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[dingdongrb]

despite the jokes- the UK is still the number 1 power, the world is essentialy still under it in so many ways, but they,re very good at it-its USA,s little older grandpa

it will never sink because its attached itself to too much

Quick....wake up..wake up.... This is the 21st century.

[roygsd]

I see many reasons why this would not work but I will quickly only point out two:

1) We have a saying in the USA about our guns: “I will not give up my gun until you can pry my cold dead fingers away from it.”

(Then again we shoot a lot better than you Brits do, isn’t that what won our freedom in the first place?)

[/size][/font]

Sorry Dingdong, but it wasnt the dissatified colonialists who won the war of Independence, it was the lunatic german sitting on the throne of England at the time that took the decision that the USA was worth keeping.

As for the Bull...t about " " I will not give up my gun until until you can pry it from my dead fingers", well that sounds like a nice line from a John Wayne film, but Waynes films were fiction, just like the man himself.

I can well understand why a Guy with a girls name would want to change his name to a masculine name like John Wayne and present himself as a tough guy and Hero, what I dont understand is why this man with a girls name who never ever seved even one day in the armed forces of his country is regarded as the ultimate hero and patriot by millions of citizens across the USA.

For me you can keep your independence, unfortunately the term "land of the free" is nothing but a catchy logo these days,

apparently the USA government has stated that there are 15 milllion illlegal immigrants within it borders at this time, as the USA cannot maintain its own borders it is rediculious for it to act as the worlds policemen.

Like many I supported the original reasons given for intervening in Iraq right up until the USA and the uk ( where I live) resored to kidnapping people from their homeland and taking them to countries around the world where they have been held and tortured without trial for years, Land of the Free ? Utter <deleted>.

America was once respected as a world leader, unfortunately it has become little more than a massive PR company, driven by greed and political spin rather than the old fashioned values it was founded upon.

Bush Junior is not a patch on his father who was a fine statesman, i fit wasnt for his father's achievements I doubt the son could have ever got into politics much less to the very top.

Sad to say I dont know that the two current contenders are going to be much of an improvement, neither seem to have managed to come across with any policies of note, the sadest part of this coming election s that race appears to be the major issue rather than fought on the best policies, I am grateful that Mrs Clinton didnt get the ticket though.

I am not anti american, or anti any other country for that matter, but I am critical of the leaders of quite a few Countries

incuding my own.

When leaders stop leading by example then the world is a much poorer place.

Roy gsd

[sgunn65]

I have just been visited by two very nice gentlemen from the US Embassy who have asked me to write this post explaining (slowly) to all American readers that this is not policy and has not been started. In fact they said it was only at the consultation stage.

They also told me to tell you that you can continue telling everyone you won the war, that your spelling is acceptable and that tomato is in fact pronounced to-mate-oh. Leicester is Ly -chester as well it seems.

Furthermore they also warned me that if I mentioned that the Bin Ladens invested in Dubya's Oil company that went bust just before the s**t hit the fan globally and that Iraq is nothing more than a dispute about oil leases then I would be having a holiday in the south of Cuba. Having been to Cuba I don't need to go again so I would like to apogogise profusely (thats alot Chuck) for any hurt I have caused to any of you wonderful people in the good old US of A.

On a personal note thank you for saving us in 1918 and 1945, thank you for stopping the spread of evil communism in SE Asia and especially thank you for saving us from fruit vendors and beach bums in Grenada.

I still want to know who killed JFK though!!!

[Shotime]

It wasn't the Duke that said that. In any case, you're skating on thin ice when you start bad-mouthing The Duke. It was Charleton Heston, I think. He was speaking before the gun advocate association. Other than that, he was, apparently, a pretty righteous dude.

I don't understand why the Mother country would want us bastard children back anyway.

JFK is alive and doing quite well in Pattaya.

[percy2]

I see many reasons why this would not work but I will quickly only point out two:

1) We have a saying in the USA about our guns: “I will not give up my gun until you can pry my cold dead fingers away from it.”

