Marry Me

[magic]

I have had a Thai GF for about 6 months now.. stay together 3 days per week.. I am 32, she is 30. I have lived in bkk for 4 yrs.

She sells websites, which isn't such stable work for her..

Pros:

Stunning Beauty

Jai dee

Very Honest as far as I know

I believe she loves me

Very affectionate

Helps out with $ for food /entertainment all the time

Great sex

Cons:

Her unreal Temper that even she admits is over the top

Finds something to fight about every 3 weeks or so, which turns into her spewing sometimes vulgar/ abusive language towards me, which can last up to 5-12 hrs at a time! ( i do the opposite of this )

Super jealous of any female friends i have.. even thought i say we can all hang out and try to do this together.

super suspicious of all my actions, not to mention any friends SHE may still have.. ( she doesn't have many, admitting she isn't very friendly)

very arrogant, thinking she is always right.

Just tonight she said she felt bad about a problem at work, called me and wanted to meet after we talked, but i was feeling a little sick & said the next day is better. This apparently was not good enough for her.. which stated another argument..

And over the past month SHE asked to marry! She seems to have a real urgecy about this.. Basically, "marry or split." She has also said a while ago that her parents will go back to Isan soon, & she will need to find another place.. also saying how I should get a bigger apartment, etc..

This makes me question her true motives.....

Her history:

had 2-3 farang BFs who split on her after 3-6 months.. one of which asked her to marry, then never called her after he went home.. other was a butterfly. So i can understand her feelings a bit.

hmmm What's a guy to do ?

[Enjibenji]

sack that

i hope you're not actually considering this?

"marry or split"... you really think she loves you?

[Chaimai]

Walk away - unless you enjoy the fighting!

Edited October 9, 2008 by Chaimai

[Scott]

She sounds quite unstable. If you get married, each problem will be magnified and the pro's will be seriously reduced.

Best of luck to you (actually to both of you).

[magic]

it's just that the good times are really great, but the bad times really suck!

She can only be an angel or a devil. There is no middle... those are her words..

I wonder sometimes if she has some mental issues..

[AmeriThai]

I wonder sometimes if she has some mental issues..

That should be a major clue right there.

[Carib]

Don`t marry if you don't have or had the intention to do so yourself.

Stay who you are, and stay where you are.

If a marriage and a bigger apartment are the reason because her parents go back, I don't think it is reason enough. An element of economical reasons to be together is not uncommon, but cannot be the main reason.

Just see how things go `IF` her parents do go back. Maybe she is just scared, because she doesn't know how her future will look like than. Everybody is looking for some kind of security in life, or something to hold on to.

If you didn't have doubts, you wouldn't be posting here, so stick with that, let that be your guide. Not as an ever present sword over your head, but as a warning which can be adjusted to a more positive idea about the whole thing, if that would/could happen over time. If not, than the cons have clearly won.

And don't keep this to yourself, but talk to each other, and by doing that take the risqué that it could be finished sooner than you maybe hoped for, or that it will be looked upon as being married halfway already.

If talking about this doesn't lead to trouble but to a better understanding, than the pro`s may have won.

Forget the idea that you maybe can change a person`s character, it is an illusion. Circumstances may improve one`s thinking and mood swings, but if these reasons take a turn for the worse, so will the mood swings...

Good luck.

[0Mix1up]

nobodies perfect

-the 3 week blow up is the drama queen testing your commitment, [if he stays he does love me]

-from what i know tgs believe other tgs will try to steal good looking well to do bfs away, hence very very jealous

-never met a woman who doesn't, think they are always right, that is.

[GungaDin]

Split, you've had enough red flags to stop an express train.

This girl could stab you while you're asleep.

Don't know why you are asking.

Edited October 9, 2008 by GungaDin

[expatudon08]

i doubt you need advice we all get scared buy wedding bells thats normal moody foul mouthed parner isent that the time of the month

if i did what others told me to do then i wouldent be as happy as a pig in sh-t with a lovely son

as posted above its not just thai girls who lead falangs a merry dance we can jump ship anytime but with no visa and left with a baby maybe things can get hard

i have seen the aftermath when i went to donate over at a local ophanage a beutifull baby girl half and half but left buy mum very sad

[way2muchcoffee]

I say take it slow. If you think the pros are strong enough and in plenty then suggest you share an apartment together. You pay for the apartment. She takes care of her family and contributes to household expenses in a split that is fair based on your individual incomes. By living together you will find out how compatible you really are, or are not.

