Funds To The Familly?

[Maizefarmer]

Been with my better half for 5 years or so, herself and her family have never asked for anything other than their daughter be happy. She stopped working to be a stay at home mum to our son. When her old folks bought a new pickup I offered to pay the monthly payments. Think its 7 bags of sand a month.

Why do some posters go out of their way point out that there motorbike , car or whatever is still in their name - and they never pay a penny towards this and that. Sin sods - whats sin sods....... etc...... To me it sounds a little insecure..?

I would not buy a g/f in the UK a motorbike and simply give it to her.

Neither would I go and buy myself a wife in the UK.

I would not sign over my house to one either.

So why would I want to do so here????

Pay sin sot? Why? You give a lady sin sot today and marry her, she can leave tomorrow with all that gold and cash in her pocket as there is no law to prevent her from doing so. No legal contract is entered into. You do not have a legal document to say to a Judge, ' Hey, I bought that woman only yesterday and I want my money back.'

Used to be that an engagement to a lady in the Uk was a binding agreement and one could sure if the other walked away.

They would laugh at you here if you asked for your 100,00 / 250,000 Baht sin sot back.

For me, as long as she is my g/f she gets to use the m/c as and when she pleases, but she cannot just walk away and keep it.

Later if we are still together, then I will hand over the documents. But until I am certain she is not pulling a fast one, or over the longer term, the m/c stays in my name.

You want to give your hard earned money away? Up to you

Well said ............. it beggers belief the amount of ex-pats in Thailand/who come to Thailand, and find themselves thinking/understanding this whole "financial support" thing in the norm.

It is not the norm, and the circumstances in which one does provide support (ongoing, on occassion or otherwise) should really be considered in much the same circumstances as you would consider such a request back home in the West. i.e. would you make similar financial committments to a girlfriend (or her immediate family) back home (in the West) after a similar period of time together?

If the answer is "no" there, then chances are "no" is the appropriate response in Thailand as well.

Thai's are human just like Westerners - they know just as well as Westerners when such requests are appropriate.

Of course every instance has its own merits, but I think G54 sums it up quite well - if its not something you think appropriate and wouldn't be committing to back home, then why do it here .........

Edited January 9, 2009 by Maizefarmer

[thaimate]

since first starting this thread,a funny thing happened ,my sister in law who lives in Britain has married her thai fiancee who also lives in Britain ,he is paying sin sod to her mum (something i as a westerner never did) he isnt rich by any means ,but it only goes to show that even better off Thais pay sometimes.

i tried to talk him out of it on the phone but he insisted ,that it was right. i know her mum will only give it away to the familly(especially the two boys who although great lads,unlike their sisters who went to uni and have good jobs ,are a waste of space finnancially.

[manjara]

All money we earn goes into a combined account and she can take out what ever she likes. Up to her if she want to support her family with small things.

Similar for me, although now I/we pay a small amount every month to my wife's sister, who 'manages' it for the family in her home town. It pays the electric, phone, internet any medical expenses and other basic stuff. We have also bought 2 MCs and a pick-up for the family. Now they lend money to others in the village and get interest every month. As farmers in the north, they only get a couple of thousand baht a month income, so anything we give is a huge benefit to them and doesn't affect us very much.

My wife's family are a very minor part of our expenditure, and the main problem we have is that my wife has not yet understood the concept of 'budget'!

[Martian]

I payed Sin Sod, that was used to pay the wedding expenses. I also give a small stipend to my wife/wife's parents as our contribution to their well being. I would do the same for my parents at home if they needed it, but they don't. I have also paid for two sisters to finish college and offered to pay for anyone's tuition in the family...who wishes to go to school but.....if they don't complete their education then they are required to immediately pay back all the monies I provided for their education. If they finish and get their diploma/degree...no debt to me. I won't allow people to waste my money....only I can do that!

I am neither proud nor embarrassed that I help my Thai side of the family. It is just something I do because it is the kind of person I am and I only ask that it is appreciated and I am thanked from time to time.

When my Farang wife left me 17 years ago for a younger man, all my financial problems went with her. My Thai wife knew the money rules from the beginning and if she couldn't live with such an arrangement I told her not to marry me. Some other subjects were put in the same context and there have never been any problems whatsoever with any of those subjects as it was put very clearly and bluntly from before the marriage.

Happily married (not without its challenges) to a Thai lady for 8 years and looking forward to many, many more!

