Devastated By That Brit Boy

[Dave the Dude]

The fact that he doesn't want the three of you to meet makes it plain and simple want is happening. Personally, I would want my girlfriend to meet all my friends (male or female), particulary if going on holiday with one of them.

He appears quite spineless. Don't torture yourself. Speak to him or send him a message. Tell him it's not working. Then change your SIM and forget about him (hey, that rhymes) .

Hi

I'm with Geeky on this one.

It could be that SHE didn't want to meet Candy but I think out of politness, I would still like a UK buddy(M/F) to meet my Thai GF/Wife. Why Not???

I am sorry,Candy but you are too good for him & to him and please remember we are not all the same (even Brits or Septics!)

Dave

[neverdie]

Yes, very suss that she didnt want to meet you.....what on earth are they hiding?

Perhaps you could come away for a week with me.....we could er say we are doing the 'bump & grind' together. I wonder how much he would like it if the shoe was on the other foot.

If you need a little hug, come see uncle neverdie!

[Ijustwannateach]

CF:

There's a simple answer, but you probably won't like it.

There are two possibilities here. Either your boyfriend is pretty much entirely innocent and trustworthy, and you are being unreasonable, jealous, and insecure; or he is finding ways to cheat on you.

From what you have told us, either could be possible. It really depends on what you think about everything else in your relationship. Are there any other reasons to doubt him or other instincts that tell you he's concealing things from you? If so, then you're probably right and you should dump him.

On the other hand, if you're attempting to control him for the sake of your own insecurities, then you're endangering the relationship anyway and you should probably get some counselling to help you understand why you feel this way. From the BF's attitude, though, it doesn't seem like he's very prepared to indulge your insecurities and you two are on borrowed time anyway.

Either way, you should be taking responsibility for making the decision and understanding your own feelings. Stand up for yourself and be ready to move on. Grieve if you need to, but don't luxuriate in self-pity or indulge in drama.

In a general way, though, I'd be suspicious myself of partnerships that required many extended holidays to be taken apart from each other, whether on the excuse of 'biking' or otherwise- and in the first 2 years, yet!

[submaniac]

Sorry, I tend to disagree with any thoughts that the OP is overreacting, or jealous. I think she is completely right. If you are in a relationship, you need to clear things with your partner. If you are single, you can do what you want. If you want to stay out at some bar until 2 a.m., have at it. If you are single and you want to spend all your money on motorcycle gear, you just do it. Now if you are in a relationship and you have to pay bills, you better check with your partner first. If my girlfriend wanted to spend a week with some guy on a motorcycle. I would not be happy. The OP has tried to be understanding, and I don't think it is a big deal to introduce her to this "ladyfriend". I think the point is a complete and utter lack of respect for the OP's feelings. Irrespective of whether the BF is planning any 'hanky panky', he should have cleared it with her first, and should have accommodated her feelings and introduced her. Basically he's just said "hi honey, this is what I am doing. Deal with it."

[jackr]

Not meaning to be sexist, but if he's really into his cycling, there's little chance he'd want to go on a riding holiday with a doris, unless he's a bit of a weak fairy or something else is going on... 'riding' being the operative word.

Guesthouse is on the ball

[spacefruit]

Ditch him. NO contact. At all.

If he isnt being unfaithful, (which he surely is) then why stay with someone who thinks this behaviour is acceptable?

At the end of the day, if you dont leave him now, you will eventualy be forced too.

Sorry to hear you have the problems, BAIL OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A PARACHUTE!

[britmaveric]

IJWT - nah Candy is rather sweet and lovely - dare say not a jealous, unsecure or unreasonable bone in her body. I'd vouch for her any day - she is about as real/honest as they come.

The way I look at it - you schedule your holidays way in advance and obviously the biking trip with the British bird took some planning/time. So why wouldn't you tell your significant other prior and green light it, and even give them opportunity to maybe come themselves. Second - a compromise is given by Candy - well let us meet up, obviously must be a good mate to plan smth like this with and well I'd love to meet her. Unfortunately she doesnt want to meet Candy which is odd by itself.