(Then again we shoot a lot better than you Brits do, isn’t that what won our freedom in the first place?)

[/size][/font]

Sorry Dingdong, but it wasnt the dissatified colonialists who won the war of Independence, it was the lunatic german sitting on the throne of England at the time that took the decision that the USA was worth keeping.

As for the Bull...t about " " I will not give up my gun until until you can pry it from my dead fingers", well that sounds like a nice line from a John Wayne film, but Waynes films were fiction, just like the man himself.

I can well understand why a Guy with a girls name would want to change his name to a masculine name like John Wayne and present himself as a tough guy and Hero, what I dont understand is why this man with a girls name who never ever seved even one day in the armed forces of his country is regarded as the ultimate hero and patriot by millions of citizens across the USA.

For me you can keep your independence, unfortunately the term "land of the free" is nothing but a catchy logo these days,

apparently the USA government has stated that there are 15 milllion illlegal immigrants within it borders at this time, as the USA cannot maintain its own borders it is rediculious for it to act as the worlds policemen.

Like many I supported the original reasons given for intervening in Iraq right up until the USA and the uk ( where I live) resored to kidnapping people from their homeland and taking them to countries around the world where they have been held and tortured without trial for years, Land of the Free ? Utter <deleted>.

America was once respected as a world leader, unfortunately it has become little more than a massive PR company, driven by greed and political spin rather than the old fashioned values it was founded upon.

Bush Junior is not a patch on his father who was a fine statesman, i fit wasnt for his father's achievements I doubt the son could have ever got into politics much less to the very top.

Sad to say I dont know that the two current contenders are going to be much of an improvement, neither seem to have managed to come across with any policies of note, the sadest part of this coming election s that race appears to be the major issue rather than fought on the best policies, I am grateful that Mrs Clinton didnt get the ticket though.

I am not anti american, or anti any other country for that matter, but I am critical of the leaders of quite a few Countries

incuding my own.

When leaders stop leading by example then the world is a much poorer place.

Roy gsd

Hey lighten up, this is for jokes and humorous postings , not serious political debate.

Cheers

[dingdongrb]

I see many reasons why this would not work but I will quickly only point out two:

1) We have a saying in the USA about our guns: "I will not give up my gun until you can pry my cold dead fingers away from it."

(Then again we shoot a lot better than you Brits do, isn't that what won our freedom in the first place?)

[/size][/font]

Sorry Dingdong, but it wasnt the dissatified colonialists who won the war of Independence, it was the lunatic german sitting on the throne of England at the time that took the decision that the USA was worth keeping.

As for the Bull...t about " " I will not give up my gun until until you can pry it from my dead fingers", well that sounds like a nice line from a John Wayne film, but Waynes films were fiction, just like the man himself.

I can well understand why a Guy with a girls name would want to change his name to a masculine name like John Wayne and present himself as a tough guy and Hero, what I dont understand is why this man with a girls name who never ever seved even one day in the armed forces of his country is regarded as the ultimate hero and patriot by millions of citizens across the USA.

For me you can keep your independence, unfortunately the term "land of the free" is nothing but a catchy logo these days,

apparently the USA government has stated that there are 15 milllion illlegal immigrants within it borders at this time, as the USA cannot maintain its own borders it is rediculious for it to act as the worlds policemen.

Like many I supported the original reasons given for intervening in Iraq right up until the USA and the uk ( where I live) resored to kidnapping people from their homeland and taking them to countries around the world where they have been held and tortured without trial for years, Land of the Free ? Utter <deleted>.

America was once respected as a world leader, unfortunately it has become little more than a massive PR company, driven by greed and political spin rather than the old fashioned values it was founded upon.

Bush Junior is not a patch on his father who was a fine statesman, i fit wasnt for his father's achievements I doubt the son could have ever got into politics much less to the very top.

Sad to say I dont know that the two current contenders are going to be much of an improvement, neither seem to have managed to come across with any policies of note, the sadest part of this coming election s that race appears to be the major issue rather than fought on the best policies, I am grateful that Mrs Clinton didnt get the ticket though.

