Disciplining Your Children In Thailand

[StreetCowboy]

Half a century ago when l was at school we had every kind of physical punishment, for serious stuff and for teacher fun BUT, it did not do me any harm and taught me a lot about behavior and respect. Of course there are the few teachers who were nutters but we behaved even better with those so for me it worked. My Mrs says l can clump her son but l have learned with him a look works wonders.

I only received the tawse once and I really don't think it did me any good.

The threat was more symbolic than anything, and the teachers who could 'really lay the tawse' would command discipline in any case.

However, as a clear mark of punishment, it was effective; not for the pain, but for the clear demarcation of when you were being punished; the extent of punishment - 2, 4, 6 - always an even number, except maybe in rare cases a singleton. And a punishment clearly defined, completed and effectively - not forgiven, nor forgotten, but delivered immediately, completed; and ready to start anew.

BUt if a child did not wish to show discipline, then it became futile, since the teacher could not reasonably inflict sufficient pain to really motivate a genuinely rebellious child to comply; it was symbolism, rather than abuse...

SC

[manarak]

to the OP:

no, corporal punishment is not part of Buddhism

yes, corporal punishment is frequent in Thai families when the child is impervious to understanding

and, if I may add, you make no sense at all.

you offer "solitary confinement" as an alternative, but that is widely recognized as a method of TORTURE.

I too had some deserved spanks and whacks from time to time, and I do believe it to be better than your psychoterror methods.

[paulrobertlane]

Your wife is wrong. I worked at a school only recently where every Thai teacher walked round with a cane. Do you know what ? In those lessons the kids were actually well behaved because they knew if they weren't they were going to get a wack. Compare that to the foreign teacher lessons where all hel_l broke loose because the kids knew they weren't going to get a wack. All these people saying they will hit anyone who hits their kids obviously don't have much experience of Thai schools.

Whether you think it works or not is irrelevant. You worked in a school where (according to you) EVERY (your words) Thai teacher was a criminal!!

I dont have strong views about CP in schools but I have strong views about people teaching my kids who have no respect for the law.

[onnut]

Half a century ago when l was at school we had every kind of physical punishment, for serious stuff and for teacher fun BUT, it did not do me any harm and taught me a lot about behavior and respect. Of course there are the few teachers who were nutters but we behaved even better with those so for me it worked. My Mrs says l can clump her son but l have learned with him a look works wonders.

I was beaten black and blue when I was a kid weekly, my sister even recieved a couple of broken ribs at the age of 9 just for coming home late from school! this was a something that we got used to as kids. we had a mad mother though who would fly off the handle for nothing. it was not fun but that was all we had and knew at the time. I do remember that all 3 of us were terrified of our own mum and neither of us have spoken to her for years. the beatings were one thing but the verble bullshite she came out with was unreal! A very sick person! oneday I was taken away from home and put into a boarding school where the teachers there were sadists!

jeeez, no wonder I live so far away from home!

Now I have a child myself I am very aware of my responsibility as his father, which is not only teach him right from wrong but to show him love and effection and all of this is possible without beatings or threats of beatings. I really detest people beating kids, I admit a smack across the back of the legs is one thing but beatings?????????????????????

[mark45y]

Yes corporal punishment is accepted in Thai culture.

Corporal punishment is used in schools, but I think it may be illegal.

Parents have complained that their children have suffered serious injuries, and as a result some teachers have been prosecuted.

The custom here is that the head of the family can treat his family as he pleases, it's a private matter, and as long as it is reasonable will rarely if ever result in any social or legal action

My daughter and her friend were playing with one of them pretending to be a teacher saying,

"hold out your hand so I can slap you and if you tell your mother I will slap you twice as hard"

So I guess it is still going on.

I dont think it is illegal in the schools.

My brother works in one of the Universities, and tell me almost daily about how his Thai colleagues use the bamboo stick.

The teachers sometimes lay the kids over the desk in the middle of the class and hit them over the back or buttocks infront of everybody.

The rest of the class, as the kids they are, they love this show, not thinking that they might be next if they get caught being naughty.

The teachers also slap the kids in the back of their heads.

Yes, you are right, some teachers have really gone overboard and been prosecuted for being too brutal.

After a meeting with the University management, my brother was surprised to learn that it is the schools job to not only to educate the kids, but to raise them as decent people as well.

The latter is normally what the parents do back home.

My Thai wife said that bamboo sticks use to be used, but no longer. I hope that my wife is correct because if anyone hits my child, the offender will be wishing for death by the time I am finished with him/her.

