A thai girlfriend

[Mali]

OK, I am back. Maigo6, I really appreciate your answer. It is like a breadth of fresh air to read a post from a progressive man once and a while. Thanks and keep on posting.

Thanks for the encouragement Wei. I hope some guys thought that my post was funny too. For now, I will just have to settle with women’s opinions.

I think you missed the point Butterfly. I believed they did it few days before the marriage. Yes, some of us, Thai women can wait that long or even longer.

Eastender, Unfortunately Thai women were taught that sex should happen after marriage only. Of course, not all Thai women believe that, however, if they choose to enjoy sex before marriage they would do it secretly. I would not be surprise that most of them hope to marry the men they had slept with. Thanks to the double standard of virgin men versus virgin women.  Most Thai women stay virgin till they are married. Thus, there is a role of prostitutions in Thailand. Last year while I was in Thailand, I talked with Dr. Vichan who is an AIDS specialist in Cheangmai.  He said, since most Thai women do not sleep around before marriage, Young Thai men have to use pros to release their sexual energy. When he was young, it was almost like a right of passage that young men learned about sex with the pros. Other wise there will be more rape cases in Thailand. For older Thai men to get involve with the pros is another story.

I am glad that you seem sensitive about Thai culture in terms of having sex with your young Thai girlfriend. I would not just touch her and see if she will jump into your arms or run into her house and get her big brother or her dad to beat you up. If you happen to live in a tiny town where people keep guns in their houses, it can be deadly. Some red neck Thais are very serious about protecting their sisters and daughters honor.

I am not sure that you notice that teachers in Thailand are well respected (both farang and Thai). As a teacher, I am sure that you are welcome with open arms in all households in your town. They trust that you have a higher moral ground than average people. It means they have higher expectation of you than typical farangs. Thus, if you break their trust, their hurt will be magnified. Thais consider a 38 years old male teacher to be an older man so he should know better. So, please be careful of whose young heart you are breaking. I think James Olympic’s advice is a very solid one. You may have a better luck with older women about your age, preferable divorcees. Good luck.

[mrentoul]

I would not just touch her and see if she will jump into your arms or run into her house and get her big brother or her dad to beat you up. If you happen to live in a tiny town where people keep guns in their houses, it can be deadly.

Communication is important. Ask first, then if it's OK, touch.

I live in Bangkok, so maybe I get a partial view. None of the girls I know (mainly student age) would be virgins. Not one.

They are sweet, wonderful people, but they're not putting their lives on hold until they get married.

I doubt any would run into their homes and call for Dad. I doubt Dad would run into the street with his shotgun.

You have a lively imagination, if I may say so.

[Mali]

Well, what can I say? Some guys are just luckier than others. Could you please enlighten us where a group or groups of non-virgin are gathering? When I was young, you could only find them in a brothel. I am talking about when ALL the girls are non-virgin. I hope you are not talking about the girls in Soi Cowboy, Pat Pong rd., Hou Lumpong railway station or those dark and murky restaurants and coffee shops that have more waitresses than the number of the tables. I was under the impression that Eastender was looking for a nice Thai woman and did not want to pay for the intimacy. He is also sensitive to the culture of the country where he is a guest.

I was born in Thailand and had taught in few small towns in Thailand for 2 decades. Of course, anyone can take chances to pursue one's desires. What is the point of going to visit or live in an underdeveloped country and do not take advantage of what your big money can buy? However, If you have a chance to read someThai newspapers like Thairat or Dailynews, you might find that my remarks were not so far out.

May the LUCK be with you always?

[mrentoul]

I was under the impression that Eastender was looking for a nice Thai woman and did not want to pay for the intimacy. He is also sensitive to the culture of the country where he is a guest.

Are you implying the rest of us are not? I am not talking about prostitutes either, and I imagine my young Thai friends would be upset if you were to suggest they were. They are just ordinary kids.