I am not anti american, or anti any other country for that matter, but I am critical of the leaders of quite a few Countries

incuding my own.

When leaders stop leading by example then the world is a much poorer place.

Roy gsd

Hey lighten up, this is for jokes and humorous postings , not serious political debate.

Cheers

It's not political debate; it's merely learning history the correct way, truthfully....

[dingdongrb]

Sorry Dingdong, but it wasnt the dissatified colonialists who won the war of Independence, it was the lunatic german sitting on the throne of England at the time that took the decision that the USA was worth keeping.

As for the Bull...t about " " I will not give up my gun until until you can pry it from my dead fingers", well that sounds like a nice line from a John Wayne film, but Waynes films were fiction, just like the man himself.

I can well understand why a Guy with a girls name would want to change his name to a masculine name like John Wayne and present himself as a tough guy and Hero, what I dont understand is why this man with a girls name who never ever seved even one day in the armed forces of his country is regarded as the ultimate hero and patriot by millions of citizens across the USA.

For me you can keep your independence, unfortunately the term "land of the free" is nothing but a catchy logo these days,

apparently the USA government has stated that there are 15 milllion illlegal immigrants within it borders at this time, as the USA cannot maintain its own borders it is rediculious for it to act as the worlds policemen.

Like many I supported the original reasons given for intervening in Iraq right up until the USA and the uk ( where I live) resored to kidnapping people from their homeland and taking them to countries around the world where they have been held and tortured without trial for years, Land of the Free ? Utter <deleted>.

America was once respected as a world leader, unfortunately it has become little more than a massive PR company, driven by greed and political spin rather than the old fashioned values it was founded upon.

Bush Junior is not a patch on his father who was a fine statesman, i fit wasnt for his father's achievements I doubt the son could have ever got into politics much less to the very top.

Sad to say I dont know that the two current contenders are going to be much of an improvement, neither seem to have managed to come across with any policies of note, the sadest part of this coming election s that race appears to be the major issue rather than fought on the best policies, I am grateful that Mrs Clinton didnt get the ticket though.

I am not anti american, or anti any other country for that matter, but I am critical of the leaders of quite a few Countries

incuding my own.

When leaders stop leading by example then the world is a much poorer place.

Roy gsd

It’s good to see that the history books you all were taught from provided information that makes you think that the colonies, the French, and the Spanish did not whip your <deleted> and send you running home. The only thing I recall from my history lessons regarding the Revolutionary War and the Germans were that you British bought German military (mercenaries) to reinforce the British army. Maybe that was due to the high number of British deserters??

I’m happy to see that John Wayne and American Hollywood have provided you lots of entertainment. I should have guessed that the likes of watching Benny Hill, Mr Bean, and an occasional Monte Python show gets a little boring. But why bring ‘The Duke’ into this USA bashing? I’m sure you can probably name many more since the American stars and actors get much more notoriety than the British ones do. But I have to give the UK credit when it comes to music, that is with the exception of some such as Elton ‘thong’ John and George ‘whams himself’ Michael. And then there’s that great pop band called the Spice Girls….

You talk about the USA and our problems with the illegal immigrants but you fail to mention the problems with ‘legal’ immigrants that your own country has. Or is it another one of those ‘hush hush’ things that you Brits don’t like discussing? Perhaps the USA’s illegal immigrant problem is much bigger than the UK’s due to a few reasons, one being that we are a much larger country with more area to control and being land-locked in many areas where the UK does not have this problem. Speaking of problems, what about the past conflicts with Northern Ireland? My history tells me that they were (and in some cases still) not fond of being controlled by the UK.

May I ask where in my posts I have stated that I support Bush? I’m sorry I can’t really see that so would you please remind me and point that out? If seems that everyone that bashes the USA tends to jump on the president in charge at the time. I am sure Mr Brown is doing such a fine job in your country and pleasing everyone?? I see that his popularity among your ‘homies’ are not that grand either. And speaking of detaining (kidnapping in your terms) people from their homelands and escorting them into confinement around the world, I commend you on knowing the policies passed by your government as well.

