The Dreaded Sin-sod!

[djkaveman]

Quick question for anyone who could shed light on the matter..

I am in the process of getting engaged to my thai girlfriend (who, i'm reluctant to admit, used to be a bar-girl working in pattaya before we met). Her parents have asked for a sin-sod of 2,000,000 baht (approximately $67,000). Not only that, they have asked for it to be paid before or on the day of the engagement, which is coming up soon. Firstly, I was under the impression that the sin-sod was not due to be paid until the wedding day (correct me if i'm wrong somebody). At this point in time, i was merely looking to get engaged to my girlfriend, and then eventually marry her when i managed to save up enough to pay the sin-sod. It seems, however, that what was supposed to be an act of commitment, is turning into something more than just that.

Also, after reading some posts in other forums, it seems that 2,000,000 baht ($67,000 USD) is a rather large amount for an ex-bar-girl whose family live up-country. I am beginning to think there is something more to the story than meets the eye (perhaps her family has incurred gambling debts, or are into some other kind of addiction or craze for which they are in desperate need of cash). I don't for a minute want to pursue this relationship further if this is the case, and most certainly don't want to be paying any kind of sin-sod to fuel this kind of behavior.

My doubts were raised further upon learning that no thai guy would in their right mind would expect to pay that kind of money for a girl that used to be a prostitute, let alone even think of marrying a girl from that kind of background. If this is the case, do you think my girlfriend's parents are trying to extort money from me because they know i'm a foreigner and could perhaps afford to pay such a large amount? Do thai parents have different sin-sod standards for thai and foreign suitors? I'm beginning to become more suspicious now and am beginning to think i'm being duped.

I know sin-sods can run into the millions of dollars amongst upper-class thais, but this girl used to be a whore for christ's sake. If anything, her parents should be grateful to me for even considering marrying her and taking her off their hands.

any insight on the matter would be most appreciated. Please no comments about my choosing to marry a bar-girl.. i've heard all the horror-stories and jokes, and while i agree to some extent what some people have to say on the matter, there are a few ex-bar-girls out there who've managed marry falangs and have strong marriages.. Also, i am 100% sure that my girlfriend is crazy about me. She said that we don't have to get engaged, and that we can simply continue being in a relationship for now, and so she's not pushing me into anything by any means. I just wanted to run all this past someone who's familiar with thai culture and knows what they're talking about.

thanks.

[djkaveman]

what are typical sin-sod rates that are demanded for different types of girls (i.e. upper class, middle class, lower class etc.)

[thecatman]

You're dead right, a 2 Million Bt sin-sot for an ex bar girl from up country (namely Issan) is absolute madness. I would think 200,000 Bt would be nearer the mark. I'm not going to judge your girl at all, you seem to believe in her, so that's all that matters, but her family are definitely trying to piss up your back big time.

If I was you I'd take your girl's offer to carry on as you are for the time being and not get engaged, while also making sure that she tells her family that your engagement has been shelved due to their Sin-sot demands. Call their bluff and get them thinking twice about what they ask.

In your opening post you stated that:

"I know sin-sods can run into the millions of dollars amongst upper-class thais, but this girl used to be a whore for christ's sake. If anything, her parents should be grateful to me for even considering marrying her and taking her off their hands."

You are absolutely spot on here, don't ever let the true facts of this situation get clouded by all the bullsh1t her family tell you.

Edited June 9, 2008 by thecatman

[tmwke]

what are typical sin-sod rates that are demanded for different types of girls (i.e. upper class, middle class, lower class etc.)

A Thai man if anything would pay about 40000 baht. But best you forget about Thailand and stay in FARANG LAND. your going to get Brain F---ked Choke DEE

[youngkiwi]

Having attended a number of Thai weddings, it is not customary to pay the sin sod prior to the wedding day and I would not recommend you do so. The appropriate amount to marry a girl from the background you advise should be around 200,000 to 300,000 baht for a farang. In many cases, the family give this back to the married couple after the wedding to give them a head start but of course, depending on her families circumstances this is not always the case.

[Carib]

She is damaged goods. No thai man would pay sinsod.

You will be the replacement income from her job in pattaya.

Tell them you have got a financial problem, and see if they all still love you.

You have heard the horror stories, but ... it will not happen to you because they/she are/is different... right??

Well first find out if that is true, before you end up as the next cashcow. DONOT commit yourself with anything, give it time..a very very long time...

