What Do Thai Wives Want From Their Farang Husbands?

[chiangmaibruce]

I'm assuming the OP appreciates that there is a range of individual likes/dislikes and ways of relating, but wants to learn about some general differences b/w Thais and farang. As GFL has already mentioned, the issue of in which country you are living will make some difference.

Just one point of difference is the degree of importance to Thais of the public face of the marriage. This means that how you look/act and relate to your wife in public will have a significant bearing on her happiness in herself and in the marriage. This is true to a much greater extent than in a typical farang marriage. The message here is present yourself well - make her proud of you at all times. And especially don't give a cross look or angry word to your wife in public, or I can promise you she will be unhappy. And by "public" I include in the home with family, friends, etc.

Thai ladies are generally harder to make unhappy, but once the weather turns cloudy then it is more difficult to recover and get yourself out of the hole - easier and better to avoid it in the first place.

As Eek said, compliments or small gifts work well - but especially when administered in public

[dinthailand]

Im planning on marrying a Thai woman in March. I would like to know what some of your experiences have been getting married to and being married to a Thai woman. Did anything change after you became husband and wife? What do you find makes her a happy woman? What do you do that really upsets her?

I am sorry, but I don't understand. You are marrying a woman in March and yet you are unaware what makes her happy and what makes her upset? Each person is an individual and you won't find this information on a forum. Might I suggest you ask your fiancee instead?

Good idea, then after the marriage ask again and you'll get the answer "money" "land" "gold" "vet fees for nonexistent buffalo" .....

that's not to say that some thai farang marriages work, they do. but if you are asking the question at this stage you are not ready and maybe there is a nagging doubt that the negative posters may be right. think hard think carefully and good luck.

[rideswings]

Thank you all for some wonderful insights. I think I have learned more in this post than I did reading Thailand Fever several times...

[G54]

... maybe I am trying to get some ideas of how to be a good husband.

haha, cute!

Well, in that case,I would like to offer a few generic suggestions..

Compliment her, but not all the time or OTT. A few very small compliments a day will go a LONG way, and the occasional BIG compliment will make her feel really loved. But NOT too many, as it sounds fake, and gets boring.(Also, throw in a few slightly sexual compliments too. Not hard core! Just thinks like "darling, your body looks so beautiful/sexy in that dress". "What colour are you wearing today?" <said with a smile and a wink. You will likely get a playful slap. Dont underestimate the power of compliments on a woman who loves you. Its stored in her memory bank forever. Sweet words from a man helps a woman to feel beautiful, desired, loved.) Im sorry if that sounds old-fashioned, and if other women dont agree, but I think the average woman, no matter how independent, still loves to be spoken to in this way.

Occasionally do something special and/or take her somewhere special. Taking her somewhere nice to eat or whatever else where she can get dressed up and feel like she is being taken on a date feels great. Its fun to get dressed up and feel beautiful and sexy. It also makes her feel you are proud to still take her out and show her off. Treat her special on that night too, not just like the "wifey". Treat her like you would a date, with the same consideration (but not like a sap!..there is a balance!). Believe me, you should get it back ten-fold!

Dont put up with any Cr@p!If she has a valid point to make, listen to her. If she is upset, comfort her. But if she begins to nag or try to wear you down about things and gives you grief about something that isnt really important, walk away. Dont let your wife lose respect for you.

..um i think ill just stop now..because i think im going to get flack from both the women and men on TV for this. Maybe my ideas of what makes a successful relationship sound old-fashioned. I DO think their should be equality and mutual respect in a relationship, but i also think there should be some traditional roles included to. I know there are some unique differences between cultures, but I think some basic things cross over to all.

Anyway, good luck on being a good husband, and I hope your marriage is a long and happy one.

Good post, Eek.

I'd like to add :-

Marriage is never the same as courting. We often lose our way and forget the 'spark' still needs to be kept alive to fan the flames of love (in many ways as Eek, said). Be a friend too and confidant.

