Seven Years With A Thai Girl Livein

[Edonista]

Do not mean to be a prick.........BUT DID U LOVE HER........by some remarks in your postings, in seems that it was not really a normal love relationship......more like some sort of convenience....u mentioned in your postings......why pay someone who did not want to talk or sleep with you.........I really think that there was some problem in this realtionship from the beginnings.

Whether its a Thai GFirl or Guy or a Farang Girl or Guy or whatever the nationality or race.......relationships have to start on mutual love, respect, trusts and honour .....or else........

I have a relationship with a Northern Thai Guy for the last 7 years and we have been through the worst situations together and also the good times, I have had assets including houses, land and cars plus also bank accounts and deposit boxes,jewelry,etc worth more than US 8 million under his name and yet we have never had a single problem as I know he will always be by my side. ( we are a gay couple but thats besides the point.)

I really feel sorry for what you went through and hope that you will be picking up the pieces and be strong again soon and hope that ypu will find the right person and this time start it on the right foundations.

Best of luck.

[burman]

If someone gave me 8 million dollars worth of assets I wouldn't be a problem to them either.

[john b good]

larryst

I always thought the girls only think about money or anything from day to day. Have a million baht one day and nothing the next day. I think it was probably a long term investment. Normally a guy would think 7 years he would have a little bit of influence in the relationship. But, the influence and the greed of the mother is over powering. I did ask her, if her mom really cares about her. To tell her to go back to work. I also mention about health problems and a few other things. All she said was. I have to do to take care of my family. then I said from that, your mom really doesn't care one thing about you. But, money. When your done working or can not work and have no money. You will be lucky. Because then your mom won't need you any more.

i would recommend a reading of Neils Mulders book , "Inside Thai Society" and in particular , the chapter entitled " Holy Mother , Mother Dear , How To Be A Thai Mother " for an insight into , among other things , family relationships and the moral debt that children ( are made to) feel towards their mothers , and how , in what appears to be a male dominated society , it is in fact the women that run show here , and that many men remain boys , a kind of grown up son to their spouses.

mis handling and mis understanding these deeply rooted cultural norms will often result in what to many foreigners seems like irrational behaviour from the woman , but is probably a normal response to a deeply felt hurt or the inadvertent crossing of a culturally forbidden boundary.

"family relationships and the moral debt that children "are made to" feel towards their mothers" ,

I can relate very well with this statement.

My wife was from a big family (10 children) so the responsibility that each of my wifes siblings felt was not quite so marked.

Her father died some years back (since we married) and due to the big family there was/is always someone there to provide support and care to her mother.

Unfortunately I have been apart from this lady for some years.

Around three years ago I entered into a 'live in relationship' with my current GF.

There have been some very good times and a few downsides.

My GF is an only child and her father scampered when she was around five years old. The mother has been on her own ever since.

MY GF wouldn't know her father now if he walked into the room.

I don't know that her mother has ever actually said or expressed that my GF has a responsibility to take care of her.

Regardless of whether it's been expressed or implied my GF has an immense and overpowering sense of responsibility in that she must take care of her mother.

This has been the main cause of any disagreements that we have had. Her whole life is directed or focused toward this mission.

I believe that it is criminal the way that Thai society creates this sense of responsibility in their young.

I further believe that this sense of responsibility will ensure that Thailand remains a 3rd world country for many many years into the future (the next hundred or so)

Many Thai girls cannot afford to settle down and marry a regular Thai many because he will never be able to meet the girls financial needs.

AND, that is why they turn to foreigners to meet their families expectations.

Very very sad, BUT, also very true.

Edited May 4, 2008 by john b good

[freitag1]

If you have to support the life of your partner don't expect that you will get anything back for that. I would be suspicious if I would have to support my partner because of her family or her lifestyle. Will she still be with you if you don't give her a dime?

I understand if people want to bail her out of her shitty job but then just give her the same money she made there. If you invest in a relationship invest your feelings but not money.

[rewket]

that's exactly why i told my gf, when she moves with me. we do not see the mother ever again, she does not visit, she does not see her grandson. She does not give her a dime.

If any rules is broken. im moving to south american or back to canada with our kid and dumping her here.

