Is It Possible To Be A Faithful Partner In Los?

[GaiYaang]

Women get tempted too. Men can be charming, say the right things, make you feel desired. Especially hard not to succumb too if your partner is working hard/working away/busy or generally tired and not giving as much attention to you. BUT, women (in my own personal experience), in general, stop and think carefully about allowing something like that to happen. Consideration for her partner, and consideration for her home life. During a seven year relationship (which in the end didnt work out, but nothing to do with straying or wanting to stray away, from either side), I was approached by men often, even some men who were supposed to be my partners friends. My partner worked hard, worked away sometimes, and sometimes i felt the spark had gone, but out of respect for him I remained faithful. I knew there was too much to lose. When i felt lonely or a bit neglected, i reminded myself about the good points in our life together. No selfish self-indulgent fumbles was worth the guilt i would carry, or the pain it could cause.

But of course, many men enjoy the excuse of "but im a MAN, a women just cant understand." That of course, is up to you. Thankfully I have never experienced someone do that to me, and hopefully never will. I imagine the pain the betrayed partner would feel if they found out, must be fierce. Im sorry if it sounds like I have a 'holier than thou' attitude about it. I just believe in monogamy. I believe people should do what makes them happy, but i believe only if it doesnt hurt others in their life. If you wish to be self-indulgent, better to be honest and single. If you have a partner and/or children, you have responsibilities to them. Maybe you are not yet mature enough to have a monogamous permanent relationship..

edited to correct spelling mistake

You sound like a very special lady,.

Yes, Eek we shall meet someday.

[britmaveric]

If you want to be single then be single. If not then stick to one. How would you feel if your significant other was cheating on you?

[jubby]

It Goes without saying that there are more temptations over here.

I've been married 10 years and not yet succumbed although I've not completely ruled it out ;-)

Look but don't touch has worked for me , and I certainly look !

It helps if you have an understanding wife who realises 'junior' has a mind of its own and needs to get rid of the 'dirty water'

regularly ; and who doesn't suffer from headaches. ;-)

[bonobo]

85% of Western men AND women will be unfaithful to their partners at some time in their lives (the actual percentage depending on which study you choose). So it is obvious that humans are not monagamous.

My personal belief is that many of the men or women who are monogamous remain faithful do that for lack of opportunity or timidness. So that leaves only a small percentage who remain faithful for moral reasons.

So for men to be in Thailand where, face it, it is far easier to find a bedmate than in the West, I think it is very difficult and highly unlikely that many men would remain faithful. Women may not have the easy access to quick sex in the bars, but women call the shots in Western society, so they do have the ability and opportunity to stray should they so desire.

I personally did not stray until I was married for 9 years and my marriage was heading downhill fast. WIth no sex at home and seeing the end in sight, I took an opportunity with a friend. Since then, I have come to terms with my own humanity, and I don't believe that fidelity is a natural human condition. However, I abhor deceit, so for me, my solution has been to find open and like-minded partners who also have a more relaxed view on life and sexuality. While we may be "mostly" faithful, we do share experiences, usually together, with other people. We both get our itch scratched, yet there are no lies or deceipts.

I think it is very, very difficult for people to remain faithful anywhere--it is just Thailand gives men, at least, a much easier path to infidelity.

If you are a man or woman who does not stray, and if that makes you happy, then great for you. But if you are in the majority, I would suggest that you do whatever you do either in absolute secrecy so your partenr is not hurt or openly if your partner can accept it (but can you accept the same sort of behavior from your partner?)

[JOHN2]

eek - that's a bit deep,lighten up girl.

[Super Hans]

eek - that's a bit deep,lighten up girl.

Quite.

I really feel western women just don't understand that human beings are animals. The need for a male to have sex is overwhelming.

If western women maintained their side of the bargain, I'm sure there would be a lot less straying. I won't define what "their side of the bargain" is as we live in heavily censored world, but it doesn't just mean sex.

[Dustoff]

If you want to be single then be single. If not then stick to one. How would you feel if your significant other was cheating on you?

Straight to the point, as usual, BM.