I was born in Thailand and had taught in few small towns in Thailand for 2 decades. Of course, anyone can take chances to pursue one's disires. What is the point of going to visit or live in an underdeveloped country and do not take advantage of what your big money can buy? However, If you have a chance to read someThai newspapers like Thairat or Dailynews, you might find that my remarks were not so far out.

I don't read about many Thai virgins in those papers. Quite the opposite, in fact.

May the LUCK be with you always?

Envy is the root (pardon the pun) of all evil. You read far to much into my post. We are just friends...they are friends of mine who are never without boyfriends. Got it?

[Mali]

I am not implied anything. As a former sciences teacher, I normally try to stay with the data I have. I just restated what Eastender has posted. As for the news, if it is a common occurrence, it will not be in the front page. Thus, you will not see Thais boosting about the virgin. By the way, I have no preference about virgin. It is not my business if one wants to be a virgin or not.

[Butterfly]

OMG !!! what century are we in ? I though we were 2003 (or is it 2546 ?)

Holding hands like 2 innocent virgins is romantic but a little bit odd and "out of fashion". Can't beat that for sure. If there must be a winner in that department, you can have it. But I think it's a little bit inhumane to force teenage girls holding on sex in 2003 when everyting else around them is moving and evolving. How do they really feel ? also people with little experience in sex or love can be a problem later in life as they will want to make up for those "missed opportunities". Women in their 20s and 30s are at their peak of sexual maturity and they certainly want to experience more if they didn't do it already.

I thought women had more "freedom" and were "liberated" even in Thailand ? or is this the only privilege of the bar girls ?

[TizMe]

I thought women had more "freedom" and were "liberated" even in Thailand ? or is this the only privilege of the bar girls ?

Many Thai women definately have not be "liberated" yet, the traditions go back many years.

I have a Thai lady friend that has been seperated from her husband for many years. He openly lives with another woman but refuses to divorce my friend. He says that if she forces the issue then he will stop any support of their 2 young children. He is blackmailing her into accepting a life of celebacy even though he does exactly as he pleases.

In her own words:"In Thailand the good lady cannot make love with the other man if she still have wedding paper."

Butterfly the women of Pattaya, Puckett and Soi Cowboy are not your "average" Thai lady.

[Butterfly]

Butterfly the women of Pattaya, Puckett and Soi Cowboy are not your "average" Thai lady.

Did I say they were ?

Your example is a good example of blackmail, not sexual "liberation". It could happen anywhere, even in a farang country.

[Mali]

Bar girls have sex to make a living. Other wise, they would not charge you to sleep with them. It might ease some guilt if you make believe that they are out there to enjoy sex with their Johns. I can't imagine that sex on demand with anyone who is willing to pay for it can be called fun or liberated. To use the word sexual liberation with bar girls is like saying freedom to work for free to the slaves in Plantations in the past.

According to some researchers in the US, it is believed that women have their sexual peak in their 30’s and men in their teens. I don’t know about Thais people since sex is a more or less taboo subject to be discussed openly. We were told that sex is fun but you can have it when you are ready. I think Thai people in general have a pretty good attitude toward sex. We certainly do not have the believes that sex is for procreation only.

If your assumption that people who did not have sex before marriage would go out to make up for those missed opportunities later, farangs in Thailand should have  field days. No more paying bar girls for sex. There shall be a lot of Thai women running amok on the street searching for more sex.  Last time when I was in Bangkok streets, I did not see anything like that.

Butterfly, you are mixing love and sex. I do not think they are the same. If it is true, those poor bar girls would have been out of work; because it is hard to believe that you can just fall in love for 20 min. or half and hour and have no connection with those girls again. Or, they would be well cared for by their johns who love them; who would want the love of their lives to have sex with other guys on demand. Well, I did hear something like “I never go to bed with a girl I did not love.”

