How Much Do You Pay Your Thai Fiance's Mom?

[YoungFarang13]

The "REAL MEN" on the forum claim they don't pay their wife/GF family or the girl nothin'. Your self-respect and hers - out the window. It seems although, that they buy houses and vehicles, gold and other what not's in the sole name of their "true love", in lieu of cash monthly payments. Take her & Mama house shopping. One or two million ought to be good for starters.

Well my wife is one of 10 children, of the married sisters,none were /are bgs,. here are her comments when asked this question, normally its a volunteered amount, not a demand or or a request, one of the husbands gave flowers as he had no money, he told mother in law he was in love with her sister and would look after her, they are still 20 years on happily married,other dowrys ranged from 6.500 baht to 150.000..by the way 2 of the husbands are farang, neither of us has been asked for a penny since the marriage, so whether its "REAL MEN " or not i dont know, but i think its more like is it a "REAL " woman,or a gold digging bg,..in most cases where people i know have married a bg they do pay monthly as in most cases they have had their girlfriend quit work, then of course the wages have stopped and the men take over as breadwinner,.unfortunatly greed also takes over and the family in most of these cases get out the farang milking machine,.some can see this coming,others jump right in,.if it smells wrong, it will be,.

Thank you for the comments. That is very helpful.

I don't believe this smells bad. Currently, her neighbors daughter and other young ladies in her villiage have married Farang's and one Farang paid 2M Baht. Since then, she has asked me how much I am going to give her mama. I don't know exactly how to answer...yet.

just so you know, sin sot is supposed to be given back to you after the ceremony. but maybe the cultural rules differ for farang spouses. It sounds like that is the case here. Better come up with the 2m before she meets another bloke who can.

What is sin sot?

thai words for dowry presented to wifes parents at marriage ceremony, and then given back to the couple afterwards (traditionally). there is a sticky in the general forum on it. if you dont speak thai yet... maybe its not the best time to get married?

[YoungFarang13]

you send her 500 USD a month? how much was she living on a month before you came along? its your money so do with it what you want, but something does not add up here.

Yes, $500 a month, which is 15,000 Baht. What are your thought, specifically.

if her mom is living in a village somewhere in isaan, she was probably living on 2-3k a month. now you are sending her 15K baht which is wayyy more then the average Thai makes. so i ask, what was her monthly salary/stipend before you came along and why did you triple/quadrouple it? again, it is your money and you can spend it however you want. if it makes you happy to give more, give more, but i am just pointing out that it seems likely that you overpaying by a wide margin.

One of the show girls in living dolls told me she earns 50-60 k every month, .you wouldnt get that one walking the buffalo for $500 a month ! ( im only joking )

and how much of it does she manage to save?

[mikethevigoman]

The "REAL MEN" on the forum claim they don't pay their wife/GF family or the girl nothin'. Your self-respect and hers - out the window. It seems although, that they buy houses and vehicles, gold and other what not's in the sole name of their "true love", in lieu of cash monthly payments. Take her & Mama house shopping. One or two million ought to be good for starters.

Well my wife is one of 10 children, of the married sisters,none were /are bgs,. here are her comments when asked this question, normally its a volunteered amount, not a demand or or a request, one of the husbands gave flowers as he had no money, he told mother in law he was in love with her sister and would look after her, they are still 20 years on happily married,other dowrys ranged from 6.500 baht to 150.000..by the way 2 of the husbands are farang, neither of us has been asked for a penny since the marriage, so whether its "REAL MEN " or not i dont know, but i think its more like is it a "REAL " woman,or a gold digging bg,..in most cases where people i know have married a bg they do pay monthly as in most cases they have had their girlfriend quit work, then of course the wages have stopped and the men take over as breadwinner,.unfortunatly greed also takes over and the family in most of these cases get out the farang milking machine,.some can see this coming,others jump right in,.if it smells wrong, it will be,.

Thank you for the comments. That is very helpful.

I don't believe this smells bad. Currently, her neighbors daughter and other young ladies in her villiage have married Farang's and one Farang paid 2M Baht. Since then, she has asked me how much I am going to give her mama. I don't know exactly how to answer...yet.

just so you know, sin sot is supposed to be given back to you after the ceremony. but maybe the cultural rules differ for farang spouses. It sounds like that is the case here. Better come up with the 2m before she meets another bloke who can.