All of the responses about emotional reactions aside, it is worth mentioning that any relationship is a contract. If someone is not capable of living up to the terms of a contract, don't enter one. Or, better yet and since any contract is negotiable, only make promises that you will live up to. To do anything less honest is to find yourself in legal or emotional court.

Also not discussed here is that the very words like cheating and unfaithful speak to insecurity and possession rather than love. Jeaslosy has nothing whatsoever to do with love, but everything to do with personal emotions and what it takes to destroy a person's trust that another will perform according to their expectations.

When I functioned as a mediator in Divorce Court for many years, I helped separating couples, especially those with children, negotiate new agreements that were more realistic for each party and allowed them to have the freedom to be individuals, yet still work very closely together to ensure that they would both provide quality parenting for their kids. Many of these couples went back into successful intimate relationships together that were more functional because their agreements allowed each to be an individual person while committed to a relationship.

The antiquated and parochial marriage and relationship contracts/expectations just don't work any more in today's world and far more often end up in a train wreck than not.

[bonobo]

This is quite a good post. Well-thought out, clear, reasonable--not the usual TV post!

If you want to be single then be single. If not then stick to one. How would you feel if your significant other was cheating on you?

Straight to the point, as usual, BM.

All of the responses about emotional reactions aside, it is worth mentioning that any relationship is a contract. If someone is not capable of living up to the terms of a contract, don't enter one. Or, better yet and since any contract is negotiable, only make promises that you will live up to. To do anything less honest is to find yourself in legal or emotional court.

Also not discussed here is that the very words like cheating and unfaithful speak to insecurity and possession rather than love. Jeaslosy has nothing whatsoever to do with love, but everything to do with personal emotions and what it takes to destroy a person's trust that another will perform according to their expectations.

When I functioned as a mediator in Divorce Court for many years, I helped separating couples, especially those with children, negotiate new agreements that were more realistic for each party and allowed them to have the freedom to be individuals, yet still work very closely together to ensure that they would both provide quality parenting for their kids. Many of these couples went back into successful intimate relationships together that were more functional because their agreements allowed each to be an individual person while committed to a relationship.

The antiquated and parochial marriage and relationship contracts/expectations just don't work any more in today's world and far more often end up in a train wreck than not.

[JOHN2]

Blimey - there are some very serious people on here.

It was only a light hearted question anyway.

Where so all you people drink? if at all,because the ex-pats i have met here are not like this crowd.

WOW!

[jastheace]

i know of a few thai women that are unfaithful to their foreign partners,ones married and has 4 other chaps she caters to when hubbies not around.

in this particular case her friends encourage her as well !!

wouldnt worry about it myself,whats good for the goose......

[Neeranam]

I'm not sure the answer you're looking for. Maybe you think it's a manly thing to hurt a woman's feelings or break her heart.

Do you live in Pataya?

BTW, nearly all my expat friends are faithful to their wives. I have been for 8 years and would dream of hurting her.

'Basically we are all the same human beings with the same potential to be a good human being or a bad human being ... The important thing is to realize the positive side and try to increase that; realize the negative side and try to reduce. That's the way.'

Edited June 26, 2008 by Neeranam

[imaneggspurt]

If you cant stay faithful to one woman why stay with one woman,?,.i laugh at these 60 odd year old ( and younger ) guys that go out in LOS and pay for sex and think they can still pull ! ..

[imaneggspurt]

I have got to say that this topic is revealing a very nice side of some members,..a great insight

[imaneggspurt]

If you want to be single then be single. If not then stick to one. How would you feel if your significant other was cheating on you?

Straight to the point, as usual, BM.

All of the responses about emotional reactions aside, it is worth mentioning that any relationship is a contract. If someone is not capable of living up to the terms of a contract, don't enter one. Or, better yet and since any contract is negotiable, only make promises that you will live up to. To do anything less honest is to find yourself in legal or emotional court.

Also not discussed here is that the very words like cheating and unfaithful speak to insecurity and possession rather than love. Jeaslosy has nothing whatsoever to do with love, but everything to do with personal emotions and what it takes to destroy a person's trust that another will perform according to their expectations.

