About 'the Parents'.

[Radius]

I am sorry to get a little mad when people ask this question.

On one side it is because I know people make wrong assumptions but I do not see myself as one of them.

And on the other side I do have some fear of falling blindly in love with this lady and doing things I regret later.

I am just trying to keep my head together.

Thank you for your kind response medoraman.

[Newbee]

She was only asking for a picture of me to show to her friends and parents.

That is all.

I was wondering if there is any other meaning behind that (with Thai culture in mind)

With the culture in mind the word killer comes to my mind . But don't worry, he will be (if at all) the last in the queue, friends and parents first.

[britmaveric]

Slightly above the family dog, but below a plate of tum yum.

Edited July 3, 2008 by britmaveric

[JOHN2]

''Please do not be too mad about posters asking where you met her. There are too many fresh off the boat farang thinking if they meet someone not at a gogo bar, then they are safe to assume they are not interested in money. Too many bad surprises from that assumption.''

Correct,they are all the same bar girl or not.

[sgtpeppers]

Serious business meeting the parents - don't do it unless you are certain this is the one for you. Meeting parents is paramount to marriage.

not sure about that.

I asked a male thai today about the deal on meeting the parents cos I am in a similar situation. He said its just a way for the girl to gain trust in you.

So not as serious as britmaveric is making it out to be,...... the OP sounds like he is in the friends stage not the girlfriend/boyfriend stage. although id be interested in what opinions others have.

[GuestHouse]

There are strains of desperation in this... and I'm not quite sure yet who is the most desperate.

Really - Why the agony over a few days spent together, a few phone calls and the exchange of 'a package'?

This sort of thing is supposed to have worn off by the time you start to shave regularly.

[Radius]

There are strains of desperation in this... and I'm not quite sure yet who is the most desperate.

Really - Why the agony over a few days spent together, a few phone calls and the exchange of 'a package'?

This sort of thing is supposed to have worn off by the time you start to shave regularly.

I guess it meant a little more then just a friendly get together.

I still don't believe in love at first sight, but I can understand how people mistake this for it.

[MKAsok]

A bar girl, a prostitute or a 'normal' Thai girl are all bound by the same culture.

Who told you that? Prostitutes (not sure precisely what you mean by 'bar girl' since it's usually a given euphemism for prostitute) in Thailand are generally considered to be living way outside mainstream Thai norms and values. Mainstream Thai culture is conservative in nature. Listen to GH's advice. It's sound. I really wouldn't be hand-wringing about a picture at this stage, since it's almost certainly of no particular significance beyond that which you would imagine in your own culture.

[Radius]

A women wishes to provide for her family.

She cannot because she has no skills, no money, or encountered some sort of catastrophy.

The (cultural) drive to provide for her parents is so big that she thinks her only way to get it done is to become a prostitute.

a prostitute has had many men.

Because this is well known, she has lost face and therefor is no longer interesting for Thai men.

This will drive her to farang that also happen to be rich (or so she has been told).

She falls in love with one of these farangs but gets cheated.

Now she goes to sleep with multiple men at the same time to just get what she needs.

Her drive is still the same though: Providing for her parents as part of repaying her debt to them.

This is Thai culture. This is why I say all Thai are driven by that same culture.

I took a few shortcuts here, but I think I covered the basics.

And yes I thought the picture holds no extra significance in Thai culture but I thought I'd ask to be sure.

Not expecting the annoying flood of sarcasm.

Edited July 3, 2008 by Radius

[MKAsok]

A women wishes to provide for her family.

She cannot because she has no skills, no money, or encountered some sort of catastrophy.

The (cultural) drive to provide for her parents is so big that she thinks her only way to get it done is to become a prostitute.

a prostitute has had many men.

Because this is well known, she has lost face and therefor is no longer interesting for Thai men.

This will drive her to farang that also happen to be rich (or so she has been told).

She falls in love with one of these farangs but gets cheated.

Now she goes to sleep with multiple men at the same time to just get what she needs.

Her drive is still the same though: Providing for her parents as part of repaying her debt to them.

This is Thai culture. This is why I say all Thai are driven by that same culture.

I took a few shortcuts here, but I think I covered the basics.

And yes I thought the picture holds no extra significance in Thai culture but I thought I'd ask to be sure.