What is sin sot?

The one that paid 2 million is the sort that gives the wrong impression ! tw@t ! and if you are asked or suggested to to pay that amount get the fastest taxi outta there !

[jmapodaca]

you send her 500 USD a month? how much was she living on a month before you came along? its your money so do with it what you want, but something does not add up here.

Yes, $500 a month, which is 15,000 Baht. What are your thought, specifically.

if her mom is living in a village somewhere in isaan, she was probably living on 2-3k a month. now you are sending her 15K baht which is wayyy more then the average Thai makes. so i ask, what was her monthly salary/stipend before you came along and why did you triple/quadrouple it? again, it is your money and you can spend it however you want. if it makes you happy to give more, give more, but i am just pointing out that it seems likely that you overpaying by a wide margin.

once you start giving sin sots and large amounts of money that you dont expect to receive back, it feels like itll open the flood gates to me.

i have many thai friends whose parents bug them constantly about money, they play down their income and they also set budgets and stick to them. you dont have to look any furthor from Thaivisa to see guys being ate alive by their wife and her relatives. good luck.

She lives in Petchaboon and I don't know how much her family lived on before along I came along. I wish I did!!!! Her Farang uncle who lives there in Petchaboon says he can make it on $8,000 per month.

[mikethevigoman]

you send her 500 USD a month? how much was she living on a month before you came along? its your money so do with it what you want, but something does not add up here.

Yes, $500 a month, which is 15,000 Baht. What are your thought, specifically.

if her mom is living in a village somewhere in isaan, she was probably living on 2-3k a month. now you are sending her 15K baht which is wayyy more then the average Thai makes. so i ask, what was her monthly salary/stipend before you came along and why did you triple/quadrouple it? again, it is your money and you can spend it however you want. if it makes you happy to give more, give more, but i am just pointing out that it seems likely that you overpaying by a wide margin.

One of the show girls in living dolls told me she earns 50-60 k every month, .you wouldnt get that one walking the buffalo for $500 a month ! ( im only joking )

and how much of it does she manage to save?

nothing, ! price of drugs have skyrocketed in pattaya !

[chiangmaijohn]

Traditionally in western realtionships the Father of the bride paid for the wedding etc but in modern times this was abandonned and most families share the cost together.All of my Thai friends paid a dowry which was then returned to them to help them start married life also a few farang friends too and this is the modern way in Thailand but apperently not when involving most farang/Thai relationships.As for the amount you are sending month per month, and are quite happy to do so,you probably should take this into the equation as it is a huge amount by Thai standards and maybe you could reduce this and pay slightly more dowry in the range of 50-250k and hopefully keep everybody happy.

[YoungFarang13]

you send her 500 USD a month? how much was she living on a month before you came along? its your money so do with it what you want, but something does not add up here.

Yes, $500 a month, which is 15,000 Baht. What are your thought, specifically.

if her mom is living in a village somewhere in isaan, she was probably living on 2-3k a month. now you are sending her 15K baht which is wayyy more then the average Thai makes. so i ask, what was her monthly salary/stipend before you came along and why did you triple/quadrouple it? again, it is your money and you can spend it however you want. if it makes you happy to give more, give more, but i am just pointing out that it seems likely that you overpaying by a wide margin.

One of the show girls in living dolls told me she earns 50-60 k every month, .you wouldnt get that one walking the buffalo for $500 a month ! ( im only joking )

and how much of it does she manage to save?

nothing, ! price of drugs have skyrocketed in pattaya !

blindeddddddddd by the light

[colino]

i didn't pay anything

i don't see why i should pay for a wife , you should marry for love not how much cash are you going to pay into the family coffers ,

i think this is a bad way to start any marriage

(this is my personal view and so far has worked for me )

[a2396]

Excuse all the scarcasm from some hard-boiled members here, such as myself. But seriously, you should consider a few things and I have some questions. What are your ages/ Where did you meet her and how long have you known her? Do you plan to marry her and take her back to your country to live? You mention her Mother. Does she have a Father & is he with the Mother & supporting the family? I think you ment to say her Uncle can live on 8,000 bht not dollars. $500 U.S. is a lot of money to be handing her every month. If you want to pay sin sod, I would tell them that the monthly payments stop in the future then. This talk from other posters about getting the sin sod returned is a pretty "iffy" thing. In many case I know, the family has no such intentions and they expect monthly subsidy as well. Do you no for a fact that another Farang paid $2 million bht, or is this second hand story from her family to enhance the kitty (pot od money)?