She definitely has reason to be pissed with the behaviour because at the end of the day - only person being unreasonable his her muppet bf.

[G54]

Add me to the list of 'Ditch him'.

It does not matter if he is a Brit or not, he is guilty of being Insensitive at the very least and when a man takes another woman on a trip like this then there has to be more to it than meets the eye ( though that is not what you want to hear, I feel ).

Not a pleasant situation to be in. Now you have to decide what you want. Meanwhile go out with friends. Go have some fun and pamper yourself. If you speak to him, let him believe you are also having fun and maybe even hint of being taken out over the New Year with male friends. Maybe jolt some sense into him.

[redscouse]

what a stupid thread.

a couple of things:

it seems you have a lot of information about this regarding emails sent etc,, don't you think if he was cheating he would hide this from you and tell you he was going with a guy.

why should she meet you? she hasn't done anything wrong to warrant being interrogated by a jealous insecure girlfriend.

you make the decision as to what to do rather than a bunch of strangers who don't know the guy. if you want to end it because of petty jealousy then just end it, if you don't want to end it then don't end it, you either trust him or you don't.

[ballbreaker]

Its time you go with your inner feelings. You know the ones that say something is not right.

Move on with your life because this guy is not right for you.

Remember there is always another fish in the sea.

Edited January 26, 2009 by ballbreaker

[Geekfreaklover]

what a stupid thread.

a couple of things:

it seems you have a lot of information about this regarding emails sent etc,, don't you think if he was cheating he would hide this from you and tell you he was going with a guy.

why should she meet you? she hasn't done anything wrong to warrant being interrogated by a jealous insecure girlfriend.

you make the decision as to what to do rather than a bunch of strangers who don't know the guy. if you want to end it because of petty jealousy then just end it, if you don't want to end it then don't end it, you either trust him or you don't.

Look at it. Candy's boyfriend has planned a holiday with a member of the fairer sex from his home country and not cleared it with Candy first.

I think that the Candy's boyfriend wants to finish the realtionship but hasn't got the balls to tell her how he feels, so is demonstrating it in this way - just an observation, could well be wrong.. As I said before, spineless.

I know I would be not too happy if my other half was going on holiday with a friend of the opposite sex and refused to let me meet them. In fact it would be a "red card" there and then. The crux of the situation/problem is that he and the brit bird don't want to meet with Candy. The creep is playing.

Only one answer to this as Guesthouse observed; ditch him.

You deserve better.

Edited January 26, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[torrenova]

We don't need to beat around the bush to know that the guy is either screwing around, wants to or is ..........

Crap, here I was trying t make it sound lighter than it is. He is screwing around.

As GH says, ditch his sorry ass. This is from a Brit.

18 months and he cannot or does not want to bring home this girl he is going away with ? As you've never spoken to her, you only have his word that it is she who did not want to meet you rather than him not wanting to fess up to still having a GF.

He should be toast.

[joskydive]

Candy, he's better off being ditched!

After being with him for a year and a half, you should be his No.1 priority irrespective of where he's come from. I'm a Brit female (yes, we're not all bad) and I can tell you that if some guy was to do that in the UK, he'd be ditched instantly without even a thought of your compromise, of lets meet up, make friends or have a meal with her.

What I'm saying is, is that this is not the norm. and it's not a cultural difference either.

From what has been said already, you are young and educated with your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on some idiot who doesn't know a good person when he sees one. Your lifetime partner is out there somewhere, go find him!

[pattaya_girl]

I feel sorry for you. Do to him, what he has done to you. Get out there and enjoy yourself and maybe plan a little Holiday for yourself. A guy did a dirty trick on me a few years back - pretended he did not want to know me anymore, so I went out and met myself a gorgeous fella - when he found out, he was on his Knees begging me to take him back. I never did, he was heartbroken, and I stayed with my Partner now for 6 years. I made my X, pay dearly in the end. Good luck, its a big world out there - happiness will not find you, you have to go out there and find it.

[Ijustwannateach]

IJWT - nah Candy is rather sweet and lovely - dare say not a jealous, unsecure or unreasonable bone in her body. I'd vouch for her any day - she is about as real/honest as they come.

