Finding A Nice Intelligent Thai Girl To Marry

[Khutan]

Again, my advice, learn some Thai, Learn culture, and learn to be patient.

I met my wife by chance, in a shop. She didn't like me and I didn't like her all that much. Of course now we are very happy.

In my opinion, you have to learn Thai, learn about Thai culture and BE PATIENT, and never talk loudly.

[sriracha john]

Bird Brian??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah... you know him, Dave.... He's the brother of Cheetah Charlie.

[Human_Traffic]

Bird Brian??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah... you know him, Dave.... He's the brother of Cheetah Charlie.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

All the decent Thai birds have gone overseas haven't they?

[No beleeeeve!]

My two cents about this topic...

One of the biggest differences is that Westerners and Easterners have fundamentally different cognitive schema about life. This is taught to each group through their cultural upbringing. I mentioned in another post about how dating across these two cultures is like a hamster dating a goldfish. They see life through completely different eyes and even the most basic of thoughts are different in many ways.

Neither better or worse, just different. In the West, we value truth and honesty and that is the foundation of good social interactions. Quite the opposite in the East (more so in Thailand) where they value saving face for oneself and family. Those two are almost polar opposites. This can lead to many problems in these relationships right from the start, like building a solid house on quicksand.

These are generalizations, and yes, they can be made. Generalizations are EXACTLY what is made in the study of human behavior. Study 100 people and if 98 of them follow similar behavior patterns, we say it is a significant trend. We don't say that the other 2 negate the 98. Otherwise known as using the exception to disprove the rule, but falsely stating so.

So, you can generalize that there are fundamental differences between Eastern and Western women. To say that they are all the same is to deny the influence of culture, again, wrongfully so.

How about this...would you like to look for a mate where 70% of the women are a match for what you are looking for or where 2% of the women are a good match for you? (Different countries, these two do not add to 100)

Yes, exceptions exist in both arenas, but the percentages are not the same.

BTW, my soon to be bride is Chinese (from China and still living there) and we had many discussions about "saving face." I told her I do not believe in it and she said she doesn't either, but is trying to "get it out of her system" because that is how she was raised (culture again). Before her, I dated a Chinese girl born in and raised in Chang Mai (100% Chinese by race, Thai by citizenship only) and I even noticed how different she is than my current SO.

None of these statements are judgements as I did not apply a value to them overall. I only refer to them as what is a good match for each person involved.

All of this is only to understand that there are hurdles, more so than in a same culture relationship. To really be successful in a Thai relationship, a Westerner has to immerse in the culture as others have mentioned here. Live like a Thai, learn the language, history, and overall the cognitive process that the culture raises their people on. Learn about the education system and methods that people were educated with, go to festivals, etc.

It is doable, but takes concentrated effort and certainly cannot be done coming to BKK for holiday every three months.

Only after one masters the way people think in Thailand should one expect to have a deep, involved fulfilling relationship. Also, assume that your Thai g/f will not be as motivated to learn about the Western ways, that is how they are raised.

After all of that, yes, stay far away from bars!!! I cannot emphasize what others have said about that already. I did meet my first g/f on a website there, but you have to watch out there too as many are just Internet versions of the go go bars. My ex was a VP of a large Chinese business, university degree, and very attractive so they can be found there. In the end I had to bail because her cultural influence and mine were not a good match.

What I have noticed over the years of the few successful West/Thai relationships is that the Thai women were not quite "typically Thai." I just got an email from an English friend who stated this very same thing. He said she isn't obsessed with her family, doesn't want to stay in Thailand, and hates Thaksin (the last one is the best sign of all!).

So, take this for what it's worth.....yes, all relationships are effort but these take specialized efforts to make them work.

Sorry, no great ideas of where to pick up these type of women. But I read here many places not to go.

Good luck!!!

[Just talk]

I am a single professional who has been married before, but I have never had any children. I have been to Thailand 4 times in the last 8 months. Just looking for some suggestions as to how to meet that one special Thai lady with whom I will raise a family.  Not to generalize, but the Thai people I have met are so warm, I would be proud to call them family.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you ask this question 2 years ago i'd be interested

[venturalaw]

My two cents about this topic...

