To Tell Or Not To Tell

[Shotime]

<br />Buy a new SIM-card with a number no one knows and sms him the bad news.<br />It´s up to him to believe it or not. Then you have done more than enough and<br />if it leeds to their divorce it can never be traced back to you.<br />

<br /><br /><br />i agree 100% then he can decide for himself.also i can't believe the posts that some people put on here sticking up for thai women.where i came it doesn't matter if your a thai,spanish,french chinese lady if you're a whore, you're whore it is irrelevant if your rich or poor or your family is doing tough.anyhow that's just my opinion.

I can't imagine what it would be like to receive that news on my phone. From someone I don't even know. Maybe it's me, but that sounds pretty heartless. You already said you'd stay away from it, but you have to listen to everything, and then stay away from it.

[bergen]

A guy from a village in my area visits his gf some weeks a year. He has spent a lot of money - building business and house for her. She has a room in her shop where she lives, and rent the house to a Thai man.

From different reliable sources we had been told that she had an affair with the guy.

3 of us (farangs) met this guy in a restaurant one day. His gf was also there and the Thai man renting the house was their driver.

We pulled him aside and told him that he had to get rid of this Thai man cause he was doing bedtime with his gf.

His answer was............Yes I know.

The gf does'nt look our way any more, while the poor guy always visits when he's here.

I don't know for sure, but would'nt be surpriced if the house is still occupied by the same thai man

[Shotime]

Just before I got here, I was thinking, what if the guy says mind your own business.

[batanha]

Buy a new SIM-card with a number no one knows and sms him the bad news.

It´s up to him to believe it or not. Then you have done more than enough and

if it leeds to their divorce it can never be traced back to you.

That's the best advice right here. Buy a new SIM card and SMS him only the info that he needs to know and make sure it can't be traced back to you or your family. After the SMS, dispose of the new SIM card.

[rockyysdt]

<br />Buy a new SIM-card with a number no one knows and sms him the bad news.<br />It´s up to him to believe it or not. Then you have done more than enough and<br />if it leeds to their divorce it can never be traced back to you.<br />

<br /><br /><br />i agree 100% then he can decide for himself.also i can't believe the posts that some people put on here sticking up for thai women.where i came it doesn't matter if your a thai,spanish,french chinese lady if you're a whore, you're whore it is irrelevant if your rich or poor or your family is doing tough.anyhow that's just my opinion.

I believe if one doesn't have the courage to do this face to face then one should not do it at all.

A man must stand by his convictions.

Also calling a woman a whore is completely sexist.

[feffejonsson]

<br />Buy a new SIM-card with a number no one knows and sms him the bad news.<br />It´s up to him to believe it or not. Then you have done more than enough and<br />if it leeds to their divorce it can never be traced back to you.<br />

<br /><br /><br />i agree 100% then he can decide for himself.also i can't believe the posts that some people put on here sticking up for thai women.where i came it doesn't matter if your a thai,spanish,french chinese lady if you're a whore, you're whore it is irrelevant if your rich or poor or your family is doing tough.anyhow that's just my opinion.

I believe if one doesn't have the courage to do this face to face then one should not do it at all.

A man must stand by his convictions.

Also calling a woman a whore is completely sexist.

This has nothing to do with courage, which I have plenty of. This is a way of trying to merge two different cultures together. Naturally you should make sure that the man finds out about what´s going (european culture). At the same time you should not put yourself and especially not your thai family in a tight spot (thai culture). If you would speak to the man eye to eye I´m sure that in five minutes the whole village would know that you´re the one that told him about the cheating wife. This could make life really difficult for you all.

In my village there was one farang that told another farang that the woman he was just about to marry in fact was a katoey. The farang that ratted and his whole family finally had to move from the village because the family of the katoey made their living in the village a living hel_l.

Edited June 11, 2008 by feffejonsson

[rockyysdt]

This has nothing to do with courage, which I have plenty of. This is a way of trying to merge two different cultures together. Naturally you should make sure that the man finds out about what´s going (european culture). At the same time you should not put yourself and especially not your thai family in a tight spot (thai culture). If you would speak to the man eye to eye I´m sure that in five minutes the whole village would know that you´re the one that told him about the cheating wife. This could make life really difficult for you all.

In my village there was one farang that told another farang that the woman he was just about to marry in fact was a katoey. The farang that ratted and his whole family finally had to move from the village because the family of the katoey made their living in the village a living hel_l.

I understand and appreciate the points you make.

My point is that if one feels strongly about something they should stand their ground.

Modifying your behaviour to appease others strips you of your freedom.

