Thai Wife Has Lesbian Tendencies

[UTCobbly]

I have recently discovered that my thai wife is in relationships with two other women. When I met her I was aware that she had a relationship with a woman, and after a jealous showdown when the other lady threatened us with a kitchen knife, I was told by my then girlfriend that it was all over.

There the matter stood until the last few months. My now wife was disappearing many afternoons, telling me she is seeing friends. Then in last few weeks she was going out late at night quite frequently and returning at dawn. She thought I was sleeping, and once or twice when she wasn't there in the morning she said she had gone to the market. Well I made certain checks such as recording kms on the bike and car. She was making up lies, such as going back to her village (50kms return) when only 20 kms recorded on the clock. The returned original lady works in massage and finishes work at 1am, that is when they have been meeting.

Last week I had it out with her in a quiet controlled way. After a lot of tears she admitted that she has been seeing another woman for months and sleeping with her. Within the last 2 months the original lover has come back to our city, after a long spell working in the south, and their affair has re-ignited. She says she still loves me and has been feeling very guilty about it all. She looks after me and her two kids well, and we have a good life together, and there nothing wrong with the sex side of our lives either.

I have told her that I am angry about the lying, but if that is what she wants and needs, then I can live with it. I've said I don't mind her going out one or two nights a week if that is what she wants, she is very happy with this. I suggested she bring the lady here and we make a three! She said she would like that but she thinks the other would be too shy; the prospect quite excites me!

My wife is in all other respects a good person, she is the least materialistic lady I've known, a hard worker and thought of as lovely by all who meet her. I do love her, and she says she does love me very much. Since we had it out, our relationship is better than it has ever been.

Has anyone out there had a similar experience as this, it would be good to share together.

[mc2]

I have recently discovered that my thai wife is in relationships with two other women. When I met her I was aware that she had a relationship with a woman, and after a jealous showdown when the other lady threatened us with a kitchen knife, I was told by my then girlfriend that it was all over.

There the matter stood until the last few months. My now wife was disappearing many afternoons, telling me she is seeing friends. Then in last few weeks she was going out late at night quite frequently and returning at dawn. She thought I was sleeping, and once or twice when she wasn't there in the morning she said she had gone to the market. Well I made certain checks such as recording kms on the bike and car. She was making up lies, such as going back to her village (50kms return) when only 20 kms recorded on the clock. The returned original lady works in massage and finishes work at 1am, that is when they have been meeting.

Last week I had it out with her in a quiet controlled way. After a lot of tears she admitted that she has been seeing another woman for months and sleeping with her. Within the last 2 months the original lover has come back to our city, after a long spell working in the south, and their affair has re-ignited. She says she still loves me and has been feeling very guilty about it all. She looks after me and her two kids well, and we have a good life together, and there nothing wrong with the sex side of our lives either.

I have told her that I am angry about the lying, but if that is what she wants and needs, then I can live with it. I've said I don't mind her going out one or two nights a week if that is what she wants, she is very happy with this. I suggested she bring the lady here and we make a three! She said she would like that but she thinks the other would be too shy; the prospect quite excites me!

My wife is in all other respects a good person, she is the least materialistic lady I've known, a hard worker and thought of as lovely by all who meet her. I do love her, and she says she does love me very much. Since we had it out, our relationship is better than it has ever been.

Has anyone out there had a similar experience as this, it would be good to share together.

If its possible, consider a move . Either move your family and wife away from this 3rd person, or separate from your wife.

This cheating and infidelity will most likely lead to problems of some form or another later down the track

[mikethevigoman]

I have recently discovered that my thai wife is in relationships with two other women. When I met her I was aware that she had a relationship with a woman, and after a jealous showdown when the other lady threatened us with a kitchen knife, I was told by my then girlfriend that it was all over.

There the matter stood until the last few months. My now wife was disappearing many afternoons, telling me she is seeing friends. Then in last few weeks she was going out late at night quite frequently and returning at dawn. She thought I was sleeping, and once or twice when she wasn't there in the morning she said she had gone to the market. Well I made certain checks such as recording kms on the bike and car. She was making up lies, such as going back to her village (50kms return) when only 20 kms recorded on the clock. The returned original lady works in massage and finishes work at 1am, that is when they have been meeting.

Last week I had it out with her in a quiet controlled way. After a lot of tears she admitted that she has been seeing another woman for months and sleeping with her. Within the last 2 months the original lover has come back to our city, after a long spell working in the south, and their affair has re-ignited. She says she still loves me and has been feeling very guilty about it all. She looks after me and her two kids well, and we have a good life together, and there nothing wrong with the sex side of our lives either.

