How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?

[duchovny]

"How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?"

It's easy mate, just have the readily available cash.

The Thais are a very nationalistic people. They look down on any other nation and would rather marry a Thai. It's only the Bg's, the very poor and other social outcasts that marry a non-Thai.

You sound like you have a few bucks, so you'll be OK. She'll put on a nice facade for a few years and it seem like bliss.

Not sure what will happen after a few years though.

Oh, and if the money runs out, so will she.

[mizzi39]

If she a country girl i would run!

You have a reason for saying this????

Thats a nasty slur on country girls,in fact your mouth is nasty.

I guess we on TV get used to the stupid ignorant slurs, coming from stupid, ignorant people.

OP, as others have stated here, treat this relationship like you would any other. The most important thing is to be a good judge of character no matter who you decide to share your life with.

[rockyysdt]

I know I have tried to "change" my man - well not much anyway, but only to a degree such as putting down the lid, on CERTAIN things that I feel "too out of whack". I know a man won't change unless he wants to and I'm ok with that, for most things.

But a lot of people takes on a partner that isn't their perfect ideal to begin with and try to make him/her into something else and that's just "may be arrogance" on their part and a recipe for disastrous relationship. Women can be very rigid about changing themselves but it all boils down to HER priority. If she thinks of YOU as her first priority, and wants the relationship to work, then she will understand that some adjustments will need to be made, and VICE VERSA for a man side also.

I think the key here is to take the time to understand very well about your partner personality and perspective on the issues that important to you, before committing too quickly into a marriage in which you will pay the high price later.

Just me

Thanks teacup.

Don't get me wrong.

When I say change her, I don't mean to force her to abandon her family.

During a family crisis naturally it's only human nature to help out.

On the other hand if one is selflessly channelling their entire income and energy without enquiring where funds are going, then it's important such a person learn what is driving them psychologically.

For example, would it be unfair to help her become aware that she might be sponsoring her fathers large drinking and gambling habit.

There is absolutely no sign of any investment on farm tools and equipment or improvements to the home.

I wouyld never try to make anyone change for me.

On the other hand empowering someone to address their lifes problems is worthwhile pursuing.

Edited September 4, 2008 by rockyysdt

[bonobo]

"How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?"

It's easy mate, just have the readily available cash.

The Thais are a very nationalistic people. They look down on any other nation and would rather marry a Thai. It's only the Bg's, the very poor and other social outcasts that marry a non-Thai.

You sound like you have a few bucks, so you'll be OK. She'll put on a nice facade for a few years and it seem like bliss.

Not sure what will happen after a few years though.

Oh, and if the money runs out, so will she.

So that is why the princess married an American? Which category did she fall under? Not poor, certainly, and not a social outcast.

Circumstances have put me in a situation where most of my friends and aquaintences are so-called hiso. All are university educated, and many received advanced degrees from the US or the UK. And some have married farangs or other foreigners (Korean or Japanese, specifically).

To blanket all Thais who marry foreigners as bg's or the poor seems rather myopic to me.

[AmeriThai]

When I say change her, I don't mean to force her to abandon her family.

During a family crisis naturally it's only human nature to help out.

On the other hand if one is selflessly channelling their entire income and energy without enquiring where funds are going, then it's important such a person learn what is driving them psychologically.

For example, would it be unfair to help her become aware that she might be sponsoring her fathers large drinking and gambling habit.

There is absolutely no sign of any investment on farm tools and equipment or improvements to the home.

I wouyld never try to make anyone change for me.

On the other hand empowering someone to address their lifes problems is worthwhile pursuing.

While it's a noble thought, you're still trying to rescue and change her, but justifying it with words like "empowering". You stated:

Unfortunately my girlfriend is far too dutiful and extensively used by her family.

Something I'm trying to teach her to overcome.

In my opinion, if you have to go to such lengths for a relationship at the start, then the relationship is already on weak ground. You also have to take into account that despite all your well-meant efforts and intentions, she may never change and continue doing things as she always has. Then where does that leave you? The family bond is far greater than you might realize.

[mmushr00m]

This was what the wife and I did

I came over for a couple of months and lived normally. Normally as in like I was living in LOS, no 4-5* hotels, no resorts, no spending $$$ like it grew on trees. She went to work in the day and came home in the evening while I just did the normal everyday stuff on a Thai budget.

