A thai girlfriend

[Bud Zumwalt]

???

To D80 and Mali:

First I want to apologize for addressing you D80 as male, second I have a much better picture of everything as you explained it all so clearly. I guess Mali needs an apology as well. I will say that boys will be boys whether in Thailand or America. The American culture is that of never heard of a chaporone and if the chemistry is right your insulting the lady if you do not show her complete fore fillment. Age is not even a factor anymore, since many mature ladies in Florida sometimes require more from their pool boys.

In my opinion I have learned a lot from not only you two but all the others. Additionally the issue of loyality is a major factor with Thai ladies, the following is a copy from my soul mate in Thai, who set me straight on one major issure ..

I just got another email from her today. This is a quote from the first paragraph,

"Thank you so much for your promise..love me only. You are my sunshine if you change your mind and love another lady then sunshine is out. I have a big heart for you only."

I guess she may have actually had a few friends probing me with email, I think she did catch me saying something wrong, that is why she canceled her email, after I wrote her friend she changed her mind and now I have a second chance. I was a fool, I had it all with this lady and did not realize it. Anymore Thai ladies email me and they get the rapid reply I am taken. This lady has amazed me with her open mindedness, and true love for almost two months. She made it clear up front she does not want a butterfly, so now that my wings have been clipped, I am all done flirting, kidding around with other ladies on the email, and must keep my eyes from wandering while forever, around her or not, because she is very serious about one thing, your mine and your better not look beyond my pretty little face.

She wants to travel a little by train, she does not drive and I would need driving school, since my country is not on the English system, backward system I call it, travel around to some spots, not talking all this marrage stuff anymore, she is a swimmer like I am, I swim daily for exercise and sail my vessel when not a Yacht Captain. She is one in a million, I am not mixed up anymore, my mixed message is now very clear. I must be faithful, not a jerk, keep my email limited to her and her only, and when with her keep my eyes from wandering when other ladies walk by, no matter how good their butts look. What a jerk I was, what a mature together lady she is.

Bud

West Palm Beach, Florida, USA

[Mali]

DB80,

Nice comments.!!!!!!!!

[Butterfly]

I have yet to meet a "virgin" in Bangkok

One should not have to say that the implication that there are no virgin women in Bangkok because you have never met one is ludicrous.  I venture to say that you never will either!

Actually, I have met a few, but there were irrelevant in my arguments here.  It was meant as a figure of speech. Duh.

[chonabot]

Irony is a lonely figure on this dismal board, alas...etc

[D80]

Bud,

No need to apologise, I just wanted to explain certain points, that's all.  As to American courting ritual, I can see what you mean... I spend a few years of my teen in an American high school myself.  Good for you for finding the love of your life.  Hope it works out well.

Take care  

P' Mali (riek p' na ka)

Laew jer kan nai board nee na ka!  

(Don't want to be rude to others, so I'm translating: 'see you around the board')

[Mali]

Bud,

Sorry it took so long to answer. I have been so busy with my business. As DB80 said, there is no need to apologize. If my memory serves me right, you were married twice (first to an MD and second to an older rich lady) and now you are looking for the third. Third time is a charm and you are looking for a Thai lady who is not as smart as you first and not richer than you. Well one cannot say that you did not learn from your past experiences of what did not work for you.

Now you think this nice Thai lady who you have been emailing in the past 2 months is going to make you happy. She is not going to create any of those problems that you had with both of your Exs (of course, first you will have her checked out by a PI). After all she is a Thai lady and Thai ladies are known to be nice and take a better care of their hubbies than most western ladies. Well good luck.

[mrentoul]

I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with me.... although you are describing Thai tradition in courtship

I asked a student I have known for a while this week if she'd like to be my boyfriend. I was joking, but she took it seriously.

She told one of my friends I was too old, and she was spoken for. My friend said if I wanted to take her out I would need a chaperone in any case, lest I be seen as a snake-head.

Unlike the West, he said, you can't take out a girl here and expect casual sex to follow.

All this is true and I really didn't mean it (I am spoken for, too). But it was a salutary lesson in mores and morals, Thai-style.

