The Off Topic Thread

[BIGTOE3]

thithi thinks MEN should watch Teeth - the movie

You don't need teeth to eat cake

BT

[BIGTOE3]

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch

together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?'

Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'

The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'.

Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'

Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'

Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.

Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and

some cookies.

Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie ?'

The boy ask, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'

Gramps replies, 'hel_l yes, my pecker can touch my ass'.

The little boy replies, 'Then go fuc_k yourself'. Grandma made these

for me'.

and NO CAKE IN SIGHT

bt

[RakJungTorlae]

I just found out the wall is my best friend. Reasons will be giving at a later date.

[BIGTOE3]

I just found out the wall is my best friend. Reasons will be giving at a later date.

Is it because it held you UP so long...?

BT

[Sarge]

a clean house is a sure sign of ........... a broken computer

[BIGTOE3]



Two Choices

What would you do?.....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one.. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.. After extolling the school and its

dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued... 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball... Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.'

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:

1. Delete

2. Forward

May your day, be a Shay Day.

[thithi]

cake cake cake oooooh lal laaaa~

[BIGTOE3]

cake cake cake oooooh lal laaaa~

So you say BUT proof in the pudding !!!!!

BT

[Sarge]

overeating cakes makes women prone to cellulite on the bum

[mmushr00m]

isnt it weird when you realise how old friends and family think of you?

Just recieved emails from friends regarding the situation in BKK.

Seems everyone feels or thinks that I was somehow involved in the entire situation. Everyone, my family, my friends and their family, acquaintances!!!!. Parents of a friend back home even thought they saw me on TV!!!

Do some crazy things in your younger days and ppl will think you're still running around creating mayhem.

[chavy]

isnt it weird when you realise how old friends and family think of you?

Just recieved emails from friends regarding the situation in BKK.

Seems everyone feels or thinks that I was somehow involved in the entire situation. Everyone, my family, my friends and their family, acquaintances!!!!. Parents of a friend back home even thought they saw me on TV!!!

Do some crazy things in your younger days and ppl will think you're still running around creating mayhem.

Exactly !! my lot are amazed I'm still walking ?? Somehow I've managed to escape a masacre of biblical proportions.....yet I live about 200 km's from BKK

[BIGTOE3]

isnt it weird when you realise how old friends and family think of you?

Just recieved emails from friends regarding the situation in BKK.

Seems everyone feels or thinks that I was somehow involved in the entire situation. Everyone, my family, my friends and their family, acquaintances!!!!. Parents of a friend back home even thought they saw me on TV!!!

Do some crazy things in your younger days and ppl will think you're still running around creating mayhem.

Exactly !! my lot are amazed I'm still walking ?? Somehow I've managed to escape a masacre of biblical proportions.....yet I live about 200 km's from BKK

But you would SLEEP through it anyway.

Are you coming tonext footy night?

BT

[chavy]

isnt it weird when you realise how old friends and family think of you?

Just recieved emails from friends regarding the situation in BKK.

Seems everyone feels or thinks that I was somehow involved in the entire situation. Everyone, my family, my friends and their family, acquaintances!!!!. Parents of a friend back home even thought they saw me on TV!!!

Do some crazy things in your younger days and ppl will think you're still running around creating mayhem.

Exactly !! my lot are amazed I'm still walking ?? Somehow I've managed to escape a masacre of biblical proportions.....yet I live about 200 km's from BKK

But you would SLEEP through it anyway.

Are you coming tonext footy night?

BT

I am if it's the 14th BT

[AlexLah]

Nice story BT.

That is how it should be.

But in the "real" world at least in the majority of places it is all for themselves.

Unless you go upcountry, where people are really friendly and are not too much influenced by capitalism/materialism.

There are lot's of people that would not even let Shay hit the ball in the first place and feel bad about it.

So if I forward that story to those kind of people they would read it and halfway down just delete it.

Google: Cooperate Psychopath and see if you can recognise some.

[Sarge]

a sonnet for the unwashed brigade

When the Doc delivered me he stared down at my Mum,

She braced herself, she knew that it meant trouble;

He handed her the baby, shook his head and walked away,

She looked at me and instantly saw double

I can take a great big sniff and smell for seven miles,

Every drop of perfume, every drain;

I can pick a rotten apple from a dozen yards,

Luckily I’ve never done cocaine

[Seapok]

a sonnet for the unwashed brigade

When the Doc delivered me he stared down at my Mum,

She braced herself, she knew that it meant trouble;

He handed her the baby, shook his head and walked away,

She looked at me and instantly saw double

I can take a great big sniff and smell for seven miles,

Every drop of perfume, every drain;

I can pick a rotten apple from a dozen yards,

Luckily I’ve never done cocaine

This isn't a Sonnet Sarge!, a Sonnet has to have 14 lines of text...

[Sarge]

it has been washed and shrank in the tumble dryer

[thithi]

hey, can't you guy make yr posts shorter then i will tempt to read?

for example : "cake cake cake thithi wants to have some cake."

[AlexLah]

You say: Cake

I say:

Sa Take

Edited December 5, 2008 by AlexLah

[Sarge]

for you chocs lovers - Ways to hide your chocolate obsession:

Only eat during sex. Your groans of pleasure will be mistaken for sexual ecstasy. Eat your chocolate hidden in a hamburger so no-one notices.

Leave fruit and vegetables scattered around the kitchen so people think you eat normal foods. Re-label all your chocolate bars with soap labels.

[BIGTOE3]

for you chocs lovers - Ways to hide your chocolate obsession:

Only eat during sex. Your groans of pleasure will be mistaken for sexual ecstasy. Eat your chocolate hidden in a hamburger so no-one notices.

Leave fruit and vegetables scattered around the kitchen so people think you eat normal foods. Re-label all your chocolate bars with soap labels.

NO NO ONLY EAT CAKE...............

[Sarge]

whaddaya phink?

[BIGTOE3]

whaddaya phink?

GO TO BED AND HAVE A CAKE..........

BT

[Sarge]

BT or is it British Telecom? If I were you, then you'd be me, but to me you would be you and I would be me

[thithi]

hahahaah ....... called me Evil

but but

what's wrong wif CAKE? grrr

[AlexLah]

Nothing wrong with cake.

But you should look at food that give you power.....

Steak comes to mind....

Edited December 6, 2008 by AlexLah

[thithi]

.......... not plara again...

ew what's that?

Edited December 6, 2008 by thithi

[AlexLah]

You choose,

Cake or meat.

Who will survive?

[Sarge]

Who will survive?

the fittest of the bunch, natural selection at work here .....

can you run 100m under 10 minutes?

[tijnebijn]

what a muppet .....