Good day….

[ourmaninbangers]

despite the jokes- the UK is still the number 1 power, the world is essentialy still under it in so many ways, but they,re very good at it-its USA,s little older grandpa

it will never sink because its attached itself to too much

Quick....wake up..wake up.... This is the 21st century.

hi

I,am awake alright- the USA, UK, and some euro nations, and its people seem to be able to do exactly what they want/ when they want, how they want, whenever they want

they control so many vital industrys- such as arms, thus, control the world.

What USA/UK wants- it will and has got.Period.

I admire the covert way they,ve acheived this. Almost.

I know some people do not like to know they,re controled, but this seem to me to be the case. Do you see my point?

The illusion of independance is just that- they pull almost all of the strings.

I once attended a lecture, it was about how much more the UK makes after the so called decoloniseation ( sorry , spelt wrong I know) and how they do so in cahots with the US.

Yes, its the 21st century and the superpowers are more in control than ever before. And these are mainly the US/UK.

please do not think I like or support this

[ourmaninbangers]

I see many reasons why this would not work but I will quickly only point out two:

1) We have a saying in the USA about our guns: "I will not give up my gun until you can pry my cold dead fingers away from it."

(Then again we shoot a lot better than you Brits do, isn't that what won our freedom in the first place?)

[/size][/font]

Sorry Dingdong, but it wasnt the dissatified colonialists who won the war of Independence, it was the lunatic german sitting on the throne of England at the time that took the decision that the USA was worth keeping.

As for the Bull...t about " " I will not give up my gun until until you can pry it from my dead fingers", well that sounds like a nice line from a John Wayne film, but Waynes films were fiction, just like the man himself.

I can well understand why a Guy with a girls name would want to change his name to a masculine name like John Wayne and present himself as a tough guy and Hero, what I dont understand is why this man with a girls name who never ever seved even one day in the armed forces of his country is regarded as the ultimate hero and patriot by millions of citizens across the USA.

For me you can keep your independence, unfortunately the term "land of the free" is nothing but a catchy logo these days,

apparently the USA government has stated that there are 15 milllion illlegal immigrants within it borders at this time, as the USA cannot maintain its own borders it is rediculious for it to act as the worlds policemen.

Like many I supported the original reasons given for intervening in Iraq right up until the USA and the uk ( where I live) resored to kidnapping people from their homeland and taking them to countries around the world where they have been held and tortured without trial for years, Land of the Free ? Utter <deleted>.

America was once respected as a world leader, unfortunately it has become little more than a massive PR company, driven by greed and political spin rather than the old fashioned values it was founded upon.

Bush Junior is not a patch on his father who was a fine statesman, i fit wasnt for his father's achievements I doubt the son could have ever got into politics much less to the very top.

Sad to say I dont know that the two current contenders are going to be much of an improvement, neither seem to have managed to come across with any policies of note, the sadest part of this coming election s that race appears to be the major issue rather than fought on the best policies, I am grateful that Mrs Clinton didnt get the ticket though.

I am not anti american, or anti any other country for that matter, but I am critical of the leaders of quite a few Countries

incuding my own.

When leaders stop leading by example then the world is a much poorer place.

Roy gsd

Hey lighten up, this is for jokes and humorous postings , not serious political debate.

Cheers

americans won nothing...the americans never defeated the british- another lie, there was,nt even american as it is know now back then

its was british, or more accurately englishman pitted against englishman, the ones who were fed up paying too many taxes. It was,nt blacks, or spanish

it was smith vs jones, brother vs brother, mostly of UK origin

ever notice the family names of most US presidents... not exactly chief running bear

that why the UK still looks upon the US as its own- I can see the logic

This is another one of those false pride claims.

