I Didn't Go Looking For Love.

[Radius]

Hello all,

I went to Thailand for Thailand and nothing else. I was aware of the sex industry and the many beautiful women in Thailand.

Off course I do not have my eyes in my pocket and I saw those many beautiful women. But also the old white males with the way to young girls.

I saw the ladyboys, the gay bars. I had women say: "Hellooo, you sexy man" to me.

That last thing did very little to me. Even though it is nice when a beautiful lady says something nice to you I never even remotely felt the need to take one of them up on their advances (knowing very well that they would say the same to the next white male coming along).

Very often in the late afternoon I was back at the hotel making use of the pool to cool me down and making use of the refreshments from the pool bar.

And there she was. Not taking orders but writing down every order and making the receipts. And calculating the price at the end of the day of all I had drank and eaten while having fun in the pool with the other people staying in the hotel.

She did not call me a sexy man or make any advances towards me. I just looked, she smiled, so did I and then we would both look away.

She is an independent, self-sufficient and strong women.

After talking with the other ladies at the bar (that also did not make advances or remarks about my 'sexiness') I learned that she is about the same age as I am and the only single women among them.

The other ladies where either married with children or very happy in a relationship.

This did not matter much anymore at that time because I was only interested in her.

Because of both our shyness, only 3 days before I had to go back home we finally started to connect. Her English is very very poor and my Thai is even worse so most communications went through the other ladies at the bar that did speak enough English to understand one another.

"phohm chaawp khoon" (I like you) I told her after the other ladies told me how. They seemed to enjoy my interest in her very much.

At the end of the vacation nothing more then a little holding hands and a few small kisses on the cheek had happened. Telephone numbers, addresses and many more smiles where exchanged before I had to go home with a picture of her she gave me and a postcard with her handwriting on the back in my bag. I off course had several pictures of her on my camera to.

When arriving home I called, to tell her I had a save trip. She was very happy to hear from me again and was excited as I was to 'talk' a little on the phone.

In a few days she will celebrate her birthday. I will send her a present.

I cannot get her out of my head. Nor did I expect that or wanted to.

I feel what I feel and with very little to go on I think she feels the same: This could be the beginning of something beautiful.

I find myself looking up as much as I can about Thailand, Thai customs, possible relational problems, and the language.

I have no real plan, just to return as soon as I can which will be in 1 year at the most (hopefully sooner). And see if what we have is real.

In the mean time we will be in touch through mail, telephone and hopefully email soon as well. Currently I have no idea what I am getting into. I just know I have to see her again and see where this leads.

I felt the need to share this with others in the hope to learn more and maybe get some helpful information.

I have only just started with my info gathering and this is what I got so far:

I will try to update my progress here often and I hope for feedback from you all on how to proceed (or if to proceed at all). Maybe someone has had a similar experience?

Radius

Edited June 3, 2008 by Ijustwannateach
URL's removed.

[burman]

Good luck Radius, I think we all have been in the same position to one degree or another.

[Prakanong]

I know a few guy's who fell for a girl at their hotel, waitress, receptionist etc etc

Good luck - all the ones I know of are still together

The only problem was it stopped their fun and games elsewhere but you are not interested in that so you are fine!

[HowardJohnson]

WTTB and welcome to the head rush that is Thailand!

[learnthaipodcast]

Good luck Radius keep reading this forum and you will come across the same stories over and over again. That will help for sure and make you aware of some common problems. If you learn every day a bit the language isn't that hard to learn as well.

[Ijustwannateach]

OP, congrats. Please be aware that hotlinks to commercial sites are generally not allowed on this forum, and welcome to Thaivisa.

[TheDon]

Good luck, I say you shouldnt be soft and listen to other people saying you should or shouldnt because Thai girls are this or that, grow some nuts and follow your instincts. The way you descibe her she seems nice. Thai girls in general are shy and are good girls. But most people who hang around Pattaya will tell you different and say there after your money etc.

Dont listen to what other people say, just do what you think is right.

[chickenslegs]

And now you will need to develop something of a thick skin.

Ignorant people, Thai and foreigner - even some friends and family members, will make cynical assumptions about you and your Thai girl.