I remember when my girlfriend and I visited her village.

I said: "What about this and what about that? What will they think and what will they say?"

She said: "I don't care. What I do makes me happy. If they have an issue, that is their problem"

I was proud of her. All she wanted was to be free to live her life, free of petty mindedness reaching out with its invisible chains.

Edited June 11, 2008 by rockyysdt

[feffejonsson]

This has nothing to do with courage, which I have plenty of. This is a way of trying to merge two different cultures together. Naturally you should make sure that the man finds out about what´s going (european culture). At the same time you should not put yourself and especially not your thai family in a tight spot (thai culture). If you would speak to the man eye to eye I´m sure that in five minutes the whole village would know that you´re the one that told him about the cheating wife. This could make life really difficult for you all.

In my village there was one farang that told another farang that the woman he was just about to marry in fact was a katoey. The farang that ratted and his whole family finally had to move from the village because the family of the katoey made their living in the village a living hel_l.

I understand and appreciate the points you make.

My point is that if one feels strongly about something they should stand their ground.

Modifying your behaviour to appease others strips you of your freedom.

I remember when my girlfriend and I visited her village.

I said: "What about this and what about that? What will they think and what will they say?"

She said: "I don't care. What I do makes me happy. If they have an issue, that is their problem"

I was proud of her. All she wanted was to be free to live her life, free of petty mindedness reaching out with its invisible chains.

I understand and appreciate the points you are making to. Good for your girlfriend that she has the courage to stand up for herself and who she is. However in my experience this is not that common in small villages in rural Thailand. Old traditions and so on. When asking someone why things are the way they are I´m usually getting the answer: - Prapeni! Tradition!

My take on things is that if everyone would modify their behaviour to appease others the world would be a much more pleasent place. I know it´s utopia. But one must be allowed to dream.

Cheers

Edited June 11, 2008 by feffejonsson

[Krub]

This has nothing to do with courage, which I have plenty of. This is a way of trying to merge two different cultures together. Naturally you should make sure that the man finds out about what´s going (european culture). At the same time you should not put yourself and especially not your thai family in a tight spot (thai culture). If you would speak to the man eye to eye I´m sure that in five minutes the whole village would know that you´re the one that told him about the cheating wife. This could make life really difficult for you all.

In my village there was one farang that told another farang that the woman he was just about to marry in fact was a katoey. The farang that ratted and his whole family finally had to move from the village because the family of the katoey made their living in the village a living hel_l.

I understand and appreciate the points you make.

My point is that if one feels strongly about something they should stand their ground.

Modifying your behaviour to appease others strips you of your freedom.

I remember when my girlfriend and I visited her village.

I said: "What about this and what about that? What will they think and what will they say?"

She said: "I don't care. What I do makes me happy. If they have an issue, that is their problem"

I was proud of her. All she wanted was to be free to live her life, free of petty mindedness reaching out with its invisible chains.

There is a big difference in VISITING the village and LIVING IN the village

[Ubon9]

very delicate situation,since you don't know the person well it's hard to asses is reaction and consequently you could have problem.

Is better you don't get involved.

[peterdigger]

Damned if yuh do and likewise if yuh don't- but as a fellow Aussie I'd say "tread carefully mate" - Chiang Mai foreign cemetary has at least two farang graves from murders that I know of in the last 12 years. One guy built a lovely house whilst living with his Thai missus in the UK, only to find his mother-in-law had sold the place lock-stock-and-all to her son (wife's brother), just prior to the farang and wife and daughter arriving here to retire. Huge fight. No result. Thai guy says - "I own it now - you build another" ! Farang threatens legal action. Next evening, the farang was shot dead (in the back) outside his local 7/11 ! Cops did absolutely NOTHING ! Everyone knew who did it ! My advice ? Tell him, but anonymously ...(write with your left hand maybe....) but ONLY if you are 100% sure ! Life is too bloody cheap here in the Orient mate ....... but by the same token, three million baht is BLOODY HARD TO EARN ! Just do what you know is right....

[rockyysdt]

Hi Peter.

I agree people should avoid danger, but isn't your example an isolated case?

I was often amused reading a daily Thai newspaper which would regularly feature murders, suicides, or drug busts on the front page.

It gave me the impression that Thailand was in a state of chaos.

Then I realised, in a country with a population of about 65 million, when taken into context being murdered is highly unlikely.

If you conduct yourself in a malicious and threatening way you might attract harm.

Don't you think?

