Will I Lose My Home?

[kamphaengphet1]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

[PhilHarries]

As I see it if she has an indefinate stay visa (ILR?) she has the same rights as if she were your British wife.

Thus she is entitled to 50% of your assetts (accumulated after the marriage?) with a ++ due to the child.

Suggest you go talk to a lawyer. You are in a perilous position where she, under the guidance of others, could level damaging accusations at you.

Suggest you sit down and talk to her and discuss ways you can help her through this sticky patch.

[farang555]

you guys never stop

now your whole marriage was a sponsorship deal

[The Bullfrog]

In my experience and from information from my UK lawyer and Thai lawyer..The divorce and assets only apply to the country in which you married..i.e. You married in Thailand and divorce is to Thai law.

So she will be entitled to 50% of you assetts...but only Thai assetts...

If you are in LOS contact these:-

http://www.htoosi.com/

Expensive but good..

[GuestHouse]

The Legal Bit

Your wife has full marital rights regardless of whether she has ILR or not.

Her rights start at 50% of your marital property and wealth

Your = that which belongs to you and her.

That which belongs to you and here = the sum total of everything you both own, in the UK, in Thailand and elsewhere regardless of whether that was owned before you married and regardless of whether you have a Pre-Nup in place.

The starting point is 50%, if she gains full custody of the child she may gain up to 70% + Maintenance.

--

Considerations may be: To your benefit - That she is going to return to Thailand where she can buy a property/and the child can live cheaper than in the UK.

Against you (depending how good a lawyer she has) - That if she moves abroad enforcing the inevitable child maintenance order would be difficult/impossible.

She might therefore be advised to seek either a sequestration order on your salary/income/pension. Alternatively she might be advised to seek a larger cash settlement (moving 50% towards 70%).

----

Most if not all of the above depends on your wife gaining full custody of the child.

-----------------------------------------------

The Welfare of your Child and your Wife.

Immediate Welfare:

You have stated that your wife is having difficulty taking care of your child and it seems she is unhappy in your marriage / the UK.

You have also stated that you have a young child together.

The obvious question to ask is, how old is the child and is it likely that your wife is suffering from post natal depression? - This, contrary to popular belief may continue long after child birth and may run into a general state of depression.

I would urge you to make an appointment to speak with a doctor about this - go alone if necessary - and ask for advice on how you can get help for you all, and help for your wife and child. (It might be a good idea not to mention you are worried about your house - it is your wife and importantly your child you need to focus on).

If she is failing to take care of the child then you can assume that this is already having a long term impact on the health and welfare of your child - You need to get that sorted.

Longer Term Welfare:

If you do decide to divorce and your wife does decide to head to Thailand (almost certain) then you need to decide if allowing your child to go with her is a good idea or not. Is there any evidence that the mother will suddenly start to care for the child? If the mother is indeed suffering depression is there any hope of her getting the help she needs and then being able to look after your child? What do you actually believe she will do with your child in Thailand and what do you actually believe will be the long term life prospects for your child if that is allowed to happen?

If you are not happy with the answers to those questions then you ought to have a serious think about seeking custody for your child. (Be aware that to do so you are going to have to throw all the dirt you can muster against your wife - This doesn't have to be vindictive - but she will perceive it so when you drag up things like - her past personal history, the conditions in her home, the educational and health standards in Thailand and her behavior/emotional/mental health in the UK, her failure to take care of the child etc.

-----

Back to the Legal Bit

You already expect that your wife will seek divorce - You need to prepare yourself for this.

Demonstrating that you are a caring father/husband and that you are doing everything for the welfare of your family is going to be important. If you are going to seek custody of your child (and I would not judge that on the basis of the little information you have given) then you are going to need the support of medical and welfare records substantiating your claims that it is in the best interests of your child to stay with the father. - This is important - The court will look for what is in the best interests of the child, the assumption will almost certainly be that the child should stay with the mother.

------

In the meantime.

If your child has a passport(s), get hold of it/them and remove it/them from the house. Heathrow offers and all too easy and secure child custody solution.

Also start considering what is important - Your house or your marriage, your house or your child?

Edited July 18, 2008 by GuestHouse

[Sabum]

Hmmm your primary concern is NOT what will happen to YOUR child? She's talking about giving your child away to other people in another country..... why did you choose such a horrible wife? Why do so many of you guys do that? Nothing ever changes.... Im thinking no amount of information or warning will ever be enough for the dauntless masses of falang men.

[farang555]

the big warning sign in this case was a thai woman who had no problem leaving a young thai child behind to go live with a white guy in the white guys country. most healthy moms just dont abandon young uns, as the usa hillbillys say!