[jmapodaca]

forget yourself and the money for an instance and face reality, the mother has worked very hard all her life to raise the daughter, the daughter loves her mm and the mom has no pension, so, you pay 100.000 baht dowry or so to make your girlfriend's dream come true; finally a lucky break for her mom, so she can buy stuff, then there's the no-pension, so you send 2.000-5.000 Baht every month

that's the normal situation, strictly speaking it's just very human in this reality

of course; there are also a bunch of b!tches out there, so the money shouldn't be the question; the question is if your GF is sincere or not ... how long are you together with her?

I've been with her for 1 year. I stayed there for 3 months last year and I am going again for three months next Sunday; we are expecting to have her interview at the US Embassy (fiance Visa) within the next 60-90 days.

The problem with her right now is she's unrealistic and perhaps too young (20) to understand things clearly. While staying there last year her mother chewed her out several times for being difficult to me. I get the feeling that her mom is good with anything. She want's her daughter to live with me in America and have a good life. Good grief.....

[jmapodaca]

Excuse all the scarcasm from some hard-boiled members here, such as myself. But seriously, you should consider a few things and I have some questions. What are your ages/ Where did you meet her and how long have you known her? Do you plan to marry her and take her back to your country to live? You mention her Mother. Does she have a Father & is he with the Mother & supporting the family? I think you ment to say her Uncle can live on 8,000 bht not dollars. $500 U.S. is a lot of money to be handing her every month. If you want to pay sin sod, I would tell them that the monthly payments stop in the future then. This talk from other posters about getting the sin sod returned is a pretty "iffy" thing. In many case I know, the family has no such intentions and they expect monthly subsidy as well. Do you no for a fact that another Farang paid $2 million bht, or is this second hand story from her family to enhance the kitty (pot od money)?

I'm 42 and she is 20. We met one year ago and are now in the final days before she may get her fiancé Visa to come to the US. She lives with her Mother and Father and 14 year old sister. They own a home and two pieces of land which the mother and father grow rice and corn crops. The father works periodically as a construction worker and maintenance man. In short, they do okay. The have one of the best houses on the street. But all-in-all they're still are poor.

Yes, her uncle (from South Carolina) lives on 8000 Baht. The $2M is a story coming from my fiancé about another mother in town getting said sum. I'm don't believe the story necessarily. After living in the area a short time, I know the stories are often BS with a lot of the ladies competing with one another.

Edited April 28, 2008 by jmapodaca

[mark lamai]

Never having had a thai GF therefore i know nothing, so here's my advice.

Pull the plug for 6 months,

tell them you are in financial stress until the new job or something,

see if she sticks by you and see if the family are understanding.

unfortunately you have set a very bad precedent with the FIFTEEN THOUSAND BAHT A MONTH already,

man that would whet any village mama's tongue, its a full time senior Thai teachers salary.

So a farang in Petchaboon can live on 8K (i think you meant baht not dollars) and you are giving mama almost double that,

wake up and smell the ATM!

After returning to ground zero for 6 months and all is fine then open the tap a little while letting all of them know there is a set limit that will never increase (maybe you will but don't tell them).

You don't state her history, as in other posts its an important factor in what;s she's "worth".

22yo good girl virgin versus 32 yo divorced with kids in Nakhon Nowhere village, is a big difference,

the latter should pay you and throw in her younger sister for free.

==================

Its a funny game i play sometimes,

meeting Thai girls, prospective girlfriends, regular girls who work in pretty good jobs,

I am not handsome, not young, not rich nor poor, but financially pretty good by thai standards,

I always play down my net worth when meeting girls (well ladies aged late 20's to 40),

the meeting is always kinda weird as you would expect, sussing each other out,

but i always get the feeling afterwards that because, to the many questions they ask, which add up to "how rich are you",

are left with a very undefined answer, they lose interest quite easily.

maybe i am wrong and too paranoid, maybe i am right, not sure.