I have told her that I am angry about the lying, but if that is what she wants and needs, then I can live with it. I've said I don't mind her going out one or two nights a week if that is what she wants, she is very happy with this. I suggested she bring the lady here and we make a three! She said she would like that but she thinks the other would be too shy; the prospect quite excites me!

My wife is in all other respects a good person, she is the least materialistic lady I've known, a hard worker and thought of as lovely by all who meet her. I do love her, and she says she does love me very much. Since we had it out, our relationship is better than it has ever been.

Has anyone out there had a similar experience as this, it would be good to share together.

If its possible, consider a move . Either move your family and wife away from this 3rd person, or separate from your wife.

This cheating and infidelity will most likely lead to problems of some form or another later down the track

in my experience this wont work, this will only get away from the person, not the tendancies/desire ,

[UTCobbly]

I have recently discovered that my thai wife is in relationships with two other women. When I met her I was aware that she had a relationship with a woman, and after a jealous showdown when the other lady threatened us with a kitchen knife, I was told by my then girlfriend that it was all over.

There the matter stood until the last few months. My now wife was disappearing many afternoons, telling me she is seeing friends. Then in last few weeks she was going out late at night quite frequently and returning at dawn. She thought I was sleeping, and once or twice when she wasn't there in the morning she said she had gone to the market. Well I made certain checks such as recording kms on the bike and car. She was making up lies, such as going back to her village (50kms return) when only 20 kms recorded on the clock. The returned original lady works in massage and finishes work at 1am, that is when they have been meeting.

Last week I had it out with her in a quiet controlled way. After a lot of tears she admitted that she has been seeing another woman for months and sleeping with her. Within the last 2 months the original lover has come back to our city, after a long spell working in the south, and their affair has re-ignited. She says she still loves me and has been feeling very guilty about it all. She looks after me and her two kids well, and we have a good life together, and there nothing wrong with the sex side of our lives either.

I have told her that I am angry about the lying, but if that is what she wants and needs, then I can live with it. I've said I don't mind her going out one or two nights a week if that is what she wants, she is very happy with this. I suggested she bring the lady here and we make a three! She said she would like that but she thinks the other would be too shy; the prospect quite excites me!

My wife is in all other respects a good person, she is the least materialistic lady I've known, a hard worker and thought of as lovely by all who meet her. I do love her, and she says she does love me very much. Since we had it out, our relationship is better than it has ever been.

Has anyone out there had a similar experience as this, it would be good to share together.

If its possible, consider a move . Either move your family and wife away from this 3rd person, or separate from your wife.

This cheating and infidelity will most likely lead to problems of some form or another later down the track

Thanks for your concern.

Moving away is not an option as I work here, have a long term work permit, many contacts in this town, kids are educated here and we like it here. Anyway if we did move the 3rd party might very well follow us, she has few ties.

Yes, the wife was unfaithful, but the lying was worse in my opinion, her view was that I would be very angry. I feel that if it had been a man then that would be the end, in a way a lesbian relationship is safer on the health front.

However if things deteriate in the future I might well be off!

[mc2]

I feel that if it had been a man then that would be the end, in a way a lesbian relationship is safer on the health front.

Not necessarily. If it is that time of the month for the other woman and your wife has a cut on her lip ,

Just be careful, thats all im saying.

[patklang]

she cannot be lesbian as she is having sexy with you,so dont think she is safe from std or more.this is the same as bi-sexual men as they can disease men and women,who then pass on to others.

[endure]

A number of posts have been deleted. I'll assume, for the time being, that this is a genuine thread. If it deteriorates it will be closed.

[UTCobbly]

A number of posts have been deleted. I'll assume, for the time being, that this is a genuine thread. If it deteriorates it will be closed.

Yes it is genuine, I will keep it spotless from now on. There's some sound advice being posted.

[UTCobbly]

I feel that if it had been a man then that would be the end, in a way a lesbian relationship is safer on the health front.

Not necessarily. If it is that time of the month for the other woman and your wife has a cut on her lip ,

Just be careful, thats all im saying.

Good point, thanks.

[mc2]

I feel that if it had been a man then that would be the end, in a way a lesbian relationship is safer on the health front.

Not necessarily. If it is that time of the month for the other woman and your wife has a cut on her lip ,

Just be careful, thats all im saying.

Good point, thanks.

Something else occurred to me , following on from my other post...

If your wife has cut on her finger or wrist , she will be exposing herself to similar dangers. Just keep that in mind.

[Ijustwannateach]

These worries over disease are slightly histrionic, though I would certainly recommend that OP use condoms with ANY partner that he is not 100% entirely sure is having sex with anyone else.

