Disciplining Your Children In Thailand

[rideswings]

My fiancee and I had a brief discussion on how we will discipline our children when we have them, and she believes that its ok to use corporal punishment a little to correct their behavior. I disagree and neither I nor my ex farang wife have never laid a hand on my 15 year old daughter and I think she turned out ok. I resort to other methods when she is not behaving properly such as solitary confinement from her friends or restricting her activities, but would never strike my child.

Is it part of Thai culture to use corporal punishment on your own children? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I am not really interested in knowing personal opinions on whether corporal punishment is effective on an individual basis, I am simply trying to find out that since my fiancee believes in it, do most Thais believe in it as well, and is it part of Buddhism? And if I refuse to let her use it on my children will it cause me to lose face with her and her family? If I ever saw her of her family hit my kid, I would be very angry.

I have stayed in Thailand more than a year and I dont know if I have ever seen a parent hitting a child.

Edited February 28, 2009 by rideswings

[Pakeha]

Not sure about the general rule but my (thai) partner doesn't hit our child and I certainly don't. Her brothers and sisters don't hit their kids either but ONE of her brother in laws does. He beat the <deleted> out of one of them and the poor kid had to go to hospital.

I think it comes down to the individuals but I'd geuss it's not standard practice.

If anyone hit my kid - thai or farang, family / friend or whomever - I'd break their arms.

Buddhism states non-violence - so NO, hitting is not part of Buddhist practice.

EDIT: Spelling

Edited February 28, 2009 by byoung2

[neverdie]

well rideswings,

You know my story, I live amoungst alot of kids in this family, theres even a couple of naughty ones, who I have seen get the odd wack here and there....ive even had a little swipe at one who just couldnt be told & I believe in backing up my warnings. Naturally after that the child went running off to its mother, who swiftly gave it another one & looked at me & ed.

Having said that, I have not seen all the children there smacked because not all of them require it, in fact I have stated that wrongly because I've only seen two of the naughty ones smack & the rest are very well behaved. Violence is not part of the family, none of them drink & they are all extremely buddhist. I think it comes down to a point with a small percentage of children, when all else fails. Naturally there are going to be those who flame me for saying so....like I care. The children are normally very well behaved and extremely respectful & it hasnt been beaten into them, its been good parenting.

Since you don't want people to go into, I will only point out that theres a big difference in backing your discipline on your child with some short sharp encouragement if required (& certainly not by all children) AS Opposed to an all out beating ...which im sure would be frowned upon.

Edited February 28, 2009 by neverdie

[johna]

Yes corporal punishment is accepted in Thai culture.

Corporal punishment is used in schools, but I think it may be illegal.

Parents have complained that their children have suffered serious injuries, and as a result some teachers have been prosecuted.

The custom here is that the head of the family can treat his family as he pleases, it’s a private matter, and as long as it is reasonable will rarely if ever result in any social or legal action

My daughter and her friend were playing with one of them pretending to be a teacher saying,

"hold out your hand so I can slap you and if you tell your mother I will slap you twice as hard"

So I guess it is still going on.

[ukrules]

If anyone hit my kid - thai or farang, family / friend or whomever - I'd break their arms.

You should hope that their parents or friends don't feel the same way.

[neverdie]

byoung, You know I'm a fan, so Im not trying to start an all in brawl but regarding you comment:

Buddhism states non-violence - so NO, hitting is not part of Buddhist practice.

I say fair enuf, BUT, Buddhism states alot of things, for example about the taking of alcohol and drugs, allowing ones mind to be affected etc.....yet millions upon millions of Buddhist thais still drink, smoke etc, not even going to mention the voilence in the streets here.

Actually recently whilst at a temple, I commented to my better half about a small group of monks standing around smoking cigarettes, I accept that these monks were just doing a months stint, or a couple of months before they return to their normal state, but.....can you see my point?

Edited February 28, 2009 by neverdie

[Gary A]

Spare the rod and spoil the child. I'm a firm believer that no one can reason with a child. They DO understand and remember a good swat. A good swat is preferable to a child getting hurt or even killed because they wouldn't listen to warnings about dangers.

[Travel2003]

Yes corporal punishment is accepted in Thai culture.

Corporal punishment is used in schools, but I think it may be illegal.

Parents have complained that their children have suffered serious injuries, and as a result some teachers have been prosecuted.

The custom here is that the head of the family can treat his family as he pleases, it’s a private matter, and as long as it is reasonable will rarely if ever result in any social or legal action

My daughter and her friend were playing with one of them pretending to be a teacher saying,

"hold out your hand so I can slap you and if you tell your mother I will slap you twice as hard"

So I guess it is still going on.