Your wife is wrong. I worked at a school only recently where every Thai teacher walked round with a cane. Do you know what ? In those lessons the kids were actually well behaved because they knew if they weren't they were going to get a wack. Compare that to the foreign teacher lessons where all hel_l broke loose because the kids knew they weren't going to get a wack. All these people saying they will hit anyone who hits their kids obviously don't have much experience of Thai schools.

You are correct. I have worked at 4 government schools over a period of 4 years recently. All schools used canes or something similar on a daily basis.

[lovelomsak]

Spare the rod and spoil the child. I'm a firm believer that no one can reason with a child. They DO understand and remember a good swat. A good swat is preferable to a child getting hurt or even killed because they wouldn't listen to warnings about dangers.

I agree !!!!!!!!!

If more parents took time to discipline their children, there would be less violence and more social order. Just My Humble Opinion !

I totally agree with both of you. Back when I was young they called a spanking (Taking the Board of Knowledge to the Seat of Learning.)

[lovelomsak]

Half a century ago when l was at school we had every kind of physical punishment, for serious stuff and for teacher fun BUT, it did not do me any harm and taught me a lot about behavior and respect. Of course there are the few teachers who were nutters but we behaved even better with those so for me it worked. My Mrs says l can clump her son but l have learned with him a look works wonders.

I was beaten black and blue when I was a kid weekly, my sister even recieved a couple of broken ribs at the age of 9 just for coming home late from school! this was a something that we got used to as kids. we had a mad mother though who would fly off the handle for nothing. it was not fun but that was all we had and knew at the time. I do remember that all 3 of us were terrified of our own mum and neither of us have spoken to her for years. the beatings were one thing but the verble bullshite she came out with was unreal! A very sick person! oneday I was taken away from home and put into a boarding school where the teachers there were sadists!

jeeez, no wonder I live so far away from home!

Now I have a child myself I am very aware of my responsibility as his father, which is not only teach him right from wrong but to show him love and effection and all of this is possible without beatings or threats of beatings. I really detest people beating kids, I admit a smack across the back of the legs is one thing but beatings?????????????????????

Thank you for sharing that. Beating anyone is bad behavior be they young or old. And I am grateful you understand the difference between a beating and disipline. You will probably make a great parent.

[onnut]

Thank you for sharing that. Beating anyone is bad behavior be they young or old. And I am grateful you understand the difference between a beating and disipline. You will probably make a great parent.

I hope so, Thanks

[smokie36]

Half a century ago when l was at school we had every kind of physical punishment, for serious stuff and for teacher fun BUT, it did not do me any harm and taught me a lot about behavior and respect. Of course there are the few teachers who were nutters but we behaved even better with those so for me it worked. My Mrs says l can clump her son but l have learned with him a look works wonders.

I only received the tawse once and I really don't think it did me any good.

The threat was more symbolic than anything, and the teachers who could 'really lay the tawse' would command discipline in any case.

However, as a clear mark of punishment, it was effective; not for the pain, but for the clear demarcation of when you were being punished; the extent of punishment - 2, 4, 6 - always an even number, except maybe in rare cases a singleton. And a punishment clearly defined, completed and effectively - not forgiven, nor forgotten, but delivered immediately, completed; and ready to start anew.

BUt if a child did not wish to show discipline, then it became futile, since the teacher could not reasonably inflict sufficient pain to really motivate a genuinely rebellious child to comply; it was symbolism, rather than abuse...

SC

I also recieved this form of 'correction' a couple of times at Primary school.....aged 9 being beaten by a teacher. Sadly when it became clearer to the school the situation within my family being an absolute nightmare the trust between myself and the school had been irretrievably damaged by then.

Luckily for me this barbaric nonsense had been banned by the time I reached Secondary school or I might never have gained any respect for learning or achieving anything without the use of violence. No doubt in my mind this change helped shape my life....and the mind of parents who may otherwise have carried on a circle of abuse.

Its against the law in Thailand slow as the change may come its the right way forward.. Having said this the use of a smack to a small kid of 3 or 4 is not abuse however the sane thing with a 7 or 8 year old is simply unneccessary or should be if you are in any way a decent parent.

Talk to your kids and have a mutual respect and love...these things are not neccessary.....certainly did me no favours....I have no memory of why I received this punishment but the beatings are etched in my mind.....as well as the feeling of pointlessness and confusion I felt at the time

[richieudon]

My wife, as I read these posts, is shouting at our daughter because she's being lazy with her homework BUT as she shouted, she burped at the same time.....

