Do Expat 'thai Girls' Grumble Like Us?

[robblok]

My Thai wife tells me her Thai friends she's made over the last 2 years only ever talk about there husbands and what they can provide for them.They also call other Thai friends of there's that are not sat with them on a mat on the kitchen floor eating somtam at our house or any of her so called friends houses.My wife has told me in the past that she wished she had never meet some of them and that she was better off not knowing any.

Correct they gossip about how much the guy can provide then the other wifes complain their husbands and that is how trouble begins (at least in my case) If she had not met those others she might not have changed.

So no im living in Thailand and i do complain too but not too much because in general i love it here.

[henryalleman]

The first 3 or 4 years my wife said this and that is much better in Thailand. Now 33 years later its the other way around. We decided to retire in Thailand and believe it or not it was my wife who had the most doubts about it. Because she find Thai culture suffocating and less open than European.

She can have hardly and interesting conversation in Thailand. And she prefer the European climate and most of all our healthcare and the excellent social care for the elderly.

I know even quit a number of Thai women who never went back in more than 20 years. They assimilate completely, even have hardly any Thai friends. Some of them are single, others have children who not even speak or understand Thai anymore.

Last year I went to an Birthday party of some Flemish/Thai family(20 members) who stayed long time in belgium. All the mixed children and also the ones who born in Thailand and came to belgium at an age of 10 or 12years and now have children of there own all spoke Flemish when they discussed amongst themselves. Only with my wife they still tried to speak some Thai words.

Till my surprise NOBODY talked Thai anymore.

For them Thailand was some far away country where their mother came from that's all;

If there where not the grand children I think we did'nt move at all, but went to Italy instead.

The ones in the Thai expat scene are newbies or some Pattaya profesionals who have a new husband or boyfriend every 6 months and play card or some cheating piramide game. They lure the newbies with their tricks till they learn their lesson or become a member of the group also. You can find them in some Thai pub or restaurants, They just move there bussines and lifestyle from Pattaya or Phuket to Antwerp.

But in general most Thai girls or women avoid the Thai expat scene. Even ex BG who like to change their life for the better. I know many of them who like to forget their past life and move on. They find an honest job work hard and send some money home to support a younger sister or brother study. And frankly most of them turn out to become very good wives and mothers.

Edited March 5, 2009 by henryalleman

[kiakaha]

certain types of thai female expats in the west grumble about non-thais that are fluent in the thai language (because the non-thai can secretly listen in on their schemes and hidden agendas towards some unsuspecting nitwit man they've latched onto and potentially expose their "games" )

[villagefarang]

Just as with the moaning on TV, the moaning of Thai wives in the west, says more about who they are and where they come from, if you catch my drift.

The wife and I fell in with a very nice group in Hawaii. They were helpful and not conniving , did not voice strong opinions, and did not spend their time drinking and gambling or chasing each other's partners.

There are many people who make bad choices when it comes to partners. The results of which are well documented. So choose well and you won't become a cliché.

Unfortunately I suspect the OP is simply searching for more stereotypic Thai clichés to put in his next book. That might not be fair, however, as I have never read his work. I can't get past the, over the top, self promotion and aggrandizement. To each his own, I guess.

[jubby]

Ouch ! ........ remind me not to cross swords with that Villagefarang Fella

[Andrew Hicks]

Just as with the moaning on TV, the moaning of Thai wives in the west, says more about who they are and where they come from, if you catch my drift.

The wife and I fell in with a very nice group in Hawaii. They were helpful and not conniving , did not voice strong opinions, and did not spend their time drinking and gambling or chasing each other's partners.

There are many people who make bad choices when it comes to partners. The results of which are well documented. So choose well and you won't become a cliché.

Unfortunately I suspect the OP is simply searching for more stereotypic Thai clichés to put in his next book. That might not be fair, however, as I have never read his work. I can't get past the, over the top, self promotion and aggrandizement. To each his own, I guess.

An earlier post accused me of promoting my Thai Girl books.

Moi! I didn't say anything! But thanks anyway for your plug.