[dotcom]

Suggest you agree to let her go & then sue for divorce on grounds of abandonment. You stay in England & hope she doesn't return.

[a2396]

the big warning sign in this case was a thai woman who had no problem leaving a young thai child behind to go live with a white guy in the white guys country. most healthy moms just dont abandon young uns, as the usa hillbillys say!

It seems many Thai women give the child to the Father's side of the family, if there is a divorce, particularly if it's a male. I wouldn't draw any inferences regarding her charachter form this issue. My opinion is that parents should try to stay together, if children are involved and work out the problems. My preference is to avoid having children, unless you are sure you have an "ironclad" relationship. Unfortunately, such a thing is often very elusive.

[ukrules]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

Just a thought but is the house in your name only ? If so then it might be time to remortgage and reduce your equity to near zero and move the money out of harms way.

[Edonista]

you guys never stop

now your whole marriage was a sponsorship deal

Just wait some time and perhaps you will discover yours was a sponsorship deal too. You will have to wipe that 555 off your nickname then

[Edonista]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

Just a thought but is the house in your name only ? If so then it might be time to remortgage and reduce your equity to near zero and move the money out of harms way.

Excellent advice

[farang555]

bad financial advice. any competant lawyer will see thru it and and nail op to the wall for hiding assets.

ps. im in los 4 the good reasons. to enjoy the party atmosphere. i wouldnt want to touch a village girl with the proverbial 10 foot pole.

[Maizefarmer]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

Child involved? - you need to go see a lawyer ASAP ..............

[Pushit]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

She can give your son away and you are just concerned about your "estate" sorry for you.

[denboy]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

She can give your son away and you are just concerned about your "estate" sorry for you.

Seeing as you were married in the UK and she holds an indefinate stay visa, you are sure to be hammered in any settlement.

A Thai lady is always keen to have a son within Thailand to take care of her in her old age so she would fight tooth and nail to have custody of him.

I have been through something similar with a UK wife so I know how it hurts.

If I was in your present position and reading bewteen the lines on your stated relationship. I would be looking to be making her a cash settlement if she was willing to sign a legal document waiving any claim on your property in any divorce settlement. This can be done leagally as I did this with my first wife after she did a butterfly routine.

Your son will always be your son wherever he is in the world and how you deal with that is down to your individual feelings for his well being in life.

it is easy for people to post stupid critcism but you will be joining the biggest club in the world, so don't despair and keep looking ahead positively.

[Tigs]

For a 'Thai Forum' and many members involved with Thai women I am still staggered at the lack of cultural understanding shown sometimes. It is absolutely normal for a Thai mother to allow her parents (Grandma) to take care of the child, while she goes out to earn money or even work to alleviate boredom. Normally when a Thai has a baby she has an incredible amount of support from her family. She is in England, and it is not an easy situation at the best of times. Why do you plan a divorce before you have exhausted all possibilities of staying with her?? I guess things aren't easy right now, as if she is depressed then it will effect the two of you in all aspects of your life (the intimate bit included). Before you judge your wife, and take a step that will have profound consequences on all your lives, try this little experiment. Take two days holiday from work on a Thurs, Fri, take the weekend off as well. Pack your wife off to see one of her friends in London maybe (she will know someone somewhere). You then take care of the child on your own for the four days. Do not call anyone on the phone, and do not visit, or have visitors (simulates the isolation of some Thai wives in the UK). Clean the house everyday and cook your meals (no takeaways). By Sunday when she comes home, not only will you be desperately relieved to see her, you will have an idea of just how demanding it is being a mother, in particular the boredom. It will be good for you and your child with the time together, and she will come back feeling refreshed. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck

Edited July 18, 2008 by Tigs

[darklightmatter]

If you go for a Divorce then your wifes solicitor will put up a MHRO matrimonial home rights order on your property to stop you from selling it. So if you sold it all monies will be held in your wifes solicitors name thus you can do nothing. This is standard practice.

http://www1.landregistry.gov.uk/assets/lib...c_guide_004.pdf

A divorce can take as long as two years so you are in no hurry to do anything. In fact if you or your wife goes for a divorce both your lives will be on hold for a while.

Th rules of MHRO are horrid and the people who invented them need to be gassed ASAP unfortunately it was a the house of lords who dreamt this one up.