The moms here are <deleted> vultures..

When my gf got pregnant she still received 50 000baht a month from her ex bf that she broke up with over a year ago and her mom wanted her to goback with him in hope of getting money for a business. She called the guy and made him stop sending money.. thats why she got the boot. now months later she finaly 'liesk me' and wants to meet me. ya.. die mom.

[Chinesegirl]

I'm sorry to hear about his...and fell lucky for you that you are already out of bad situation and being safe at the monment...

I think the whold point is your gf...She really doesn't love you..or I can see she loves her mum more than you...she is a not a little girl...why need to listen to her mum every second....and Her mum is a very tipical lady who only loves money..and it's very crazy..you know if you marry to her..it means you married to the whole family.....and they keep taking things from you ...you also need relize this at the begining....you are being together with the girl who you love..and you are not just for one night stand to paying money to her ...always....and the problem is her mum is not selling daughter..but it looks like this way..you did the payment for the whole family......there is no difference for selling her daughter to you...I know this is not nice words..but this is true....

and your gf is too weak and afraid of her mum...if she really loves you..she should standing on your side..and keep her mum away...she is not strong enough...if this thing happed to me..I will shout on my mum : you are not selling your daughter..if you only want money..then you will lose me...

On the other side, don't be so sad...you didn't wast the time for 7 years...becuase this is a great lensons you learned..now you can tell it to us..to more people..you are helping others now...just keep going on...Life is still beautiful...Good Luck !

Chinese girl

[huggybear]

Here's my experience on relationship with a livein and building a house and having a future. I knew a TG for over 7 years..

In many businesses where trust is important, there is something called the "know your customer" rule. In Thailand, we have the "know your b!tch rule."

Instead of the permanent "Sin Sod" topic thread, shouldn't there be a permanent topic thread entitled

"Screwed over by my Thai wife/girlfriend"...?

[tattoodrob]

If someone gave me 8 million dollars worth of assets I wouldn't be a problem to them either.

if someone gave me a million dollars worth of assets i could pretend to like them too ........a lot of thai honeys are happy while you are spending or they got something worthwhile(house,car,etc)....but as soon as things slow down......its bye bye farang..........its normally only a matter of time.....1 yr,7yr etc.

if this guys lady couldnt tell him that mom was a problem then how was the communication in there relationship......my mrs would tell me....why not?? too many of these girls sulk or go quiet when you are trying to help them......but in this case i think there was a little more to it....maybe the mom was influencing her to find a richer farang.......and she didnt have the backbone to stand up to her or maybe agreed with her mom......she aint gonna tell you that for sure.i think a lot of these ladies get pressure to be greedy as there is always someone they know that has a richer farang taking care......enough money never seems to be enough.this is what makes me angry as they dont apreciate when someone comes along and gives them loads...they seem to expect it nowadays like its there right.i thought this was generally a poor country so its about time they realised when they are better off than most that are born here.if someone gives me anything then i apreciate it whether it be a sandwich or whatever etc. let alone car,land ,money everymonth etc.

some guys may be lucky but in my experience a lot of guys lose a lot to these honeys...ok some deserve it for being so dumb but a lot are duped by these great actresses and thats what makes me mad.....also these dumb arse rich farangs who give a lot and get dumped and kick up little or no fuss...no wonder other ladies get greedy,they see we are easy prey........the thai guys dont bend over and take it up the jacksy when it happens to them in some way....the ladies know they would be in hospital or worse if they did it to a thai.so lets try and make it better for all farangs here and around the world by not giving them everything for nothing.....at least let them earn your trust by waiting a few years before you give them the equivalent to a lottery win......or if they really love you then why would they be interested in pushing things(or gently coercing you) to get stuff in there name.end of rant.....and well done if yours is different......post your tales of woe in time to come

[Austhaied]

Sounds like just another case of "the seven year itch" to me.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_...icle2500361.ece

[marquess]

My condolances to the orginal poster, all relationships as we know can go wrong, and when it comes to money people can act so strange. Personally I would really only ever trust my mother and sister when it comes to money and assets, and I do have a younger brother. I think that I would rather have set fire to the house than let the mother move into it!