And, Villagefarang, you are being unfair to me. We are in Bangkok at the moment and about to apply for a UK visa for Cat so I'm genuinely interested in the problems that Thais experience there.

I think this has been a good discussion with some excellent posts and thanks to everyone for that.

Exactly what Thai Visa can be so good at!

Andrew Hicks

[villagefarang]

Just as with the moaning on TV, the moaning of Thai wives in the west, says more about who they are and where they come from, if you catch my drift.

The wife and I fell in with a very nice group in Hawaii. They were helpful and not conniving , did not voice strong opinions, and did not spend their time drinking and gambling or chasing each other's partners.

There are many people who make bad choices when it comes to partners. The results of which are well documented. So choose well and you won't become a cliché.

Unfortunately I suspect the OP is simply searching for more stereotypic Thai clichés to put in his next book. That might not be fair, however, as I have never read his work. I can't get past the, over the top, self promotion and aggrandizement. To each his own, I guess.

An earlier post accused me of promoting my Thai Girl books.

Moi! I didn't say anything! But thanks anyway for your plug.

And, Villagefarang, you are being unfair to me. We are in Bangkok at the moment and about to apply for a UK visa for Cat so I'm genuinely interested in the problems that Thais experience there.

I think this has been a good discussion with some excellent posts and thanks to everyone for that.

Exactly what Thai Visa can be so good at!

Andrew Hicks

Okay, I'll try and be nice. A short trip is one thing. Relocating is something else. It can be hard, but I recommend staying away from other Thais in the beginning. It can take six months to a year to get over the hump, as it were.

We have found that Thai women who make the adjustment, often have no wish to return to Thailand except to visit family. Any kind of a skill, like sewing, cooking, hair or massage, can be parlayed into a sense of self-worth, pride and income to send home to family, without burdening the husband. The same job in Thailand would not offer the same rewards.

As others have mentioned, it can be as difficult for them to fit in back home in Thailand, as it can be for us when we go home. It all depends on who the person is to begin with and staying away from destructive influences. The husband bears much of the responsibility for assuring that his wife is supported through any difficulties that might arise.

I'm less than sympathetic to those who whine and complain. There is no reason why a loving a committed couple can't flourish almost anywhere.

[LooseCannon]

My wife rarely, if ever complains about Australia or Australians. But what she does do is make observations about the quirky, irrational & sometimes downright stupid behaviour of the people around us. This always results in that little Thai style chuckle, no anger, no malice, just quizzical amusement & for the most part I can provide her with no rational explanation as to why a nation behaves in the way it does.

We have very few Thai friends simply because the women endlessly bitch about any member of the group not currently present & who's got a bigger house, more gold blah blah. Drives my wife nuts - just better & easier to stay away. For myself, I simply refuse to socialize with some knobhead because he has got a Thai wife.

She does not whine & moan in Australia & I don't whine & moan in Thailand.

[bkkjames]

My wife rarely, if ever complains about Australia or Australians. But what she does do is make observations about the quirky, irrational & sometimes downright stupid behaviour of the people around us. This always results in that little Thai style chuckle, no anger, no malice, just quizzical amusement & for the most part I can provide her with no rational explanation as to why a nation behaves in the way it does.

We have very few Thai friends simply because the women endlessly bitch about any member of the group not currently present & who's got a bigger house, more gold blah blah. Drives my wife nuts - just better & easier to stay away. For myself, I simply refuse to socialize with some knobhead because he has got a Thai wife.

She does not whine & moan in Australia & I don't whine & moan in Thailand.

I guess that's what makes TV so popular.

[LooseCannon]

I guess that's what makes TV so popular.

It is so much easier when you are separated by a few thousand kilometres of copper wire.

[Travel2003]

Yes they do, like all other human beings.

Anyhow, thinking about all the "lucky ones", that turn out not to be so lucky after all, when they go back to their husband's country.

I believe they have the right to complain.

Too bad we never hear about those horror stories here on TV.

[keemapoot]

My gf is on one online forum that is entirely in Thai and for Thai women with Farang men. It's called clubmiafarang.

