Seven Years With A Thai Girl Livein

[Heng]

Larrys post...amazing but true,welcome to Thailand

While there are probably more instances than are reported here, it is important to keep perspective and realize there is also a flip side to the coin. For every bad ending, there are likely dozens and dozens of very happy couples all over the country.

Probably more like, for every happy ending (and not the kind that costs 3500 Baht), there are likely dozens and dozens bitter/burning train wreck all over the country.

[Payboy]

[wolfmanjack]

Here's Your Sign.

[rken]

All the usual suspects are starting to appear, giving the OP a hard time. If he had just met this girl I would join in, but after 7 years??

How long is long enough to trust someone? I have been living with my g/f for 2 years and trust her implicitly. If you don't let your guard down and start to show a bit of faith in the relationship then it's never going to reach 7 years.

Sounds to me like the OP is a lucid and intelligent guy, who after 7 years had unconditional trust for the girl he was planning to spend the rest of his life with. Then family gets involved and it all turns to custard.

Could all the critics on here maintain an arms length and financially sterile attitude indefinitely? I don't think I could.

Couldn't agree more. At some point you must show a little trust or no relationship is going to last. Sounds like she might of had this intention from the start. It just took her awhile to get it all worked around so she could take it all. Shame on her. Like the man said there are good ones out there. NEXT aloha

[aries27]

k, let me give a different experience, way so different from this kind being discussed.

but somehow, maybe, the underlying message is the same.

maybe, just maybe, westerners feel a bit of their obligation to help out. they come from a rather comfortable lifestyle and then they see some pitiful conditions here and feel sympathetic.

my experience is in no way about couples or so. it is about a housemaid. we normally dont get a housemaid (rather do the job than take the trouble of adjusting to a stranger in the house who usually cant get things done your way anyway) but sometimes when i have to be left alone (not good in PH for a woman, er, a slip there but essential to my story) to stay alone so we get a housemaid for companion when parents are away.

our familyare are kinda different when treating maids, in a way that we sympathize with their situation. so the last maid we had, we sent to school, she has 2 years more to go before finishing high school. this is not typical of PH families. as i said, we are more liberated, and sympathetic. she ate with us, got presents every now and then, essentially treated her more like family than a maid. we thought we are doing what is good. trouble is, these people tend to abuse your kindness. instead of being humbled by the blessings she got, she even began to weave fantasies to her classmates that she was in fact an adopted child of the family. that i was her aunt, and my parents were her grandparents and all those lies. instead of going home straight from school, she hanged out with her friends. and sometimes, it so funny that the chores she was supposed to do, i ended up doing. was i being stupid? YES, to a lot of friends and relatives who can never imagine letting their maids enjoy these benefits. but deep inside, i knew i was just doing the right thing. i wanted to see her get out of the rut, poverty and all and i kept thinking if supporting her education is a way of teaching her to fish, then it is a small price to pay.

but no, a year of being in that position, i said no, this is not being right. this is being stupid. so i sent her packing home after school finished of course. and i never entertained any beseechings from her to give her another try. did i regret that our family did what we did for her? not really, altho we always have this girl-bashing day every once in a while over dinner. and it always turn out we would be laughing.

what is the connection of my story to the stories of bad thai-farang relationship where one side feels ripped off? some of us tried to do good and what we felt is right. if it didnt work out that way, charge it to experience. like we will never ever treat another maid like that again. but i am not sure, empathy is something built in with me/us i guess. i am afraid, next time, i am still going to get ripped off. so the best solution for us is no more maids. they are expensive (not much the salary, but the food -- they usually eat a lot... , they charge their cellphones more frequently than i do, they like to watch TV a lot and prefer soap operas! waaah.., take a bath and a shower each day, and so on and so forth. so now, the house is cleaner, the bills are lower, the food taste better and i am lot slimmer and less stressed........

so, to the farangs who felt ripped off, no use crying over spilt milk now. just make sure you are smarter next time. and make sure you love yourself more than your partner next time. that way, you will never allow someone to abuse you.

but the basic difference here is that, this is a maid, no emotional attachments. wives and girlfriends are different, especially if you have kids... but wtheck, if they treat you bs, then its no different. shove it their faces too. and you'd feel less bad about yourself.

now THIS IS A POST...hope i will never ever get to write another one like this...too compromising and please no crazy ideas about me here ok... am really just trying to help things out...

Edited May 9, 2008 by aries27

[Trevor]

Larrys post...amazing but true,welcome to Thailand

While there are probably more instances than are reported here, it is important to keep perspective and realize there is also a flip side to the coin. For every bad ending, there are likely dozens and dozens of very happy couples all over the country.

Probably more like, for every happy ending (and not the kind that costs 3500 Baht), there are likely dozens and dozens bitter/burning train wreck all over the country.

