Fil 67 About To Be Father Again

[NellieB]

My father-in-law has lived in Thailand on and off for about 6 years. He now has a thai wife aged 33(I think). They have been married there for 3 years and have just announced they are (accidentally) 8.5 weeks pregnant. She seems a nice enough girl and may very well be genuine - I don't know. She was introduced to him originally as a girl who had not yet worked in the bars (although we are not sure exactly what she did before she met him). Thanks to him she now has 2 houses in her name, they have a car and motorbike each, he pays her not to work so she can be there to look after him, so why they so much transport - I don't know? He has built up/improved her family's house and bought them new tvs etc.

He tells us that a Thai family can live for a month on £50, but he's spending almost £2000 per month and is no longer living on interest from his accounts, but is dipping into his savings.

We know he is happy, but his English family hardly see him and are lucky if they get so much as a birthday card from him and so are obviously worried that a baby will widen the rift.

We are also wondering what will become of this baby if/when he dies???

Is everyone worrying for nothing???

Edited September 13, 2008 by NellieB

[NellieB]

My father-in-law has lived in Thailand on and off for about 6 years. He now has a thai wife aged 33(I think). They have been married there for 3 years and have just announced they are (accidentally) 8.5 weeks pregnant. She seems a nice enough girl and may very well be genuine - I don't know. She was introduced to him originally as a girl who had not yet worked in the bars (although we are not sure exactly what she did before she met him). Thanks to him she now has 2 houses in her name, they have a car and motorbike each, he pays her not to work so she can be there to look after him, so why they so much transport - I don't know? He has built up/improved her family's house and bought them new tvs etc.

He tells us that a Thai family can live for a month on £50, but he's spending almost £2000 per month and is no longer living on interest from his accounts, but is dipping into his savings.

We know he is happy, but his English family hardly see him and are lucky if they get so much as a birthday card from him and so are obviously worried that a baby will widen the rift.

We are also wondering what will become of this baby if/when he dies???

Is everyone worrying for nothing???

Forgot to say...he has 6 children in England (one with a woman from an affair who he has nothing to do with)

This new baby will be younger than his youngest great grandchild.

His grandchildren will have an Aunt or uncle almost 2 decades younger than them?!

[coventry]

He's old enough to think for himself. Give him space. But 2000 quid a month is excessive. I hope he comes out of it okay.

[petitechevre]

from what u wrote, hes very old with a 33yo..

let him waste all his mnoney before he dies on a young girl.. srsly..

when u get oldd and u cant do nothing but sit in a chair all day watching tv is NOT the moment to have money, its before that.

he'll come back when hes too old and then hes gonna mooch off the govt in a old person house.. good for him.

[Briggsy]

As this is your father-in-law, I assume this is your husband's father.

This pattern of behaviour is extremely familiar and hundreds of Western men are in precisely the same situation.

Your husband has a very high chance of saying goodbye to any inheritance he might have otherwise have got.

Your father-in-law has a small to medium chance of being booted out on his arse, penniless, when he is unable to provide the requisite £2,000 per month or before that if the capital from the Thai properties is required by the wife's family.

Your father-in-law has a slim chance of being murdered if he is worth more dead than alive due to, say, the bequests in his will or life insurance.

You have very little chance of being able to persuade him to change his behaviour.

[NellieB]

As this is your father-in-law, I assume this is your husband's father.

This pattern of behaviour is extremely familiar and hundreds of Western men are in precisely the same situation.

Your husband has a very high chance of saying goodbye to any inheritance he might have otherwise have got.

Your father-in-law has a small to medium chance of being booted out on his arse, penniless, when he is unable to provide the requisite £2,000 per month or before that if the capital from the Thai properties is required by the wife's family.

Your father-in-law has a slim chance of being murdered if he is worth more dead than alive due to, say, the bequests in his will or life insurance.

You have very little chance of being able to persuade him to change his behaviour.

Yes - Hubby's Dad.

I think these are all the things he's worried about. At the moment, he visits 5 of his 6 children here in England once a year and that time goes by very quickly. My sister-in-law finds it especially hard to say goodbye each time....now she feels she has said goodbye for the last time and is more upset than I have ever seen her. I don't know how to make her feel better. FIL doesn't seem to understand why everyone isn't just happy for him.....he didn't break the news very tactfully either.

