13 Yr. Old Problem Child

[tweezer]

Hello All,

My long time girlfriend has a 13 year old son who lives with her mother and aunt in Bangkok. Now, he has effectively quit school and he is starting to drift away from home and family, not coming home for long periods and refusing to go to school, etc.

My question is if anyone knows of any program, special school, counselling, military-type school, etc that can help with this kid? He is on a bad path now, and his family has no idea how to motivate the kid to stay in school and put some effort into his own future. The family itself is weak, and doesn't have the structure or ability to turn the kid around.

Any advice at all on how to handle this sad situation is greatly appreciated... this boy is only 13 years old and he is blindly throwing his own life away by completely withdrawing from school and family so he can spend time with his equally young and misguided 'friends.' It's a sad and scary situation that no one around this kid has any idea how to fix.

Thanks in advance for any advice!!!

T.

[JohnC]

my initial reaction is why has he gone down this path? what triggered it of? new school? is he being bullied? can he not cope with the work maybe dyxlesic? hearing problem? Many things affect young people when they reach adolescence I note from your post their is no male influence in his family so he may just be confused about how his body is developing. A friendly male adult needs to try and get him alone and justy chat, mainly listen and see what comes out, a chat with the school is also top of the list to try and identify problems there. I could go on but thats enough to start with.

[Ijustwannateach]

^Good advice. Sadly, though, dysfunctional families will produce dysfunctional children, and there isn't an easy road to fixing the child until he becomes more mature or until the family itself gets its act together. In the meantime, if there are any distant relatives the child can stay with- and depend on- while he finishes school, it will displace him from the 'bad influences' and maybe give him no other choices for socialization except for school for awhile- where things might get back on the right track.

I agree, though, that it all hinges on the family members he stays with actually caring about what he's doing- to the point that they're willing to spend time preventing him from doing the things he shouldn't be doing.

"S"

[dumball]

^Good advice. Sadly, though, dysfunctional families will produce dysfunctional children, and there isn't an easy road to fixing the child until he becomes more mature or until the family itself gets its act together. In the meantime, if there are any distant relatives the child can stay with- and depend on- while he finishes school, it will displace him from the 'bad influences' and maybe give him no other choices for socialization except for school for awhile- where things might get back on the right track.

I agree, though, that it all hinges on the family members he stays with actually caring about what he's doing- to the point that they're willing to spend time preventing him from doing the things he shouldn't be doing.

"S"

Little old before anybody noticed a problem , good child rearing should start at 13 mon ths not 13 years of age , have noticed though that child rearing is not a good trait in Thailand , too much use of the stick or hand and not enough love or guidance , preferably by example .

[Sabum]

Are you completely serious?!?!?! I see the complete opposite, not enough smacking and too much letting them do whatever the hel_l they want to do without ever being told NO. and not being taught there are consequences to their actions and being held accountable for doing wrong things.

[stephaniee]

op stay out of it. unless u willin g to marry the mama. u have no standing in their family .

or buy him a motobike. seems thai respond when people buy them things.....lol.

[sassienie]

Cannot see the point of asking ThaiVisa members for advice, as it’s just a case of using common sense and looking at the facts.

The most obvious first route to take for enquires about schools for children with behavior problems would be the head master of the child’s present or last school and perhaps staff at the school would be able to shed some light on why the child does not wish to attend the school. Maybe the rebellious behavior of the child is caused by family problems.

Whatever help the child requires I wager the burden of financing will be on the OP, as in many of these Farang Thai relationships, the solution to fix problems always seems to be paying out for something or other.

[a2396]

Are you completely serious?!?!?! I see the complete opposite, not enough smacking and too much letting them do whatever the hel_l they want to do without ever being told NO. and not being taught there are consequences to their actions and being held accountable for doing wrong things.

It depends. I have seen them (parents) to heavy-handed & restrictive and others not enough. I don't see much outward affection shown to anyone, in most cases.

[glyph]

"good child rearing should start at 13 mon ths not 13 years of age "

Exactly. The hardest part of babysitting is trying to make it look like an accident.

[MayBeLater]

Hello All,

My long time girlfriend has a 13 year old son who lives with her mother and aunt in Bangkok. Now, he has effectively quit school and he is starting to drift away from home and family, not coming home for long periods and refusing to go to school, etc.