Regards

Edited January 10, 2009 by Martian

[rahni]

I never paid sin sot, and my wife and I have borrowed money from her dad many times

That YOU John ?!!

[GungaDin]

I never paid sin sot, and my wife and I have borrowed money from her dad many times

That YOU John ?!!

:D NO!

[Gary A]

It took me ten years of living in Thailand to find a good Thai wife. I went through bar girls, farm girls who had never stepped foot in a bar to management type factory workers. What I finally decided that I needed was a mature independent thinking self sufficient woman. Immature jealous clinging vine types became irritating very quickly.

That said, asking support for her family says a lot about your wife. Age is also a factor. My wife is close to her family like most Thai women. Her mother and father raised a family farming a ten rai farm. They still live off that ten rai. The children all get together to plant and harvest that rice. Most villages in our area have a type of insurance policy. Funerals are expensive and this insurance pays for the funeral. My wife pays for that insurance. The children also contribute to their parents cost of living. I think my wife's share is 1,000 baht per month. She pays the insurance and the 1,000 baht out of her own money. I had asked my wife to hire workers to plant and harvest rice but she says it is her duty to do it herself. Not all Thai women look at their farang husband as a walking ATM.

[wamberal]

My wife has two unmarried younger sisters who live with her parents south of Bangkok. One of the sisters has a small business exporting jewellery. We have helped them buy a new house, and we also top up their income periodically. No problem.

I am happy to support my wife's family, as I also give financial support to one of my sisters in Australia, who is divorced and struggles to survive on an invalid pension.

Incidentally, my wife's father and mother are both Thai-Chinese - for what that is worth. Both have one Thai and one Chinese parent. Doesn't seem to have translated into any kind of financial success, although all the daughters went to either university or college, and two of them found employment in the multi-national company for which my wife's father worked for many years.

Given that there is no social security in Thailand, I fail to see how anybody could refuse to help one's wife's family, if they need help.

[robblok]

I never payed a thing (except some family diners). My wife isn't Chinese Thai but just a Thai from a not so rich family. Once the family had money but her mom is real bad with money so now she has almost none.

My wife helps her parents with 1 or 2 thousand a month sometimes none if her work is bad. My wife shares in all costs with me i of course do pay more because i make more. Never payed a sin sod, rather spend that kind of money on my wife and take her for a nice holiday.

At first her family tried to loan money all the time, I always refused this. My wife did loan out money a few times and it is always hard to get back so now she isn't loaning out any money anymore because she got wiser. I would help if there were serious problems however, but money for cars or other stupid business schemes i just wont give.

But what others do is up to them. I just don't like all that begging for money when there are no problems. They need the money because they make bad choices. Like having 3 children and then getting one extra while your already poor. If i start bailing them out i have to bail them out all the time.

[robblok]

My wife has two unmarried younger sisters who live with her parents south of Bangkok. One of the sisters has a small business exporting jewellery. We have helped them buy a new house, and we also top up their income periodically. No problem.

I am happy to support my wife's family, as I also give financial support to one of my sisters in Australia, who is divorced and struggles to survive on an invalid pension.

Incidentally, my wife's father and mother are both Thai-Chinese - for what that is worth. Both have one Thai and one Chinese parent. Doesn't seem to have translated into any kind of financial success, although all the daughters went to either university or college, and two of them found employment in the multi-national company for which my wife's father worked for many years.

Given that there is no social security in Thailand, I fail to see how anybody could refuse to help one's wife's family, if they need help.

There is a difference between helping out when there is some real problem, or them knowing you bail them out and getting into trouble all the time.

I know for sure once i start helping more and more "problems" will arise because then they know they get bailed out. I have seen her mother do so many stupid business things that it would be stupid of me to bail her out. She would just not learn, her own husband keeps her on a tight leash because she does those kind of things.

[davyboy]

My wife is my wife.

There is no my money, her money.

Totally agree, it's our money!!

[robblok]

My wife is my wife.

There is no my money, her money.

Totally agree, it's our money!!

I might be from a different generation but where i come from a lot married ppl have their own money. They pay for the household together and the money that is left is their own. I have seen it many times and it works well.

Example household costs 21.000 bath

Income 1 40.000

income 2 20.000

Person one pays 14.000

and person two pays 7.000

So the rest they have left is their own to do with as they please. That is the way i do it, its done a lot where i come from with the younger generation.