It will show you if (1) you can adapt to living here (2) you can actually stand each other in a real life situation as opposed to vacation.(3) How badly it sucks to be on a thai budget 24/7/365.

As to the other suggestions about taking her home, my wife did move to Canuckland for 6months. Loved it there but getting a job like she had in BKK was difficult. I felt bad for her giving up her career in BKK to work as a waitress in a shitty Howard Johnsons in Canada so we decided to move to back to LOS. Alot of anguish over that as I gave up alot of $$ and being the "golden boy" at my company.

Again planning and setting drop dead dates are important. We are giving ourselves 3yrs in BKK after which we will evaluate our situation. If it is as good or better then home, we will stay longer. If not then we will move back to Canada.

I have been here almost 2yrs now. We own our own place now but still not where I want to be financially or career wise. Just over 1 year to go then its D-day, stay or leave.

Have to admit it was alot more fun when it was "vacation" for wife and myself. But there are alot more positives then negatives

[bkkjames]

"How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?"

It's easy mate, just have the readily available cash.

The Thais are a very nationalistic people. They look down on any other nation and would rather marry a Thai. It's only the Bg's, the very poor and other social outcasts that marry a non-Thai.

You sound like you have a few bucks, so you'll be OK. She'll put on a nice facade for a few years and it seem like bliss.

Not sure what will happen after a few years though.

Oh, and if the money runs out, so will she.

So that is why the princess married an American? Which category did she fall under? Not poor, certainly, and not a social outcast.

Circumstances have put me in a situation where most of my friends and aquaintences are so-called hiso. All are university educated, and many received advanced degrees from the US or the UK. And some have married farangs or other foreigners (Korean or Japanese, specifically).

To blanket all Thais who marry foreigners as bg's or the poor seems rather myopic to me.

Let's see, my wife is a grad of chula and works fulltime in an office bg,, no

My best mate's wife went to tammasat and works for TG, bg no

Another friend is getting married on Friday to yet another grad from Mahidol; she runs her own company, bg no

I think David Duchovny should stick to the xfiles instead of making generalisations that are at the very root of why Thais think we are only here for one reason.

[teacup]

Let's see, my wife is a grad of chula and works fulltime in an office

Bkkjames, don't tell my you're just a househusband?

Ahh…......that explains how you have so much time to compose those lovey dovey poems for me

[sassienie]

Question: How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?

Answer: Stay out of trouble and keep spending the money.

[bkkjames]

Let's see, my wife is a grad of chula and works fulltime in an office

Bkkjames, don't tell my you're just a househusband?

Ahh…......that explains how you have so much time to compose those lovey dovey poems for me

what can i say, i am a kept man. my wife didn't marry me for my money or looks but my one redeaming (redreaming?) character is in fact cooking.

As I mentioned in another topic, keep your thai wife fed well and you will have a happy marriage. Don't tell her I just said that or I will have to get the parma ham and smoked salmon out again tonight just to keep her from hitting me.

[philo]

If she a country girl i would run!

You have a reason for saying this????

Thats a nasty slur on country girls,in fact your mouth is nasty.

Quite right, PostThai. And the best way to a successful relationship with anyone is less discussion and more action.

I suspect the reason he said that is because most 'farang' meet country girls in a bar. The nice ones don't go to, and certainly don't work in, bars!

Anyone who is lucky enough to meet a 'country girl' in a different situation is likely to find it VERY hard work to even get her to go out with him, but if he does then he is very lucky indeed.

I am sorry to not being able to agree with the last statement. I married a nurse (virgin) from a 'not very poor' country family. In time it has all gone sour because of her attitude towards money. The only reason I stay is because I have a child with her.

Love has gone to hatred - and the love for the child is now mixed with fear for being froozen out and having to pay astronomical sums just to stay in contact with the child.

There is only one imperative rule: USE TIME & RUN IF YOU GET THE TINYEST SUSPICION OF BEEING WATERBUFFALLOED ...

[teacup]

Let's see, my wife is a grad of chula and works fulltime in an office

Bkkjames, don't tell me you're just a househusband?