[roygsd]

As this is your father-in-law, I assume this is your husband's father.

This pattern of behaviour is extremely familiar and hundreds of Western men are in precisely the same situation.

Your husband has a very high chance of saying goodbye to any inheritance he might have otherwise have got.

Your father-in-law has a small to medium chance of being booted out on his arse, penniless, when he is unable to provide the requisite £2,000 per month or before that if the capital from the Thai properties is required by the wife's family.

Your father-in-law has a slim chance of being murdered if he is worth more dead than alive due to, say, the bequests in his will or life insurance.

You have very little chance of being able to persuade him to change his behaviour.

Yes - Hubby's Dad.

I think these are all the things he's worried about. At the moment, he visits 5 of his 6 children here in England once a year and that time goes by very quickly. My sister-in-law finds it especially hard to say goodbye each time....now she feels she has said goodbye for the last time and is more upset than I have ever seen her. I don't know how to make her feel better. FIL doesn't seem to understand why everyone isn't just happy for him.....he didn't break the news very tactfully either.

Err, Sorry to point out the obvious but he is over 21 as presumaly are his children in the uk, similarly his money is his to do with as he wishes and whilst his uk children may not approve of his choices they have no right to complain.

I just wonder how much time his children spent with him ona daily basis in the previous 10 years that he was living in the uk? Very little I suspect.

Parents are usually considered as little more than an inconvienience by their children and their partners/ grandchildren and whilst I do not suggest this is the case in this situation I hope you will appreciate that having spent many years raised his family the guy is entitled to enjoy his remaining years of his life as he chooses.

Sad to see that you seem so interested in his spending habits, when in fact you should be pleased he appears to be enjoying life.

Perhaps his children would rather he had met and married one of the " blue rinse " brigade and spend his time at the allotment and bingo back in the uk?

What you seem to forget is that he has as much chance of being fleeced ( f not more!) by a schemeing woman in the uk

as in thailand and given the divorce laws in the uk likely to have been hit harder in the pocket in the uk.

Dont forget that if he had married an old granny in the uk his assets would automatically go to the old granny if he had not written up a will.

Dont worry about the child its absolutley nothng to do with you, his mother and her family will look after it as best they can and perhaps far better than it might have faired in the uk if the parents lived there.

The proof of the pudding I supose will come IF as you appear to be suggesting he is left pennyless, only then will it be certain

if the children were concerned for him or his money, perhaps you should canvas the family to see who is prepared to take him in and give him a home if he is skint and homeless?

If as you suggest the family are so concerned about his welfare why have none of them made the effort to go visit him in his home in thailand since he has been there to make sure he is alright?

Why does he have to go to the effort and expense of coming to the uk at his time of life, particularly given his age?

If you are genuine you will be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong for him, sadlly in my experience children often automatically expect their parent's to provide a nest egg for them on their passing irrespective of how they have treated the parent sice leaving home, most old folk get little more than a phone call every month or two in the uk.

If he is happy then be happy for him, " dont ask what your parent can do for you instead ask what you can do for your parent" is the thai way and whilst far from perfect it is better than the uk way of ignoring their parents needs.

roy gsd

Edited September 17, 2008 by roygsd

[Boo]

hmmm massive assumptions there roygsd about this man & his family. Do you need a hand moving that soap box?

[NellieB]

Err, Sorry to point out the obvious but he is over 21 as presumaly are his children in the uk, similarly his money is his to do with as he wishes and whilst his uk children may not approve of his choices they have no right to complain.

I just wonder how much time his children spent with him ona daily basis in the previous 10 years that he was living in the uk? Very little I suspect.

Before he left to live in Thailand - his children were spending a great deal of time with him - probably why they miss him so much!

His eldest daughter was doing his cleaning and meals for him, every day.

Sad to see that you seem so interested in his spending habits, when in fact you should be pleased he appears to be enjoying life.

I mention his spending habits, because of the recent increase and change in attitude and behaviour - this is completely out of character?!

Perhaps his children would rather he had met and married one of the " blue rinse " brigade and spend his time at the allotment and bingo back in the uk?

Not at all - in fact most of us like her and get on well with her!

