DO have genuine romance with their partners. Correct me if I'm wrong guys? I for one am 2 years younger than my isaan lady and we're both in our early twenties, G-d knows my broke @ss couldn't have 'purchased' her even if i wanted to!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but female romance IS money and power (power being defined as broadly as possible)... that is the majority of what makes a woman attracted to males no matter where they're from. Sometimes being attracted to "power" can be broken down into being attracted to 'confidence', which is what makes teenagers attracted to eachother when there's no money involved. Physical appearance matters too for women, but if it's not supplemented by an attraction to that person's power or resourcefulness, no woman will be attracted to them for long.

[jfchandler]

As quoted in a message to me: "No matter what your tilak tells you, her family will always come first.........not you."

OK, I promised an update, and now I have one after a six hours long talk-meeting last night and into the early morning hours with my TGF, the lady in question in this post... And, while this is still an evolving story, all I can say to all the "dump her" and "scam artist" advocates is... AMAZING THAILAND!!!!

We spent most of the early going talking about what had been happening with her since we returned from KK almost a week ago. And I discovered, by her account, that she'd been really upset, crying, depressed about two things: 1) fearing that I was going to leave her because of what her family had said about 1M baht for the new house, and 2) gossip she had started hearing second-hand from people in her village saying she must have been working as a bar girl in BKK or Pattaya because she'd been seen with a farang (me) in KK (and since the few other mixed couples in her village began as BG-monger matches).

We talked our way through those things, and then I got the first of two shockers.... 1) her family for some time had been pressing her to return to their village in KK to take a government job near there, a job her father had helped arrange for her. And, she informed me that just after we had left KK, the employer had contacted her father and told him, and he then told her this week, that they were now offering her the job near KK. I felt my heart falling at that point, but then the real bigger surprise came... She informed me that she had no intention of moving back to her village, and despite her family's/parent's wishes, that she wanted to stay here in BKK and continue working here in her office job. So, while understanding that her family may still continue to pressure her and nothing is final yet, at least I began to think...Hey, this young Thai lady is showing some signs of resolve and independence.

But, we weren't done yet. By now, this was some hours into the discussion, and we hadn't talked at all about the house issue, so I began steering our talk in that direction. And I found that, apparently, of all the things she'd talked with her Mom about in the past week, the issue of the house wasn't much among them. It was all what was happening with her, and me, in the wake of our visit. So, at that point, since I wasn't going to hear more from the family on that point, I began talking to her about my own ideas, as shaped by all the advice and discussion here.....

...that I'm prepared to get married in the future if she and I stay happy together, but not any sooner a year from our original meeting; that I'm committed to taking care of her; that I'm perfectly capable of buying a condo or a house in BKK or elsewhere for she and I after we are married, as may fit with things in our life; that I'm willing to have a wedding ceremony and some reasonable sin sod; but that I'm not willing now or in the future to build a 1M baht house for her parents that basically she and I would rarely live in.

At that point, I got my second and even bigger but good shock of the night. She proceeded to repeat for me that she really was more interested in us staying together and getting married eventually, and that her parents were more interested in the house issue, as I already knew. But she then informed me that, when she really loves someone, she needs to do the right thing for that, that that's the most important thing for her. And that if we were married, she'd see her responsibility to be first toward me as her husband, and second to her family. So, she said to my great surprise, that she was fine with my general ideas as mentioned above, and she was prepared to go against her parents' wishes on the house issue, and that she planned soon on talking with them and explaining the situation and what she wanted to do about it. To which, I said to myself, AMAZING THAILAND......

So, as I said above, this is still an evolving story. And, maybe what she promised and pledged last night will fade or she'll be collared by her family on their the job/location issue or the house issue. But for now, this lady is showing me the kind of spirit and commitment that made me believe since I met her, for many other reasons, that she's a keeper. And if she's willing to stand by me, and keep the focus on our future together, then I'm prepared to stand by her also....

Time will tell....

[Lite Beer]

Looks hopeful JF . Hang on in there. She seems worthy of a bit more of your time.

In spite of what some people might thing, there are a lot of very good and genuine Thai ladies out there.

[ronthompson]

I was one that suggested u move on.

Perhaps I should have mentioned I was married 3 times in the states and really I am not in a position to give advice on relationships.

Most important thing is for u to be happy

Spend what u want and how u want, just remember u may have to walk away from what u buy in Thailand.

I have really enjoyed my Thai wife and my 3 Years in Thailand and I wish all the best for you.

[OlRedEyes]

i dont understand why the girl couldnt just say 'no'. i know plenty of thai girls who are dating or married to western men. these are all girls holding 'normal' jobs (not bar girls) and they met under 'normal' circumstances. none of these girls has allowed their families to bludge off of their husband. if money is not important to the girl she would have told her family to bugger off and let you get on with it (in my opinion).

Exactly. Any girl, including Thai, will - if she is serious about the relationship - make a stand for it.