Enjoy the soapies, eh? Others can find happy endings for 500 Baht upcountry. 300 if you're Thai, or go to Indonesia.

I too suspect far more 'train wrecks' than 'very happy couples'. If Thailand were really such a paradise for happily-married couples, the authorities would be clamping down even harder on alien visas.

The lasses (and their families or Thai boyfriends) all learn how to fleece the farang from each other. Thailand is still an attractive third-world destination from a purely touristic perspective, but has become spoiled by greed in the 29 years I've been visiting. Nowadays it's just a convenient hopping-off point in transit to better Asian locales. I don't even bother with Thai girls any more, short-time or long-term. Too much violence over mere money. Seen too much, and had it confirmed by many writers here. The Thai, like the Japanese, are just grinning xenophobes.

In Malaysia and Singapore you still have the rule of law. In Indonesia and Philippines you have more deference and respect for foreigners, especially Caucasians. Cambodia is still messy, with a background of violence like Thailand. Vietnam is too much like China in terms of obsession with the material; nationalistic xenophobes also.

Edited May 9, 2008 by Trevor

[calmichael]

I posted this in the Real Estate Section. But, I would like everyone to know. This can happen to anyione. Things do change drastically.

Here's my experience on relationship with a livein and building a house and having a future.

I knew a TG for over 7 years. I lived with her for over 4 years, been with her for 3 years on my trips to LOS. When I decided to move to Thailand in February 2004 things were great with her. After about 10 months or so I decided to sell my condo in Jomtein (big mistake). So we decided to move up north by her home in the Phetchabun area. We built a excellent nice bungalow. Had everything there. Granite flooring countertops, satellite, all new furnishings for the house. The area was building up so there was a few things for farangs to do. I was leary on building a house in a TG's name so I had it put in a corporation. Then about a 1 1/2 years later my livein mentioned she had some land. We could build a house on it, cheaper and save some money from the sale of the house, I had built. I figured things were great and had no problems. So I sold the house and her relatives built a house. They did a horseshit job on building it. But, I hired a thai guy to come in and replace and fix the fuc_kups on the builders they did. So things were great. Life was good so far. Then about a 1/1/2 later she started getting moody. In January 2008 she started giving me the silent treatment. After a bit, I asked what's the problem. The response is "Nothing". So after 2 months or more of the cold treatment and her comng to bed at 1, 2 or 3 in the morning and being a starfish. I started getting mad. I was giving her around 7,000 or 8,000 baht a month. Which is good for up there. Since the average thai joe makes about 4,000 a month. So I told her, I don't give any money to someone I don't talk to and money to someone who doesn't want to come to bed. I kept asking her all the time. What is the problem and we could work things out. Still she would say nothing or just ignore me and walk away. So around April 1st. I didn't give her money. Then things really went bad. So I decided to move out. I had to get my stuff out of there. So a friend that lived by me bought some of the larger items and helped me get a truck to get out of there. When he was going to get the stuff. There was a problem. Even with receipts in my name for the beds, satellite, water tank pump, TV, tables, refrigerator, washer and other things. They are not mine. Because it's in her house. I finally worked out a deal with her. So I could sell the things. So I would have some cash to get the <deleted> out of the village. In the process on the day my friend and his wife came to pickup the stuff she brought a long a policeman to fill out a list of the things I could take. My girl had to sign it. Otherwise, if she didn't sign it. I couldn't sell it and I could not take anything. While signing, her mom was there and her mom was giving problems. Telling my girl what to do. So on that day most of the larger things were sold & my things I wanted were packed up in a pickup to move to Pattaya.

Finally I got a little response from the girl as to what the problem is. Her mom was finishing her thai boyfriend and she needed a place to live. So it's easier to give me the boot and let her mom have the house. Since her mom has the house, my girl is now in BKK working with her sister. I told her why she didn't tell me this before. If she needed more cash I could give her more and we could have worked out things between us. There was no working out. Her mom wanted the house, more money and everything. I told her I could give more money to her so she could give it to her mom. Her 2 sisters could give some to her mom and her useless brother could send some money to her mom. But, no way. I am a farang so her sisters and brother don't have to. I think her mom has told her 2 daughters to also finish there thai husbands. So she could get more money.

Here is a good example or two on how f****n bullshit before the move. I was cleaning up the house because I knew I was leaving. So I seen a recycling guy in a truck to stop by. Take the plastic (a lot of Pepsi Max bottles), scrap steel that sat by the house for 8 months and some empty coffee cans from the states that was in a cupboard for over a year. Her mom seen them come by and she flipped out. My girl came and said why are you selling now. I just said I was cleaning things up so it wouldn't look like junk around there. Her mom was still mad. But I did get 300 baht from the recycle guy. I was also told my girl and her mom took my motorbike to a motorcycle shop to see what they could get. Good thing my bike was in my name. She couldn't sell it.