The way I look at it - you schedule your holidays way in advance and obviously the biking trip with the British bird took some planning/time. So why wouldn't you tell your significant other prior and green light it, and even give them opportunity to maybe come themselves. Second - a compromise is given by Candy - well let us meet up, obviously must be a good mate to plan smth like this with and well I'd love to meet her. Unfortunately she doesnt want to meet Candy which is odd by itself.

She definitely has reason to be pissed with the behaviour because at the end of the day - only person being unreasonable his her muppet bf.

In that case, ditch 'im +1!!

[geriatrickid]

How about talking it over with the guy calmly instead of simply accusing. Sometimes there is a rational explanation. For all we know that woman could be lesbian or a relative.

[redscouse]

Hang on a minute here, the guy has been up front about what the trip is, he told candy what he was doing and where he was going, also candy says its the girl that doesn't want to meet her and personally I can understand why.

It seems everyone here is just jumping to conclusions about the guy, for every thought that you have about him bedding this woman you should also have that thought that this trip is genuine because there is no evidence to the contrary.

The issue here should not be that he is/ suspected to be cheating because like I say there is no proof and the fact he has been open about the trip would suggest otherwise, the issue here should be that he didn't see that his gf was upset with the arrangement and made her more comfortable with it, he can't force his cycling buddy to meet candy, that's her choice.

Now a question to all the girls who have posted in here. Do you always have sex with male friends when you are alone with them?

same to the guys, do you always have sex with female friends?

It is possible that this trip is genuine and its candy's paranoia that there is something going on when she has no evidence to the contrary.

if there is no trust then end it, its simple

[Geekfreaklover]

How about talking it over with the guy calmly instead of simply accusing. Sometimes there is a rational explanation. For all we know that woman could be lesbian or a relative.

Yeah, maybe hes going cycling with his gay cousin. (?)

If it were a relative or a lesiban why are they afraid to meet with Candy?

I am all for partners in a realtionship to have friends of the opposite sex. But when you partner dons't want you to meet their 'friends' then alarm bells start ringing. and rightly so.

Edited January 26, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[britmaveric]

Put it this way if Ms. Brit wasn't comfy with me doing the above I wouldn't go until she was comfy with it. And if my female mate wouldn't meet up with my gf and me for dinner I wouldn't be going on the biking trip either. Perception is everything and he doesnt seem to care how Candy feels which is what this is all about when it comes down to it.

[jayjayjayjay]

Feel for you Candyflip. It's time to teach him a lesson. Leave him! He has greatly disrespected you by not allowing you and the other girl to meet before he left. This is common courtesy in the west if requested by ones partner. Pack your bags and dont be there when he gets back........ done....... wait for him to crawl back and place conditions on his future expectation of what your relationship should be........

[Maigo6]

Candyflip,

Lets put it this way, if your BF had come onto this site and said his Thai gf was going off on a cycling trip with a Thai friend who is also into cycling and happens to be male, we would have had 300 posts already telling him how bad Thai women are and to dump her immediately, plenty more fish in the sea etc etc etc....

If that advice would be correct or not nobody here would actually know, Thai women and Thai males can be friends who share the same interest, just as some UK men and women also share the same interests and can participate in activities together without being romantically involved.

The main guys who will tell you to immediately dump him are the type that are insecure in their own relationships, hence they only see the worse in yours, the guy has told you what he wants to do, he could have lied and told you he was going back to the UK, he could have lied and told you he was going with one of his male friends but he didn't, maybe you are insecure in your relationship as many men appear to be on this Forum.

If you are willing to dump a l;ong term boyfriend over the fact that he is going on a cycling trip with a fellow Brit who just happens to be female may in fact mean that you don't really care about his feelings.

If you love someone let them go, if they come back, then you know your love is not wasted. Lifes too short to worry about what may happen, just get on with it .

What would I do ?

Smash his bike to bits, burn all his clothes and break his leg and keep him a prisoner in the apartment ?

or

Let him go and do what he want's to do, cos if you don't he will probably finish with you for being so insecure and clingy and jealous, I know I would.