I,d like someone who has checked this to tell me if what I,ve been taught is correct

Real americans are the poor indians who the modern americans almost wiped out.Mind you it was the brits who started scalping ( in order to reward the locals by proving they,d killed one person)

And about shooting better than the brits- is that why USA military commanders always use the british SF when they know they need to get a job done?

I suppose its all the practice the yanks get in that make then so good, like the fact that 6,000 rounds were used to kill one vietnamese on average- by the way, did,nt they have their ass kicked during that?

Theres been 32 communist world wars, the only 2 won were by the brits who used hearts and minds, no aim and shoot

[dingdongrb]

americans won nothing...the americans never defeated the british- another lie, there was,nt even american as it is know now back then

its was british, or more accurately englishman pitted against englishman, the ones who were fed up paying too many taxes. It was,nt blacks, or spanish dam_n Bangers if you really want to be techincial about it, it was homo sapiens versus homo sapiens. You know very well that I was referring to 'Americans' as those that settled in America to make it their home after fleeing England. And those born from those settlers, not the native American Indians.

it was smith vs jones, brother vs brother, mostly of UK origin

ever notice the family names of most US presidents... not exactly chief running bear....and not exactly all from English descent.

that why the UK still looks upon the US as its own- I can see the logic ....look and dream all you want but it ain't happening

This is another one of those false pride claims.

I,d like someone who has checked this to tell me if what I,ve been taught is correct ...You have been taught what your country has wanted to teach you, exactly as I have. But let me ask this: Does the UK control and rule us today?

Real americans are the poor indians who the modern americans almost wiped out.Mind you it was the brits who started scalping ( in order to reward the locals by proving they,d killed one person)...What exactly is your definition of "modern"? I consider today as being the 'modern' era whereas 200 years ago it was the beginning of American civilization. And yes, the native American Indians were killed by both the British as well as the immigrants settling in America during those times. And yes, probably still today the native American Indians are being controlled by our government. But not to my liking.

And about shooting better than the brits- is that why USA military commanders always use the british SF when they know they need to get a job done? Please enlighten me on what the 'SF' is as when I Google 'British SF' mostly I get 'Science Fiction' and I would almost bet that we don't buy science fiction from the UK to fight with. By the way, please tell me that the UK military doesn't exactly use any USA manufactured or designed weaponry.

I suppose its all the practice the yanks get in that make then so good, like the fact that 6,000 rounds were used to kill one vietnamese on average- by the way, did,nt they have their ass kicked during that? And its not like the British have won every war they were in. In war there are really no winners. But tell me about some of the wars the Brits have lost, I would like to hear what they really teach you in the classrooms over there. 6,000 rounds per 1 kill, I wouldn't really know but who was counting, a Brit?

Theres been 32 communist world wars, the only 2 won were by the brits who used hearts and minds, no aim and shoot Please enlighten me as to where you can truthfully obtain the number '32', is this something they teach you in the English schools. And how many wars have the British been in, as well as how many were lost? Perfect record? Hmmmmmm

[rott]

Brilliant. A cracking post sgunn65, sadly some septics are a bit thin skinned and lack a sense of humour.

Forgot to ask, what's with all this pro-South African stuff? Lived with the gits for 10 years, the above applies.

Edited August 21, 2008 by rott

[Jimjim]

Regarding the Hollywood issue, actually a lot of big Hollywood hero actors these days are British. Just like some Japanese were upset the big stars portraying Japanese people were actually Chinese in Memoirs of a Geisha and I've heard British complain about the same with Americans portraying British characters, the same is happening with British actors portraying American characters. And it's not a bad thing in my view, most of them do a good job with the accent. And even those who don't change the accent, like Statham, are being portrayed as heros. So, who cares? Hugh Laurie, Jude Law, etc. have done American accents well and are heroes; Laurie on his TV show, and Law in many movies (although his attempt at a Southern accent in one movie sucked. That's ok as different regional accents are not easy -- i.e. Kevin Costner's laughable attempt at a New England accent in 13 Days).

Anyway, I'm just glad Brits aren't obsessed with America anymore. I never hear anyone call us "Yanks" or refer to our country as "the colonies."