So after everything is done & over. Seven years with a girl you have been with. Who you think really loves you and trust. Will give you the walking papers in a flash of a eye. Or her mom tells her daughter to finish you immediately. I lose a house approximately 600,000 to 700,000 baht, a Nissan car that needs to be fixed, my mental health was f****d (didn't have much to begin with) and a few other things.

My advice to anyone. No one is safe with a thai girl with a relationship. They will try to get as much as you can. In building a house for board members up north or a girls village. Expect to lose as much as you can afford. Or as much as you can walk away.

I will also put a disclaimer on this. Not all girls will do this. There are some good girls out there. Good luck to everyone one with there relationship and building a house. You might be in the same situation. After the house is done. So are you.

Outstanding and well written post. Sorry to hear about your troubles.

My first bit of advice from a very old timer in Thailand was weather it be women or places to live, always be a renter in Thailand. It's been difficult to follow that advice, but so far so good. I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Anyway....Best of luck to ya bro!

[DragonQuest]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Sounds good to me! fill me in on the details! Where can I find one?^^

[JSixpack]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

[calmichael]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

I rent my house in Pattaya. I rent my bike. I pay my landlord for my internet connection and for my utilities. I never sign more than a 6 month lease, even if it costs a bit more. I use my ATM from an American bank. I have a small Thai bank account for emergency money needs - not too much more than walking around money. I take care of my girlfriends day to day needs, and pay our expenses, but she gets no allowance. I have to say that if she wants something I rarely say no. But in relative terms, it really does not amount to much. If I want to do some traveling, she waits for me in Issan. If she can do better, I say.. like 'Uncle Festus' - "I don't care."

I love her, but I am too old to start over. Some cognitive dissonance there? Maybe. lol

Every material possession that I have here in Thailand can fit in a carry-on bag. I've been here for 4 years. My first Thai/Bangkok girlfriend taught me a lot. Very pretty and sexy... and knew how to make a buck. My fees to her for my education were not anywhere near what some board members have paid. Only a flesh wound. lol

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

Thanks to all for some well thought out posts and some great discussion. Life is good. :-)~~

[aries27]

a postscript.

i am not saying filipino girlfriends will be perfect, or indonesians, etc. some will turn out the same as their thai counterparts. same same, if you spoil them. and there are lots of girls in PH who think and act that way. unless probably you get to meet someone whom you regard as equal the way you would treat a wife/GF from your own country, it is difficult not to fall into this pitfall... but to some it may not be a pitfall at all... so it really depends. every relationship is unique.

as what they say in treating puppies, to some women, the dictum should be... be gentle and love them, but be firm... oh well, cant find any other comparison right now...haha.. you get the idea...

gosh, my mind is truly exhausted now...if i post some more, it will be of inferior quality so i think i should stop for now.. teehee..

[mistresserika]

Larryst. I hope that you are going to take this woman to court to get what's yours, back.

Eric1949 (suing a thai lady) seems to be doing just fine with his problem.

Don't let her and her family get away with it.

[Larryst]

I haven't talked to my ex livein for awhile. I did talk to a thai lawyer and showed him all the receipts and everything. He said no problem. That I would win in court. He said he would call the girl and talk to her. He told her about my rights and what I could do. He said he will call her back in a couple days. So she can think about everything. Then ask her for a agreeable agreement between both of us.

Larryst. I hope that you are going to take this woman to court to get what's yours, back.

Eric1949 (suing a thai lady) seems to be doing just fine with his problem.

Don't let her and her family get away with it.

[wamberal]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

I rent my house in Pattaya. I rent my bike. I pay my landlord for my internet connection and for my utilities. I never sign more than a 6 month lease, even if it costs a bit more. I use my ATM from an American bank. I have a small Thai bank account for emergency money needs - not too much more than walking around money. I take care of my girlfriends day to day needs, and pay our expenses, but she gets no allowance. I have to say that if she wants something I rarely say no. But in relative terms, it really does not amount to much. If I want to do some traveling, she waits for me in Issan. If she can do better, I say.. like 'Uncle Festus' - "I don't care."

I love her, but I am too old to start over. Some cognitive dissonance there? Maybe. lol

Every material possession that I have here in Thailand can fit in a carry-on bag. I've been here for 4 years. My first Thai/Bangkok girlfriend taught me a lot. Very pretty and sexy... and knew how to make a buck. My fees to her for my education were not anywhere near what some board members have paid. Only a flesh wound. lol

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

Thanks to all for some well thought out posts and some great discussion. Life is good. :-)~~

Who are you going to trust, who is going to take care of you, when you are too old to look after yourself?