I still remember when I was in college in Chicago. Some farang friends both male and female were so surprise that I had never been kissed at 24. They asked me if I missed having sex. I told them, how could I miss the thing I don’t know what it is. Just think about it for a moment; would you miss som tum, kai yang or laab if you have not tasted them before going to Thailand? They thought I was nut. But, they were not aware that they were using their background and American culture to evaluate  me, a Thai woman.

[Bud Zumwalt]

I think the best way to go about this is before your arrival. Obtain some email addresses of ladies in what ever area your going too, say Bangkok. Email the ones your interested in. Tell them what your looking for in a relationship, have electronic photos of yourself and let them know who you are and what you do, several may have the same career. Many will be quite honest about most any topic you give them. Most are looking for a husband, but I guess the relationship you want kind of leads that way, if all works out. Pick one who speaks some English and has a computer, all the others must have email translated at their expense, usually 50 baht per email.

[chonabot]

Hmmm , reading your other post , maybe this isn't such good advice.

[mrentoul]

They thought I was nut. But, they were not aware that they were using their background and American culture to evaluate  me, a Thai woman.  

Feel better now, do we? You're just uptight. Get out more, loosen up, let down your hair and see what happens. Or are you just too scared?

[Bud Zumwalt]

Chon..

You do not miss anything. But you made a good point, some of the ladies with Thailand photo ads, home addresses, phones or email addresses, whether you get them for free of purchase them may have made themselves available only to monestically pray upon the good intentions of foreigners coming to Thailand to meet them.

However, many are not that way. Just some nice ladies trying to make a new life, with bad prior experiences with Thai males.

The gentleman who had the long term traditional relationship with a Thai virgin, must have found the only one in Thailand, certainly a real prize, he is so fortunate. Unfortunately he must be a real bore. How could anyone be that naive and missed everything involving the reality of Thai male/female relationships within the Thai socially fore filling environment.

[Dutch Vader]

Hello everybody (and especially Mr.

Eastender).

With great interest I read the disussion on this threat. I would like to ad that for one it is very difficult, not to say almos impossible, for a "farang" to get involved in a relationship, a serious one, with anybody else than a bar girl. That is, because Thai society is far more divided in social classes than, for instance, Dutch or English society; and woman from the middle-class and up (anybody with a somewhat decent job is considered middle-class) will never dream of getting involved with a farang. They would immediately be labeled prostitute by their fellow country-woman. There is an interesting book on this topic, which I cant remember the author of right now, with many interviews in it, where Thai woman and girls are interviewed on relationships and so on. Being asked: "would you consider having a relationship with a farang" the answer is: "Are you crazy?! I am not a prostitute!"

For a real relationship it is necessary for both partners to be able to understand eachother. The differences between Thai language and, for instance, English, are so great that the language barrier alone already makes it next to impossible, to have a satisfying relationship. Add the big cultural differences, the completely different way of looking at life, differences in what is considered important in life or not, and a Thai - farang relationship (a real one, not a "lied" one) is a very difficult one. One in which "decent Thai woman" (that is: not bar girls) will not get into if they have the choice.

This does not mean that Thai woman - farang couples are not seen widely in Thailand and are very common. But one should keep in mind, that the intentions of these partners are completely different most of the time: the Thai girl or woman wants financial security (wants money), the Farang man wants love and affection. This CAN work out many times, at first thought strangely enough, but that is because the 2 partners get out of the relationship what they want, most of the time: the Thai girl DOES get financial security from her farang boyfriend, the farang man DOES get love and affection, that is, at least something that feels like it or is very close to it.

99% of the time, the Thai girl is an (ex-)bar girl. I don't mean that negatively, it just is a fact. These girls are very happy if they can find a nice farang who is, most of the time, real good to her. He is far more educated than any Thai man would be and raised in a society where man and woman are considered equal: so he treads his lady with more respect and decency than any Thai men would do. AND he gives her financial security. Ofcourse she stops "working bar" immediately if she can find a farang who wants her as his "real" girlfriend.

