When Will She Be Horney Again?

[PeaceBlondie]

I understand chuckacinco's post but I would need to know how he thought his son's mother would support the baby without his income ? That is a heck of a tie, knowing that separation means no control over whether there is food on the table or not.

That reminds me of something similar that happened to me. I was divorced from my wife, who married a worthless bum and had his baby. I was sending her money for my four children who lived with her, and she was using it to support about five other folks in her household I took the twins away from her, and raised them myself, joined later by two more.

But my girls were school age when they moved in with me, not infants.

[torrenova]

That reminds me of something similar that happened to me. I was divorced from my wife, who married a worthless bum and had his baby. I was sending her money for my four children who lived with her, and she was using it to support about five other folks in her household I took the twins away from her, and raised them myself, joined later by two more.

But my girls were school age when they moved in with me, not infants.

If someone is going through it now, you can't just leave the kid with the mother and send money because it will never be used for the correct purpose. Not sending money means no income. Even if you do send money then they will never visit a dentist or have the correct health care like injection because the money will be used for more sanuk activities. All you can do, if you are able, is take the kid yourself because that is the only way you can even be partially sure it will have a future.

[PeaceBlondie]

I do not know. We are not the OP or his wife. Even if he takes our advice, it may be wrong.

[NanLaew]

It's hard to diagnose someone else's marital problems when you only hear one side of the story. Passing any judgement and making recommendations based on the OP's statements so far only confirms what he wants to hear, ie. shitty, loveless marriage, make tracks and how to make it all go away. There doesn't seem to be much intent on recovering the marriage, just a litany of 'she done me wrong' followed by 'I feel your pain' responses.

Maybe answer these questions first:

1) What was it that first attracted you to your wife?

2) Who wanted to get married first... who's idea was it?

3) What was the primary motivation for getting married?

4) What, if anything, has she given up to be, i) your wife and ii) a mother?

5) What was your initial reaction when she told you she was pregnant?

6) What was the first thing you said to her when she told you?

7) What was the first thing you did?

If you can honestly answer these questions (you don't have to post the answers but it would sure bump this thread), you may get an idea of what your wife is going through which hasn't even been alluded to apart from some vague reference to post-partum depression. You have made a worrying inference that the only 'great' sex you had before pregnancy was when you were both sh!tfaced. Right now, we know that you are not getting laid (well maybe not by your wife) but that seems to be a piss weak excuse for screwing up your life and theirs any more than you think it is already. My sister persevered with a pretty disastrous marriage for the sake of her two kids but also because she really loved the guy. After one single act of violence, she filed for divorce as acrimonious as she knew it would be. When I asked her what triggered this decision, she claimed that a marriage can only work when your wife/husband is not only your lover but your best friend. His single violent act destroyed any illusions she held that their friendship was mutual.

Good luck though. For my part, my son is 6-months old next week and I have to beat my gorgeous, oversexed young wife off with a sh!tty stick and only get respite when I lock myself in the spare bedroom.

[Lopburi99]

It's hard to diagnose someone else's marital problems when you only hear one side of the story.

Of course this is true. What is the wife's side?

What if she made a post like:

"Hi thread posters. I've read all the comments and let me just say you have no idea what is really going on, or what MY life has been like...it's been a nightmare for me! My husband has been physically and emotionally abusive, irresponsible financially, immature, mentally unstable, and a lying, cheating drunkard. It's sickening to see how he has inaccurately and unfairly painted this picture.

But of course none of you know this. You all assume he is the unfortunate victim when in fact I AM! Can't wait until my bad-news husband is out of my life so I can pick up the pieces and try to have a normal, stable life with my son."

We don't know what reality is here. All we know is that a major problem exists, cannot verify why, and it is difficult to suggest the OPs best course of action without knowing more facts (assuming marriage counseling is out of the question).

Just food for thought.

Edited October 18, 2008 by Lopburi99

[Antimony]

PeaceBlondie: You have kids? and twins?

*Swooooon*

[Boo]

about 6 of em, pb is super dad

[PeaceBlondie]

And 11 grandchildren, so far.

[torrenova]

It's hard to diagnose someone else's marital problems when you only hear one side of the story.

Of course this is true. What is the wife's side?

What if she made a post like:

"Hi thread posters. I've read all the comments and let me just say you have no idea what is really going on, or what MY life has been like...it's been a nightmare for me! My husband has been physically and emotionally abusive, irresponsible financially, immature, mentally unstable, and a lying, cheating drunkard. It's sickening to see how he has inaccurately and unfairly painted this picture.