The really red flag to me is when i read or hear a woman say "no care money, want good heart man", ho ho ho.

[koheesti]

I just took two years off from my career to get an MBA. Although, things should be more than fine once I start working, I cannot afford to fork over large dollars now.

Uh-oh. That MBA could be trouble.

I know a guy here paying his gf's parents 5k/month. Well, it went up to 6k when he started earning more.

Anyone else here have a similar experience with the monthly payments increasing along with your own income?

[Lite Beer]

If you are already giving them 15,000 Baht a month why would you want to give them anymore?

They must already be the richest family in the village.

Wake Up.

[macb]

It costs little to nothing for a Thai family to live in a village:

They tend to live off the land, they eat rice which they in general grow themselves, they eat fish which they catch themselves a lot of vegetables are grown themselves and they eat leaves off tress etc:

I am going to give my g/f mama 3000 bht per month, but in return i take care her daughter clothes etc nice rented house to live in.

I will do this even though we are still new in the relationship:

My g/f and her mama say everything up to me so thats nice to hear dating a girl that has not seen bar work is so very different

[Sakeopete]

The "REAL MEN" on the forum claim they don't pay their wife/GF family or the girl nothin'. Your self-respect and hers - out the window. It seems although, that they buy houses and vehicles, gold and other what not's in the sole name of their "true love", in lieu of cash monthly payments. Take her & Mama house shopping. One or two million ought to be good for starters.

I don't mind giving her mom money. I already send her US$500 a month to help out. Quite frankly, I cannot afford to pay her mom 2M, or anywhere near that amount.

WOW! 15000 baht they won the lottery honestly if she is in a village that is 3 times what the locals make. I have been with my wife for almost 7 years and from my experiance when the family starts asking about for big dowerys the best thing you can do is RUN FOREST RUN. I wll bet that most succesful Farang/Thai marriages the sin sot was returned and they pay only 2-3000 baht/month plus fix up the place a bit.

[jmapodaca]

If you are already giving them 15,000 Baht a month why would you want to give them anymore?

They must already be the richest family in the village.

Wake Up.

I don't want to send her anymore. I told her I would be sending her mom less money when she finally comes to the US. I knew the 15K Baht was more than she needed, but not a big deal to me at the time. The amount is creating problem now with her expectations perhaps higher.

As noted above, it does not cost a lot to live there in Petchaboon. I figured I would give her extra to have fun with (e.g., shopping, restraunts, etc.). In retrospect, may be a bad idea

Edited April 28, 2008 by jmapodaca

[ChangMaiSausage]

Again this is down to the individuals how much you want to pay? I sense that your future mother in-law is in love with you at the moment $5000 (I would be).

If you propose to make a one off payment on marriage then I bet she will still expect to receive a monthly payment as well! As some of the posters have said if I had to pay a dowry I would not expect to pay more than a couple of hundred thousand baht MAX! and I would expect a virgin for this price...........................

I personally did not pay anything as my wife's parents are old and the wife has been married previously they only want a good life for their daughter. On visits I normally slip her father 5000THB (couple of times a year) Todate they have asked for nothing apart from a request to see their new grandson more!

GOOD LUCK

[jmapodaca]

Again this is down to the individuals how much you want to pay? I sense that your future mother in-law is in love with you at the moment $5000 (I would be).

If you propose to make a one off payment on marriage then I bet she will still expect to receive a monthly payment as well! As some of the posters have said if I had to pay a dowry I would not expect to pay more than a couple of hundred thousand baht MAX! and I would expect a virgin for this price...........................

I personally did not pay anything as my wife's parents are old and the wife has been married previously they only want a good life for their daughter. On visits I normally slip her father 5000THB (couple of times a year) Todate they have asked for nothing apart from a request to see their new grandson more!

GOOD LUCK

Perhaps, it's just my fiance. Her mother was very good to me before I started sending any money at all. As was the gradnmother. Dunno.....

[PattayaParent]

If it's true that another Farang in the village forked out 2 million baht (and it's most probably not) then there's the 'face thing' to consider that they want your fiance to be seen to be worth more.

Also as someone else has pointed out you are paying monthly double what her Farang uncle lives on a month so count up how much you've already paid and deduct that from the maximum sum for the sin sot (200k baht).