Edited January 31, 2009 by G54

[samesamebutdifferent]

Alot of the negative posts, although not incorrect, of the gold, land and house wish lists can also be accredited to Thai preconceived ideas about ferang wealth. After living in London for a few years with me, my wife had a much better idea of my financial state, and that I was just an average joe, who worked long hours to pay for our life style. Whilst some ferangs like to lay the blame for their problems at the feet of Thais, they should consider their own actions as well, ie. acting like money is no object, general giving it large. That said, some Thais will think your loaded no matter what evidence you can show them to the contrary.

[eek]

I'd like to add :-

Marriage is never the same as courting. We often lose our way and forget the 'spark' still needs to be kept alive to fan the flames of love (in many ways as Eek, said). Be a friend too and confidant.

Yes, i think exactly! Often people when they get married or live together can get too used to each other and forget about having a "dating" train of thought. The benefits of settling down are great (if you are compatible) because you can feel comfortable and homey and relaxed. Its when things become too relaxed that you might wake up one day and realise that your partner and you havent felt passion for a long time, the sex has wained a LOT, you feel like your partner is like a best friend or even worse, like a mother/father/brother/sister! I think thats also when eyes can start wandering and minds start thinking the grass might be greener on the other side. Good to stop and have a think about your relationship sometimes if its getting toooo cosy, then try to think about your partner as someone you just met, think about all the things you would do to get them interested in you. Hopefully (with or without realising) it will cause them ito reciprocate and will bring a spark back into the relationship.

[rideswings]

Please excuse this lengthy response to your posts:

Barry- My fiancee has already asked that we build a house on her farm after marriage. Is "Money Number One" a Thai book? Curious...

DavidO - I agree. My fiancee is much lower maintenance than my old farang GF, but I guess it depends on the person. And the last time we were together, I dragged her into a shoe store to buy new ones. Her old shoes were well worn. I loved to see her be able to choose any shoes she wanted. The most expensive pair was 1000 baht... very reasonable and she was very happy.

CMBruce - I have read both of those countless times, but I just wanted to get opinions from people other than the authors of the book. I agree that is has been and continues to be an adventure!

TAWP - 3 out of 4 aint bad...

h90 - i try to treat her as special as often as possible.

swain - i have offered her the book many times, and she glances at it now and again.

TAWP - always myself

neverdie - thanks for clarifying. i guess i had better get used to not knowing anything again... so much for singlehood and knowing everything... and thanks for the good wishes. I have shown more patience with her than with any other woman. I think she is worth it.

eek - marvelous post! Im going to print it out and carry it in my wallet... j/k! thanks for your thoughts and good wishes.

mattias - it sounds like our partners have alot in common, i think that is her perfect day too. personally, i am not crazy about tesco, but she loves it.

Garya - i think i got a good one. she never complains about much, and is happy with what she has been given. My old Thai gf was an "immature, jealous, insecure clinging vine type" which is why she is my ex gf.

spongeman - lottery winning would be nice... i would blow it all having paul mccartney play at my wedding...

GFL - we will be living in udon... and in the USA maybe some time next year if the Visa gets approved...

Tjan - you forgot to fill in the dots as was requested in my followup post. You get a demerit for todays class. Now go sit in the corner.

dunmall - can you repeat that for me??? lol and what does performing as a small boy entail? piano recitals for the old people? serving them lemonade?? lmao

wamberall - thanks for your polite and enlightening post. seems like what upsets your wife upsets mine too. she hates it when i get cranky, she just gets really quiet. and most of all something that just occurred to me... I must shower twice a day. and if i do it without her asking me a million times, she is really really happy. and if i put on clean clothing every day that makes her happy. being a bachelor for a long time, you just dont consider the other person sometimes... she wont let me walk out of the house without looking and smelling good. that makes her happy.

shotime - I agree that yelling is not a good idea. from what i have read and witnessed, yelling is not thai at all, and embarasses her. so i am trying to learn to do it the thai way, smile and dont express my emotion. i am from New York, we are accustomed to yelling at eachother about everything. this is going to be an interesting adjustment. my farang family will wonder what happened to me.

patklang - should i invest in the kevlar before the wedding? i dont mean to joke if you are serious...