My question is if anyone knows of any program, special school, counselling, military-type school, etc that can help with this kid? He is on a bad path now, and his family has no idea how to motivate the kid to stay in school and put some effort into his own future. The family itself is weak, and doesn't have the structure or ability to turn the kid around.

Any advice at all on how to handle this sad situation is greatly appreciated... this boy is only 13 years old and he is blindly throwing his own life away by completely withdrawing from school and family so he can spend time with his equally young and misguided 'friends.' It's a sad and scary situation that no one around this kid has any idea how to fix.

Thanks in advance for any advice!!!

T.

Hi Tweezer,

You are the solution. You are with his mum, for a long time you said (long time means years a assume, months aint a long time), a child needs his mum, period. You and your girlfriend have made a huge error of judgement to think you could leave a young kid with his grandmother. I once liked a girl (loved her lots), she had a young son. I don't like kids, so I had no choice and broke the relation off for the sake of her son, because a child needs his mother. Tweezer, you thought you could leave the kid out, you are wrong, you have a big responsibility when your with a woman that has kids already, take your responsibility and let the kid live with his mum. Ideas like you mentioned are the easy escapes (pay money for a school/institution and problem solved, thats what your hoping aint you), not a solution, be a responsible man Tweezer.

MBL

Edited September 12, 2008 by MayBeLater

[Wrong Turn]

Hello All,

My long time girlfriend has a 13 year old son who lives with her mother and aunt in Bangkok. Now, he has effectively quit school and he is starting to drift away from home and family, not coming home for long periods and refusing to go to school, etc.

My question is if anyone knows of any program, special school, counselling, military-type school, etc that can help with this kid? He is on a bad path now, and his family has no idea how to motivate the kid to stay in school and put some effort into his own future. The family itself is weak, and doesn't have the structure or ability to turn the kid around.

Any advice at all on how to handle this sad situation is greatly appreciated... this boy is only 13 years old and he is blindly throwing his own life away by completely withdrawing from school and family so he can spend time with his equally young and misguided 'friends.' It's a sad and scary situation that no one around this kid has any idea how to fix.

Thanks in advance for any advice!!!

T.

I'm not trying to pry, but what is the reason or reasons?

Personal and/or family issues? Rebellion?

Finding what the cause or causes are is just as important as potential remedies.

[PeaceBlondie]

Asking the headmaster of a Thai middle school may not help. Typical BKK matayom school has 3000 students, The director drives a new Benz, most teachers have over 400 students, usually no counselors, maybe a chief disciplinarian (child beater). They do not care. Does his mother care enough to take the kid back home and spend 25 hours of her time per week, raising him?

[RakJungTorlae]

BOOT CAMP!

[Scott]

A couple of quick things to check on is what it is he is doing. You might want to take him to the Dr. and have him take a drug test. Might want to have him checked out for other physical problems. Is it a case of computer game addiction? Is there any way of finding out who his friends are and what they are up to?

13 is a little bit young to be going seriously astray. We've had a few kids at the school I am at get into a bit of trouble at 13, but a stern talking to and the threat of expulsion by the school admin has straightened it out. The 16-17 year old are a whole different ball game and it takes some real effort with minimal success to get them back on track.

So, do something ASAP, because in a short time it will be too late.

By the way, if you have the money, you might want to look into a boarding school.

Best of luck to you and keep us posted.

[grtaylor]

Check out

Rose Marie Academy or

The Village International Education Centre

Both are equipped to deal with kids who are just failing for various reasons.

[dumball]

Are you completely serious?!?!?! I see the complete opposite, not enough smacking and too much letting them do whatever the hel_l they want to do without ever being told NO. and not being taught there are consequences to their actions and being held accountable for doing wrong things.

So you are in aggreance in the later half of your post , in the vast majority of cases , corporal punishment does the opposite of good parenting , to strike out in anger only sets a precident on how to deal with problems : setting an example to the inquisitive mind , ignoring the obvious problem , also tends to exascerbate the conditioning of a young and inquisitive mind . The formative years are the most important of a humans future mode of thinking , if the young are to become usefull citizens in their adult life , hence the present day thinking of pre-school attendance for the rapid early years developement of a child .

