The Loser's Guide To Lovemaking

[marshbags]

Bangkok Post, MyLife, Thursday June 26, 2008

The loser's guide to lovemaking

DALE NOTTINGHAM

The last time I made love to a woman, she got a puncture and all the air came out. Deflated but undeterred, I patched her up with my bicycle repair kit and got straight back on the horse, so to speak. It is the wisdom that I attained from these ground-breaking experiments in the art of advanced love-making that I wish to share with you amateurs here today.

Accordingly, I proudly present my top-10 tips for a legendary lovemaking experience:

Mood

The correct mood is an essential forerunner to any memorable mating experience, so don't ever make love when you're grumpy. You will use up all you best lines and a prodigious amount of lubricant only to end up watching a replay of the 1979 FA cup final on the TV in the spare room.

Location

The bedroom is no place to be showcasing a talent like yours. Besides, that's where your wife is sleeping. For a night of unbridled passion your lady will truly treasure, it is important that you explore new and exciting places to practice your art. Suitably pulsating venues include: Watch repair shops; polling booths; Yankee Stadium; a hearse; traffic lights; airport travelators and Venezuela.

Alcohol

Alcohol is an important ingredient for you or your partner, depending on who is the less ugly. A bottle or two of burgundy will serve to loosen your inhibitions, which will come in handy if you decide to try a bit of karaoke half way through. But beware, too much alcohol can have a debilitating effect on your performance, making it difficult to sing anything by Celine Dion. You should avoid tequila, unless of course, both of you are extremely ugly.

Unquote

For the complete article for which we are not allowed to publish.

Ref url :- http://www.bangkokpost.com/260608_Mylife/2...8_family003.php

I found it amusing, enjoy

marshbags

[joskydive]

Maybe this thread should merge with the other one which is ongoing at the moment. 'What is the best Excuse you have heard? For not having a romp in the Hay.

[distortedlink]

Bangkok Post, MyLife, Thursday June 26, 2008

The loser's guide to lovemaking

DALE NOTTINGHAM

The last time I made love to a woman, she got a puncture and all the air came out. Deflated but undeterred, I patched her up with my bicycle repair kit and got straight back on the horse, so to speak. It is the wisdom that I attained from these ground-breaking experiments in the art of advanced love-making that I wish to share with you amateurs here today.

Accordingly, I proudly present my top-10 tips for a legendary lovemaking experience:

Mood

The correct mood is an essential forerunner to any memorable mating experience, so don't ever make love when you're grumpy. You will use up all you best lines and a prodigious amount of lubricant only to end up watching a replay of the 1979 FA cup final on the TV in the spare room.

Location

The bedroom is no place to be showcasing a talent like yours. Besides, that's where your wife is sleeping. For a night of unbridled passion your lady will truly treasure, it is important that you explore new and exciting places to practice your art. Suitably pulsating venues include: Watch repair shops; polling booths; Yankee Stadium; a hearse; traffic lights; airport travelators and Venezuela.

Alcohol

Alcohol is an important ingredient for you or your partner, depending on who is the less ugly. A bottle or two of burgundy will serve to loosen your inhibitions, which will come in handy if you decide to try a bit of karaoke half way through. But beware, too much alcohol can have a debilitating effect on your performance, making it difficult to sing anything by Celine Dion. You should avoid tequila, unless of course, both of you are extremely ugly.

MONEY

Present her with stacks of dosh. She will never get a headache, if doesnt matter whether you are tall, short, young, handsome, old, fat or ugly her passion for you will be overwhelming, anyplace, anytime.

Unquote

For the complete article for which we are not allowed to publish.

Ref url :- http://www.bangkokpost.com/260608_Mylife/2...8_family003.php

I found it amusing, enjoy

marshbags

[Jimjim]

The link probably won't work anymore in a few days as is the norm with Bangkok Post.

Yes, money, funny distortedlink. Actually not funny as it's far too over-used joke on this forum.

[marshbags]

As Dale Nottingham is having a light hearted look on this particular subject and it is a general view why does it always have to be taken cynically here in Thailand.

Sadly many farang have forgotten how to have a bit of fun on lifes observations in a non serious way.

Thank F*** i was born and have lived through a time when everyone used to laugh not only at others such observations on life, but also at ourselves.

Let,s get back to this part of our lives and see it as such instead of self detroying cynicism.

IMHO of course

marshbags

I,ve saved the complete article for my brother to have a laugh at and it can easily be PM,d should anyone want it, should the link become unavailable.

Edited June 27, 2008 by marshbags