What you seem to forget is that he has as much chance of being fleeced ( f not more!) by a schemeing woman in the uk

as in thailand and given the divorce laws in the uk likely to have been hit harder in the pocket in the uk.

Except now he is too far away for us to help or support him if anything goes wrong.

Dont forget that if he had married an old granny in the uk his assets would automatically go to the old granny if he had not written up a will.

We are not worried about not getting his money, but rather him running out and becoming useless to her.

Dont worry about the child its absolutley nothng to do with you, his mother and her family will look after it as best they can and perhaps far better than it might have faired in the uk if the parents lived there.

She (the wife) was about to go into the 'bars' before he married her. What if his child is a girl? What happens to her if he dies?

The proof of the pudding I supose will come IF as you appear to be suggesting he is left pennyless, only then will it be certain

if the children were concerned for him or his money, perhaps you should canvas the family to see who is prepared to take him in and give him a home if he is skint and homeless?

Any one of us!!!

If as you suggest the family are so concerned about his welfare why have none of them made the effort to go visit him in his home in thailand since he has been there to make sure he is alright?

We can't afford the fare!!!

Why does he have to go to the effort and expense of coming to the uk at his time of life, particularly given his age?

Because of his visa.

If you are genuine you will be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong for him, sadlly in my experience children often automatically expect their parent's to provide a nest egg for them on their passing irrespective of how they have treated the parent sice leaving home, most old folk get little more than a phone call every month or two in the uk.

And what if he dies?

If he is happy then be happy for him, " dont ask what your parent can do for you instead ask what you can do for your parent" is the thai way and whilst far from perfect it is better than the uk way of ignoring their parents needs.

Can't do much for someone you don't see - and who doesn't want to spend much time with you, huh?

(there's more to life than sex, too.)

It's hard not to be a part of someones life, when you love them so much and are used to having them around.

Sorry if that has not been your experience.

roy gsd

[473geo]

Nellie your responses show a genuine care for your father in law, and the effect this unusual string of events is having on your surrounding family, plus a concern for his welfare and that of the new baby. The fact that you get on with his wife is a plus considering she will be giving birth to your husbands half sister/brother.

Would it be possible to view his overseas activity as a kind of perpetual 'round the world trip' in his old age which would not leave him with a great deal of money on his return.If this was the case you would be prepared for the eventuality he could return from his 'expedition' with very little...which of course may well not be the case. I hope he enjoys many happy years in Thailand.

Perhaps try to keep in touch more frequently via video cam....I suspect this may be difficult with the computer links in Thailand.

I am sorry you cannot afford to visit him in Thailand...maybe you could try and put something aside to go visit after the birth, to welcome the new comer to the family.Show an interest in the up coming birth perhaps enquire as to when your FIL thinking of bringing the child to the UK??

There will sadly always be an element of suspicion in any relationship with large age differences......but he is telling you he is happy...and I'm sure he is.Put your suspicions behind you and move forward with the positive view that all will be fine.....because until it is not there is nothing you can do by worrying.....you have said the family will be there for him if the worst happens...that is really all that is required of you at this time.... of course although he is busy with his new family he will think of all his family often, rest assured.

Hope all goes well for all of you

Best wishes

[prakhonchai nick]

Nellie

Your main concern seems to be for the child if and when father in law dies.

If he is legally married (at the Thai amphur) then the British government will pay the wife Widowed Parents allowance till the child is at least 16. The amount is quite significant for Thailand. (around £400 a month) Furthermore maybe father in law has a pension from his former employer in the UK, and they too might pay a widows pension.

Worth investigating.

[Milo]

Nellie

Your main concern seems to be for the child if and when father in law dies.

If he is legally married (at the Thai amphur) then the British government will pay the wife Widowed Parents allowance till the child is at least 16. The amount is quite significant for Thailand. (around £400 a month) Furthermore maybe father in law has a pension from his former employer in the UK, and they too might pay a widows pension.

Worth investigating.

Mate of mine's in a similar situation, 62 and new baby. Looked into the widow's pension etc, apparently they've changed the rules fairly recently. First he'd have to go back to England with wife & baby, live off his private pension for 6months, then apply for all the usual through the benefits system, few more months waiting for replies. BS postal address, preferably family so mail could be forwarded, as if they catch you out of the country for longer than 6months all claims declared null & void. Decided just 6months breadline living back there would break him and therefore unfeasable.

