A 'virgin'

[Nampeung]

If someone lies to you on this scale they will always have the ability to lie... hurtful though it may be, I would break it off now if I was you Intumult

[banyahorn]

ok

ive got to have a go at this one

ive been/am in a similar situation

trust is the foundation you build a relationship on

if its not rock solid then the whole thing crumbles somewhere down the track

every lie or deceitful action chips away at this foundation

its a cumulative effect

all the little ones add up to one big one and down she comes

you can forgive abuse of trust

but that only polishes your halo - it doesnt change the other person

if you really want to spend 'forever' with someone then you must have faith they are acting in your interests as well

so

a dark night of the souls is in order

lay it all out on the table

'this is what i want - no games'

'what do you really want, honestly - no more lies'

can we get there together?

yes- ok, give it a go

no - ok, at least we know each other and maybe can remain friends

also make it clear no more deception will be tolerated

go to the temple and get this confirmed by a head monk

suggest it yourself first - if she doesnt want to, shes not genuine

make it clear that if you cant trust her, then, whats the point

openness and honest - rare commodities in the Land Of Lies [LOL]

i think family conditioning dictates the actions of many thai girls

=go and find a farang to sponsor the family and yourself=

or else your not a good daughter, youre a disgrace

if she can break from that you have a chance

if she cant - let her know your not the one to play the 'golden farang'

how will you know?

by how much is given without wanting return - the same way you play it

if the hand comes out at the end of the month - look out

thats my advice based on my experiences to date

any lessons learned - ill let you know

chok dee

[ChangMaiSausage]

Walk away big man the damage is already done, there will only be tears at the end be it today, tomorrow next year.

Plenty more fish in the sea + with all the bad catches you've had there must be one good one to be hooked.

Good luck

[way2muchcoffee]

ok

ive got to have a go at this one

ive been/am in a similar situation

trust is the foundation you build a relationship on

if its not rock solid then the whole thing crumbles somewhere down the track

every lie or deceitful action chips away at this foundation

its a cumulative effect

all the little ones add up to one big one and down she comes

you can forgive abuse of trust

but that only polishes your halo - it doesnt change the other person

if you really want to spend 'forever' with someone then you must have faith they are acting in your interests as well

so

a dark night of the souls is in order

lay it all out on the table

'this is what i want - no games'

'what do you really want, honestly - no more lies'

can we get there together?

yes- ok, give it a go

no - ok, at least we know each other and maybe can remain friends

also make it clear no more deception will be tolerated

go to the temple and get this confirmed by a head monk

suggest it yourself first - if she doesnt want to, shes not genuine

make it clear that if you cant trust her, then, whats the point

openness and honest - rare commodities in the Land Of Lies [LOL]

i think family conditioning dictates the actions of many thai girls

=go and find a farang to sponsor the family and yourself=

or else your not a good daughter, youre a disgrace

if she can break from that you have a chance

if she cant - let her know your not the one to play the 'golden farang'

how will you know?

by how much is given without wanting return - the same way you play it

if the hand comes out at the end of the month - look out

thats my advice based on my experiences to date

any lessons learned - ill let you know

chok dee

Very solid advice. i couldn't have said it any better myself.

[Beardog]

Great White(Once bitten twice shy album) had a song they made for you : Take a walk take a long & lonely walk You gotta take a walk.

Be selective with your lovers & watch your heart!

you got off way cheap.

It could have been the 4 million bungalow , The Toyota truck & the rest of your bank acct.

If a girl is really a virgin she probably isn't apt to make a big deal about it anyway Mai?

Not really my business ,but I sure as hel_l wouldn't marry in a 4 month period.

4-10 year tryout perfect. been over 4 years with my girl that lives with me.and still no hurry to get married!

Just a thought.

Edited May 11, 2008 by Beardog

[Scott]

You need to get out of this situation as quickly as you can. She has taken serious advantage of you. You didn't do anything wrong, she did, and kept doing it and doing it to you.

Best of luck to you.

[rick75]

I would walk away, if she was keen on you for anything other than money she would have let you tap her and as a lot of the guys say, you don't wind in a big fish too quick, so just because she appears not to be interested in your cash now this does not mean she is not 100% focused on it. How could you ever trust a person like that ever again, it takes a special kind of person to lie like that.