He will definitely hold resentment towards you thats for sure.

Let him go.

Edited January 26, 2009 by Maigo6

[submaniac]

It seems everyone here is just jumping to conclusions about the guy, for every thought that you have about him bedding this woman you should also have that thought that this trip is genuine because there is no evidence to the contrary.

The issue here should not be that he is/ suspected to be cheating because like I say there is no proof and the fact he has been open about the trip would suggest otherwise, the issue here should be that he didn't see that his gf was upset with the arrangement and made her more comfortable with it, he can't force his cycling buddy to meet candy, that's her choice.

Ok. Let's assume that the entire trip is innocent. Nothing is going to happen. I would still say 'ditch him'. The issue isn't an affair, the issue is a lack of respect for one's partner. You say he has been 'up front' about it. Well, this trip has had to have been planned in advance. Enough time that he could let Candy in about it instead of popping it up on such short notice. If it were me that was the boyfriend, well I wouldn't do this trip at all. If I did do this trip, I would ask my girlfriend first and if she is ok with it, then I would do it. If she's not OK with it, I wouldn't go. Yes, they are not married, and she does not own him. but Candy has every right to decide whether she wants to stay with him or not. So she can't stop him from going, but she can say "don't come back to me if you do". that's fair enough.

[meom]

Anyway coming sunday when he's back make sure you have a pack of condoms available.

In fact you should have given him some when he went on this trip.

[Geekfreaklover]

Candyflip,

Lets put it this way, if your BF had come onto this site and said his Thai gf was going off on a cycling trip with a Thai friend who is also into cycling and happens to be male, we would have had 300 posts already telling him how bad Thai women are and to dump her immediately, plenty more fish in the sea etc etc etc....

If that advice would be correct or not nobody here would actually know, Thai women and Thai males can be friends who share the same interest, just as some UK men and women also share the same interests and can participate in activities together without being romantically involved.

The main guys who will tell you to immediately dump him are the type that are insecure in their own relationships, hence they only see the worse in yours, the guy has told you what he wants to do, he could have lied and told you he was going back to the UK, he could have lied and told you he was going with one of his male friends but he didn't, maybe you are insecure in your relationship as many men appear to be on this Forum.

If you are willing to dump a l;ong term boyfriend over the fact that he is going on a cycling trip with a fellow Brit who just happens to be female may in fact mean that you don't really care about his feelings.

If you love someone let them go, if they come back, then you know your love is not wasted. Lifes too short to worry about what may happen, just get on with it .

What would I do ?

Smash his bike to bits, burn all his clothes and break his leg and keep him a prisoner in the apartment ?

or

Let him go and do what he want's to do, cos if you don't he will probably finish with you for being so insecure and clingy and jealous, I know I would.

He will definitely hold resentment towards you thats for sure.

Let him go.

Maigo,

You are leaving out the small detail that Candy's boyfriend and the cycling buddy don't wish to meet with her. Does this not suggest foul play?

[Candyflip]

Thx all for contributing this.

I am the at the point of judging what he did anymore, I am just gonna look after myself.

I cannot force him to do thing that he does not want , but I can make my own choices.

being with someone who does not concern about your feeling is not a good choice,isn it?

I am sure this will pass ( like it always does)

I will be up and running ( perhaps even dancing! ) in no time.

joskydive and pattaya girl, your comments are very encouraging

maigo6, I see your points. but i agreed with submanias that it is not really about the affair.

It is more about partnership, things in long term. As I mentioned before that it has given me a question how i can go on having a relationship when his concern about my feeling is very little.

I think I was fair enough even to come up with a compromise of meeting her.

When he siad no, I said ok how about I meet you at your final destination.

He said he could not afford having more time off.

What does that left me to think?

Edited January 26, 2009 by Candyflip

[t.s]

Candyflip, he may just be being an insensitive prat about it and really is just a bike ride with another person who happens to be female. He should really have taken into consideration your feelings on this before making arrangements, but well, he didnt, and maybe he genuinely just didnt think how it would affect you.