The farang man on the other hand, is happy to have found a woman who is far more feminine than her European counterparts, who is caring and gentle, and so on and so forth. This is because of Thai girls have been brought up and being tought a far more feminine role-model for her than in Western society. In Thai society - especially in the rural areas, which is the greater part of the country - men and woman are NOT considered "equal". The man is considered "king of his castle". So these "relationships" can work, if one doesn't mind the fact that most of the time the communication and understanding between the two partners will be shallow or at least very difficult. Funnily enough, nevertheless these partners are very happy together, but their relationship can in no way be equalled with a "real" relationship between two Thai people or two Farang people.

[chonabot]

Hmmm , so my relationship with my Thai wife cannot equal that of a same race couple? Even though we are both bilingual , share hobbies , are still in love , have 2 lovely kids...

Because you said so?

You are obviously a western woman who has lost her man to a Thai lady.

Oh sorry am I jumping to conclusions without evidence?

It's annoying isn't it?

Hope you got my point.

:

[Dutch Vader]

Hello again!

In addition to my first reply, I would like to add something about "casual sex" with Thai girls. I can almost guarantee Mr. Eastender, that there is no such thing with a "real" Thai girl. Unless she is a bar girl, a Thai girl will NEVER have sex on her first date, nor will she EVER have casual sex in the way it is common in Western societies. To understand this, it is necessary to know that "not losing face" is a VERY important thing in Thai society. Thai girls are brought up with the idea that it is necessary to be a virgin when they marrie! In rural areas, and most girls in Bangkok come from rural areas, many girls are still "given away" by their parents to a husband. The parents are paid a dowry by the parents of the groom or the groom himself. This dowry would be considerably less, if the girl would not be a virgin! That is one reason for the parents and the girl to keep her virginity untill she marries! But more important: the girl AND her family "loses face" if she is no more a virgin when she marries! Any Thai will go out of his or her way to prevent from "losing face". This is the reason why in any survey, when being asked, a Thai girl will state that she IS a virgin.

"Losing face" is also one of the reasons why "real Thai girls" do NOT like to hold hands in public. Any display of affection between man and woman IN PUBLIC is considered impolite and "not done". Now, in Bangkok some Thai girl are adopting "Western ways" more and more, so in Bangkok one can see couples holding hands in public nowadays. 10 years ago this was almost never the case. That a farang man and a Thai girl hold hands in public, is mostly because of the farang is (completely) ignorant about the Thai morals or customs. Meanwhile, the Thai girl "suffers in silence". Thai girls are usually also very shy. Nevertheless, she will accept a lot of "crap" from her farang boyfriend, because he gives her the so badly needed financial security! Also, Thai people are very forgiving when foreigners don't act according to Thai custom.

A "real" Thai relationship tends to be build up very, very slowly and carefully. Always there will be a chaperone for quite a long time, when things start up. This chaperone will accompany the new couple everywhere. Only after a considerable amount of time and effort, this chaperone will ultimately disappear, so the couple can be alone. Ofcourse there will be NO (casual) SEX during this time!

One should also keep in mind, that Thai woman are far less "sexually educated"! Most of the time, a Thai woman has not learned to enjoy sex! For her, sex is something "for the man". Thai man have a bad reputation as being very poor lovers. "Wham, bang, thank you mam", is what Thai man consider being sexually active. From this point of view (and with this being the Thai girls thoughts about sex) there is absolutely no reason for her to have "casual sex". She simply does not know that it can be enjoyable! Maybe after she has had a relationship with a farang, who shows her "good sex", she can understand that sex can also be enjoyable for her as a woman...