When I functioned as a mediator in Divorce Court for many years, I helped separating couples, especially those with children, negotiate new agreements that were more realistic for each party and allowed them to have the freedom to be individuals, yet still work very closely together to ensure that they would both provide quality parenting for their kids. Many of these couples went back into successful intimate relationships together that were more functional because their agreements allowed each to be an individual person while committed to a relationship.

The antiquated and parochial marriage and relationship contracts/expectations just don't work any more in today's world and far more often end up in a train wreck than not.

I have read a lot of your posts before i joined the forum dustoff and you also seem like a very nice guy that makes a very good friend ,neighbor and husband,,.i wish i could express and write as well as you, well done,.

[meom]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

Maybe it's already been mentioned but as long as you use a condom it doesn't really count since there's no "flesh to flesh" contact so to speak and you've got nothing to worry about.

[Valjean]

Dustoff had a good post. When my wife and I discussed getting married we felt honesty was more important than monogamy. We accept each other how we are and within that have complete trust and honesty. Neither of us has a big moral thing about this – people can make their own decisions on that. For us this was a better way. I have a wonderful wife, we take good care of each other. I have the freedom to go have fun, within some agreed upon bounds, if I want but in reality it’s really not that interesting to me. I know I can go out anytime I desire but really the gold is in the relationship. When I’m out with the boys or she’s away up country when she asks me “did you have fun?” she knows 100% that she will always get the honest answer. There’s no guessing or wondering – or guilt or recriminations. And yes it’s a hypocritical one way deal – but it’s our deal and we’re happy. As Dustoff said a relationship is a contract with two individuals and in our contract we both have gives and gets.

[eek]

eek - that's a bit deep,lighten up girl.

I appreciate being loved in my life. I also love giving love back. I enjoy having fun in a relationship, trying to keep love (and yes sex) alive. But I can only give that if i feel respected and feel secure (and i give that back in return). Feeling cherished is a wonderful thing. I understand after trying if a relationship is coming to an end and cant be revived, but getting through ups and downs is part of the process of a deep trust for one another.

Maybe what i wrote does sound deep, but I respect and cherish whoever I (carefully) choose to share my life with. I dont believe in messing about with other peoples emotions. I personally dont see it as a light-hearted question. You wanted responses, some you may not agree with. Its only my personal opinion. I am not judging you, but i am glad im not on the receiving end of a similar situation, and hope never to be.

(p.s: Im not the kind of person to stand on a soap box spouting moralistic judgment on others. As i said, i think people should do what they want in their lives, but when others are closely involved and can get hurt by your actions, I believe you need to think about the effects and of their welfare.)

[bonobo]

eek - that's a bit deep,lighten up girl.

I appreciate being loved in my life. I also love giving love back. I enjoy having fun in a relationship, trying to keep love (and yes sex) alive. But I can only give that if i feel respected and feel secure (and i give that back in return). Feeling cherished is a wonderful thing. I understand after trying if a relationship is coming to an end and cant be revived, but getting through ups and downs is part of the process of a deep trust for one another.

Maybe what i wrote does sound deep, but I respect and cherish whoever I (carefully) choose to share my life with. I dont believe in messing about with other peoples emotions. I personally dont see it as a light-hearted question. You wanted responses, some you may not agree with. Its only my personal opinion. I am not judging you, but i am glad im not on the receiving end of a similar situation, and hope never to be.

(p.s: Im not the kind of person to stand on a soap box spouting moralistic judgment on others. As i said, i think people should do what they want in their lives, but when others are closely involved and can get hurt by your actions, I believe you need to think about the effects and of their welfare.)

eek,

I may be jaded in my thoughts about fidelity, and I think most people are not faithful. And I also think that many of the posters here who profess to be faithful are not but post this for various other reasons to appear to be something they are not.

But I have to say, your posts ring true to me. You do not come across as "holier than thou." And I applaud your personal struggles and decisions, and I wish you continued happiness.