She's always telling me funny stories from the forum, but not particularly complaining. It's composed of those both in Thailand and abroad. My sense is there isn't as much complaining as just discussing the differences and hardships in the cultural, linguistic, and procedural aspects of being married to or living with a foreigner. Many on the forum seem to split their time between Thailand and overseas.

[Travel2003]

My gf is on one online forum that is entirely in Thai and for Thai women with Farang men. It's called clubmiafarang.

She's always telling me funny stories from the forum, but not particularly complaining. It's composed of those both in Thailand and abroad. My sense is there isn't as much complaining as just discussing the differences and hardships in the cultural, linguistic, and procedural aspects of being married to or living with a foreigner. Many on the forum seem to split their time between Thailand and overseas.

I bet they also discuss food.

Thais, and especially the ladies love to talk about food. Just like most westerners loooove to talk about the weather.

[Jockstar]

My wife has only visited the Uk. But loved it. She had never lived in another country before she moved to Oz. The first year was the hardest. ie homesick, etc. But now she loves Oz and the options/opportunities you have compared to LOS is far better. We recently went back to Thailand after just over 2 years away. After 2 weeks the wife was looking forward to going home(Sydney). BTW i dont have a lot of money and never had much when i lived in Bangers for 5 years. But we are comfortable and happy. Maybe one day we may retire over in CM but then again. We may not.

[Jockstar]

My gf is on one online forum that is entirely in Thai and for Thai women with Farang men. It's called clubmiafarang.

She's always telling me funny stories from the forum, but not particularly complaining. It's composed of those both in Thailand and abroad. My sense is there isn't as much complaining as just discussing the differences and hardships in the cultural, linguistic, and procedural aspects of being married to or living with a foreigner. Many on the forum seem to split their time between Thailand and overseas.

I bet they also discuss food.

Thais, and especially the ladies love to talk about food. Just like most westerners loooove to talk about the weather.

When they are eating. They are talking about what they will eat the next time they have food.

[think_too_mut]

Thai Visa can be a bit of a grumble fest and it's well known that expats everywhere let off steam when they get together and complain about the things they find frustrating in their adoptive country.

I do that sometimes. But from my Asian standpoint, Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong. Hardly from Australian point.

I often wonder if Thai wives whisked back to the West do the same thing. Do they get together in each others' homes in England for example and moan about us and our horrible culture?

If so, what specifically are the things they find difficult or annoying about England or wherever they are.

Apart from the obvious problems such as exile from Mama and som tam, it must be difficult for them at times and I'd love to know what in particular irritates them most.

If you allow Japan to be a Western country, the second biggest economy in the world, then I can dissapoint you.

No complaints.

Only enjoying everything clean, on time, courteous, efficient, 100% safety, no crime, not too strange food and customs, no big obnoxious fat people, no tatoos.

With the Internet, the family is more present than while separated BKK - Sa Kaew. Less and less contact.

The TV has been turned into daughter's monitor for cartoons, never watch any TV.

Always on the computer screen is some site from Thai (TeeNee dot com).

Although there are some Thais around, have never made any attempt to get together or exchange phone numbers.

(Two thousand Thais get their visas for Japan every week)

Of course, there are disputes but independent of the location.

[Birdman]

My Thai wife tells me her Thai friends she's made over the last 2 years only ever talk about there husbands and what they can provide for them.They also call other Thai friends of there's that are not sat with them on a mat on the kitchen floor eating somtam at our house or any of her so called friends houses.My wife has told me in the past that she wished she had never meet some of them and that she was better off not knowing any.

Have a friend, who brought his Thai wife back home. A very friendly, honest, strong and sporty Thai woman, who could hardly speak English. At a crowded birthday party at a friends place she danced Ramwong. She was the only Thai there. Everybody was moved.

After a while, she met other Thai women. But she did not noticeable change.

But one day she did not come back home to her husband, my friend. He was worried, did not know where she is, could not reach her. During the next days, he got a phone call from another Farang. With an elderly voice, he told him, that she does not want to talk with my friend and that she stays from now onwards with that guy...