One of the biggest differences is that Westerners and Easterners have fundamentally different cognitive schema about life.  This is taught to each group through their cultural upbringing.  I mentioned in another post about how dating across these two cultures is like a hamster dating a goldfish.  They see life through completely different eyes and even the most basic of thoughts are different in many ways.

Neither better or worse, just different.  In the West, we value truth and honesty and that is the foundation of good social interactions.  Quite the opposite in the East (more so in Thailand) where they value saving face for oneself and family.  Those two are almost polar opposites.  This can lead to many problems in these relationships right from the start, like building a solid house on quicksand.

These are generalizations, and yes, they can be made.  Generalizations are EXACTLY what is made in the study of human behavior.  Study 100 people and if 98 of them follow similar behavior patterns, we say it is a significant trend.  We don't say that the other 2 negate the 98.  Otherwise known as using the exception to disprove the rule, but falsely stating so.

So, you can generalize that there are fundamental differences between Eastern and Western women.  To say that they are all the same is to deny the influence of culture, again, wrongfully so. 

How about this...would you like to look for a mate where 70% of the women are a match for what you are looking for or where 2% of the women are a good match for you? (Different countries, these two do not add to 100)

Yes, exceptions exist in both arenas, but the percentages are not the same.

BTW, my soon to be bride is Chinese (from China and still living there) and we had many discussions about "saving face."  I told her I do not believe in it and she said she doesn't either, but is trying to "get it out of her system" because that is how she was raised (culture again).  Before her, I dated a Chinese girl born in and raised in Chang Mai (100% Chinese by race, Thai by citizenship only) and I even noticed how different she is than my current SO. 

None of these statements are judgements as I did not apply a value to them overall.  I only refer to them as what is a good match for each person involved.

All of this is only to understand that there are hurdles, more so than in a same culture relationship.  To really be successful in a Thai relationship, a Westerner has to immerse in the culture as others have mentioned here.  Live like a Thai, learn the language, history, and overall the cognitive process that the culture raises their people on.  Learn about the education system and methods that people were educated with, go to festivals, etc.

It is doable, but takes concentrated effort and certainly cannot be done coming to BKK for holiday every three months. 

Only after one masters the way people think in Thailand should one expect to have a deep, involved fulfilling relationship.  Also, assume that your Thai g/f will not be as motivated to learn about the Western ways, that is how they are raised.

After all of that, yes, stay far away from bars!!!  I cannot emphasize what others have said about that already.  I did meet my first g/f on a website there, but you have to watch out there too as many are just Internet versions of the go go bars.  My ex was a VP of a large Chinese business, university degree, and very attractive so they can be found there.  In the end I had to bail because her cultural influence and mine were not a good match. 

What I have noticed over the years of the few successful West/Thai relationships is that the Thai women were not quite "typically Thai."  I just got an email from an English friend who stated this very same thing.  He said she isn't obsessed with her family, doesn't want to stay in Thailand, and hates Thaksin (the last one is the best sign of all!).

So, take this for what it's worth.....yes, all relationships are effort but these take specialized efforts to make them work.

Sorry, no great ideas of where to pick up these type of women.  But I read here many places not to go.

Good luck!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I really enjoyed reading this. From my limited experience, I agree with your conclusions re: cultural differences. I am in the process of immersing myself into Thai values. It really is different, and not to difficult to understand. Saving face is ever so present. Telling the truth does not have as much value. Interesting.

One area that you did not adress is one being faithfull to another. May I assume that one is faithfull in a monogamous relationship more often as a result of the situation that if one is caught cheating one would lose face with one's family, rather than being concerned that cheating behavior is dishonest?

Thank you for your imput.

[venturalaw]

My two cents about this topic...