Another piece of 'free advice'. Limit your dealings with other Thai women. This is a big one. It is not common for Thai men to have Thai female friends who they see individually, unless there is something more than friendship going on. Usually these kind of cross-gender friendship interactions in Thai society occur in groups, not as individuals.

Try these things. See how it works. Marriage is serious and should not be entered into quickly. I lived with my Thai wife for 6 years before we got married. Yes, it took that long for me to truly feel comfortable with the decision. We've now been married for one and a half years. The relationship is stronger than ever and we are now contemplating having children.

Edited October 10, 2008 by way2muchcoffee

[canuckamuck]

RUN!

[bendix]

Well, you've got a wide range of advice, ranging from marry her to run away. I'm sure that helped you a lot, although what you could expect from asking a group of complete strangers (who neither know nor care about the outcome of this) about one of the most important decisions you will ever make, I have no idea.

My advice? Grow a pair. You're 32. You should know your own mind by now.

[geriatrickid]

Think of it this way; Would you recommend smoking a cigarette while filling a vehicle with petrol?

[ThaiPauly]

I know of many people in good, lasting relationships with the type of girl you descibe.

She is fiesty...do you want someone who just says Yes darling, Yes Darling all the time,?, or do you want someone who stands up for themselves as shows a bit of spirit. Sure, life won't be dull with this woman in your life.

The jealousy thing is absolutley normal , as has been already stated.

the thing that worries me is the "Marry or Split" ultimatum.

You just cannot agree to that...unless you really feel your life would not be worth living without her.

If I were in your shoes, I would be firm and tell her you will marry her when you are ready, not just because thats what SHE wants.

You really have got to let her know your feelings about this.

My Sons are all grown up, all in relationships, but will not marry...they saw what a balls up I made of my first three marriages

Under NO circumstances should your G/F be the one calling the shots here.

Good Luck

TP

BTW...I am very happy in my latest marriage to a Thai that has lasted 5 years so far...so it is possible to have a good marriage, but I decided when ...not the other way round

[donna]

if youre asking advice about this already, then you are obviously not sure about the girl.

any woman (or man for that matter) who issues ultimatums is immature and should be looked at with caution.

if i were a bloke and it were me that she was doing this to, i would get the hel_l out of there. as bendix said 'Grow a pair. You're 32. You should know your own mind by now'. harsh, but true.

[Explorer]

RUN!

I second that

[lioness]

Split, you've had enough red flags to stop an express train.

This girl could stab you while you're asleep.

Don't know why you are asking.

I second this. Spot on.

[zorro1]

Sorry to say but your HOOKED! nothing said here will stop you. Enjoy the ride and please post back after your divorce

[steveromagnino]

My advice? Grow a pair. You're 32. You should know your own mind by now.

He said the sex was good. I suspect he already has a pair.

But nice suggestion anyway.

Will you marry me Bendix, or else I will stop posting to you?

[kmart]

The complete nutters are always the best shags unfortunately. Do not marry under any circumstances.

[jayjayjayjay]

Sack her and move on. What you'll realise in the years to come is all those bald, fat, old guys walking around with younger partners are not stupid. All they are doing is sifting through potentials to find "unspoilt goods" ie, someone that does not have a mission statement, a chip on the shoulder, or a serious personality flaw. After my divorce I dated no less than 15 girls in a 2 year period, went to dinner with even more and chatted regularity to others........ I ended up with a gem who is 22 yrs my junior, disgusting to the core (I know), but the reality is I've had 3 1/2 years of quality time that have made up for the 9 years of H*ll for marrying the wrong gurl (same age, good job, intelligent, BUT showed a list of Cons pretty much like you have here!) Cheers JJ PS. you can see my darling in my profile 555

[donx]

I have had a Thai GF for about 6 months now.. stay together 3 days per week.. I am 32, she is 30. I have lived in bkk for 4 yrs.