Ahh…......that explains how you have so much time to compose those lovey dovey poems for me

what can i say, i am a kept man. my wife didn't marry me for my money or looks but my one redeaming (redreaming?) character is in fact cooking.

As I mentioned in another topic, keep your thai wife fed well and you will have a happy marriage. Don't tell her I just said that or I will have to get the parma ham and smoked salmon out again tonight just to keep her from hitting me.

Wow you must be very good in COOKING that is

Ok I shall have to stop here, before we BURN this thread

no reply nec.

Edited September 4, 2008 by teacup

[bkkjames]

Let's see, my wife is a grad of chula and works fulltime in an office

Bkkjames, don't tell me you're just a househusband?

Ahh…......that explains how you have so much time to compose those lovey dovey poems for me

what can i say, i am a kept man. my wife didn't marry me for my money or looks but my one redeaming (redreaming?) character is in fact cooking.

As I mentioned in another topic, keep your thai wife fed well and you will have a happy marriage. Don't tell her I just said that or I will have to get the parma ham and smoked salmon out again tonight just to keep her from hitting me.

Wow you must be very good in COOKING that is

Ok I shall have to stop here, before we BURN this thread

no reply nec.

Cooking yes, desert?, more of a morning man myself.

[teacup]

I told U not to reply, before the MOD send us both to Vanatu

I don't want to go, do U?

Edited September 4, 2008 by teacup

[jalansanitwong]

What should you do? Start praying is a good suggestion then hire somebody to check your girlfriend out incase she has any thai husbands or boyfriends floating around. Most of them do but they never admit it until its too late ie.. her isan/lao husband threatens the farang because he cut back on the monthly ATM cash handout. Woops Think very carefully before marrying a Thai expecially if your over 50 years old.Most old farang guys end up bankrolling Thai men.Thats how it works here.You want sex they want money .Regardless of how you work it here you will always pay!!! You cant have your cake and eat it.Just ask the Kennedy's

[bkkjames]

I told U not to reply, before the MOD send us both to Vanatu

I don't want to go, do U?

I believe that discussing how I keep my wife happy is very much in keeping with this topic. To be yellow-carded again for being on-topic would be something I would not take very kindly too and would seriously look at not sending my annual new years cookies to the MODS.

[LooseCannon]

"How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?"

It's easy mate, just have the readily available cash.

The Thais are a very nationalistic people. They look down on any other nation and would rather marry a Thai. It's only the Bg's, the very poor and other social outcasts that marry a non-Thai.

You sound like you have a few bucks, so you'll be OK. She'll put on a nice facade for a few years and it seem like bliss.

Not sure what will happen after a few years though.

Oh, and if the money runs out, so will she.

This sort of opinion is usually held by the socially inept.

They have only ever had a string of failed 'relationships' with bargirls & this is all they know. They become increasingly bitter as they continue to be 'fleeced' time & again by these 'poor, social outcasts'. Their own inability to communicate with Thai women without handing over wads of cash leads them to the false belief that all Thai/farang relationships are the same as theirs.

There are of course many successful Thai/farang relationships, it's just that you don't hear too much about them on this website.

[learnthaipodcast]

Open communication works wonders in Thai - Farang relationships. Try to make her talk if she doesn't like something and both of you will have it way easier. Most other advice about visas and such was already posted so I won't repeat it.

[rockyysdt]

mmushr00m

You're a lucky man.

I tip my lid to you.

I wish you both success in the future.

[rockyysdt]

I have read this thread with interest and can understand where you are coming from. Regardless of who gives you advice it will be coming with any baggage that the respondent carries from his/her relationship experience in Thailand. There is no "one size fits all" solution to your problem. If you were to give an indication as to your age it may be easier to give you practical advice as to Visa options. Certainly if you were to marry your girl, there would be another visa option.

You're right Midas.

There are many causes for failed relationships including the stereotype reason, but we all have different backgrounds and circumstances.

It'd be interesting to read the other partners side of the story for some of the negative posts.

[rockyysdt]

While it's a noble thought, you're still trying to rescue and change her, but justifying it with words like "empowering". You stated:

Unfortunately my girlfriend is far too dutiful and extensively used by her family.