I don't want young people's problems. If they want me then in future they'll have to give...CHASE!

[mrvietnam2001]

What do you think about Thai Girls live in Falang Land?

Hmmm in Asia, it's 100++++ to one.

In the US it's the opposite.  

Mr Vietnam

[andrew]

Dear all,

I find this thread interesting and feel compelled to reply. Of all the points covered, the main ones seem to be about whether or not unmarried Thai girls are virgins and whether or not it's possible to find a "real" Thai girlfriend.

As for the first point, it's my expreience that Thai girls here in Bangkok are exactly the same as their western counterparts and the local sex drive is very much alive and flourishing. An interesting thing which I heard about very recently from a couple of respectable Thai women is a desire (fashion?) amongst young Thai men to indulge in anal sex with their Thai girlfriends. Apparently the girls go along with it but don't like it. So much for all the other contributors here who appear to believe that everything in Thailand is sweetness and innocence (or could this just be wishful thinking?).

As for the suggestion that finding a "real" Thai girl and forming with her a normal relationship is hard or impossible, might it not be the case that the views of these individuals stem from their own failing to find anything other than what are euphemistically called "bar girls".

My own girlfriend, with whom I've been for over three and a half years, is a perfectly normal modern Thai woman - a manager at one of Bangkok's busiest hotels, bilingual, educated and wordly. Many of my friend have been similarly successful in finding someone decent. Perhaps the oddest thing is that many Thai girls I know complain that while they're happy to talk to to "farangs" and would be more than happy to consider taking things further, the "farangs" themselves seem only ever to think about prostitutes and all the other rubbish which infests Bangkok's slut bars.

Remember. Thai girls are not a bunch of timid, innocent virgins, and many will be more that happy to consider going with you if you're reasonably decent and presentable. Remember too how offended thay may feel if you overlook them for a bit of short time pleasure with a piece of dirt from a slut bar.

Good luck with your hunting!

[Dutch Vader]

Whew...what incredibly long winded postings. My observation is that liaisons with former prostitutes are not advised and that falang men should expect a long and chaste courtship with a 'respectable' Thai woman in order to be happy when married. What bullshit. Most of the falangs that I know met their wives in bars and have perfectly happy marriages. It is a business proposition...I take you away from your family so that your income is missed but I will provide that to them. In return, you look after me. Adjustments are made here and there for additions to the family core group but everybody remains happy.

In my case I was able to buy a property that got them out of the tin shack over a rice paddy and into a nice house in town...further indication to my wife that I am interested in the family's general welfare and, although I can't say that my wife loves me in the western romantic sense she thinks that I am a nice man and worthy of affection and trust.

So...if you like holding hands and etc in order to demonstrate that your wife is virtuous then good for you. I'll bet that you won't get from your wife what I get from mine...all the way around...

regards

Dear Mr. Tutsiwarrior!

You wrote:

In my case I was able to buy a property that got them out of the tin shack over a rice paddy and into a nice house in town.... (...) Although I can't say that my wife loves me in the western romantic sense she thinks that I am a nice man and worthy of affection and trust."

Isn't this exactly what I was talking about some time ago: the hidden agenda of the Thai girl and being in a relationship with a farang primarily because of financial security? You even sort of underline it by saying that your wife does not love you in the "western romantic sense" but she thinks you are a nice guy and worthy of affection and trust. What would happen if you could no longer provide? Would she still think you were a nice man worthy of affection and trust? Maybe, but she would probably have to look out for some other provider....

My observations are, over and over again, that many Thai woman establish relationships with farang because of the financial security, nothing else. All the rest that may come to it in the relationship is secondary for the Thai girl. As soon as the money is gone, she will be gone too...

Now, if one can handle this, it still is possible to be  happy in these kind of relationships. It is like an agreement: you give me financial security, I give you affection and trust (but I do not love you in the Western romantic sense...) But one should not fool himself by thinking the Thai girl is with a farang because of his nice blue eyes, his fair heart, his honesty or whatever.

This is not meant personally or as an insult to you or your wife. It is intended as a contribution to this discussion.

And ofcourse there are probably exceptions to the rule...

DV.