[lannarebirth]

You need to get out of this situation as quickly as you can. She has taken serious advantage of you. You didn't do anything wrong, she did, and kept doing it and doing it to you.

Best of luck to you.

To add to that, I would say that if he were to stay with this girl past today, that anything that occurs subsequently WILL BE his fault.

[intumult]

I'll try answer some of the replies.

None of these ladies work in bars!!! (maybe I'd be better off going to BG land and getting one).

it is a horizontal C-scar. There are plenty about.

4 months? Why did it take so long?

Obvious really. I tried to respect the girl from the 1st no kissing episode right through until Friday night / Saturday morning when her underwear got removed.

She stated time and again about no shaggy_shaggy ( a phrase she and a Thai friend of mine use). So, there was no playing around below the waist, though I did try often enough previously as I was horny as <deleted>, but she said 'mai ow' and when a lady says no, you have to respect that, or sexually assault / rape her.

GH is right in what he says.

Thing is, she and the family spun and perpetuated the original lie into a series of lies to keep the story up. They even told the same lies to my friend when sin-sot discussions took place.

Using a talking dictionary. ??????????????????????

Have YOU tried discussing a C-section with a Thai? No? Then don't criticise me for using one in situations where there is a need for more than basic Thai !!

Update.

She is no longer my g/f.

Her number has been removed from my phone and computer. I now have no way of contacting her except to see her in person and I will not do that now.

We met and talked and I appreciate she did what she did initially because she believed I would not want her if I knew she has 2 children. She wanted to keep me and marry me so the lies were perpetuated.

The no sex rule was until we were married - and she has phoned my Thai mate to tell him this since the meeting also in the hope I would wait (as I had told her today, you are no virgin, have had kids but refuse to let me have full sex, so, no sex, no relationship, no marriage). She is adamant on no sexual intercourse and I have to respect her for that, albeit grudgingly now.

Added to that things had gone reasonably prior to me stating that about sex.

My thought was that I was going to delay the marriage indefinitely until her truthfulness was tested and found to be honest, but I was not going to go without sexual intercourse with her or someone

Yes, I was tempted while she was away, but, <deleted>, it never came to that. 4 months without is a long time!!!

I never got round to talking of the actual marriage and my new 'ideas' for that which would have involved no sin-sot, but I was going to suggest a monthly payment to her parents instead. That way I knew I would not be conned to cough up a sin-sot and have her leave soon after - something nthat I understand cand and maybe does happen. I was going to tell her that her previous marriage, her babies, the lack of her 'virginity' and the lies and other factors would pretty much negate my offering money up front.

I will add that these 'lies' tend to be more acceptable for a Thai than us Farang for 'face' purposes, but when the lie begets more lies it makes you stop and think.

I am not angy. I am disappointed. 4 months down the drain and now time to stop, think and look again.

There is a temptation to go for a BG and bring her back to the rented house, but I am not that desperate .... yet!

But it takes time and effort to get to know a lady with a decent job / a 'normal' woman. Even with the help of Thai friends it takes time.

Some of you can sneer if you like but if and when it hapens to you, look at GH post.

OK, that's it for now. Food, shower, shave and off to the pub for a couple (several) and some football

[intumult]

ok

ive got to have a go at this one

ive been/am in a similar situation

trust is the foundation you build a relationship on

if its not rock solid then the whole thing crumbles somewhere down the track

every lie or deceitful action chips away at this foundation

its a cumulative effect

all the little ones add up to one big one and down she comes

you can forgive abuse of trust

but that only polishes your halo - it doesnt change the other person

if you really want to spend 'forever' with someone then you must have faith they are acting in your interests as well

so

a dark night of the souls is in order

lay it all out on the table

'this is what i want - no games'

'what do you really want, honestly - no more lies'

can we get there together?

yes- ok, give it a go

no - ok, at least we know each other and maybe can remain friends

also make it clear no more deception will be tolerated

go to the temple and get this confirmed by a head monk

suggest it yourself first - if she doesnt want to, shes not genuine

make it clear that if you cant trust her, then, whats the point

openness and honest - rare commodities in the Land Of Lies [LOL]

i think family conditioning dictates the actions of many thai girls

=go and find a farang to sponsor the family and yourself=

or else your not a good daughter, youre a disgrace

if she can break from that you have a chance

if she cant - let her know your not the one to play the 'golden farang'

how will you know?

by how much is given without wanting return - the same way you play it

if the hand comes out at the end of the month - look out

thats my advice based on my experiences to date

any lessons learned - ill let you know

chok dee

Very solid advice. i couldn't have said it any better myself.