I dont think it is illegal in the schools.

My brother works in one of the Universities, and tell me almost daily about how his Thai colleagues use the bamboo stick.

The teachers sometimes lay the kids over the desk in the middle of the class and hit them over the back or buttocks infront of everybody.

The rest of the class, as the kids they are, they love this show, not thinking that they might be next if they get caught being naughty.

The teachers also slap the kids in the back of their heads.

Yes, you are right, some teachers have really gone overboard and been prosecuted for being too brutal.

After a meeting with the University management, my brother was surprised to learn that it is the schools job to not only to educate the kids, but to raise them as decent people as well.

The latter is normally what the parents do back home.

[473geo]

I agree more with a firm tap on the bum.....just a reminder...not intended to inflict pain...showing your authority and displaying your displeasure at the actions of the child. If used very sparingly....the shock of the action alone has the desired effect...there is no requirement to inflict pain. That said when my young boy bit me!!.....I remembered an old childhood remedy...I bit him back!......guess what.....he now understands that biting hurts!!!...hasn't bitten me since.....but tries to bite more 'tolerant' people who appear to think it is ok for him to use them as a teething ring!!.....so what does that tell you?

The pain system is a way that the body recognises that something can have an adverse effect on your health. I guess we all got singed,burnt one time and another...it is the resulting pain that commits the warning about fire to the memory for future reference.

In my opinion the major deciding factor is 'the crime' committed......agree with Gary...when real danger is involved it is important to get the message across in whatever manner you feel the child will take the warning on board. Slapping a child because it cries too much however is futile and ignorant...the parent should be looking for a cause.

I do not condone 'violence' against any child.....but with the correct parental judgement the tap on the bum will prove a useful tool in alerting the child quickly to danger.

My Thai relatives use the tap on the bum method....I know they have no interest in hurting my children, their actions are to assist in learning the 'rules' of life. Like not pulling up the garden plants!! I have noticed the more frequently used guiding factor is the 'raised' voice...has a similar effect. In general the care and concern lavished on children here by all members of the community I find very refreshing.

Edit......sorry re-read initial post about personal opinions......ooops.....

Edited February 28, 2009 by 473geo

[jkinbkk]

Anyone who hits their kid's are cowards

Your kids will always be your kids and will not always do as you want, but when the kids get to 16 years old and 6 feet tall the middle age parents then stop hitting them....cowards!

Those same parents don't start hitting other adults with whom they might have a disagreement because it will hurt if another adult whacks them back.

Those parents who hit their kids do it for the simple reason that kids are small and won't hit back....f**king cowards!

[Gary A]

Yeah, I'm a coward. I'm afraid to see a child get his face ripped off by a dog or to get run over by a car or truck. You on the other hand can feel perfectly free to get your face torn off by a dog that didn't want to be bothered or if you want to be run over on the street, that's up to you too.

[venturalaw]

Yes corporal punishment is accepted in Thai culture.

Corporal punishment is used in schools, but I think it may be illegal.

Parents have complained that their children have suffered serious injuries, and as a result some teachers have been prosecuted.

The custom here is that the head of the family can treat his family as he pleases, it’s a private matter, and as long as it is reasonable will rarely if ever result in any social or legal action

My daughter and her friend were playing with one of them pretending to be a teacher saying,

"hold out your hand so I can slap you and if you tell your mother I will slap you twice as hard"

So I guess it is still going on.

I dont think it is illegal in the schools.

My brother works in one of the Universities, and tell me almost daily about how his Thai colleagues use the bamboo stick.

The teachers sometimes lay the kids over the desk in the middle of the class and hit them over the back or buttocks infront of everybody.

The rest of the class, as the kids they are, they love this show, not thinking that they might be next if they get caught being naughty.

The teachers also slap the kids in the back of their heads.

Yes, you are right, some teachers have really gone overboard and been prosecuted for being too brutal.

After a meeting with the University management, my brother was surprised to learn that it is the schools job to not only to educate the kids, but to raise them as decent people as well.

The latter is normally what the parents do back home.

My Thai wife said that bamboo sticks use to be used, but no longer. I hope that my wife is correct because if anyone hits my child, the offender will be wishing for death by the time I am finished with him/her.

[scottyd]

I think smacking kids is ok, but not hit them like you would an adult. Like one of the posters above said, a light smack on the arse and its more of the shock rather than the pain that gets the message across.

jknbkk if my 6 foot 16 year old deserves a smack, he will get one, although it will be more of a hit than a smack. Laid out. Joking aside, I think you have completley missed the point jknbkk.