She sells websites, which isn't such stable work for her..

Pros:

Stunning Beauty

Jai dee

Very Honest as far as I know

I believe she loves me

Very affectionate

Helps out with $ for food /entertainment all the time

Great sex

Cons:

Her unreal Temper that even she admits is over the top

Finds something to fight about every 3 weeks or so, which turns into her spewing sometimes vulgar/ abusive language towards me, which can last up to 5-12 hrs at a time! ( i do the opposite of this )

Super jealous of any female friends i have.. even thought i say we can all hang out and try to do this together.

super suspicious of all my actions, not to mention any friends SHE may still have.. ( she doesn't have many, admitting she isn't very friendly)

very arrogant, thinking she is always right.

Just tonight she said she felt bad about a problem at work, called me and wanted to meet after we talked, but i was feeling a little sick & said the next day is better. This apparently was not good enough for her.. which stated another argument..

And over the past month SHE asked to marry! She seems to have a real urgecy about this.. Basically, "marry or split." She has also said a while ago that her parents will go back to Isan soon, & she will need to find another place.. also saying how I should get a bigger apartment, etc..

This makes me question her true motives.....

Her history:

had 2-3 farang BFs who split on her after 3-6 months.. one of which asked her to marry, then never called her after he went home.. other was a butterfly. So i can understand her feelings a bit.

hmmm What's a guy to do ?

Pretend that I was the one that wrote the post above. Now magic, tell me, should I leave her or should we get married.

[sbk]

if youre asking advice about this already, then you are obviously not sure about the girl.

any woman (or man for that matter) who issues ultimatums is immature and should be looked at with caution.

if i were a bloke and it were me that she was doing this to, i would get the hel_l out of there. as bendix said 'Grow a pair. You're 32. You should know your own mind by now'. harsh, but true.

I am a woman and if I were to describe having such a relationship with a man, most people would wonder when the guy was going to get abusive and start hitting. Extreme shows of temper, extreme possessiveness and jealousy are often signs that the relationship will turn abusive later on. And women are just as capable of physically hurting someone as a man is.

IMO, it isn't so much about growing a pair (thanks, but I'll pass on that suggestion ) but rather having some self-respect.

[jumbo]

I would definitely give it a try.....

[mmushr00m]

Just tell her you would but for her temper and jealousy and how she responds.

Whats the worse that could happen? She blows up. Thats when you say..."see my point".

Just make sure you dont accidentaly fall off any balconies

[teacup]

Narr…..I would say……make a mad dash!!!

Because of these……

Her history:

-had 2-3 farang BFs who split on her after 3-6 months

-Her unreal Temper…..

-Always finds something to fight about…..

-spewing sometimes vulgar/ abusive language towards me, which can last up to 5-12 hrs at a time

-Super jealous

-very arrogant, thinking she is always right……

Well…..TOO MANY stink personalities and bad attitude overall - not to mention, there is no trust in the relationship on her part toward YOU at all. How can even think about the word “marriage” seriously at this point, is beyond me

Talk to her first of your concerns. If she’s not ready to change her uncontrollable and abusive attitudes, then dump her…..and RUN RUN RUN,… don’t ever look back.

Life is too short to put up with all the CRAPS!!!

And there are plenty of girls out there who will make U a good wifely materials - U just have to be smarter next time in choosing.

TC

[CarlBkk]

She's becoming insecure due to her age and wants stability. You won't get stability if she's already hot-tempered and jealous before marriage believe me. "Great sex" just isn't enough to keep hold of something - we've all been there.

Get a younger, calmer, educated, career-minded Bangkok girl. Plenty out there who are good at sex too, without the issues (I'll probably get shot for saying it).

However, expect the same marriage requests from 90% of girls as they approach 30 or if you've been together for 2+ years. After all, femininity still comes with some traditions.

[bkkjames]

After two pages of this, there seems to be a consensus. Dump the biat*h.

[CarlBkk]

After two pages of this, there seems to be a consensus. Dump the biat*h.

Yes James, but not before posting her pic and number. We're all jealous of the stunning beauty and great sex.

Seems like the girl is good for a gig but not a gf.