While I do not know OP's wife's history, I have often speculated that certain women who have been associated with certain commercial sectors might have a high incidence of lesbianism, ironically, because in one sense it allows them to avoid marriage and control their own careers, which is not an option for many rural women in Thailand.

Either way, it doesn't sound like your relationship is going very well from a 'trust' perspective. That's hard to fix.

[paulfromphuket]

These worries over disease are slightly histrionic, though I would certainly recommend that OP use condoms with ANY partner that he is not 100% entirely sure is having sex with anyone else.

While I do not know OP's wife's history, I have often speculated that certain women who have been associated with certain commercial sectors might have a high incidence of lesbianism, ironically, because in one sense it allows them to avoid marriage and control their own careers, which is not an option for many rural women in Thailand.

Either way, it doesn't sound like your relationship is going very well from a 'trust' perspective. That's hard to fix.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship end of story,if my guy was having it on the sly with a chick or another guy it would be over,simple as that and he says the same about me.

Time to face reality however much that hurts.

Or change religion and marry the lover as well.

[Scott]

Look, if the two of you are reasonably happy with this arrangement, there's no need to do anything.

If your wife is a true lesbian, the day may come when she decides she's in love with the lady and leave you, but that day may not come.

As I understand it, there are a lot of Thai women who find sexual comfort with other women (I might add there are men who do the same).

Lesbian relationships are a low risk population for STD's.

Best of luck to you and keep us posted as to how things are going.

[lannarebirth]

Trust is a big issue, which you'll have to work out for yourself. Most worrying to me, would be that there are persons (1, 2, whatever) out there that believe they hold some claim over part of what is your family. Maybe the claim will be satisfied by the sex your wife provides them, or maybe they'll bethinking they'd like some other things you have as well. Hopefully your wife wouldn't support them in those efforts, but either way some sort of crap will be coming your way eventually.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

I feel that if it had been a man then that would be the end, in a way a lesbian relationship is safer on the health front.

Not necessarily. If it is that time of the month for the other woman and your wife has a cut on her lip ,

Just be careful, thats all im saying.

Good point, thanks.

Something else occurred to me , following on from my other post...

If your wife has cut on her finger or wrist , she will be exposing herself to similar dangers. Just keep that in mind.

Either she has a very very small wrist or the other lady has a very large.......

[UTCobbly]

Look, if the two of you are reasonably happy with this arrangement, there's no need to do anything.

If your wife is a true lesbian, the day may come when she decides she's in love with the lady and leave you, but that day may not come.

As I understand it, there are a lot of Thai women who find sexual comfort with other women (I might add there are men who do the same).

Lesbian relationships are a low risk population for STD's.

Best of luck to you and keep us posted as to how things are going.

Thanks Scott for this encouraging post.

[ourmaninbangers]

These worries over disease are slightly histrionic, though I would certainly recommend that OP use condoms with ANY partner that he is not 100% entirely sure is having sex with anyone else.

While I do not know OP's wife's history, I have often speculated that certain women who have been associated with certain commercial sectors might have a high incidence of lesbianism, ironically, because in one sense it allows them to avoid marriage and control their own careers, which is not an option for many rural women in Thailand.

Either way, it doesn't sound like your relationship is going very well from a 'trust' perspective. That's hard to fix.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship end of story,if my guy was having it on the sly with a chick or another guy it would be over,simple as that and he says the same about me.

Time to face reality however much that hurts.

Or change religion and marry the lover as well.

and that reality , and I hope people will face this( however much it hurts) some say ,sadly ,dictates that it is unnatural for men to remain faithful to 1 lady for life

read maslow,

and by the way, 90% plus of my boyfriends friends have had a little on the side- I would say that accurate for the whole world-however much we ay like to delude ourselves

time we understood that and understood sex and love are too different things ,

that convention relationship are build on this facade of true, everlasting love which most ladys seem to think mean that their man will not lust after women( girls- that has, and will never happen)and not get so distressed when our guys have a little bit on the side- the gals can too-

it can actually help a relationship according to one german expert I happen to agree with

why not join your wife when she has some fun, you might too!

seriously I hope all goes well with you

[paulfromphuket]

These worries over disease are slightly histrionic, though I would certainly recommend that OP use condoms with ANY partner that he is not 100% entirely sure is having sex with anyone else.

While I do not know OP's wife's history, I have often speculated that certain women who have been associated with certain commercial sectors might have a high incidence of lesbianism, ironically, because in one sense it allows them to avoid marriage and control their own careers, which is not an option for many rural women in Thailand.

Either way, it doesn't sound like your relationship is going very well from a 'trust' perspective. That's hard to fix.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship end of story,if my guy was having it on the sly with a chick or another guy it would be over,simple as that and he says the same about me.