Something I'm trying to teach her to overcome.

In my opinion, if you have to go to such lengths for a relationship at the start, then the relationship is already on weak ground. You also have to take into account that despite all your well-meant efforts and intentions, she may never change and continue doing things as she always has. Then where does that leave you? The family bond is far greater than you might realize.

Hi Ameri Thai.

There maybe an element of trying to rescue and change her, as you put it, but this is not necessarily a bad thing depending on how it occurs.

Whilst living at close quarters with the family, I saw my girlfriend burst into tears a number of times due to the lack of love and acceptance she so yearns from her parents.

Her attempts to share her pain were ignored, her self absorbed parents didn't want to know.

They were content just to be bank rolled without any audit or explanation as to where the money goes.

It was quite clear to me what was happening.

She's been attempting to buy love and or acceptance by being a provider.

Life is all about continually growing and self awareness.

We help those we love to become more self aware and to grow.

It's up to them if they want to change.

Our relationship is not dependent on such change, but can be enriched by learning from each others experiences.

Don't you think?

[rockyysdt]

This sort of opinion is usually held by the socially inept.

They have only ever had a string of failed 'relationships' with bargirls & this is all they know. They become increasingly bitter as they continue to be 'fleeced' time & again by these 'poor, social outcasts'. Their own inability to communicate with Thai women without handing over wads of cash leads them to the false belief that all Thai/farang relationships are the same as theirs.

There are of course many successful Thai/farang relationships, it's just that you don't hear too much about them on this website.

I agree Loose Cannon

Those who are involved in failed relationships definitely do need counselling to learn from their break up.

If someone lacks self awareness they have no hope of correcting their flaws, let alone understand why they've been rejected.

[rockyysdt]

In time it has all gone sour because of her attitude towards money. The only reason I stay is because I have a child with her.

Love has gone to hatred - and the love for the child is now mixed with fear for being froozen out and having to pay astronomical sums just to stay in contact with the child.

There is only one imperative rule: USE TIME & RUN IF YOU GET THE TINYEST SUSPICION OF BEEING WATERBUFFALLOED ...

Sorry to hear Philo.

My girlfriend has had a tubal ligation and I've had a vasectomy.

Any children for us would be due to a miracle.

Out of interest, what do you mean by "her attitude towards money"?

[stephaniee]

no axe to grind here. just sounds you into a girl who needs a lot of cash. only way for her to get it is marry a farang. supporting a thai family gets old real fast.

your girl has kids too, ohh lord!

like the guy says go for the many middle class hi so girls who are at least your equal who want to marry a farang

[Nickthegreek]

"Daughters are an overhead on a rice farm".

What are you talking about??

My wifes family would never consider their daughter as an overhead..

They both worked on their farm to ensure that their children could have an education and both my wife and her brother in turn have done their best to support their family as and if required...

[peeglen]

What happened to the original poster? Lots of good advice and some questionable, but where's Jimmy? I want to learn how to retire at 37 (oops, too late for that).

[AmeriThai]

While it's a noble thought, you're still trying to rescue and change her, but justifying it with words like "empowering". You stated:

Unfortunately my girlfriend is far too dutiful and extensively used by her family.

Something I'm trying to teach her to overcome.

In my opinion, if you have to go to such lengths for a relationship at the start, then the relationship is already on weak ground. You also have to take into account that despite all your well-meant efforts and intentions, she may never change and continue doing things as she always has. Then where does that leave you? The family bond is far greater than you might realize.

Hi Ameri Thai.

There maybe an element of trying to rescue and change her, as you put it, but this is not necessarily a bad thing depending on how it occurs.

Whilst living at close quarters with the family, I saw my girlfriend burst into tears a number of times due to the lack of love and acceptance she so yearns from her parents.

Her attempts to share her pain were ignored, her self absorbed parents didn't want to know.

They were content just to be bank rolled without any audit or explanation as to where the money goes.

It was quite clear to me what was happening.

She's been attempting to buy love and or acceptance by being a provider.

Life is all about continually growing and self awareness.

We help those we love to become more self aware and to grow.

It's up to them if they want to change.

Our relationship is not dependent on such change, but can be enriched by learning from each others experiences.

Don't you think?