Agreed. Good advice.

Though not always easy to get at the nitty gritty truth.

[rick75]

Hindsight is something many on here judge others with, Intumult I would not let it bother you, they can comment because most have made the same mistakes as you before.

[lannarebirth]

Well, even if you dumped her for selfish reasons rather than honorable reasons, you've removed a lot of future headaches from your life.

[dotcom]

I wouldn't buy a cow without trying the milk. She might be a terrible shag & then where would you be?

[Jefferson]

Good decision.

doubts and Thai ladies seem to run hand in hand, all you have to do is read ThaiVisa to know that.

If that was "doubts and Farangs in Thailand seem to run hand in hand, all you have to do is read ThaiVisa to know that." then you could be on to something.

Anyway, the major concern that you didn't mention is actually that she could be a dud in bed.. NOBODY these days in Thailand waits for marriage, the few exceptions are best discarded or given a final chance, otherwise you will notice there are plenty fish in the sea.

Last word of advice: Stop trying to find a partner in a serial configuration, one after the other, but rather do a parallel approach. Or possibly stop trying to find a fixed partner altogether.. What's the big need?

[way2muchcoffee]

I had told her today, you are no virgin, have had kids but refuse to let me have full sex, so, no sex, no relationship, no marriage.

That about sums it up!

[TUCKER]

It seems the norm for C-section in Thailand is to leave a vertical scar..... unless it's a decent doctor

totster

i've seen both,my friend paid for his girlfriend to get a very ugly vertical scar,cosmetically transformed into a very"neat" horizontal scar.a very happy young lady,she can now go to the beach with friend,she is worth the 65000 it cost to my friend.

[banyahorn]

well

seems like its 'case closed'

the good guy walks away - head held high and minimal wallet damage and minor loss of valuable life time

thats a win on the experience scale

best bet would be to go and have some fun

and promise yourself you wont fall in love for at least 6 months [beware the rebound]

intumult

where are you

ill buy you a beer

[Lucifer]

I wouldn't buy a cow without trying the milk. She might be a terrible shag & then where would you be?

...the cow?[/color]

[LaoPo]

I feel for the OP. He behaved like a gentleman and was framed. He behaved like a gentleman and staid a 'virgin' for 4 months and still didn't get a cookie...

What a waste of time but learned an expensive lesson.

next time: "I want my cookie, or........................I run"

LaoPo

[burman]

He behaved like a gentleman and was framed.

Well, not quite the gentlemen. He started a thread on here the other day about the girlfriend being in Chiang Mai so he was going on a date with another girl.

It was a deleted thread, I assumed the mods considered it a troll.

[LaoPo]

He behaved like a gentleman and was framed.

Well, not quite the gentlemen. He started a thread on here the other day about the girlfriend being in Chiang Mai so he was going on a date with another girl.

It was a deleted thread, I assumed the mods considered it a troll.

I leave it to the OP to explain...a date isn't necessarily 'cheating'. Apart from that, if a 4 months relationship isn't consumed yet, is going out with another girl, cheating ?

LaoPo

[chanman]

My wife had a vertical c-section at a top hospital in Hua Hin and a horizontal at Bamrungrad.

OP - unbelievable story - where do you met your girlfriends?

Hot Cross Bun in the oven next time then

[Doza]

Using a talking dictionary. ??????????????????????

Have YOU tried discussing a C-section with a Thai? No? Then don't criticise me for using one in situations where there is a need for more than basic Thai !!

"A Thai"? It was your wife-tobe!!! So you were going to marry someone who you could only communicate with on a "basic" level? Awesome..................

My thought was that I was going to delay the marriage indefinitely until her truthfulness was tested and found to be honest, but I was not going to go without sexual intercourse with her or someone

What a great start to a marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeeeeeezzzzzzz............