[BigSnake]

Yes, they do but it is call something else: The "B" word. Me I do it don't care what you call it, I can B word with the best of them.

[jubby]

Thai Visa can be a bit of a grumble fest and it's well known that expats everywhere let off steam when they get together and complain about the things they find frustrating in their adoptive country.

I often wonder if Thai wives whisked back to the West do the same thing. Do they get together in each others' homes in England for example and moan about us and our horrible culture?

If so, what specifically are the things they find difficult or annoying about England or wherever they are.

Apart from the obvious problems such as exile from Mama and som tam, it must be difficult for them at times and I'd love to know what in particular irritates them most.

Andrew Hicks

They get together alright Andrew; Not so much moaning as screaming and shouting over Card Games and the little loan arrangements they make together. Most seem to want to return at some stage to Thailand (can't argue with that). Some have a rich husband who gives them everything but still find it necessary to supplement their income by selling themselves in establishments only frequented by Asian Taxi Drivers. establishments that don't even provide showers to remove the Cheese beforehand.

I could also write a book Andrew.

There's a lot of good advice in VillageFarangs last post.

[henryalleman]

We have very few Thai friends simply because the women endlessly bitch about any member of the group not currently present & who's got a bigger house, more gold blah blah. Drives my wife nuts - just better & easier to stay away. For myself, I simply refuse to socialize with some knobhead because he has got a Thai wife.

My wife and I feel exactly the same, especcialy your remark about knobheads. And I saw quite a few of them in 30 years. That's why we stopped to mingle in the Thai expat scene.

[ourmanflint]

Never met any Thais who dislike the newly found freedoms, from being able to hold hands and show affection in public to wearing sexy clothes and not be called a hooker, to saying what they want to whomever they want. It is only when once surrounded by other Thais that they suddenly revert to typical Thai stereotype.. overly polite, unwilling to offend, modest etc etc.

I know an awful lot who are not looking forward to moving back to Thailand ever. I just wish my GF wasn't one of them.... can't get her to budge unfortunately.

[macduff]

My Thai wife tells me her Thai friends she's made over the last 2 years only ever talk about there husbands and what they can provide for them.They also call other Thai friends of there's that are not sat with them on a mat on the kitchen floor eating somtam at our house or any of her so called friends houses.My wife has told me in the past that she wished she had never meet some of them and that she was better off not knowing any.

Have a friend, who brought his Thai wife back home. A very friendly, honest, strong and sporty Thai woman, who could hardly speak English. At a crowded birthday party at a friends place she danced Ramwong. She was the only Thai there. Everybody was moved.

After a while, she met other Thai women. But she did not noticeable change.

But one day she did not come back home to her husband, my friend. He was worried, did not know where she is, could not reach her. During the next days, he got a phone call from another Farang. With an elderly voice, he told him, that she does not want to talk with my friend and that she stays from now onwards with that guy...

This is a good story and to be honest it goes on.Not only with Thai's but with every nationality throughout the world.Have you ever thought that this friend of yours might be glad that someone has stepped in and took his bride. After all these beutifull Thai women are always after a foriegn husband.All this said and staying on topic in my opinion if you have a Thai wife in the UK i would say keep away from other Thai's and you wont have any problems.

[scottyd]

I have a good friend who has a Thai wife, nice woman, but started hanging aroud with Thai friends and suddenly she is gambling away all her wages. She has a degree and speaks good English, you would think she would know better, but I guess she is just easily led/weak willed. She was saving fora holiday back to Thailand, but it's gone up in smoke, gambled it all away. At least she was decent enough to only gamble her money and not my friends!

[thesunset75]

Well, most of the time its my bf who complain about living here

Not hard for me to have friends but none Thai friend which im not interest to. My close friend now is from Bolivia, younger too lol make me feel young and we can talk about everything.

Other ones from Philipines - France and Israel which we are studying Dutch together, now we become alive group

I met 2-3 Thai woman here, but sorry I dont feel like being friend with them.