Now, as opposed to Thai women, for whom sex is more or less out of the question before marriage, Thai men are brought up with the idea that sex is part of "Sanuk" same as good food and drink! In many cases, when a boy turns 16 years old, he is taken to a brothel by his father to celebrate him "becoming a man"! The idea many Westerners have, that the sex industrie was brought to Thailand by GI's in the Vietnam war, is absolutely wrong.Thailand has a history of prostitution that goes back for ages! In every little town therre is at least one brothel or two. These are frequented by Thai men only (not by farang). The farang sex industrie is a very, very small part of the Thai sex industrie and is concentrated in Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket and a few more tourist-centres. It is completely normal for Thai man to frequent massage-parlors (brothels) once in a while. Also for married man! In Thai society it is completely normal and widely accepted, that the sexual pleasure of the man is

sought by him OUTSIDE his house and not with his own wife! Also, Thai men have a reputation of being very untrue... The cases of a Thai woman being left by her husband (he runs off and leaves her with a child or two) are many. With the exception of middle- and upperclass people in Bangkok, Thai marriages are not endorsed legally: it is (just) a Buddhist ceremony. This means the wife has no legal power to execute alemony. Her husband simply leaves her and she has to take care of herself and her baby. In no way the ex-husband will support her financially. This is very common in Thailand. Her family will help her, but most of the time the girl has to go "work bar" in Bangkok or elsewhere, and will sent the money home to her parents upcountry, who are taking care of her baby/babies. Because many girls have seen this in their circles, and from their friends she doesn't know any better and accept it as something "normal". Now: THIS is the reason why many Thai girls in a relationship with a farang, tend to accumulate as much golden chains and/or money as soon as possible, as a security for the moment when the man will leave her. In her mind, this moment will almost certainly come. She has not seen it any other way. The farang boyfriend then feels the girl is "milking" or abusing him and gets angry. But she is (from her point of view) only doing what has to be done before it is too late. This is why farang men have the reputation of being honest and trustworthy when it comes to relatioinships. Simply because the Thai man have the reputatioin of being "runners".

I wrote all this in an attempt to make it understandable why Thai girls will not likely be in for "casual sex". If they want a real relationship, they will take it very slow. If they have sex on the first date, she is probably a bar girl or a "free lancer" and expects to be paid the next morning.

Good luck to whoever reads this!

Dutch Vader.

[sanook2me]

dutch vader  

:laugh:

get real, there are lots of middle class thai ladies with farang boyfriends, my chick educated at tammasart own car lives at home with mommy and daddy doesn't work and seems to have as much money as i do.

But i didn't meet her in a bar sure! you have to go else where to meet these types of ladies. In fact after dark it will be very unlikely you will meet them.

[Dutch Vader]

Dear Mr. Chonabot,

Please excuse me: in NO WAY I have or had the intention of giving any negative comment or judgement on your personal relatonship! Ofcourse not! I am referring to my own experiences and things I have seen myself. If you are both bilungual then the language problem is, ofcourse, not there. I was referring to the "standard" Thai-farang couple, where the Thai girl speaks no or hardly any English, while the farang man speaks no Thai at all. Most of the time, these couples communicate in "Thinglish" (I presume you have heard of the word?). An abbrevation for "Thai-English" as being spoken in bars arround Patpong, Pattay and so on... These verbal communication than goes not beyond the point of "what you want some drink", "hello handsome man" and "this is not same same as that". What I wanted to explain is, that in these relationships the language barrier is problem nr. 1. Then there is the problem of a completely different view of the world between Thai (mostly Buddhist people) and Western people (mostly christian). These backgrounds affect the way of looking at the world, what is considered important or not, and so on (for instance: my experience is that Thai people don't plan ahead for a very long time; they try to be happy in the moment, and with what they have on this day, while Western people tend to plan ahead far more. Anyway, it is only an example.

I also added that there ARE many happy Thai-Farang couples. Even if they can not communicate verbaly very well.

If, like in your case, you speak eachothers language very well, that makes things a lot easier of course. Then it will be very enriching to both partners to be with somebody with a different cultural background; when they can explain to one another perfectly what they think and feel (not in Thinglish I mean...), that should be very rewarding and gives the opportunity to grow personally to both partners.