This is not to say that all such programmes are benificial , some are actualy retrograde due to the fact that despite the training given to care givers , experiences from their own upbring can influence them in their mode of example training . You cannot simpy tell a young child to do this or that and then not lead by example , very difficult for a parent ruled by the might of a giant hand or with a large stick . I could continue in the form of an essay , but think this of no use for the informed and absolutely futile for those with one way hearing . Hope you have learned at least a modicum of the neccessity of rearing a child to the best of your perceived ability from an early age .

[roamer]

"Hello All,

My long time girlfriend has a 13 year old son who lives with her mother and aunt in Bangkok. Now, he has effectively quit school and he is starting to drift away from home and family, not coming home for long periods and refusing to go to school, etc."

You can't see the problem above ?

[stephaniee]

all thai(assuming yr gf is lower social status) problems can be solved by giving the mom money! trust me on this, she will not bother you again with her bad boy things.

[kmart]

Sounds like the kid just needs a good talking to / thrashing. Poor little dear...

[philstone]

Hi Tweezer,

You are the solution. You are with his mum, for a long time you said (long time means years a assume, months aint a long time), a child needs his mum, period. You and your girlfriend have made a huge error of judgement to think you could leave a young kid with his grandmother. I once liked a girl (loved her lots), she had a young son. I don't like kids, so I had no choice and broke the relation off for the sake of her son, because a child needs his mother. Tweezer, you thought you could leave the kid out, you are wrong, you have a big responsibility when your with a woman that has kids already, take your responsibility and let the kid live with his mum. Ideas like you mentioned are the easy escapes (pay money for a school/institution and problem solved, thats what your hoping aint you), not a solution, be a responsible man Tweezer.

MBL

I agree you marry the mother and have boy and the rest of her children live with you so You can be a good role model for them.

I did the same and mined has had all her 14 Thai Children live it us They all have motorbike and cars that I brought them and they are perfect fools like me. 11 have homes that are brought them. But believe I do not give their mother my wife any money. And even through all her children use drugs and alcohol I have never brought any.

Keep up the good work and son will be a fool and crazy just like me Buy they sleep great.

Edited September 13, 2008 by philstone

[WalterTP]

Are you completely serious?!?!?! I see the complete opposite, not enough smacking and too much letting them do whatever the hel_l they want to do without ever being told NO. and not being taught there are consequences to their actions and being held accountable for doing wrong things.

That's been my observation as well

[Spaniel]

Hello All,

My long time girlfriend has a 13 year old son who lives with her mother and aunt in Bangkok. Now, he has effectively quit school and he is starting to drift away from home and family, not coming home for long periods and refusing to go to school, etc.

My question is if anyone knows of any program, special school, counselling, military-type school, etc that can help with this kid? He is on a bad path now, and his family has no idea how to motivate the kid to stay in school and put some effort into his own future. The family itself is weak, and doesn't have the structure or ability to turn the kid around.

Any advice at all on how to handle this sad situation is greatly appreciated... this boy is only 13 years old and he is blindly throwing his own life away by completely withdrawing from school and family so he can spend time with his equally young and misguided 'friends.' It's a sad and scary situation that no one around this kid has any idea how to fix.

Thanks in advance for any advice!!!

T.

Why isn't the kid living with you and your g/f (his mother)? The best "program" is that you and your g/f take on some responsibility and bring the kid home to live with you and her, where you can offer him a sense of belonging and give him the proper disipline he needs. Once you have him back to a normal family setting then I would look into having him tested for possible learning disabilities like dislexia etc. If you can afford it get him out of the Thai school system and into a good International school. A poster mentioned a boarding school but I dont think that would be a good idea. The boarding schools in Thailand are where all the rich Thais send their problem children. This kid needs a family setting which only you and g/f can provide. After re-reading your first paragraph it sounds like you do not consider yourself as part of the family. What are your long term plans for the g/f?

[PeaceBlondie]

First of all, we posters need to stop insulting each other.

I had suggested that the boy return to his mother, on the assumption that she is fit to bring him up where she lives. She may not be able to do that. There is a reason she sent the boy to her own mother. And we know very little about the parenting abilities of the OP, who is not even the boy's step-father.