[eek]

Dustoff had a good post. When my wife and I discussed getting married we felt honesty was more important than monogamy. We accept each other how we are and within that have complete trust and honesty. Neither of us has a big moral thing about this – people can make their own decisions on that. For us this was a better way. I have a wonderful wife, we take good care of each other. I have the freedom to go have fun, within some agreed upon bounds, if I want but in reality it’s really not that interesting to me. I know I can go out anytime I desire but really the gold is in the relationship. When I’m out with the boys or she’s away up country when she asks me “did you have fun?” she knows 100% that she will always get the honest answer. There’s no guessing or wondering – or guilt or recriminations. And yes it’s a hypocritical one way deal – but it’s our deal and we’re happy. As Dustoff said a relationship is a contract with two individuals and in our contract we both have gives and gets.

Well done! Not something I could do , but I admire your wife for feeling ok about it, and I admire your honesty. Its good that is working for you both.

I have got to say that this topic is revealing a very nice side of some members,..a great insight

I agree. I confess I was guilty in thinking most of the posts would relate to the OP and agree. I feel humbled that I could have been so wrong.

Im finding the viewpoints very interesting to read. Both sides.

[uptou]

How many percent of thai/thai couples would you say are faithful?

[bonobo]

In my circle of friends, 0%.

I can't say about the female halves of the couples, but I know for a fact that the men are not faithful.

This does not include Thai couples who together explore sexuality with others.

How many percent of thai/thai couples would you say are faithful?

Edited June 26, 2008 by bonobo

[bonobo]

I agree with this post 100%. Honesty is more important to a relationship than whether someone enjoyed another's company or not.

It is not "cheating" when both know and agree to it. What is wrong, in my humble opinion, is sneaking around and having little affairs but expecting your partner to remain chaste and faithful.

[uptou]

How many percent of thai/thai couples would you say are faithful?

In my circle of friends, 0%.

I can't say about the female haves of the couples, but I know for a fact that the men are not faithful.

Oh well,when in Rome as they say.

[toptuan]

John2, if your wife is Thai, then beware. The consequences could involve two things: a knife and a duck.

Link: Angry Thai Women Lead the World in Penis Slashings

[JOHN2]

''BTW, nearly all my expat friends are faithful to their wives''

Now that i can believe!

[gamlangjai]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

From meeting many expats id say 9 out of 10 have been unfaithful, with a lot of these unfaithful on a regular basis.

Then 90% are lying, cheating scum who do not deserve a decent woman. Many reasons or excuses given for being unfaithfull. Most pathetic is she's not giving me the sex I want so it's OK, worse than that is cheating is something genetic. If you want to cheat on your partner you are really cheating yourself. I have zero respect for anyone who is unfaithfull, but if you are don't start crying when your partner finds out or does the same.

[swain]

oh... well I have thought about it... and my wife has told me that if she never finds out about it ...its alright.. but god help me if she ever finds out... I have no problem keeping it in my pants... I have a young sexy wife... but I keep being told I am a "handsome man" whenever I am out and about.. even with the wedding ring right out in the open... I am happy the way it is... but every once in a while... I am tempted. Thai women are just so sexy!!

[GuestHouse]

It is not "cheating" when both know and agree to it.

That would be fine if the partnership is equitable in all other respects.

When one half the relationship holds control over the other then it would not be equitable - for example if one of the partners holds all the income.

The comment 'With privilage comes responsibility' comes to mind.

[JOHN2]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

From meeting many expats id say 9 out of 10 have been unfaithful, with a lot of these unfaithful on a regular basis.

Then 90% are lying, cheating scum who do not deserve a decent woman. Many reasons or excuses given for being unfaithfull. Most pathetic is she's not giving me the sex I want so it's OK, worse than that is cheating is something genetic. If you want to cheat on your partner you are really cheating yourself. I have zero respect for anyone who is unfaithfull, but if you are don't start crying when your partner finds out or does the same.

Bloody hel_l!

[JiveTalker]

Maybe you should think about having an open relationship. This will not work if either of you are insecure. You will both need to be mature and honest. I've had open relationships in the past and they can be truly rewarding relationships. It can be especially fun if your girlfriend enjoys spending time with members of both sexes.

However most people have insecurities and need the boyfriend/ girlfriend to "prove" their love by staying faithful. Honesty is also a rarity in most relationships I see, and therefore open relationships will not work.

If you are one of these blokes that is happy to have fun behind the wife's back but would scream, cry and scream blue murder if she did the same, then yer just a bit of a spanner.