[grantbkk]

A guy named Robert met a waitress in a bar more than two years ago in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Last year he actually moved there to be with her. He rented a larger apartment to accommodate his new family. They were supposed to get married but the date is always being put off. He has no friends there besides his 28 year old virgin fiancé and her family. For two years, after he had her quit work, he has been rolling with a posse of about 14 to 16 family members. Weekends at the beach, dinners, cruises were the norm. He pays for everything and no one speaks a bit of English except for the girlfriend.

I have to remind you at this point that she doesn’t stay in his apartment because she has to take care of the family. So he is virtually alone. Her older brother has a 4 year old son who calls him mom since the bother’s wife fled the scene. The boy was calling Robert “daddy” because they were together a lot.

Did I mention that they haven’t had sex yet? But they are in love. They each have traditional gold rings with each others name on them. He bought her a diamond engagement ring for $2,600 which is a small fortune in Cambodia. She is fully decked out in nice clothes, styles hair and jewelry everyday. She found the mother load. This includes a new motorcycle, the preferred transport there. She is sickly too so he has medical bills to pay. Oh yeah. hasn’t consummated the relationship yet.

Two months ago while I was in Phnom Penh I decided to get to the bottom of this romance. I started asking around and was able to buy some information. The fiancé is married to the older brother who is really just her husband. The virgin is the actual mother of the 4 year old. She has no intention of marrying Robert or divorcing her husband.

Armed with this information I just kept my mouth shut and waited. Finally two weeks ago someone in Phnom Penh who knew the truth called Robert and after confronting the virgin he dumped her. Probably everyone they came into contact with was aware of everything but since they were eating and drinking for free no one said a work for more than two years.

[jayjayjayjay]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

I rent my house in Pattaya. I rent my bike. I pay my landlord for my internet connection and for my utilities. I never sign more than a 6 month lease, even if it costs a bit more. I use my ATM from an American bank. I have a small Thai bank account for emergency money needs - not too much more than walking around money. I take care of my girlfriends day to day needs, and pay our expenses, but she gets no allowance. I have to say that if she wants something I rarely say no. But in relative terms, it really does not amount to much. If I want to do some traveling, she waits for me in Issan. If she can do better, I say.. like 'Uncle Festus' - "I don't care."

I love her, but I am too old to start over. Some cognitive dissonance there? Maybe. lol

Every material possession that I have here in Thailand can fit in a carry-on bag. I've been here for 4 years. My first Thai/Bangkok girlfriend taught me a lot. Very pretty and sexy... and knew how to make a buck. My fees to her for my education were not anywhere near what some board members have paid. Only a flesh wound. lol

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

Thanks to all for some well thought out posts and some great discussion. Life is good. :-)~~

That's about what it adds up too

grantbkk......... I sometimes wonder how many idiots like Robert really dont deserve our sympathy. "The Virgin" must have had some signs of stretch marks or the likes etc. Where has his brain been for the last 2 years?

Edited May 10, 2008 by jayjayjayjay

[grantbkk]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

I rent my house in Pattaya. I rent my bike. I pay my landlord for my internet connection and for my utilities. I never sign more than a 6 month lease, even if it costs a bit more. I use my ATM from an American bank. I have a small Thai bank account for emergency money needs - not too much more than walking around money. I take care of my girlfriends day to day needs, and pay our expenses, but she gets no allowance. I have to say that if she wants something I rarely say no. But in relative terms, it really does not amount to much. If I want to do some traveling, she waits for me in Issan. If she can do better, I say.. like 'Uncle Festus' - "I don't care."

I love her, but I am too old to start over. Some cognitive dissonance there? Maybe. lol

Every material possession that I have here in Thailand can fit in a carry-on bag. I've been here for 4 years. My first Thai/Bangkok girlfriend taught me a lot. Very pretty and sexy... and knew how to make a buck. My fees to her for my education were not anywhere near what some board members have paid. Only a flesh wound. lol

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

Thanks to all for some well thought out posts and some great discussion. Life is good. :-)~~

That's about what it adds up too

grantbkk......... I sometimes wonder how many idiots like Robert really dont deserve our sympathy. "The Virgin" must have had some signs of stretch marks or the likes etc. Where has his brain been for the last 2 years?