That way I knew I would not be conned to cough up a sin-sot and have her leave soon after - something nthat I understand cand and maybe does happen.

Looks like you guys really had a good base to start sharing your complete lives together in love sharing your hopes and dreams going through trials and tribulations and working through problems, understanding and being there for each other. Hmmmmm..............you were basically paying someone to be with you. Awesome man. You go.

But it takes time and effort to get to know a lady with a decent job / a 'normal' woman. Even with the help of Thai friends it takes time.

Ummmmm.......no sh*t mate. Welcome to the real world of real people and real relationships. Are you even for real????

[JetsetBkk]

This thread and this one ( http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=173325 ) = Dump her.

You know it makes sense.

[pampal]

Best of luck to the OP, at least he found out the truth before it was too late.

[basjke]

I'll try answer some of the replies.

None of these ladies work in bars!!! (maybe I'd be better off going to BG land and getting one).

When I read your posts I also believe they didn't work in bars.They must have owned a consortium of bars as they were the most professional liars I ever heard about.

[britmaveric]

Hmmm I think no shag before marriage bit was more saying I don't want to shag YOU. Anyways thank yourself lucky that you ended up getting off so lightly - could have been much worse.

[Carib]

She lied, her family lied... From now on if you go on with this " thing" you will never be able to trust her or anybody in her family.

You have lost face already, because it is the farang who loses face. Her and her family will stick together, they donot have any other choice right now.

They have been found out and will never ever really tell. It is your fault, whatever they have to do to make it look that way, they will.

Maybe not now, there still is a chance that you..........

Her parents didnot like her staying with you overnight?? Was that really true, or was it someone else, just another lie?

Could be that she still has her ex on the side, but you are a better catch... So her parents played along.

As you know for virgins there is a higher sinsod demand......

I think this whole affair " looking" at her, is a bit `strange` . This is not the behaviour of a grownup woman with responsible feelings.

This is not how a responsible mothers acts, by telling you that her own kids are NOT hers.

You will never be hers too. You will even be further down the scale, further down than her "OWN" kids.

She is a soap opera actress, and with her agenda to do so, and maybe the scriptwriter is after some goodies too ( think boyfriend).

Run while you can, and donot be surprised that if you break up now, you will be asked for compensation.

She took the whole base away, from what maybe could have been a normal and healthy relationship, by behaving the way she did.

In fact the base has never been there , absolutely not from looking through her eyes, or listening to the things which came from her mouth.

She desnot respect you, her parents donot either, maybe also even some of her friends, who may be in this too.

That will be your "enviroment" to live in. Can you do that without even blinking your eyes when something else comes up?? And it will happen, and I think you know that too.

Good luck.

[lardy]

Keeping quiet about "other kids" is not just saved for Farangs. My wife was at a wedding recently two Thais no farangs involved, the bride had a child who was being taken care of by her Mother, the groom and his family has no knowledge of this child at all.

Thais are just a s happy doing this to each other as hapless farangs.

[intumult]

Using a talking dictionary. ??????????????????????

Have YOU tried discussing a C-section with a Thai? No? Then don't criticise me for using one in situations where there is a need for more than basic Thai !!

"A Thai"? It was your wife-tobe!!! So you were going to marry someone who you could only communicate with on a "basic" level? Awesome..................

My thought was that I was going to delay the marriage indefinitely until her truthfulness was tested and found to be honest, but I was not going to go without sexual intercourse with her or someone

What a great start to a marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeeeeeezzzzzzz............

That way I knew I would not be conned to cough up a sin-sot and have her leave soon after - something nthat I understand cand and maybe does happen.

Looks like you guys really had a good base to start sharing your complete lives together in love sharing your hopes and dreams going through trials and tribulations and working through problems, understanding and being there for each other. Hmmmmm..............you were basically paying someone to be with you. Awesome man. You go.

But it takes time and effort to get to know a lady with a decent job / a 'normal' woman. Even with the help of Thai friends it takes time.

Ummmmm.......no sh*t mate. Welcome to the real world of real people and real relationships. Are you even for real????

Doza..., you are a 'chakwow'