[sgunn65]

You to get up to date with slang JimJim!!!! Septics are what we call you now. Septic Tank = Yank.

[OxfordWill]

Classic Cleese

[dingdongrb]

You to get up to date with slang JimJim!!!! Septics are what we call you now. Septic Tank = Yank.

...and what's in a setpic tank is what we call you Brits = turds

[rott]

You to get up to date with slang JimJim!!!! Septics are what we call you now. Septic Tank = Yank.

...and what's in a setpic tank is what we call you Brits = turds

Well that was a deep, thoughtful, incisive and ironic riposte, brimming with humour.

Have you never heard of the concept of rhyming slang? But then it was you who thought we were at war with Northern Ireland.

[percy2]

Well that was a deep, thoughtful, incisive and ironic riposte, brimming with humour.

Have you never heard of the concept of rhyming slang? But then it was you who thought we were at war with Northern Ireland.

When you say brimming I guess you mean he's full of it.

Cheers

[dingdongrb]

You to get up to date with slang JimJim!!!! Septics are what we call you now. Septic Tank = Yank.

...and what's in a setpic tank is what we call you Brits = turds

Well that was a deep, thoughtful, incisive and ironic riposte, brimming with humour.

Have you never heard of the concept of rhyming slang? But then it was you who thought we were at war with Northern Ireland.

I guess since you enjoy talking so much you enjoy putting words into the mouths of others as well. Where did I mention ‘war’ with Northern Ireland, please show me. I actually stated ‘conflicts’. But then again I guess they didn’t teach you true history while in school, just as in the case of the Revolutionary war. Now I wonder were the conflicts with Northern Ireland caused by civil disagreements or religion. Or perhaps just my imagination.

Rhyming slang? Hmmmmm……. I was trying to be more polite, but I guess I could have said:

Brit = Chit

But ‘turd’ is much more polite..

[rott]

(1) We have never had a war or conflict WITH Northern Ireland, a minority are not happy, the overwhelming majority wish to remain part of the United Kingdom.

(2)The difference between the 2 sides is identity/nationality, - are you British or Irish. They are essentially different religions, but the violence is/was not over the 'real presence' in the mass or the efficacy of indulgences.

(3)I enjoy talking so much?? I think you have the greater word count.

(4) Rhyming slang. If you wanted to join in the spirit of the thing you could have tried Richard the Thirds.

I think I know more about the history of Northern Ireland than you ever will.

Also it's not pronounced EYE-rack it's irack.

pip pip

[garro]

(1) We have never had a war or conflict WITH Northern Ireland, a minority are not happy, the overwhelming majority wish to remain part of the United Kingdom.

(2)The difference between the 2 sides is identity/nationality, - are you British or Irish. They are essentially different religions, but the violence is/was not over the 'real presence' in the mass or the efficacy of indulgences.

(3)I enjoy talking so much?? I think you have the greater word count.

(4) Rhyming slang. If you wanted to join in the spirit of the thing you could have tried Richard the Thirds.

I think I know more about the history of Northern Ireland than you ever will.

Also it's not pronounced EYE-rack it's irack.

pip pip

While I see Irish nationalism as having caused too much suffering (so that it no longer deserves any respect), your explanation is far too simplistic. The truth is that those wishing to leave the UK are a very large minority and growing every year. It is only a matter of time before they are the majority. It also needs to be remembered that Northern Ireland was a political attempt at gerrymandering to invent an area where the British could hold some control. After all Donegal is very much a part of Northern Ireland but not part of the UK. I don't think that the question is if NI will rejoin the South, but rather when it will happen and if the South will still want such an agreement. The South of Ireland now has a very high standard of living and the worry would be that this would be forfeit if they needed to incorporate the North. I personally see no real benefit in such a union. I think that the Good Friday agreement has already answered much of the problems and now is the time to put all the hatred to bed.

I hope that the next generation will no longer hold onto their blind nationalism and their own limited view of history. As it stands the truth about their past is not flattering for either the Republicans nor the Loyalists.