But of course none of you know this. You all assume he is the unfortunate victim when in fact I AM! Can't wait until my bad-news husband is out of my life so I can pick up the pieces and try to have a normal, stable life with my son."

We don't know what reality is here. All we know is that a major problem exists, cannot verify why, and it is difficult to suggest the OPs best course of action without knowing more facts (assuming marriage counseling is out of the question).

Just food for thought.

I agree to give more accurate advice we would need both sides of the story but had the husband been as you put forward in your hypothetical argument, I doubt he would be here looking for advice on how to rectify the situation.

My experience and that of others I know indicates that there is often some issue with the woman's desire for post childbirth sex, much more so than the guy being the problem. However, I temper that with the fact that many men, myself included in the beginning, do not fully understand the change in role of the mother and how her priorities change. Sometimes though she cannot regain any focus on the role of lover due to pre occupation with the role of mother. I see this as far more of an issue in Asia than Europe. Some guys give up, some couples work through it and stay together, some don't.

[travellermom]

First, congratulations, you are a nice man trying to help your marriage! - Everything will be ok, you will see!

Woman's advice:

1 - Women want love, men want respect. You gotta find what is her love language. People feel loved differently, there are 5 languages of love: acts (help with the housework for example), words (saying I love you, saying compliments), gifts (receiving and giving gifts), exclusive time (just wanna be with you).

2 - To take care of a baby is very very tiring, so, try to help her out, hire a part time maid (not an attractive one, please) if needed.

3 - After pregnancy and delivery we feel fat, ugly and just a baby poping machine, make sure you say nice things about her, along the day. (do not say: I love your boobs, or, girl, you are hot. DO say: you look good when you tie your hair like that, or gosh, I love your eyes... ). Say it when you are not inviting her for sex, or she won't believe you.

4 - Sometimes she is so in love for your son, the same way you are, that the emotions get very confused.

5 - She might be suffering with post partum depression.

The pressure for sex will just make it worse. Try to do lots of cuddling, back massages etc - and do not ask for sex - she will do it you will see.

And would be great if she can eat lots of soy products and peanut butter - it is good for women

You are great father and a great husband, I am sure you guys will be happy again!

Take care! -

[ArranP]

My apologies in advance to some people.

I find this averts my own frustration, trying to tip-toe around the issue however well intentioned for me frequently leads to the situation bubbling up and does more damage than the following:

I present it in the following easiest way for my wife; If a mans car breaksdown/is off the road, then what is a man to do ? he will either take the buss or rent a car. Then leave it upto her to decide when or if she is ready and continue to support her in all other areas.

Edited December 20, 2008 by ArranP

[Chaimai]

It's hard to diagnose someone else's marital problems when you only hear one side of the story.

Of course this is true. What is the wife's side?

What if she made a post like:

"Hi thread posters. I've read all the comments and let me just say you have no idea what is really going on, or what MY life has been like...it's been a nightmare for me! My husband has been physically and emotionally abusive, irresponsible financially, immature, mentally unstable, and a lying, cheating drunkard. It's sickening to see how he has inaccurately and unfairly painted this picture.

But of course none of you know this. You all assume he is the unfortunate victim when in fact I AM! Can't wait until my bad-news husband is out of my life so I can pick up the pieces and try to have a normal, stable life with my son."

We don't know what reality is here. All we know is that a major problem exists, cannot verify why, and it is difficult to suggest the OPs best course of action without knowing more facts (assuming marriage counseling is out of the question).

Just food for thought.

Good post. Whichever way it was doesn't matter - shotime called it, spot on.

[tijnebijn]

wonder if there is any marriage counseling in Thailand .

If there is , can they speak English and etcetera .

Probably need another counseler to sort out the counselor .

Guess the OP already knows the answer , don't blame it your wife ,

both are in the marriage , both need to get to their senses clearly .

A question one can ask oneself is , why one is in such a need of sex ?

Sex on itself is not fully satisfying , lust is like an addiction and all

addictions are bad . The Op misses some inside package , think he will never get it

and do not feel sorry for him at all .

[ozinthailand]

My wife had our baby 6 months ago and since this time we have had only one intimate encounter together (but i had more enjoyment than she did, she just wanted to get it over with). I understand that hormones are rebounding from the pregnancy and the fact that she is still breast feeding has something to do with it, but what is normal? I can't go on like this in a loveless sexless marriage, however I must for the sake of my little boy. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to seduce a postpartum woman into doing things that came so natural before? I always thought that a child brings a family closer together rather than tear it apart. Do I just wait this one out or what?

