Baby

[twix38]

Hello,

Some advice please.

My Thai girlfriend is pregnant. We plan to go ahead with birth, even though I expect to remain in England to live and work, visiting when I can (this may change in time). I would like to receive any advice at all on my situation and what options I have or what is generally felt to be the best course of action? An idea of how much (baht) is a reasonable monthy amount to send to support our baby would also be helpful. The whole situtation is a bit unclear as to the best options, but I am not ready to throw in a good job in UK or to marry my girlfriend right now, as this would not seem to improve the resulting situation of being without income etc. Just what do people do??   Thanks so much for your advice.

[Nam Kao]

Twix, where did you meet her? What does she do. Fill me in.

thanks

nam

[twix38]

Met just over a year ago in Sheraton Hotel, BKK. She works for Hotel.

[Nam Kao]

Well first off if she is/was a bargirl I woulkd say be very

careful.

Alot of time they use this story to scam falangs.

The falang heads home and then the news breaks "Oh

Johnny me pregnant me have your baby". A story they

know that will pull on your heartstrings.

Dont get me wrong, there are plenty of great Thai girls,

I married one and have 2 kids. Married 5 years no problems.

Some BKK girls have 5-6 falangs a month sending them $$

under this story.

Do know her background well? How long have you known her?

Where is she from / raised?

I can help, seen it all, PM me if you want to talk offline

regards

nam

[twix38]

Thanks Nam,

I know this old senario too.

However, this time it's different (How many times have you heard that!)  Actually it is different. She works for the Hotel and I did not meet her in the bars etc. I am certain enough about her being genuine. Back to my original questions. I have no idea how best to proceed and how much baht is realistic to support baby? Or what is best advice in the situation?  Thanks for advice in advance

[Nam Kao]

Well assuming everything is legit, i commend you on

having the baby and taking the responsibilty. I have

2 babies now aged 1 and 3 and besides finding my

Thai wife its the best thing that ever happened to me.

How the heck someone can have an abortion and kill

an innocent baby is beyond comprehension. And its not

just a fetus, the baby tries to evade as the Dr rips it apart

in the womb. Its documented even taped.

Is she gonna keep working til she has the baby, where

will she live after? will she work after having it?

Does she have health insurance?

How much $$ does she think she will need?

regards

nam

[Nam Kao]

Twix

I am offline til tomoro, i'll reply back

[Thetyim]

If you wish to be registered as the father then make sure she has a copy of your passport BEFORE the birth.

Regarding her allowance, you have not given us enough details here for an educated guesstimate.

Where will she be living?  In Bangers or back in a village.

It makes a big difference

[lopburi3]

Long term would recommend about 10k baht per month if she plans to continue working - with about 4k for nanny (or family member) to take care of child and the remainder for the child.

If you want to make this a long term relationship and provide for the future (maybe together later) would give more for her to put some into savings.  Plus whatever you feel she deserves for waiting for you.

[samuisam]

I know this sounds harsh, but I would suggest testing to make sure the child is your own.

[capital]

You got some decent replies already. I add a few more as a parent. Basically, 3,000 Baht is more than adequate, in fact it's being generous, at least untill he/she reaches the age of 3 when he/she will start kindergarden and as a result more expenses. Having kids in Thailand does not have to cost much... so beware!

[Bukseeda]

Something to condider :  (and this needs to be confirmed by someone as I'm not sure if I've got my facts right)  If a Thai woman either gets married to a foreigner or has a baby by one (i.e. registered as father), though I'm not sure which, then that child is not entitled to a free secondary education in the Thai state school system.   I seem to recall reading this in an article about inequality between men and women, i.e. this doesn't apply to a Thai man with a foreign woman.  Personally I wouldn't want my kids studying in the Thai secondary school system anyway, but if money may be an issue in the future then you need to find out if this is the case.

[plachon]

Twix,

If I was you and believe it's your baby, i'd get over to Thailand, give her the support and help she needs up to birth, make sure everything's OK, then decide between the two of you if you want to go back to your home country and raise the kid there. If not and you're hooked on your job and life back there and moving here's not an option, then your time here will have been well spent in learning her circumstances and can pay an appropriate maintenance. But don't leave her holding the baby, what ever you do!

PS, with your name you want to hope it's not twins!

[Spellbound]

Dont forget, the new Visa rules that may come into play nexy year  D.N.A has been talked about..

Just wondering how many pissed-off falangs there will be !!!

[mowlem]

Try and be there for the birth. For her sake and yours. DO a DNA test, cos there will be tons of people implying it isn't yours, including some of your (and her) friends, and it will eat away at you. Try to get a battery of tests done, Down's Syndrome, blood grouping  (neg blood groups are quite unusual in Thais, and thus important to know if the baby needs hospital treatment later for anything) etc., so it doesn't stand out.

[twix38]

Thanks to all for advice.

She plans to stay in BKK and continue work after baby is born.

I take it from average of replies that something around 7k a month in BKK (anyone disagree?) for child up to school age would be reasonable and whatever extra for girlfried on top of that?