Time to face reality however much that hurts.

Or change religion and marry the lover as well.

and that reality , and I hope people will face this( however much it hurts) some say ,sadly ,dictates that it is unnatural for men to remain faithful to 1 lady for life

read maslow,

and by the way, 90% plus of my boyfriends friends have had a little on the side- I would say that accurate for the whole world-however much we ay like to delude ourselves

time we understood that and understood sex and love are too different things ,

that convention relationship are build on this facade of true, everlasting love which most ladys seem to think mean that their man will not lust after women( girls- that has, and will never happen)and not get so distressed when our guys have a little bit on the side- the gals can too-

it can actually help a relationship according to one German expert I happen to agree with

why not join your wife when she has some fun, you might too!

seriously I hope all goes well with you

90% of your boy friends, how many do you have?

10% wanted a monogamous relationship and i guessed you blew them out for been boring

And I guess they are the ones you miss the most now.

you either shag about our you don't, up 2 u ,but don't imagine the rest of us have your morales.

German expert! explain your self.

[PeaceBlondie]

The original poster states he has a serious problem with his wife, and we can stay focused on that without other posters swinging their handbags.

[paulfromphuket]

The original poster states he has a serious problem with his wife, and we can stay focused on that without other posters swinging their handbags.

I understand the op problems been there done that and he has some demons to exorcise we don't need any experts from any where

[girlx]

it sounds to me like your wife is bisexual. if you are ok with her occasionally gratifying that physical need, it is probably no real threat to your relationship as long as she is careful to avoid diseases. however, the fact that she went behind your back and lied to you more than once is a real problem, and it is up to you whether or not you give her another chance, now that it is all out in the open.

as for the threesome thing, i kind of doubt your wife's girlfriend would be into it. also there is a huge misconception that bisexual people have overactive sex drives and will sleep with anyone of either sex, when in reality they are just as discriminating as most straight people.

[PeaceBlondie]

Congratulations to girlx for one of her best posts yet.

[GayGordon]

I think a lot of people are missing the main problem, trust, she has been unfaithful as i see it, thats dishonesty also,.it dosent matter whether its with a man or a woman,.i think you need to talk to her, ask her if she prefers women to you,.be prepared, but even if she wants to share herself amongst women and you im afraid its a slippery slope to you being abused emotionally,.good luck, Gordon

[donna]

infidelity is still infidelity whether the other partner is same sex or not.

i agree with girlx and if you would say that your wife is bisexual. nothing wrong with that. but i dont see why people assume that the 'other woman' would necessarily want to be part of a threesome.

one does have to ask the question: if she cheated with a man, how would you feel? is the betrayal on the same level or would you end the marriage? would you allow her to see another man a couple of times a week?

(playing devils advocate here)

[Lopburi99]

I think a lot of people are missing the main problem, trust, she has been unfaithful as i see it, thats dishonesty also,.it dosent matter whether its with a man or a woman,..

I agree. It depends on the person but for me I can't stand nor accept dishonesty. You never know when you're being told the damned truth or not. What a basis for a relationship, or for a way to live.

[endure]

Several off topic posts have been deleted. Stick to the topic please.

[UTCobbly]

infidelity is still infidelity whether the other partner is same sex or not.

i agree with girlx and if you would say that your wife is bisexual. nothing wrong with that. but i dont see why people assume that the 'other woman' would necessarily want to be part of a threesome.

one does have to ask the question: if she cheated with a man, how would you feel? is the betrayal on the same level or would you end the marriage? would you allow her to see another man a couple of times a week?

(playing devils advocate here)

Thank you all for some very helpful and thoughtful posts.

My wife lied for what she thought was the good reason that I would be angry if I knew of the other relationships. I am a tolerant person and feel no bad feelings to people with other sexual persuasions, I am straight but have always been rather curious as to what goes on in other beds! in fact I have a dam_n good idea. I knew she had previously had had a relationship with one of the women and she tells me it had been going on for some years, she had an Australian boyfriend previous to me, and he was not aware of it.

I do realize that the 3rd party will not want to take part in a threesome, the American lady friend, who I have confided in, thinks that fantacising about it would probable be more fun than the real thing.

I have learnt from the posts, firstly that my wife is not lesbian but bi-sexual. Also that there could be dangers of STDs from her liaisons; I'll have to talk to her about this.

My main concern is the lying. I can live with the situation of her seeing these women as a realise she has to do her own thing, and be herself. We still love each other but if I find her lying again my attitude will change, I really hope this will not happen.

To be honest if were other men, then no no no!

I assume that most of you posting here are gay. I find that gay folk are usually understanding folk too. Thanks

[endure]

As the OP appears to have answers to his questions the thread is now closed.