GFL - I got buggered by my last thai gf, it was relentless until i had to walk. if my ex gf could only apply her relentlessness top something constructive she would have been a rich lady. Im still trying to set limitations, but after marriage i think those will be harder to set. I try to joke around as much as possible without being called ting tong and being laughed at as a fool. there is a fine line before they lose respect for you i think....

CMBruce - i try to keep "face" in mind as much as possible, although I really need to learn more about thai culture to know the do's and dont's. i gtend to not say much around people and fmaily i dont know to try and avoid offending them, and I do as my fiancee asks most of the time. And i have never chastised or even argued with her in front of anyone. I think thats bad taste even in the USA.

dinthai - i am nervous and I do have nagging doubts, but it is mostly cultural issues. I just want to try and see how other people live and what their stories are. I had nagging doubts before my first marriage which lasted 16 years....

G54 - I AGREE!!!!!!!!!!! Showing them you love them and that they are special for no particualr reason goes a long way. I asked my fiancee if it is ok if I send her flowers for Valentines Day, and she said yes its ok. I try to be proactive with her and give her what she needs before she asks for it.

samesame - maybe she will appreciate how hard i have worked for what i have when she comes to the USA. if my money grew on trees, i would be a good gardener. i think i have come across as wealthy even though I am not. i give her family money when it is not asked for but it is never alot at one time.

eek - you sound like a "romantic"

Thanks again to everyone for the thoughts ideas and best wishes!

Edited January 31, 2009 by rideswings

[Loaded]

She'll only want money from you if she knows you are stupid enough to give it. If you're not, she would have moved on long ago. It makes me laugh to read 'I married a Thai woman and all she wants is money' - only a weak, stupid and insecure man would allow this situation to arise.

[mc2]

I'd like to add :-

Marriage is never the same as courting. We often lose our way and forget the 'spark' still needs to be kept alive to fan the flames of love (in many ways as Eek, said). Be a friend too and confidant.

Yes, i think exactly! Often people when they get married or live together can get too used to each other and forget about having a "dating" train of thought. The benefits of settling down are great (if you are compatible) because you can feel comfortable and homey and relaxed. Its when things become too relaxed that you might wake up one day and realise that your partner and you havent felt passion for a long time, the sex has wained a LOT, you feel like your partner is like a best friend or even worse, like a mother/father/brother/sister! I think thats also when eyes can start wandering and minds start thinking the grass might be greener on the other side. Good to stop and have a think about your relationship sometimes if its getting toooo cosy, then try to think about your partner as someone you just met, think about all the things you would do to get them interested in you. Hopefully (with or without realising) it will cause them ito reciprocate and will bring a spark back into the relationship.

lol i thought you wrote 'comfortable and horney and relaxed'

anyhow your other post was better, this one you seems to be rambling.

[Geekfreaklover]

Please excuse this lengthy response to your posts:

Barry- My fiancee has already asked that we build a house on her farm after marriage. Is "Money Number One" a Thai book? Curious...

DavidO - I agree. My fiancee is much lower maintenance than my old farang GF, but I guess it depends on the person. And the last time we were together, I dragged her into a shoe store to buy new ones. Her old shoes were well worn. I loved to see her be able to choose any shoes she wanted. The most expensive pair was 1000 baht... very reasonable and she was very happy.

CMBruce - I have read both of those countless times, but I just wanted to get opinions from people other than the authors of the book. I agree that is has been and continues to be an adventure!

TAWP - 3 out of 4 aint bad...

h90 - i try to treat her as special as often as possible.

swain - i have offered her the book many times, and she glances at it now and again.

TAWP - always myself

neverdie - thanks for clarifying. i guess i had better get used to not knowing anything again... so much for singlehood and knowing everything... and thanks for the good wishes. I have shown more patience with her than with any other woman. I think she is worth it.

eek - marvelous post! Im going to print it out and carry it in my wallet... j/k! thanks for your thoughts and good wishes.

mattias - it sounds like our partners have alot in common, i think that is her perfect day too. personally, i am not crazy about tesco, but she loves it.

Garya - i think i got a good one. she never complains about much, and is happy with what she has been given. My old Thai gf was an "immature, jealous, insecure clinging vine type" which is why she is my ex gf.

spongeman - lottery winning would be nice... i would blow it all having paul mccartney play at my wedding...