And after that, she still is not worth 2000.000. It is symply an outragious amount, it tells you something about her family !!!!.

Good luck.

[Mossfinn]

1. Go to top of page, between Members and Help.

2. Click on Search

3. Click on more search options

4. Search by Key Words, type in +Sinsot+Sinsod

5. Make sure you have high-lighted, All Forums

6. Perform the search

You have about 3 weeks of solid leaning

Enjoy.

Moss

[djkaveman]

Thanks guys.. you've all been really helpful..

I'm guessing that somewhere between 200,000 and 300,000 is what's typically right for a girl like her. Incidentally, my girl is not from Isaan - she's from Petchabun, which i believe isn't as desolate as some of the typical farming areas that a lot of these bar-girls come from.

tmwke wrote that a thai man would not be expected to pay more than 40,000 baht..

I understand that the sin-sod depends a lot on what kind of status her family occupies in their society. I'm guessing by the fact that her parents are happy to live off their daughter selling herself to falangs, that they are perhaps not as well to do as i once thought. But my girl did tell me that her dad was once a very prominent member of society, but then ran into debts which is what forced her to enter the bar-scene.

Another quick question to anyone who could provide some insight- do you think my girl's family just threw that 2,000,000 baht figure out there to see if i'd accept it, purely because they knew i was a falang to be taken advantage of? Do you think they just started off with a ridiculously high number, knowing fully well that i may not be able to pay that kind of money, and then eventually settling to something like 200,000-300,000 (which is what they were after in the first place?).

In all honesty, i do trust my girl not to be playing any games with me, and i genuinely believe she loves me. I'm not saying that she's different, because i'm sure her loyalties lie first and foremost with the well-being of her family, just like most of these girls. I understand that some girls are even looked-down upon and ridiculed by others in society if they don't manage to milk a falang suitor for all he's worth. Also, from what i hear, there is often competition between families up-country to see whose daughter can land a falang and get the most money out of him.

[Carib]

Ever considered that they threw in that amount because they want it ?

Ever considered that they threw in that amount because they donot want you??

Where did you get the idea that 200.000-300.000 is the right amount??

It is too much. Was she educated, uni or something like that before she turned to the other job?

What is the benefit of getting married, do the backyard ceremony, no legal ties but for most Thai people absolutely acceptable.

This is not the western world. No need to be respactably married. If the family demands that, they should have been respectable when their daughter did her job for them ! Sorry i cannot put it any other way.

As i said before, take your time, no need to rush into things, especially with these kind of demands in the background. You will be dealing with the family the rest of your life, donot make a generous footprint now, because more and more will be expected from you.

As Moss said, use the search function and read and read and read and read.

[gymshark]

They are trying to hump you. I am not giving you grief but I don't think you are ready to marry a Thai girl until you understand their culture a bit more. This is for your own protection. FYI. I married a college educated, single, no kids accountant and I paid 600,000 and about 100,000 worth of gold and I think that was quite generous, this family are asking way too much. At the end of the day it is up to you, not them, if they argue or haggle you need to ask if this is the sort of tribe you want to marry into.

[britmaveric]

Sinsot is a show of dosh. It's not to be given only for show - therefore technically its just to show the village what sort of dosh the new son in law has. The dosh should be returned to you.

Any rate I'd laugh at her parents and call them baba bobo.... 2million bht, less than 50K more like it!!!

[SweatySock]

To answer the OP's original question of when is it paid, when I married a few years ago, I was asked to give half when we were engaged (called "Mon" I believe) and the remainder on the wedding day.

[barky]

I am sorry I only read your first two paragraphs to find it not necessary to read further. If you pay this kind of money the you are I'm afraid an idiot. If you feel you really must pay some small amount to save face for family members make sure you get assurances you and wife will get it back. If not forget it!!!

[plasticpig]

I think this is a Troll thread.

He calls his prospective wife a Whore.

We just don’t do that do we., right or not.

Troll

[OlRedEyes]

Quite a level-headed, if inexperienced, post for a troll. So I think it's real.

If, after this demand, he is still considering getting engaged to this woman he'd be a fool IMHO, no matter if he can manage to negotiate the price downwards.

The fact that she's a bargirl makes chances of a successful relationship a lot worse, but not impossible. He would however be stuck with the family, whether she turns out to be a good partner or not. Paying sinsod sends a signal to the family....... and it will be taken notice of and used in future.