Good luck. This kingdom can be an even more difficult place to raise a problem child, than our own home countries.

[tweezer]

OP Here...

Thank you ALL for your comments, advice and insights. There are a lot of factors and history that affect the current situation. There's no simple answer.

So we had a sort of 'intervention' with him last weekend: His mom, me, an uncle, 2 grandmothers, 2 aunts, and one step-grandfather. We gave him options. He chose to stay in school, so he says. The school has agreed to give him another chance. It is up to us to make sure he succeeds. We're all spending more time with him, following up closly and helping him on homework, and trying to support as well as police him. He knows we are all behind him and we are all very concerned.

We'll see whether our efforts help or not.... so far, so good.

Thank you all for your input... I appreciate it.

--T.

[MayBeLater]

OP Here...

Thank you ALL for your comments, advice and insights. There are a lot of factors and history that affect the current situation. There's no simple answer.

So we had a sort of 'intervention' with him last weekend: His mom, me, an uncle, 2 grandmothers, 2 aunts, and one step-grandfather. We gave him options. He chose to stay in school, so he says. The school has agreed to give him another chance. It is up to us to make sure he succeeds. We're all spending more time with him, following up closly and helping him on homework, and trying to support as well as police him. He knows we are all behind him and we are all very concerned.

We'll see whether our efforts help or not.... so far, so good.

Thank you all for your input... I appreciate it.

--T.

Tweezer, wish you best of luck with the kid, hope will work out fine.

MBL

[dumball]

OP Here...

Thank you ALL for your comments, advice and insights. There are a lot of factors and history that affect the current situation. There's no simple answer.

So we had a sort of 'intervention' with him last weekend: His mom, me, an uncle, 2 grandmothers, 2 aunts, and one step-grandfather. We gave him options. He chose to stay in school, so he says. The school has agreed to give him another chance. It is up to us to make sure he succeeds. We're all spending more time with him, following up closly and helping him on homework, and trying to support as well as police him. He knows we are all behind him and we are all very concerned.

We'll see whether our efforts help or not.... so far, so good.

Thank you all for your input... I appreciate it.

--T.

Tweezer, wish you best of luck with the kid, hope will work out fine.

MBL

Fantastic effort by all concerned , sincerely hope your efforts are rewaded and the young lad changes for the betterment oh himself .

[G54]

Are you completely serious?!?!?! I see the complete opposite, not enough smacking and too much letting them do whatever the hel_l they want to do without ever being told NO. and not being taught there are consequences to their actions and being held accountable for doing wrong things.

It depends. I have seen them (parents) to heavy-handed & restrictive and others not enough. I don't see much outward affection shown to anyone, in most cases.

Have to agree that I have not seen a lot of outward affection shown to Thai children but on the other hand I have not see much physical discipline either.

On topic :-

I have to side with the idea that talking to the boy has to be a start. Someone who can gain his trust, understand his needs, understand his problems.

Often a good way is to learn what someones main interests are. Say, favourite football team or whatever and use that as a base point.

Sending a child to a 'special school' or other institution surely cannot help unless they have a deeper understanding of the base problem(s) ??

[mizzi39]

all thai(assuming yr gf is lower social status) problems can be solved by giving the mom money! trust me on this, she will not bother you again with her bad boy things.

Good advice from stephaniee (the banned cynthialee i believe).

This TROLL should know, since she is at the bottom of the social ladder.

Edited September 21, 2008 by mizzi39

[dumball]

all thai(assuming yr gf is lower social status) problems can be solved by giving the mom money! trust me on this, she will not bother you again with her bad boy things.

Good advice from stephaniee (the banned cynthialee i believe).

This TROLL should know, since she is at the bottom of the social ladder.

I think this thread is more to with guiding a young person onto a better course in his life , as apposed to placating some old lady with money . Things sound to be going in that direction for the young man at this time , thanks to family talking to him and listening to him instead of him just being ignored about 'His' needs .

[simcity]

A good book regarding teenagers in Thailand & what they do and like is the one of Gor

Thailand life

Something can turn a bright mind into a powerless person

http://www.gorsworld.com/