Edited February 28, 2009 by scottyd

[Sir Burr]

Since smacking children and corporal punishment has been made illegal in the West, parents and teachers are afraid of the children. Class discipline is shot to hel_l and the good children that do want to learn, can't because of the behaviour of the few that disrupt the class.

I sit firmly in the "I was smacked as a child and it didn't do me any harm" school.

[Alwaysright]

I think smacking kids is ok, but not hit them like you would an adult. Like one of the posters above said, a light smack on the arse and its more of the shock rather than the pain that gets the message across.

jknbkk if my 6 foot 16 year old deserves a smack, he will get one, although it will be more of a hit than a smack. Laid out.

Just pull their hair.

[loong]

In rural Thailand corporal punishment is alive and well.

Children are beaten with sticks and coathangers.

It does appear to be less common now though and have you noticed that Thai teenagers are not as pleasant as they once were?

When I use my stern voice with our 3 year old it seems to hurt her much more than a beating would.

[Arkady]

Yes corporal punishment is accepted in Thai culture.

Corporal punishment is used in schools, but I think it may be illegal.

Parents have complained that their children have suffered serious injuries, and as a result some teachers have been prosecuted.

The custom here is that the head of the family can treat his family as he pleases, it’s a private matter, and as long as it is reasonable will rarely if ever result in any social or legal action

My daughter and her friend were playing with one of them pretending to be a teacher saying,

"hold out your hand so I can slap you and if you tell your mother I will slap you twice as hard"

So I guess it is still going on.

I dont think it is illegal in the schools.

My brother works in one of the Universities, and tell me almost daily about how his Thai colleagues use the bamboo stick.

The teachers sometimes lay the kids over the desk in the middle of the class and hit them over the back or buttocks infront of everybody.

The rest of the class, as the kids they are, they love this show, not thinking that they might be next if they get caught being naughty.

The teachers also slap the kids in the back of their heads.

Yes, you are right, some teachers have really gone overboard and been prosecuted for being too brutal.

After a meeting with the University management, my brother was surprised to learn that it is the schools job to not only to educate the kids, but to raise them as decent people as well.

The latter is normally what the parents do back home.

Really surprised about university students getting caned. Corporal punishment in all schools in Thailand was made illegal within the last 10 years. I doubt that it happens in any reputable international schools today but it is still alive and well in Thai private and government schools. The girl who was caned in Bangkok last year for missing school due to attending a protest (that she apparently didn't attend) was given 18 strokes (I think it was based on a pre-arranged tariff of strokes per class missed). The outcry in the media was about the number of strokes she received, not that she was illegally caned. An Education Ministry spokeswoman confirmed that caning was illegal but the ministry failed to take any action against the school or the teacher and the school supported the teacher. That's Thailand. Rules were made to be broken and the young have it illegally beaten in them that influential people can break the law with inpunity and the government will not protect them. My other half at the age of 10 was beaten in a Thai government schooll along with the whole class with a heavy stick the size of a broom handle resulting in extensive bruising and pain in sitting down. It doesn't seem to have made her respectful of her elders!

Regarding corporal punishment in the family, it is widespread and the police wouldn't get involved unless there was a serious injury. I am sure it is also illegal in the family. It would count as an assault under the Criminal Code but doubt a court would take the case, if it was a standard parental cuffing. In England in Victorian times there was a famous case of a school master who was acquitted after he beat a school boy to death with a brass rod during a four hour corporal punishment session. The court took the view that the punishment was for the boy's own good and that the teacher wasn't to know the boy suffered from such fragile health as to have the impertinence to die after a four hour beating. Many cases of assault against teachers in the UK were dropped by courts until the canes and tauses were finally laid to rest.

Having said all of that I really think that you should be trying to figure out how you can avoid having your children flogged at school or anywhere else, not how you can get away with assaulting them yourself. Having been to serious corporal punishment schools myself and been on the receiving end at home, I can assure you it does nothing but entrench a sense of unfairness and a deep disrespect for authority in young people. I am not talking about the odd light slap. I don't beat my dogs either with no ill effects on their behaviour, although canine corporal punishment is also considered de rigueur in Thailand. It think it is about suppressing your natural sadistic tendencies and caring responsibly for your child (and dog). Alternatively a vasectomy might solve the problem.