GFL - we will be living in udon... and in the USA maybe some time next year if the Visa gets approved...

Tjan - you forgot to fill in the dots as was requested in my followup post. You get a demerit for todays class. Now go sit in the corner.

dunmall - can you repeat that for me??? lol and what does performing as a small boy entail? piano recitals for the old people? serving them lemonade?? lmao

wamberall - thanks for your polite and enlightening post. seems like what upsets your wife upsets mine too. she hates it when i get cranky, she just gets really quiet. and most of all something that just occurred to me... I must shower twice a day. and if i do it without her asking me a million times, she is really really happy. and if i put on clean clothing every day that makes her happy. being a bachelor for a long time, you just dont consider the other person sometimes... she wont let me walk out of the house without looking and smelling good. that makes her happy.

shotime - I agree that yelling is not a good idea. from what i have read and witnessed, yelling is not thai at all, and embarasses her. so i am trying to learn to do it the thai way, smile and dont express my emotion. i am from New York, we are accustomed to yelling at eachother about everything. this is going to be an interesting adjustment. my farang family will wonder what happened to me.

patklang - should i invest in the kevlar before the wedding? i dont mean to joke if you are serious...

GFL - I got buggered by my last thai gf, it was relentless until i had to walk. if my ex gf could only apply her relentlessness top something constructive she would have been a rich lady. Im still trying to set limitations, but after marriage i think those will be harder to set. I try to joke around as much as possible without being called ting tong and being laughed at as a fool. there is a fine line before they lose respect for you i think....

CMBruce - i try to keep "face" in mind as much as possible, although I really need to learn more about thai culture to know the do's and dont's. i gtend to not say much around people and fmaily i dont know to try and avoid offending them, and I do as my fiancee asks most of the time. And i have never chastised or even argued with her in front of anyone. I think thats bad taste even in the USA.

dinthai - i am nervous and I do have nagging doubts, but it is mostly cultural issues. I just want to try and see how other people live and what their stories are. I had nagging doubts before my first marriage which lasted 16 years....

G54 - I AGREE!!!!!!!!!!! Showing them you love them and that they are special for no particualr reason goes a long way. I asked my fiancee if it is ok if I send her flowers for Valentines Day, and she said yes its ok. I try to be proactive with her and give her what she needs before she asks for it.

samesame - maybe she will appreciate how hard i have worked for what i have when she comes to the USA. if my money grew on trees, i would be a good gardener. i think i have come across as wealthy even though I am not. i give her family money when it is not asked for but it is never alot at one time.

eek - you sound like a "romantic"

Thanks again to everyone for the thoughts ideas and best wishes!

Sounds like you are going into this with your eyes wide open. Best of luck to you sir.

[eek]

lol i thought you wrote 'comfortable and horney and relaxed'

anyhow your other post was better, this one you seems to be rambling.

..yes, i have a tendency to ramble sometimes! Must learn to quit while the goings good.

[neverdie]

Tjan - you forgot to fill in the dots as was requested in my followup post. You get a demerit for todays class. Now go sit in the corner.

ohh & rideswings....take everything you read here with a grain of salt.

also if you would like an extra lady....I can send you mine in the mail, but its a one way postage, ok?

[henryalleman]

Im planning on marrying a Thai woman in March. I would like to know what some of your experiences have been getting married to and being married to a Thai woman. Did anything change after you became husband and wife? What do you find makes her a happy woman? What do you do that really upsets her?

I am sorry, but I don't understand. You are marrying a woman in March and yet you are unaware what makes her happy and what makes her upset? Each person is an individual and you won't find this information on a forum. Might I suggest you ask your fiancee instead?

Correct, but I can tell you beforehand this will be again a topic of bashing and ranting Thai women by a bunch of losers.

[neverdie]

Im planning on marrying a Thai woman in March. I would like to know what some of your experiences have been getting married to and being married to a Thai woman. Did anything change after you became husband and wife? What do you find makes her a happy woman? What do you do that really upsets her?