Robert was and remains a good source of experiences one wants to avoid anywhere in the world. To answer your question, thinking does not enter into the equation. He once had another "good girl" who wanted a nose job. I must again mention they were taking it slow so of course he wasn't having sex with her but they did spend a lot of time at the Emporium Mall. We were having dinner when he told me he paid Bt40,000 for the nose job. I asked if he had a receipt but I already knew the answer. I immediately called a doctor who is a surgeon here in Bangkok. I asked him about the cost of a nose job. He said that if she got hit face on by a BTS train the reconstruction would be Bt20,000 to Bt25,000 to reconstruct her nose. A normal nose job would cost no more than Bt20,000. Robert asked her about getting a receipt but he never got one. That relationship ended suddenly when she supposedly was taking care of a sick friend that turned out to be a man friend. It was one of those awkward encounters when he saw her dancing with the Friend at the CM2 disco.

[ngeean]

I posted this in the Real Estate Section. But, I would like everyone to know. This can happen to anyione. Things do change drastically.

Here's my experience on relationship with a livein and building a house and having a future.

I knew a TG for over 7 years. I lived with her for over 4 years, been with her for 3 years on my trips to LOS. When I decided to move to Thailand in February 2004 things were great with her. After about 10 months or so I decided to sell my condo in Jomtein (big mistake). So we decided to move up north by her home in the Phetchabun area. We built a excellent nice bungalow. Had everything there. Granite flooring countertops, satellite, all new furnishings for the house. The area was building up so there was a few things for farangs to do. I was leary on building a house in a TG's name so I had it put in a corporation. Then about a 1 1/2 years later my livein mentioned she had some land. We could build a house on it, cheaper and save some money from the sale of the house, I had built. I figured things were great and had no problems. So I sold the house and her relatives built a house. They did a horseshit job on building it. But, I hired a thai guy to come in and replace and fix the fuc_kups on the builders they did. So things were great. Life was good so far. Then about a 1/1/2 later she started getting moody. In January 2008 she started giving me the silent treatment. After a bit, I asked what's the problem. The response is "Nothing". So after 2 months or more of the cold treatment and her comng to bed at 1, 2 or 3 in the morning and being a starfish. I started getting mad. I was giving her around 7,000 or 8,000 baht a month. Which is good for up there. Since the average thai joe makes about 4,000 a month. So I told her, I don't give any money to someone I don't talk to and money to someone who doesn't want to come to bed. I kept asking her all the time. What is the problem and we could work things out. Still she would say nothing or just ignore me and walk away. So around April 1st. I didn't give her money. Then things really went bad. So I decided to move out. I had to get my stuff out of there. So a friend that lived by me bought some of the larger items and helped me get a truck to get out of there. When he was going to get the stuff. There was a problem. Even with receipts in my name for the beds, satellite, water tank pump, TV, tables, refrigerator, washer and other things. They are not mine. Because it's in her house. I finally worked out a deal with her. So I could sell the things. So I would have some cash to get the <deleted> out of the village. In the process on the day my friend and his wife came to pickup the stuff she brought a long a policeman to fill out a list of the things I could take. My girl had to sign it. Otherwise, if she didn't sign it. I couldn't sell it and I could not take anything. While signing, her mom was there and her mom was giving problems. Telling my girl what to do. So on that day most of the larger things were sold & my things I wanted were packed up in a pickup to move to Pattaya.

Finally I got a little response from the girl as to what the problem is. Her mom was finishing her thai boyfriend and she needed a place to live. So it's easier to give me the boot and let her mom have the house. Since her mom has the house, my girl is now in BKK working with her sister. I told her why she didn't tell me this before. If she needed more cash I could give her more and we could have worked out things between us. There was no working out. Her mom wanted the house, more money and everything. I told her I could give more money to her so she could give it to her mom. Her 2 sisters could give some to her mom and her useless brother could send some money to her mom. But, no way. I am a farang so her sisters and brother don't have to. I think her mom has told her 2 daughters to also finish there thai husbands. So she could get more money.

Here is a good example or two on how f****n bullshit before the move. I was cleaning up the house because I knew I was leaving. So I seen a recycling guy in a truck to stop by. Take the plastic (a lot of Pepsi Max bottles), scrap steel that sat by the house for 8 months and some empty coffee cans from the states that was in a cupboard for over a year. Her mom seen them come by and she flipped out. My girl came and said why are you selling now. I just said I was cleaning things up so it wouldn't look like junk around there. Her mom was still mad. But I did get 300 baht from the recycle guy. I was also told my girl and her mom took my motorbike to a motorcycle shop to see what they could get. Good thing my bike was in my name. She couldn't sell it.

So after everything is done & over. Seven years with a girl you have been with. Who you think really loves you and trust. Will give you the walking papers in a flash of a eye. Or her mom tells her daughter to finish you immediately. I lose a house approximately 600,000 to 700,000 baht, a Nissan car that needs to be fixed, my mental health was f****d (didn't have much to begin with) and a few other things.

My advice to anyone. No one is safe with a thai girl with a relationship. They will try to get as much as you can. In building a house for board members up north or a girls village. Expect to lose as much as you can afford. Or as much as you can walk away.