He's pulled his neck in on the spending front instead to look after the little one, and made myself and another friend back in England executors for his will, we can liaise in the event of his death to ensure his family here receives their fair share.

[prakhonchai nick]

Mate of mine's in a similar situation, 62 and new baby. Looked into the widow's pension etc, apparently they've changed the rules fairly recently. First he'd have to go back to England with wife & baby, live off his private pension for 6months, then apply for all the usual through the benefits system, few more months waiting for replies. BS postal address, preferably family so mail could be forwarded, as if they catch you out of the country for longer than 6months all claims declared null & void. Decided just 6months breadline living back there would break him and therefore unfeasable.

You are not correct Milo.

If the new family want child tax credits, child benefit, unemployment benefit and sickness benefit YES they must go to the UK and stay in the UK

But if they are content to stay in Thailand, then a British male is entitled to the state pension at 65 (currently) if he has made enough National Insurance contributions. If/when he should die, his LEGAL Thai wife will receive Widowed Mothers allowance on behalf of her child and as and when she reaches UK state retirement age (sometime between age 60 and 68 depending upon her present age) she can claim a UK state pension in her own right based on her husbands NI contributions.

There is no necessity for either the wife or the child/children to ever set foot in the UK

The only thing to bear in mind is that at the present time, pension and Widowed Mothers allowance once paid out are frozen at that rate. this may change later once the European Court of Human rights consider the matter

[rixalex]

As this is your father-in-law, I assume this is your husband's father.

This pattern of behaviour is extremely familiar and hundreds of Western men are in precisely the same situation.

Your husband has a very high chance of saying goodbye to any inheritance he might have otherwise have got.

Your father-in-law has a small to medium chance of being booted out on his arse, penniless, when he is unable to provide the requisite £2,000 per month or before that if the capital from the Thai properties is required by the wife's family.

Your father-in-law has a slim chance of being murdered if he is worth more dead than alive due to, say, the bequests in his will or life insurance.

You have very little chance of being able to persuade him to change his behaviour.

Yes - Hubby's Dad.

I think these are all the things he's worried about. At the moment, he visits 5 of his 6 children here in England once a year and that time goes by very quickly. My sister-in-law finds it especially hard to say goodbye each time....now she feels she has said goodbye for the last time and is more upset than I have ever seen her. I don't know how to make her feel better. FIL doesn't seem to understand why everyone isn't just happy for him.....he didn't break the news very tactfully either.

Err, Sorry to point out the obvious but he is over 21 as presumaly are his children in the uk, similarly his money is his to do with as he wishes and whilst his uk children may not approve of his choices they have no right to complain.

I just wonder how much time his children spent with him ona daily basis in the previous 10 years that he was living in the uk? Very little I suspect.

Parents are usually considered as little more than an inconvienience by their children and their partners/ grandchildren and whilst I do not suggest this is the case in this situation I hope you will appreciate that having spent many years raised his family the guy is entitled to enjoy his remaining years of his life as he chooses.

Sad to see that you seem so interested in his spending habits, when in fact you should be pleased he appears to be enjoying life.

Perhaps his children would rather he had met and married one of the " blue rinse " brigade and spend his time at the allotment and bingo back in the uk?

What you seem to forget is that he has as much chance of being fleeced ( f not more!) by a schemeing woman in the uk

as in thailand and given the divorce laws in the uk likely to have been hit harder in the pocket in the uk.

Dont forget that if he had married an old granny in the uk his assets would automatically go to the old granny if he had not written up a will.

Dont worry about the child its absolutley nothng to do with you, his mother and her family will look after it as best they can and perhaps far better than it might have faired in the uk if the parents lived there.

The proof of the pudding I supose will come IF as you appear to be suggesting he is left pennyless, only then will it be certain

if the children were concerned for him or his money, perhaps you should canvas the family to see who is prepared to take him in and give him a home if he is skint and homeless?

If as you suggest the family are so concerned about his welfare why have none of them made the effort to go visit him in his home in thailand since he has been there to make sure he is alright?

Why does he have to go to the effort and expense of coming to the uk at his time of life, particularly given his age?