Any other tips/advice/suggestions are all very helpful.

I cannot say for sure what will happen in fact or where she will live. There is much still to sort out and that may change. Hence the request for advice/ideas to have a good understanding of the options available and things I should do/check.

How may D.N.A. and the new visa rules effect this situation?

If we both decided to go to England with baby, then I assume the only way is to get married? What other issues does that senario present?

Plachon. Sound advice and sure, with my handle, I hope it's not a family pack of 4!!

Nam, thanks for all you kind advice. Appreciate it.

[Nam Kao]

Twix, 7,000 is very generous, if she asks for more let me talk to her.

Good luck

nam

[kwiz117]

Hi

I think you are trying to answer this question from money here, and now want to know what is the amount you will have to send exactly every month.

Let me tell you little about me. I was doing a very good job and holding a top position one of the MNC’s in my Country. I first met my Thai GF, during an official visit to Bangkok. But I got to know her before through the “American Singles” dating site. After I met her in Bangkok and fallen in love with her, visited her many times frequently to see her and to get to know her more and understand each other. [she is a university student]

Obviously, like a gentleman and thinking about her as my future partner or may be my wife, I had to take a firm decision. That is, whether she comes to my country or I move to Thailand. Since she was studying and very young, thought the only option for me is to sacrifice the “Big Salary and Perks” and re-locate myself to Thailand. As a result of my deicision, 3 yrs back I moved to Thailand somehow getting a non-immigrant B visa but without any job. That was the risk I took to show my love to her and to show how much I care for her.

After that, many good things happened to both of us as we planned and started living together in a Condo.

Today after 3 Yrs, I am working for a good MNC in Bangkok as a Consultant and get more than I lost by sacrificing the Good job. I got a good job and more importantly we are together.

I am suprised to hear that you do not have much feeling for your unborn child. We still do not have children.

I think that you should think very carefully about your relationship with your GF. [Not about DNA Test or money] Is she having a good time here without you? Is she getting all medical treatments and food needed for her health? Is she having any family members to help her or take her to Clinics etc, as Thailand does not have high standards in many hospitals?

Think..!!! All these things effect to your unborn child and your GF’s life. One reply say sending 7,000 Bht is very generous and another reply suggests 3,000 Bht, another reply talk about saving money in Schooling in the future.. Sad..sad..sad…What a way to look at this issue?

Is anyone think for your GF and her condition mental and physical. She basically is getting ready to have a kid without a Father in Thailand. Did you think about this when you had the relationship with her?

Sorry.. If I have written anything that hurt your feelings. But you are going to be so lucky if you can be with her at the time She needs you.

By the way, we are going to get married in this December.

If you can take a move for her, I am sure you will not regret for the rest of your life. [Assuming that you two are in love]

Sending Money will not be the answer.

If you need any help, please email us at [email protected].

[capital]

I stand by what I said earlier. Anything more than the 3,000 Baht a month is being over-generous. In Thailand, that is a sign of weakness and a big NO NO and you won't gain respect for it either. In fact the family might think you're a billionaire and papa and mama will need there hospital bills paid. Suss your wife to be out for a couple of years, why throwing money at her?

ps

Be especially careful with ladies from the Northeast of Thailand. And if the baby is staying in some village upcountry, then 1,500 Baht a month would be more than enough!

[mowlem]

3,000 baht a month?

How the #### is she going to live on that? In Bangkok?

Apparently she had a good job, maybe pay what she earned at her job. What will YOUR child think when it grows up. "Oh my Dad was a tight arse who didn't give a shit"?

Reality time... Are you really committed to her, or was this a bonk gone wrong?

[en184]

You should consider putting your job on hold and going over to be with her while she has the baby.  You will regret it big time if she has an abortion because you where not arround to support her.

It is not enough to send money.  You need to be together.  Try getting her over to the UK on a tourist/ student visa.  

You should consider where the baby will live.  Do you need to buy a condo in bangkok.  What about school.  Where will it go to school.  Would you want an english school for your kid?

You are a lucky man.  Good luck.

[twix38]

Thank you all for such good and interesting advice.

If the decision was straight forward I would quit my job and go to live with my girlfriend and work in Thailand instead.  However, unless I am mistaken the reality would mean that I could not work in Thailand and thus support my family. What would we live on? Should I ask her to support us both after giving birth? I know love conquers all, but I am 42 yo and right now I cannot imagine how we could survive, be happy and make it work, as I do not have a pot of money. Since returning from my travels I just have a job in the UK and very little savings now.  Maybe I have got the financial situation I would find myself in, in Thailand wrong?? Love, if it truly is love on both sides, would be hard pressed on its own to see us struggle from day one with a baby on the way and financial worries.

To some this may sound too pragmatic and sensible on an emotional issue. I have been here before and ask if it can work in Thailand when a girl supports a Falang with no money or job and what chance is there that she would accept this situation long term or even short term herself.

Any and all other advice greatly appreciated.

