About 'the Parents'.

[Radius]

Hello all,

I am aware that it is considered a big deal in Thailand to meet the parents of your girl.

But how about the girl wanting a picture fom you to show to her parents.

Is this an indication of true feeling towards you or does it mean very little?

I understand it is different per individual but lets assume an avarage situation.

[Moonrakers]

Maybe she finds you very handsome and wants to "Show off". No harm in that, and I gladly show people a photo of my attractive wife.

[GuestHouse]

If you are looking for signs that confirm your girlfriend’s affections/commitment to you then I would advise you look for the very normal signs that you would expect from a woman back home in your own culture (or anywhere else on the planet).

If they are not there, don’t go trying to find positive signs in Thai cultural behavior that may or may not be explained to you correctly. – There is a slippery slope on that road, one in which life and your relationship must be measured against ‘Thai Way’ – It’s been my long observation that ‘The Thai Way’ and what things ‘Mean in Thai Culture’ is nothing but a hall of smoke and mirrors.

Being introduced to the Parents is of course a big deal, but I’d expect signs of your g/f’s affection/commitment to be blatantly obvious long before you get introduced to the Parents.

If you are looking for a sign in the introduction that is missing elsewhere then take that as a cautionary warning.

[Radius]

Oooh, I have many more signs of her affection

Both in spoken word and written.

I have shown her picture to my parents as well. And for me this does mean something. I am showing a picture of a girl I like very much and that I am trying to build a relationship with.

After reading the importance of the parents in Thai culture I just wondered if this is the same for her.

As you may read between the lines, our relationship is only just beginning.

[wileycoyote]

Bite the bullet ,and ask what her childhood was like & if you could meet her family.

[Losangels]

I think it is one of the first important steps toward a relationship here.

Besides showing your picture to her parents she might as well show it to her friends and relatives to get some feedback. Good luck

[Radius]

Judging by what I have read about Thai culture and meeting the parent we are nowhere near that stage. (it's pretty much a marital proposal as I understand it).

Oh, and I am not some super hot male model. So thats not the reason to show my picture either.

And yes, she mentioned showing it to her friends as well.

I have not yet asked about her childhood specificly, but I have asked about brothers and/or sisters.

Edited July 3, 2008 by Radius

[barky]

She is just trying to save possible face loss in advance. Show the parents your mug shot in advance of a proposed meeting. If they disapprove, you get dumpped = no uncomfortable moments at a meeting. If they approve you can move on to the next square.

[lardy]

Oooh, I have many more signs of her affection

Both in spoken word and written.

I have shown her picture to my parents as well. And for me this does mean something. I am showing a picture of a girl I like very much and that I am trying to build a relationship with.

After reading the importance of the parents in Thai culture I just wondered if this is the same for her.

As you may read between the lines, our relationship is only just beginning.

Ive met my wife's Mother many times usually when searching through her handbag, she doesnt say much but then talking to a piece of her skull embedded in plastic is probably quite restrictive for her.

Thankfully I never had the parents dilenmma both are dead!!

What a lovely trinket she made though

[steveromagnino]

Judging by what I have read about Thai culture and meeting the parent we are nowhere near that stage. (it's pretty much a marital proposal as I understand it).

Oh, and I am not some super hot male model. So thats not the reason to show my picture either.

And yes, she mentioned showing it to her friends as well.

I have not yet asked about her childhood specificly, but I have asked about brothers and/or sisters.

not at all.

You would normally meet the parents if you wre around, if she likes you and if you were important well before that. Perhaps introduced as a friend, or similar especially if upcountry.

I can safely assume we are talking about someone upcountry here (if in BKK you should meet parents fairly soon as they are quite close by) - if you can explain how far from BKK that might explain why you hven't met them yet.

Big age difference, bozo, idiot etc and usually it will be at the last minute; logic being parents think you are an old lecher, but ah well fronted up with a ton of cash that proves you can look after her.

I have yet to meet a parent that cared much about apperance other than looks like a gentlemen (phoo dee), well presented, probably decent job, can be responsible that sort of thing.