[lilBob]

Your a very lucky man. Like I posted, not all girls are the same (happens all over the world). Trust, respect and love is required in a relationship. But, it takes two for it to happen. My mistake I guess is, I trusted my girl too much. She trusted me. But, she had no respect for me after the house was built and then there is no love.

Time to move on. Just right now I won't ever build another house here in LOS.

It is not unusual to feel a bit off-balance when a trusted partner pulls the rug out from under you. I have had it happen both in relationships and in a partnership with an old and trusted friend. And without a contract of some sort, there is little you can do but walk away only to trust again.

During many years of divorce court mediation, I found it extremely unusual for only one partner to be responsible for causing a relationship to turn sour and that is almost all cases, each easily blamed the other.

It sounds like you had a good run for seven years and suffered negligble losses. Everything is a trade-off and I don't see that you came out a loser other than whatever emotional damage you may suffer. And that is not about trust; it is about the failure of your own expectations.

I have been in my current relationship with a Thai lady for seven years and trust her to be her own individual person.

We married in the States, have joint bank accounts there and here and she has her own cards for full access, I put everything we purchase (house, land, car, motorbikes, chopper) in her name and own absolutely nothing myself but my own clothing.

She is the finest person I have ever known and whatever I have spent is meaningless compared to the love and pleasures and learning she has brought to my life so I stand to lose nothing whatsoever. If I "lost" her, through accident or design, I would be devastated for a while but would wish her all the best and move on, happy for the experience.

Happy trails..

Dustoff you are a lucky man and I am absolutely green with envy.

However to get back to the thread I would like to pass on a conversation I had with a chap who seemed to cover all bases.

1. In order to get a DNA check for their child he explained to his wife that it would make getting the child an english passport a lot easier.

2.He has bought land and is building a house all in her name

,

but explained to her giving an example of a farang thai marriage (a love match) where upon the death of the thai wife )car Accident) her family took over and he lost the business and house.

So my friend has a 30year plus 30 year lease on the property with an agreement of occupantcy, and as he explained to his wife he trusted some of her family but not all of them.

Maybe that's the way to go Although I must admit after seven years I would have fallen for it too.

A suggestion perhaps after the divorce is well and truly settled you have pictures taken with othar girls and send them to your ex also find a girl and have a photo taken in front of a really flash house and tell your ex and her mother this is the house you have bought for your new wife

My own personal view is that if it flys fcuks or floats rent it.

Regards to all

lilBob

[pampal]

It's time to pick up the pieces and move on friend.

[britmaveric]

Well problem was moving to her village and close to her family. I think if you would have stayed a fair distance away and kept everything in your name. (condo or rented)

1. She would have stayed with you and did nothing.

2. Left you with nothing.

[Scott]

You have been through a lot and you have my sympathies. I do wish you the very best.

[Gary A]

I lived with my wife for over a year before we got married. One of the things she made sure she did was to send her mother 3,000 baht every month. I never questioned it because I figured it was her money. When we finally moved up country my wife went to get her motorcycle back from her mother. Her mother told my wife that it was now her motorcycle because of the loan. I finally got the whole story. My wife had borrowed 30,000 baht from her mother to finish the house my wife had built. The 3,000 baht every month for about a year and a half was to pay back the loan. My wife told her mother that she paid back the 30,000 baht with interest. Her mother told her that the 3,000 baht per month was to support her and my wife's father. My wife didn't make any waves but she was pissed big time. Needless to say there have been no more "support" payments and I paid no dowry. Some women are stronger than others. My wife is still close to her family but they certainly don't tell her what to do.

[RAZZELL]

It is not unusual to feel a bit off-balance when a trusted partner pulls the rug out from under you. I have had it happen both in relationships and in a partnership with an old and trusted friend. And without a contract of some sort, there is little you can do but walk away only to trust again.

During many years of divorce court mediation, I found it extremely unusual for only one partner to be responsible for causing a relationship to turn sour and that is almost all cases, each easily blamed the other.

It sounds like you had a good run for seven years and suffered negligble losses. Everything is a trade-off and I don't see that you came out a loser other than whatever emotional damage you may suffer. And that is not about trust; it is about the failure of your own expectations.

I have been in my current relationship with a Thai lady for seven years and trust her to be her own individual person.