[twix38]

Other options like both of us living in the UK are possible, but would I need to marry her first?  That feels a step too far right now. It seems that the geographical situation either requires me with no job and little funding living in Thailand, or marriage and we can all live in the UK together. We have only discussed my visiting her frequently and supporting my family in Thailand so far, as the best initial situation and then everything is possible once we see how things go and have time to evaluate our lives.  I intend to be present for the birth and as much time as I can get.

[Nam Kao]

Twix, take her back to England and get a ring on her.

Thai girls are the best, and be happy you didnt end up w/ a lady falang

[mrentoul]

I am not ready to throw in a good job in UK or to marry my girlfriend right now, as this would not seem to improve the resulting situation of being without income etc. Just what do people do??

Idiots give up their jobs to live here on nothing. Sensible people carry on with their careers.

Disregard advice from people who wonder out loud if you're ''hooked on chasing the dollar'' and suchlike.

This woman will probably have a family to support her. Financially and in other respects, Thais are resourceful. She won't be battling alone.

However, unless I am mistaken the reality would mean that I could not work in Thailand and thus support my family. What would we live on? Should I ask her to support us both after giving birth?

You're perceptive. Many westerners effectively ask their wives to do just that, and it doesn't work.

As a result of my deicision, 3 yrs back I moved to Thailand somehow getting a non-immigrant B visa but without any job. That was the risk I took to show my love to her and to show how much I care for her.

Most cases won't work out as well as this guy's. For now you should stay where you are. Your own family (ie parents) might like a say in this as well.

[buasaard]

Twix,

assuming that the son/daughter is yours, I think the best option is to take both to your home country (also without marrying). I think they will grant a visa to the mother of an infant citizen.

Being faraway I think will not work, and also you will not be a good example to your son.Arguments will raise on the maintenance level, she will accuse you to not to send enough money and so on.And eventually you could even not to see your son anymore. Don't forget that for her you are most likely a rich farang "khiniaw", expecially because she works at the Sheraton where farangs spend an incredible amount of money, she does not work at a guest house.

On the contrary if she comes to your country, she will see that life is not so easy here as they think (surely easier than theirs anyway) and not all farangs can go to sleep at the Sheraton.(But I guess you can, since you met there).

I take it from average of replies that something around 7k a month in BKK (anyone disagree?)

I read this comment of yours after writing the above, and now I think she is right, you are "khiniaw".

Of course it depends on you salary and your expenditures (if you have to pay a house rent), personally me and my wife send every month 7K a month to her mother and her brother (he is permanently sick and cannot work), and I wish we could send more. But I can't afford sleeping at the Sheraton.

Life is not so cheap in Thailand, if you want for your son a decent life.

I insist, the best option in my opinion is to take them with you. It's risky? Life is always a risk.

[capital]

This woman will probably have a family to support her. Financially and in other respects, Thais are resourceful. She won't be battling alone.

Spot on. And after 2 - 3 months, she'll very likely leave the kid with her family while at work at Sheraton. So 3,000 Baht is more than adequate..... untill he/she starts kindergarden.

let's not forget that it is the responsibility of both parents to financially support the child (different story of course if the mother were to stay home full-time).

Over & out!

[buasaard]

let's not forget that it is the responsibility of both parents to financially support the child

Of course, but in proportion of their incomes. It's his son(assuming), not a stranger. And the son should have the same level of life as his father.

Do you have an idea of costs of Pampers, milk powder, not to mention doctors.

How much, would he have to pay if the baby stayed in UK?

Sure, let's spend 3,000 bath in one evening at home , let's spend 5,000 bath for one night stay in a hotel and forget the baby, after all he's not really one of us he's a "look kreung".

[easymoney]

Twix

On Money pre birth:

1. Depending on medical facility about 600 a month at goverment facility plus 1 ultra sound 500, ds test if she is over 32 at goverment 3k, delivery 14,000 no comps. At Bumrungrad 1250 a month,ultra sound 1200, DS 6000, delivery 33k.

2. DNA test 5k

3. Meds for mom ie vitamins 300

4. transportation 100-300

5. food for mama just send wallet

After Birth

1.Monthly support for baby Well, I have six month old and she cost about 600 for milk, Pampers 648, clothing 600(cheap stuff) if fire retardant 2500, shots 1500, transportation 100 to 300.

2. Mom was use to 15 to 20 k at Sheraton, I know wife worked Hyatt and salary and service charge divide about same.

I don't know your total situation but if you are working for a good company I would think you could get medical leave for your childs birth. It is very important for Thais to have you around plus sheer joy of see baby at birth.

All said run DNA although this girl should be okay as she took a chance of losing a good job to be with you.

[pnustedt]

That feels a step too far right now.

Martin - firstly congratulations!

You have already taken the step too far. My advice, for what it's worth - marry her without hesitation (if she will marry you), ideally before the birth of your child.

Do not give up your job (you would have a family to support).

Get your family back to the UK so you can stay together in a financially secure environment and provide for your child's future education.

Maybe later in life, when you have less responsibility, you can live in Thailand - but it needs planning for.

Take control. It sounds daunting but you could look back on this situation as one of the most rewarding periods of your life - I wish you and your family the best of luck.