Tatooed biker coal miner types might have to scrub themselves up a bit but even they can pull all this off. nothing to do with handcome; actually most of the parents I've met of friends and GFs and similar all consider me to be definitely BAD marriage material, at least early on, because they always assume I must be being propositioned all the time and have many opporunties to stray. (after they know me a bit longer, they usually realise I am a dork and then they realise that most women have enough brains not to bother!)

Interestingly, for upcountry, being fat is often a sign that you will be 'jai dee' and also that again probably reduces infidelity.

If Isaan however, especially if there are a few meea farangs in the area, then it may all come down to money; especially southern Isaan e.g. Surin, Buriram. Southern Thailand it may come down to religion. North, it may come down to whether you can be bothered hanging around long enough for the women to finish their sentences jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooo.

And if she is from Loei, then please allow me to become friends, as I want to go cycling there and besides it is really pretty :-)

Edited July 3, 2008 by steveromagnino

[Radius]

I don't think the time to meet the parents is now (going by Thai culture). As I said, we are in the total beginning of this relationship.

It is also possible she (and maybe her family as well) have adopted more Western ways then I think currently.

There is no big age difference and I am not some nutcase either.

[farang555]

what u scared of.

you may want to know early on if they r the type of people you want to put on yr bankroll!

[a2396]

I assume you the OP and the GF are living in Thailand, if not different rules may apply. If you are interested in marriage with her, then proceed. If not, I would steer clear of any entanglements with her family, as you will likely be directed to the marriage railroad line, with all that it entails.

[Radius]

oh, I am not scared. I am just wondering.

Let me scetch the situation a little so you understand more.

I was in Thaland on vacation. Met her, spend a few days with her.

We spoke 5 or 6 times on the phone and we have exchande 2 letters and a package so far.

I am here (5500 miles away) and she is there (in Thailand).

I am currently trying to find out if and what she feels to decide if I want to go back to Thailand in november.

I have multiple indications of her feelings towards me. All of them are pretty clear but offcourse doubt always looks around the corner and if I really wanted I could explain every single one of those signs in a different way.

This doubt comes from, on one side, a normal fear of striking out. And on the other side by some of the 'horror' stories you hear.

I take this stories with a big grain of salt but that doesn't mean I am not aware of them.

Currently I am trying to figure out what the 'showing of picture to parents' means.

Maybe the same as it does for me, maybe more, maybe less. Difficult to assess for a farang from 5500 miles away.

Hence the question.

[farang555]

oh you r one of those guys!

someone going to ask you which bar did u meet her in.

and yr answer will dictate what you should or should not worry about............lol.

i still think good thai girls dont spend time with tourist off the boat, so to say. not the kind you want your parents to meet.

[GuestHouse]

I was in Thaland on vacation. Met her, spend a few days with her.

Where exactly did you meet her? What does she do for a living?

[intumult]

She is just trying to save possible face loss in advance. Show the parents your mug shot in advance of a proposed meeting. If they disapprove, you get dumpped = no uncomfortable moments at a meeting. If they approve you can move on to the next square.

Slightly off topic but one lady asked me to go for a walk in the park.

I did so.

Unknown to me at the time, her parents were sat in the park watching me from a distance. (So she told me later).

Appears they gave their approval as we saw a lot more of each other.

Maybe in the same vein as 'barky' says, to avoid any unpleasantness, she shows the photo and if people disaprove, that is the end of it.

If they do approve, that is when the fun really begins

[farang555]

right on cue mr g.house..........lol.

[Radius]

I have no reason to think that she has any bad intentions in mind (but more people will have thought that in the past probebly).

She has a good job doing finances in a hotel.

This is also the place I met her. So, it was not in a bar. She also did not at all go after me. I had to go after her.

Took me 2 days to get some form of communication going.

I do not wish to share many more specific details about her or me because I feel that is none of your business.

[farang555]

you wandered into the hotels accounting dept..............lol.

what kind of hours does she put in at work !

already yr story doesnt add up!

ps. bargurls don t have to come from a bar.