Edited February 28, 2009 by Arkady

[venturalaw]

Since smacking children and corporal punishment has been made illegal in the West, parents and teachers are afraid of the children. Class discipline is shot to hel_l and the good children that do want to learn, can't because of the behaviour of the few that disrupt the class.

I sit firmly in the "I was smacked as a child and it didn't do me any harm" school.

The advent of children becoming less civilized is not caused by a lack of physical discipline. It's caused by an ever increasing lack of attention, and/or caring support, by the children's parents while much of civilization is, to borrow a phrase, slouching toward Gomorrah. Additionally there are less intact families to provide adequate role models. Spare the rod - spoil the child is a myth that has provided a fertile environment for generations of child abuse.

Edited February 28, 2009 by venturalaw

[Brigante7]

My fiancee and I had a brief discussion on how we will discipline our children when we have them, and she believes that its ok to use corporal punishment a little to correct their behavior. I disagree and neither I nor my ex farang wife have never laid a hand on my 15 year old daughter and I think she turned out ok. I resort to other methods when she is not behaving properly such as solitary confinement from her friends or restricting her activities, but would never strike my child.

Is it part of Thai culture to use corporal punishment on your own children? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I am not really interested in knowing personal opinions on whether corporal punishment is effective on an individual basis, I am simply trying to find out that since my fiancee believes in it, do most Thais believe in it as well, and is it part of Buddhism? And if I refuse to let her use it on my children will it cause me to lose face with her and her family? If I ever saw her of her family hit my kid, I would be very angry.

I have stayed in Thailand more than a year and I dont know if I have ever seen a parent hitting a child.

What do you class as corporal punishment, Slapping a childs fingers if they stick their fingers in a socket or beating the child because it spillt a glass of water?

There is a massive difference between smacking a childs lef or fingers and beating a child although most of the PC brigade wil want any parent who smacks their kids hung drawn and quartered, my wife has smacked our son if needed at the time.

[Travel2003]

Yes corporal punishment is accepted in Thai culture.

Corporal punishment is used in schools, but I think it may be illegal.

Parents have complained that their children have suffered serious injuries, and as a result some teachers have been prosecuted.

The custom here is that the head of the family can treat his family as he pleases, it’s a private matter, and as long as it is reasonable will rarely if ever result in any social or legal action

My daughter and her friend were playing with one of them pretending to be a teacher saying,

"hold out your hand so I can slap you and if you tell your mother I will slap you twice as hard"

So I guess it is still going on.

I dont think it is illegal in the schools.

My brother works in one of the Universities, and tell me almost daily about how his Thai colleagues use the bamboo stick.

The teachers sometimes lay the kids over the desk in the middle of the class and hit them over the back or buttocks infront of everybody.

The rest of the class, as the kids they are, they love this show, not thinking that they might be next if they get caught being naughty.

The teachers also slap the kids in the back of their heads.

Yes, you are right, some teachers have really gone overboard and been prosecuted for being too brutal.

After a meeting with the University management, my brother was surprised to learn that it is the schools job to not only to educate the kids, but to raise them as decent people as well.

The latter is normally what the parents do back home.

My Thai wife said that bamboo sticks use to be used, but no longer. I hope that my wife is correct because if anyone hits my child, the offender will be wishing for death by the time I am finished with him/her.

I am sorry to say it but your dear Thai wife is not properly informed.

They might be not a standard issue anymore, or even banned, but they are very much in use, daily in Bangkok schools and Universities.

[yabaaaa]

well rideswings,

You know my story, I live amoungst alot of kids in this family, theres even a couple of naughty ones, who I have seen get the odd wack here and there....ive even had a little swipe at one who just couldnt be told & I believe in backing up my warnings. Naturally after that the child went running off to its mother, who swiftly gave it another one & looked at me & ed.

Having said that, I have not seen all the children there smacked because not all of them require it, in fact I have stated that wrongly because I've only seen two of the naughty ones smack & the rest are very well behaved. Violence is not part of the family, none of them drink & they are all extremely buddhist. I think it comes down to a point with a small percentage of children, when all else fails. Naturally there are going to be those who flame me for saying so....like I care. The children are normally very well behaved and extremely respectful & it hasnt been beaten into them, its been good parenting.

Since you don't want people to go into, I will only point out that theres a big difference in backing your discipline on your child with some short sharp encouragement if required (& certainly not by all children) AS Opposed to an all out beating ...which im sure would be frowned upon.

Thank (insert higher being here or whatever) some people are sensible about this. Some kid s need it some dont simple as that. Flame away!!