Edited August 21, 2008 by garro

[sgunn65]

Aaah Septic's getting involved in Northern Ireland once again!! Please stay away, you can have Paddy's Day and Green Guiness and we will throw in all the leprechauns you can eat!!!

Our little contretemp with the IRA went on for a lot longer than it needed to thanks to the efforts of the USA and their romantic notion of home. The days of "Give a dollar kill a British Soldier" soon went out of the window when you realised terrorism is not quite the romantic ideal you thought it was. After 9/11 the Septic's couldn't wash their hands quick enough and the dollars dried up, forcing the IRA to the negotiating table.

I am all for giving Ireland back to the Irish but the Irish don't want NI. And as a previous poster clearly stated the majority want to remain part of the Union. The idea that the large minority is growing is niaive. Due to religion the majority will always remain a majority unless the birth rate dramatically rises in the Catholics and the Protestants stop having children. Even then it is 4-5 generations away.

It would be a lovely thing if the hatred went away but 300 years of emnity will take time. In the meantime NI is getting on with rebuilding and dealing withthose lovely cuddly freedom fighters who now control organised crime in the North.

But remember where this thread is! Farang Fun!! We don't hate the Septic's in fact most Brit's really like them (your politicians excluded). hel_l we fight in every war you start. So come on Garro sing along with me, "Always look on the bright side of life"!!! As Winston said of the US and GB, " One nation seperated by a common language".

[rott]

Garro, just to clarify a few points:-

1)'Simplistic'?, perhaps simplified would be more to the point as I was replying to somebody who has no real understanding of a very complex situation. The last time I was in the USA the mainstream press was treating press releases from PIRA/Sinn Fein as objective political comment, rather than bigoted sectarian <deleted>, so I understand his lack of knowledge.

2)Gerrymandering? If Donegal was part of N.I. I think the word would be justified, otherwise simplistic comes to mind.

3)I thought previously Eire didn't have enough money for Ulster, now they have too much.

Obviously we could go on forever, it's strange that something I thought started as a genuinely humorous and obvious parody/spoof, engendered such nasty responses and turned into a brief debate on Ireland. Garro I will never agree with your sentiments but do recognise an intelligent (and non-abusive) response.

[IMA_FARANG]

The British Media has just released this press release from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office to the US Government.

> 'In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

>

> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

>

> Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

>

> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

>

> 1. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium and nuclear, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing them.

>

> 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').

>

> 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

>

> 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

>

> 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

>

> 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

>

> 7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

>

> 8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) Ât roughly $11/US gallon. Get used to it.

>

> 9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

>

> 10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

>

> 11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Jonny Depp attempt English dialogue in From hel_l was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

>

> 12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). In the meantime don't try rugby, the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

>

> 13. Further, you will stop playing baseball (real name Rounders). It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game that is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

>

> 14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

>

> 15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

>

> 16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes, plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

>

> GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!'

It seems that some Americans were thinking of joining the U.K. but apparently they were not able to qualify due to the folowing problems:

1. They drank their beer cold not warm.

2. They insisted on having their Bacon cooked not half raw. (as I was once served in London)

3. They didn't know what a Zed was.

4. No matter how often it was expalined they coudn't see the purpose of cricket.

5. They insisted on driving on the right hand side of the rosd. (and, by the way, what is a carriageway anyhow?)

6. But most importantly, it was discovered that their mother and father were actually married to each other legally at the time they were born. (work it out, you'll get it)

Love you too, mate

[percy2]

it's strange that something I thought started as a genuinely humorous and obvious parody/spoof, engendered such nasty responses

It seems some people have no sense of humour.

Cheers

[onnut]

1) We have a saying in the USA about our guns: "I will not give up my gun until you can pry my cold dead fingers away from it." (Then again we shoot a lot better than you Brits do, isn't that what won our freedom in the first place?)

we know. you lot have shot enough of us. so called friendly fire

[onnut]

wasnt the Duke Gay? in real life!