I agree, but only if it's based on a mutual 2-way interaction. It requires an equal amount of give and take on both sides. Anything less then I would have to disagree. It sounds like you view her more with pity about her unfortunate life. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not exactly the best way to base a relationship.

I think there are a couple of things in life that can easily be overlooked sometimes. There's the ideal, and then there's the real. What you're saying is idealistic, but not necessarily realistic. I'm not saying it can't work out, but it sounds, though unfortunate, that she already has a lot of emotional and financial baggage to deal with. The negative qualities have already been brought into the relationship by her personal problems. And her personal problems (or I should say family matters) seem to be your focal point and your perceived 'destiny' to bring her to an understanding of a better way to live. Is that the best way to establish a meaningful relationship?

If she is seen by her family as a source of income, where do you think that puts you in terms of the relationship as seen by her family? Like it or not, when you get the girl, you're also going to be getting her family in one way or another. If she's already providing for them now, she's probably going to continue providing for them later.

Relationships can be somewhat uncertain as it is, especially in the beginning. But add to that extra problems that are significant and it becomes even more complicated and uncertain. The other problem is that by trying to enrich her learning and awareness, that seems to suggest that she doesn't know and isn't aware, but you do, which puts both of you on unequal footing. You know the best way to live and she doesn't. You've made it sound as if she's continuously driven to tears by her family. That's not exactly how I would see a meaningful relationship. It sounds like a tremendous strain. What will you do if later on down the road it dawns on you that maybe her problems continue to be ongoing, regardless of your efforts? At some point it would become a major block in the relationship. Would you feel okay with that?

You've mentioned a number of things that sound like gigantic warning flags to me. Perhaps your own emotional involvement is obscuring common sense? You might want to step back for a while with a change of scenery. I'm not in any way saying that a poor rural girl can't be the perfect match for you. I'm just saying a bit more personal and emotional stability would reduce the risk of having it end up down the drain. Still, it's your life and you can do whatever you feel is best for yourself. And as they say, "It's up to you".

Best wishes in whatever you decide.

[teacup]

rockyysdt

I think you’re trying too hard to make it works, but you have to use the common sense as well, that in order for the relationship to work out in the long run she has to make an effort to meet you at the half point also. It takes two hands to clap, u know

Don't bend over yourself too much and all the time

Edited September 4, 2008 by teacup

[Klyph]

As a born-and-raised Thai girl, I'm going to try NOT to be offended by some of the comments above... In fact, I'm just going to pout for a few minutes...

Akay, done!

Success = Hard work, buddy. And, I have to tell you, neither Australia or 2 years is that far off for your average Thai girl. You'd be surprised how patient we can be (I... use the term very loosely, don't take my word for it!). Dangit, any gal could use a trip to Australia... and WITH an Aussie, now THAT'S fun!

[PaulaK]

"How Can A Farang Have A Successful Relationship With A Thai?"

It's easy mate, just have the readily available cash.

The Thais are a very nationalistic people. They look down on any other nation and would rather marry a Thai. It's only the Bg's, the very poor and other social outcasts that marry a non-Thai.

You sound like you have a few bucks, so you'll be OK. She'll put on a nice facade for a few years and it seem like bliss.

Not sure what will happen after a few years though.

Oh, and if the money runs out, so will she.

This sort of opinion is usually held by the socially inept.

They have only ever had a string of failed 'relationships' with bargirls & this is all they know. They become increasingly bitter as they continue to be 'fleeced' time & again by these 'poor, social outcasts'. Their own inability to communicate with Thai women without handing over wads of cash leads them to the false belief that all Thai/farang relationships are the same as theirs.

There are of course many successful Thai/farang relationships, it's just that you don't hear too much about them on this website.

Well heres a successful story

My mum (thai) and dad (english) have been married for 27 years now and im there lovely daughter whos 24 tight knitted family and ive got so much respect for them have taught me a lot esp not stereotype ppl from where they come from, these days ppl have so much bad perceptions of the thai women coz of all the media it makes me sick!! there are decent ppl out there its jus like in any country there are money grabbers and theres real decent people out there, if a person really loves you they will wait the dont say the sayin 4 nothing

Edited September 5, 2008 by PaulaK