If you are genuine you will be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong for him, sadlly in my experience children often automatically expect their parent's to provide a nest egg for them on their passing irrespective of how they have treated the parent sice leaving home, most old folk get little more than a phone call every month or two in the uk.

If he is happy then be happy for him, " dont ask what your parent can do for you instead ask what you can do for your parent" is the thai way and whilst far from perfect it is better than the uk way of ignoring their parents needs.

roy gsd

Wow, that really hit a nerve didn't it Roy!

Just hazarding a guess here, but you don't by chance have a lover half your age do you?

[Milo]

Mate of mine's in a similar situation, 62 and new baby. Looked into the widow's pension etc, apparently they've changed the rules fairly recently. First he'd have to go back to England with wife & baby, live off his private pension for 6months, then apply for all the usual through the benefits system, few more months waiting for replies. BS postal address, preferably family so mail could be forwarded, as if they catch you out of the country for longer than 6months all claims declared null & void. Decided just 6months breadline living back there would break him and therefore unfeasable.

You are not correct Milo.

If the new family want child tax credits, child benefit, unemployment benefit and sickness benefit YES they must go to the UK and stay in the UK

But if they are content to stay in Thailand, then a British male is entitled to the state pension at 65 (currently) if he has made enough National Insurance contributions. If/when he should die, his LEGAL Thai wife will receive Widowed Mothers allowance on behalf of her child and as and when she reaches UK state retirement age (sometime between age 60 and 68 depending upon her present age) she can claim a UK state pension in her own right based on her husbands NI contributions.

There is no necessity for either the wife or the child/children to ever set foot in the UK

The only thing to bear in mind is that at the present time, pension and Widowed Mothers allowance once paid out are frozen at that rate. this may change later once the European Court of Human rights consider the matter

Thanks very much for the info, I'll forward it on to him. He's been reading just about all the necessary govt/dss websites, jargon and limitations these days must have tied him up in knots. He'll sure be relieved

[torrenova]

He may well be happy and the baby may well be his but he is being scammed left, right and now down the centre. No way you dress it up makes it smell anything other than foul. The mere fact that there is no record of her previous life and talk of her having to be a hooker makes it likely she is a bought bride, bought from the sex trade.

You have a scheming Thai family screwing him over and because he's getting his rocks off it makes it ok does it ? In the UK you'd have him in court testing for senility and freezing his assets.

The houses are gone as are the vehicles unless in his name. Be prepared for a Thai / Thai kid as well (seriously !). Try to get him to either abort (I know, harsh decision) or not spend large sums until the kid is born and paternity are established and even then there is no way he needs to spend anywhere like Bt120,000 a month. Rain in his expenditure. Perhaps one of you will have to fly out there.

[philo]

Reign in his expenditure, i.e.

Your post is too negative. I wish the best of luck to this new child: Must she/he be happy and bring joy to the world. torrenova and philo shurely cannot ...

[haybilly]

hmmm massive assumptions there roygsd about this man & his family. Do you need a hand moving that soap box?

I agree too, Boo--someone, a long way away is worried about their Father-in-Law and they have to read shit like that--Christ.

[roygsd]

hmmm massive assumptions there roygsd about this man & his family. Do you need a hand moving that soap box?

As you are a modorator I am please to note that you didnt find anthing sufficiently wrong with my posting to remove it,

I think your comment confirms your displeasure and perhaps a secret desire to become a censor rather than a modorator your role as a modorator?

If everyone held the same opinions forums such as this would become stale very quickly as its members would have no reason to respond to postings which mirror there own views every time.

As a result Sponsorship would undoubtably suffer as would the income of the owners of the site.

If you dont want people to submit postings or you wish to censor the postings before they come up on screen please come out and say so in order that members can be fully informed.

If you cannot agree to disagree then perhaps you should consider if it is appropriate for you to continue as a modorator?

Forums are like a soapbox in that they are a place for expressing views, if you want to remove my soapbox please feel free to delete me from the site, it is not the be all and end all of my life and it isnt the only thai forum either.

Roy gsd

roy gsd

[Boo]

Ohh touched a nerve there did I. LOL. Funny how some people will use the moderator argument when they have no better agenda to harp on about .