Don't let the bas'ards get you down.

Best of luck to you both

[Radius]

To everyone that posted: thank you, I feel as welcome on these forums as I did in Thailand.

Ijustwannateach: sorry about the URL's. I did not know that.

What I found where several links to language sites and sites about Thai culture and customs.

Bigdog: Sarcasm?

TheDon: Thank you for your advice. I allready decided to persue this to the fullest of my ability before I posted.

I am aware of what people say and eventhough I do not think she is one of the 'bad girls' I will be carefull.

chickenslegs: I am prepared for that.

Do any of you have any things I should be aware of?

For example I learned that a show of affection like holding hands in public is 'not done' in Thailand.

This explains why she didn't want me to hold her hand when we where walking around town. She did not pull back, just very jently made clear she didn't want to.

Edited June 3, 2008 by Radius

[llortami]

all the best mate and goodluck she sounds like a real diamond

take things slowly

Edited June 3, 2008 by llortami

[bruceboy]

Congrats, wish you the best of luck.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Sounds really nice, good luck and hope everything works out great for both of you.

[girlx]

I am surprised you have gotten suc decent responses from this lot, OP! but congrats and good luck in your future adventures in thailand.

[chickenslegs]

Do any of you have any things I should be aware of?

For example I learned that a show of affection like holding hands in public is 'not done' in Thailand.

This explains why she didn't want me to hold her hand when we where walking around town. She did not pull back, just very jently made clear she didn't want to.

If this girl is serious about you, she will also learn some of your 'ways' too. I see lots of Thais (especially yougsters) holding hands - the times they are a changing.

But some things will take time - remember that many people will make assumptions about her just because she is with you. She may find this more difficult to handle than you do - this could by why she is not ready to hold hands yet.

I know this will sound soppy, but holding hands makes me feel really good. After some initial reluctance my g/f (now wife) realised this and we now hold hands wherever we go. If people think this looks odd or is not appropriate, I say f*** em.

[britmaveric]

Good luck, keep your eyes open and move slowly. Seems you need to both learn each other's language for starters - communication is the key to every good relationship, so this is the first thing I would sort if I were you.

Just a question... was the hotel aware you were dating her while staying there? Can be a big problem for her, recommend you stay diff place next visit.

Edited June 3, 2008 by britmaveric

[Radius]

I purposely left out names and places in my post because they are not relevant.

I am learning the language as fast as I can.

I am currently able to count to 99, say yes, no, hello, goodbye, '[my name] from [my country] speaking on the phone' and most importantly 'happy birthday' in Thai.

The hotel management didn't know I think. Although within a day several other personel members did.

So it will be a matter of time before hotel management knows as well probebly.

There was an event inside the hotel I went to. She did not want to go when I invited her eventhough it was her day off.

Thanks for the recommendation britmaveric. I will keep it in mind.

Edited June 3, 2008 by Radius

[llortami]

I purposely left out names and places in my post because they are not relevant.

I am learning the language as fast as I can.

I am currently able to count to 99, say yes, no, hello, goodbye, '[my name] from [my country] speaking on the phone' and most importantly 'happy birthday' in Thai.

i recommend a bit of thai sweet talk for your next lesson all the best

[britmaveric]

Time will tell if its a mistake or not... like most things in life one has to learn for themselves.

[Radius]

kingwilly (and others):

Eventhough your words of advice are rather harsh I do thank you for giving your opinion.

I agree with you that I do not know what I am getting into.

I know way to little from her to be sure of anything.

I do know that she has not asked me for anything. Nor have I given her anything but me beeing there.

If she does ask for something I will judge at that time what to do with it.

I am also aware that she can cloak asking for something by telling me something bad about her family for example that makes me feel compelled to give something.

I take all yours and other peoples advice and I am taking it very slowly, step by step while keeping my eyes and ears wide open.

I am not the person that fals blindly in love but I am not made of stone either.

One of the reasons for posting here is to hear other peoples opinions, to have access to different point of views so I can keep my mind open for every possibility and that includes beeing hussled (as you pretty much suggest).