Not expecting the annoying flood of sarcasm.

I take your point, even though it's something of a facile generalisation. I'm not going to debate you on whether issues of gat dtan yuu excuse prostitution in mainstream Thai culture, since it would be outside the scope of this topic and ultimately pointless anyway.

No sarcasm intended. I hope it all works out for you...

mk

[RakJungTorlae]

She is not asking me to meet the parents. She was only asking for a picture of me to show to her friends and parents.

That is all.

I was wondering if there is any other meaning behind that(with Thai culture in mind) other then the (for me normal) western reason to show my parents a picture of a girl I have met and am interested in.

Actually a very small percentage of Thais Practice voodoo. If she gets some of your hair and a photo you could be up shit creek!!! Good friend of mine dose believe in voodoo but hates it to bits as she said she was a victim of a strange family that did voodoo on her. Im not sure if Thais even call it voodoo maybe some other word.

Like seriously thou if someone asked me for pic I say I don’t have one as I cant be bothered to go get one. Or tell them to use there phone and text message it to a email or something.

[Radius]

Thank you mk.

Back on topic:

I still have a lot to learn about Thai culture. I just want to see where it all leads with this girl.

If we are not compatible, I will be sad, but at least we tried.

What I don't want to happen is that we break up because of some stupid misunderstanding because of cultural differences.

This is why I am trying to learn as much as I can about it. And it is also the reason that triggered my question.

Parents are obviously very important in Thai culture. So I wondered if even a small thing like showing them a picture of some guy she met has some deeper meaning I am missing.

Judging from the reactions so far this is not the case. But it does look like it is not a bad thing that she wants to show her parents who she met.

So unless someone has something to say to convince me otherwise I am going to take the 'showing my picture to her parents' as a good thing.

Not spectacular or super meaningfull. Just 'a good thing'.

I am quite happy with that conclusion actually.

[RakJungTorlae]

You sound like a nice guy to care about her family culture and respect that. But I don’t think so much effort should be involved. If this relationship works out, just relax and be your self don’t lose your cool ect ect. I think over thinking culture will also course problems.I think you should be on alert and read thou a lot of the post regarding Thai ladies, Also if Voodoo is involved but it doesn’t work. I would high tail it out of there fast!!!

[Radius]

Thank you RakJungTorlae,

I am aware that I might be overthinking this.

I have had my time of thinking about it though. I have decided to just be aware of the things that are different between us and just enjoy whatever it is we are building up here.

I enjoy the picture of her she gave me in Thailand.

I enjoy what she says on the phone.

I enjoy what she writes.

I enjoy it when she speaks English to me (which she is learning more because of me).

I enjoy learning Thai and beeing able to understand her when she speaks Thai.

I enjoy it when she understands me when I try to speak Thai.

I enjoy understanding things I didn't before (I allready expected the holding hands in public was 'not done', but now I know why)

In short: I am enjoying myself and I will do what I can to make sure she enjoys herself as well.

And if, in time, this leads to something even more beautifull: great!!

Edited July 3, 2008 by Radius

[medoraman]

Thank you RakJungTorlae,

I am aware that I might be overthinking this.

I have had my time of thinking about it though. I have decided to just be aware of the things that are different between us and just enjoy whatever it is we are building up here.

I enjoy the picture of her she gave me in Thailand.

I enjoy what she says on the phone.

I enjoy what she writes.

I enjoy it when she speaks English to me (which she is learning more because of me).

I enjoy learning Thai and beeing able to understand her when she speaks Thai.

I enjoy it when she understands me when I try to speak Thai.

I enjoy understanding things I didn't before (I allready expected the holding hands in public was 'not done', but now I know why)

In short: I am enjoying myself and I will do what I can to make sure she enjoys herself as well.

And if, in time, this leads to something even more beautifull: great!!

Yes, you are overthinking, and I am right there beside you. The good part about all of this information everywhere is you can read up and try to avoid any pitfalls. The bad part is that you get so jumpy that you start not trusting your feelings and start to read bad, (or culturally significant), things into every action. Relationships cannot flourish this way, especially long distance ones.

Seriously, I am just as bad as you are, so I am preaching to myself at the same time. Just give yourself and her a break, accept things at face value, and let the relationship build some trust and security. Of course keep an eye out for some big red flags you read about, but little things let go and just enjoy yourself.