We married in the States, have joint bank accounts there and here and she has her own cards for full access, I put everything we purchase (house, land, car, motorbikes, chopper) in her name and own absolutely nothing myself but my own clothing.

She is the finest person I have ever known and whatever I have spent is meaningless compared to the love and pleasures and learning she has brought to my life so I stand to lose nothing whatsoever. If I "lost" her, through accident or design, I would be devastated for a while but would wish her all the best and move on, happy for the experience.

Happy trails..

A true gent...And just proves that you reap what you sow...

All the best

RAZZ

[realmadrid25]

why do the farang always give up so easily? watch the godfather for advice on how to negotiate matters like this.

[Larryst]

I don't think the girl I was with a child. She was over 30 years old.

I was giving her 10K a month to spend on her own. But, 1 year ago my annuity was decreased and with the exchange rate going to hel_l and it did cost more to live in the village. I explained that I did spend most of the money I had to build a house for us. I told her I could give her 8K a month and if any problems that occur I would help. So I don't think I was too cheap. You can only give as much as you can at the moment.

I will also put a disclaimer on this. Not all girls will do this. There are some good girls out there. Good luck to everyone one with there relationship and building a house. You might be in the same situation. After the house is done. So are you.

Perhaps your mistake is having relationships with children , next time maybe a grown woman would be better ?

And maybe pay more, 4000 baht a month, and she was providing sex how often?

Sems like you were kinda cheap and deserved to be discarded.

YOu get what you pay for

[realmadrid25]

what if her mother was to have an accident?

[Pepe']

Sounds like the gal was of the type that had some cognitive dissonance about her choice in life partner. Happens between Thais and people of all nationalities as well, but seems particularly common in many Thai-farang partnerships.

The profile is: girl or guy feels there is a stigma to having a relationship with a foreigner (not saying all people feel this way of course) but go against this feeling in exchange or hope for a better life. Once that life is underway however said person -and family- might start comparing the "deal" that they got to what other folks are getting. They feel it wasn't worth it. The thinking is if they have to face the stigma... they should be living on easy street, not the same street with better appliances and building materials. They start becoming discontent/sometimes depressed and simply want out.

Very good post ! Those women have a lot of issues .

Hard time expressing themselves , seems like they always have moods ,

and don't really now and care why they have it , when this starts things could go worse .

A lot of it depends on how much they let themselves influence from outside or not , if not so

much the relationship could work , so long they choose to actually express themselves and

find some answers for their emotional issues . Think a lot of people got this experience with Thai ladies.

Its hard work to let it work and many are not so lucky , but the lucky ones also have similar issues .

What is it with those individuals , I found out hiso or loso are not very different in mood swings . I'm

not a psychologist but it really is pretty odd indeed .

-------------------

Interesting and accurate observation, IMHO...

[Seizhin]

I'm sorry to hear about the author's problem.

But it doesnt go only for Thai girls, it goes for everywhere, even men do this to the women out there.

I know a real life example, but I shall not get into it.

[TheAceFace]

Keep your chin up Larryst

Your not the first and you certainly will not be the last, time to move on.

[Pepe']

I'm sorry to hear about the author's problem.

But it doesnt go only for Thai girls, it goes for everywhere, even men do this to the women out there.

I know a real life example, but I shall not get into it.

----------------

Your absolutely correct. It's just that Thai girls give the senario a whole new meaning...

[bkkblueeyes]

what if her mother was to have an accident?

And the house magically burnt down

[qwertz]

Yet another cautionary tale about why you should never show your blind side.

Hard luck, brother but dare I say, you should read these forums - they tell all, that's why I check in regularly - and look before you leap.

If it's any consolation, it's not just Thailand or Thai women - there are wrong 'uns everywhere - the trick is learning to suss them

before they suss you.

Good luck with your future choice of companion.

[Dustoff]

We married in the States, have joint bank accounts there and here and she has her own cards for full access, I put everything we purchase (house, land, car, motorbikes, chopper) in her name and own absolutely nothing myself but my own clothing.

But, why is everything in her name? Any particular reason you don't have joint ownership of all your worldly goods?

Sorry. I unsubscribed from this silly thread then recalled that you had asked a question.