Please do not think that I meant my contribution negatively or that I was condemning a Thai - farang relationship, not at all!

I wish you nothing but the best and good luck for you, your wife and your family.

With kind regards,

Dutch Vader.

[sanook2me]

dutch vader- too much generalization,

All dutch boys stick their fingers in dikes, as its their culture to save the country from flooding when a hole appears.

Cumon have you been burnt by a thai lady?

In retrospect your advice is good for newbies coming to thailand, but for old timers its like watching BBC re-runs of Dads army, you know when the jokes are coming. Just as you know when a lady is taking you for some money.

[Dutch Vader]

Hi again!

I can now see why Mr. Chonabot got so angry: I re-read my first contribution again and I see the last line is quite rude, if taking out of the context. What I meant there was: a relationship between a Thai bar-girl and a farang can "in no way" be the same (equalled is not the term, English is not my native language, I am Dutch) as a relationship between 2 Thai or 2 Farang.... "Equalled" was not right. "not the same" reflects better what I meant. With not the same I mean: it is different as far as the complexity goes. Thai-farang relationship will encounter different types of problems then Thai/Thai of Farang/farang. I did not mean to say that the one type is better or worse than the other!

[Dutch Vader]

Hello Sanuuk2me!

Well, I am new here; I didn't realize (until now) that probably this group is made up of expats (?) (is it?) or people with much experience in Thailand. I just tried to give to everybody my own personal observations and experiences, hoping it would come in handy for whoever. Indeed, maybe especially for newbees in Thailand. Anyway, there was absolutely no harm or insult meant!

By the way, I have not been burnt by some Thai lady. I do have a Thai girlfriend myself however. She comes from Maha Sarakham, near Roi Et, in Isaan. A typical rural area and yes, she once was a bargirl. But not for long, only 2 months. Then I met her and since we are together. That is 2 years ago now. What I told on this group I learned from her.

I did not want to make generalizations but, let us be honest, I don't think my comments where that "out of this world". Or are they? Please explain to me further then.

Greetings,

Dutch Vader

[kwiz117]

Hi Dutch Vader and Mali

You are wrong in many places in your reply. I do not want to comment on one by one as I do not have much time now.

I am also suspicious about your identity posted in the profile. I read all replies posted by “Mali” above. Her way of thinking and your way of writing under the name of “Dutch Vader” have a very similar style. May be I am wrong. But pls. Send me a PM if I am correct.

I am with my Thai GF who has never worked in a Bar for 3 Yrs now. Even my Parents and her family met with each other and all of them had a very nice time together. We are going to get married very soon. You are basically insulting all girls in Thailand. It is not fair for them.

Normal Thai Girls and Falang relationships do work.  

Obviously if the Thai Girl can not speak in English, then it is not possible to start a relationship. I know a guy, came to Thailand, learned Thai to communicate with her Thai GF. Since my GF speaks good English, I still can not speak Thai. But this British guy, speak Thai very fluently today. So it is not an issue here.

You may wonder how they met, if the girl could not speak in English. It is hard to explain, but they said it was “Love at First sight”. May be you will not believe in it.

No comment about Bar Girl-Falang relationships as I have no experience or do not know any such relationship to comment on it. You and I can assume so many things. But it is not the reality.

Reading your emails, you are trying to uplift the impression of Thai Girls by grouping them into Bar Girls and Non-Bar Girls. For you, Bar Girls are basically prostitutes and Non-Bar Girls live with Parents are good girls.

Is this mean that these Non-Bar Girls become Bar Girls very easily in Thailand when looking at the number of girls serving in popular tourist destinations in Thailand?

You also have mentioned that Thai society think a girl married to a falang is a former prostitute.

Wonder what they think about Thai Man going into Massage Parlors in Thailand?

Also read the topic of “Human trafficking” in this forum. Now wonder what Thai people think about girls like “Mali” working or studying in USA.