If he decides to carry on with the relationship as is, on her suggestion, he'd also better be careful. Slowly, slowly catchee monkey comes to mind.

I often wonder why guys are so cynical about love in Thailand - see threads re love and money in Thailand - yet start off their relationships as cash cows. It should surprise no-one that they attract te worst gold-diggers Thailand has to offer.

[plasticpig]

Thanks guys.. you've all been really helpful..

I'm guessing that somewhere between 200,000 and 300,000 is what's typically right for a girl like her. Incidentally, my girl is not from Isaan - she's from Petchabun, which i believe isn't as desolate as some of the typical farming areas that a lot of these bar-girls come from.

tmwke wrote that a thai man would not be expected to pay more than 40,000 baht..

I understand that the sin-sod depends a lot on what kind of status her family occupies in their society. I'm guessing by the fact that her parents are happy to live off their daughter selling herself to falangs, that they are perhaps not as well to do as i once thought. But my girl did tell me that her dad was once a very prominent member of society, but then ran into debts which is what forced her to enter the bar-scene.

Another quick question to anyone who could provide some insight- do you think my girl's family just threw that 2,000,000 baht figure out there to see if i'd accept it, purely because they knew i was a falang to be taken advantage of? Do you think they just started off with a ridiculously high number, knowing fully well that i may not be able to pay that kind of money, and then eventually settling to something like 200,000-300,000 (which is what they were after in the first place?).

In all honesty, i do trust my girl not to be playing any games with me, and i genuinely believe she loves me. I'm not saying that she's different, because i'm sure her loyalties lie first and foremost with the well-being of her family, just like most of these girls. I understand that some girls are even looked-down upon and ridiculed by others in society if they don't manage to milk a falang suitor for all he's worth. Also, from what i hear, there is often competition between families up-country to see whose daughter can land a falang and get the most money out of him.

[thecatman]

They are trying to hump you.......

Surely it's the OP who should be getting paid then!!

[unforgiven]

Quick question for anyone who could shed light on the matter..

I am in the process of getting engaged to my thai girlfriend (who, i'm reluctant to admit, used to be a bar-girl working in pattaya before we met). Her parents have asked for a sin-sod of 2,000,000 baht (approximately $67,000). Not only that, they have asked for it to be paid before or on the day of the engagement, which is coming up soon. Firstly, I was under the impression that the sin-sod was not due to be paid until the wedding day (correct me if i'm wrong somebody). At this point in time, i was merely looking to get engaged to my girlfriend, and then eventually marry her when i managed to save up enough to pay the sin-sod. It seems, however, that what was supposed to be an act of commitment, is turning into something more than just that.

Also, after reading some posts in other forums, it seems that 2,000,000 baht ($67,000 USD) is a rather large amount for an ex-bar-girl whose family live up-country. I am beginning to think there is something more to the story than meets the eye (perhaps her family has incurred gambling debts, or are into some other kind of addiction or craze for which they are in desperate need of cash). I don't for a minute want to pursue this relationship further if this is the case, and most certainly don't want to be paying any kind of sin-sod to fuel this kind of behavior.

My doubts were raised further upon learning that no thai guy would in their right mind would expect to pay that kind of money for a girl that used to be a prostitute, let alone even think of marrying a girl from that kind of background. If this is the case, do you think my girlfriend's parents are trying to extort money from me because they know i'm a foreigner and could perhaps afford to pay such a large amount? Do thai parents have different sin-sod standards for thai and foreign suitors? I'm beginning to become more suspicious now and am beginning to think i'm being duped.

I know sin-sods can run into the millions of dollars amongst upper-class thais, but this girl used to be a whore for christ's sake. If anything, her parents should be grateful to me for even considering marrying her and taking her off their hands.

any insight on the matter would be most appreciated. Please no comments about my choosing to marry a bar-girl.. i've heard all the horror-stories and jokes, and while i agree to some extent what some people have to say on the matter, there are a few ex-bar-girls out there who've managed marry falangs and have strong marriages.. Also, i am 100% sure that my girlfriend is crazy about me. She said that we don't have to get engaged, and that we can simply continue being in a relationship for now, and so she's not pushing me into anything by any means. I just wanted to run all this past someone who's familiar with thai culture and knows what they're talking about.

thanks.

they think your a fool..............pay nothing!!!! most of my buddies payed between 200,000 and 400,000 but this family is only getting started with you.............them your mother got cancer and now your broke..........play their game