I will also put a disclaimer on this. Not all girls will do this. There are some good girls out there. Good luck to everyone one with there relationship and building a house. You might be in the same situation. After the house is done. So are you.

[a2396]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

I rent my house in Pattaya. I rent my bike. I pay my landlord for my internet connection and for my utilities. I never sign more than a 6 month lease, even if it costs a bit more. I use my ATM from an American bank. I have a small Thai bank account for emergency money needs - not too much more than walking around money. I take care of my girlfriends day to day needs, and pay our expenses, but she gets no allowance. I have to say that if she wants something I rarely say no. But in relative terms, it really does not amount to much. If I want to do some traveling, she waits for me in Issan. If she can do better, I say.. like 'Uncle Festus' - "I don't care."

I love her, but I am too old to start over. Some cognitive dissonance there? Maybe. lol

Every material possession that I have here in Thailand can fit in a carry-on bag. I've been here for 4 years. My first Thai/Bangkok girlfriend taught me a lot. Very pretty and sexy... and knew how to make a buck. My fees to her for my education were not anywhere near what some board members have paid. Only a flesh wound. lol

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

Thanks to all for some well thought out posts and some great discussion. Life is good. :-)~~

That's about what it adds up too

grantbkk......... I sometimes wonder how many idiots like Robert really dont deserve our sympathy. "The Virgin" must have had some signs of stretch marks or the likes etc. Where has his brain been for the last 2 years?

He said they never had sex. Likely he never saw her with her clothes off in the daylight. I had one like this, never would even see her in her underwear in the daylight. Additionally, not all women have stretch marks.

[jstumbo]

Probably everyone they came into contact with was aware of everything but since they were eating and drinking for free no one said a work for more than two years.

You, a non involved 3rd party, did not say anything, why would someone that is getting something out of it say anything?

[grantbkk]

Probably everyone they came into contact with was aware of everything but since they were eating and drinking for free no one said a work for more than two years.

You, a non involved 3rd party, did not say anything, why would someone that is getting something out of it say anything?

I admit it was somewhat of a cowardly, selfish decision on my part however everyone knew it was destined to end badly anyway. He is always in these types of relationships and when we tell him our opinion he thinks we are either nuts or have some ulterior motive like jealously for trying to bring him down. I've seen him flip out on people who try to get him to think about what he is doing.

In this case me and others gave it a lot of thought before we decided to seer clear of being the messenger. We rationalized the fact that he was again happy and not spending out of pattern or more than he could afford. I was actually regretting looking into the relationship and was relieved a few weeks later when some girl in Phnom Penh "dropped a dime" on his fiancé and told him the truth. It may have been the wrong decision but it was a conscious one.

[jstumbo]

I think from your description about his history, I would have probably done the same.

[onzestan]

Different perspective.

Once had a girl living in, and after some heated discussion I told her OK that's it, it's me or the family!

She started packing and when I asked her why, she said : I can find many boyfriends, but have only ONE family.

cheers

onzestan

[sylviex]

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever.If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

The only power ?

Seems to me many of the stories here demonstrate precisely the opposite; that is, money cannot buy the love or trust of others and thus it is misleading to think of it as a means of power in relationships. Without love and trust, what is old age -or any age- worth ?

Why can older men not have other kinds of "power" ?

No matter how conditioned a person might be to the belief that responsibility to family is paramanount, I think there must always be feelings and instincts that will work against pretending to love and be happy to sleep with someone you do not love romantically or physically desire. There is surely also an inborn desire for a life and a relationship that is more freely chosen and an attraction (of all kinds, including the physical) that is more natural and mutual. That is why these relationships end or run into difficulties, often with deceptions involved. Of course they do-- they have been based on delusions and pretences all along.

Not to say that money does not bring some forms of power, of course; it's the very imbalance of financial power that permits these relationships and their accompanying fatal flaws. Where both parties have equal financial power and independence, they have little motive to feign love for money or security. That brings a very different kind of power to both.

But then, we all know that, don't we ? .

Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

This implies women have other powers when "past a certain age". I am wondering what these might be ?

Edited May 10, 2008 by sylviex

[qwertz]

The basic idea of a successful relationship is that two people living together enhance and take care of each other and are therefore

more powerful than two people living alone.

Since this seldom works out in practice and usually only takes a week or so to determine is why I generally live alone and play

elsewhere.

There doesn't have to be love but trust and friendship are essential. If you don't have these, any notions of love are only an illusion.

[Heng]

A guy named Robert met a waitress in a bar more than two years ago in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Last year he actually moved there to be with her. He rented a larger apartment to accommodate his new family. They were supposed to get married but the date is always being put off. He has no friends there besides his 28 year old virgin fiancé and her family. For two years, after he had her quit work, he has been rolling with a posse of about 14 to 16 family members. Weekends at the beach, dinners, cruises were the norm. He pays for everything and no one speaks a bit of English except for the girlfriend.