I am sorry, but I don't understand. You are marrying a woman in March and yet you are unaware what makes her happy and what makes her upset? Each person is an individual and you won't find this information on a forum. Might I suggest you ask your fiancee instead?

Correct, but I can tell you beforehand this will be again a topic of bashing and ranting Thai women by a bunch of losers.

Ohhh wake up to yourself.....you don't need to be like that.

[GuestHouse]

I would experct there are as may different answers to this as there are Thai/Farang Marriages.

However, as a general rule, the basis on which the relationsip started is a pretty good guide to the way it will continue.

Edited January 31, 2009 by GuestHouse

[rideswings]

GFL - thanks!

GH - I agree. This relationship started very slowly in an old fashioned way and has been alot of work. Communication problems with languages, long distance relationship, cultural differences, and of course, money. But I think it will have a happy ending with continued work and understanding on both our parts.

[473geo]

Im planning on marrying a Thai woman in March. I would like to know what some of your experiences have been getting married to and being married to a Thai woman. Did anything change after you became husband and wife? What do you find makes her a happy woman? What do you do that really upsets her?

Some good replies here....I think make her feel special and important....yes....but also learn to say, no, when you need to make that decision, in both your interests. Give her confidence, praise her when she does well, be it a bargain at shopping, or a hard days work. Look to please her, but also show her what pleases you...after all a good wife wants you happy too. She wants to be seen to be taking good care of you.

If you want to really upset her.....take her to a farang bar.....leave her sitting in a corner and you go sit and get drunk for a couple of hours with your 'mates'......seen this too often!!!.........doesn't only upset Thai ladies by the way...

[Pakeha]

Not married yet (until April) but have been with my thai partner for quite some time - 6 years. Apart from the obvious that most people (male or female) expect in a genuine relationship - respect, love, caring, sharing, understanding etc.

She loves it when I cook her favourite thai food for her. Usually I can't eat it because it's so spicy!

She loves the fact I genuinely care about her family.

She loves it when I switch off (from work, mates, sports etc) and just be with her.

She loves the fact I constantly try to improve my understanding of thai culture and thai ways.

Basically, other than the bar girl types I imagine (no experience there sorry) I think thai women are perhaps less needy of being 'independent' than western women. In my experience thai women expect certain stereotyped roles in a relationship. If you do things (like cooking) because you want to, I think that makes the relationship much stronger. Then your partner will see that you really do care about her... not just about her because she makes you feel good.

My two cents. Good Luck.

[dumball]

I made my post the way I did early in the thread in an attempt to curtail the usual 50% plus of responses in that vien , it was hopefully a compilation of all such offerings .

The reference to the small boy , I even had a smirk on my face , was " Sit down , shut up and only speak when you are invited to do so , then you may answer with a YES or A NO ".

[spongeman]

The woman I married from Loei :

1) Earns the same as I do here in Dublin

2) Has loads of Land in Dansai

So its like its the Farang/Thai relationship in reverse!

Im the one looking for the Atm card and money to be sent home for the sick Buffalo!

Best of luck to ya man - Life is too short to worry.

(except if you have bank shares that is)

Edited January 31, 2009 by spongeman

[BigSnake]

Same as any woman, support, love understanding and by all meaning no ABUSE What make them angry: Number ONE having a MIA NOI(minor wife) NUFF said.

Edited January 31, 2009 by BigSnake

[mackayae]

To clarify, I am NOT asking what my fiancee likes, what do YOUR fiancees and wives like and what makes THEM happy?

She believes in love,

she believes in children,

she believes in mother and father,

and she believes in me.

[Youbloodybeauty]

She believes in love,

she believes in children,

she believes in mother and father,

and she believes in me.

Yes, expect she will want to help her family (if need).

In my case Mrs Youbloodybeauty sends money a few times a year but is no more than a Falang wife would spend on presents for her family in Falangland. Also, the odd time when it's more I say nothing as she works.

Latest is a wheelchair for her 99 year old Grandmother.

BTW after 16 years Mrs Youbloodybeauty has an Aussie accent but I still misunderstand as she mixes up "she/he/her/him".

Edited January 31, 2009 by Youbloodybeauty

[Naam]

To clarify, I am NOT asking what my fiancee likes, what do YOUR fiancees and wives like and what makes THEM happy?