I think its great she wont look at me when i buy something expensive for fishing or a computer and if she pays a lot for clothes i wont blink my eyes. Never fights about money.

But to each his / her own.

[Maigo6]

I put a few windows in their house and shelled out for an old car too.

[misterman21]

Better question might be - how many ferangs think they aren't paying for their inlaws little extras up in Isan

[robblok]

I put a few windows in their house and shelled out for an old car too.

*LOL* and im sure it was just peanuts for you

[tmd5855]

Jeezz, quite a lot of ............. Hhmmnn moralistic high ground being taken here with some comments.

The art of looking down ones nose is alive and kicking.

I pay my GF a sum of money every month, if I did not,,,,,,,,,,, then who would pay the bills when I am offshore?

Forced, pressurised by me to give up her job owing to shift work and not always being there/available for me?

With christian fairness, it was only fair that I should replace that money lost. Always spend one week at her parents every leave. Free lodging, meals, laundry etc comes to the extortionate sum of 3000bt a visit.

Being keen on DIY, replaced their lethal wiring. Fitted a pressurised water system. Then after a good harvest, their toilet had a "make over", european toilet was fitted , that stopped the creak of stretched tendons.

Before all this. . . . . . Ex wife of 20yrs in the UK, kept the house (Berkshire), furnishings, cars and shares.

I kept my pension, clothes etc.

Where would I rather be now! Give you one guess

Whether it is in the West or Thailand you pay/take care of your partner/wife. Only out here it is a pittance

Edited January 10, 2009 by tmd5855

[Gary A]

Jeezz, quite a lot of ............. Hhmmnn moralistic high ground being taken here with some comments.

The art of looking down ones nose is alive and kicking.

I pay my GF a sum of money every month, if I did not,,,,,,,,,,, then who would pay the bills when I am offshore?

Forced, pressurised by me to give up her job owing to shift work and not always being there/available for me?

With christian fairness, it was only fair that I should replace that money lost. Always spend one week at her parents every leave. Free lodging, meals, laundry etc comes to the extortionate sum of 3000bt a visit.

Being keen on DIY, replaced their lethal wiring. Fitted a pressurised water system. Then after a good harvest, their toilet had a "make over", european toilet was fitted , that stopped the creak of stretched tendons.

Before all this. . . . . . Ex wife of 20yrs in the UK, kept the house (Berkshire), furnishings, cars and shares.

I kept my pension, clothes etc.

Where would I rather be now! Give you one guess

Whether it is in the West or Thailand you pay/take care of your partner/wife. Only out here it is a pittance

I didn't say anything about not supporting our household. My wife told me it costs about 20,000 baht a month. I give her 25,000. She pays for everything except big ticket items. What's left over is hers. She also normally has a few chickens and ducks. What she gets for her fowl and what she makes off her two small farms also belongs to her.

[tmd5855]

Jeezz, quite a lot of ............. Hhmmnn moralistic high ground being taken here with some comments.

The art of looking down ones nose is alive and kicking.

I pay my GF a sum of money every month, if I did not,,,,,,,,,,, then who would pay the bills when I am offshore?

Forced, pressurised by me to give up her job owing to shift work and not always being there/available for me?

With christian fairness, it was only fair that I should replace that money lost. Always spend one week at her parents every leave. Free lodging, meals, laundry etc comes to the extortionate sum of 3000bt a visit.

Being keen on DIY, replaced their lethal wiring. Fitted a pressurised water system. Then after a good harvest, their toilet had a "make over", european toilet was fitted , that stopped the creak of stretched tendons.

Before all this. . . . . . Ex wife of 20yrs in the UK, kept the house (Berkshire), furnishings, cars and shares.

I kept my pension, clothes etc.

Where would I rather be now! Give you one guess

Whether it is in the West or Thailand you pay/take care of your partner/wife. Only out here it is a pittance

I didn't say anything about not supporting our household. My wife told me it costs about 20,000 baht a month. I give her 25,000. She pays for everything except big ticket items. What's left over is hers. She also normally has a few chickens and ducks. What she gets for her fowl and what she makes off her two small farms also belongs to her.

Hi Gary A.

My posting was a general response to the various postings.

Definitely not aimed at yourself personally, apologies if it looked that way.

[yabaaaa]

I put a few windows in their house and shelled out for an old car too.

How vulgar the colour is a disgrace, no extra large exhaust or "Hello Kitty" number plate if you were my son in law I'd throw you back in the pond!!