How Much Do You Pay Your Thai Fiance's Mom?

[LinkPopularity]

Stupid is as stupid does.

I don't pay a salary to my mother-in-law; in fact nobody in my family is on my payroll. Would you pay your in-laws in the west?

I actually did something quite original, I met a nice Thai lady and we fell in love. And then we married for love. We've been Married three years next week; no problems, no fights. There was no Sin Sod, it never came up, but I did pay for the wedding. I can assure you that my relationship with the family is genuine.

I have helped with a couple of projects lately that will help the family make more money in the future (ie, irrigation system) but they don't expect my cash and they never ask.

Anyhow, the interesting thing about this TROLL post, (yes definitely a troll, look again with your troll glasses on) is how it brought out so many walking ATM's. You guys are your own worst enemies. But at least you only make payments so there should be no trouble getting swapping your lease deals every few years for a new model. It is going to happen anyways so you might as well make the best of it.

in europe you pay up to 60% social taxes ... here you send some money to the family ... I find the Thai system much better !!!

I send money every month and I'm proud of it !

[LinkPopularity]

Dear OP, ................. now, how should I begin ? It is outrageously absurd ! Ridiculous ! Unethical ! and what ever. How anyone in their right mind would come to a contractual verbal agreement on how much you ought to pay ? I would take flight out of there ! Imagine........... "Honey, I love you very much, but when we get married, how much you gonna pay me every month ? Oh yeah, about my mother too, how much tirak ? Farangs digging their own graves with their own bare hands.

"Paying" and "helping" is different (note the spelling). I would gladly contribute to my TGF's family hardship (if any) if need be , but to "pay" outright to girl's family (beside the sin sod), agreed upon monthly payments is out of this world. What ? You're purchasing a merchandise on monthly instalment ? Jeeeze !

I just couldn't believe what I am reading.

so, you suggest all social benefits in Europe will immediatly be stopped ... ow, you never saw the connection then ... those people don't have any pension, for centuries the elder have been depending on the children to support them ... has nothing to do with your greatness ... show some respect and follow the culture of your hosts ... pay up !

and to all those guys being so proud of not-paying up ... shame on you !

[burman]

In my time in LOS I have had 3 "Serious" relationships. One with a daughter of Isaan and two with native Bangkokonians.

The girl from Isaan was a nightmare, constantly asking for money, for herself ,her family and her friends. She would have temper tantrums and I would catch her out lying all of the time. When I finally finished with her she reported me to the ministry of labour for having no work permit and they turned up at my place of work and the matter was resolved within in a minute when I produced said item from my desk.

The two natives of Bangkok were totally opposite, one was a lawyer and one was a school teacher. BOTH of them would never even dream to ask me for money and would insist on contributing to dates etc. BOTH of them bought me gifts on a regular basis and not one time ever, did I ever feel like I was being taken advantage of. BOTH of them had good jobs and apart from a holiday abroad, Non of them wanted to move to another country.

The Isaan girl, you neglected to mention what job she had?

You mentioned the other two had good jobs, teacher and lawyer. Was the Isaan girl you knew employed in the same manner of work? Same socio economic status even?

It might have more bearing on her behavior than where she came from.

[garro]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

[TheDon]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Too right on that. People jutst generalise way too much.

[sbk]

Trollish posts have been deleted. Further such posts will result in stronger action than just deletion.

[deathstardan]

In my time in LOS I have had 3 "Serious" relationships. One with a daughter of Isaan and two with native Bangkokonians.

The girl from Isaan was a nightmare, constantly asking for money, for herself ,her family and her friends. She would have temper tantrums and I would catch her out lying all of the time. When I finally finished with her she reported me to the ministry of labour for having no work permit and they turned up at my place of work and the matter was resolved within in a minute when I produced said item from my desk.

The two natives of Bangkok were totally opposite, one was a lawyer and one was a school teacher. BOTH of them would never even dream to ask me for money and would insist on contributing to dates etc. BOTH of them bought me gifts on a regular basis and not one time ever, did I ever feel like I was being taken advantage of. BOTH of them had good jobs and apart from a holiday abroad, Non of them wanted to move to another country.

The Isaan girl, you neglected to mention what job she had?

You mentioned the other two had good jobs, teacher and lawyer. Was the Isaan girl you knew employed in the same manner of work? Same socio economic status even?

It might have more bearing on her behavior than where she came from.

You're right, it could have a bearing.

I could tell you a quick tale about how i come from a family with drug and alcohol problems and how my mother was in prison for 5 years and i had no money as a child.

But then it would be too easy to make excuses for my behaviour.

Rich or poor, you know right from wrong.

(and to answer your question, of course she was in a bar)

Edited April 29, 2008 by deathstardan

[Jimmy in Bangkok]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Thanks Garro!