Only he knows what is going on in his mind regarding this. He will hopefully talk clearly to you later about it. Right now he probably wont want to talk to you because he has his trip in mind, and he knows you are upset so he probably doesnt want to deal with that until later. I think thats a typical male reaction, so dont read into it too much.

Not sure what to say, except that i sympathise. Sometimes men can be so clueless and total jerks!

Best thing to do at the moment is try make yourself feel good and not focus on imagining the worse. Dont fill your time thinking about what he is doing. Most of what you will think will probably be the worse case scenario and just make you feel unnecessarily sick. Pamper yourself, kill any negative thoughts, and do fun things!

Good luck.

Hey Candy sometimes all is not what it appears. I split with my long term g/f 4 years ago, and moved out of her house, met my Thai wife and married but i still live in the UK and believe it or not I live with my old g/f in the same house in seperate bedrooms whilst i am working here. Suits all of us I get cheap accomodation old g/f gets some money means I can save all for my Thai life. Wife and ex g/f have met and she has stayed here too.

the point is they have met.

its the refusal to meet that is the kicker, he is a heel, ditch him.

Edited January 26, 2009 by t.s

[mrtoad]

Candyflip,

Lets put it this way, if your BF had come onto this site and said his Thai gf was going off on a cycling trip with a Thai friend who is also into cycling and happens to be male, we would have had 300 posts already telling him how bad Thai women are and to dump her immediately, plenty more fish in the sea etc etc etc....

If that advice would be correct or not nobody here would actually know, Thai women and Thai males can be friends who share the same interest, just as some UK men and women also share the same interests and can participate in activities together without being romantically involved.

The main guys who will tell you to immediately dump him are the type that are insecure in their own relationships, hence they only see the worse in yours, the guy has told you what he wants to do, he could have lied and told you he was going back to the UK, he could have lied and told you he was going with one of his male friends but he didn't, maybe you are insecure in your relationship as many men appear to be on this Forum.

If you are willing to dump a l;ong term boyfriend over the fact that he is going on a cycling trip with a fellow Brit who just happens to be female may in fact mean that you don't really care about his feelings.

If you love someone let them go, if they come back, then you know your love is not wasted. Lifes too short to worry about what may happen, just get on with it .

What would I do ?

Smash his bike to bits, burn all his clothes and break his leg and keep him a prisoner in the apartment ?

or

Let him go and do what he want's to do, cos if you don't he will probably finish with you for being so insecure and clingy and jealous, I know I would.

He will definitely hold resentment towards you thats for sure.

Let him go.

Maigo,

You are leaving out the small detail that Candy's boyfriend and the cycling buddy don't wish to meet with her. Does this not suggest foul play?

Does it?

I thought Maigo, was spot on with what he said. In the end we are only hearing one side of the story, which is leading to the majority of posters condeming the bloke. I'm sure some can see the irony in this thread.

[Maigo6]

Maigo,

You are leaving out the small detail that Candy's boyfriend and the cycling buddy don't wish to meet with her. Does this not suggest foul play?

Nope.

If he was trying to cover things up he would have told her he was going with a man, would she then think he was gay ?

She's insecure about her relationship, simple as that.

Seems many men here wouldn't go on a trip anyway, cos it appears they would be worrying about what their GF or Wife would be up to !

He must trust CandyFlip and that suggests he is secure in his reationship.....

Anyway, the OP will only relate to what she wants to hear, she will only take in the posts that she finds agreeable to her, so no matter what us guys say, she'll do exactly what she was gonna do in the first place anyway.

Edited January 26, 2009 by Maigo6

[britmaveric]

So Maigo - you'd let your wife/gf go off with a lad for a week you never met or even talked to??? And who refused to meet you????

This would have bells going off in my head, and I'm pretty secure with my relationship.

Edited January 26, 2009 by britmaveric

[submaniac]

Candy, you are in the right. I agree with you 100%. From what the other posters have been saying, it sounds like you are a wonderful girl, and I do not think you will have problems finding another, BETTER man. Why you could just hang out in the TV ladies forum...there's always a clown posting about how to meet Thai women. Best of luck to you.