You will only get your home (or part of it) at the end of the divorce as this is the time when the Land registry can take your wifes name off it.

good luck (as you will need it)

[dumball]

For a 'Thai Forum' and many members involved with Thai women I am still staggered at the lack of cultural understanding shown sometimes. It is absolutely normal for a Thai mother to allow her parents (Grandma) to take care of the child, while she goes out to earn money or even work to alleviate boredom. Normally when a Thai has a baby she has an incredible amount of support from her family. She is in England, and it is not an easy situation at the best of times. Why do you plan a divorce before you have exhausted all possibilities of staying with her?? I guess things aren't easy right now, as if she is depressed then it will effect the two of you in all aspects of your life (the intimate bit included). Before you judge your wife, and take a step that will have profound consequences on all your lives, try this little experiment. Take two days holiday from work on a Thurs, Fri, take the weekend off as well. Pack your wife off to see one of her friends in London maybe (she will know someone somewhere). You then take care of the child on your own for the four days. Do not call anyone on the phone, and do not visit, or have visitors (simulates the isolation of some Thai wives in the UK). Clean the house everyday and cook your meals (no takeaways). By Sunday when she comes home, not only will you be desperately relieved to see her, you will have an idea of just how demanding it is being a mother, in particular the boredom. It will be good for you and your child with the time together, and she will come back feeling refreshed. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck

i find it hard to corrolate the difference between a Thai mother and any other mother in regard to caring for her own child , Thais seem to find it easy to dissassimilate themselves from thier children to obviate the work and caring it involves . This lady is living in England where the neccessity to work outside of family life to support her child because her husband (still at home?) is unable (or unwilling) to do so . Thai ladies seem to get home-sick for village life even whilst they still live in Thailand , i have been told it is because village life is so 'easy'.There seems to be more to this problem than is being presented by the OP . Whilst my wife was in hospital having subsequent children , i stayed at home to 'Play mom' i quite enjoyed the freedom from my usual working life , i even offered to do it every day if my wife wanted or needed to release the apron strings .

[roygsd]

you guys never stop

now your whole marriage was a sponsorship deal

Just wait some time and perhaps you will discover yours was a sponsorship deal too. You will have to wipe that 555 off your nickname then

Hi,

Not a chance of that,I see from his postings that he claims he is "here for the right reasons", what a <deleted>!

Roy gsd

Edited July 18, 2008 by roygsd

[roygsd]

bad financial advice. any competant lawyer will see thru it and and nail op to the wall for hiding assets.

ps. im in los 4 the good reasons. to enjoy the party atmosphere. i wouldnt want to touch a village girl with the proverbial 10 foot pole.

The Village girls are no doubt very fortunate but no doubt the village boys even more grateful.

Roy gsd

[Chaimai]

the big warning sign in this case was a thai woman who had no problem leaving a young thai child behind to go live with a white guy in the white guys country. most healthy moms just dont abandon young uns, as the usa hillbillys say!

Crap !

Falang 555, you cando better than that

[Chaimai]

Buy a one way ticket. That will absolve you from most responsibilities.

start again

[Brigante7]

The only thing you have to worry about is your son. There is a 99% chance that your wifes lawyer will co-erce her to make accusations that you have been violent to her, try to keep a log of where you go each day and at what time to counter any claims of violence, be very careful.

Hiding your son's passport is a good idea, she has no need for it so can't complain.

Good luck and fight very very dirty, because she will.

[farang555]

i had no idea thai moms treat their kids like donkey doo!

that 5 year old kid will do the same same when it has kids prolly. abandon it. esp. if pot of gold is seen to be found with a starng man in a strange land.

Edited July 19, 2008 by farang555

[Edonista]

the big warning sign in this case was a thai woman who had no problem leaving a young thai child behind to go live with a white guy in the white guys country. most healthy moms just dont abandon young uns, as the usa hillbillys say!

Crap !

Falang 555, you can do better than that

Allow me to doubt that

[intumult]

The only thing you have to worry about is your son. There is a 99% chance that your wifes lawyer will co-erce her to make accusations that you have been violent to her, try to keep a log of where you go each day and at what time to counter any claims of violence, be very careful.

Hiding your son's passport is a good idea, she has no need for it so can't complain.

Good luck and fight very very dirty, because she will.

In my experience of 2 divorces in the UK [granted, divorcing english women] the divorces started out amicably enough, then the lawyers and friends got involved.

Yes, they became very dirty fights, and you need to be prepared for that.

If you are going to divorce, think how much it is going to soak up in legal fees etc. and see if she will accept a settlement. Maybe cheaper in the long run.