One of the biggest differences is that Westerners and Easterners have fundamentally different cognitive schema about life.  This is taught to each group through their cultural upbringing.  I mentioned in another post about how dating across these two cultures is like a hamster dating a goldfish.  They see life through completely different eyes and even the most basic of thoughts are different in many ways.

Neither better or worse, just different.  In the West, we value truth and honesty and that is the foundation of good social interactions.  Quite the opposite in the East (more so in Thailand) where they value saving face for oneself and family.  Those two are almost polar opposites.  This can lead to many problems in these relationships right from the start, like building a solid house on quicksand.

These are generalizations, and yes, they can be made.  Generalizations are EXACTLY what is made in the study of human behavior.  Study 100 people and if 98 of them follow similar behavior patterns, we say it is a significant trend.  We don't say that the other 2 negate the 98.  Otherwise known as using the exception to disprove the rule, but falsely stating so.

So, you can generalize that there are fundamental differences between Eastern and Western women.  To say that they are all the same is to deny the influence of culture, again, wrongfully so. 

How about this...would you like to look for a mate where 70% of the women are a match for what you are looking for or where 2% of the women are a good match for you? (Different countries, these two do not add to 100)

Yes, exceptions exist in both arenas, but the percentages are not the same.

BTW, my soon to be bride is Chinese (from China and still living there) and we had many discussions about "saving face."  I told her I do not believe in it and she said she doesn't either, but is trying to "get it out of her system" because that is how she was raised (culture again).  Before her, I dated a Chinese girl born in and raised in Chang Mai (100% Chinese by race, Thai by citizenship only) and I even noticed how different she is than my current SO. 

None of these statements are judgements as I did not apply a value to them overall.  I only refer to them as what is a good match for each person involved.

All of this is only to understand that there are hurdles, more so than in a same culture relationship.  To really be successful in a Thai relationship, a Westerner has to immerse in the culture as others have mentioned here.  Live like a Thai, learn the language, history, and overall the cognitive process that the culture raises their people on.  Learn about the education system and methods that people were educated with, go to festivals, etc.

It is doable, but takes concentrated effort and certainly cannot be done coming to BKK for holiday every three months. 

Only after one masters the way people think in Thailand should one expect to have a deep, involved fulfilling relationship.  Also, assume that your Thai g/f will not be as motivated to learn about the Western ways, that is how they are raised.

After all of that, yes, stay far away from bars!!!  I cannot emphasize what others have said about that already.  I did meet my first g/f on a website there, but you have to watch out there too as many are just Internet versions of the go go bars.  My ex was a VP of a large Chinese business, university degree, and very attractive so they can be found there.  In the end I had to bail because her cultural influence and mine were not a good match. 

What I have noticed over the years of the few successful West/Thai relationships is that the Thai women were not quite "typically Thai."  I just got an email from an English friend who stated this very same thing.  He said she isn't obsessed with her family, doesn't want to stay in Thailand, and hates Thaksin (the last one is the best sign of all!).

So, take this for what it's worth.....yes, all relationships are effort but these take specialized efforts to make them work.

Sorry, no great ideas of where to pick up these type of women.  But I read here many places not to go.

Good luck!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well written, but written from your 'own' point of view.

When marrying somebody from a different walk of life, it can be just as difficult within one's own culture, as it is with somebody from a different culture. For example the working class Englishman marrying into an upper class family etc. etc.

As much depends on the 'man' who is looking for a Thai wife, as the Thai woman herself. Some men are extremely adaptable and some men are not. Some are confident and some are not. Some are worldly and some are not. Some men are smart and some are not, some men are rich and some are not. ad infinitum.

The thing to aknowledge is that we are all different... all of us... even within our own cultures. We can say that a Thai female wanting to marry a farang is already different from the 'norm'. And a man seeking a Thai wife is different from the 'norm'.

I do not think it 'imperative' that 'either' needs to learn the other's culture and history to make a good match. All depends on the individuals themselves.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ravisher, I do believe that to be adaptable to the differences in behavior, one must understand the how and why. Therefore, it seems imperative to learn the way the other reasons.