[ozzy111]

This has nothing to do with courage, which I have plenty of. This is a way of trying to merge two different cultures together. Naturally you should make sure that the man finds out about what´s going (european culture). At the same time you should not put yourself and especially not your thai family in a tight spot (thai culture). If you would speak to the man eye to eye I´m sure that in five minutes the whole village would know that you´re the one that told him about the cheating wife. This could make life really difficult for you all.

In my village there was one farang that told another farang that the woman he was just about to marry in fact was a katoey. The farang that ratted and his whole family finally had to move from the village because the family of the katoey made their living in the village a living hel_l.

I understand and appreciate the points you make.

My point is that if one feels strongly about something they should stand their ground.

Modifying your behaviour to appease others strips you of your freedom.

I remember when my girlfriend and I visited her village.

I said: "What about this and what about that? What will they think and what will they say?"

She said: "I don't care. What I do makes me happy. If they have an issue, that is their problem"

I was proud of her. All she wanted was to be free to live her life, free of petty mindedness reaching out with its invisible chains.

Im not quite sure do that you understand. This is'nt anywhere near the same, if it gets out I told and robed her of a "income" things could get really ugly. I dont mean a petty argument the it's over argument, I mean worrying if the house is burning down in the middle of the night type of argument.

[ozzy111]

Damned if yuh do and likewise if yuh don't- but as a fellow Aussie I'd say "tread carefully mate" - Chiang Mai foreign cemetary has at least two farang graves from murders that I know of in the last 12 years. One guy built a lovely house whilst living with his Thai missus in the UK, only to find his mother-in-law had sold the place lock-stock-and-all to her son (wife's brother), just prior to the farang and wife and daughter arriving here to retire. Huge fight. No result. Thai guy says - "I own it now - you build another" ! Farang threatens legal action. Next evening, the farang was shot dead (in the back) outside his local 7/11 ! Cops did absolutely NOTHING ! Everyone knew who did it ! My advice ? Tell him, but anonymously ...(write with your left hand maybe....) but ONLY if you are 100% sure ! Life is too bloody cheap here in the Orient mate ....... but by the same token, three million baht is BLOODY HARD TO EARN ! Just do what you know is right....

Solid advice thanks mate.

[ozzy111]

I emailed the guy anonymously through a friends email titled "Concerned Countryman" detailing what was happaning etc. In reply I got an abusive email asking who I was and F!@#$K YOU F^%$#K THAT etc etc. I'm sooo glad I did'nt tell this bloke in person it was a heavy responce that I really did'nt expect. I though he would want to know I would!!!

[rick75]

Sorry to hear about the response Ozzy, but what did you expect, he was never going to thank you, at least rest easy in the knowledge that he might start doing a little digging and sort out his own mess.

You did the right thing and if I was ever in this position I would be glad (after it all sunk in) someone took the time to give me a heads up.

[Ken]

I too am sorry to hear about the response you got Ozzy. Personally I think you did the right thing and it will end up being, probably, the guys loss (literally!)

Several years ago I got my "bad news" from a Farang friend. We are still very good friends today. The only thing I wasn't happy with him about is that he waited so long to tell me....a year. To this day oher Thai's in the village feel "bad" that they didn't tell me, so the say now.

[rockyysdt]

I too am sorry to hear about the response you got Ozzy. Personally I think you did the right thing and it will end up being, probably, the guys loss (literally!)

Several years ago I got my "bad news" from a Farang friend. We are still very good friends today. The only thing I wasn't happy with him about is that he waited so long to tell me....a year. To this day oher Thai's in the village feel "bad" that they didn't tell me, so the say now.

Sorry to hear.

Did you resolve it with the missus or was it all over?

Is this kind of thing pretty common?

[Shotime]

Good thing you didn't tell him face-to-face. He must be pretty upset. At least you must feel better that you did the right thing. Let us know if anyone dies because of your meddling.

[feffejonsson]

Sorry to hear about the reaction you were faced with. However what can one expect. I would also be upset at first. Maybe his feelings towards the "concerned countryman" will change after he gets a chance to digest the bad news.

Anyway you have done everything that can be expected from you and it will not effect your or your family´s daily life in the village.

Cheers

[Lickey]

So ozzy, hes gonna come back to the village and see where some of his money has gone, and he will want to confront his GF about this, and i would think he will also come and ask you questions as he knows you and will be looking for answers,you will need to asses his mood and treat him acordingly, he wont get violent with you, and even perhaps thankyou, just treat a broken heart carefully.

Good Luck, Lickey.

[retirednavyman]

He could hire a private detective to do a bit of surveillance to verify your suspicions . If it turns out to be true, then you confront her with the facts and if she still denies it, you show her the evidence and then walk away from it all. Why bother with someone like that who is gonna lie, cheat and steal her way to your heart? Life is too short to have to deal with grief like that.........