As that is still a lot of money to pay to a Thai village family in 1 hit I'd even suggest you try to agree to pay the sin sot over, say 3 years, then you can argue you don't need to pay the monthly amount anymore.

[pumpuiman]

500.00 a month is more than enough to support the whole family. If you can afford this monthly "gift" to the family, then it should suffice in place of any sin sod lump payment.

Explain this to your fiance.

If however, marrying in Thailand, a "show" of gold and cash will be displayed at the wedding...most modern parents return this to the newlyweds...but not all of them.

If your gal expects 2 mil...AND a monthly payment of 500 dollars, she is either naive, or taking advantage of you.

A one time sin sod of 100,000-200,000 baht is what you should reasonably expect to pay...and 2 or 3 baht (a standard weight measurement) of gold as well.....then a small monthly payment to help the family (5000-8000 baht) could be sent by the both of you if you choose to do so.

Don't let yourself be considered a bottomless ATM. You have your futures to look out for...and it's irresponsible and selfish for the parents not to consider your future together.

Discuss this fully with the fiance and family before you get visa's etc.....bring it out in the open, and don't be pressured.

Think with your big head.

Good Luck.

Edited April 28, 2008 by pumpuiman

[jmapodaca]

If it's true that another Farang in the village forked out 2 million baht (and it's most probably not) then there's the 'face thing' to consider that they want your fiance to be seen to be worth more.

Also as someone else has pointed out you are paying monthly double what her Farang uncle lives on a month so count up how much you've already paid and deduct that from the maximum sum for the sin sot (200k baht).

As that is still a lot of money to pay to a Thai village family in 1 hit I'd even suggest you try to agree to pay the sin sot over, say 3 years, then you can argue you don't need to pay the monthly amount anymore.

You may very well be on to something - saving face. As the story goes, it is her bitter enemy from high school and next door neighbor who's farang fiance provided the money. The whole street dislikes these neighbors. There was a lot of chatter about 2M Baht the last time I was there but turned out to be untrue, or delayed, who knows. She is a sweet heart when things are fine. But when these things come up she gets very upset. Tonight she is crying, crying, crying, .......

The lump sum idea and the payments after I start working were all discussed earlier. The mother is easy going and does not expect the mother-load. What the mother and grandmother really want is for her to go live in the US.

Edited April 28, 2008 by jmapodaca

[huggybear]

The "REAL MEN" on the forum claim they don't pay their wife/GF family or the girl nothin'. Your self-respect and hers - out the window. It seems although, that they buy houses and vehicles, gold and other what not's in the sole name of their "true love", in lieu of cash monthly payments. Take her & Mama house shopping. One or two million ought to be good for starters.

Well my wife is one of 10 children, of the married sisters,none were /are bgs,. here are her comments when asked this question, normally its a volunteered amount, not a demand or or a request, one of the husbands gave flowers as he had no money, he told mother in law he was in love with her sister and would look after her, they are still 20 years on happily married,other dowrys ranged from 6.500 baht to 150.000..by the way 2 of the husbands are farang, neither of us has been asked for a penny since the marriage, so whether its "REAL MEN " or not i dont know, but i think its more like is it a "REAL " woman,or a gold digging bg,..in most cases where people i know have married a bg they do pay monthly as in most cases they have had their girlfriend quit work, then of course the wages have stopped and the men take over as breadwinner,.unfortunatly greed also takes over and the family in most of these cases get out the farang milking machine,.some can see this coming,others jump right in,.if it smells wrong, it will be,.

Thank you for the comments. That is very helpful.

I don't believe this smells bad. Currently, her neighbors daughter and other young ladies in her villiage have married Farang's and one Farang paid 2M Baht. Since then, she has asked me how much I am going to give her mama. I don't know exactly how to answer...yet.

just so you know, sin sot is supposed to be given back to you after the ceremony. but maybe the cultural rules differ for farang spouses. It sounds like that is the case here. Better come up with the 2m before she meets another bloke who can.

What is sin sot?

Oh my Buddha..............here we go !!!!

[YoungFarang13]

having heard all the details, i think you should ask them if you can pay the 2m over 2 or 3 years, making quarterly payments. this way her mom and granny who are both very nice will not feel sad that the mean neighbors daughter got more from her farang husband. meanwhile, you can take their daughter to America to live which as you said is all granny wants (besides the 2m) and i have no idea what shell be doing in america, but i am sure she will love it. good luck.