I wish you the best of luck.

[RakJungTorlae]

Thank you RakJungTorlae,

I am aware that I might be overthinking this.

I have had my time of thinking about it though. I have decided to just be aware of the things that are different between us and just enjoy whatever it is we are building up here.

I enjoy the picture of her she gave me in Thailand.

I enjoy what she says on the phone.

I enjoy what she writes.

I enjoy it when she speaks English to me (which she is learning more because of me).

I enjoy learning Thai and beeing able to understand her when she speaks Thai.

I enjoy it when she understands me when I try to speak Thai.

I enjoy understanding things I didn't before (I allready expected the holding hands in public was 'not done', but now I know why)

In short: I am enjoying myself and I will do what I can to make sure she enjoys herself as well.

And if, in time, this leads to something even more beautifull: great!!

Are you a virgin?

[Radius]

Are you a virgin?

No, I grew up and became an adult, unlike some of the posters on this forum.

[medoraman]

Are you a virgin?

RakJungTorlae,

I take it you are Thai. Believe it or not, some western men are this romantic. It may be considered adolescent or immature in Thailand, but it used to be considered the height of manliness to be this romantic in the west. Another cultural difference I suppose.

[RakJungTorlae]

Are you a virgin?

RakJungTorlae,

I take it you are Thai. Believe it or not, some western men are this romantic. It may be considered adolescent or immature in Thailand, but it used to be considered the height of manliness to be this romantic in the west. Another cultural difference I suppose.

im half,

Its been a while since ive seem this kind of talk romance and just not from the movies!. He dose sound like a nice guy thou and hope things work out for him. I am a little worried bout the voodoo part as some Thais believe in it! but it can also mean for the better good as well. Also the over thinking on culture as well can course some delays in happiness. But I think he will be fine.

[farang555]

im not worried bout the girl in all this . im worried bout radius.

he tink too mut.

you like girl prove it by coming back to los and staying with her. next time you see her in nov. it may be as if she never met you, another guy may have given her his photo.....lol.. these girls you meet on vacation can be fun but they can sure turn on you real fast.

nothing is accomplished by long distance chatters and mailing packages.

girls talk to bf all the time in internet cafes here , many more than one bf at a time.

[teacup]

I am not asking about meeting the parents, I am just talking about a simple picture.

Oh …for god sake and your own insanity including ours too,.... don’t think too much into it.

Just give them one of your pictures what harm can it be. If you can’t find one that sobered enough, just give them a sheet of your passport photo, this is where most farangs look their best !

[thaihome]

She probably has many opportunities to meet other farnags just like you and wants the picture to add to her collection. Many young Thai women in her place are carefully screening the best prospects, including farangs, for eventual marriage. Don’t think you are the only one she is staying in contact with. That is not a criticism, but a fact of current day Thai culture.

TH

[Radius]

Little something:

I do not mind people warning me for certain types of girls in Thailand and that the one I am 'with' might be one of those girls.

But to flat out say she is one, is something I find offensive (for and her). I know I will have to develop a thicker skin for this because it will happen more as we grow closer together.

But this doesn't mean I have to like it.

I would advice everyone to keep warning farang with a similar story as mine, but stop making assumptions.

You cannot look into either our heads, so you just don't know what is really going on.

Another little something:

I don't think my first post indicated any overthinking on my part. Just a little thing that I wondered about.

At the moment of posting I had allready send several pictures of myself to Thailand.

This wasn't a question because I wondered IF I should send the picture(s). I was a question about possible additional meaning to this action because of Thai culture.

Nevertheless: Thank you all for your concern.

[GuestHouse]

I'm reminded again of my definition of good advice to foreigners in Thailand.

Good advice being advice which agrees with what the person asking for advice wants to hear.

Board members will also recall that I often make the comment 'Do not introduce your wife/girlfriend on TV' and by that I don't mean 'don't sign her up as a member'.

But it's too late for that.

Meanwhile, I hope things work out well for you. You've had advice from a bunch of guys on how best to make that happen so you've had something that many of the guys who have been in your position have not had.

Have the good grace not to bite people who have responded with your best interests at heart.

And take my advice - Don't bring your wife/girlfriend to TV.

[farang555]

i hope op didnt consummate his relationship. you knoe what that means in thai culture......lol!