This was related to the issue of trust but is as much about me as my wife. I came here seven years ago to retire and base my traveling out of Thailand while spending the rest of my life here. I would have simply rented and not even had a car since a big bike and perhaps a microlight is enough for me. Then I fell in love.

Since I am a bit older and do adventurous things, I want my wife and her son pretty much set for life before I am comfortably dead. Not to mention that for the vehicles, registration and insurance is far easier when she takes care of the paperwork...

Edited May 4, 2008 by Dustoff

[intumult]

I have to agree that we sometimes have to trust our other half (or our intended) at some point. What would we be if we did not develop some trust along the way?

It is sh*t to get burned at any point in a relationship IMHO. But, what else are we supposed to do? Do we remain totally suspicious ALL of the time and let that destroy what might - potentially - be a good and loving relationship, do we remain so cynical and doubtful that we let these episodes ruin relationships?

I would rather have 7 years of a good relationship and lose that much rather than rent a woman on a nightly / weekly basis. Where is the love and tenderness in 'renting' a woman?

I have been burned too , but have not yet lost the faith. One night of good loving, holding, hugging and caring is worth a he_l of a lot more than a quick shag with a woman you pay for the pleasure by the hour or whatever.

[Spee]

larryst

I always thought the girls only think about money or anything from day to day. Have a million baht one day and nothing the next day. I think it was probably a long term investment. Normally a guy would think 7 years he would have a little bit of influence in the relationship. But, the influence and the greed of the mother is over powering. I did ask her, if her mom really cares about her. To tell her to go back to work. I also mention about health problems and a few other things. All she said was. I have to do to take care of my family. then I said from that, your mom really doesn't care one thing about you. But, money. When your done working or can not work and have no money. You will be lucky. Because then your mom won't need you any more.

i would recommend a reading of Neils Mulders book , "Inside Thai Society" and in particular , the chapter entitled " Holy Mother , Mother Dear , How To Be A Thai Mother " for an insight into , among other things , family relationships and the moral debt that children ( are made to) feel towards their mothers , and how , in what appears to be a male dominated society , it is in fact the women that run show here , and that many men remain boys , a kind of grown up son to their spouses.

mis handling and mis understanding these deeply rooted cultural norms will often result in what to many foreigners seems like irrational behaviour from the woman , but is probably a normal response to a deeply felt hurt or the inadvertent crossing of a culturally forbidden boundary.

I haven't read the book but I am sympathetic to the general intent. My partner feels sometimes oppressive family pressure from her mother. Many times she has told me that she can't dishonor her mother for fear of what may happen to her in society and in the next life. When she gets sad, she cries and tells me that she is just a "buffalo" and that I don't understand her. Shee feels as thought she is a "beast of burden" for her family, and while it makes her unhappy to think about it at times, she would not consider opposing her mother because it would be viewed as dishonor.

Had I known about the full extent of the situation several years ago when our relationship was just getting started, would I have said "eff this" and taken a walk? Maybe yes. Maybe no. I don't know. But now that I do understand the situation and have belief in my love and commitment to her and her love and commitment to me, there's no way I could take a walk. I would be a coward if I didn't stand with her and support her.

Will I be the next "larryst" and have the whole deal blow up in my face? Maybe yes. Maybe no. I certainly hope not but no one knows what the future holds. But it doesn't matter. I had heard and read "all the stories." I took the risk. I made the decision. So it is what it is, and it will be what it will be. But I will always be able to always look myself in the mirror and believe that I tried to do the right thing.

None of us is perfect. We make choices. We make decisions. Good or bad, we live with them. The important thing is to make sure that those decisions and choices are consistent with our beliefs and become a part of what makes us whole.

[Resa]

I just see that people within the Thai family of my partner treat each other really bad when it comes to money. One of my girlfriends brothers owes her money and didn't want to give it back to her even though he could. So my gf had to borrow it from some loan shark.

[Westerner]

Good post taxexile. I always advocate building up a comprehensive information pack on the family members of prospective girlfriends/wives. Use a private detective if you feel comfortable with that. Speak and meet as many people as you can and note everything down. Then you are more informed and able to make better decisions.

Now THAT's romance!

But very wise!