I have to remind you at this point that she doesn’t stay in his apartment because she has to take care of the family. So he is virtually alone. Her older brother has a 4 year old son who calls him mom since the bother’s wife fled the scene. The boy was calling Robert “daddy” because they were together a lot.

Did I mention that they haven’t had sex yet? But they are in love. They each have traditional gold rings with each others name on them. He bought her a diamond engagement ring for $2,600 which is a small fortune in Cambodia. She is fully decked out in nice clothes, styles hair and jewelry everyday. She found the mother load. This includes a new motorcycle, the preferred transport there. She is sickly too so he has medical bills to pay. Oh yeah. hasn’t consummated the relationship yet.

Two months ago while I was in Phnom Penh I decided to get to the bottom of this romance. I started asking around and was able to buy some information. The fiancé is married to the older brother who is really just her husband. The virgin is the actual mother of the 4 year old. She has no intention of marrying Robert or divorcing her husband.

Armed with this information I just kept my mouth shut and waited. Finally two weeks ago someone in Phnom Penh who knew the truth called Robert and after confronting the virgin he dumped her. Probably everyone they came into contact with was aware of everything but since they were eating and drinking for free no one said a work for more than two years.

Curiously, what cruise line was he using and wow many stars would they rate?

[wolfmanjack]

I have a live-in. But if she goes, she goes with only my best wishes and a few thousand baht.

Oh, the naivety. Always good for a smile.

I rent my house in Pattaya. I rent my bike. I pay my landlord for my internet connection and for my utilities. I never sign more than a 6 month lease, even if it costs a bit more. I use my ATM from an American bank. I have a small Thai bank account for emergency money needs - not too much more than walking around money. I take care of my girlfriends day to day needs, and pay our expenses, but she gets no allowance. I have to say that if she wants something I rarely say no. But in relative terms, it really does not amount to much. If I want to do some traveling, she waits for me in Issan. If she can do better, I say.. like 'Uncle Festus' - "I don't care."

I love her, but I am too old to start over. Some cognitive dissonance there? Maybe. lol

Every material possession that I have here in Thailand can fit in a carry-on bag. I've been here for 4 years. My first Thai/Bangkok girlfriend taught me a lot. Very pretty and sexy... and knew how to make a buck. My fees to her for my education were not anywhere near what some board members have paid. Only a flesh wound. lol

If you want to settle down, great...but keep your money and keep your power. That goes for life in Thailand, U.S., Europe, Asia... wherever. Past a certain age, it's the only power we (men) have.

Thanks to all for some well thought out posts and some great discussion. Life is good. :-)~~

That's about what it adds up too

grantbkk......... I sometimes wonder how many idiots like Robert really dont deserve our sympathy. "The Virgin" must have had some signs of stretch marks or the likes etc. Where has his brain been for the last 2 years?

Stretch marks ??? I would guess it depends how old she was when she had the kids. We have 2 kids and my wife does not have any stretch marks to show for it.

[TUCKER]

I posted this in the Real Estate Section. But, I would like everyone to know. This can happen to anyione. Things do change drastically.

Here's my experience on relationship with a livein and building a house and having a future.

I knew a TG for over 7 years. I lived with her for over 4 years, been with her for 3 years on my trips to LOS. When I decided to move to Thailand in February 2004 things were great with her. After about 10 months or so I decided to sell my condo in Jomtein (big mistake). So we decided to move up north by her home in the Phetchabun area. We built a excellent nice bungalow. Had everything there. Granite flooring countertops, satellite, all new furnishings for the house. The area was building up so there was a few things for farangs to do. I was leary on building a house in a TG's name so I had it put in a corporation. Then about a 1 1/2 years later my livein mentioned she had some land. We could build a house on it, cheaper and save some money from the sale of the house, I had built. I figured things were great and had no problems. So I sold the house and her relatives built a house. They did a horseshit job on building it. But, I hired a thai guy to come in and replace and fix the fuc_kups on the builders they did. So things were great. Life was good so far. Then about a 1/1/2 later she started getting moody. In January 2008 she started giving me the silent treatment. After a bit, I asked what's the problem. The response is "Nothing". So after 2 months or more of the cold treatment and her comng to bed at 1, 2 or 3 in the morning and being a starfish. I started getting mad. I was giving her around 7,000 or 8,000 baht a month. Which is good for up there. Since the average thai joe makes about 4,000 a month. So I told her, I don't give any money to someone I don't talk to and money to someone who doesn't want to come to bed. I kept asking her all the time. What is the problem and we could work things out. Still she would say nothing or just ignore me and walk away. So around April 1st. I didn't give her money. Then things really went bad. So I decided to move out. I had to get my stuff out of there. So a friend that lived by me bought some of the larger items and helped me get a truck to get out of there. When he was going to get the stuff. There was a problem. Even with receipts in my name for the beds, satellite, water tank pump, TV, tables, refrigerator, washer and other things. They are not mine. Because it's in her house. I finally worked out a deal with her. So I could sell the things. So I would have some cash to get the <deleted> out of the village. In the process on the day my friend and his wife came to pickup the stuff she brought a long a policeman to fill out a list of the things I could take. My girl had to sign it. Otherwise, if she didn't sign it. I couldn't sell it and I could not take anything. While signing, her mom was there and her mom was giving problems. Telling my girl what to do. So on that day most of the larger things were sold & my things I wanted were packed up in a pickup to move to Pattaya.