That's the most intelligent thing that has been said in this whole thread.

Cheers

Jimmy

[burman]

Well it's just I found it a curious reasoning.

You know three women.

One is a lawyer from Bangkok. (probably decent enough background).

One is a teacher from Bangkok. (probably decent enough background).

One is a prostitute. (probably with a far different background from the other two)

Yet when you see different behaviours in them you mark it down to their place of birth rather than their circumstances or individual character.

Just seems really basic and incorrect reasoning to me.

I'm sure if you knew a Bangkokian girl who is a prostitute and an Isaan girl who studied to become a laywer you'd find different results.

Edited April 29, 2008 by burman

[deathstardan]

Well it's just I found it a curious reasoning.

You know three women.

One is a lawyer from Bangkok. (probably decent enough background).

One is a teacher from Bangkok. (probably decent enough background).

One is a prostitute. (probably with a far different background from the other two)

Yet when you see different behaviours in them you mark it down to their place of birth rather than their circumstances or individual character.

Just seems really basic and incorrect reasoning to me.

I'm sure if you knew a Bangkokian girl who is a prostitute and an Isaan girl who studied to become a laywer you'd find different results.

I said at the start of the post, this was my experience only.

So, i cannot base an opinion on my life experiences, why not?

So how do i form an opinion? Let others make it for me.?

I know everyone is different but please for those who cannot comprehend what they read, let me reiterate

THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE OF DATING IN BANGKOK.

(You lot are hard work sometimes)

[burman]

I appreciate it was your experience and didn't mean to upset you about it. Kindly put the dummy back into your mouth.

[deathstardan]

I appreciate it was your experience and didn't mean to upset you about it. Kindly put the dummy back into your mouth.

No, once on the floor it stays there!

[james24]

you're off your head!!! Dont give her bugger all!! 500 dollars here is quite a bit of money. As for the gold mate, shes havin you on, dont mug yourself off kick her to the curb.

[burman]

^^ Fair enough! cheers.

Edited April 29, 2008 by burman

[seagull]

Dear OP, ................. now, how should I begin ? It is outrageously absurd ! Ridiculous ! Unethical ! and what ever. How anyone in their right mind would come to a contractual verbal agreement on how much you ought to pay ? I would take flight out of there ! Imagine........... "Honey, I love you very much, but when we get married, how much you gonna pay me every month ? Oh yeah, about my mother too, how much tirak ? Farangs digging their own graves with their own bare hands.

"Paying" and "helping" is different (note the spelling). I would gladly contribute to my TGF's family hardship (if any) if need be , but to "pay" outright to girl's family (beside the sin sod), agreed upon monthly payments is out of this world. What ? You're purchasing a merchandise on monthly instalment ? Jeeeze !

I just couldn't believe what I am reading.

so, you suggest all social benefits in Europe will immediatly be stopped ... ow, you never saw the connection then ... those people don't have any pension, for centuries the elder have been depending on the children to support them ... has nothing to do with your greatness ... show some respect and follow the culture of your hosts ... pay up !

and to all those guys being so proud of not-paying up ... shame on you !

Read my post again, you DW. If you're feeling proud to be suck-up by the gf or mil, go ahead. And shame on you for not standing up to your own principle. Oops, you ain't got none !

[koheesti]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

Edited April 29, 2008 by koheesti

[garro]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

The point is that not all English, American, or Thai girls are the same. People are individuals and to not see people beyond their racial, ethnic, national, or religious group is just plain ignorance. If somebody tried to make the comment that all American girls are like this or that, they would be ridiculed, and rightly so, the same applies to Thai women.

[intumult]

I'll add to my earlier comments.

My Thai fiance's parents have asked for nothing in the time I have known her and them (over 3 months now). Yes, that beautiful young lady is now my fiance and to add to that, she is moving in with me soon - all being well.

Considering I know the family do not have a lot of cash and are in need of basics, never mind not having a washing machine for a family of 7 in one house and doing all the laundry by hand.

In fact, the g/f has bought me presents. The parents ask me round regularly for dinner that they prepare and then leave myself and the g/f alone to eat.

Took me a while to discover what they have ( or more to the point, what they do not have). So, for them to be so generous with what little they do possess and to share it with a foreigner twice the age of their daughter, says a h_ll of a lot to me about this particular family.

Now I understand, I try to help them out here and there but I have to fight to do so.

Money is refused outright. No bones about it, they will not accept money.

So, I go to the market, I buy clothes for the g/f, for the babies. I buy towels, I bought bedding for the babies. A new dresser with a light on it for the mother so she could do her make-up etc. For the father I buy a few bottles of Leo now and again, that makes him a very happy man. The odd trip to the restaurant with the family is acceptable to them, but it is the odd trip.