Edited July 3, 2008 by farang555

[GuestHouse]

I have no reason to think that she has any bad intentions in mind (but more people will have thought that in the past probebly).

She has a good job doing finances in a hotel.

This is also the place I met her. So, it was not in a bar. She also did not at all go after me. I had to go after her.

Took me 2 days to get some form of communication going.

I do not wish to share many more specific details about her or me because I feel that is none of your business.

As Farang555 rightly points out - where and underwhat circumstances you met this woman does have an impact on the kind of advice people (including myself) will give.

My advice would be realistic - You are a long way away from her and she presumably meets plenty of guys like yourself - She almost certainly wants to be in a relationship with someone, maybe you, maybe someone else she meets. If you ar planning to go back to Thailand in November then let her know your plans and keep the communication going - but be aware that she probably only has ten days a year vacaction, so don't expect her to be able to drop work while you are around.

Based on what you have said I think it sounds as though you might be at the start of a good friendship - I wouldn't expect too much more as you are not living in Thailand.

I think steady as she goes would be a good idea - and keep in mind what they say - absence makes the heart grow fonder (fonder for whom they never said).

[steveromagnino]

And here I was thinking it was abcess makes the fart go honda, as the doctor said to the patient with severe flatulence and a desire to talk about Japanese cars (said in a Samuel Weller type way)

[Radius]

Thank you for you response GuestHouse.

To be honest with you I do not see the importance of the circumstances in which me met.

I saw her in the hotel, talked to people she worked with about her (learned she is single). exchanged some smiles and after 2 days we finally got to talk.

Been talking to her through letters and on the phone ever since I came back home.

I am trying to figure out where we stand. Yes, I asked her and I am awaiting response. But because I am aware of cultural differences and the 'stories' I like to get some external info as well.

You all, are one of my external information sources on this subject.

In the end only I and she will decide where this goes offcourse, but knowledge is never wrong I think. And because I read about the significance of meeting the parents in Thai culture I wondered what the showing of a simple picture means.

Maybe nothing, maybe the same as in the 'West' maybe more. That is all.

I am currently not in need of an in depth analyses of our relationship.

Edited July 3, 2008 by Radius

[farang555]

actually a girl wanting u to meet the folks after knowing u 4 such a short time indicates u may have a loon on your hands. id be wary.

oops nevermind she just wants to show them a photo.

Edited July 3, 2008 by farang555

[Radius]

She is not asking me to meet the parents. She was only asking for a picture of me to show to her friends and parents.

That is all.

I was wondering if there is any other meaning behind that(with Thai culture in mind) other then the (for me normal) western reason to show my parents a picture of a girl I have met and am interested in.

Edited July 3, 2008 by Radius

[GuestHouse]

To be honest with you I do not see the importance of the circumstances in which me met.

Well perhaps you don’t, but I’m sure with a little thought on the matter you might.

[Radius]

To be honest with you I do not see the importance of the circumstances in which me met.

Well perhaps you don't, but I'm sure with a little thought on the matter you might.

Nope, I don't.

I am asking for the significance of showing a photo to Thai parents. In a cultural way.

So it has nothing to do with how we met.

A bar girl, a prostitute or a 'normal' Thai girl are all bound by the same culture.

Feel free to give more then one option if needed (with explaination please).

Edited July 3, 2008 by Radius

[britmaveric]

Serious business meeting the parents - don't do it unless you are certain this is the one for you. Meeting parents is paramount to marriage.

[Radius]

I am not asking about meeting the parents, I am just talking about a simple picture.

[medoraman]

I am not asking about meeting the parents, I am just talking about a simple picture.

From my understanding from Thai friends, she will show the picture to her parents, maybe for their advice. She also probably wants it to show friends for their advice and maybe to try to keep you in mind. The previous poster had it spot on.

Please do not be too mad about posters asking where you met her. There are too many fresh off the boat farang thinking if they meet someone not at a gogo bar, then they are safe to assume they are not interested in money. Too many bad surprises from that assumption.