Finally I got a little response from the girl as to what the problem is. Her mom was finishing her thai boyfriend and she needed a place to live. So it's easier to give me the boot and let her mom have the house. Since her mom has the house, my girl is now in BKK working with her sister. I told her why she didn't tell me this before. If she needed more cash I could give her more and we could have worked out things between us. There was no working out. Her mom wanted the house, more money and everything. I told her I could give more money to her so she could give it to her mom. Her 2 sisters could give some to her mom and her useless brother could send some money to her mom. But, no way. I am a farang so her sisters and brother don't have to. I think her mom has told her 2 daughters to also finish there thai husbands. So she could get more money.

Here is a good example or two on how f****n bullshit before the move. I was cleaning up the house because I knew I was leaving. So I seen a recycling guy in a truck to stop by. Take the plastic (a lot of Pepsi Max bottles), scrap steel that sat by the house for 8 months and some empty coffee cans from the states that was in a cupboard for over a year. Her mom seen them come by and she flipped out. My girl came and said why are you selling now. I just said I was cleaning things up so it wouldn't look like junk around there. Her mom was still mad. But I did get 300 baht from the recycle guy. I was also told my girl and her mom took my motorbike to a motorcycle shop to see what they could get. Good thing my bike was in my name. She couldn't sell it.

So after everything is done & over. Seven years with a girl you have been with. Who you think really loves you and trust. Will give you the walking papers in a flash of a eye. Or her mom tells her daughter to finish you immediately. I lose a house approximately 600,000 to 700,000 baht, a Nissan car that needs to be fixed, my mental health was f****d (didn't have much to begin with) and a few other things.

My advice to anyone. No one is safe with a thai girl with a relationship. They will try to get as much as you can. In building a house for board members up north or a girls village. Expect to lose as much as you can afford. Or as much as you can walk away.

I will also put a disclaimer on this. Not all girls will do this. There are some good girls out there. Good luck to everyone one with there relationship and building a house. You might be in the same situation. After the house is done. So are you.

-----------

Sorry to hear about your plight. Really, I can relate.

However take a number, there is a long line forming.

I would like to make a few comments about Thai women but don't want a vacation right now so use your imagination.

Again very sorry to hear about this. Trust me, things will get better now that she's out of your life.

I know...

they are patient wee ba*tar@s

[kesher]

larryst

I always thought the girls only think about money or anything from day to day. Have a million baht one day and nothing the next day. I think it was probably a long term investment. Normally a guy would think 7 years he would have a little bit of influence in the relationship. But, the influence and the greed of the mother is over powering. I did ask her, if her mom really cares about her. To tell her to go back to work. I also mention about health problems and a few other things. All she said was. I have to do to take care of my family. then I said from that, your mom really doesn't care one thing about you. But, money. When your done working or can not work and have no money. You will be lucky. Because then your mom won't need you any more.

i would recommend a reading of Neils Mulders book , "Inside Thai Society" and in particular , the chapter entitled " Holy Mother , Mother Dear , How To Be A Thai Mother " for an insight into , among other things , family relationships and the moral debt that children ( are made to) feel towards their mothers , and how , in what appears to be a male dominated society , it is in fact the women that run show here , and that many men remain boys , a kind of grown up son to their spouses.

Yes; but also bear this in mind whilst farang husbands are often expected to help their Thai wives' families, usually financially, don't think Thai wives will necessarily return the favour (non financially). They can deem your family, mother to be a bloody nuisance. There are Thai ex pat websites where you can often see them moan about their farang husbands' mothers.

Holy Thai Mother: YES; Holy Farang Mother: NO

Edited May 11, 2008 by kesher

[LaoPo]

There are also probably equal amounts of "gold-digging" in the west and other parts of the world.

Possibly; but most gold diggin' girls in the west don't have sick buffalo's back home.

LaoPo