I get berated at times for doing this too, but for me it is little in financial terms.

Take the other 2 families I have been involved with. They were always on the want for cash for something or other. It was never ending at times and they have a lot more than the present family do. That is abig part of the reason I am no longer with those other ladies.

All these ladies have had reasonably good jobs of work too, but I put it down to greed and the Thai ideal of money 1st, family 2nd.

As for those who say it is about social need, or lack of pensions, or other excuses for demands for money, I think it is more down to the greedy grabbing ways of many when they see a Farang on the horizon. Agreed, we might do the same if our situations were reversed, but then again, some families are proud of what they have and would not lower themselves to demanding a monthly income or any money at all, come to that.

Maybe some of this is down to individuals too. And slightly off topic, I have Thai friends who would not dream of asking me for money and are more than happy to cough up their fare share on nights out even though some are on incomes of 6 / 7,000 baht p.m. with rents and other utility bills of their own to pay.

Pay up monthly AND pay sin sot as a demand? No <deleted> way. There has to be balance in all things - at least for me - and demands for money tip the balance way off kilter.

Help out? Yes.

Give in to demands? No way.

Rant over

[koheesti]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

The point is that not all English, American, or Thai girls are the same. People are individuals and to not see people beyond their racial, ethnic, national, or religious group is just plain ignorance. If somebody tried to make the comment that all American girls are like this or that, they would be ridiculed, and rightly so, the same applies to Thai women.

Fair enough. But in the context of this thread there are two types of Thai girls - golddiggers and non-golddiggers.

[garro]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

The point is that not all English, American, or Thai girls are the same. People are individuals and to not see people beyond their racial, ethnic, national, or religious group is just plain ignorance. If somebody tried to make the comment that all American girls are like this or that, they would be ridiculed, and rightly so, the same applies to Thai women.

Fair enough. But in the context of this thread there are two types of Thai girls - golddiggers and non-golddiggers.

Well, no it isn't. The OP wanted to know how much to pay his fiance's mum. This payment is expected by some families, as people have reported in this thread, and not by others. The sinsod is sometimes has a 'saving face' element to it. This is why some people pay the money, have a big party with the money on show, and later have the money returned. To say it is merely about golddiggers and non-golddiggers is simplifying things too much. Each family is different with different expectaions and so is each Thai woman.

[LooseCannon]

The OP has made his mind up about what he is going to do & doubt anything said here will change it.

An educated, professional, 40 yo American man & a 20 yo farmgirl from a poor Isaan family.........

There is really nothing left to be said.

The train has now built up a full head of steam, the brakes have been released..........................

[dr_Pat_Pong]

mate,

get tough,

let her cry like a baby,

explain farangs don't care about "face" and she will have to get used to it.

i still reckon she's playing you like a violin.

Pack and run.

[koheesti]

To say it is merely about golddiggers and non-golddiggers is simplifying things too much.

True, and done so in the interest of brevity.

Each family is different with different expectaions and so is each Thai woman.

But the differences are still just three options (1. No payment; 2. Payment - returned; 3. Payment - not returned) and we are still talking about THAIS and THAI culture. You can't say bringing in the Thai factor (nationality) is wrong because "Thai women are the same as women all over the world" - they aren't with respect to sin sod. That's the point I was making. I know it makes the PC Police crazy but that's the way it is in the context of this thread.

Edited April 30, 2008 by koheesti

[garro]

To say it is merely about golddiggers and non-golddiggers is simplifying things too much.

True, and done so in the interest of brevity.

Each family is different with different expectaions and so is each Thai woman.

But the differences are still just three options (1. No payment; 2. Payment - returned; 3. Payment - not returned) and we are still talking about THAIS and THAI culture. You can't say bringing in the Thai factor (nationality) is wrong because "Thai women are the same as women all over the world" - they aren't with respect to sin sod. That's the point I was making. I know it makes the PC Police crazy but that's the way it is in the context of this thread.

Oh dear, pointing out that people are more than just a member of a group is not PC, it is a simple fact. If you can't see that, well..

As I said, families are different and have different expectations, just as individuals do. There are many scenarios as to why a family might expect a sinsod and many scenarios as to why they might not. To list them all would be impossible. To just say they are golddiggers or non-golddiggers is too simplictic. A family might want the sinsod without them necessarily being golddiggers and another family might not want the sinsod but ultimately be golddiggers.

The sinsod might be expected because; it's tradition, to save face, the money is needed for the family, payback for money invested in the future wife's education, the future wife wants it as a sign of love/ commitment, the family expect it as a sign of cmmitment, ad nauseam.

[geriatrickid]

in europe you pay up to 60% social taxes ... here you send some money to the family ... I find the Thai system much better !!!