[chuckd]

Let me bore you with a personal story.

Several years ago, I had a girl friend and was working in Saudi. I was informed by a friend that as soon as I returned to work, her Thai boyfriend moved into my house and assumed all my responsibilities, except paying for anything of course.

I decided to spring a little surprise by showing up unannounced to see what was going on. I arranged a flight and flew to BKK and took a taxi to Pattaya. I walked in on them sitting around in their undies and promptly threw both of them out of the house.

Of course it was my fault for not telling her I was coming back.

My friend is still my friend.

Surprise visits do work.

[rockyysdt]

Several years ago, I had a girl friend and was working in Saudi. I was informed by a friend that as soon as I returned to work, her Thai boyfriend moved into my house and assumed all my responsibilities, except paying for anything of course.

I decided to spring a little surprise by showing up unannounced to see what was going on. I arranged a flight and flew to BKK and took a taxi to Pattaya. I walked in on them sitting around in their undies and promptly threw both of them out of the house.

chuckd.

How would you describe your relationship with your thai girlfriend before you discovered the infidelity?

How much time would you spend with her annually?

[chuckd]

Several years ago, I had a girl friend and was working in Saudi. I was informed by a friend that as soon as I returned to work, her Thai boyfriend moved into my house and assumed all my responsibilities, except paying for anything of course.

I decided to spring a little surprise by showing up unannounced to see what was going on. I arranged a flight and flew to BKK and took a taxi to Pattaya. I walked in on them sitting around in their undies and promptly threw both of them out of the house.

chuckd.

How would you describe your relationship with your thai girlfriend before you discovered the infidelity?

How much time would you spend with her annually?

Our relationship had been OK for a year or so. We had lived together for that time and then the position in Saudi opened up. It was when I went back to work that things turned sour.

When the cats away, etc, etc.

[coventry]

Ozzy111

I'm dying to know.

What have you decided to do?

I decided after taking into consideration everyones advice to tell him but to do it anonymously.

By doing it anonymously he'll think someone is just shit stirring and take no notice. It's also a cowards way. Stay out of it let him make himself the laughing stock of the village. He deserves it for not doing his homework on the ways of the Thais.

[coventry]

<br />Buy a new SIM-card with a number no one knows and sms him the bad news.<br />It´s up to him to believe it or not. Then you have done more than enough and<br />if it leeds to their divorce it can never be traced back to you.<br />

<br /><br /><br />i agree 100% then he can decide for himself.also i can't believe the posts that some people put on here sticking up for thai women.where i came it doesn't matter if your a thai,spanish,french chinese lady if you're a whore, you're whore it is irrelevant if your rich or poor or your family is doing tough.anyhow that's just my opinion.

That pretty harsh!!!!

No it's not it's called reality. A leopard doesn't change it's spots.

[Shotime]

If a friend tells you it's one thing. He doesn't really know this guy, and the by way he did tell him, he probably never will. The poor saps wife/gf may be many things, but not a whore. Unless having a Thai bf makes her one in the more general use of the word. Then it would be "ho"

[retirednavyman]

Let me bore you with a personal story.

Several years ago, I had a girl friend and was working in Saudi. I was informed by a friend that as soon as I returned to work, her Thai boyfriend moved into my house and assumed all my responsibilities, except paying for anything of course.

I decided to spring a little surprise by showing up unannounced to see what was going on. I arranged a flight and flew to BKK and took a taxi to Pattaya. I walked in on them sitting around in their undies and promptly threw both of them out of the house.

Of course it was my fault for not telling her I was coming back.

My friend is still my friend.

Surprise visits do work.

Nice strategy my friend!

[Ken]

I too am sorry to hear about the response you got Ozzy. Personally I think you did the right thing and it will end up being, probably, the guys loss (literally!)

Several years ago I got my "bad news" from a Farang friend. We are still very good friends today. The only thing I wasn't happy with him about is that he waited so long to tell me....a year. To this day oher Thai's in the village feel "bad" that they didn't tell me, so they say now.

Sorry to hear.

Did you resolve it with the missus or was it all over?

Is this kind of thing pretty common?

Tried to resolve it, but she just wouldn't give up the Thai boyfriend...though she lied a few times and said she had. We were married 10 years and together in Thailand for 8 of them. But when I got a job "overseas", just like "chuckd"..."When the cats away, etc, etc." Oh well, her loss IMHO.

And yes, sorry to say, but I have seen this happen a bit too often over the years. Oh well.