IF I had wanted to moderate your post then I would have deleted it, sent you a warning pm & suspended your account. Or made it clear that my post was a public warnign by stating so. But it was quite clear that I posted my own opinion that your post was nasty & unwarranted.

If you are so sensitive that you can't handle a comment from a poster who also happens to be a moderator too then perhaps you should consider what you post before you do, yes this is a forum & all opinions are expressed. Mine included. Deal with it.

[roygsd]

Nellie your responses show a genuine care for your father in law, and the effect this unusual string of events is having on your surrounding family, plus a concern for his welfare and that of the new baby. The fact that you get on with his wife is a plus considering she will be giving birth to your husbands half sister/brother.

Would it be possible to view his overseas activity as a kind of perpetual 'round the world trip' in his old age which would not leave him with a great deal of money on his return.If this was the case you would be prepared for the eventuality he could return from his 'expedition' with very little...which of course may well not be the case. I hope he enjoys many happy years in Thailand.

Perhaps try to keep in touch more frequently via video cam....I suspect this may be difficult with the computer links in Thailand.

I am sorry you cannot afford to visit him in Thailand...maybe you could try and put something aside to go visit after the birth, to welcome the new comer to the family.Show an interest in the up coming birth perhaps enquire as to when your FIL thinking of bringing the child to the UK??

There will sadly always be an element of suspicion in any relationship with large age differences......but he is telling you he is happy...and I'm sure he is.Put your suspicions behind you and move forward with the positive view that all will be fine.....because until it is not there is nothing you can do by worrying.....you have said the family will be there for him if the worst happens...that is really all that is required of you at this time.... of course although he is busy with his new family he will think of all his family often, rest assured.

Hope all goes well for all of you

Best wishes

Thank you, you have expressed my views and with far greater tact than I managed to do.

roy gsd

[roygsd]

As this is your father-in-law, I assume this is your husband's father.

This pattern of behaviour is extremely familiar and hundreds of Western men are in precisely the same situation.

Your husband has a very high chance of saying goodbye to any inheritance he might have otherwise have got.

Your father-in-law has a small to medium chance of being booted out on his arse, penniless, when he is unable to provide the requisite £2,000 per month or before that if the capital from the Thai properties is required by the wife's family.

Your father-in-law has a slim chance of being murdered if he is worth more dead than alive due to, say, the bequests in his will or life insurance.

You have very little chance of being able to persuade him to change his behaviour.

Yes - Hubby's Dad.

I think these are all the things he's worried about. At the moment, he visits 5 of his 6 children here in England once a year and that time goes by very quickly. My sister-in-law finds it especially hard to say goodbye each time....now she feels she has said goodbye for the last time and is more upset than I have ever seen her. I don't know how to make her feel better. FIL doesn't seem to understand why everyone isn't just happy for him.....he didn't break the news very tactfully either.

Err, Sorry to point out the obvious but he is over 21 as presumaly are his children in the uk, similarly his money is his to do with as he wishes and whilst his uk children may not approve of his choices they have no right to complain.

I just wonder how much time his children spent with him ona daily basis in the previous 10 years that he was living in the uk? Very little I suspect.

Parents are usually considered as little more than an inconvienience by their children and their partners/ grandchildren and whilst I do not suggest this is the case in this situation I hope you will appreciate that having spent many years raised his family the guy is entitled to enjoy his remaining years of his life as he chooses.

Sad to see that you seem so interested in his spending habits, when in fact you should be pleased he appears to be enjoying life.

Perhaps his children would rather he had met and married one of the " blue rinse " brigade and spend his time at the allotment and bingo back in the uk?

What you seem to forget is that he has as much chance of being fleeced ( f not more!) by a schemeing woman in the uk

as in thailand and given the divorce laws in the uk likely to have been hit harder in the pocket in the uk.

Dont forget that if he had married an old granny in the uk his assets would automatically go to the old granny if he had not written up a will.

Dont worry about the child its absolutley nothng to do with you, his mother and her family will look after it as best they can and perhaps far better than it might have faired in the uk if the parents lived there.

The proof of the pudding I supose will come IF as you appear to be suggesting he is left pennyless, only then will it be certain

if the children were concerned for him or his money, perhaps you should canvas the family to see who is prepared to take him in and give him a home if he is skint and homeless?