It was hilarious, you had to be there....

I've never hit our daughter, I tend to give her the silent treatment if she plays up.

My wife on the other hand raises a coat hanger in the air and it has the desired effect. Nothing wrong with a little slap now and then as far as I'm concerned but if you beat children it does no good at all.

I took a few beatings from my father when I was young and probably deserved punishment. I still loved and respected him though...

[travelmann]

byoung, You know I'm a fan, so Im not trying to start an all in brawl but regarding you comment:

Buddhism states non-violence - so NO, hitting is not part of Buddhist practice.

I say fair enuf, BUT, Buddhism states alot of things, for example about the taking of alcohol and drugs, allowing ones mind to be affected etc.....yet millions upon millions of Buddhist thais still drink, smoke etc, not even going to mention the voilence in the streets here.

Actually recently whilst at a temple, I commented to my better half about a small group of monks standing around smoking cigarettes, I accept that these monks were just doing a months stint, or a couple of months before they return to their normal state, but.....can you see my point?

Lets face it Buddhism in Thailand is a joke not saying its any better anyweher else mind they just pick out the bits they want like all religions ( even though it aint a religion) Monk smoking Monk with phone monk with new bmw monk with women blah blah.

[travelmann]

Your wife is wrong. I worked at a school only recently where every Thai teacher walked round with a cane. Do you know what ? In those lessons the kids were actually well behaved because they knew if they weren't they were going to get a wack. Compare that to the foreign teacher lessons where all hel_l broke loose because the kids knew they weren't going to get a wack. All these people saying they will hit anyone who hits their kids obviously don't have much experience of Thai schools.

Whether you think it works or not is irrelevant. You worked in a school where (according to you) EVERY (your words) Thai teacher was a criminal!!

I dont have strong views about CP in schools but I have strong views about people teaching my kids who have no respect for the law.

Better get used to that in Thailand then.

[Birdman]

^ what a crap

No one ever did that and no one is doing that in the school of my 14 year old daughter,

for instance.

[billd766]

I think I smacked my first son about 3 times in his life but I did take away privileges when he played up. I couldn't do it now as he is 32 and probably bigger and stronger than me.

My second son is 6 and Thai and I have never smacked him yet.

I can either raise my voice a bit or change the tone of it and he does behave himself.

I reduced him to tears like that once, but smack him, not yet and hopefully never.

I only got caned twice at school and that was back in the fifties.

In my senior school, my form master "Killer Hoy" (he had a baseball bat that had red stains on it) could hit any child in the classroom with a blackboard eraser without turning around. When he said sit down and be quiet, we did.

Great teacher though.

[MikeyIdea]

I never got an email even though I watch this forum...

Here's one to tell the mother: Anyone who use corporal punishment on a child is LAZY, not because a spank is dangerous but because there are better ways to teach a child what is correct. Problem is that they take a bit longer time though. Anyone who do not spend that bit longer time and spank the child instead is by definition thereby lazy

Edited November 26, 2010 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

There are a few things posted here (also recently) that I don't agree with. How common is corporal punishment in schools today?

I can happily confirm that the school in the rural farmer village where my wife comes from rarely uses corporal punishment. Very rarely. It is not dead, but it is not common at all. I am sure there are other schools where it is much more common.

I have checked numerous schools around where I live before deciding for school for my daughter. I have talked to lots of parents and we have all asked each others friends too (all Thai, no westerners except me). One of the questions we had was; Does the school allow corporal punishment? How common was corporal punishment? Answer: Not common at all.

Private catholic schools seem more prone to use corporal punishment than Thai government schools are. When we parents discussed this a while back, I was really surprised to hear one of them with passion confirm what I had heard so this is known also among some Thais. All parents agreed that they would not send their children to any school known to use corporal punishment (note that in reality a few of them would not call a slap on the fingers of a naughty child corporal punishment though). This is Bangkok, certainly not international school prices as I can't afford it. But we can all afford another school if we don't like the one closest to us.

One further comment, well, paragraph

I do not believe one second in people who state that children are more unruly and impolite since corporal punishment was reduced or removed. Stupid comment by stupid people not realising that when a change is made, compensation in another area is also needed to balance things out… And I am not talking about compensation because corporal punishment was removed. It is more the change toward parents having less and less time to teach their children (and be a role model) at the same time as children are trained with more self confidence, competitiveness and other things nowadays

VenturaLaws post #18 in this long thread is excellent

Edited November 29, 2010 by MikeyIdea