I send money every month and I'm proud of it !

Well isn't that special.

I'm always amazed by the men that say hey it's great I'm supporting my mother-in-law as it makes me part of the Thai social fabric! I got a question for all these generous people. Do you bother sending money back to your parents, aged relatives and family members in need? Are they any less deserving than the Thai family? And what about those males that have left an ex wife and a few kids back home to start again here? Don't your kids deserve some help? I have seen my fair share of guys around that somehow don't appreciate the hypocrisy of abandoning a family back in the west and then thinking they are redeemed by starting a new family here. OK I know, alot of guys don't have kids back in the west, or dislike their family, but they sure as hel_l could learn from their Thai partners that support the alcoholic uncle or crooked brother or troublesome granny.

[garro]

in europe you pay up to 60% social taxes ... here you send some money to the family ... I find the Thai system much better !!!

I send money every month and I'm proud of it !

Well isn't that special.

I'm always amazed by the men that say hey it's great I'm supporting my mother-in-law as it makes me part of the Thai social fabric! I got a question for all these generous people. Do you bother sending money back to your parents, aged relatives and family members in need? Are they any less deserving than the Thai family? And what about those males that have left an ex wife and a few kids back home to start again here? Don't your kids deserve some help? I have seen my fair share of guys around that somehow don't appreciate the hypocrisy of abandoning a family back in the west and then thinking they are redeemed by starting a new family here. OK I know, alot of guys don't have kids back in the west, or dislike their family, but they sure as hel_l could learn from their Thai partners that support the alcoholic uncle or crooked brother or troublesome granny.

I personally don't support my wife's family. We can't afford it. I do understand those that do though. My family back in Europe have a generous welfare state to fall back on if they run into financial difficulty - not that they would ever need this. My family in Thailand has no such safety net.

[jmapodaca]

I know the 2M was the request for sin sod..but I didn't think...especially after hearing from all of us...that the OP was heading toward giving in to pay it...

So... what's the plan OP??? What are you going to do about the request???

As indicated above, I am contributing about $300 a month for 3 years. Then no more payments. If more is needed the little lady will have to earn the money for mama herself.

To the above post about pre-nump. Yes, I will make certain it's written in Thai and she has her own Thai attorney.

[jmapodaca]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

Okay, I'm the OP......

Yes, I am giving this young lady $500 a month to help her and her parents. But let's look at like this way....I have dated women here in the US (Accountants, Doctors, normal every-day women, etc.). One thing I can say for certain. Women in the US (perhaps particularly in Los Angeles) have expectations that are considerably higher than this young Thai lady (at least for now) and have cost me in real dollar terms an enormous amount of money.

This young Thai lady is very nice and treats me well. So does her family. Blinded or not, after 42 years on this planet, American women aren't my first choice for marriage and kids. $500 a month to this Thai young lady is nothing in comparison. Everyone one of us guys out there is paying money to women in one form or another. If you're not, she won't be around long……

There are certainly differences in culture. You either accept them or you don't. If you plan on marrying someone from onother culture then expect to learn different ways of livng.

Edited April 30, 2008 by jmapodaca

[steelepulse]

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

Okay, I'm the OP......

Yes, I am giving this young lady $500 a month to help her and her parents. But let's look at like this way....I have dated women here in the US (Accountants, Doctors, normal every-day women, etc.). One thing I can say for certain. Women in the US (perhaps particularly in Los Angeles) have expectations that are considerably higher than this young Thai lady (at least for now) and have cost me in real dollar terms an enormous amount of money.

This young Thai lady is very nice and treats me well. So does her family. Blinded or not, after 42 years on this planet, American women aren't my first choice for marriage and kids. $500 a month to this Thai young lady is nothing in comparison. Everyone one of us guys out there is paying money to women in one form or another. If you're not, she won't be around long……

There are certainly differences in culture. You either accept them or you don't. If you plan on marrying someone from onother culture then expect to learn different ways of livng.

A couple things I'm sure you've thought of, but need to consider.  What's she going to do when you are working?  School, shopping malls, watching Jerry Springer or ? She won't be able to work legally for a while, so she needs something to pass her time.  What's she going to do about friends? Where would she make some friends if you are going to keep her away from Thai town? Is she educated, does she speak good English and has she travelled to other parts of the world, or not?  If the answer is little to none to the above three items, then there will be some SERIOUS cuture shock.

[bendix]

I dont support my wife's family. Her mum died when she was a kid, and her Dad scarpered.

I do, however, help in small ways. Her sixteen year old nephew has just arrived in Bangkok to study engineering. He's also working as an apprentice at Nissan. I'm more than happy to cover his basic expenses, because he's working hard to improve his lot in life.