[grantbkk]

For a 'Thai Forum' and many members involved with Thai women I am still staggered at the lack of cultural understanding shown sometimes. It is absolutely normal for a Thai mother to allow her parents (Grandma) to take care of the child, while she goes out to earn money or even work to alleviate boredom. Normally when a Thai has a baby she has an incredible amount of support from her family. She is in England, and it is not an easy situation at the best of times. Why do you plan a divorce before you have exhausted all possibilities of staying with her?? I guess things aren't easy right now, as if she is depressed then it will effect the two of you in all aspects of your life (the intimate bit included). Before you judge your wife, and take a step that will have profound consequences on all your lives, try this little experiment. Take two days holiday from work on a Thurs, Fri, take the weekend off as well. Pack your wife off to see one of her friends in London maybe (she will know someone somewhere). You then take care of the child on your own for the four days. Do not call anyone on the phone, and do not visit, or have visitors (simulates the isolation of some Thai wives in the UK). Clean the house everyday and cook your meals (no takeaways). By Sunday when she comes home, not only will you be desperately relieved to see her, you will have an idea of just how demanding it is being a mother, in particular the boredom. It will be good for you and your child with the time together, and she will come back feeling refreshed. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck

i find it hard to corrolate the difference between a Thai mother and any other mother in regard to caring for her own child , Thais seem to find it easy to dissassimilate themselves from thier children to obviate the work and caring it involves . This lady is living in England where the neccessity to work outside of family life to support her child because her husband (still at home?) is unable (or unwilling) to do so . Thai ladies seem to get home-sick for village life even whilst they still live in Thailand , i have been told it is because village life is so 'easy'.There seems to be more to this problem than is being presented by the OP . Whilst my wife was in hospital having subsequent children , i stayed at home to 'Play mom' i quite enjoyed the freedom from my usual working life , i even offered to do it every day if my wife wanted or needed to release the apron strings .

I have said it before and I'll say it again, "I LOVE TV!" This thread is like most others. Someone in need asks for advise then about 40% of those who respond try to show how smart and clever they are by putting down the OP and chastising him for mistakes already made. The only thing missing from this thread is the inevitable anti-American rant.

Here we have the marriage counselors and para-professionals giving relationship advise all over the place. Most are attempting to justify the behavior of Thai women who operate outside the box when it comes to parenting. Just hand off that first child who in effect drives them into prostitution back to the drunk Thai guy that she fell in love with when she was 14. Village and city girls will pass on the “dream” to anyone that will listen to keep the legend alive. We all know it by now. If you play your cards right you will find that certain western man who will love you , provide for you and maybe if you lucky take you to someplace where the streets are paved with gold and Thai restaurants.

Like President Bush, you need an exit strategy. Of course the main victim here will be the child who is causing all this consternation in the first place. Any monies designated for the child, his education and well being will end up in the hands of the woman’s family to be equally distributed like dividends to shareholders. If the woman chooses to stay in the UK this divorce and subsequent living hel_l will just be another traditional broken home and all of the emotion and expense that it will entail. If you send the boy and his mother back to her roots with the money from the divorce settlement it is party time for the family and the most you can hope for the son is that he is a good boy and stays out of jail. You may seriously consider placing a permanent ID bracelet in the child so you and your friends will recognize your future street worker to avoid awkward encounters the future.

Personally, I lean towards a onetime payoff and tickets back to the Land of Smiles. This will not be the end of the world for the OP but it will take time to sort out. He needs to sit back and breathe. The stress generated by the situation may feel debilitating at times but it will pass. The woman learned in Hooker 101 that she has hit their version of the lottery. She may be in the driver’s seat for a time but that will pass and life will go on. Do not make hasty decisions, do not become violent and do not make the situation worse that it already seems. TIT.

[shunima]

farang555

can you please stop to flood this topic with your st***d rants. Maybe the guy isn't the brightest leaf on the tree and maybe he had bad luck with the women he fell in love with but there's no point in it for you sitting bitter at home and prducing stupid sentences how dumb farang men and how irresponsible thai woman are. (or is this the experience you got from countless bar visits where you drown your own sad life). See, it isn't nice to write that about you without knowing you. Here's somebody asking for advise, so please give what was asked for.

No personal feelings eh?

[mommysboy]

First of all a bit of backgroud; my wife has been in england for 5 years, we married here and have one child born here, and she has an indefinate stay visa.

We are currently going through a rocky period, since we had the baby she has struggled to take care of him and always states how difficult it is. She has a daughter in thailand who is 12 years old, but stays with her ex. She says she is bored and would like to go back to thailand, so basically she can give the child to her parents to take care of and have an easy life with no responsibilities.

I have heard her mutter the word divorce when talking with her friends, if it came to a divorce would she be entitled to my estate, even though I have sponsored/supported her for the last 5 years? If she went home without a divorce could i cancel her visa?

Thanks in advance

get her the hel_l out of England if you can.

with luck she just wants to whoop it up in Thailand but she can take you to the cleaners in UK and she will be surrounded with plenty of people who will show her how.

She is entitled to half of your estate yes.

is she an ex whore?