Which would give you squat nothing of an insight. She likes cake.

mine likes cake too but dislikes thai women

[WaiWai]

And I may be wrong, but I think Naam likes his women to be women. I doubt he requires "tips" and I doubt he pays "compliments".

True intimacy and love develop over time. I can't believe I just typed that sentence.

Naam, please tell me you don't wink and say, "What colour are they today" ?

Edited January 31, 2009 by WaiWai

[Birdman]

Do not buy shoes for her for 1.000 THB. Why? She is a girl from a poor Isan farmer and not used to things like that. She properly could not afford cheap shoes. If you begin like that, showing her how cheap things here are for you to buy, the whole relationship will be based on that.

Even if you have a lot of money, try to stay right from the beginning a little bit higher than her financial status. Adjust here and there but not too much and not all the time and everywhere. Remember that, it is important for your life, except you are a troll, which I think you aren't.

If she asked already for a house that is a very bad sign. Best thing to do: Not buy now, let time go by and make your decision later.

My friend: You are in love, but she is not. She takes you, because she thinks you are a nice American and you can provide a good life for her and, probably, for her family.

Beware: There are more and more girls outside, who just wants to get married to a farang and after that just wanted to get divorced - with maximum profit.

[LevelHead]

Quite a funny thread really, the normal "numbskull brain dead responses" from those with "engrained prejudice".

Simple things really, I have been happily married to a nice Thai girl for nearly 20 years now. No issues or worries.

Compliments..........Thai girls like a few compliments, presents and surprises from time to time.

Keeping her in "wife mode".........you are the boss, this is Asia, you rule the house, you make decisions. Try to go about this "western fat pig ugly wife" way and discuss or ask.......and she will lose respect for you. Therefore, consult her opinion sometimes, but you make the decisions, even if really its what she wants, just do what she wants but it was your decision.

Face.........she has a certain "level" of face to keep, as will her family, if she is married to a farang. This means that certain things will be required, and it will cost a little money, but this is Asia, this is the way it works........men pay families for their girls, paying for the "costs" of raising a girl.....this is what a "dowry" is...........understand the needs and control it, do not let it control you.

If you have the right girl, you will be very happy.

Do not listen the nay sayers..........they are kind of like the people who follow ambulances to look at crashes...........they are only looking for the small percent that fail and ignore the large percentage that work fine.

[dave9988]

Im planning on marrying a Thai woman in March. I would like to know what some of your experiences have been getting married to and being married to a Thai woman. Did anything change after you became husband and wife? What do you find makes her a happy woman? What do you do that really upsets her?

if you dont know the answers yourself why r u getting married?

[eek]

Quite a funny thread really, the normal "numbskull brain dead responses" from those with "engrained prejudice".

Simple things really, I have been happily married to a nice Thai girl for nearly 20 years now. No issues or worries.

Compliments..........Thai girls like a few compliments, presents and surprises from time to time.

Keeping her in "wife mode".........you are the boss, this is Asia, you rule the house, you make decisions. Try to go about this "western fat pig ugly wife" way and discuss or ask.......and she will lose respect for you. Therefore, consult her opinion sometimes, but you make the decisions, even if really its what she wants, just do what she wants but it was your decision.

Face.........she has a certain "level" of face to keep, as will her family, if she is married to a farang. This means that certain things will be required, and it will cost a little money, but this is Asia, this is the way it works........men pay families for their girls, paying for the "costs" of raising a girl.....this is what a "dowry" is...........understand the needs and control it, do not let it control you.

If you have the right girl, you will be very happy.

Do not listen the nay sayers..........they are kind of like the people who follow ambulances to look at crashes...........they are only looking for the small percent that fail and ignore the large percentage that work fine.

You illustrated your point about "numbskull brain dead responses" and "engrained prejudice" clearly.

[skiman1]

Im planning on marrying a Thai woman in March. I would like to know what some of your experiences have been getting married to and being married to a Thai woman. Did anything change after you became husband and wife? What do you find makes her a happy woman? What do you do that really upsets her?

Money will be fine