First turn off the pressure (if any) for sex. Then talk to her. She's certainly no dummy and recognizes a problem here. Gently ask her leading questions, like "Are you happy honey?" to help her open up. Ask her what she believes a solution might be. Try to develop a plan together. If she is unresponsive, you likely have a major issue to confront.

"I always thought that a child brings a family closer together rather than tear it apart." This statement worries me, possibly suggesting problems in the marriage prior to the baby's arrival. A baby may or may not bring a family closer together - depends largely on both of you striving to obtain that result. A new baby brings new challenges to the healthiest of marriages.

Be cool. Good luck!

Go to a knock shop , or get a massage and happy ending ! that may help....

[imaneggspurt]

probably unrelated and NOT meant as insult ,but i have 3 friends all married to ex bar girls, all have had sex cut off,.seems when you talk to ( honest ) husbands of these types its not that uncommon, i can see why, perhaps if you have worked in a chocolate factory for 10 years you wouldnt want a mars bar for lunch ! ,.

[MyphuketLife]

My wife had our baby 6 months ago and since this time we have had only one intimate encounter together (but i had more enjoyment than she did, she just wanted to get it over with). I understand that hormones are rebounding from the pregnancy and the fact that she is still breast feeding has something to do with it, but what is normal? I can't go on like this in a loveless sexless marriage, however I must for the sake of my little boy. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to seduce a postpartum woman into doing things that came so natural before? I always thought that a child brings a family closer together rather than tear it apart. Do I just wait this one out or what?

Take her to a doctor, its sounds like a hormone thing.... 6 months after the baby is born is a long time... For me it was 6weeks.... For all my friends they said 1-2 months....

Besides the lack of wanting sex, is she different? Sad, outlook on life bad, Overly happy? This is one best handled by doctors I would think.... It could be that she is shameful of her new body, this sounds cheesy but do you tell her she is still so sexy to you?

[Shotime]

wonder if there is any marriage counseling in Thailand .

If there is , can they speak English and etcetera .

Probably need another counseler to sort out the counselor .

Guess the OP already knows the answer , don't blame it your wife ,

both are in the marriage , both need to get to their senses clearly .

A question one can ask oneself is , why one is in such a need of sex ?

Sex on itself is not fully satisfying , lust is like an addiction and all

addictions are bad . The Op misses some inside package , think he will never get it

and do not feel sorry for him at all .

What is this supposed to mean? Anything can be an addiction. Having sex with your wife, or whatever, doesn't have anything to do with this. Eating can be an addiction, and is for some. Yet we all have to eat. He's just looking to have sex with his wife. Are you asexual or something? I will agree that sex in itself is not all it's cranked up to be, but it's still a lot of fun. Don't ever feel sorry for anyone. It really doesn't help.

[Moothon]

It's also possible that all she wanted from you was a baby, supported or unsupported. I have seen it happen before, and NOT only in Thailand.

[aprelle]

Was she on normal delivery or ceasarian? If she's on ceasarian she's probably still in pain after 6months.

If not, then there is a problem, try buying a bouquet of flowers and tell her, if there is any problem you may have please talk to me and we'll find a solution to it.

Make your voice soft, most asian women dont like being shouted at, like (I dont know what the hel_l is your problem if you dont talk to me!) Not like that, give it a soft tone and you'll win and will probably make her open up whatever problem she have.

Also DO NOT push too much about shagging her, try pleasing her more than pleasing yourself, you might find it that after 24hrs she'll be asking for it.

Edited December 22, 2008 by aprelle

[Chaimai]

Was she on normal delivery or ceasarian? If she's on ceasarian she's probably still in pain after 6months.

If not, then there is a problem, try buying a bouquet of flowers and tell her, if there is any problem you may have please talk to me and we'll find a solution to it.

Make your voice soft, most asian women dont like being shouted at, like (I dont know what the hel_l is your problem if you dont talk to me!) Not like that, give it a soft tone and you'll win and will probably make her open up whatever problem she have.

Also DO NOT push too much about shagging her, try pleasing her more than pleasing yourself, you might find it that after 24hrs she'll be asking for it.

Really ? - Have you actually read the posts ?

[Livinginexile]

Lets cut to the chase fellas....

She dosn't love him...

And she probably never did...