[fresnoboy]

Spare the rod and spoil the child. I'm a firm believer that no one can reason with a child. They DO understand and remember a good swat. A good swat is preferable to a child getting hurt or even killed because they wouldn't listen to warnings about dangers.

I agree !!!!!!!!!

If more parents took time to discipline their children, there would be less violence and more social order. Just My Humble Opinion !

Edited February 28, 2009 by fresnoboy

[neverdie]

Anyone who hits their kid's are cowards

Your kids will always be your kids and will not always do as you want, but when the kids get to 16 years old and 6 feet tall the middle age parents then stop hitting them....cowards!

Those same parents don't start hitting other adults with whom they might have a disagreement because it will hurt if another adult whacks them back.

Those parents who hit their kids do it for the simple reason that kids are small and won't hit back....f**king cowards!

What a stupid comment, I was going to highlight which part I am referring to but its the entire post.

Has it ever dawned on you that if a child has been brought up correctly, it most likely wont need smacking by the times its the age you quoted. Some people .

Let me tell you, I spent many years locking up young kids in all sorts of bad situations, pulling them out of stolen cars & the like. An overwhealming majority of them were from familys that didnt disapline their children and most certainly were not actively involved in the childs supervision & development. No B.S. whatsoever.

Everyone is on the same page here, nobody was talking about beating a child.

Edited February 28, 2009 by neverdie

[Gary A]

Quality of education in schools is dropping because of the lack of good qualified teachers. Because teachers have to live in fear of their students, many choose different careers. The liberal PC'ers are responsible for the total lack of discipline in the schools, homes and in the streets.

[Scott]

Best of luck to you. Corporal punishment is alive and well in Thailand--even in schools, where it is illegal. Schools, now, however, are careful not to use 'excessive' force or bruises, but the ruler is still out and used.

Most people here are not quick to hit or spank, but when worse gets to worse, they will.

If your partner believes in it, she will undoubtedly use it, but that if you don't, then it's best not to.

[Birdman]

No need to hit the kids.

Only people with serious problems in their own lives do that.

[britmaveric]

Since smacking children and corporal punishment has been made illegal in the West, parents and teachers are afraid of the children. Class discipline is shot to hel_l and the good children that do want to learn, can't because of the behaviour of the few that disrupt the class.

I sit firmly in the "I was smacked as a child and it didn't do me any harm" school.

I do agree, got quite a few deserved hidings or clips on the head. I firmly believe that is why most kids these days lack discipline and don't understand consequences like we did growing up.

Yes - Miss Brit believes in corporal punishment.

[luisparis]

Best of luck to you. Corporal punishment is alive and well in Thailand--even in schools, where it is illegal. Schools, now, however, are careful not to use 'excessive' force or bruises, but the ruler is still out and used.

Most people here are not quick to hit or spank, but when worse gets to worse, they will.

If your partner believes in it, she will undoubtedly use it, but that if you don't, then it's best not to.

Dizzy reading this thread... what kind of freaky foreigners send their kids to thai schools ? is corporal punishment happening at all in International Schools ?? Which one ?

[OldenAtwoody]

You won't see anyone hitting their kids in public in Thailand. They thump them in private so they won’t have to do it in public.

If you've never, ever hit your girl in 15 years, and she's "OK", then consider yourself lucky, with today's distractions placed before them.

My fiancee and I had a brief discussion on how we will discipline our children when we have them, and she believes that its ok to use corporal punishment a little to correct their behavior. I disagree and neither I nor my ex farang wife have never laid a hand on my 15 year old daughter and I think she turned out ok. I resort to other methods when she is not behaving properly such as solitary confinement from her friends or restricting her activities, but would never strike my child.

Is it part of Thai culture to use corporal punishment on your own children? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I am not really interested in knowing personal opinions on whether corporal punishment is effective on an individual basis, I am simply trying to find out that since my fiancee believes in it, do most Thais believe in it as well, and is it part of Buddhism? And if I refuse to let her use it on my children will it cause me to lose face with her and her family? If I ever saw her of her family hit my kid, I would be very angry.

I have stayed in Thailand more than a year and I dont know if I have ever seen a parent hitting a child.

[manjara]

I have the utmost respect for any parents who can raise a decent, responsible child without resorting to any form of corporal punishment...or psychological punishment, which is likely to be just as damaging, just in a different way.

Personally I try not to hit the kids but I have succumbed a few times, when there was just no other way (IMHO)

My wife uses it more than me, and I do try and point out the paradox of "Don't hit ...(bang)... your sister...(bang)...she's smaller than you! (bang)".

Talk about mixed messages...

So long as your children feel loved and secure, they will be fine