Edited April 28, 2008 by YoungFarang13

[mark lamai]

mate,

get tough,

let her cry like a baby,

explain farangs don't care about "face" and she will have to get used to it.

i still reckon she's playing you like a violin.

[Eric1949]

Your bet would be correct. But she is expecting me to pay her mother something. I had heard that tradition says you give the mom 5 ounces of gold. I understand now that they may be wrong.

She loves her mom, I understand that, but large sums of money - not to mention the periodic remittances - may serve to be a problem. There must be a guideline, right?

If you have to 'buy' your g/f, then better you go short time every night. I guarantee you will save a fortune. Sinsot is just a Thai way of 'legalising' pimping/mamsam etc.

[jmapodaca]

500.00 a month is more than enough to support the whole family. If you can afford this monthly "gift" to the family, then it should suffice in place of any sin sod lump payment.

Explain this to your fiance.

If however, marrying in Thailand, a "show" of gold and cash will be displayed at the wedding...most modern parents return this to the newlyweds...but not all of them.

If your gal expects 2 mil...AND a monthly payment of 500 dollars, she is either naive, or taking advantage of you.

A one time sin sod of 100,000-200,000 baht is what you should reasonably expect to pay...and 2 or 3 baht (a standard weight measurement) of gold as well.....then a small monthly payment to help the family (5000-8000 baht) could be sent by the both of you if you choose to do so.

Don't let yourself be considered a bottomless ATM. You have your futures to look out for...and it's irresponsible and selfish for the parents not to consider your future together.

Discuss this fully with the fiance and family before you get visa's etc.....bring it out in the open, and don't be pressured.

Think with your big head.

Good Luck.

My plan has been to pay no more than US$5,000 and give the family $150-200 per month. I will not be deviating from that too much. If it all falls to hel_l, then what can I do. Meant to be...... I'm a generous guy, but I have my limits. So far, I've already given her over $3,000 (I don't pay when I'm there in Petchaboon).

[YoungFarang13]

i still reckon she's playing you like a violin.

just cause he is double her age does not mean that she is playing him. its pretty common for 14-20 yo thai girls to cry when their boyfriend or parents says no to something or that its their bedtime.

[YoungFarang13]

500.00 a month is more than enough to support the whole family. If you can afford this monthly "gift" to the family, then it should suffice in place of any sin sod lump payment.

Explain this to your fiance.

If however, marrying in Thailand, a "show" of gold and cash will be displayed at the wedding...most modern parents return this to the newlyweds...but not all of them.

If your gal expects 2 mil...AND a monthly payment of 500 dollars, she is either naive, or taking advantage of you.

A one time sin sod of 100,000-200,000 baht is what you should reasonably expect to pay...and 2 or 3 baht (a standard weight measurement) of gold as well.....then a small monthly payment to help the family (5000-8000 baht) could be sent by the both of you if you choose to do so.

Don't let yourself be considered a bottomless ATM. You have your futures to look out for...and it's irresponsible and selfish for the parents not to consider your future together.

Discuss this fully with the fiance and family before you get visa's etc.....bring it out in the open, and don't be pressured.

Think with your big head.

Good Luck.

My plan has been to pay no more than US$5,000 and give the family $150-200 per month. I will not be deviating from that too much. If it all falls to hel_l, then what can I do. Meant to be...... I'm a generous guy, but I have my limits. So far, I've already given her over $3,000 (I don't pay when I'm there in Petchaboon).

you are already paying $500 a month why would they accept $150-200 now?

[hanibal7]

As a HARD NOSED EXPAT OF PATTAYA,I THINK I AM LOSING THE PLOT HERE.

You guys are saying you pay your gf parents a monthly salary or yout thai wifes mum and dad a salary.I have never sent a monthly salary but helped out once for 15,000 baht for a new toilet( for me mainly) and bus fare when they come to see us.THEY then bring a 1000 bahts worth of rice with them for a gift to us.I have been with my gf for 3.5 years now and do you think i should be paying a monthly salary to her parents????.

If ever i get married,which i doubt then i will not pay a dowry for a quick wedding as i would not get married up country.