What do you think about Thai Girls live in Falang Land?

[Dutch Vader]

Hi Kwiz117.

Well, this discussion is going the wrong way now really. First: I do not know Mali at all. And I don't understand what you mean with "suspicious" about "my profile". I am new here, only entered tonight, and I did not post any profile. My nickname here is Dutch Vader, because I am a Dutch man. Any other information I did not enter in this site. So what would be suspicous about my profile? Please explain?

My first contribution whas a reaction on Mr. Eastenders question, as what he could expect from a Thai girl, and if she would be "in for" casual sex, as I understood his question. That made me give a (much too long) reflection on Thai bar girls (who would be in for casual sex) and Thai not-bar girls (who, in my opinion and from the information I got) would not be in for casual sex.

I am NOT saying that bar girls are bad and not bar girls are the good girls who live with mummy and daddy. I am the last person who would condemn a bar girl, since I have a former bar girl as my girlfriend myself!

I don't know what people think of other people, no matter if they are bargirl or not. I DO know that there is a lot of misunderstanding on these girls and a lot of condemnation and being frowned upon in western society, only because of ignorance in western society about the facts, the poverty, the culture and so on.

I tried to explain (but probably everybody in this discussion group already knows that), that almost all of the bar girls are working in this field because of that they have been left by their Thai husband, have one ore more children to feed, and come from poor rural areas where there is absolutely no money and no opportunity to make a living. They do not "work bar" because they like it or (like many prostitutes in Holland) just to make "big" money quickly or whatever.

Ofcourse there are many girls and woman in Thailand who have nothing to do with bar-work. That is, ofcourse, the greater part of the woman. But most farang (that is, the ones that come only as tourists for a short period of time) do not meet Thai girls out of the bar-areas. For expats or farang who live in Thailand for a long time, this would be different.

I am not saying that any Thai woman would enter the "bar-work easily". If there is no urgent financial need to do so, they would not. Ofcourse there are many Thai woman studying or working in "decent" jobs. Thing is that with these woman the "normal tourist" normally does not mix. Simply because the tourists most of the time only visits tourist-sites  and these do not include the University Campus of Chulalongkorn.

There was no offence or judgment meant.

Dutch Vader.

[kwiz117]

Then there is the problem of a completely different view of the world between Thai (mostly Buddhist people) and Western people (mostly christian). These backgrounds affect the way of looking at the world, what is considered important or not, and so on (for instance: my experience is that Thai people don't plan ahead for a very long time; they try to be happy in the moment, and with what they have on this day, while Western people tend to plan ahead far more. Anyway, it is only an example.

Hi Dutch Vader

No No No..You are totally wrong and misleading others. Buddhism is not a religion. It is a Philosophy.

Also Christen, Anglican we all live in one world and we all accept each other. [Yes, it could be a problem to have a relationship with a Muslim guy]

But not with Buddhist and Christian people. I think you have not been in love or not into a real relationship. Look: in a relationship, you will find some indifference. This is common and that is how a relationship works. It is basically how you understand each other. No need for your partner to believe in your religion or convert. What a way of thinking !!!

Another friend of mine [Christian guy] from US lives in Thailand with his Thai wife, respects Buddhism and also does go to Temple very often. I think he is very famous among the Thai Buddhist people visiting that temple. Both of them arranged a “Thamboon” at the house and I also had the privilege to experience it.

This is just one example and I am sure you can find many in Thailand.

On what basis you think Thai people are short term planners and western people are long term planners? Even if this is true, appreciate if you can explain, how this can effect to a relationship.

[Dutch Vader]

Hi Kwiz117

As you can see in my text, which you qouted, I did NOT say that Buddhism is a religion. I know it is not. I read some books about Buddism ("Teach yourself Buddhism" from Clive Errickter", and I talk about it with my Thai (!) girlfriend (ex-bar girl!).