My son and I can adjust very well here...except one thing is biking in the rain, windy too.

I need a driver license soon !

Here some pics of us :-)

Edited March 5, 2009 by thesunset75

[scottyd]

I really like thesunset75's posts.

[jubby]

I really like thesunset75's posts.

Yes, thats what is all about. A bit of racial harmony

[desi]

I'd love to know what in particular irritates them most.

Andrew Hicks

All the female Thai students I knew over a nine year stretch (single) grumbled about the country but no more than anyone else (middle class Thai). They were too busy trying to get through a tough one year program.

The three adult Thai women I knew grumbled about their husbands and the country (in that order).

One young thing with a baby was married to a former helicopter pilot. An amazing man, during dinner parties he'd spend hours thrilling everyone with hair raising stories about his time in Vietnam and elsewhere. She'd spend her time on the sides of the group, whispering about what a horrible husband he was and what an awful time she was having. Mostly in Thai, so she was mostly out of luck for an audience.

Another was again married to an older man, but she was no youngster either (in her 30's with two kids from a former marriage). She was either complaining about him and their life, or showing off the money and gifts he gave her, or complaining that he'd promised her money and gifts but didn't deliver. Her mother was a fabulous women who didn't complain about anything, just had a good time with her expat life.

The third was a long-time friend of mine. Married to an English man for around 15 years, she loved the UK. It was her insistence on staying with her sons (from a previous marriage) in the UK (they were in school) while he was overseas that put a kink in their marriage and gave him enough free time to rope in a sweet young local thing of his own. So she complained about him, their marriage and having to stay out of the UK.

Three different couples with three different situations, all with complaints. But it's human nature really. As we all know, being an expat means experiencing a different culture from your own. When expectations fail, when something doesn't work the way we want it to, or when we can't get what we are used to back home, we voice our complaints. And that applies to complaints about our men too :-D

[jetpilot123]

Last time i was back home,i went with a friend down to the warf to throw a line out.A local lad turned up with 3 thai girls in tow with fish & chips and sat close to where myself and a mate had a line out.

The conversation the girls where having amongst themselves while throwing the chips in the water consisted of mai aroi and naaw,so i guess they do whinge like us but hey my hometown is freezing and decent fish in chips are not easy to find like once before.

But i do not think they would whinge about some of the trivial stuff that i see written on here.like dented coke cans and stuff like that...

[Andrew Hicks]

We have very few Thai friends simply because the women endlessly bitch about any member of the group not currently present & who's got a bigger house, more gold blah blah. Drives my wife nuts - just better & easier to stay away. For myself, I simply refuse to socialize with some knobhead because he has got a Thai wife.

My wife and I feel exactly the same, especcialy your remark about knobheads. And I saw quite a few of them in 30 years. That's why we stopped to mingle in the Thai expat scene.

This is really quite funny... that the one thing so many of you say that expat Thai women grumble about is each other!

Andrew

[henryalleman]

Have a friend, who brought his Thai wife back home. A very friendly, honest, strong and sporty Thai woman, who could hardly speak English. At a crowded birthday party at a friends place she danced Ramwong. She was the only Thai there. Everybody was moved.

After a while, she met other Thai women. But she did not noticeable change.

But one day she did not come back home to her husband, my friend. He was worried, did not know where she is, could not reach her. During the next days, he got a phone call from another Farang. With an elderly voice, he told him, that she does not want to talk with my friend and that she stays from now onwards with that guy...

That's no exception, just re-read the last 2 paragraphs of my comment. The most sound advise I can give to every newbie or greenhorn.

STAY AWAY FROM THE THAI EXPAT SCENE IN YOUR COUNTRY.

Another sound advise giving already by another member. She should look for a job, its good for her self esteem and will meet non-Thai people and make new friends. Don't force her to into your own circle of friends or family, allow her to make her own circle of non-Thai friends. Because if you had a GF/ wife of your own nationality she will have also. Another good way is to make friendships who are new to both of you.

BTW the best friends of my wife are non-Thai, (Italian)