Edited June 3, 2008 by Radius

[Gary A]

Happiness is where you find it. Since they are apparently near the same age, that says something. I wasted ten years in Thailand looking for love..... AND a trophy bride. It finally occurred to me that those young beautiful girls only loved the money they thought I had. The sad part is that I knew my now wife for quite a while before it dawned on me that she would make a great wife. And she has.

Five very content and happy years already.

[llortami]

Well OP everthing sound ok just take it slowly

p.s watch out for a sick buffalo

[Lite Beer]

You'll have to explain your sick buffalo comment to me.

A legendary scam used by ladies to part gullible Farangs from their money.

"The family buffalo has died, send me money"

[Radius]

Thank you llortami.

There are 2 kinds of people when it comes to relationships between human beeings.

One that assumes the worst until proven otherwise.

And one that assumes the best until proven otherwise.

I use the second method. It involves more risk but also a much higher gain.

[JetsetBkk]

You'll have to explain your sick buffalo comment to me.

A legendary scam used by ladies to part gullible Farangs from their money.

"The family buffalo has died, send me money"

I think he knows already. YHBT.

[taxexile]

many of them play the long term game.

a friend of a friend met a nurse ( a "nice" girl , as opposed to a pole dancing hooker) from one of the better bangkok hospitals earlier this year.

we went out for a meal with them and a few others.

the girl was demure , polite , beautiful , quite classy i thought. lucky bloke.

a "wet behind the ears first timers'" dream come true.

the friend of a friend told us all how he had met the love of his life ( they had known each other for exactly one week) and had asked to marry her , and she had said yes.

this man was reduced to a drooling quivering wreck in her presence , he was so blindly in love it was embarrassing to watch.

after the meal , the men moved to one end of the table and the women to the other as happens here , and this "nurse" was quite open about things in conversation with my wife and the other women present.

she is not a nurse , she is a trainee nurses assistant (a potwasher) and has no desire to get any qualifications.... (too much work and study)

she has a sister who married a falang and now lives in france , and all this girl is after is a european passport and a decent dowry to help her parents out. she has no real feelings for the guy at all , he's ok but nothing special , she said its all an act on her part.

what she didnt realise due to her lack of geographical and political knowledge (and nobody told her) was that the guy is from a european country that is not a member of the eu ( i.e. she wont get the eu passport she is after) and that the guy is a single father looking after 2 kids back home and has a bad alcohol problem and is by no means wealthy ( rented flat , average 9 to 5 work , old car)

he thinks she is a fully trained nurse and very much in love with him.

she thinks he is a wealthy man and she get an eu passport out of this.

he came back to thailand last month and they got married ( 250 guests at the village wedding and 2 farangs , he paid)

he returned to his country and will send her money etc. until she comes over later in the year.

i dont know about the op , but these two were made for each other , and profession is no guarantee of "goodness" or "badness"

[britmaveric]

If use your head, and don't become a bank with unlimited withdraws you will be fine. Keep finances in check and everything else will be sorted out. If finances become the issue then you have found your answer and time to move on. It's not that hard of a concept, to be honest I don't see why lads struggle so badly with this???

Edited June 3, 2008 by britmaveric

[Radius]

taxexile:

I will not ask any girl to mary me after one week of knowing her (or after a month, or after a year).

So if I ever ask this girl to mary me, we will be many years in the future and there is little need to think about it at this time.

We are just getting to know one another.

I have never been reduced to a 'drooling quivering wreck' in her presence or any other girl for that matter. I like to think I am quite 'down to earth' and I see reality as it is.

Having said that, this girl(maybe I should say woman because she is over 30 as I am) DOES bring out many feelings in me and feelings tend to cloud ones judgement.

[taxexile]

over 30

...... and not married yet ?

acne ? harelip? limp? moustache ?

[Radius]

Beautiful, no kids, no mustage, just very shy.

Don't know about previous engagements, we didn't get to that.

I will ask.

Edited June 3, 2008 by Radius

[steves_the_1]

i met a woman once who said she had no kids then she turned up with to kids and said they were her nephews

needless to say what the real story was there

Edited June 3, 2008 by steves_the_1