I also dit not imply that 2 people in a relationship would have to have the same "religion", belief, philosophy or whatever to make this relationship possible or work. "For god sake" (pun, haha   ), what kind of thinking would that be, indeed. I dont understand why you read that in my contribution. I said that the differences in language, culture, belief and so on, does pose some problems. These problems are also challenges that can make someone grow. It was not meant negative. Why does everybody here always explains everything negatively at first?! That is not my way. People who know me, always consider me very open-minded; it looks like people here are getting the opposite impression. The written word obviously has a different impact than the spoken one; another explanation doesn't come to my mind right now.

I have to look back at your message again for the rest of it to respond to.

Greetings for now.

Dutch Vader

[Dutch Vader]

Hi Kwiz117,

The different views on life and on the world that Christian people and Buddhist people certainly have, does not make it difficult to live together. I know that Buddhist people accept other peoples believes (doesn't matter if it is a religion or a philosophy). They are even well-known for their acceptance of others and their differences, as opposed to, for instance, fanatic Muslims indeed). There really is no need to explain to me that differences in a relationship are common and that is how things work. Ofcourse there is no need for one partner to have the same believe as the other ones. I only tried to give one or two examples as to why parnters in Thai/Farang relationships can encounter problems, not only due to big differences in life-style, in world-views, wich are more difficult to handle IF you can hardly understand eachother because of the language-barrier.

In my humble opinion, one result of the different way of live, or the different way of looking at things, or at the world, is that (again my own experience), Thai people ARE more short time planners while Westerners are more long time planners. Example: when in the hometown of my girlfriend it is time to sprinkle the fields with weed killer, I can count on it, that the next day many people are sick because of inhaling the pesticides, because they simple use way to much under the motto "good many of it also does many good". When I try to explain to her, what the long term effect of abusing pesticides can be on both human and the crop, she says: "Well, that can be true what you are saying, but I don't care because for NOW the crop is well-off and what may happen in 10 or 20 years from now is not worth considering".

Example nr. 2: if I try to explain it would be not a bad idea, to save some money for when we are too old to work, she says: "why save money for when we are 65 years old, while maybe then we are long dead already and if not, there will be something for us to live on anyway; who lives then, cares then."

I was thinking that this way of thinking is typically Thai, because they do seem to live far more for the moment then we westerners do. But I could be wrong ofcourse.

Good night for now.

Dutch Vader.

[kwiz117]

Hi Kwiz117.

Well, this discussion is going the wrong way now really. First: I do not know Mali at all. And I don't understand what you mean with "suspicious" about "my profile". I am new here, only entered tonight, and I did not post any profile. My nickname here is Dutch Vader, because I am a Dutch man. Any other information I did not enter in this site. So what would be suspicous about my profile? Please explain?

My explanation is, when I read your post, I get the feeling of a Thai girl replying to defend Thai girls. Like to know what others felt about replies from Mali and Dutch Vendor [who has registered himself today]. For me, I can not see much of a difference in the way of writing and the thinking.

This is my personal opinion.  

[Maigo6]

who cares?

If you read my earlier post u will see a post from a guy that has been in relationships with bar girls, and non bar girls, that guy is me.

Most trustworthy of all was a bar girl, biggest butterfly worked in the webmasters office of a well known thai website, quickest in bed was a naval officer, dont generalise so much, everybody is different, we are all humans,ok.

cheers

[TizMe]

she once was a bargirl. But not for long, only 2 months.

Every bargirl in Thailand has only been doing it for 2 months..

[mrentoul]

so my relationship with my Thai wife cannot equal that of a same race couple? Even though we are both bilingual , share hobbies , are still in love , have 2 lovely kids...

Because you said so?

Well said, Chon. Ignore the Dutch one.  

Obviously if the Thai Girl can not speak in English, then it is not possible to start a relationship.

No. You can learn each other's languages.

Communication seems to happen smoothly even even between people of different languages.