If as you suggest the family are so concerned about his welfare why have none of them made the effort to go visit him in his home in thailand since he has been there to make sure he is alright?

Why does he have to go to the effort and expense of coming to the uk at his time of life, particularly given his age?

If you are genuine you will be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong for him, sadlly in my experience children often automatically expect their parent's to provide a nest egg for them on their passing irrespective of how they have treated the parent sice leaving home, most old folk get little more than a phone call every month or two in the uk.

If he is happy then be happy for him, " dont ask what your parent can do for you instead ask what you can do for your parent" is the thai way and whilst far from perfect it is better than the uk way of ignoring their parents needs.

roy gsd

Wow, that really hit a nerve didn't it Roy!

Just hazarding a guess here, but you don't by chance have a lover half your age do you?

Hi,

Not quite half my own age but my wife certainly is younger than I am, but then I suspect that is the case with most married guys on this site!

Out of curiosity whats the age difference between you and your wife/partner?

Given the choice I dont think many guys would opt for a wife from the "blue rinse" brigade!

Yes it certainly did register with me but certainly it did not hit a nerve with me personally.

My comments are based upon many years of exprience of dealing with elderly and/or infirm people who are often ignored by their families until such time as the subject of where their house/savings are going after they pass away.

I have personally witnessed family members ( not my family thank god) of an old chap who lived alone who I used to represent in repect of his care provision and who lived less than half a mile from him who never visited him for over 20 years and who failed to visit him on his death bed (despite his requesting they did ) turn up at the house enmass the evening he passed away and were quite pissed off to say the least ( in fact the Police threatened to arrest them if they did not leave) when I gave them a letter from the old chaps Solicitor confirming he had been appointed to deal with his affairs and advising them that they should contact him regarding the will and expressly forbidding them from entering the old chaps home and or removing any of his belongings.

The old guy well knew the score and I expect would have loved to see their faces when it dawned on them that things may not be going the way they expected.

The old chap left 5% of his estate to his local pub for the regulars to see him off in style ( I hope they did) and some went to his pal who he was close to for over 50 years, the rest went to various charities.

I am not saying all families are like those people butI am sorry to say this is not my only experience where some family members lead busy lives and by and large contribute little to ensure the well being of their elderly relatives yet fully expect to automatically inherit all their world goods.

Make a will, it saves a lot of problems!

roy gsd

[sbk]

Well, roygsd, your experiences don't seem to apply to this situation then, do they?

I see someone who is concerned for an older man who is running through his savings, may outlast the decimation of his savings and if not, will be leaving behind a child not provided for because he spent all his money.

I don't think there is a solution, frankly. He is a grown man and if he has reached this age without being able to see the future with some sense, then I don't know that he'll be listening to anyone else anyway. Something I've learned from dealing with men this age is that some of them hold the belief that they've lived life, they know how things work and nobody younger than them will be able to teach them anything.

Good luck to you and your family and I just hope that he comes to his senses about the future and how it needs to be dealt with.

[roygsd]

Ohh touched a nerve there did I. LOL. Funny how some people will use the moderator argument when they have no better agenda to harp on about .

IF I had wanted to moderate your post then I would have deleted it, sent you a warning pm & suspended your account. Or made it clear that my post was a public warnign by stating so. But it was quite clear that I posted my own opinion that your post was nasty & unwarranted.

If you are so sensitive that you can't handle a comment from a poster who also happens to be a moderator too then perhaps you should consider what you post before you do, yes this is a forum & all opinions are expressed. Mine included.

Deal with it.

In case you hadnt noticed I did deal with it!

You might consider my views nasty and unwarranted as is your right, others may or may not agree with you.

On relection I accept my wording might have been a bit too direct for some people but using sweeter wording would not alter the thrust of the views I expressed in my posting of which I stand by.

Parents earn their money and after their children have left the nest are entitled to enjoy their lives as they see fit.

Whilst Grown up children of elderly people may be concerned or have reservations as to their parents life choices, the fact remains that unless the parent is declared mentally incapable of being unable to manage their own affairs they really have no right to expect the parent to dance to their tune.

He who pays the Piper calls the tune, it has always been that way and I sincerly hope it will remain so, there is to much intervention in people lives already.

Roy gsd

roy gsd

Edited September 24, 2008 by roygsd

[rixalex]

Given the choice I dont think many guys would opt for a wife from the "blue rinse" brigade!

Don't you find it strange the way that old guys quickly dismiss older women (or should i say women their own age) as being undesirable, but if anyone questions why a cute young girl that could easily be their daughter, would find an old man like themselves desirable, they'll give you a whole host of reasons as to why it's perfectly plausible and nothing to do with the money.

[Chan_inbangkok]

First of all you have to ask your father in law the question.

IS HE HAPPY?

and if he is happy so that's it. That's the main thing. Do not worry about the baby. He or she will be fine. His mother and her family will look after him when your father in law pass away.

Do not forget that now he has a new family to look after too. He can spend HIS money the way he likes as long as he spend it on his family.

As for the grown up children. You must not expect anything from him. I'm not just saying it but if it did happen to my own father I would feel the same. The young half brother or sister will need the money more than me.

2000 pounds a month seem a bit much but again it's his money.

[NellieB]

Ohh touched a nerve there did I. LOL. Funny how some people will use the moderator argument when they have no better agenda to harp on about .

IF I had wanted to moderate your post then I would have deleted it, sent you a warning pm & suspended your account. Or made it clear that my post was a public warnign by stating so. But it was quite clear that I posted my own opinion that your post was nasty & unwarranted.

If you are so sensitive that you can't handle a comment from a poster who also happens to be a moderator too then perhaps you should consider what you post before you do, yes this is a forum & all opinions are expressed. Mine included.

Deal with it.

In case you hadnt noticed I did deal with it!

You might consider my views nasty and unwarranted as is your right, others may or may not agree with you.

On relection I accept my wording might have been a bit too direct for some people but using sweeter wording would not alter the thrust of the views I expressed in my posting of which I stand by.

Parents earn their money and after their children have left the nest are entitled to enjoy their lives as they see fit.

Whilst Grown up children of elderly people may be concerned or have reservations as to their parents life choices, the fact remains that unless the parent is declared mentally incapable of being unable to manage their own affairs they really have no right to expect the parent to dance to their tune.

He who pays the Piper calls the tune, it has always been that way and I sincerly hope it will remain so, there is to much intervention in people lives already.

Roy gsd

roy gsd

Fact is Roy - you were not correct about our family.

FIL was going to spend much of his money travelling the world, but got to Thailand and loved it so much - he put down roots.

We don't begrudge him his happiness - we just miss him and are genuinely concerned....and I know this sounds patronising, but concerned in a similar way you would be for a child being a bit too frivolous with his wages for a bit too long, I suppose.

That being said..

Thank you to all those who offered advice.

Unfortunately - she (Fil's wife), has stopped visiting England with him, because she doesn't get on well with English food. We try to see that she has what she is used to (or as close as we can get it) and make an effort to take her to Thai restaurants (we always research and go to a different one each time).

Who in their right mind wants to visit England, these days,eh?

I don't think she would want to live here, for any length of time, if she is already reluctant to visit.

With a baby on the way, I think it even less likely she will come.

With an English father, would the child then have the right to apply for British passport or residency - if they wanted?

Yes, there do seem to be computer problems on their end.

I do send e-mails and try to write a little in Thai, but it sometimes gets translated into gobble-de-gook and also seems to take forever to reach them and we don't always get replies. They don't have/use a webcam.

[prakhonchai nick]

With an English father, would the child then have the right to apply for British passport or residency - if they wanted?

The child being born in Thailand to a Thai mother will automatically have Thai nationality. The parents can then request a British birth certificate and UK passport from the British embassy. It is the child's right.

Dual nationality is acceptable to both Thailand and the UK. Some people will say that one nationality must be revoked at age 18. This is not true.

If a male child he will be liable to Thai conscription at around age 18/20.

[NellieB]

With an English father, would the child then have the right to apply for British passport or residency - if they wanted?

If a male child he will be liable to Thai conscription at around age 18/20.

How long do they have to serve?

[Boo]

2 years I beleive & it is a lottery they have to attend, so they may not get picked at all, also half thai kids tend to be excluded on the basis of being half as well (not always but every case I have heard of & I know a few).